Monday, August 27, 2018

27 - 8 - '18        Run 1894      Athletic Club

Virgin Hare DIMWIT's run from the Athletic (who said,
"Cat's Piss Central?") with the Hash 30+. The GM eventually 
called us about, & decided to keep the welcomes back 
for the Circle. 
DIMWIT told us about the run - undulating, scenic, short & 
with a Drink-stop.
On on was west up Mair St, & over the stairs inside the 
Station. Clearly no co-ordination with the train timetable - a
huge hold-up at the gates, waiting for the train. The School
Master Hare kept the 14 Super Athletes in check the whole
time, calling trail & on backs. Walkers & runners met up at
the Bakery Hill Flag, where SS led the chant. The welcome
Corona Drink-stop was out back of the Pub. The 3 bar flys
stayed at their own drink-stop a while, & were just in time 
for the Circle, in the brew room of the Athletic - minus vats.
GM PEBBLES had a welcome for the newly engaged 
PINK BITCH (FLUID's man) & as one bitch drinks .... you too
BITCHFACE.
                        (Stop yer fuckin' bitchin' ......... ).
Welcomes back were for GILF, EXIT, FLUID MOVEMENT,
NUMMY, HEAD HUNTER, ZIG, BEERFUCK, DUMBER
DONUTS & SPENCER HOCKING.
                   (Down down song, isn't very long ....... ).
PEBBLES called on Hash's "2nd best screwer" BITCHFACE,
but she was too tired to stand-in, so the stand-in stand-in
was ROWDY. ZIG yelled out "nothing's changed - ROWDY
was screwing everyone 12 years ago". They accused 
BITCHFACE of giving 'too much head' when she was a 
barmaid.
ROWDY said that the run was meek & mild, using bugger all
chalk & there was no allowance for the train stop. DIMWIT
became the 1st '2 limerick' Hare, with ROWDY's ending in,
"& the knob at the top they just lick". In absentia, MOUNTIE's
ended with, "his I.Q. & hat size the same". PEBBLES brought 
up visions of another famous virgin - Susan Boyle - & 
everyone but SILIC nearly puked.
                                    (Shitty trail ............. ).
Sergeant SHAFTED charged DIMWIT for putting on his best 
run ever, then ZIG for saying about marriage, "why buy the
book when you can join the library?", but SHAFFY wants the
'book' when ZIG's finished.
                       (Put it in your hand Mrs. Murphy ......... ).
He called out PLUCKA for writing down the sniffycunt runs
on a half used tissue. Runs were ROWDY 1171, CHRIS CROS
911, GILF 269 (better that 169), NUTCRACKER (ran her age),
BITCHFACE 25, & PINK BITCH 1. SILIC reckoned that you 
must have to be in the clique to get a drink.
                       (There's a game called 20 toes ......... ).
DIMWIT charged NUMMY for posting that he looked cute, then
SPENCE spun the old gag 'of DIMWIT ' with the box of 
condoms - plus tax!! DIMWIT stayed out to drink out of his
'new' right shoe, but HEAD HUNTER thought as a Catholic, he
should have drunk out of the left. Then came the DIMWIT
zinger - Jelly bean went to school to become a Smartie.
                        (He's a bastard .......... ).
DONUTS charged DIMWIT for the best run under Scott
Morrison, & speaking of Morrisons, you too HALF A BAR.
              Norway Hash Song ......... (No !!).
EXIT had HALF A BAR stay out for the Essendon advert on
his top, & then REAR ENTRY for not knowing the Richmond
song - good ploy to get an extra grog each week!!
                           (Hymn, hymn ........... ).
SPARTACUS has been pining for his love PUSBUCKET, so
Richy joined in on the bike ride - but motorised. 
                           (No, no, no ............... ).
BEERFUCK had a drink for only noticing the lack of accent
& not the curves of SHAFTED's lovely French strapper. Deb
wants SHAFFY to go to Spotlight for some new material.
                           (U.g.l.y. ............ ).
NUTCRACKER had a drink for her new 'beer' glasses, then
SILIC to DONUTS for thinking that BF meant bad fuck (have
you ever had such a thing?), but it was for BITCHFACE.
GILF & TEFLON both had a drink after hearing that the
French girl was on $19 an hour
 - GILF saying "you're more
than $19 an hour to me"....... Ohhhhhh.
                         (A soldier, a cunt-ry ........... ).
SILIC was charged for not going straight in to the food as
soon as it came out, & STUBBY just for being here.
                   (He's a piss-pot thru' & thru' ............ ).
NUM & DUMB had a drink for lasting 8 weeks in close 
company on the holiday.
                   (Your down down song ............ ).
Last charge was for new engagees FLUID & PINK BITCH.
                             (You're stupid ............ ).

Next week's run - 1895 - Hare SS from East / Point 
             Clubrooms.       Pizza & BYO grog.

Tuesday, August 21, 2018

20 - 8 - '18          Run 1893          The Stag

Hash 23 for the HER FANNY run with the FASCINATion of 
Learmonth. DIMWIT got us underway calling reverence, as
the Grand Master stepped up to welcome everyone. 
FASCINATOR told us that HER FANNY was unwell, so, from
us all, get well HER FANNY. He said that the run was all 
washed out, so we'll see how far the whinging takes us. 
There's a Drink-stop 'with something special', & beware,
there might be some dogs on the loose. SHAFFY asked if
there was any run he hadn't fucked up yet. "It was marked in 
yellow, red & blue, & go left down at the corner". That turned 
out to be the 'other' left (the one you hold the knife in !!), as 
we had to turn right. Turn right we did, then up the hill out the
back, down to the Lake's edge, & along to the Drink-stop
with the American touch - Miller's beer & a shot of Jim Beam - 
all in tribute to FASCINATOR's friends (past). 
At the Circle, BAD HEAD JOB received the Perpetual Horn
(BITCHFACE & NUTCRACKER !!), & the expensive cup 
with zeros. 
                 (Get a life life life ...... ), then BITCHFACE
           REAR ENTRY were out for not knowing the words.
                                  (You're stupid ...... ).
BITCHFACE was Stand-in Screw (SHAFTED thought 
Slip in Screw), & promptly reminded FASCINATOR that
pneumonia was no excuse for HER FANNY. She asked 
that with no trail left, was it actually a run anyway??
Then the limerick - "Fanny's just a nice word for cunt".
                          (Shitty trail ............. ).
Sergeant SHAFTED's 1st charge - for DIMWIT - being aptly 
named, having his run from the Athletic Brewery, since it's 
been splashed all over The Courier. 
                 (There's a game called 20 toes ......... )
HALF A BAR was next (direct from Kenya), whether he had 
cash for the Farmer's Donation Jar, & SILIC left a bit of small 
change.
Sniffycunt Runs for DIMWIT 52, QUICKDICK 60, FASCINATOR
80, CHRIS CROS 910 & NORMAL 1099 (ready for next run).
                    (Give us an A ........ from MASTABAIT).
It was HER VAG's 33rd Birthday. 
                    (Hashy Birthday fuck you .......... ).
ROWDY charged FOP for leaving the football so early at the
weekend, on Geelong's best day ever, & MASTABAIT tipped
9 out of 10 winners.
HALF A BAR charged fuckin' REAR ENTRY since the fuckin'
bar flys had been in conversation with fuckin' Jean behind the 
fuckin' bar. She said "You're still working at your age??"
                     (U.G.L.Y. you're ugly ..... ).
SHAFTED charged FASCINATOR for "no trail, 3.5k & 
should've been a live Hare".
Look out for the photos of SHAFFY 'shafting' MRS DICKHEAD
from behind, that caused the Grand Old Duke of York
comment, "& when he was only half-way up, he was neither 
up nor down".
NORMAL gave himself the Kilimanjaro charge, & then the old
dickheads, MASTABAIT, GLIDER, SS & REARY had a drink for 
standing in the Fishy Corner, & not the designated Old Fart
corner. Of course, there wasn't enough beer in the pub for
"when one dickhead drinks .......... "
                   (They're the meanest ........... ).
MRS D charged FASCINATOR for having his 'metro sexual
beer', then NUTCRACKER for being on her phone at the 
circle, & BITCHFACE for having (thanks SHAFFY), ten-ants
& not white ants!!
      (DIMWIT chimed in with the Hash Hymn - 'Swing Low' 
                           for the down down song).
SILIC charged QUICKDICK for saying, "not another fuckin' 
jug", then PEBBLES to FASCINATOR for no photo of 
HER FANNY (the car!!), but a photo of the motor bike.
                    (Hymn, hymn, fuck hymn ........... ).
NORMAL charged his chauffeur MASTABAIT, for bringing 
him to Hash very week in the Hilux, when everyone
shit-cans Toyota. 
                    (There's a game called 20 toes .......... ).
SPARTACUS took a charge for giving his crook arm a
work-out, QUICKDICK for wearing his work beany to Hash,
& SHAFTED for his exceptional Hash Gear.
                           (Oughta be .............. ).
DIMWIT's zinger (during a great value Pub Meal & no 'line' 
on the wine glass), ....... The chicken rolled in the dirt once 
he'd crossed the road ..... he was a dirty double crosser!!

Next week's run - 1894 - Hare DIMWIT, Athletic Club. TBC. 

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

13 - 8 - '18.      Run 1892      North Britain

Hash 32 making it to ROAD RUNNER's run from the Britain -
15 Super Athletes, some Walkers & Bar Flys, & in great 
weather despite the RA's absence.
SPENCER HOCKING called the reverence, standing in for
QUICKDICK, dragging the chain.
ROAD RUNNER told us that the run was his typically,
"short, sharp & quick", but stay on trail. Not far into the run, 
BITCHFACE & NUTCRACKER wanted a horn, but it was 
much too cold for "that". We went clockwise this time, & 
finished up at the Peroni & Heineken Drink-stop, under the
shop veranda just by Tidy's, (he was a no show - must have
been out "Doing a Deal").
At the circle, the first couple of charges went off into the 
ether - Scribe had misplaced the book.
MOUNTIE began the ROAD RUNNER screw saying, "Oh what
a feeling, now he's got CANDIDA". She reckoned CANDIDA
hadn't raided enough chalk from the Staff Room - a long time
between arrows. Said that PRECIOUS being "young & 
precocious", was out to commit suicide in front of a car.
The Drive mag was next & then the Limerick "Any event more
'funner', CANDIDA's not sure if he's 'dunner'. Top marks
for ROAD RUNNER on the car board.
Sergeant SHAFTED's 1st charge - for CANDIDA, & trotted out
the old gag - "is it in yet? put it back in the sand". MRS 
DICKHEAD joined the charge - when one teacher drinks ...... !!
                       (Do your tits hang low .......... ).
Sniffyc*nt runs were for NUTCRACKER 54 (?), MRS D 550 
(with SPENCE banging on about digit sums), & ROWDY 1169.
                                   (Get a life ............ ).
ROAD RUNNER was quick to get BAD HEAD JOB out for 
sooking about the "restaurant rip-off" being present - just as
well 'I' clawed back earlier with a 5th stubby at the Drink-stop.
QUICKDICK called out NUTCRACKER for not mentioning 
Hash once in her Courier article, & MRS D out again for the
Birthday Drink.
                        (Get back in the kitchen ......... ).
REAR ENTRY took a drink for being the Village Idiot, since 
the Ball's Up will be at the Village 'Green' Pub, & then they
claimed that CANDIDA's beany would've been from the Lost
Property.
                   (There's a game called 20 toes ......... ).
GILF & TEFLON had been in Sydney for the City to Surf, &
ROWDY had a drink for going thru' "motions" - (with a 
spatula??).
                    (This is your down down song ....... ).
BITCHFACE doesn't work in the song 'Where's the 
playground Susie", DIMWIT's zinger to MOUNTIE - "Wally
wears stripes - doesn't want to be spotted", & THE BILL 
won't call trail on the run.
                            (They're alright ....... ).
MRS D charged QUICKDICK for having a female accent, then
QUICKDICK returned with the camouflaged meal orders - 
MRS D instead of MRS DICKHEAD, & Susie for BITCHFACE.
                            (Oughta be .......... ).
LOIS LANE had the "Grab a Black & Decker" gag, & then
MOUNTIE, PUSBUCKET, LOIS & BOOTROOTA - the go on 
holiday drink.
                       (Fuck off ya cunts .............. ).
Last charge for 'various', to get rid of a jug.
                    (Why were they born so ............ ).
Absentees & evacuees were noted - dunno' why - Pub Meal
of 3 salmon patties for $27 is good value !!

Next week's run - 1893 - Hare FASCINATOR.
            TBA, but probably from The Stag, Learmonth.

Monday, August 6, 2018

6 - 8 - '18          Run 1891         Park Hotel

SPENCER HOCKING's "7.5k I'll set it on the bike so the 
bastards never get to the Drink-stop" run from the Park.
He told us that Religious Adviser D&C had done her work,
with the current good weather. He said that it was set in chalk
& flour, & maintained that if you see it mostly on the right,
(& it was !!), you're going the wrong way??? It wasn't long 
before the 15 or so super athletes found that the RA needed 
a good "rogering", as the rain was horizontal with the 
piercing wind. We 'eventually' made it to the Drink-stop at
"Tilpa Camper - Am I really drunk Daryl?" Errol's place in 
Sturt St., for a welcome Carlton & BBQ'd snag in bread.
At the circle, PEBBLES had welcomes back for HALF A BAR,
FANG, SHAFTED & Richy.
                                   ( Give us an A ....... ).
MOUNTIE began screwing SPENCE, presenting 3 Drive mags, 
& a blast for for the RA, "She had only one job !!" THE BILL
had 'had his wings clipped', being sent the wrong way, then 
the Limerick - 4/5ths of 5/8ths of fuck all.
                                   ( Shitty Trail ......... ).
Belated welcomes back for ROAD RUNNER & BOOTROOTA,
(he said "I'm not here").
                             (They're the meanest ......... ).
Sergeant SHAFFY announced the sniffyc*nt runs - 
DIMWIT 50, HEAD HUNTER 60 & SPENCER HOCKING 1144.
                                    ( Get a life .......... ).
BOOT had a drink for his "sartorial excellence at Hash", 
sporting the flowing scarf, then MOUNTIE reminded us that
there was no relationship to her black eye & SPARTACUS'
crook arm.
SPENCE trotted out the old gag to DIMWIT about the extra
$20 in his pocket to cover the "shit in his pants".
            ( His foreskin hangs down to his knees ....... ). 
DIMWIT & NUTCRACKER had the butt-plug drink - 
NUTCRACKER saying "it went straight in & I didn't feel 
a thing!!" , then DIMWIT's zinger, "Frog & Horny Toad - 
ribbit ribbit, rub it rub it".
                                 ( Oughta be .............. ).
MOUNTIE charged THE BILL for not making it to the 
Drink-stop, then ROAD RUNNER's charge to SILIC for his 
entree' of a dozen snags.
                               ( No no, bad bad .......... ).
PEBBLES charged SPENCE for making sure the run 
passed the WC in the park, Centrelink & KFC. FANG joined 
in for having his daily coffee at Macca's, & FERGIE just had 
a free drink.
                 ( Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ......... ).
Last charge from PUSBUCKET to LOIS LANE for saying 
that Errol's got the "biggest & cleanest dick".
                         ( She's alright ............ ).

Next week's run - 1892 - Hare ROAD RUNNER from the
                                          North Britain.

(Don't forget to organise your 2nd mortgage thru' the week!!).