Tuesday, September 25, 2018

24 - 9 -'18     Run 1898    Library Carpark

GLIDER's "envelope clue" history run with the Hash 35+.
6 packs were being spread around to pay out the football bets
as QUICKDICK, then BENTNOSE & finally FASCINATOR got
some reverence. PLUCKA joined the 200 Club & was awarded
her little Pink Plucka Duck.
The 20 or so Super Athletes headed off into the arctic wind
looking for the first clue "A". DIMWIT peered at the first circle
of arrows (that wasn't a clue), & said, (not having a clue),
"that doesn't look like an A". Eventually we came across "A",
that told us "B" was the block of flats at 418 Drummond, on 
the site that was the home of EXIT's Great Grandfather 
'Charles Reeves Rick', who's buried at the old cemetry, where 
Check "C" was, at the gates. On down MacArthur & Doveton 
to the Drink-stop & Down Downs at DUMBER's "Car-over 
Sheltered Workshop". The Bar Flys were busy watching the
WAGs, & missed the down downs, with only 1 making the
On After.
Welcome to new runner Damian (PIMP's bro-in-law), who
answered the question "who made you cum?" - PIMP
SHAFFY worked out that "Damian roots the Sister of the
Sister who roots PIMP", then SPENCE thought that "if they
cut out the girls, they could root each other".
Welcomes back for EXIT, NUTCRACKER, BP, PAULINE
CHRIS CROS, PRECIOUS & SQUIZZY
                  (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ....... ).
GILF was out of sight, out of mind & had a welcome back
drink with FASCINATOR.
                   (Oh, the wiggle of her arse ................).
Best Hash Screw MOUNTIE was next, & said that GLIDER
had to answer the 'huge black mark' of no TV on Brownlow
Night, the A.B.C.'s weren't reliable, someone spat on one of 
the marks to stick down an envelope, one clue was read too 
early, & we didn't get to see where G. G. Pop is buried.
Of course 'A' for ancestor, 'B' - block of flats, 'C' - cemetry, 
& 'D' - DUMBER's drink-stop were all clues themselves.
GLIDER got his 2 Drive mags & then the limerick, "the long
distance lover, only comes once a week from Axedale".
SS, PIMP, DIMWIT & HER FANNY finally had their spots 
marked on the Leader Board (BITCHFACE only had 1 job !!!).
                                  (Shitty trail ......... ).
SHAFTED announced PLUCKA's 200 ( a 2 & a pair of titties).
When SHAFFY asked PEBBLES for ideas for PLUCKA's 200,
he answered "Ahhh", so she was presented with the 
silver R, that pulled apart to make 2 R's.
                                 (Get a life ...........).
GLIDER 737, PIMP 30 & QUICKDICK 64 - the Wedding 
Anniversary present .......... followed by a very tentative,
                     (Give us an A .....) from NUTCRACKER.
HEAD HUNTER's Birthday, GILF's last Tuesday, & EXIT's on 
the 29th.
                          (Hashy Birthday fuck you .......... ).
DONUTS had a drink as stand-in Grogmaster while
NUTCRACKER was away - he served warm beer & didn't
wear her 'classy' new glasses.
                                  (You'e stupid .......... ).
BENTNOSE gave GLIDER a drink for his "no sense of smell",
standing next to SQUIZZY's farts, then ROWDY & PEBBLES
drank up for their Collingwood gear.
                           (Fuck off ya cunts ............. ).
DIMWIT's '2' zingers - Blind circumciser got the sack, &  
Rich circumciser got all the tips - boom boom !!
DONUTS charged GLIDER for saying that he couldn't find
a Volvo (who said vulva??) in the Drive mag, & then came the
gag about "your hand down the black fellers shorts - you 
feel a bigger prick driving a Volvo". It took GLIDER half the
night to make it out the front, so Damian took his drink.
                       (A soldier, a cunt, a country .......... ).
A bit of argy-bargy from SQUIZZY to DIMWIT about DIMWIT
drinking out of SQUIZZY's new shoes, then PIMP for 
sending the Collingwood theme song to DUMBER.
                       (They're the meanest .................. ).
MOUNTIE charged MRS D for the Strawberry Cruise - hope
there's no needles, then DONUTS to DUMB & NUM for the
'Cavity Protect Frame' hanging on the workshop wall 
for NUM.
PIMP charged GLIDER (Damian drank again), for declining
a grog as we passed the Adult Shop, then MRS D to 
HEADHUNTER & QUICKDICK for the flat chested award.
                        (A soldier, a cunt, a country ............ ).
HER VAG gave MOUNTIE a drink, seeing as PUSBUCKET
had been sighted strolling along with the yoga mat tucked
under his arm - obviously to appease the Bride.
On After at Top Eureka, & SILIC (the only bar fly) missed the
long table & had to settle for cleaning up the scraps at the 
table for 6. 

Next week's run - 1899 - Hare Richie. On on Midlands Golf.





Tuesday, September 18, 2018

17 - 9 - '18      Run 1897      Smythesdale

HER VAG's Run from the Smythes Gardens. The Scribe's 
6:05pm pick-up eventuated by 6:30, & late enough at the 
Gardens to miss the Athletes. The 7 or so bar flys stoked the
nicely prepared fire, kicked a few stones by the fireplace, had 
a beer & generally 'solved' the AFL & Horse Racing stuff. The
stroll to the 'Furphy & mulled mixer' Drink-stop in the shelter
50M away didn't even raise a pant.
At the circle, PEBBLES welcomed back the "Best Screw"-
MOUNTIE, who reckoned BITCHFACE was no hard act to
follow - she hadn't even presented the leader board. The run
was beautifully set, & 'busy' amongst Smythesdale's heavy
traffic, the downside being MOUNTIE having to follow DIMWIT.
Then the limerick about "suck on his dick & only too happy to 
let her".
                         (Shitty Trail ............. ).
Welcomes back were for LOIS LANE, MOUNTIE, PUSBUCKET,
FOP, BENTNOSE, DR DEATH & FANG.
                         (You're ugly .............).
Sergeant SHAFTED was still wearing the 'teeth' from the lolly
jar, & charged SILIC for eating all the others, then DIMWIT 
came out for a drink 'because he could'.
                          (They're the meanest ...........).
Drinks for sniffycunt runs were - PLUCKA 199, HER VAG 108
(one, zero, & fat lady), REAR ENTRY 614 (really?), SILIC 900 
(SHAFFY says that Roman Numerals 'CM' for SILIC means 
'Cunt of a Man') & BHD 1008. SILIC stayed out for another 
drink, since "he'll be a sick boy if he keeps eating so much", 
& then the presentation of the Fat Yellow Squeaky Pig.
NUM NUM was in the SILIC Hash Shirt, & charged him for 
there being no small sizes, so there began the autographing
of said shirt on boobs & all.
                          (Get a life, life .............).
SHAFTED charged HEAD HUNTER & QUICKDICK for being 
in their matching red jackets, & said that HEAD HUNTER 
would look better out of hers.
                (There's a game called 20 toes ..........).
PUSBUCKET charged Pies' Supporters, BITCHFACE, ROWDY
& PEBBLES for the Collingwood dental DNA, no library &
that banned substance - 'toothpaste'.
                 ( A soldier, a cunt, a country .............).
NUMMY charged Hare HER VAG for wanting all the men to
bring wood - but didn't see any woodies, then PEBBLES to
HER VAG, that they're all going home without a woodie.
The Sergeant charged SS for dropping his Melbourne Ladies 
Card.
                             (You're stupid .......... ).
LOIS LANE charged SILIC for when NUMMY asked him at the 
start " would you like us to wait?", he said, "I'm not cumming
tonight".
DIMWIT's zinger - a question to ROWDY - "the difference 
between Swine Flu & Bird Flu?" - treatment or tweetment, so 
when 1 Dr drinks, you too QUICKDICK & DR DEATH.
PEBBLES had a drink from LOIS for the 'deaf gyno' having to
lip read, & a rebound to LOIS from SHAFTED - all blind people 
need to lip read, then MOUNTIE to SHAFTED asking if he'd
'shoe'd horses', but he hadn't, he'd only fucked a donkey.
                    (No no, bad bad ............... ).
LOIS charged MOUNTIE for the crutchless knickers, then
BENT was out for the cluster of acacia flowers.
                     (His one skin hangs ..........).
SHAFFY charged SS, FANG, GLIDER & DONUTS for the down
downs too long, then SS to DUMBER & DR DEATH for 'The
 Grand Old Flag'.
                      (What a wank ........... ).
Thanks to VAG for the 4 tasty curries & rice, enjoyed by all,
(& scraped out by SILIC), before the tray of sweets made it to 
the table - not forgetting the lovely fire!!

Next week's run - 1898 - Hare GLIDER from the Library 
Undercover Carpark, Armstrong St. On after Top Eureka. 


Wednesday, September 12, 2018

10 - 9 - '18      Run 1896      North Bowls

"Extra Virgin Hare" PIMP had the Hash 24 in attendance.
PEBBLES welcomed new runner Murray, & he was here
because "he knew Susie like he knew Susie ...", but "he 
didn't know BITCHFACE like we know BITCHFACE"... Oh ....
PIMP told us that setting the run, SILIC helped out, but 
drove round in the car (well, he can't run or walk, can he?),
& PIMP had No1 daughter on as apprentice.
13 Super Athletes headed out & around Soldiers Hill, & a 
fair part of Black Hill, looking at trail arrows that could be 
seen from Space!! We eventually came across the Carlton 
Dry Drink-stop (marked out after most had passed by) at the 
SILIC Killeen address. We all ooh-ahh'd at the progress of
the face-lift nearly completed, just as partner Louise 
entered via the adjoining gate, (with the 2 Four-leggeds,
Daisy & Rosie), just to borrow a cup of sugar. A bit of 
passive thought floated in after a while, "where's ROWDY 
& SOS?
Back at the Circle, PEBBLES welcomed Murray, a welcome
back to SOS & praised PIMP for a good 1st run, albeit with
SILIC's help.
                 (This is your down down song ...... ).
2nd best Screw BITCHFACE thought the run started well,
but felt like a pimp herself, sometimes standing at street
corners. She reckoned PIMP had overwritten part of last
week's run, & then marked the Drink-stop much too late.
The limerick from afar ..... "Out of Alison by SILIC, but alas,
he's a fuckin' pillick". 
                                (Shitty Trail .......... ).
Sergeant SHAFTED brought out the sniffycunt runs - 
SILIC 899, DONUTS 707 (SHAFFY thought LOL, but was 
reading the book upside down), SOS 311, HEAD HUNTER
(will you still need me when I'm) 64 & Murray 1.
                  (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ....... ).
DUMBER was charged for "why does everyone ring ME?"-
(MOUNTIE phoned him at 1:43am) ........ because you 
answer straight away!!
DIMWIT's zinger came with a charge for SPENCER 
HOCKING because he'd heard from a reliable source 
(not a reliable sauce), that SPENCE liked Chinese Food .... 
here it is ....... the "2 little popping eyes" gag ................ 
      Peking Duck!! (boom boom).
NUMMY had a charge for SPARTACUS, & brought out an 
original Ballarat H3 250 Run singlet. The Hare for run 250
was SS, & the run was from the Mineral Springs pub. She 
paraded with the singlet on (upside down), & the crutch
shots abounded!! TEFLON then charged ROWDY for the 
Magpies' win in the Rugby.
                    (There's a game called 20 toes .......... ).
FASCINATOR charged SPARTACUS for being the ultimate 
traveller - never been north of South Australia, MRS 
DICKHEAD to BITCHFACE for comments about the dirty 
singlet, & PEBBLES charged BITCHFACE, saying 
namesake (Toby) Green should've been rubbed out for
a week.
ROWDY had overheard PIMP & Leah at a romantic dinner,
when Leah said "am I the only 1?" to PIMP's reply, "Yes,
but I've had a couple of great 6's & an 8 !!"
                     (A soldier, a cunt, a country ........ ).
SPARTACUS was out there again, this time for the 
backwards spelling of his name ..... "sucatraps", & then
FASCINATOR for asking "where do we start?" - at the 
start you fuckin' idiot!!
PEBBLES charged PIMP for having the daughter set part
of the run in the 'dangerous' bushland, (well SILIC couldn't
get out of the car!!), & then MRS D to PLUCKA for saying 
that she only needs to run down hills.
SHAFTED charged PIMP for the amount of flour in the 
markers, almost sending him arse up.
                   (They're the meanest ................ ).
FASCINATOR had charges for PIMP (& SILIC) - why would 
he take instructions from an old man who hadn't had a run
in 800, hasn't been to the hamburger cart in 30 minutes, &
then set a run that looked like it was gonna' finish in Ballan,
not to mention marking the Drink-stop after most had 
passed it.
FASCINATOR was "Stand-in HALF A BAR" for the night,
saying the fuck word 27 times in one charge.
                              (You're stupid ......... ).
SHAFTED charged FASCINATOR for standing & stroking 
Murray - "we've got a cat called Murray" he said. Murray's
Birthday is on Christmas, so it's obviously 'Murray 
Christmas'.
                             (Give us an A .................).
PEBBLES had NUMMY out for calling her son Murray, just
because he was conceived by the river, then SILIC to 
THE BILL for not getting to the Killeen Drink-stop.
Last charges for PIMP & DUMBER for getting off on 
horse porn.
                        (Finnish drinking song ........ NO !!).
A great & very tasty roast was bill of fare, duly prepared by
the Extra Virgin Hare, Horse Flesh Trader & ex Chef PIMP.

Reminder from the GM about the Oct 22nd BlackTie & 
Jan 1st '19 bus to Burrumbeet Races.

Next week's run - 1897 - Hare HER VAG from 
                               Smythesdale Gardens.








Tuesday, September 4, 2018

3 - 9 - '18         Run 1895        East/Point

Could it be the "SS trot" remembering the CAPTAIN BRYCE 
Cantor of years ago? Whatever the name, the Hash 28 
assembled for SS's run from the East/Point Clubrooms.
We were advised to BYO Grog, but emergency barman
SPARTCUS stepped up, offering the beer sales.
SS told us about the run - about 5.5k, marked mainly  left,
some right, with the odd shicky, & don't short cut. Follow 
trail to the Drink-stop.
14 Super Athletes headed toward Peel St., only to find one
ROWDY still inside the grounds, devoid of a gate (not gait !!),
& his reply - "I'm defenceless." We continued into the 
fabulous East via some of the Black Hills, & up thru' Soldier's
Hill, then back to the welcome Crownie / Cruiser Drink-stop at 
the Bowling Club carpark.
At the Circle, the ultraviolet lights highlighted the usually
unseen bits - (photos F/Book H3 page).
GM PEBBLES called on the "2nd best screw in Hash",
BITCHFACE. She said "it's now officially Spring, so there 
should've been some change, but not so". Wayward 
athlete ROWDY was 1st mentioned, then PLUCKA, for nearly
getting kidnapped. BITCHFACE said that the markers were 
HH, HC, & C, but no F's. There was DFFSS tho' on the car's 
number plate - was that 'Frederick or Fucking' Faulkner?? 
The Drive Mag was presented, then the limerick about the 
"Geriatric Poof that keeps himself neat ........"
                            (Shitty Trail ............. ).
Sergeant SHAFTED mentioned SS's Dad having Dealerships
all over the place, including the one opposite Crawfords. 
Then the story about the pig being hit while crossing the 
road, eventually smashing a windscreen, so out you come 
THE BILL.
                   (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ....... ).
As it's the car theme, SS stayed out for being pulled up at
4am one morning, with A40 hearing all on the Cops Scanner.
Sniffycunt Runs were for NUTCRACKER (drinking for her 
age .... again), & SILIC 898, that drew the usual 'digital sum' 
comment from SPENCER HOCKING, but he failed to follow 
thru', & had to slink off toward the waiting pizzas, without 
further ado.
                  (There's a game called 20 toes ............ ).
ROWDY charged D&C for her recent run with Noosa Hash,
SPARTACUS had a drink to celebrate the Daughter's win 
in her Grand Final.
FASCINATOR washed HER FANNY's car (not her fanny!!),
but left the dog shit inside the car.
                              (You're stupid ............. ).
FASCINATOR charged PLUCKA for tapping him on the arse
during the run - he'd complained that the 'Me Too' Brigade
were making him feel left out. 
SHAFFY gave PLUCKA a drink for her choice of pizza, then
MRS DICKHEAD to HEAD HUNTER with her crook back, & 
not being able to bend forward. 
                               (Give us an A ............. ).
DUMBER & BHD had a drink for the ultraviolets showing up
the neon socks thru' the holes in the shoes.
John Cotter had a drink for scoffing his dinner in 5 minutes 
at the Robin Hood, just to get back to the Hash Night.
DIMWIT had duo-zingers - 'Name of the lady who burnt the 
invoice?' - Burn a Debt, & 'Name of the lady in the middle of
the Tennis Court?' - An-net.
HALF A fuckin' BAR had a fuckin' charge for fuckin' DIMWIT
for something about "reading a fuckin' joke in the Sun", then
DUMBER gave SPENCE "the maths equations on Essendon's
performance" charge.
                     (Hymn ......... fuck hymn ........... ).
DUMBER charged ROWDY for wearing the footy jumper - he
said "you normally give away wearing it when you grow up".
SHAFTED & REAR ENTRY had a drink together for being
prospective virgin Grandparents, & then SHAFTED to
BAR LICKER for her great welcome on Sunday, for the young
French Maid.
                     (Oh, the wiggle of her arse .............. ).
SHAFFY then charged TEFLON for the lack of horn blowing,
& BAD HEAD JOB for giving no lessons on same - (of course,
you only have to 'fart with your mouth').
PEBBLES & BHD where there for the ultraviolets shining a 
treat on the domes, then SHAFFY's hat was removed to
increase the glare.
Pizzas arrived during the down downs, & while most were the
same type, a couple were 'over jalapenoed' (at least for the 
scribe - 2am pain!!). SILIC made sure that there were bugger 
all left-overs.

Next week's run - 1896 - Virgin Hare PIMP 
                                          from North Bowling Club.