Tuesday, September 24, 2019

23 - 9 - '19                        Run 1950                      G C's

Doctor, come back, it's only a game. 2020 is another year for 
the Pies - maybe even be a 'hat trick'.
Hash 35 for the SPARTACUS Run. HEAD HUNTER did a 
sterling job to quieten the crowd at the start, but not too many
cared.
FASCINATOR congratulated supporters of GWS, East/Point &
then Redan for their Back to Back flags. It was Brownlow Night 
so quite a few colours about.
SPARTACUS told us about a most intricate run, marked on the 
left in chalk, no on-backs marked & a Drink-stop.
Half a doz. Bar Flys kept the fires at home burning, there were 
about a doz. Walkers, & the rest, Super Athletes arriving 
together at the Carlton Draught Drink-stop in the garage at 
Buxtons. Intricate indeed was the run - west along Sturt (on the
south side) to Pleasant, then East along Sturt (on the north side)
to Buxtons.
At the Circle, FASCINATOR welcomed back DIMWIT, DONUTS
& Dr DEATH, & as all Dr's drink .......... Sharon & QUICKDICK.
NUTCRACKER had been "held up" (aka Lost) at the Halt.
                           (You're stupid ......... ),
FASCINATOR called for the "poor Collingwood wankers" & out 
came PEBBLES.
NUTCRACKER & Dr DEATH were out again for summ'et .... & as
all Dr's drink ..... QUICKDICK & Sharon.
Screw SHAFTED began by complaining that we'd left before he 
arrived, 'but we always do!!' He said that it was the Brains Trust 
left at the fireside - HALF A BAR, GLIDER, Dr DEATH
SPARTACUS. He likened the mateship of SPARTACUS
PUSBUCKET to Ray Charles & Mick Jagger, then launched into 
his version of Georgia/Angie.
            "Snags only rides a bike, but he's the one I like,
          Georgie, thank f*ck you don't drink so you can drive".
                               (Shitty Trail ......... ),
Sniffycunt Runs for BITCHFACE 69.
                          (Put your left leg in ........),
Charge for the Tigers' Supporters, BIG DOG & REAR ENTRY ....
.............. you'll do PRECIOUS.
         From the song sheet, "Oh we're from Liquorland ....."
3AW Morrisons Stolen Hay Correspondent Tommy HALF A BAR
was interviewed for quite a while & didn't say fuck once.
Sergeant MOUNTIE (minus fancy dress) had those out with the
1950 Birth Year ... DUMBER, NORMAL & DONUTS.
                  (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ......... ),
In Absentia Birthday drinks were next PHUCKWIT taken by 
( PUSBUCKET), GILF (TEFLON) & CLEAVerAGE (LOIS LANE).
Lefties MRS DICKHEAD, PUSBUCKET & SPARTACUS had the 
'waddaweewant' charge.
                   (Ya don't get me I'm part of the Union ..... ),
Another 'Pies' charge went to PEBBLES, NUTCRACKER &
THE BILL.
                             (U.G.L.Y........... you're ugly),
FASCINATOR had Dr Shazza out the front ....... & all Dr's,
Dr DEATH & QUICKDICK.
                              (No, no, bad, bad .......... ),
LOIS LANE charged PAULINE & SHAFTED for the car being
'rifled', then Dr DEATH charged BITCHFACE for wanting to do 
laps of the City Oval, but she was too pissed.
DIMWIT got a postcard addressed to:       DIMWIT,
                                                                   Ballarat, 
                                                                   Australia.
                              (Why was he born so ........ ),
MRS D charged HEAD HUNTER, D&C & QUICKDICK for 
showing off (tits) in the new green "Survivor" T's, then DUMBER
got the "Mustang on the Wire" charge. 
                            (They're all right ........... ),
THE BILL had PEBBLES & DIMWIT out for their photos on the 
Seniors Mag, & then NORMAL to HEAD HUNTER for what 
QUICKDICK does behind closed doors.
                            (Give us an A ........... ),
PAULINE charged NUMMY for 'backing back' at the lights, then
PEBBLES to NUTCRACKER for waiting at the HEAVY's Shop
"Circle with nothing in it". DONUTS had DIMWIT out for saying,
"Never give a woman an inch", then MRS D a shout for No1 Son
PRECIOUS, who couldn't unlock Mum's phone.
                             (Oughta be ............. ),
BITCHFACE gave MOUNTIE a drink for destroying NUMMY's
brand new shirt, with red wine, then PEBBLES took a charge for
(years ago) being a great follower on the field.
DIMWIT's zinger, "What noise does a nut make when it  sneezes?" 
             ........... "A Chew!!".
Next week's Run - 1951 - BAD HEAD JOB
                                         On On, The Stag Pub,
                                         Learmonth.        Bring a Bra.

                        

Tuesday, September 17, 2019

16 - 9 - '19     Run 1949     Irish Murphy's

The Dr's done it again - off on another sabbatical - this time, 
allegedly up North, for a Welcome to Country & to pay respects
to the Emerging.
The Grand Master had been in a spin, with the Buninyong Run
being cancelled, until the stand-in Hares stepped up - FOP &
Her Vag, for the run around the fabulous East. He'd posted a
16:49 step-off, but no-one was there that early, & we got away
by 18:49 !! Dimwit had off loaded the horn earlier into a bin by 
Buxton's, for collection by others.
First, a welcome to new runner Dr Sharon, then FOP told us
about the 'live hare' since trail had been washed out, it's about
5.5 km & there's a Wet Check.
After a HH (Heavy Halt) by his old res in Nicholson St., the Wet
Check of port, water & lollies turned out to be at Pop Fop's place.
Trail continued on FOP's old school route (Brother who?) to 
St Alipius, then on to the Drink-stop & Down Downs at the Good
Guy's undercover park.
At the Circle, a welcome drink for Dr Shazza, & as all Dr's drink,
you too Quickdick
                        (Why were they born so ........... ).
Welcome back to Glider, Exit, Nutbushclittylicker, Mountie,
Pusbucket & Pebbles.
Glider presented his "handy worked" goblets to Quickdick to 
mark his 100th run, & as all Dr's drink, you too Shazza.
                   (There's a game called 20 toes .........).
Sniffyc*nt runs - Lois Lane 888, FOP 388, D&C 161, & 
Shazza 1, & as all Dr's drink ..... Quickdick.
                    (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ........ ).
Birthday Boy FOP was next,
                     (Hashy Birthday f*ck you ...........).
Shafted was up for a Screw - would it be FOP or Her Vag ?
He said that it was a great run (but he wasn't on it!!). He 
presented Men's Health show bags to the combined Hares,
then proceeded with his re-hashed words to Jim Croce's
"Operator" for Fascinator.
                      (Shitty Trail ......... ).
Sergeant Mountie was back & had drinks for Bitchface,
Num Num, Pebbles, Fascinator, Her Vag & Glider -
1949 was the year the Irish f*cked the Poms off.
                   (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ...... ).
FOP (the nearly Dr) was next - the more Birthdays you 
have, the longer you live ...... & all Dr's drink Quickdick 
& Shazza.
Spencer Hocking had Quickdick out for 100 being the
digit sum of 1 & so is Shazza's No 1 ...... all Dr's.
Just then, the look-alike of Shafted's red truck, minus trailer
did a circuit, to a rousing rendition of "F*ck off ya c*nt, f*ck off".
Quickdick was out again for his role in the biodigester, & as
all Dr's drink ....... Shazza.
1949 was a good year - birth of Exit & Half a Bar.
                      (This is your down down song ........ ).
Nutcracker's shout for the Mates - D&C & NBCL for D&C's
jocks being on the clothesline.
                      (The wiggle of her arse ....... ).
A group hug to the closed circle finished the Down Downs,
& back for a Guiness & food.

Next week's run - No 1950, Hare Spartacus, On on GC's. 

Friday, September 13, 2019

Shit Hot Curry of the Year
Run 1948 Hare Bent Nose, from his place. 9.9.19
Run 1948, in commemoration of the Indian Independence from Britain, had Bent promise the shit hot run of the year. The run was perfunctory, essentially straight lines south and then north, largely in lane ways (no shit carts seen, and Rear Entry also sadly absent). It must also be pointed out that India actually gained independence in 1947, so the run was both perfunctory and pointless. Not the shit hot run he was hoping for.....
The pack set off at 1847 hrs, initially like sheep up the footpath without any trail, until the hare on his bicycle set them straight. Shafted appeared as the pack exited the driveway, and joined in without further ado. A healthy pack of walkers did their loop, while the unhealthy barfly drove his new car slowly to the drinkstop at Boot Rooter's garage. There it was warm, with heating and tables to rest drinks and nibbles on (note to Bent).
Once settled back in to the cold and bare shed, Fascinator welcomed both Dimwit AND the horn. (fuck off, ya c*nt)
Shafted, rubbing against the grain, attended with a smaller horn which he blew incessantly and melodically.
Welcomes back also to Nummy, Mrs D, Normal, and Fucken Squizzy. Fascinator then christened "a fucking awesome run", and called Donuts out the front with the news of his new grandson, exciting all the women in the shed. SS, also, had a charge for his grandfatherly news of the last 7 days. (20 toes)
A Screw with a tail, began "has everyone got the text I sent?".
"Beautiful" was said a number of times, in reference to the run, the timing of the start, all the mining stuff, and the precisely engineered trail.
A book, "The Brothers Bent" was produced to much acclaim. It appears judgemental behaviour is inherited. Somewhere in the banter (after he was labelled by Shafted as Mr Ray Candle), Bent was heard to say "I'll never be a fat cunt." Right again Ray, you're not fat.
S H I T T Y TR A I L
Shit, I've forgotten to organise a Sergeant.

Spencer Hocking stepped up manfully.
Quick Dick 99, Head Hunter presented with a very tough, unbroken goblet. (Oh, the wiggle of her arse... )
BP was accused by Lois of using the family heirloom tablecloth as a bike cleaning rag (Shame, shame). A family down down resulted.
Dimwit was charged for being a referee for George Pell, and tried a zinger about his illness (girl flu). Donuts was labelled as PILF for the night.
Nutcracker had a drink for being the mother of a premiership winning player, and the partner of a losing coach. Dr Death was charged in absentia for Mad Monday, and as one Dr drinks, both of the others drinked.
SS was heard to say it was minus three degrees this morning. Shafted commented that that was almost an erection.
A few references were made re the plethora of bikes in the shed, missing of course the one Fang stole 25 years ago.
Fascinator then had 20 minutes of house keeping, announcing every run for the next 3 months. Next week, Crown Hotel Buninyong, then, somewhere that begins with L, and a pink tie night in the middle of October.
We all had a moment's reflection on the untimely passing of Danny Frawley, then adjourned to the Aroma of India for the shit hot curry of the year. Most were quite content.

Wednesday, September 4, 2019

Run 1947, Hare Rowdy, from his place in Victoria Avenue.

The scribe was too busy drinking Collingwood beer from Collingwood beer cans to take any notes last night. But it can be reported that Sillic was definitely concussed from his glassing incident the week before. Not because of his nonsensical conversation, but due to the fact that he actually took a Collingwood beer can from the drink stop. Complained about the packaging, but drank the bloody thing. We will see what next week brings.
The hare wandered back from placing the drink stop at 1810 hrs to find the Bill already set up in the back yard. Others managed to wander down the wrong driveway, but by 1845 the Grand Master gained the attention of the pack. 14 runners set off, with a larger contingent of walkers, who took a short cut to the Old Cemetery gates then followed trail through the tombstones, past the Eureka Diggers memorial, across Burnbank to the lake, then off to the drinkstop at the Drummond St Nth playground. Runners followed a longer trail, in fairly persistent drizzle, and Shafted followed his own nose but, Snag-like, ended up at the drink stop in time for refreshments.
Fascinator took charge, determined to not forget a single thing, and was doing well until he tried to improvise a song. Bent Nose quickly reminded him of the error of his ways.
Screw Shafted took centre stage and showed all how it should be done. Channelling Benny Hill and Ernie the Milkman:
"Now Rowdy liked a house wife, lets call her Mrs X,
Who its fair to say had bags for play and was very fond of sex
They say she was too much for him, she was horny, proud and cheek
But Rowdy took her temperature....three times every week!"
And so it continued. Very funny. S H I T T Y T R A I L

Palindromic Runs, Exit 101, Bitch Face 67 (just two short of 69, Fascinator is practising his technique already), Teflon 569. Spence sergeanted in his usual manner, keeping the circle amused and under control. Glider produced a copy of the weekend Australian for his usual Zinger for Bad Hair Day, and on and on it went.
The meal was well attended and lubricated at the top Eureka, with SS very happy to announce as it happened the birth of a much anticipated grandchild. Well done to all.
Next weeks run is from Bent and BP's place in Pleasant St Sth, on after Aroma of India, Sturt St., opposite G C's.