RUN 1710 Venue: Platypussy Mt Clear Hare: Criss Cross 23 March 2015

(abbreviated) Criss Cross, Got us to his Rear Entry for the Platypus properties virgin run.

ON ON back out the back gate onto an old train track and back. Over a fence or two.  Up a track and back down to the drink stop at the Recreation Reserve. Pretty painless and missed a few of the promised mountain bike tracks.

Welcomes backs to Sideshow Bob who brought along Virgin Runner, fraulein Kim to meet last weeks frauleins.  Kim Jong Un of North Korea twisted to Lee Kwon Yew of Singapore who had just passed on. So Leak On You twisted to Golden Showers and back to Leak on You.

Welcome back Bar Liquor and Two Dicks was there to back up Criss Cross with some nice tucker.

Significant runs for Pebbles had drawn three sets of tits in the Book like 333.  Sideshow Bob had six with Leak On You on her first run. 

Heavy work load led to Heavy not scribing a song so Rowdy improvised with;

Hot Cross Buns

Criss Cross Runs,

Bums Sums Mums

 

Spence called for charges Shafted re told the Jacko joke and pointed out the Evil Little bong like “wasp trap” in the hanging basket.

 

Next Week’s Run: Midnights run by Rowdy

Theme; Lust of the light bush

Venue; Slatey Creek

Meal; BBQ (if we can get the trailer there)

RUN 1709 Venue: Old Col Awards and SS1500!! Hare: The Bill 16 March 2015

This had every chance of being the best yet 1500th run night, naturally for one of our Older Hashers, SS. and it happened to coincide with the Annual Awards Night (held yearly).

THE RUN

Billy Goat set a beaut little run, down Mair, through Old Tanya’s carpark, we then skirted below Camp and through a narrow “private” access to Sturt St much to the chagrin of a resident. We then headed east but deviated in the mall to run past the Old Hamburger Cart to see if Silic was there yet.  We waved to the other Old Bill’s on Dana St then on to remember the days of the Old School yard where we used to laugh a lot.  We then ran through the Old jail, on to the Old brewery to wave to Old Bertie, on back along Lydiard down to the Drink Stop at the Old ANA building (All Natives Association).  Appropriately a Mr Ginn unveiled 1925 foundation stone on Old St Patrick’s day 1925).

THE DOWN DOWNS

Welcomes backs to lot of distinguished older and some just kinda former hashers who were gathering at Old Col to acknowledge the first ever 1500^th Run for one of our own.  SS has run something approaching 88% of Ballarat Sovereign Hash runs since inception by Founding Father Ed (WILBUR) Davis.  WILBUR regally headed a bunch that also returned to the fold including SPIDER, PUFFER, GASSER, LEN EVANS, CC, HOT LIPS, SEMEN, SPANNA, SQUIZZY and REMOTE.

We also had several First Timers for the night, all the way from Germany, Katja and Kristina, and all the way from central Victoria, Newstead NED and Bendigo BEN. The virgins balanced the Vets with their youth.  Fresh from Busselton, In Limbo was the principal representative delegate from outside Hash kennels

Lots of acknowledging Down Downs were forthcoming for SS along with a few gifts to mark the occasion;

Photo printed1500 T shirt, a singing fish and a fancy pen. His “Oh SS Boy” song was done proppa by APob.

Happy Birthday Little Evil, could he choose between the delectable Deutsche? The Invading central vic boys almost stole them and the scene.

THE AWARDS

Other awards for the evening were;

PISS POT OF THE YEAR  FOP-- for his Green out at the Balls Up.

TIGHT ARSE PRICK -- Half a Bar for his continued insistence that his 75 cent bottles of wine were as good as grunge.

F’ING SPECTACLE --Silic hunted through Plucka’s flywire screen door without opening it when her virgin run was unveiled

POT CALLING KETTLE BLACK – Mounty got the nod from Rowdy for her “rental property” revelation.

SHIT HOUSE RUN -- Candida had a great night in the School Gym but there were too many strains sprains and pulled muscles…Plus she loves the toilet seat trophy so much it would be cheeky to part her from it.

SHIT HOT RUN – BP for Her 1000th at La Gerche’s, great first time setting (nothing to do with Bent who tried to copy her some weeks later)

CLUBMAN AWARD.--.Lois Lane got the AhSo award for her ongoing efforts especially in the counting house.

Honourable Mentions to Spence for helping out and Rowdy for his grand effort having set five Runs off his own bat!

Dummies to FOP, Normal, Silic, and Fluid Movement

THE ON AFTERS

Andy Pobjoy and sidekick Sean entertained for the rest of the night after our sumptuous Seafood Extravaganza (apologies to Plucka Duck).  Thanks also go to Bill the Barman at the Old Col for his tolerance and service and to Phil from Ballarat Seafood who ensure we had the best quality Prawns and Oysters at the Best price.

Next Week’s (now Last week’s) Run: CRISS CROSS

Theme; Hot Cross Buns

Venue; 14 plait her Puss aven you Mount her Clear

RUN 1708 Venue: Gong Gong Reservoir Hare: Rowdy 9 March 2015

Rowdy, Trail Master extraordinaire put his hand up for setting a run on the eastern edge of his side of town at the Gong Car Park Barbicuaria.  With just a dozen or so expected after the Labour Day long Weekend, how easy it should be.  A quiet back to basics night with a few snags in bread; BUT hashers kept coming out of the woodwork and voted with their feet on an enchanting Autumnal eve.  Blue collars everywhere. Surprisingly no one managed to bribe the CHW groundsman to leave the gate open for an extra hour or two so we had to park cars outside the perimeter fence.

"ON ON" the Billy Goat cried. Hashers headed up the hill leaving the rotunda guard Silicate as well as Rear Entry and Bad Hair Day to secure the base BBQs and ensure they remain free of Begonia Bogans. 

The good pack of runners took off on a 7km jaunt in the catchment forest of the granite based Gong reservoir while the weaker walkers walked the water way.  The comfortable convergence brought all together at poly-box Drink Stop packed with Fosters, girlies and lots of ice.

We dawdled on Home to the rotunda, warmed the hot plates and set up lights for an illuminating dusk - and kept drinking Rowdy’s Fosters, XXXX Gold and Boags etc…

Welcomes backs to Bungee, Paul and Spence. Significant runs tonight to LOIS LANE, on Honda CB 750, something that has been ridden a lot.  Rear Entry was coming behind on a Yammie 650, Precious was palindromic and SOS was two ate two.

The Choir of brethren belted out a stunning rendition of Heavy’s twisted ditty “You Don’t Get me I’m Part of the Union”

Now I'm a hashing man
Amazed at what I am
I’ll stay for a drink
Then I’ll piss in your sink
Yes, I'm a hashing man.

When we meet in the local hall
I'll be drinking with them all
With a hell of a shout
Don’t let the Down Downs run out
And laugh about Silic’s… rubber ball.

OOOH you don't get me I'm part of the Hashers
You don't get me I'm part of the Hashers
You don't get me I'm part of the hashers
Till the day I die, till the day I die.

As a hashing man I'm wise
And tell all the new tarts lies
That I have a big tool
That makes women drool
But they always read between the lines.

And when I get my way
I will promise not to stray

But when my dick gets hard
It looks for another Yard
This is what I say.

OOOOH you don't get me I'm part of the Hashers
You don't get me I'm part of the Hashers
You don't get me I'm part of the Hashers
Till the day I die, till the day I die.
 

Rowdy drank saluting Solidarity Forever!

 

Spence called for charges to the randomly targeted subjects of the song. Silicate, Mrs Dickhead.

Spence was in Launceston and missed a monty as he didn’t Hold True to his convictions. Tassie Map talk abounded and MastaBait in his Ray Charles glasses showed how to read Lois Lane’s map in Braille while Beer Fuck thought clitoris was an island off of Greece famous for its ouzo.

 

SILICATE sausages bread and onion.

SILICATE’n’ Rear Entry were heard to advise Dumb and Dumber which security motion sensors can detect snail pace slothful stealth. Don’t know how they knew so much.

SILICATE up the accolades when telling a well-received joke about the Lone Ranger leaving his “Injun running”. Poor Tonto marked the culmination of Down Downs.

Next Week’s Run: AWARDS NIGHT expect First Ever 1500th

Theme; St Patricks, Green, IRISH MUSIC and Pobjoy’s Piano Accordian

Venue; OLD COLONISTS CLUB in Lydiard St North

Meal; Seafood extravaganza and Kentucky flied

RUN 1707 Venue: Sovereign Hill Car Park Hare: Normal 2 March 2015

The sealed surface meant it was the closest the Bill’s newest car has ever been to the ON ON.  It was such a nice evening a happy camper couple was holed up in a caravan in the car park to get an earful of farks.  They were waiting for the night show in Sovereign Hill.

The running pack set off toward the Gold Museum and hit the hills while the walkers went to flats of Main Road.   Set on the classic Breast Stroke pattern that has rubbed off on Normal. The convergence was back at ye old gay house to reminisce and toast the old pop at the Drink Stop.

On Home to the warm welcome of the crew that were setting an ambience and lubricating their tonsils with cold beer to aid the secret practicing of the screw tune to ensure an impeccable delivery.  

Welcome back to Hymie, Roadrunner and Plucka.  Small "s" significant runs tonight, to Pebbles had home time, three thirty (330), Silic was 3LO (774). MRS D 343 had a nice ring to it. Rear Entry claimed to be on several thousand (3,773) way more than The Bill’s 1473 and SS’s 1499, put together.

Heavy entrusted his tune of Williamson’s Hey True Blue to a lubricated choir including Shafted, Halfabar, Silic, Rear Entry and Mountyie.

Hey Norm Al.

Is it true?

That you had an arsehole transplant

And it rejected you.

 

Even when She's far away Normal feels Her Near.

Hey Masterbait, is it me and you
Did you really get that pissed off?
When I sold your T shirt too
Masterbait, I'm a-asking you

 

The old mates had a drink together, keen to bury the hatchet and sink the slipper.

Rear Entry couldn’t repair the music machine and replaced it with a witches hat megaphone.  Mountyie wanted more of Hymen workouts and harassed him repeatedly. Mrs D was reunited with the set of clothes she had left behind last week. NQA.

A complete range of cucumbers to please all was made available to the ladyies to work off their Hymie slimeys. Shafted was made to take his down downs through the megaphone.

Pus Bucket was dogged in his joke telling of the 3 mutts at the vets, 2 in for castration for overzealous digging and biting and the third, a German Shepherd’s guilty of rampantly humping his bent over female owner meant castration also?  No just a nail trim actually!

Down Downs went around and around and ON and ON, Fluid Movement kept it flowing. Ain’t Autumn great! The trailer got drank dry so fresh grog next week.  On Afters at Top Eureka for most and the Burger Cart for some Thai tarses.

Note; Most awards in for some work. Normal’s bringing in the Kettle, Her Vagesty has the Piss Pot. Who has the Shit House Run dunny lid and the Spectacle? All to be redistributed at the Awards Night, 16 March, Seafood Spectacular and musician. Could be some one's 1500th too.

 

Next Week’s Run: Rowdy Committee Run Labour Day Weekend, Free Beer and sausages to all Ticket Holders

Theme; Three Gongs pre Award event

Venue; The Gong Reservoir Car Park

RUN 1706 Venue: Douggie Dean’s Reserve Delacombe Hare: Pebbles 23 February 2015

A similar looking crowd masquerading as Hashers at the same venue? Whoops too many intellects there under the big wall less rotunda.  Pebbles knew the chilling southerly was on so we our tight mob got under the northern veranda of the change rooms.

A cold change is usually not a change but today it was. After a balmy night in the twenties the day deteriorated into the low teens for the run with some rain and a floating scotch mist to boot. A baker’s dozen runners partook of Pebbles’ intriguing trek exploring delectable Delacombe.  Parkland was pretty, residential ripe, Industrial indescribable,  the Twats held the interest of the gents, Bait ensured the Dishlickers were typically topical, out around Smythes Road and on to Peb’s lowered carport for the DrinkStop.   

On Home across the park to welcome back Sinton (that’s not how Rear Entry says it) Spartacus and Bait.  Palindromic runs to Nummy 3 ate 3 and Shafted, for for for for fucks sake.

Heavy pushed Rowdy aside and took the screw reins back and described the run, “as above”.  His song about Pebbles picking up or “Picking up Pebbles and throwing them into the sea” was strongly supported by Bent & Num.

Picking up Pebbles, is very easy you see;

All you need is a vagina and tits to play with for free……..

….and on it went about days gone by and past conquests, when he had the personality of Ms Burns and wanted Rowdy’s in Law’s Hash name.

 

Despite the lack of sunshine, The Bill’s was screening all Ray’s from his preshmobile that had beading water on its wax and polish. SS took BillyGoat’s carpark on the bitumen while the Billy Goat was proud that the Chinese new year was the year of the Goat!

As usual, Criss Cross was connected to the low carport that sheltered us at the drinkstop.

More breaking news as Sinton told the how you get Powderfinger by putting Car Michael Silic Hunt on to Hoppawarti. And the one about the blonde with the black box called 747.  Birthday battles were on, SOS 30th and Dumb’s dad 100th on the same day.

Could have been a return of the Dummy Spit award tonight. Several nominations including Fluid Movement since noticing she isn’t the GrogMaster designate on the web (note to Mrs D, Must rectify that).  But who is the winner? Siliquestion. Rowdy wanted to put his hand up but was restricted to 2 fingers.

Bloody cold so many were keen to congregate around the warming BBQ where Spartacus had snags and Rear Entry caramelised Silic’s meat.  Helgas bread and snappy salads accompanied.

 Next Week’s Run: Normal

Theme; AB NORMAL

Venue; Sovereign Hill Car Park on after top Eureka

RUN 1705 Venue: Smythesdale Russell Up’s Dam Hare: Heavy 16 February 2015

Got there just in time, fortunately having noticed the turn off near Billy Goat’s bright green new car parked half a mile away on the bitumin.  This was Heavy’s former stomping ground in the former backyard of former Hasher Russell up the Publican(GRHS) (having gone to the Hash Gods).

Chiffik bush run and walk on an ideal night.  Runners and walkers were co-mingling with dam, shiggy, bush, old gold workings including a tunnel tour where the hashers were dragged through like a string of butt beads.

Fittingly cans of Fosters fizzed at the drink stop, some chilled to the brink icing up.  Then a diabetic fannomennum occurred!  OnOn questioning, our in-house thermodynamic consultant engineer, Bent Nose, told us more about adiabatic phenomenon and Glider corroborated. Spoken in a pompous all-knowing parlance;
“When a gas expands under adiabatic conditions, (like on opening a can or releasing an old fart), its pressure and temperature both decrease without the gain or loss of heat.”  Proving Old Farts know a bit about old farts.

Rowdy urged, “Come on it’s getting dark!! We won’t be able to see the song sheet”.

Sorrow indeed set a sombre scene for Pusses loss of his Bro.

Welcomes back to Master Blaster Shafted.  Fluid Movement also returned to her groggy duties.  Nothing too much of direct significance on the run tally but we had a drink for SS approaching 1500 and Normal approaching 1000 as a premature extrapolation. 

Heavy wanted to continue screwing himself Butt Rowdy Butted in cherishing the chance to pen alternate words to The Billy Joel’s Piano Man, becoming Heavy Man. (not to the tune of Happy Birthday!)

It's seven o'clock on a Monday night, the regular crowd shuffles round
There's the G M sitting next to me making love to his captive Hash crowd
He says, "Bro can you play me a memory, I'm not really sure how it‘s done
Well it's sad and it's sweet, and I knew it complete
but you’re the one screwing the run"
Oh, la la la de de da de, la le la da da da

Sing us a song you're the Heavy man, Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright

Now Tom Half a Bar is a friend of mine, he gets me my sheep for free
And he's quick with a fark or to muck up a joke but there's someplace that he'd rather be
He says, "John, I believe this is killing me", as a smile ran away from his face
"Well, I could be a pygmy in Africa if I had a darker man’s face"
Oh, la la la  de de da de, la le la  da da da

Now Silic’s quite good on the BBQ, his testicles caused him some strife

And he's talking with Reary, who's wife’s a bit teary, And probably will be for life.
And Mountie is practicing politics as the Snag and Hass slowly get tight.
Yes they're sharing a drink they call Carlton Draught
But it's better than drinking a light

Screw us the run you're the Heavy man, Screw us the run tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got the words working right

Bent was up for seargenting at short notice. He corrected the erroneous supposition of last week’s cricket run as to who partnered Basher Bait in the winning duo. His running mate was none other than Bashful Bent AKA Rectal Ray that shone that day.

Criss Cross removed his bike from the roof-rack so we could put our light on his car’s roof. He promised not to drive off with it.

Short cut to tucker time.

Naturally Heavy’s spread was sumptuous. MKR Texan corn al la Heavy was cooked there and then on the BBQ. It was warming as the night cooled, tasted delicious and was plentiful. Beef rolls followed with gravy and salad.

SS Sirculated a hash joke email showing a paper back bird book and that while Old Farts know a bit about old farts they know little about Old Tarts.

Next Week’s Run: Pebbles

Theme; Picking Up

Venue; Doug Dean Reserve Delacombe

Run 1704, Hairy Bill, from the North Britain Hotel

A perfect night for a summer bush run greeted the pack as they assembled in the bar, and the lounge, and the beer garden of the Nth Britain Hotel. Pity about the bush. Heavy was present early in all his glory, with Karol from Kolac, and new runner Wendy, to entertain simultaneously; - don't know how he does it. He then saved his energy on the non run to play puppet master to the Bill, do the screw, sing the song, and then be sergeant. To top it off he will set next week's run and we can all watch.
Anyway, perfect summer night, 8 hardy runners set off from the fabulous middle of Ballarat, along Goat Lane, then wound its way east through the Black Hill reserve, with a pause at the lookout to appreciate the setting sun glancing its beams off the iconic Wendouree Lake, with Mt Elephant a smudge in the distance. It was all down hill from there.
More hashers joined the runners at the drink stop, and enjoyed a varied repast, although Pus Bucket, Spartacus, Boot Rooter, Road Runner, Sillic Unt and Rear Entry were all too busy to attend. Sillic and Reary were also too busy to actually have a meal, and must have walked the 2 blocks to Reary's home cooking. Finger lickin' good.......
Charges rolled on and on well past the chef's knock off time; he would have left early only he forgot Candida's crumbed cutlets. Pissed?.... pity the first preppy sent to the principal's office in the morning.
The screw song was to the tune of TMG's "Jump in my car" with a theme of illicit ejaculation, back up vocals by Rowdy. The tune of Happy Birthday also worked as well as it did last week.
Welcomes to Windy Wendy, welcome back to J2, dubbed Vascillator for the night, might be a good name but we can't really be sure yet. It may work. Heavy got a charge for run 800, even though he did run 800 with Rowdy and Mountie 4 years ago......Plucka  is at 33, nice curves there. Rear Entry was asked to audit the books, and to explain how the Liberal Party could have a leadership spill without voting for anyone? Road Runner told a joke about an Irishman in a pub, and Bent Nose got a charge for somehow encouraging his house sitters to move out permanently; must have been the clues Heavy placed in his Eidelweiss screw song ("Lois Lane, and Pauline, won't you move out for ever?")
All who were served a meal enjoyed it enormously. James Squire on tap and red wine by the bottle rounded out not a bad night.
Next week Heavy will star again from Smythesdale, run and on after from the dam just off the Sebastopol/Smythesdale Rd. Catering by Heavy. Further instructions by email.