Wednesday, November 26, 2014

RUN 1692,1693 Venue: Devils Kitchen, Mt Erip Hares: Shafted and Clusterers 23,24 November 2014

From Dolly’s Creek last week to Devil’s Kitchen, to begin the Cluster Fuck 1000 weekend, a camping extravaganza in the bush to celebrate the alignment of the stars; Rowdy, Mountie and Pus Bucket all reaching their milestones of 1000 (or 17) runs with Ballarat Sovereign Hash and an acknowledgment of the rarity of up to 6 hashers proudly doing same within a 12 month period.

Mountie was accommodated with a quickie in the Kitchen on the Sunday for Run 1692 to reach her 999th.  Accompanied by a tight pack, the short root was over almost before it started but was fun with plenty of scratches to show from scrub bashing and creek crossing by a live hare desperate to retain liberty, dignity and his shorts.  As it turned out, MastaBait led most astray up a grey shaley mullock dump.  He only went up there for a joke so he got a joke, from Bent Nose, about General Cluster fucking millions of Injuns.
On Befores in the shade with beer, bickies and cheese along with forays to find the vantage point of the photographer that snapped the historic Try Again Mine in the Devil’s Kitchen in the early 1920’s.  On Afters back at the Happy Valley Hall and a BBQ to enjoy Half a Steak more than Half cooked by Half a Bar with more than Half a Beer to warm up for the Monday night to follow.

To settle the dust, one and a Half inches of rain was arranged for Monday. Trail was set in the mud of the Mount, Erip that is.  As the sun broke through, the Wood-fired Pizza people prepared and the Hash House Harriers amassed.

Post precipitation participants were ferried to the On On and they were Off Off. Up Up and Away Away climbing Mt Erip.  A first for runners with a Thirst!  Through Pristine Birgin Bush with the sweet scent of wet eucalypt and offering views over the waters of the Woady Yalloak, the River by which we partook of Drink Stop drinks.

From there the pre piss-up partiers were delivered back to the historic Happy Valley Hall, the former School now community asset and weekly church.

The Crowd cosied up inside around the fire thinking life was like a box of chocolates when Bubba and Forrest were warmly welcomed back.  The Billy Goat blessed the three milestoners Mounty, Rowdy and Pus Bucket as they were called out for the front for the first of many charges for their One Thousand (and 17) significant runs. They were kept our for another Down Down with the Crew of +1000 runners that were all proudly in attendance for the whorespicious occasion The Bill, SS, MastaBait, Bent Nose, Half a Bar, Spencer Hocking and BP.  The three remained charged for the screwing of the Run by The Bill and the screwing of the Walk by SS, this time joined by trail setting team.

Primed with snippets of Proclaimer’s “I Would Walk 500 Miles” music, Heavy’s screw Song hit the spot, the mood and sentiment.  It was perfectly pitched even though the performance pitch wasn’t perfect with everybody bellowing;

On a Monday, yeah, I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the hasher who runs up next to you
And when I go out, yeah, I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the Hasher who goes along with you

If I get drunk, yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the hasher who gets drunk next to you
And if I get pissed, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the hasher who's getting pissed along with you

But I would do 500 runs
And I would do 500 more
Just to be the hasher who’s run one thousand runs
And fall down pissed on your kitchen floor

Sergeant Spencer Hocking took charges from before the run, during the run, and from the floor.  The pizzas started to pour through the door but none got past our self-appointed pizza security sampler Silic who was willing to sacrifice himself and ensure we were safe as he taste tested each and every one of them.

The 1000 runner’s recognition reigned supreme with more presentations of the engraved perpetual trophy, The 1000 RUN Trumpet and stand. Then Wine Goblets for the boys and a Gobble it for the girl.  Wine charges aplenty. We forgot the Prick but had more Port and Mountie (Not fucken Mounty) got Pathologist’s Blood Orange licker.

Silic eventually tired of tasting Pizza and we all supped till sated, sang till sore and drank& drank till Half past Drunk, then dropped.

A BIG THANKS to all including Chris and Linda for Pizzas, and Ian and local community of Happy Valley for sharing their facilities and to the Hall neighbours for tolerating us.

Some photos and a T Shirt are to follow and Christmas is coming too!

Next Week’s Run: Bungal Dam Blast Furnaces  via Lal Lal Hare;  Bait and Normal  Theme;  Wear your Red T Shirts (but don’t mention them)

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

RUN 1691, Venue: Dolly’s Creek Road Morrisons, Hares: Half A Bar & Bar Licker 17 November 2014

The chook run bus collected crowds; the merry Merc met more; the Volvo brought 140 years of experience between the two of the likeable OCs and one much maligned maudlin moe.
It was after 7 when the aptly named Golden Fleece Run took in flocks of fine merino wool and paddocks of historic prospecting pits still full of golden promise.  A cleverly conceived concept I must say, though the trail was a bit straight forward except for the unmarked on-back that gave The Bill and Mounty time together. We went West down Racecourse Track, into Ripper’s paddock and Argent’s Reef and saw some new exposures in the quest for the BIG one.  Quartz, clay, gold coloured stones and lashings of lollies and love.
On through the paddocks to the Remembrance Day Tribute to fallen Ballarat Hashers and the recitation of Rowdy’s Remembrance Rhyme for Midnight, Russell up the Publican, Ah So, and Half a Bra at her resting place.  A Down-Down for the fallen, Half a minutes silence then ON Home deep in contemplation and thoughts of happy hash times we’ve had.
Welcomes Backs to both Silic and Hunt who made a spectacular reEntryAgain in the mini mafia merc.  Approaching significance in an ongoing crescendo drum roll of down-downs, Mounty 998 and Rowdy 999, (jawohl jawohl jawohl) were joined by Poo Boo Kay (French for Pus Bucket) who is also on the Cluster Fuck 1000 to do list.
Mastabait had a pretty number in 1177 and Bad Hair Day had something between two fat ladies in 898.
After taking these pricks away, Half a Bar announced the trial implementation of a Belgian Hash institution where interjectors and incessant banterers were slugged with a shot of Belgique Spirite, rocket fuel!
Immediately, repeat offenders offended repeatedly. Silic suffered several but was getting a taste for it.  Rear Entry cried “Driver” as did Dumb who continued to chat away, to himself mainly.

Mine Hosts, conjoined twins Half a Bar Liquor were up for a screw, Heavy, by Proxy through his Bro, didn’t have to change many words to set the scene with The Bill and Boyd oldie, Put another Log on the Fire.

Sherrie, put another log on the fire.
Cook me up some kosher bacon and some beans.
And go out and herd the sheep in for shearing.
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.
Come on, baby, you can pour my cheap wine and then go fetch my slippers.
And boil me up another pot of tea.
Then put another log on the fire, babe,
And come and tell me why you're marrying me.

Now don't I let you wash the ute on Sunday?
Don't I warn you when you're getting fat?
Ain't I a-gonna take you crutching with me someday?
Well, a man can't love a woman more than that!


Sergeant Spencer Hocking Normally attacks tall trees but ripped into Rear Entry, the rabid rabbit was as erratic as ever and at it again running rampant at the bbq while Silic was going Nuts with the Schnapps. The Char grilled Steak overtook the snags and 10 experts were required to volunteer advice.
Run number 1691 was overlooked as an upside down palindrome or something.  One likes ones 69 between ones.  A very nice number1691, like 1961 was a very good year.
Some people still read the weekend Courier and saw snaps of Shafted and a scrubber celebrating the racing industry with another Committee while Half a Bar featured in the Woolgrowers Weekly, for his fine efforts.
Mrs Dickhead, while bending over to pat the dog was surprised by a big licking on her lips…of her mouth, same spot that a Newington mut had mauled earlier in the year. A dodgy doggy pattern is developing.
Fluid Movement, served as Grog Master in socks only. i.e. no Joggers due to an unforseen oversight.
Dr Rowdy was charged for failing to curb the spread of whooping cough, Ebola and women’s legs.  Lois Lane,(2 out of 3), and Bad Hair Day were selected to model the new face masks, designed to catch the errant infected phlegm before it is ingested by others.
As a mark of respect, Lois chose to wear hears as a little skull cap. A kippah or yarmulke, the Goldspeilvogelsteins were suitably impressed.

Before adjourning to the dining trough, Plucka Duck was decreed Town Crier. (“I haven’t got a loud voice”. Pardon? “I haven’t got a loud voice”. Pardon? “I haven’t got a loud voice”. Pardon?)  She delivered the Hash Wide rhymed invitation to the Wedding of The Year when Half a Bar and Bar Licker become one in a matrimonial sense. Same Bat Time Same Bat Place, 24 January 2015. A week before Lois’s 50th?give (or take) a decade.
A feast ensued, with plenty of fluffy white bread and salads to have with the char-grilled Greene Grub. Nothing a good splash of sauce and a few more beers couldn’t fix.
Next Week’s Run: Devils Kitchen & Happy Valley Hall Hare;  Shafted Theme; Weekend Extravaganza, Cluster Fuck 1000

Saturday, November 15, 2014

RUN 1690 Venue: Alfredton PS Hare: Candida 10 November 2014

Shit!  Still haven’t handed in my assignment.  I will have to suck up to the teacher.  Bugger it! I’ll go straight to the principal.  That’s a 1IC of ALF which must be way better than 2IC of LINT, what’s next up the ladder there is no glass ceiling in this field.
The novelty events rolled on.  The gym was full of sweaty Hashers in school uniform (including the usual bloke-ettes) foreplaying games.  Then all outside for a lap of the oval, butt for the Billy Goat who jumped the fence and risked being processed by roaming around the old abattoir.
The Sprint Heats and the gerbils were on in earnest. Candida laeing us all with coloured neck bands, Roadrunner displaying his handicap being a lack of handicapping  skills.  The first few to finish in each heat were through to the final.  SS had just had a caffeinated milkshake and dashed for the line Dumb and Dumb were neck and neck but SOS flew home late to beat all but the wily old silver fox.
Heavy was on security at the gate watching through binoculars so he would not miss anything to screw. The Bill came and went while Normal waited outside the Principal’s office while more of the genial genital games went on in the Gym again.  Heads up arses in the tunnel ball and the naked twister mat game was a blast. Rear Entry, the rabid rabbit was again running rampant and even raised a legitimate sweat, his first at hash!
SS gets to hold a trophy for his sprint victory until his positive swab comes back.  Roadrunner was a rock of support for his darling Candida. The Party pies were scalding hot as they should be, tempered by tommy’s horse.
Formalities ensued; Welcomes back to Wilson, one of Spartacus’ old Volley Ball mates, Mounty and Pus Bucket had also returned.
Approaching significance in the book were Mounty’s 997 and Rowdy’s 998 (not counting the Balls Up runs)  close enough for a drink anyway. Plucka ZZ.  Melbourne Cup Sweep results were announced and prizes prised out of the coiffeurs.  Much went straight into SS’s MoFovember collection, a hat full of hope for Men’s Health.
Pink bits Floyd educationalist ditty theme song for Heavy’s nightly screw; (edited for legal reasons and taste?)
I think I need some medication

I think I need some taut control

I’ve got some flexion in my manhole

Hey Candida… try not to bare your soul

All in all there’s just a…nother prick in your hall

Sergeant Spencer Hocking tip toed through charges to not upset Normal, all in all he was in the hall. Pouring part charges into our pert host Candida was a favoured past-time. Roadrunner for rooting the teacher. Heavy volunteered a new clog to chug from before it got tinea taint. And there were many more including one for the on-her-knees grog master, FM

All in all it’s just a nother good night for us all!  Full of fun and frivolity and just a wee bit different. On After well attended at Top Eureka.

Next Week’s Run: Morrisons, Dollys Creek Road Hare;  Half A Bar and Bar Liquor Theme; Golden Fleece & Remembrance

Thursday, November 6, 2014

RUN 1689, Venue: East Point Clubrooms, Hare: Glider, 3 November 2014

A roll of masking tape, some wooden horse sticks, white boards race fields form sheets and two fluffy dice. Glider sought a volunteer as didn’t want just anyone holding his charms in the palm of their hand but Roadrunner was hesitant about rolling the dice again.  The stage was set! Cup Sweep open and closed the pressure was on to head off on the run.
The craftily carved clockwise curves cyclically centred on the clubhouse in the shape of a map of England.  The drink stop was at the old servo, freshly painted and temporarily devoid of graffiti. On home down the creek then the pressure is on to get under starters orders so we set out down down and out to the balcony.
Welcomes back the single man; the girls know who he is. Mounty is at the back of the queue as she was absent with our Pus. Welcome backs too to two Normal, we thought we’d lost him and his sense of humour.
Most significant run pointed out by the Billy Goat was related to 69 and Nummy, go figure. Something about his age and what he would like as a present.  Spence later revealed that as last week was 1000, arithmetic logic surely meant this week was 1001, the palindromic digit sum of two fingers and a bum.

Heavy, (lover of sport that he is) did his own version of a call of the card.  …although Rear Entry was in a new stable the single guy is running free and is yet to be corralled. SOS need blinkers as he finds it hard to stay on track, SS should be retired (he even drew Admire Rakti in the Sweep as a reminder).

Donuts was swabbed because he was considerably down in weight, as was Silic, a stone lighter but the healing scar led to his scratching. Mrs Dickhead has a new Jockey with a larger whip. Shafted has had a disappointing year in the Golden Stakes. The Billy goat has been taking a good sit behind the fillies

Why do you need a microphone?  Spartacus arksed as the HEAVY’S screw song boomed across the Eastern Oval for the amassed crowds to hear, the possum, the squirrel and the owl. None of which complained. The producer and sound engineer had the echo set purrfeck to peak performance of Tom Jones’ Delilah.

I saw the light on the night that I passed by the football club window
I saw the flickering shadows of stupid games on the blind

This is a running club
And as we get older it seems that we walk, I really don’t mind.


My, my, my, Dear Glider
Why? Why? Why Dear Glider?


He stood there laughing          
So, I pissed on his Volvo, and he laughed no more.

My, my, my, Dear Glider
Why? Why? Why Dear Glider?


Spence presided over charges rushed through because the first 2 races were to be run before dinner during which the Cup Sweep draw was conducted.

The Barman was a late Welcome Back Cotter, we needed him a lot so we got him on the spot so he wouldn’t get shot.
Races were run the dice were rolled, the men were timid and the women were bold.
It seemed Num and Dum were the winners of nearly everything (surely they won’t miss a sip or two of scotch). Zero olives though.  The Axedale parcel was won by country member and were well appreciated.

A great night thanks great efforts of Glider.  Thanks also to Bent and the ladies for the plates and dishes being done.

PS Sweep Results
Bent Nose, battling Ann and Rex here, is down to jockey weight and although riding a conveyance that has been around over a 1000 times, managed to be a Protectionist rather than a Driefontonic perfectionist and came home first in the Cup sweep.

Heavy seconded with Red Cadeaux, $30 dollars donated to SS and Movember

The Barman eventually shot home for third for Glider.

The $10 surplus from the sweep was also added to the SS Movember for Men’s Health.  The hat, starting with at least $40, will go around Monday.

Next Week’s Run: Alfredton Primary School Gymnasium   Hare;  Candida Theme; Schoolies Dress