Tuesday, October 30, 2018

29 - 10 - '18     Run 1903     Buninyong

QUICKDICK's 'Claytons Bush' & Town run from The Crown. 
We circled up for the reverence around the circled concrete
paving & had welcomes for visitors POLARIZED & HOOTU 
from Lismore Hash, NSW.  QUICKDICK demo'd his trail
heiroglyphics on the concrete, with a squirt of flour from
a drink bottle, while some of the gathered, thought that
Shane Mumford might have been lurking in the back with
a straw.
15 Super Athletes took off on the 5k run, initially thru' some
of the streets, soon to reach the goat tracks of the Bunny
bush. A couple of runners soon became walkers, & some 
thought that SHAFFY might have gone down a mineshaft, 
but realized he would've got stuck at the top !! 
Co-Hare HEADHUNTER was taking care that the (ahhem)
'slower' athletes were kept on trail, making some live trail 
(flour) marks from her 'drink' bottle. The well stocked 
Carlton Drink-stop was welcomed by the sweaty following.
The Circle was in the rotunda shelter, not 100m from the
Pub, but still too far for the 4 bar flys to join in.
PEBBLES called out SHAFTED for his 'official' 600th run, as
last week was just a piss-up, or in FOP's case, an arse up.
             (Get a life ....... )     ...... & then a welcome drink for 
                       POLARIZED & HOOTU.     
             ( There's a game called 20 toes ....... ).
The very best Hash Screw MOUNTIE was next & talked 
about the wonderfully marked & beautifully set run, where 
there was plenty of conversation about conversation, and
head jobs & wanking. POLARIZED gave everyone a good 
view of her arse as she fell over. The Drive mags had a 
headline for QUICKDICK that said 'Top Dog', & then the
limerick, "HEADHUNTER said less quick & more dick".
       (Shitty Trail ........ ) ..... & SHAFFY reckoned it should be
"less HUNTER & more HEAD".
PIMP was next for his sniffycunt 33rd run, & SILIC had a 
906, but was too busy at the bar. PIMP had a 2nd for being 
such a critic of his old man - SILIC.
               (No no, bad bad ............ ).
DUMBER was charged for saying that his polarized glasses
went dark "in the cold", & as it's all about being polarized,
you too POLARIZED. LOIS LANE called out QUICKDICK 
& (PLUCKA) for not explaining the "waving about of arms"
on the run, as PLUCKA was doing.
                (The wiggle of her arse ........... ).
BITCHFACE gave MOUNTIE a drink for falling over at 
Footscray Station on Saturday, then BITCHFACE took one
for falling over when she was pissed.
LOIS LANE had POLARIZED out for showing everyone her
'gash' after her fall.
                 (They're alright .......... ).
PIMP charged SHAFTED for his lack of birdology on the 
run - we did have the 'Ooh-Hoo' bird.
Last charge - DUMBER to BITCHFACE for being "asked to
leave" The George.
Obviously there's a sub-group in the making, with the 
bar flys not making it to the Drink-stop, the Circle, & then
having to 'dain' together at their own special table.

Next week's run - 1904 -  Old Colonist's Club for the 
Cup Calcutta - Fashions on the Field - Gash on the Grass.
$35 for meal & $15 for extras (shared amongst attendees).

Over & out - Stand-in Scribe should return for 1905. 





Tuesday, October 23, 2018

22 -10 - '18   Black Tie Night  Reptile Gulch

There they were, the 35+ in the 'Car Theme' attire, outside the 
Sheltered Workshop & drinking grog, waiting for the drop of the 
flag for the 3 bongo vans full of well stocked grog buckets & 
nibbles. PEBBLES, DUMBER & DUMBER & A40 were the 
designated decoys for the A, B & C teams, on the mystery trip
that began along Doveton, to a right turn at the Crematorium,
& along past 5 Ways. The real estate along part of Springs Road
was pointed out, but only 1 of the past residents was on board.
Next was a 'photo op stop' at Black Hill Look-out, taking in the 
sunset. We continued on to the next stop at SHAFTED's Office,
where the C Team bus overtook B Team, for our own Flasher
FOP to have his 1st chance to bare his arse.
On to the Down Downs at 'Errol's by the Arch', with more 
nibbles & little boys in bread rolls.
PEBBLES' 1st charge was for Black Tie Helpers NUTCRACKER,
NUMMY & Errol. Then he had TEFLON out for the 500 GM cars
on display at the weekend, & of course, all GM's must drink
together, so out some of them came. 2nd round of GM's was
for HALF A BAR, MASTABAIT, CHRIS CROS & SHAFTED.
SHAFTED had another drink - they couldn't work out whether
he was masquerading as a Greek Orthodox priest, or a seat
cover, going by the look of his head gear.
PEBBLES & Tiarni the Pole Vaulter were next - her cumming
as immoral support for the GM, but who provides the pole?
Errol had a drink for having the blue rinse in the WC, "because
the shit stinks !!"
MRS DICKHEAD charged PEBBLES for having Tiarni buy his
bow tie on the Web, then HALF A BAR charged FOP for getting 
his pants off while he was still sober - (little did we realize that 
there was much more to come !!).
                            (They're the meanest ....... ).
SHAFTED charged PYRO & BEERFUCK for some-et about 
holding hands on the bus, then PRAWN STAR & DOUBLE
ADAPTOR for their "why are we waiting?"
NUMMY was next for her headphones that resembled a pair
of truck tyres - she was "two tyred".
SNIFFYCUNT runs were for HEAD HUNTER's 69 (& who 
wouldn't ?), & SHAFFY's 600.
                             (Get a life ........... ).
PEBBLES called out A40 for his bus chauffeuring, & then we
were off. Back along Sturt St to the Sporting Globe, with FOP's
bare arse (& danglers) pressed up against the rear window
the whole time - all to DUMBER's dismay, driving the B Team
coach. 
FASCINATOR had been enjoying his own little 'solo black tie 
night', patiently waiting in the bar for the revellers to arrive.
The frivolity continued upstairs at The Globe, with more beer,
dinner & much 'darncing' to the great entertainment of
Mr Pobjoy - (he's got a Hash Name, I'm sure).

Next week's run - 1903 - The Crown, Buninyong.

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

15 - 10 - '18      Run 1901      Slatey Creek

The Bogan Bitches MOUNTIE & BITCHFACE's run, with 30+
Hashers, some happy campers & the Bogan Engagees. 
HEAD HUNTER & QUICKDICK were embarrassed in front of
the O.S. mates, for getting lost, even deciding to go in the 
opposite direction that HALF A BAR suggested.
FROZEN BALLS & PIRATE of the CARIBBEAN were 
introduced, & then MOUNTIE told us of the beautifully marked
4k run, but be careful of the deep mine shafts. "What about 
the walkers?" ...... "Fuck the walkers".
A good bush run followed, with a few ups & downs along the
goat tracks, eventually ending up at the VB Drink-stop, with
party pies & lollies, to boot. The "Bogan Engagees" were 
content laying on the dry stony river-bed, in their pre-coital 
anticipation, taking in all the marital advice from the Hash 
divorcees, REAR ENTRY et al.

Back at the Circle, a welcome for O.S. visitors FROZEN 
BALLS & the PIRATE.
            ......... wait for it ....... (Oughta be ........ ).
BENTNOSE was Stand-in Screw seeing as Best Hash Screw
MOUNTIE couldn't screw herself, but did her best "girl on girl"
with 2nd Best Screw BITCHFACE. The visitors were looking 
for a 10k run, but they had to get fucked, & then we heard of
the magnificently set run, with the walkers getting to see a
NUMMY kangaroo, & the girls seeing a lot of "shafts".
The limerick ..... "if you're not impressed, then be our guest,
& go fuck yourself".
                              (Shitty trail ............ ).
ROWDY had his own limerick,  "......... swallowing sprog .......
...... a mouthful is gone in a wink", (didn't pass on his script,
it went straight into the fire).
PEBBLES charged old fart DUMBER for going arse-up on 
level ground, giving him a corky.
                             (You're stupid ........... ).
Sergeant SHAFTED's sniffycunt runs were DAZED & 
CONFUSED 121, DONUTS 711, BENTNOSE 1312, BIG DOG 21,
& FROZEN and PIRATE 1 a piece.
                              (Get a life .............. ).
PLUCKA asked "What's for tea?" .... Blind venison ...........
........ - no eyedear !! PIMP had a drink as well, for finding the 
On On's every time.
                              (They're alright ........... ).
MRS DICKHEAD gave BENTNOSE & the son, PRECIOUS a
drink for their riotous effort collecting logs, with BENT full of
his own importance (well, who knew ??). PRECIOUS stayed 
out for a 2nd for his statement, "Oh, cum on Mum" - ewww!!
                          (She's a lumberjack ............... ).
QUICKDICK called out HALF "AN IDIOT" for getting lost & 
then pointing "go that way", but it was still wrong.
FANG charged MOUNTIE for asking for a 'log', & 
NUTCRACKER for producing her 'log of dog shit'.
                          (They're the meanest ............. ).
DUMBER charged QUICKDICK for his bogan Hi-viz gear, & 
not realizing that all Ballarat bogans wear Hi-viz, then FANG
had a drink for putting his knee support on the wrong side.
BITCHFACE & MOUNTIE were talking about 'tram tracks' or
a 'landing strip' on the lazered fanny, but DONUTS thought
it was more like a 'tram museum'.
DUMBER charged MOUNTIE for only remembering stuff
when she takes a shit, & PRECIOUS to HALF A BAR for his
'formal' wear at the bogan run.
                     (A soldier, a cunt, a country .............. ).
BENTNOSE charged BITCHFACE for mocking his 'bent'
finger (is anything else bent ?), with the print on the back 
of her shirt, then PEBBLES had a drink for crossing the line
in the marathon, & DIMWIT for the half. 
In DIMWIT's absence, BENTNOSE was installed to do the 
Dad Joke ....... "how many tickles to make an octopus 
laugh?" ........... ten tickles !!   (Bring back the DIM .... ).
Last charge for FROZEN BALLS, for cumming all the way
to OZ, just to see the bogans.
                      (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy .......... ).
LOIS LANE & HER VAGESTY were Stand-in Chefs for the 
rissoles & onions, with tomato, lettuce & cheese, followed
by the obligatory (& very nice) MOUNTIE carrot cake.

Next week's run - 1902 - Black Tie Night from Reptile Gulch
Sheltered Workshop at 6pm.



Tuesday, October 9, 2018

8 - 10 - '18     Run 1900     Nuggety Dam

ROWDY's traditional "Start of Daylight Savings Run" - with
the Hare resplendent in rainbow beanie & the fire roaring.
The Uber Driver Scribe was a late starter due to pick-ups
from South Daylesford & East Ararat, arriving just as the run
got under way. The 8 bar flys managed to struggle the 200m 
walk into the bush, to the well stocked Drink-stop.
Back at the Circle, QUICKDICK had an unsuccessful call for
reverence, followed with a bit more success from the bride, 
HEADHUNTER, & then a welcome for new runner Willie.
                      (He's alright ......... ).
MOUNTIE began the screw with the Drive Mag, then said 
about it being good to be back on a bush run. D&C likes a 
bush run she said, & the guys love going thru' "Max's bush",
- but hasn't she got a brazillian ?? The girls arrived early to
collect the wood, & the guys all had woodies watching them,
especially NUTCRACKER's arse. DONUTS quipped that 
MOUNTIE's arse could be higher, but then she was standing 
on a stump, & then there was the "arse off" between 
NUTCRACKER & MOUNTIE. ROWDY had to take 2nd place 
on the Leader Board, "because he can do better !!", & then
the Limerick - "In the bedroom ROWDY can't be trusted, & 
the known Hash floozy feared her arse had been busted".
                         (Shitty Trail ........... ).
It's dark by this stage, & the Stand in Scribe can't fcn see,
so charges may include but not limited to ............... !!
Stand in Sergeant SPENCER HOCKING had PEBBLES out
for the 1900th, & then for some reason, LOIS LANE, BP,
BENTNOSE & Willie.
                          (They're the meanest ........... ).
Sniffycunt runs were NUTCRACKER 58, DIMWIT 58, 
BENTNOSE ? ( SPENCE spruiked some 'familial reverse
palindromic' bullshit), DONUTS 710, PLUCKA 202, LOIS 848,
THE BILL?, REAR ENTRY?, GLIDER? & PRECIOUS? (more
than REARY).
                          (Here's to the old farts ............ ).
FASCINATOR charged REAR ENTRY for some-et about
NUTCRACKER & being pulled off in Kent St, then LOIS to
BP ............ about borrowing the car.
GILF took a drink from MRS DICKHEAD for not going on
runs, but happy to get on the bus. MOUNTIE wanted 
NUTCRACKER to explain all about a blow job, & BIG DOG
now has his eBike.
                (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ............. ).
QUICKDICK called SPENCE out for winning the "best mask"
award, but reckons he didn't have it on at the time. The bus
go-ers were next - GILF, HEAD HUNTER, PLUCKAMOUNTIE,
BITCHFACE, PUSBUCKET & QUICKDICK.
                            (You'rs ugly ............ ).
DIMWIT's zinger was a charge for SS for old fart multi tasking,
being able to sneeze, piss & fart all at the one time.
                            (He's the meanest ............. ).
MOUNTIE charged NUTCRACKER for some-et about a hash
hole, not MOUNTIE's hole.
                            (Oughta be .................... ).
By this stage, sausages were sizzling, there was a great 
toasting fire, & good to be back in the bush.

Next week's run - 1901 - Hares combined BITCHFACE &
MOUNTIE from Slatey Creek.
                        

Monday, October 1, 2018

1 - 10 - '18      Run 1899     Midlands Golf

The Virgin Hare "Richie Run" who doesn't !! Supposed to be
On After at Eureka Pizza, but in the confusion, the Food Van
turned up after all, & talking of confusion, CHRIS CROS was
Stand-in Choirmaster.
Richie said about a 4.2k run from the Canon out front, & a bit 
like Bathurst, reasonably flat with a bit of a hill, & a Drink-stop.
12 Super Athletes took to the streets around Midlands, a bit 
reminiscent of some previous ROWDY runs, & made a few
impromptu halts to keep the throng together. The well stocked
Carlton Drink-stop was in the garage of the Hare - minus the
HO - presumably tucked well away amid the Security.
At the Circle, welcomes back were for MASTABAIT & PAULINE.
                            (Give us an A ........... ).
PUSBUCKET interjected the formalities, saying that he's been 
known to frequent various hotels on various days (who knew?)
with the Hare. One of the barmaids asked "Where's Big Dog?"
& the rest is history.
Religious Adviser D&C had the Hare 'adopt the position', & 
then went thru' her chant (prompted by the screen on her 
phone), & gave an extra little tweak towards his nethers at the 
same time ................... arise BIG DOG
Straight away the Stand-in Choirmaster launched into "Shitty
Trail", to the combined uproar & BENTNOSE's insistence,
"You only had one job CHRIS CROS". 
BIG DOG & CHRIS CROS had a drink together.
Best Hash Screw MOUNTIE was next, & talked about the
"V8 Hero - not", & presented the Drive Mag. She said that we'd
gained another boring prick, as NUTCRACKER claimed that 
the run was "as boring as batshit". We passed Easy St, 
Slutty Rd (Slatey), Bogan Rd (Bogong), & now the Hash Girls
know where you live BIG DOG. She said that there weren't
enough arrows & they weren't even under the lights. "Owning
a GT you should be at the top of the leader board, but you're 
at the bottom with Fred Flintstone", & then the limerick,
"BIG DOG's in town & likes all his bitches to swallow".
                            (Shitty Trail ........... ).
PEBBLES called out NORMAL for his 1100'th run, saying that
he missed a welcome back, while he was on his phone.
                            (Hymn, hymn, fuck hymn).
Stand-in Sergeant ROWDY said that all the Big's should drink
together, so that's BIG DOG & Big Cunt NORMAL.
                            (You're ugly ..... ).
Sniffycunt runs were MOUNTIE 1177, NORMAL 1100, 
BHD 1010, REAR ENTRY 616, MRS DICKHEAD 555, 
& PAULINE 221 (1 short of the Bradman record).
MRS D was charged for sending out condolences for The Pies
loss, then PLUCKA for "destroying" BITCHFACES's house at
the Grand Final piss-up.
BITCHFACE called ROWDY out for being decked out in 
Blue & Gold after a year of the Black & White.
                              (You're stupid .......... ).
GLIDER paraded around the full page colour photo of a "much
younger SPARTACUS" & then SPARTACUS rolled up his right
sleeve to reveal a "real life pumped up Pop-Eye arm".
                        (This is your down down song ...... ).
Combined last charge was next for BIG DOG & his bikes, with
FASCINATOR's segue (segway - olo), BHD we couldn't hear 
the horn, MOUNTIE the short arse, & DUMBER's jacket with 
the FUCH's logo.
The Food Van ran hot, running out the 6" high burgers in 
small packs - SILIC's was a double pack for all of the chips.


Next week's run - 1900 - Hare ROWDY
The Daylight Savings Run from Nuggety Dam.