Tuesday, April 25, 2017

24 - 4 -'17       Run 1819     Munster's Arms

THE BILL's run on Anzac Eve. PRECIOUS was stand-in 
Choirmaster, on what FOP called the Pre Anzac Eve run, quickly
corrected by SPENCER HOCKING - Errr ... Pre Anzac Eve was
Sunday Night !! 21 in for the night, & SHAFFY continued to 
'lower the bar' - late again. According to THE BILL, the run was
"beautifully set this morning in 4 lb of flour" - not sure about it
after 25 ml of precipitation.
Runners & walkers took off, leaving 5 bar-flys to get down downs 
sorted. Due to the over the top bar prices ($7 pot of light & $5 pot
of heavy) there'd be no delight from the pub, even if REAR ENTRY
was sent in to negotiate. NORMAL was Walker's Commandant &
phoned in to ask about the Drink-stop - Pizza Hut carpark.
FLOP decided to go & buy a regulation Dan's slab, & down down's
to be undercover at Ray's Outdoors.
Welcomes back for Paul from England, MASTABAIT from NT &
GLIDER - also FANG (but he's not Juri). The bar was 'lowered so
much' that Grog Master CRUTCHLESS was on the floor - SILIC 
thought she was lucky she didn't stick to it.
FOP thought it was the 'Public Holidays Hash' with so many
holidays backed up together.
Screw FASCINATOR took over for the shortest screw ever - about
15 seconds, after his marathon read from the phone last week,
& gave THE BILL a 6.9, so SILIC charged FASCINATOR for the 
'piss weak' effort. THE BILL had a drink for not checking prices
of grog & food for the night, with the Publican - we thought the 
Publican might've been trying to square off his mortgage in
the 1st couple of weeks.
Sergeant SPENCE charged FOP for his down downs at Ray's -
does this mean he's trying to 'Ray's the Bar' again? 
CRUTCHLESS had drinks for the question 'How did FOP &
MASTABAIT get their Hashnames?'
THE BILL, FANG & Paul had a Pre Anzac drink for the Allies,
and MASTABAIT & GLIDER for the old farts at Hash. The fallen
comrades of Hash were recognised - MIDNIGHT, RUSSELL UP
THE PUBLICAN, ARSO, HALF A BRA & HEAVY - BAD HEAD JOB
had a drink & hoped that he wasn't going to be the next!!
CRUTCHLESS charged 'The Silver Fox' SPENCER HOCKING,
because she could only remember 'a James Robertson' at 
school with dark hair!! DUMBER also charged SPENCE for 
having to apologize to our Publican for not getting to his pub
on the Christmas Run, as the Publican had put on extra staff
& food for the visit.
FOP charged FASCINATOR for wearing no Hash gear - instead,
the PRD stove-pipes & pixie boots. CRUTCHLESS was presented
with a singlet top that had painted-on hands to look like breast
supports - but not a lot to support !!
Paul had a drink out of his old/new shoes - DUMBER for his
fairy boots, & SILIC for the beer that was named after him -
'backward nut'. 
SHAFTED had given dog 'Jess' some crook food, so 
CRUTCHESS gave us a demo of dog actions, spinning round
on the floor, with legs in the air like a dying fly.

Nuffsed - next week at HER VAG's place, 703 Latrobe St.,
BYO chair.

Monday, April 17, 2017

17 - 4 -'17          Run 1818        Miner's Tavern

1st run of new GM FOP's reign, & the start of the downfall "Lowering
The Bar". Around 23 attendees, & not bad for an Easter Monday Run,
with the notable absence of REAR ENTRY, given The Miner's is his
"office" & he's always at the joint. 
Brand new Choirmaster HEAD HUNTER called for reverence for the
GM to start the On After. 
FOP had welcomes back for BAG OF DICKS, Paul "Bearer" & 
PUSBUCKET ( & as he said "Wot after 1 week?"). Significant Runs to
GILF 234 & PLUCKA 131. HEAD HUNTER proceeded to trot out a 
heap of new chants that we're never gonna get to remember.
New Screw FASCINATOR has introduced technology, having to read
his freakin' long-winded dialogue (are we there yet ?) from his phone,
& after a fair slab of football references, gave the Run of FOP
HER VAGESTY a 6.7, to which HEAD HUNTER began her chant of
"Shitty Trail" etc, to the tune of Mickey Mouse.
Stand-in Sergeant HER VAG thought the sniffyc*nts of 1818 should
be about the 18 yr olds & said "not D&C who's 3+ X 18", & so, enter
Eleanor, with DR DEATH taking a drink for the Daughter.
PEBBLES had a drink for being "horny" for HER VAG on the run - 
Hash Horn, then DUMBER for the stolen gold bullion in his old
Webster St, with THE BILL & QUICK DICK the closest likeness 
to the thief.
Setting the Run, HER VAG met old Hash Runner ANDREW ANDREW
ANDREW, so nominated another old Hash Runner SS to take a drink.
CRUTCHLESS charged MOUNTIE, for MOUNTIE asking at Waubra
months ago, "who are you?" - turns out MOUNTIE had known 
her for 20+ years. 
THE BILL was charged for rear-ending MOUNTIE last week (who'd
have thought !), & to that, HEAD HUNTER finally got to reel off a
chant that we knew. Also last week, visitor DEMENTIA invited the
girls in the "take home car", back to the Motel, presumably for a 
"happy ending".
NORMAL charged Paul "Bearer" for their conversation on the walk,
when NORMAL asked "so what's been happening Paul?" & the reply,
"Oh, I went down last night, big dark hole that you could drive a 
truck thru' & it's pretty wet down there", of course, talking about
the Mine. That's when NUMMY continued to "lower the bar", 
chanting that farkin' "Oughta be publicly ......." Arghhhh!!
THE BILL & QUICK DICK saved HER VAG - "don't roll your ankle
on that acorn" (again), & "if you do, give us the keys, so that while
you're laid up, we can get to the drink-stop"
They called NORMAL a lazy prick for only laying 10 bricks on a 
big job, but he thought that was good management - & it got
him a drink.
D&C, NUM NUM MOUNTIE are off to Tassie (MOUNTIE's got 
a map, D&C not), so MOUNTIE awarded them drinks ahead
of time - reckon the rest of us should've had a drink 'cos they
won't be here.

Righto,  you've had a fair go ......

Next week, THE BILL's run from Munster's Arms, 
(old Black Rhino), Bakery Hill.


Tuesday, April 11, 2017

10 - 4 -'17                  Run 1817                AGM

GM NUM NUM assumed the position for the last time, & drinks to welcome 
visitors BIG CLIT, Y2K JELLY, SWALLOW & DEMENTIA, then welcomes
back to HER VAGESTY, EXIT, SQUIZZY, CANDIDA & ROAD RUNNER, but
forgot FANG, so he had to drink on his own.
Happy Birthday to 60 years 'young' DAZED & CONFUSED, & NORMAL had 
to step in to drink for her (we wondered if he has to step in for her in the 
bedroom as well !!). HEAD HUNTER was a bit 'out of it', as she had said 
bye for now to her Shielagh - as she said "Well she is my Mum".
The athletes & walkers took to the streets of the North, leaving 9 bar flys
to a stubby or 3, & hear the practise recital of Andy Pobjoy's keyboard
stand-in Kevin Mahoney, & very good too !! The next job - erect the 
Nash Hash signage. Schoolmarm CANDIDA quickly took over the
Supervisor Role, as apparently, SILIC & REAR ENTRY weren't up to
scratch, so she did the job herself. CRUTCHLESS was on crutches again,
wandering round, but only using them about every 4th or 5th step.
The On After, & NUMMY had installed the blow-up Limbo Bar, but of course
that meant "lowering the bar" - more on that later.
She trotted out the 1817 sniffyc*nts a little early, & that saw Ireland's
first Abstinence Society, so JITTERBUG was up for an Ireland drink &
DR DEATH for Abstinence, then Jane Austen's death brought to mind
her novels, 'Pride & Prejudice' and 'Sense & Sensibility', so 
DUMB & DUMBER was in there as well.
SS took the floor to screw the run, but they gave him a mic. - never let
a chance go by - & he launched into Danny Boy with obligatory vibrato,
& according to keyboardist Mahoney, all in the Key of D (that your 
key BENT?). A well stocked drink-stop topped off a good run & walk - 
thank you DUMB.
Sergeant ROWDY's last stand & had to recognise CRUTCHLESS in her 
ball gown, complete with fascinator & a pearl necklace in the cleavage -
that made him bar up !! MOUNTIE had a huge pearl necklace (the jewelry
type) trying to out-do CRUTCHLESS, and GILF & HEAD HUNTER were 
in there somewhere as well, all to be taken away by DIMENTIA.
GLIDER had PRECIOUS, as the youngest Hash Member, do a charge
in memory of ARSO, then NORMAL charged GLIDER for all the rain
over the weekend (??). SHAFTED spun a golf 'in-joke' that went flat
on it's arse - not like our usually zany SHAFFY.
FASCINATOR met BIG CLIT - thought it good 'cos he usually can't 
find it - DIMENTIA couldn't remember & maybe needed Y2K JELLY &
chances are, SILIC found a REAR ENTRY (can't read this bloody
scribble, but it's kinda like that !!).
FASCINATOR took a charge for the sad passing of John Clarke/Fred
Dag, then MOUNTIE charged SWALLOW because she couldn't spread
her legs. LOIS LANE had a celebration drink for daughter Phillipa's
marriage, then HALF A BAR had a f**kin' charge for f**kin' SILIC &
f**kin' REAR ENTRY for not f**kin' going outside because there was free
f**kin' beer inside !! THE BILL charged DUMBER for being the only one
to be run over by a boat going down the road, then BIG CLIT & 
Y2K JELLY were charged for making sure to follow MOUNTIE in 
her tights, all the way home. ROAD RUNNER made a check of the 
50 yr old Council Records & DUMBER is the only one to ever be hit by a 
speedboat on the road.
DONUTS was charged for his "spleen vent" about being sick of 
picking up at Tullamarine, only to take a phone call from the son
30 seconds later - "Can you pick me up Dad?". 
BIG CLIT charged SHAFTED for driving his car over the finely
manicured garden at the Bowls Club ( you've never seen him in
action at the Bot Gardens MR CLIT !!). FANG took the final charge
of NUMMY's 'Raise The Bar' Hash, as being the oldest (longest ?)
serving member of the original Ballarat Hash.
Old Committee out - (F**k off, you've had a fair go!!) & enter the
new GM FOP of the "Lower The Bar" Hash.

New Committee:

Grog Master  .  .  .  .  CRUTCHLESS   Hash Screw  .   FASCINATOR
Keeper of the Book  JITTERBUG       Choirmaster  .   HEAD HUNTER
Hash Cash  .  .  .  . .  HER VAGESTY  Sergeant  .  .  .   SPENCER HOCKING
Religious Advisor 
& Big Events  .  .  .  . MOUNTIE           Hash Horn  .  .  PEBBLES
Trail Master .  .  .  .  . NUM NUM          Blog Bastard .  Status Quo

New GM FOP has decided to "Lower The Bar", has aired the T Shirt,
then declared that he's a "Man of Action", but sick of cliche's - 
'build a wall', 'moooving fooorward' (ala Julia-r) etc. - so, we'll see &
good luck FOPPY.
We ate, drank & be'ed merry for the next couple of hours. Very nice 
roast, followed by small pav (I think, didn't have it) desserts and beer 
& red wine all round. Fair amount of 'darrrncing' to the excellent 
Mr Mahoney & the 1st exhibition for the year ahead of FOP's jocks - 
reckon there'll be somewhat more exposure down the track !!

Next week - Committee run from Miner's Tavern.

Monday, April 3, 2017

3 - 4 -'17             Run 1816            Awards Night

GM NUM NUM took the floor for the pen-ultimate, to welcome the 30 attendees, 
& happy that there's only 1 week to go. Welcome also to new runner Paul, 
& welcomes back from NZ to Shielagh, & to SPENCER HOCKING.
Happy Birthday to DAZED & CONFUSED on reaching '6' figures !!
On the short run, it was obvious that PLUCKA, with the short tu tu on, 
should've left the tights off !! MOUNTIE thought her outfit left the breasts a bit
flat, but I assured her that they looked good to me, & I think it was only the
Hash Horn that was a bit flat. We all reached the drink-stop at DUMBER's
beneath the Sheltered Workshop, where the Friday Gossip Club meet.
SHAFTED reckoned that "Debbie" was aptly named - made a lot of noise
coming, took the houses with her & left NSW very wet !!" A couple of 
refreshments at the well stocked drink-stop, then a short walk back 
to the one-time Gentleman's Club.
At the On-After, there were Welcome Drinks for Paul, Shielagh, SPENCER 
HOCKING, BAR LICKER & FOP.
SS screwed NUM & DUMB for the well marked short walk/run, the venue, 
the dress-ups & photos, but they missed SOS - did anyone ?? 
SPENCE charged SILIC for having no Hash Gear "but don't change, 
we don't want to see you out of it". 
Sergeant ROWDY's 1st charge for (the lay down misere) "who looks best
in tight shiny pants?", FOP or DAZED & CONFUSED.    NORMAL took the
drink for D & C.   Sniffyc*nts of 1816 ? - of course Doctor, the Leannec 
stethoscope invented, but also, don't forget the Maelzel Metronome.
DR DEATH made JITTERBUG wet & he dribbled - please explain.
CRUTCHLESS took 2 for being the "golden shower girl", & then writing 
her car (& everything else) off. NORMAL had a charge for "what's your
name?", QUICKDICK for having Shielagh back, after wanting a photo
of her going back to Dublin.
DUMBER was charged for returning to a venue where last time we 
lost someone, HEAVY. RIP. Then, all the dicks drank up, 'cos all dicks
drink together - QUICK DICK, MRS DICKHEAD & HALF A BAR, joined by
Paul, PLUCKA, THE BILL & SHAFTED. PLUCKA had 2 more - 1 for phoning
SPENCE (who was in NZ), "Where's the carpark?" & another for calling out
to HEAD HUNTER on the bush walk, "how do you get to the other side of
the river?" - "You're already there you idiot !!"
SPENCE charged HALF A BAR for f**king the BBQ Spit (the same as he
does the sheep), since it has worked perfectly for 36 years, & Tommy's 
borrowed it only once. 
NUMMY came back to relive some of the years' highlights - ROWDY's 
sniffyc*nts of the 1800's, SPENCER HOCKING's 'raising the bar' of 
Ballarat Hash towards Nash Hash, the significant runs of ROWDY &
MOUNTIE 1000, LOIS LANE's 800, MRS D & SHAFTED's 500, SOS 300
& PLUCKA 100, the sad passing of CRUNT & BIG BALLS, joining new
members JITTERBUG, HEAD HUNTER, QUICK DICK & CRUTCHLESS,
& the Ballarat 1800 run at Trentham.

AWARDS:

"Pot Calling The Kettle Black". Runners Up were HALF A BAR & SILIC,
but BENT NOSE took it out by a large bent nose, & DONUTS stepped 
up to have the drink.

"Tight Arsed Prick". Won uncontested by REAR ENTRY for running
out of grog at the drink-stop.

"Spectacle Award". Runner up HALF A BAR for his sprained ankle at
the cricket, but won by CHRIS CROS for being half naked in the women's
loo at Top Eureka, & FOP stepped up for the drink.

"Pisspot Award". Another 'lay down misere' - Winner PUSBUCKET.
Snag's idea of a balanced diet is "a stubby in each hand". In his 4th
acceptance speech in succession, he said, "he should just keep the 
trophy permanently", but then digressed, (do you believe that?), saying
he asked MOUNTIE what she wanted for her Birthday. The reply was
"a divorce" - "good, I wasn't going to spend too much".

"Shit-house Run". Runners Up were PEBBLES & SHAFTED, but taken
out by back to back winner FASCINATOR, who was actually there to take
the drink himself, & looking forward to the Hat-trick next year.

"Shit-hot Run". Runners Up were SHAFFY & ROWDY, & the winner is
............ the "Man among men & the fishes as well" SS who they thought,
accepted gracefully.

"ARSO's Club Member Award". SPENCER HOCKING - accepted on 
behalf of HEAVY, who said, "make Ballarat Hash important to
Nash Hash".

Thanks to Peter Carrigg & Helpers at the Old Colonists for great food
with the usual variety of meats, fish, veg & desserts.

Next week - AGM at North Ballarat Bowling Club.


Monday, March 27, 2017

23 - 3 -'17             Run 1815         Slatey Creek

ROWDY's run for 'passed' Hash-man MIDNIGHT, signalling the end of
daylight saving. About 15 runners & 1/2 doz. walkers took to the tracks
around Slatey, whilst 7 of us were left to tend to the "homefires". They
returned to On Home & drink-stop and a roaring camp-fire.
Welcomes back to INSATIABLE, FLUID MOVEMENT & Steve, then a 
salute to MIDNIGHT.
Screw SS praised ROWDY for "raising the bar tonight"... "look at the
environment of this spot". The drink-stop was well stocked, & the R.A.
has done a magnificent job with the weather.
Sergeant ROWDY's 1st charge was for SHAFTED & the warnings for 
oncoming cyclone 'Debbie', then in the same vein, one for REAR ENTRY
suffering the 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' routine.
1815 saw the 1st 'Swiss Cheese' Factory in Switzerland, Napoleon 
defeated at Waterloo ...... & please be inclusive!! ..... the year of 1230
on the Islamic calender.
FASCINATOR had a drink for 'being a dick', & BAD HEAD JOB for 
coming (was that cumming?) in his hijab. HALF A BAR for, after all 
these years at Hash, not knowing where the run was, & CRUTCHLESS
got lost in the gutter. Juri said "he had to go work", & that prompted 
NORMAL to charge him for 'School Teachers actually going to WORK'.
Juri had another one for 'old runners', then was presented with
his bag of 'old runners'. MOUNTIE stayed upright for the whole run, 
& JITTERBUG, one for her designer Italian boots.
GILF charged SS for the 'threesome in the riverbed', but SS thought
that a threesome was a bit too long ago to remember.
Charges also for HEAD HUNTER thinking that NORMAL was 
'such a Gentleman', but he only took his hat off because of the 
bottle opener in the brim. DUMB & DUMBER demanded a 'hearing'
as Throstle was severely hampered in his run.

Next week - Awards Night at the Old Colonist's Club.

PS. On the return journey, the 'author' wanted to turn left & take the 
road back toward Creswick, however the main (back seat) navigator
insisted on a right turn, that "this will take us back to 5 Ways" - 
sure, via South Bendigo !! After another 'traveller' & a few more K's 
of gravel road (no wonder THE BILL didn't go tonight), we sailed past
Adekite Camp, to eventually come out of the bush a couple of K's
north of the old Dean Pub !!  Mmmmmm ........

Monday, March 20, 2017

20 - 3 -'17                    Run 1814                 Lal Lal

SHAFTED's run at 219 Coal Mine Rd .... waiting .... waiting, then the Postie
arrives - no, it's the Hare at 7PM on the Postie's Bike. SHAFFY went on 
about the 'short run', but didn't mention that we'd need a torch !!
Everyone onto the 'Winnebago', with SILIC at the helm (needed some
persuasion from Co-pilot SHAFFY to stay on the centre of the road) & 
onwards towards Bungal. REAR ENTRY needed some persuasion also,
to "get off the fuckin' bus Greenie!!" with the walkers.
13 eager athletes took to the trail like 'seagulls onto a hot chip'. Trail was
obviously set 'at speed' on the Postie bike, with easily a bag of Limil
to each mark. SHAFTED thought PLUCKA looked pretty good in her 
red outfit, & probably even better out of it. He gave us a little bit of
Geology 101 as we passed the tailing heap. The run was largely bereft
of halts (unless they took off as this "author" arrived), but one was at 
the grave of 6 yr old Mary Patterson, who died of pneumonia.
Back at the circle, NUMMY had welcomes back for HER VAGESTY,
FOP, DONUTS, CRUTCHLESS, FASCINATOR & Gary (The Sweeper)
Foster, who looked after the tail-enders.
SS thought that screwing SHAFTED would be an 'interesting excercise' -
but what a run we had. Just happened to be 2-1/2 X 5 or 6, & we arrived
back in the dark of night.The walk was well set, but obviously set at speed,
as per the large markings & SHAFFY was covered in Limil. The terrain was 
terrific, & at one point MASTABAIT wanted to go yabbying. NORMAL
pointed out the kangaroo in the paddock, but it was only on the 
Aussie flag.
Sergeant ROWDY took to the floor & charged MOUNTIE for her
St Patrick's Day 'pisshead' voice, then HEAD HUNTER & Mum Sheilagh
as being the face of Ireland for Paddy's Day. 
Extremely sad to hear of SORRY's health woes - we're thinking of her.
TEFLON was next - got a charge for being stupid.
ROWDY's sniffyc*nts of 1814 was the London Beer Flood, where a 
large vat of Porter burst, demolished buildings & killed 9 people, but
I'm surprised he didn't mention the very 1st Cricket Match at Lord's on 
22nd June, annnnd, where were you 2, PUSBUCKET & FOP??
GLIDER relayed a charge from EXIT for SHAFTED, having the run in
La La Land, & SHAFFY took an extra one for LITTLE EVIL being
in La La Land for the last 20 years. HALF A BAR (the staunch CFA
Volunteer) who made the Campers move the BBQ into the centre of
the creek on a Total Fire Ban day a couple of years ago, promptly
burnt the sheep at last weekend's fundraiser bash.
NUMMY celebrated having another Gary (Foster), as well as the 
dog Gary. PLUCKA drank up for laying on the bus bed, with all the
blokes around, & QUICK DICK charged for asking Coach Captain
NORMAL to take a photo of Mother-in-Law Sheilagh on her way
to the Airport "to make sure she's gone!!"
DUMBER had a drink for mistaking the 'porcelain penguin' for a 
cat on the Wendouree Parade walk. NUMMY was laying in bed with
DUMB & DUMBER (the morning person), when there was a text from
MOUNTIE - "send DUMB - the batteries on my dildo are flat".

That'll do - you've had a fair go!!

Next week's run - ROWDY's "MIDNIGHT" Run at Slatey Creek.
                                               Don't forget that the bridge is out. 


Tuesday, March 14, 2017

13 - 3 -'17                Run 1813               Park Hotel

Committee Run - but where's the freakin' Committee? Stand-in's everywhere.
NUMMY took charge & welcomed Shielagh, then welcomes back for Eleanor
(DR DEATH's progeny) & PHUCKWIT PHIL.
15 Super Athletes & 5 or 6 Walkers took to the streets of the "not so fabulous"
west, leaving a couple of bar flys to breast the bar.
On the run, we saw where REAR ENTRY has started to dump some of his TV
garbage, at the gravel end of Longley St. NUMMY came across the back of the
Golf Driving Range, with what looked like a rolled up sock down the front of 
the camel-toe, finally to retrieve a couple of golf balls from "down below" - 
lucky they didn't slide away to get lost amongst the 'sweat of the run'.
Back at the On After, was a welcome charge to the Irish 'Shielagh', & a 
welcome back to 'Eleanor' - PHUCKWIT's vacated early.
HALF A BAR proved that he could actually count past 10.
Sniffyc*nts of 1813 - well, the first lot of wool from Aus. sent to UK -
thought it might have been Blaxland & Wentworth over the Blue Mountains, 
or Redmond Barry b June 7- eh ROWDY??
MOUNTIE went on & on with a Union rant about the 8 Hr Day - 
"Whadawewant Whendawee Wannit?"
Stand-in Screw THE BILL made it a joint one for NUM NUM & DUMB.
SHAFTED on the run chased pussy, or was that a dog?
R.A. PUSBUCKET came forth to interject, opening with "I digress...." 
(who knew?) charging DUMBER for his personalised running shoes at Hash.
Think the interjection might have had a fair bit of "how long have I been at
the Bar?" about it!! 
DUMBER explained that the 'HcH' markers on the run were to denote
'Henry Headen Cuthbert'. 
Stand-in Sergeant SHAFTED said it was "like sex, just hasn't done it 
for a while". NORMAL was in for a charge or 2 - being sacked from 
everywhere including the Bus Co, & DUMBER claiming so many ran
tonight because NORMAL was in charge of the walk. SS sent an absentee
charge to Shielagh, for being at the Trout Hatchery. HALF A BAR was
charged for killing the sheep, "But they were fucked" he said.
DR DEATH & DUMBER charged each other for dangerous driving & 
no indicators. MRS DICKHEAD was charged for losing bunny rabbit
'Nibbles', NUMMY for her golf balls on the run & PEBBLES for his 
mid-week text that was supposed to be a joke.

That's it - you've had a fair go!! 

Next weeks run - SHAFTED, 219 Coal Mine Rd., Lal Lal.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

7 - 3 -'17                     Run 1812                  5 Ways

GILF's the Hare. NUMMY's regained her voice & ready to 'raise the bar' again.
Welcome to visitor DIGIT DIGESTER, with bandaged arm, then thanks to all
the Nash Hash Committee, as we sight the 'late' Hare disappearing along 
Codes Forrest Rd., to deposit the Drink-stop.
The athletes headed off along the roads & goat tracks of the fabulous
north "east", & collected with the walkers after a fairly easy run.
Back at the circle, the first official business was to collect the poppers & 
line up, Guard of Honour style, to officially pipe in ROWDY's 1100th Run
(didn't he get a charge for that already at STUBBY's Bar ??), LOIS LANE's
800th, & SOS' 300th.
Next came DIGIT's explanation of her Hash Name - attacked in London in  '94
by a mugger, who she bit the finger of, or was it right off ?
Welcomes back to HEAD HUNTER & QUICK DICK after swanning round
on holiday in New 'Zilland', then REAR ENTRY & SILIC (who missed them
anyway?) MRS DICKHEAD & MASTABAIT.
New chant - "How would you like my finger in your rear - no, no not likely"
to the tune of Hava Nagila - what key were you in BENT? While we're at it,
can we piss off that shocker "ought to be publicly pissed on" that most hate.
SS stepped up to screw GILF, & thought the run & walk were 'succinct',
(& that turned a few heads!!) & wonderful that we all arrived at the 
well stocked Drink-stop, then a very short On Home. TEFLON had a drink
to support the Hare.
Sergeant ROWDY's first charge was for Nash Hash "Volunteer turned Hero"
of last weekend REAR ENTRY, for saving a very grumpy woman on the very 
steep slope, quickly followed by DUMBER & DUMBER drinking up for
his getting the 'yank tank' stuck on the 5 Ways steep slope a few years ago.
Nash Hash Volunteers THE BILL, PLUCKA, MRS DICKHEAD & CHRIS CROS
were the next drinkers, then the Nash Hash Run Setters from Ballarat Hash.
Then came the inevitable sniffyc**ts of 1812, to which this "author(?)" was
 "severely chortled", but rose out of the ashes with, Tchaikovsky's 
Overture in Eb Major, Opus 49 also Charles Dickens born on Feb 7th. 
What else was there ROWDY? - quite a few I think, but missed in the notes.
GILF & NORMAL were next & made to sit on the ice. Tight-arsed prick
SILIC had been busy knocking the Nash Hash weekend, but quick to
line up for some cheap left-over cans of Nash Hash Splash, then SOS was
charged 'responsible' for Cops turning up each time we run from 5 Ways.
NUM NUM charged ROWDY for his wanting the incoming GM to be aware
that he didn't want a job this year, then PRECIOUS had his water charge for
being old enough for a root at the High School weekend, but still not old
enough to drink an alcohol charge. ROWDY charged Sniffyc*nt 
(aka HEAD HUNTER) & MRS D for the 'strings' hanging, after the
poppers parade. BENT NOSE charged TEFLON for his wrong directions,
then HEAD HUNTER drank up for having DUMBER weld up the bed, but
wouldn't say how it got broken. Uri & ROWDY - bit of banter about
charging for medical practise (dunno!!).

Next week - Committee run - Park Hotel.







Tuesday, February 28, 2017

27 - 2 -'17           Run 1811           Mt Xavier Golf Club

MOUNTIE's  Post-Lube Nash Hash Run, or 
                                                        "Last piss-up for the remaining Piss-heads".
After a couple of pre-lubes, a very hoarse GM NUMMY, began proceedings
with a charge for JITTERBUG, who's had 5 runs & now knows everything - 
could be a budding BENT NOSE on the way !!
A drink for the 7 GM's present, then for the piss-pots from each Club.
Hare MOUNTIE announced that the run was short 'cos she's knackered.
Lots of runners took off into the East, while 5 bar-flys were left to 
organize the drink-stop. 20 walkers followed the 'pied piper' NORMAL on his
zig-zag stroll round the Golf Course, obviously looking for his lost golf balls -
think he picked up 3.
We all gathered at the well stocked drink-stop, of VB's, Carrrrlton, & the 
Athletic Club's Gold Rush Nash Hash Splash Cans.
At the On After, SS screwed MOUNTIE  for the walk, but "not sure about 
the run", & RA PUSBUCKET took one for the good weather. NORMAL had 
a drink for picking up golf balls & not offering them to MASTABAIT
"f**k MASTABAIT" he said - (but isn't that what he does each Friday Night?).
As Sergeant ROWDY took to the podium, the 1st of many "Hammersly takes
it up the arse" chants was heard. First charge was for NORMAL, seen 
(alledgedly) during the weekend in Ballarat, swapping red T shirts, then one
for BONER,  being extremely excited, seeing MOUNTIE's pert set of 60 (?)
yr old breasts. Then came the first of many chants from GRIZZLY ......
"Would you like to sit on my face .... or would you like to go .. down down" etc.
"Ya stupid, ya stupid .... if it wasn't for your Mother you'd be .. down down" etc.
DAZED & CONFUSED lost the ear ring, but where was it?
SPENCER HOCKING had a drink as 'Stroke' of the Down Down Crew, & 
SOS as the gun 'Skuller'. HALF A BAR was at the Mt Buninyong run, 
from top to bottom, & still got lost!!
Another Hammersly "Takes it up the arse ....."
BENT NOSE has never been wrong in his life, but he WAS wrong (what???)
about the tyres on NORMAL's car.
GRIZZLY again ... "Why was he born so beautiful, he's no f**kin' use
to anyone, he's no f**kin' use at all".
A rotation of "chefs" personed the BBQ, to fill the patrons with snags on 
bread, & hamburger rolls with meat, egg, bacon & onion - yum!! 
Well done 'Youse'.

That's it - you've had a fair go 'youse pricks',

Next week's run - GILF from 5 Ways, On After ? who knows?? Where
are you TEFLON ?





Monday, February 20, 2017

20 - 2 -'17             Run 1810           Athletic Club Bar

TEFLON's Pre Lube Nash Hash Run. SPENCER HOCKING assumed the
stand-in GM Position (complete with coat), seeing as NUMMY let the bar
crash to the ground again, (this time to put Family first !!). SPENCE
welcomed back Ballarat Hashers along with the Nash Hash Committee.
TEFLON briefed on the run ahead, & complimented PUSBUCKET on
coming back for the run, after sussing out the Nash Hash Bike Trail.
He said MASTURBAIT is in charge of the walkers "Put your hand up
MASTURBAITER" & straight away 8 hands went up !! About 20 runners
headed off into the fabulous East, soon to find the Eureka Flag at the
roundabout & the "these feet" chant. We met up with 20 odd (odd??) 
walkers at the well stocked drink-stop by the Eastern Oval.
At the On-After, welcomes back for FOP, HER VAGESTY, FLUID 
MOVEMENT, SOS, LITTLE EVIL, DONUTS & PRECIOUS. Some of the
visitors included WEE WEE, GOANNA?, ADELAIDE et al .......
Nash Hash Committee all had a drink, including Ballarat Reps 
DR DEATHMOUNTIE, DUMB & DUMBER, SHAFTED & others.
Big charge for ROWDY with 1100 runs.
Recent registrations for the Red Dress Run were SOS & EVIL.
All Ballarat Hash had a drink to which no-one could real off their names!!
SS screwed TEFLON for the run & a good walk that included the Southern
Cross chant & a visit to M.A.D.E.
Sergeant ROWDY charged STUBBY for his finally gaining Title to 
the Brewery, & SPENCER HOCKING for all of his Nash Hash work.
Sniffycants of 1810? - Napoleon married 19 yr old Marie Louise,
Archduchess of Austria.
DR DEATH & MOUNTIE caused a stir last week for hiding the money tin,
& DUMBER for the snake in the car episode.
FUCKED IF I KNOW had a rebound drink for his rant over the 'Odds &
Evens' numbers in Ballarat streets & FLUID MOVEMENT complained
about Ballarat's cold weather - now that she's living in Canberra !! 
A drink also for those not yet charged (what ??), DAZED & CONFUSED,
SOS, FANG, THE BILL & MOUNTIE.

Have a good Nash Hash 'youse pricks'.

Next week's run - Post Nash Hash - Xavier Golf.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

6 - 2 -'17             Run 1808            South Gardens

PUSBUCKET's run & cricket match. The 'athletes' took off towards the 
Lake, as 10 bar flys were left to quench thirsts, & watch as the 'late'
SHAFTED arrived, complete with Hash BBQ Trailer, & ride-on mower -
did he think the Council was remiss with the lawn cut, or had 
Brian Blood thrown a spanner in the works?
Back at the On After, we all lined up Guard of Honour style, with our
'poppers', to honour MOUNTIE's 1000th. NUMMY then welcomed back
PIMP, FANG & ROWDY.
SS screwed PUSBUCKET & quickly made him realize that the East 
isn't as good as the West after all. The trail was well marked, even 
paused at the statues of Bodgy 'Hawke' & Liar 'Juliar', & a good
Drinkstop, although wearing the R.A. hat, the weather hadn't been
particularly well ordered.
Charges, post cricket match, were for DR DEATH, who should be
renamed SUDDEN DEATH for his stumpings, ROWDY's fully decked
out in creams & HALF A BAR going to ground after his big trip up.
The sad passing of PENNY FARTHING's husband Pat Hope was
also recognized.
Sergeant ROWDY's charges were for SHAFTED, as HEAVY had a 
free ride to Melbourne, & again for HALF A BAR going arse over head.
'1808' and SPENCER HOCKING & PIMP drank up for the 'Rum Rebellion',
(only successful armed takeover of the Government). 
Waitangi Day saw the Kiwi's LOIS LANE & BP celebrating, NUMMY 
for the women footballers playing like men & BENT NOSE for the 4
Essendon players getting their cars stolen ( guess the crims thought
that being Essendon cars, there'd be plenty of drugs around!).
REAR ENTRY won $500, so now he's probably only $1000 down.
R.A. PUSBUCKET got rid of the rain, so now it's looking like good
weather for Nash Hash - FANG a pathetic charge. DR DEATH looked
Regal in his Bowler Hat & REAR ENTRY got out of PIMP's Essendon
sponsored car, but saw no 'Greene' signs at all. LOIS LANE celebrated
her 38th Anniversary & had seen a 'Cockatoo !!' (woohoo).
PIMP had a 4 page tell all article in a mag & REAR ENTRY for Bernadi
leaving the Liberal Party. PIMP had a 4th drink as he'd mentioned
(as a very poor HashMan !!), that 3 was enough, SILIC for his 
judgement at the cricket, & MASTABAIT for wanting to carve up the field.
DR DEATH & HALF A BAR won the cricket, but HALF A BAR was on
the podium without even scoring, & PEBBLES was Man of the Match.
So as not to stray from tradition, Security arrived at the end to check
on our behaviour, & we all bought the cans from behind our backs
as he shook hands & joked with 'Old Mate' DR ROWDY.

Next week's run - Pebbles, from home.