Monday, August 14, 2017

14 - 8 -'17     Run 1837       North Britain

ROAD RUNNER's run, that he described as magnificent with 
a few on-backs, & a good Drink Stop. The Hash 30 turned up -
10 bar flys, 8 walkers & the rest , super athletes, with the 
Crowny Drink Stop under the usual shop veranda.
At the circle, FOP welcomed back NUM & DUMB, CANDIDA,
ROAD RUNNER, ROWDY, CHRIS CROS & FASCINATOR.
Time for the Screw, & FASCINATOR thinks ROAD RUNNER
is tighter than a Scottish Lass. They left the Britain with great
optimism, only to realize the Hare had REAR ENTRY-ed the 
run, being stingy with the chalk. The Fascination Level only
reached 4.9, & that received the "You're stupid .... wasn't for 
your Mother" chant.
Sergeant SPENCE's 1st charge was the "not all about you" 
for PEBBLES & his 434 run.
NUM & DUMB had a drink for returning from The Cape (& with
the Cooktown Hash shirt), and NORMAL & MASTABAIT for 
going to The Cape. MASTABAIT had his gear stolen last week,
& this week it's NORMAL's dilemma, with the 'smashed $600
tail-light from the security door' debacle.
FOP charged REAR ENTRY for not wanting a ticket to the 
game at Geelong, 'in case the Tigers might lose', & DIMWIT 
had a charge for PEBBLES, talking about black vulvas  
(volvos) at Hash.
BENT NOSE charged the recently returned ROWDY for 
taking a month to walk across North Britain, & as BENT 
demonstrated, it only takes 5 seconds to stride across the
paving at (the) North Britain, & as all Doctors drink together,
enter DR DEATH.
GLIDER charged CANDIDA for the 'School Marm effect' -
reigning in ROAD RUNNER's use of the chalk.
DUMBER had a charge for the 2 Nash Hash Reps, SPENCER
HOCKING & SPARTACUS, for his having to drive 9,000 K's
to retrieve the glasses.
ROWDY gave DIMWIT 2 drinks, for saying hello to HEAVY
at SHAFTED's office, & then telling the 'piano down the 
mineshaft .... A flat miner' gag.  Your stupid, your stupid.. etc.
DIMWIT retaliated, charging ROWDY for 'never trust a Dr',
especially as ROWDY was leading on the run, & as all 
Doctors ....... have another drink DR DEATH
BENT NOSE had some charge (?) for DIMWIT, then all 
Magpie supporters drank together, PEBBLES, DR DEATH
SHAFTED. Where were CHRIS CROS & ROWDY?
ROWDY charged JITTERBUG & CANDIDA for the 'Clitterbug
known as candida'.

Next weeks run - 1838 - HALF A BAR at the Buninyong Pub.
Just wait for a FOP email at about 6:30 on Monday.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

7 - 8 -'17        Run 1836      City Oval Pub

DR DEATH was the (virgin) hare for, as the GM said, "an
intimate quorum", & I'm sure it's some time since the good 
Dr was a virgin as well. He said how the run was about 6km, 
would go past some stately homes & along laneways.
9 bar flys were left to quench thirsts, while 7 or 8 walkers
& 5 (only) super athletes took to the track. Seems there was 
no way of BENT NOSE being a starter, having already had 
his last night as stand in scribe - oh well, just have to unpick 
his name from the jacket, & then bat on.
The Drink Stop & Circle were at the Ballarat Football Club
social rooms, where JITTERBUG wanted to know if 
DR DEATH came in the back door - REAR ENTRY.
HALF A BAR looked like he'd been "mulesed" on the ear,
& BAR LICKER assured us that it wasn't by her.
At the circle, GM FOP welcomed back BAR LICKER
HARD ON, DRIBBLES & BHD.
Stand in Screw PEBBLES, thought it was a good run, up & 
down laneways, he was reminded 4 blocks early about
the position of the Drink Stop, & it deserved a Bronze Award.
In HEAD HUNTER's absence, enough remembered the words
to "Shitty Trail".
NORMAL was Stand in Sergeant (where the hell is this 
Committee Grand Master??), & called out FOP for something
about "where had he been for the last 25 years?"
MASTABAIT had a drink (donated by Old Mate NORMAL) for
having the camping gear knocked off, from the roof of his car,
post-poning the Cape York trip.
GLIDER gave D&C the Betty Cuthbert drink, but of course,
that became NORMAL's, then DIMWIT was summoned for a
gag, & recited the "Ur a pee en" line.
Katrina, D&C, PEBBLES, THE BILL & DIMWIT drank together
as the running team. Was Katrina "pulling up" or "pulling off"
when D&C fell flat & where was the happy ending?
SS charged PEBBLES for screwing DR DEATH, without
mentioning the term "virgin".
FOP's "funniest charge of all time" was about BAR LICKER
wearing the SILIC Bulldogs T Shirt to bed. HALF A BAR
claimed that there was "no f*ckin' romance" in the cot that 
night, 'cos "I'm not f*ckin' having sex with f*ckin' SILIC
watchin' ". SILIC had a drink at the same time.
NORMAL charged DRIBBLES for coming back to Ballarat's
cold weather after living in Queensland.
HALF A BAR  said Katrina wasn't right in the head, for 
coming to Hash thinking she'd get a f*ckin' root from a 
good looking bloke.

Next week's run - North Brittain (isn't that where SPENCER
HOCKING & ROAD RUNNER went for the run tonight?).

How did we miss 1836 & the birth of Thomas Crapper of 
Water Closet fame?



Monday, July 10, 2017

10 - 7 -'17     Run 1832     Grapes Pub

MASTABAIT & NORMAL, the combined Hares' Run from
the newly reno'd Grapes. FOP welcomed new runner
Katrina, as he said, " D&C made Katrina cum tonight".
NORMAL said it was a short run, marked left, right &
everywhere, while PUSBUCKET mentioned "it must be
like MOUNTIE - short & very tight". Things you hear on 
the run - PLUCKA's pussy. She didn't follow an AFL team
until she went to some bash, & the attendees found out.
They decked her out in the gear, & now she's a Geelong
Fan.
2 drink-stops - the 1st for "Dickens Cider", & after a run 
round the hills, back to the 2nd, on the opposite corner
for a welcome Crowny. Was good of the Hares to order 
in the generator & flood lights for us behind Da Uday.
At the circle, FOP welcomed Katrina again, with D&C,
& of course NORMAL was there to take her drink.
Welcomes back (even if you've only missed 1 week),
to GILF, CHRIS CROS, DONUTS, BP, DR DEATH,
FASCINATOR & local bar-fly Wendell Sailor, no, not 
the rugby player.
REAR ENTRY succumed to MOUNTIE's "Knock knock
....... Owen the Saints" charge, & then the all in chorus.
FASCINATOR took to the floor & said about the
"fabulous" run, tho' he wasn't on it, then told a "lead
fart gag" - think he might have been "fascinated" by
having another Courier photo in - this time at the 
burned out playground. He gave the run a 6.6 
(should've been an 8.6), then the Hares drank together
to another 'lead fart', ...... Ought to be publicly....!!
SPENCER HOCKING had HEAD JOB & CRUTCHLESS
out the front for the statement " You can't pick up 
lollies (at the drink-stop) or masturbate with gloves on".
CRUTCHLESS couldn't demonstrate 'cos she had no
gloves on, & as all masturbators drink together .....
out the front MASTERBAIT, D&C, THE BILL, SHAFTED
& Wendell Sailor.
BENT NOSE charged D&C for having to get both THE BILL
& NORMAL as stand-in drinkers.
ROWDY had a send off drink for his Coast to Coast in 4 
weeks, in the UK (& which route/root was he taking), but
FOP reckoned he was only getting away from the football,
& as all Pies supporters drink together .... enter CHRIS 
CROSS - you missed out PEBBLES.
The Hares had charges for each other - MASTABAIT for
saying about the whale photos he took (wasn't he in 
the Territory?), & NORMAL for wanting to give the 
City Council man his address, as he sprayed the first
paint on the road, for the run.
FASCINATOR had a drink for having no Hash Gear & 
sitting down at the circle, then step-daughter CRUTCHLESS
for being 'stuffed' (not by SHAFTED), but for shovelling his
dirt all day long.
DIMWIT had a drink to commemorate the 1st man (Juri) into
outer space. 
SPENCE displayed the re-imbursment cheque from the Gold
Nash Hash, that's going to be donated.

Next week's run - PRECIOUS' 18th Birthday Run from
The Market Pub.

Scribe over & out for the next 3.


Tuesday, July 4, 2017

3 - 7 -'17       Run 1831        Miner's Tavern

The newly 70 REAR ENTRY provided run & venue for what must
have been his 925th run - well it was his 890th last week!!
FOP welcomed the crew from Lakeside - CLING ON, ADD ON,
SPREAD ON, & James (with the specs).
REARY told us that the run was fantastic at 11am, but probably
washed out by now, & On On is out the front, remarkably.
Bar-fly count was up, with 11 deciding to keep warm, quenching
thirsts, & within quick access of the well stocked (this time)
Drink Stop. DR DEATH was looking more like 'Billy Butterfly'
(apologies if you're not local) in his boots & full length overcoat.
Said Drink Stop was in the usual spot, down stairs, after a run
that I believe went clockwise this time, with a George Pell theme,
that REARY is so passionate about, to the point of donating
quite a sum toward the "appeal".
Welcomes back to GILF, HALF A BAR, SPARTACUS, PRECIOUS,
THE BILL, & REAR ENTRY (fresh from the 'gout getting' Apollo
Bay 70th Birthday piss-up week).
MOUNTIE was next for her (& other's) input into last week's
Mystery Bus night, then SHAFTED for being pissed by the time
we were collected by Bus No2.
Stand-in Screw PEBBLES (was FASCINATOR at the bloody soup
bus again?) called out PRECIOUS for being delegated hare, 
then found no trail left after the deluge. It was a good run, & he
invited everyone to donate to Georgie's cause. No running out
of grog this time & a "stand-in" score of 60/100 .... enter 
HEAD HUNTER & the S.h.i.t.t.y trail song.
Sergeant SPENCE's 1st charge was for REAR ENTRY for not
knowing that CRUTCHLESS was the Grog Master.
Sniffyc*nt runs to CRUTCHLESS 17 & PUSBUCKET 1017.
James (with glasses) for being "closest to the pin" in the 
"Where's Wally Comp", then for being a starter in the 
"workboots at Hash" challenge...... "New boots, new boots",
then came "Your stupid, your stupid .... etc".
It was James' big night - next he was on his knees for the
christening & MOUNTIE's "enjoy the sex & running....",
....... arise WHERE'S WALLY.
FOP charged MOUNTIE for bringing all the girls along to the
bus trip & thinking "the clothes would be off", but 
miraculously FOP was "contained" in his sexy black jockstrap.
GLIDER gave MOUNTIE a drink for the Canadian Mounted 
Police, (The Mounties), & Canada's 150 years since 
confederation July 1st 1887, then there was HEAD HUNTER &
QUICKDICK for something (?) about the new hijab at Hash.
CLING ON & WHERE'S WALLY had to explain why they'd 
brought kids to the largest pedo town, Ballarat.
DR ROWDY presented DR DEATH with the "penis stethoscope"
that had been used (many times !!), then both had a drink,
because all DR's drink together.
HER VAG had a charge for FOP & PRECIOUS for going/not going 
on the run ........ & when 1 Kelly drinks, all Kelly's drink.
REAR ENTRY had a 70th Birthday drink, then of course, 
all 70's drink together ...... step up SS, THE BILL & MASTABAIT.
PEBBLES charged ROWDY for his comment at the intersection,
"we'll probably turn left or right", then old bloke FANG had a 
drink for sitting down during the circle ..... "Him... f**k him ..."
As trail was washed away, MOUNTIE took on the live hare 
status saying, "Dack me if you can catch me", then 
BAD HEAD JOB charged for the bad look photo with 
JITTERBUG on Faceache, when "others" didn't see that it was
only an "errant braces adjustment" - even tho' JITTERBUG's
fit-bit said " keep it going !!"
Last charge for CLING ON & his advert for Lakeside's AGPU.
REAR ENTRY reminded us that the advantage of having an 
"Office" run, was that Old Mate Simon donated the Down Downs.

Next week's run - MASTURBAITING NORMAL at 
The Grapes Pub, Grant St.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

26 - 6 -'17     Run 1830      Mystery Bus

Tic Tic & the clock well & truly rolls past the 6pm Sharp ETD,
while the 40 or so on the bus have an extra drink waiting for 
the arrival of the 'late' FANG. We eventually headed off West,
obviously with no thought for the "fabulous East", except for
PUSBUCKET saying we could be headed for East Adelaide.
I looked round to see DR DEATH's legs hanging out of his 
dress - "put your legs down Goyny, it's getting draughty", 
just as he took to the floor with his '6 Moose' gag.
Along the way we found out that "who makes MOUNTIE cum?"-
PUSBUCKET of course, but "who makes PUSBUCKET cum?" -
goes without saying - SPARTACUS.
We had a little stop (to put us off the scent), outside of the 
darkened Lexton Pub, then continued on to the Golf Club for
the cheese, dips & bickies.
HEAD HUNTER called reverance for the Circle, with some 
comment about 'kiss my arse' - & they all wanted to line up.
BENT NOSE had a charge for PEBBLES, that "he's been to
Lexton" (or something ?), then for Big Events' MOUNTIE
Jane from Lexton, for organising a great night .... " in your
hand Mrs Murphy ..... "
Welcomes back to INSATIABLE, FERGIE, JITTERBUG, BP,
CLEAV(er)AGE, & DONUTS, to the tune of "here's to
the returners". 
New runners had a drink - Michelle, PYRO, PRAWN STAR,
DOUBLE ADAPTOR, Cecilia ( CRUTCHLESS made her cum),
& Rochelle ( HER VAGESTY made her cum) ..... "We've got
virgins on the run".
Sergeant SPENCER HOCKING had a charge for LOIS LANE
about some sign (?) - she drank to the "You're stupid, you're
stupid" song, then Big Events' MOUNTIE for the 2nd year
milestone of HEAVY's demise .... "You've got a big thing",
& last week, LADY TRAMP could have had a PEBBLES
big thing. SPENCE went on to charge DIMWIT for no reason
at all, but could be to drink out of his new wig, new dress or
whatever. NUM NUM & DUMB DUMB had a going away drink
to celebrate the trip to FNQ, bringing back the Hash 
memorabilia, but when NUMMY couldn't drink out of the hat,
DUMBY upended it over his girly wig.
MOUNTIE made PRAWN STAR cum tonight, who made PYRO
cum as well, then NORMAL (had to!!) step up to take a drink
on behalf of the 2 waitresses. 
HER VAG took over the Pobjoy microphone, to compere the
the "Fashion Parade" that was much like your Football Club
dress up. The "girls" all paraded/shimmied  toward the 
3 Lexton Judges, then a shortlist of 5 to decide the winner.
That's when DR DEATH tried to gain a lead, by displaying
both nipples (amongst a grey hairy chest), while SHAFTED
spun round on the floor like a "blowfly on it's last". DIMWIT
took out the title, and he & PEBBLES (for some reason?)
drank together. 
The main event saw the "boys" parading, & after the 
shortlist, PYRO came out the Clubhouse Leader, & she 
was up for a drink with the 3 Lexton Judges. Her & DIMWIT
then had the "Winner's Drink" ..... because all winners 
drink together, just to "consummate" the event.
It seems that JITTERBUG's fit-bit registered a fair amount
of 'extra activity' there for about 15 minutes, at one point.
We ate, drank, be'ed merry & danced all night to the 
excellent entertainment of Andy Pobjoy, & all the credit
to MOUNTIE & the team for a great night.
A fairly quiet trip home by usual standards, where (I think)
FOP actually kept his pants on!!

Next week's run, REAR ENTRY (reckon he'd be up to about
900 by now !!), from 'The Office', Miner's Tavern.



Tuesday, June 20, 2017

19 - 6 -'17      Run 1829     10 Sweeney St

Virgin Hare CRUTCHLESS' chance to star at the Run Set, as 
FOP welcomed LADY TRAMP, FASCINATOR's bro' Dr Nick &
welcome back to SHAFTED's bro' Gary.
CRUTCHLESS told us the run was over 5km, & that the 
drink-stop is "not here, but somewhere else". About 27 
rolled up - 18 "athletes" & 9 walkers. The run was set in pink
& white chalk, & flour in dobs. SS had donated a Hash T Shirt
to Juri, but after Juri peeled up a couple of layers & displayed
a Hash Shirt beneath, FOP quickly retrieved the donation, but 
then the Indian Giver quickly returned same.
On the run, FASCINATOR gave the step-daughter a few 
pointers, saying "don't tell the bastards anything", so we 
battled on thru' some of the unusual marks, being the opposite
direction, L shape & the word printed on the road, AFTER X..??
SHAFTED remarked, that "having bro' Gary on the run, he 
didn't want to lose any more brothers", & that's why 
BAD HEAD JOB was too scared to set another one !! 
The Drink-stop was at the Park on Nicholson St, & so , 
a short walk up the hill to the "Circle".
FOP dealt out the welcome drinks to LADY TRAMP & bro's
Gary & Dr Nick, & as you know, all Dr's drink together ..........
front & centre DR ROWDY. Welcome's back also to the 
intrepid WA & NT travellers, MASTABAIT, SPENCER HOCKING
& SHAFFY
FASCINATOR rose to screw CRUTCHLESS' Virgin Run, saying
that it was very successful, confusing the old farts with marks
going every which way. He said how NUMMY on the run, had
missed her chance of some mattress action - 3 or 4 of them
stacked in the dumpster. He gave the run the FASCINATion
level of 7.9, & then we heard again the S.h.i.t.t.y trail - a few 
more choristers joining the chant each week. 
Sergeant SPENCE gave his first charge to the "kickee's out" 
or the "kickee out's" of the MCG Corporate Box, HALF A BAR
& DUMB & DUMBER, & as all Melbourne Supporter's drink
together, out you come SS.
QUICK DICK & DUMBER had a drink for their fronting up to the 
women's PMT Hash, & getting in some practise for the 
Black Tie Night cross-dress.
SS & Juri had a drink for Hash Gear, then a rebound for 
SPENCE after charging FANG for no gear, when FANG had 
some on beneath all the time.
QUICK DICK had heard that MASTABAIT took his Teddy Bear
PJ's on the trip, to wear in the swag, & when the weather heated
up, he'd cut the legs short, but MASTABAIT took a 2nd, this 
time from NORMAL, when he said that BAIT doesn't wear PJ's
when they're together. 
NORMAL charged HALF A BAR for the day he invited NORMAL
& Jill out to cut some firewood, & not once did he take the 
chain-saw out of Jill's hand.
HALF A BAR & Juri drank up for wearing work wear - 
HALF A BAR for PIMP's horse logos, & Juri for St Pat's (Father
Who this time ??).
GLIDER charged SPENCE for his 'Phone a Friend' appearance
on Millionaire, then Juri had another one for not knowing how to
"Give Us An A".
PEBBLES thought it was piss weak of SHAFFY, that the bro's 
weren't aware of Hash Gear .... give 'em a drink anyway !!
ROWDY charged SHAFFY & bro Gary, for having another bro 
that had his 'person' out most at /or after Hash.
Another one for LOIS LANE. MOUNTIE charged LADY TRAMP 
after she had sat on a swing saying, "I haven't been a swinger
for years", then Juri (again) for his lame attempt at comedy
with the Doctor gag & his punchline "Reptile Dysfunction".
That prompted a new Christening ..... front & centre Juri ......
enjoy the sex & running, ..... arise.....  DIM WIT.
CRUTCHLESS, SPENCE & DIM WIT were next charges for
wrong spelling on Logos.
Big Events 'person' MOUNTIE announced proceedings about
next week's Mystery Bus & the cross-dressing there-of, & then
HEAD HUNTER & QUICK DICK took a drink, after she 
announced that, "after seeing him with all that make-up on,
I'll never sleep (?) with him again".

Next week, Mystery Bus Trip  - City Oval Pub.

Oh, & 1829 ? - should be a drink for HEAD HUNTER
QUICK DICK for Norway's "Battle of the Square" that became
the beginning of their National Day.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

12 - 6 -'17     Run 1828      12 Devon St.,

MOUNTIE's Republican Run from home - venue especially
chosen to celebrate Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth's birthday.
We made the quorom of 14, added to by 1, by the 'late'
FASCINATOR
6 super athletes headed off from the North West, toward 
the 'fabulous East', but remained in the North, not going
any closer than Doveton St. A small detour (at the direction
of HEAD HUNTER), was to check on the supposedly sick
QUICK DICK at home, but it seemed that he was only
watching the replay. The run was obviously set by an 
athlete, with a glaring lack of Halts - they always help the 
palpitations of us Older Farts. Back at Devon Street for the 
Drink-Stop, we entered via the 'rear entry' - where was he
tonight, at the Office again ??).
At the circle, FOP announced the Republican Run, set by 
Ballarat's Biggest (little) Republican MOUNTIE, to celebrate
the Queen's Birthday on April 21st.
Sniffyc*nt Runs - FASCINATOR 50, & HER VAGESTY 69,
woo hoo!! & that got HEAD HUNTER's song, 
"The boys went down down ......."
Screw, FASCINATOR, was there for the 2nd week in 
succession, & was talking about a 'contro - versy' or should
that be 'controv - ersy?' He's given away the idea of the 
'screw epistle' on the mobile phone - he said "only did
that once", & although he didn't run, he'd heard that it was 
very good, & gave it a 7.1 score, then came the "S.h.i.t.t.y
T.r.a.i.l" song - is your songbook on the Internet 
HEAD HUNTER?
Stand in, Stand in, Stand in, Stand in Sergeant NORMAL's
1st charge was for "Captain Pneumonia" himself, 
SPARTACUS - 1st time he's been seen in long pants, let
alone at Hash. NORMAL then wanted to know just how good
MOUNTIE really was, having all the trophies about the place, 
but of course, it's only the tip of the iceberg. He went on to 
charge HEAD HUNTER for getting 'permanent residency' -
"How the f*ck did we let that happen?" 
FANG had a drink for not wearing Hash Gear & got the
'Not Not Not, Bad Bad Bad, Down Down song.
HER VAG and D&C wore their tightest leather tights, & 
at least VAG was able to drink, but of course, NORMAL had
to drink for D&C
MOUNTIE charged HEAD HUNTER for having to go & knock
up QUICK DICK on the run, then THE BILL reminded 
MOUNTIE of the 666 run from years back, running through 
the Cemetery, & the body, the coffin etc.
MOUNTIE had HEAD HUNTER drink up, for starting to sound
like PLUCKA (?), then MOUNTIE darted off to the kitchen,
to rescue 'the veg food' from the oven.
FANG was charged for the time years ago, when he was cut 
short, had nowhere to go, & had to take a dump on the front 
lawn of the venue, then MOUNTIE charged PUSBUCKET for
peeing over the verandah, but of the wrong house.
DUMBER's bar heaters went out again, & we thought, 
"where's f**kin' Tommy f**kin' HALF A BAR to get the f**kin'
things goin' again" like last week, but it was only THE BILL
standing on the plug. Anyway, at the time, according to the
texts & photos, HALF A BAR was busy being thrown out of 
the Corporate Box at the MCG, with DR DEATH & DUMBER.
BHD had a 2nd freebie for The Courier photo about the 
Avenue tree planting, & bloody HEAD HUNTER made the
song up for that one !!
NORMAL charged himself & proceeded to go through his
Marathon history ( blah, blah, are we there yet??), & told us,
that after 1 of the runs (tell us again NORMAL - how many?),
he'd tipped a couple of stubbies in quickly, only to start 
throwing up in the garden, outside of a restaurant window.
Trouble was, people were "fain daining" just inside the
'gold fish bowl'.
Last charge was for HEAD HUNTER by FANG. "Did you see
how long she took to push the stubby holder onto that can?"
"How long would she take with a condom?"

Next week's run - FASCINATOR ( or CRUTCHLESS).
To be informed.

Thumbs up to MOUNTIE for the great Chilli Con Carne,
the Meatballs & the Carrot Cake, & let's not forget the
'pot stirrer & heater up' there-of, PUSBUCKET.
Inside, sitting at the table, there's evidence on the wall of the 
'Worship of the East'. A large wall hanging emblazened with
the words, Warrenheip, Dunnstown, Bungaree & Parwan, but
where is Llandeilo, Bradshaw & Cocksbill Siding? O.S maybe?

Monday, June 5, 2017

5 - 6 -'17    Run 1827   103 Cuthbert's Rd.

NUM NUM's run with Co-Hare DUMB & DUMBER in tow, & 
the Hash 25. The kitchen floor needed some treatment from
the Victa, with all the grass transported in underfoot.
15 Super Athletes, 1/2 Doz Walkers & a couple of Bar Flys
(that went nowhere).
The Co-Hare mentioned the trail is marked "mainly on the
footpath except where it isn't", & eluded to a short 'cross
of trail' - he's done 1000+ runs this guy & set how many ??
It was a fairly short run, around 4km, that finished with the
drink-stop at the On After.
At the circle, FOP had welcomes back for the 'short term
Northern Territorian' SILIC, then FANG, PIMP, LOIS LANE,
REAR ENTRY, loose screw FASCINATOR, & special mention
to GLIDER battling his treatment.
DUMBER's bar heaters went on the blink - enter "f**kin'
Tommy f**kin' HALF A BAR to f**kin' get the f**kin things
goin' again".
FASCINATOR said there was trouble when he reached
Buckinghuge Palace last month, after he'd announced
that he was there to screw HER VAGESTY.
Screwing NUMMY, he mentioned a good short run, back
in doors before the rain, but some confusing trail marked,
going both directions, & he had no idea about the 
(HHC)uthbert sign. He gave it a 6.45 score - marked down
because of the heater problem & only 1/2 the party lights
were on. When he Googled 'NUM NUM', he found a 
'lovely white flower that's found in Kenya, & is nice to eat'.
Stand-in, Stand-in, Stand-in Sergeant, PRECIOUS, began
with the sniffyc*nts of 1827 - the year of Beethoven's
death, so the muso's charge went to HEAD JOB
PEBBLES (Hash Horn) & 'all muso's drink together'.
The Right-Wing Nuts HALF A BAR & REAR ENTRY had
a drink to celebrate the unveiling of Tony Abbott's bust,
& the shiny head gave HEAD JOB another freeby.
GLIDER charged the 'Landline TV Celeb' HALF A BAR,
for getting thru' his segment without saying f**k once
on camera, then HALF A BAR had a 2nd when SILIC
charged him for the Production Crew needing at least
5 days to edit the tape.
ROWDY charged his No1 patient SILIC, for coming home
looking like shit, after a month spent in the Darwin sun.
DAZED & CONFUSED was dazed & confused, after 
finding out that DR DEATH could actually have a drink
at 8 am. 
Birthday drinks were had by DUMBER for his Aunt's
90th, D & C for Dad's 90th, & MOUNTIE for becoming
a Great Aunt.
PIMP took a drink, that should've been for CRUTCHLESS,
when she was asked, "Where does his name come from?"
LOIS LANE, living just round the corner, got lost, even tho'
she knew how to get back to the drink-stop.
DR DEATH charged DR ROWDY (for whatever !!), then
both had a drink, because 'all Doctors drink together'.
FASCINATOR charged PEBBLES & DUMBER for their
photo at Taco Bill's a month ago, eating tacos with 
knives & forks - he must have been on FaKebook
in the UK. 
FOP got in a plug for the Black Tie Mystery Bus in
3 weeks - said "maybe boys dress as girls & vice versa,
but if it was up to me it'd be pants off" - who would've
ever guessed that??
Big thanks to NUMMY for her kitchen endeavours - 
pasta, rice, bol, casserole, quiche, salad, and ice cream
& fruit salad.

Next week - Committee Run from MOUNTIE's place,
Devon St (especially there to celebrate Queen Elizabeth's
Birthday !!) - or will it revert to The Lakeview?


Tuesday, May 30, 2017

29 - 5 -'17   Run 1826  14 Platypus Dve

CHRIS CROS' run from home, with 23 fronting up - bit less 
than last week - was there a Breakaway meeting, attending 
the "Office?" INSATIABLE & FERGIE were there from Cat
Country, & said they hoped  to be back in a month.
After walks & runs, we all met at the Corona & Chips
Drink-stop by the Cricket Oval, then back for the circle 
& On After. 
HER VAGESTY was holding up the drinks court in the 
absence of CRUTCHLESS. INSATIABLE & FERGIE were 
welcomed with a drink, JITTERBUG for her Run No 16, 
& MOUNTIE for her athletic "endeavours", asking 
Sonia O'Sullivan for a photo (just push that button), 
& ending up with an autograph as well.
Stand-in, Stand-in Screw SHAFTED was up next, & 
reckoned it was a 'good' run, at the same time, a 'porno' 
run - HEAD HUNTER was in front of him all the way, making
it his 'wet dream' run. Local kids had chalk spread all over
the place, interrupting trail, & FERGIE reckoned he'd never
seen such long on-backs. SHAFTED gave the run a 
score-card of "Sex", then HEAD HUNTER gave them the 
Shitty Trail song.
They called it the Dick Dynasty, with all dicks drinking
together - 2 DICKS, QUICK DICK, & of course the other
dicks, DR DEATH & HALF A BAR.
Stand-in Sergeant BENT NOSE charged GM FOP for lack
of attendance by the "lower the bar" Committee.
THE BILL kept up the sniffyc*nts of 1826 by arriving late
(for him) at 18:26 pm. SHAFFY had a drink for his 
namesake & Composer, Stephen Foster's birth year
of 1826 - then came the chorus's (is that Chorii?) of
Camptown Races & Oh Suzanna etc.
MOUNTIE charged DR DEATH for his 'knee trembler' when
getting off his bike, then NUMMY for not telling everyone
early enough about "Filthy Brown's" win, (we saw the
replay at the drink-stop on DUMBER's dodgy phone, 
with the flat battery).
HALF A BAR had a drink for his recent 'TV Star' appearance
on Lateline. 
SS (with the extra slit !!), charged NORMAL for looking gay -
his new night vision torch that he uses to ward off the 
snipers, shows a pink light.
When D&C gets charged, NORMAL usually drinks for her,
but Juri has taken over, so now we have a 3'some, with drinks
going every which way.
SHAFFY complained that D&C was loosing interest, because
she wouldn't 'push back', when he was behind 
'pushing forward'. 
NORMAL charged HER VAG as she was the lone female
walking amongst the "Senior Gentleman' & didn't know
(or want to know) about 'Bonanza', 'The Rifleman', 'Steptoe
& Son' et al.
DUMBER charged 2 DICKS & CHRIS CROS for revisiting the
Horticultural Hash, bringing out the ornamental grapes
from the garden, then JITTERBUG charged DR DEATH for 
taking so long on his bike at the Ballarat Lodge building -
would've had time to seduce 2 women.
MOUNTIE charged FERGIE for being sprawled out on the 
car bonnet & really denting it - gonna' need a tow truck there.
Something about cat burglars THE BILL & FOP (anyone
remember?), then all dicks drank again, QUICKDICK, 2 DICKS,
HALF A BAR - where's DR DEATH this time?
SS charged BENTNOSE for stealing his thunder about our
new TV Star HALF A BAR, then reported on GLIDER being 
very unwell due to a serious reaction to his treatment.
Get well GLIDER.
For no other reason, an extra drink for INSATIABLE, as
HER VAG had one left. 
Well done 2 DICKS for the great Dinner treat - Silverside,
Potatoes in their jacket (sour cream & mustard), & Peas,
& plenty of it.

Next week at Cuthbert's, 103 (Their) Rd., On After - same.





Tuesday, May 23, 2017

22 - 5 -'17            Run 1825        3 Davey St

QUICK DICK & HEAD HUNTER's run from home, with the Hash 30'ish.
We headed off into the wind, with QUICK DICK in the pink Hare pants,
& both Hares with a handful of chalk each, live-setting as we went.
Turned out to be the Catholic run of the year - running thru' St John
of God, Aquinas Uni & back thru' Nazareth House, after a short stint
on the Lake. Cheeky bugger PRECIOUS reckoned we should get out
of Nazzy straight away, before they kept a few of us. A well stocked 
drink-stop by Officeworks, & then back for the Circle.
Welcome back to SS, now with the extra 'slit'. CRUTCHLESS couldn't
work out the reason behind SS's Hash name, so the most senior & 
most junior members drank together to HEAD HUNTER's chant of
"Old bastard & young slut". SPENCER HOCKING then presented the
appropriate Pirate Gear to SS, to go with the newly acquired 'slit',
being the eye patch, hat & sword, & he drank to the tune of 
"Him, him, fu*k him".
Stand-in Screw PEBBLES was next ( FASCINATOR flys in today),
& gave virgin hares (at Ballarat), QUICK DICK & HEAD HUNTER a 
'2 Silver Star' rating for an extremely well set run & drink-stop.
Sergeant SPENCE called out Juri for "what happens in new shoes",
& JITTERBUG for "what happens in new boots" - she had on the 
CFM Boots - & they both drank to the "Get back in the kitchen" charge.
FOP was charged for donating the contents of the tin last week, &
SHAFTED, as the Company Director, was "going to" donate.
PRECIOUS had his 1st beer charge, after being seen with 3 lovely
girls together last week - why wouldn't you be there again this week
instead of coming to Hash?
NORMAL had a charge for SS - reckons SS is dumber than himself.
Checking the Shuttlebus manifesto at Tullarmarine, NORMAL couldn't 
find passengers J. Hardy & D. Faulkner - turns out SS had no idea
where to catch the bus.
HEAD JOB had a drink for posting wrong info in last week's 'blah blah',
about Andrew's daughter & the blister disease - where did you say
I could get that Sub-Editor?
DUMBER was charged for feeding his meat to JITTERBUG at the 
Friday Gossip Club lunch, then ROWDY charged NORMAL for the
20 year passing of the NORMAL dummy (or stubby) spit in Mair St.
ROWDY had another drink for his run No 1111, & MOUNTIE charged
QUICK DICK for saying on the run "it's dark at this time at night !!"
SHAFFY heard THE BILL having a bit of a 'gloat' on the run, so 
thought he should be re-named "Billy Gloat", then Juri charged
NUM & DUMB for their little bit of 'romanticism' on the run.
CHRIS CROS charged PRECIOUS for dropping the money tin, 
& spilling change everywhere - wonder how much did roll 
under the deck?
DUMBER charged QUICK DICK for having NUMMY & not 
HEAD HUNTER phone in when the bus was full of women.
QUICK DICK  wondered how so many could get 'lost' in the 2 storey
car park at Ballarat Base - have a drink ROWDY.
FANG wanted to know if we could get a 'where's GLIDER app' 
(ala where's Wally) seeing as SS gets asked about GLIDER 
every week - something like that !!  
SPENCE charged HEAD HUNTER for the match-box sized garbage
bin - "We are at Hash you know", & then HEAD HUNTER had a 2nd,
as she didn't want to start the new job at JK smelling of grog - 
enter MOUNTIE ........ annnnnd "Ought to be.....".
DR DEATH & SOS made it to the On After - obviously SOS had been
busy "Tidying" somewhere.

Next week's run, CHRIS CROS at home, 19 Platypus Drive, Mt Clear,
ummm .... rear entry. Perhaps BYO Chair.