Monday, August 21, 2017

21 - 8 -'17      Run 1838     Buninyong Pub

So it's 6:20pm & I'm waiting at the front door, "They'll be here 
shortly, a bit further to Buninyong & REAR ENTRY said at the 
weekend, we'll pick you up". 6:30, 35, 40 ... 6:45, haven't heard, 
so I go in my car. Tuesday 9:30am, REARY phones to say 
"he's not picking me up".

It's farkin' Tommy HALF A farkin' BAR's run from the farkin'
Bunny Pub !! Hash 20 front up - runners head off & walkers
chauffered up the hill in DUMB & DUMBER's bus. Guinness
is on tap for the bar flys, & soon DUMBER is worried about 
stragglers, so decides to take the bus back up the hill, 
in search.
The Drink-stop & Circle were at PENNY FARTHING's (palace),
& a welcome catch up for all, with her.
FOP had welcomes back for HER VAGESTY, PENNY 
Stand in Screw was DAZED & CONFUSED, who said she had 
waited 50 years to 'screw' HALF A BAR. It was a trail-less run,
tho' H a B said "he'd spent 30 farkin' $s on lime". The run was 
all downhill, but they said he'd been going downhill, for a 
long time ........ S.H.I.T.T.Y. Trail ...... !!
Sergeant SPENCER HOCKING charged HALF A BAR for such
a lack of trail marks, if he did spend $30, then JITTERBUG's 
50c box of chalk was produced, that would do the same job.
The large box of rainbow came out for JITTERBUG ...........
..... you oughta be publicly .....!! Arrggghh.
D&C had a drink for the HALF A BAR screw being quick &
painless, & in NORMAL's absence, DONUTS had to take 
her drink.
HALF A BAR had a drink for 1888 (?) & the invention of the 
adding machine, then for 1838 & William Yuille. The words
'balla...rat' didn't actually mean 'resting place' after all, it was
what Yuille said to the aboriginals ..... 'fark off ' ....... "you're
stupid, you're really farkin' dumb..... etc.
CHRIS CROS charged TEFLON for being as slippey as
John Ibrahim with his secret passage out of the mansion,
but then of course, it became a rebound, 'cos on TEFLON,
no charge is going to stick.
JITTERBUG had a drink for her 'key to the door run' - 21st,
then BAR LICKER & D&C for ..... whatever??
SPENCE went on to charge HALF A BAR on the question 
of 21 being the digit sum of 3, which is the square root of 9,
which is the square root of 81, which is the digit sum of 9,
which is the square of 3 ..... ad naus!!
Katrina had to front up for having no Hash Gear, but at least
she was showing off her 'pink bits'.
FERGIE charged NUMMY for something about the snowman
having no balls, then DONUTS was charged (?), then 
BAD HEAD JOB (is there such a thing??) charged for the 
photo of the black lady in Rwanda with the umbrella on her 

Next weeks run - 1839, Hare FANG, On On - Athletic Club
Brewery, On After - Top Eureka.

Scribe is out (up to you BENT) - back for 1840, 4th Sept.

Monday, August 14, 2017

14 - 8 -'17     Run 1837       North Britain

ROAD RUNNER's run, that he described as magnificent with 
a few on-backs, & a good Drink Stop. The Hash 30 turned up -
10 bar flys, 8 walkers & the rest , super athletes, with the 
Crowny Drink Stop under the usual shop veranda.
At the circle, FOP welcomed back NUM & DUMB, CANDIDA,
Time for the Screw, & FASCINATOR thinks ROAD RUNNER
is tighter than a Scottish Lass. They left the Britain with great
optimism, only to realize the Hare had REAR ENTRY-ed the 
run, being stingy with the chalk. The Fascination Level only
reached 4.9, & that received the "You're stupid .... wasn't for 
your Mother" chant.
Sergeant SPENCE's 1st charge was the "not all about you" 
for PEBBLES & his 434 run.
NUM & DUMB had a drink for returning from The Cape (& with
the Cooktown Hash shirt), and NORMAL & MASTABAIT for 
going to The Cape. MASTABAIT had his gear stolen last week,
& this week it's NORMAL's dilemma, with the 'smashed $600
tail-light from the security door' debacle.
FOP charged REAR ENTRY for not wanting a ticket to the 
game at Geelong, 'in case the Tigers might lose', & DIMWIT 
had a charge for PEBBLES, talking about black vulvas  
(volvos) at Hash.
BENT NOSE charged the recently returned ROWDY for 
taking a month to walk across North Britain, & as BENT 
demonstrated, it only takes 5 seconds to stride across the
paving at (the) North Britain, & as all Doctors drink together,
enter DR DEATH.
GLIDER charged CANDIDA for the 'School Marm effect' -
reigning in ROAD RUNNER's use of the chalk.
DUMBER had a charge for the 2 Nash Hash Reps, SPENCER
HOCKING & SPARTACUS, for his having to drive 9,000 K's
to retrieve the glasses.
ROWDY gave DIMWIT 2 drinks, for saying hello to HEAVY
at SHAFTED's office, & then telling the 'piano down the 
mineshaft .... A flat miner' gag.  Your stupid, your stupid.. etc.
DIMWIT retaliated, charging ROWDY for 'never trust a Dr',
especially as ROWDY was leading on the run, & as all 
Doctors ....... have another drink DR DEATH
BENT NOSE had some charge (?) for DIMWIT, then all 
Magpie supporters drank together, PEBBLES, DR DEATH
ROWDY charged JITTERBUG & CANDIDA for the 'Clitterbug
known as candida'.

Next weeks run - 1838 - HALF A BAR at the Buninyong Pub.
Just wait for a FOP email at about 6:30 on Monday.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

7 - 8 -'17        Run 1836      City Oval Pub

DR DEATH was the (virgin) hare for, as the GM said, "an
intimate quorum", & I'm sure it's some time since the good 
Dr was a virgin as well. He said how the run was about 6km, 
would go past some stately homes & along laneways.
9 bar flys were left to quench thirsts, while 7 or 8 walkers
& 5 (only) super athletes took to the track. Seems there was 
no way of BENT NOSE being a starter, having already had 
his last night as stand in scribe - oh well, just have to unpick 
his name from the jacket, & then bat on.
The Drink Stop & Circle were at the Ballarat Football Club
social rooms, where JITTERBUG wanted to know if 
DR DEATH came in the back door - REAR ENTRY.
HALF A BAR looked like he'd been "mulesed" on the ear,
& BAR LICKER assured us that it wasn't by her.
At the circle, GM FOP welcomed back BAR LICKER
Stand in Screw PEBBLES, thought it was a good run, up & 
down laneways, he was reminded 4 blocks early about
the position of the Drink Stop, & it deserved a Bronze Award.
In HEAD HUNTER's absence, enough remembered the words
to "Shitty Trail".
NORMAL was Stand in Sergeant (where the hell is this 
Committee Grand Master??), & called out FOP for something
about "where had he been for the last 25 years?"
MASTABAIT had a drink (donated by Old Mate NORMAL) for
having the camping gear knocked off, from the roof of his car,
post-poning the Cape York trip.
GLIDER gave D&C the Betty Cuthbert drink, but of course,
that became NORMAL's, then DIMWIT was summoned for a
gag, & recited the "Ur a pee en" line.
Katrina, D&C, PEBBLES, THE BILL & DIMWIT drank together
as the running team. Was Katrina "pulling up" or "pulling off"
when D&C fell flat & where was the happy ending?
SS charged PEBBLES for screwing DR DEATH, without
mentioning the term "virgin".
FOP's "funniest charge of all time" was about BAR LICKER
wearing the SILIC Bulldogs T Shirt to bed. HALF A BAR
claimed that there was "no f*ckin' romance" in the cot that 
night, 'cos "I'm not f*ckin' having sex with f*ckin' SILIC
watchin' ". SILIC had a drink at the same time.
NORMAL charged DRIBBLES for coming back to Ballarat's
cold weather after living in Queensland.
HALF A BAR  said Katrina wasn't right in the head, for 
coming to Hash thinking she'd get a f*ckin' root from a 
good looking bloke.

Next week's run - North Brittain (isn't that where SPENCER
HOCKING & ROAD RUNNER went for the run tonight?).

How did we miss 1836 & the birth of Thomas Crapper of 
Water Closet fame?