Tuesday, October 17, 2017

16 - 10 - '17     Run 1846     441 Doveton St

SOS's run from home with some good weather for a change.
FOP welcomed the Hash 35 for the run in the sunshine.
The Hare assured us that it was a pretty cool run & up there
for the best of the year. It would be a good 5 km, with a few
on-backs & a Drink-stop. As expected, a run thru' the streets
up North, that included up & down Black Hill, then back to the
well stocked VB Drink-stop, with lollies & chips, amongst the
skips at MacArthur St School. After a can (or NORMAL's 2), we
grabbed a traveller to get us all the way across Doveton, as we
watched DR DEATH & the Engel, ride the bonnet of the old Toyota 
to cross the street - what could've gone wrong Your Honour?
"Little boys & bread rolls" were the pre-dinner snacks, to which 
the Hare received a charge for "food before the Circle", 
NORMAL for taking 2 savs per roll  ..... "Him, him, ... f*ck him'.
FOP had welcomes back for TEFLON from O.S., BP, BENT NOSE,
FANG, & FASCINATOR (& MOUNTIE because she's always 
cumming) .... "Stupid .... so f*ckin' dumb".
At last we had the real Screw FASCINATOR. He said how pooch 
'Chicken' had been attacked on the run by a poodle, then 
mentioned how the house renno was f*cked, with no wall sheets,
(bit of Tidy 'substance' money put to good use tho'), & that, as 
soon as SOS took his hat off to reveal the hair style, it proved
everything. A Fascination level of 6.9 !! ..... S.H.I.T.T.Y trail.
Stand in Sergeant QUICK DICK had ROWDY, DIMWIT & PEBBLES
charged for their Hash Training Run at the Melbourne marathon, 
then MOUNTIE bought the Old Man PUSBUCKET a drink for his
having 41 beers - one for each 'K' of the marathon.
HEAD HUNTER was also quick to buy the Old Man QUICK DICK
a drink, saying it was the funniest he'd ever been, but NORMAL
gave her a charge back, saying "QUICK DICK can't be too bad,
he married you, you stupid bitch". 
MOUNTIE was up next for a fight about an on-back, then D&C
who kept on running past some people she knew - of course,
her stand-in drinker NORMAL took that one.
DR DEATH breached his Community Corrections Order by 
running round the school, & of course as all DR's drink, out
you come ROWDY.
NUMMY charged SILIC ( or was that Harry Butler?) for, after
removing his hat, looking like that feller Harvey "Winecask",
then ROWDY had PAULINE & HALF A BAR out for looking like 
they had swapped shirts for the night - the long on the short.
BENT NOSE was disgusted with both Dr's for no response to 
his post about eating pussy .... You're ugly ... you're ugly !!
Both QUICK DICK & PUSBUCKET had a drink for recently 
coming home "the drunkest they'd ever been", then, ROWDY
wanted to know if PLUCKA had "sand in it", after playing
volleyball & missing 2 runs. 
MOUNTIE charged SOS for letting 'Chicken' get bloated, after
free-wheeling round the table looking for cast-offs, then DIMWIT
had his "positive" charge for ROWDY, after ROWDY helped him
avoid some dog shit on the run.
DIMWIT stayed front & centre, as PEBBLES recalled him saying
at the top of Black Hill, "looks like we go down from here".
ROWDY had charges for REAR ENTRY for yet another 'fail',
not knowing the theme song, & LOIS LANE for the consolation
of the New Zulland losers.

That'll do - thanks HEAD HUNTER, didn't have to suffer "it" once.

Great tucker at the 'festive board' - ham on the bone, bread, 
pineapple & cheese, & plenty of it, topped of with cakes via
the PMT 50 - thank 'youse'.

Next week's run - Hare's (might be brazilian) NUT CRACKER &
D&C from Brown Hill Pub.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

9 - 10 -'17    Run 1845    Miner's Tavern

SPARTACUS the Hare for another run from the Office, with 
about 24 loyal Hashers in tow. FOP was there for the early
meet & greet, then handed over to Stand-in GM NUM NUM.
She welcomed back FLUID MOVEMENT & PAULINE, then 
called on the Hare for details.
SPARTACUS assured us the run was well marked, left, right
& all thru' the fabulous North.
After a couple of hills & on-backs, trail eluded most from 
about Howitt St, & the run was aborted, only to find the 
welcome drink-stop back at the Office, down stairs.
At the circle, NUMMY welcomed back (in her own words),
"that Canberrian" FLUID, LOIS LANE, PRECIOUS &
JITTERBUG.
NUM called out NUT CRACKER & claimed she should be
renamed Ball Breaker. She had her L A shirt on, so 
SHAFTED took her away with "Lar lar la lar lar".
Next we had the foursome, D & C, NUT CRACKER, ROWDY
& SPARTACUS.
Stand in Screw D & C was there to screw SPARTACUS for
a run that she described as, "after Lydiard St, went down
like a withdrawn erection" - all down hill. She went on,
"it was completely f*cked, just like a dead bird." 3 out of 10.
As D & C left the screw's podium, then came the question, 
"would NUT CRACKER be a good screw?"
Stand in Sergeant PRECIOUS gave NUMMY a drink & thanks
for standing up as GM, trying to "raise the bar" again, then
as Tom Petty left us this week, we are still left with SILIC.
A charge for NUMMY, something about Bathurst wet & dry,
& then that bloody "Oughta be publicly...."     Aaaargh.
NORMAL was absent (who cheered?), so you'll do DONUTS,
for NORMAL being happy that the Yes vote is nearly done,
& as all Nuts drink - out you come NUT CRACKER.
PEBBLES charged REAR ENTRY. He sent R.E. the words
of the Richmond song & REARY still had to read it from
the phone - FAIL !! We did have one of the Office bar flys,
(another Stand-in) to sing along & have a drink for the 
yellow & black. REAR ENTRY had another, this time from
SHAFTED who was sure that the problem was his 
attention span.
MOUNTIE & PLUCKA had another Bathurst drink, for the 
sports cars they both drive, and then ..... another bloody 
"Oughta be public ....." - where the hell are you when I 
need you HEAD HUNTER ?? 
PRECIOUS had a charge for MOUNTIE with 'nits' in her
jocks, then NUMMY to PEBBLES for wanting to shag
everything in sight.
LOIS LANE had SHAFTED out the front for wanting all
the walkers to pick up the grass clip at his office ........
"you're stupid  ...... so f*ckin' dumb".
On the run, just by Seymours, someone on the street
asked MOUNTIE if she'd lost a dog - her reply " No, Snag's
only away, he's not lost !!" - come & have PUSBUCKET's
drink DUMB & DUMBER.
DONUTS called out PRECIOUS for claiming he could 'see'
all the unmarked on-backs, then JITTERBUG had a drink
for saying she had a 'Man' to do all her work.
MOUNTIE had just had a brazilian done, both sides this 
time, & then ROWDY had a 'serious' charge for HALF A BAR's
asking 'What's a brazilian?" That got PEBBLES to charge
both NUT CRACKER & HALF A BAR for "how much is a 
brazilian & how long does it take?"
Just then, HALF A BAR trotted out the 'Dad Joke of the Week',
- the everything I touch is sore blonde - "no darling, you've
only got a sore finger. Out the front ROWDY .... & as all Dr's
drink, you too DR DEATH.
SHAFTED wanted to know when the number of Hash runs
match up with the years, so our (I've got nothing else to do)
GLIDER did the sums, & reckons it's some time in 2021,
but who'll be the GM?
Final charge was for JITTERBUG having nothing beneath 
her shirt apart from the 2 heaving .......! There was quite a 
bit of after dinner wrestling tho' with MOUNTIE trying to
rip CLITTER's shirt off, to a chorus of "show us yer tits".

Next week's run - Hare SOS from home, 441 Doveton Nth.




Monday, October 2, 2017

2 - 10 -'17   Run 1844   Nuggety Dam

ROWDY's "Rainbow Theme of Love" run, full of the
technicolour & Where's Wally dress-ups - even a lovely
little butterfly with a BENT NOSE. That same little 
butterfly was seen to "take a dive" whilst trying to 
launch a rainbow kite into a tree. 
About 26 attendees - 11 off for a bush run, 2 "chefs"
left to scrape the rust off the BBQ plate, & I s'pose the
rest off for a walk, if only to the drink-stop, SILIC.
BHD led the athletes away from most of the on-backs,
( ahmm - see what I did then?), 'led them away',
er ...  last to arrive leads them away.
We found a well stocked foam esky behind a tree
somewhere, full of Furphys. On home, & everyone
latched onto some firewood to have a go at being a
pyro, & build the camp fire, very close to the "burnt
Hash tree" from years past - soon it was a roarer.
FOP had welcomes back for intrepid campers NORMAL
& MASTABAIT, back from FNQ, CHRIS CROS from
Noosa, DR DEATH from O.S. & the sickly SHAFTED
DONUTS from their death beds....... "They are piss pots
so they say ......." 
Sniffyc*nt runs for Katrina's 'lovely legs 11', & ROWDY's
somewhere in between 3 lovely legs.
Stand - in Screw PEBBLES, complete with headband
blindfold, gave the run a '13', for at last having a bush 
run & BBQ, even tho' it was up & down hills, but 
at least it was in the daylight, & we managed to dodge
all of the mineshafts.
Yet another Stand - in was Grogmaster PLUCKA.
Stand - in Sergeant BENT NOSE's 1st charge was for 
the absent DUMB & DUMBER - "you'll do PEBBLES",
- something (?) about crackers in the car upsetting
NUMMY
MOUNTIE charged 'little butterfly' BENT, for going 
arse over head with the kite launch, then REAR ENTRY
(feckin' hopeless) for not knowing the Yellow & Black 
theme song, & all the whingers complaining about the 
'away strip'....... "you're stupid ..... so feckin' dumb ....!!"
PLUCKA & THE BILL left their cars at 5 Ways, & had 
their personal chauffeur GLIDER drive them in. Not 
much light at the BBQ site - not even a 'candle lit' 
table for 2.
PEBBLES had 2 drinks - 1 for something (?) about no 
cars on Friday, another for the "blind going down 
on him".
MOUNTIE charged BHD for asking PLUCKA "was it 
come or cum" this way during the run, then BENT 
charged NORMAL - 1st for being Gay, then for trying 
to take over as soon as he got back from his trip.
DR DEATH got 2 drinks - 1 for the 'woody on the run', 
then the phone tucked in the sock at the Master's 
Games...... &, as all Doctors drink together .......... 
up you come ROWDY.
NORMAL then went into a whole epistle about the trip
away, just to give old mate MASTABAIT a drink. They'd
arranged to meet up down the track in a couple of hours.
MASTABAIT headed off 1st & should've been in front, 
but went the opposite direction, & finished up a 
couple of hours behind.
HEAD HUNTER, Katrina (or was that DONUTS?), & 
ROWDY had Birthday drinks, then "real" Religious
Advisor MOUNTIE took over the spotlight with a 
Christening for Katrina .... "enjoy the sex & running"
......... arise ..... NUT CRACKER.

Next week's run, SPARTACUS from somewhere -
TBA ... bet it's from the 'Office'.

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

25 - 9 -'17    Run 1843    Miner's Tavern

MOUNTIE's run from the "Office", that saw 19 starters, & 2
late comer's in the rear entry - REAR ENTRY & SILIC.
MOUNTIE said the run was like her - short & interesting, &
she had to re-set it, being so wet - still like her! Running 
along, she was heard to say "how big do you want it?", to
which ROWDY wiggled his little finger - she was talking
about the arrow marks.
MOUNTIE's "shorter" sister Terry (Claire in fact), delivered 
the drink-stop to the Civic Hall Car Park. 
SS was talking about his latest fish catch, & had his hands
about a foot apart, when PLUCKA chimed in " that's big,
does it get hard too?"
HEAD HUNTER hadn't heard of some of the large "Zarsoff" 
family - to name a few, there was Bluey, Rooty, Shaggy, 
Workty & Hash cousin Runny. 
PEBBLES in the past, began dating the lesser attractive
one of 2 sisters, & in a "romantic" moment, called her by
the name of the attractive one - reminds one of the 
"Rodeo Sex Position".
We retired back to the Office, to find the 3 bar flys ogling
over some of the partly dressed WAG's.
FOP had welcomes back for the 'almost well' SPARTACUS,
DIMWIT & RANDOLPH - enter HEAD HUNTER with "They're
the meanest ..... !!
REAR ENTRY had a drink for all sporting achievements 
over the weekend, but was challenged with the words of 
the Tiger's theme song - he did know the loud "Yellow
& Black" bit tho'. Could the problem have been BENT 
NOSE starting off in the wrong key? ...... "You're stupid,
...... so feckin' dumb".
Stand in Screw DAZED & CONFUSED said she always 
wanted to screw MOUNTIE, but the Rainbow Run is not
until next week. She said the run was well marked, but
too many on backs, hills & dark alleys, then gave it an
8.1, but of course, MOUNTIE thought it should've been
heaps more ....... S.H.I.T.T.Y. Trail .........!!
Another Stand-in, Sergeant BENT NOSE had charges
for MOUNTIE, PLUCKA (wag'ish), SILIC ( preggo Wag
look), & BAD HEAD JOB ( bow tie T Shirt).
DIMWIT took a drink for his idea of the "special sign" on
the run - he'd heard that 2 arrows together were pointing
to an on back, then PEBBLES gave him a 2nd for collecting 
phone numbers of the girls in the morning running group.
After last week's run, a friend of Grand Daughter Isabelle
said that Pop was nearly as smart as Isabelle - yeah, 
nearly as smart as a 12 year old - BENT NOSE, have a 
drink on ROWDY.
MOUNTIE charged SOS for thinking that HYMIE had 
been saying he (SOS) is 'Fit' - all the time it was 'Fat', then
Katrina was out the front for having her stitches on the 
outside - that's where she shows her 'pink bits' as well.
HEAD HUNTER & QUICK DICK are celebrating their 1st
Wedding Anniversary ( & it's still going - no wonder they
left early!!).
MOUNTIE charged HYMIE for having the leg "ink work"
to make him like the footballers, while ROWDY was 
sporting the "pull-ons".
NUMMY had a drink for her Crash Strip guernsey, SILIC
for no footy gear at all, then the current ranga RANDOLPH,
& ex-ranga BHD (shiny & grey!!) ....  & as all rangas .....!
There were a couple more charges in there somewhere
but, dunno........ got a bit busy!

Next week's run, ROWDY's Rainbow Run, 5 Ways or 
Nuggety Dam & BBQ.

REAR ENTRY thought that, by the look of the phone photos,
"there was a few still left in Cheryl". MOUNTIE thought that,
"as she herself, would be getting nil tonight, would Cheryl
be getting nil at Nhill" for her extra curricular appointment -
she is a great kisser !!

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

18 - 9 - '17    Run 1842   110 Pleasant St.

BENT NOSE's run from home, where actual Trail Master 
NUM NUM was stand-in Choir Master. 17 starters made the 
cut, with no need to wait for the usually late SHAFFY
HALF A BAR.
FOP welcomed new runner Isabelle (BP & BENT's Grand
Daughter & viola student), who instantly became 1 of the 8
walkers. BENT assured us all that it WAS a great run, but 
thanks to the precipitation .........!!
There was no horn, not even a stand-in, ( just "lowering 
the bar" a bit further), but NUMMY's question was "who's 
got a horn then?"
JITTERBUG came prepared to be a bar-fly, but there were
no other takers, or even a bar - had it been lowered?
The walkers went west to Russell St, then joined together
with the athletes, at the Crowny drink-stop - the take away
opposite the Bunch of Grapes. No bin for the empties, so
back in, together with the unopened ones.
Back in the garage, the nibbles, dips & lolly jar ( lovely 
bullets) circulated prior to the down downs.
FOP welcomed Isabelle to the BENT NOSE Extravaganza,
& her lemonade down down was 'under instruction' from BP.
Stand-in Screw ROWDY mentioned that the "usually anally
retentive, excessive compulsive" Hare had made no 
provision for the empty's, & the run was 'as tight as fish's
arse' - same as the Hare? NUMMY & ROWDY followed the
(non existent?) trail, but not the Hare. 
Score? Not silver, gold, 7, 8, 9, Elephant stamp - no, it got
a Fish stamp, then followed the S.H.I.T.T.Y trail.
Stand-in Sergeant, the Hare Himself, declared a miracle 
on the run - BP found an errant $5 note, that got a heap
of claimants.
DONUTS charged JITTERBUG for suggesting that it was
him in the photo of the Cum Shop, then GLIDER presented
JITTERBUG with her cake box (from last week) & a drink,
to everyone's chorus of "Feckin' get over last week GLIDER"
DUMB & DUMBER charged FOP for only looking at the 
cleavage in the photo of the Ladies Hash christening - he
didn't realize that it was his sister-in-law.
NUMMY charged GLIDER for beginning his 2nd 40 years
of Hash, then birthday boy FOP for being alive for 44 years.
SOS called out BENT as a 'shed drinker', having a heap of
grog labels on hand, then MOUNTIE charged 
DAZED & CONFUSED for splashing in a shicky on the run -
another stand-in, DONUTS drank up for her, in place of
the absent NORMAL
During the conversation of the Harriettes stradling the 
grave, PLUCKA had a drink for her question "Where is
HEAVY, is he in Ballarat?"
HALF A BAR wasn't even here, but at this point, Isabelle
was escorted inside, to escape any more 'language'.
FOP charged D&C for saying " PEBBLES didn't give me
a horn tonight!", then MOUNTIE to SOS for getting his
balls misaligned on the run - indeed, "did one drop?"
As numbers were down, ROWDY then gave everyone who
hadn't been charged, a drink.
About a dozen then ventured to the Pizza Shop for food,
& the obligatory "fain wain".

Next week's run, MOUNTIE's Brownlow Night at Miner's
or the Athletic - TBA.

Next week's, next week run, ROWDY's Rainbow Run at
5 Ways / Nuggety Dam - TBA. 

Monday, September 11, 2017

11 - 9 -'17     Run 1841   Bunch of Grapes

Love affair is back on - I'm voting Yes!!  6:30pm & I get 
the call - "they" want to pick me up.


GLIDER's '40th Year of Hash' run, & as FOP posted, "let's
celebrate the start of his next 40 years". 36 fronted up, even
Family - GLIDER's cousin BANDUNG BARRY from D & E.
FOP mentioned the lots of faces we haven't seen in a while,
then welcomed virgin runner Amy (from USA), who was 
made to cum by JITTERBUG.
GLIDER said the run was about 5.5k, & proceeded to hand
out 4 envelopes to the 'responsible' ones, to get started. 
PLUCKA's envelope was No1, & directed us to the 
'gates of hell' at St Pat's College - Father who?? TEFLON
was quickly out of the blocks, & maintained a good lead
with the aid of his 'glider wings'. After 'the gates', it was 
to the boat shed at the lake, on to the Western Pub, then
to the well stocked Drink-stop at FOP's place, helped 
along from the Pub by BANDUNG's intermittent call 
of 'slack arses'.
Back at the circle we almost ran out of grog in an instant,
welcoming Amy & BANDUNG, then welcomes back for
PAULINE, MOUNTIE, PUSBUCKET, BP, BENT NOSE
EXIT, CRUTCHLESS, BAR LICKER, SOS, HYMEN
FASCINATOR.   PUSBUCKET missed the call, eventually
walking in with a handful of beers, to the tune of 'Him,
him, feck him'.
Screw FASCINATOR (no stand-in there FOP), said the 
start of the run was 'interesting', with the 4 envelope
start. CHRIS CROS & BHD were late to 'the gates', 
( I hung back thinking that Father might have been 
lurking!!). Anyway, FASCINATOR said it turned out
to be a fantastic run, with a Fascination Level of 45 ........
....... S.H.I.T.T.Y trail etc.
Here's your stand-in .... Sergeant BENT NOSE's 1st
was the smurf charge for SOS & HYMIE, but of course
they're not old enough to remember. HYMIE was straight
back with a charge (?) for  BENT that brought out the
'Your stupid .... so fecking dumb' song.
BENT then charged EXIT & BANDUNG for their part in
setting the run, & SILIC for saying that he would actually
be 'going for a walk'.
FOP called out REAR ENTRY for the Richmond win, then
BANDUNG charged SOS for his ridiculous hairstyle (that
BHD is gonna' get next time!!).
EXIT was charged for 'bending over & shoe tying' right at
the moment SS strolled by - totally oblivious of the 'chance
he'd missed'.
FOP charged JITTERBUG for driving off last week with the
book in hand, then BENT to Amy for all the things she 
claimed she knew about OZ, but not the 'Drop Bears'.
TEFLON took a charge for having a 'Yankee' (Amy) in 
place, seeing as we have just gotten' rid of the other
one, GILF for a while.
SHAFFY charged BAR LICKER for having a 'spotted'
top on, & standing back not wanting to be 'spotted', then
Grog Master CRUTCHLESS was made to drink a 'full' glass,
seeing as she'd only been giving us 'halves'. 
BAR LICKER gave HALF A BAR, REAR ENTRY, SILIC
& SHAFTED the horse charge, then was charged herself,
for admitting that the shearer had been 'in & out' at least 
20 times while they were away. 
Then ROWDY had a charge (?) for FOP, & GLIDER to
JITTERBUG for the Cake Knife (?) or some-et, & a few
charged for GLIDER dress-ups - BP, Katrina & D&C.......!

The Bar & Kitchen were obviously overwhelmed by the
huge Monday night roll-up - much waiting by many!!!

It's a pity we didn't have a candle to top off the 'romantic
crustacean-less dinner table' for PLUCKA & THE BILL.

Next week's run - Hare BENT NOSE, 110 Pleasant St. Sth.   





Monday, September 4, 2017

4 - 9 -'17   Run 1840  103 Cuthbert's Rd

The recently retired NUM NUM "stepped up to stand-in" for
the "Lower the Bar, stand-in, stand-in Hash", for a very
chilly run/walk round the streets of Alfredton.
FOP thanked NUMMY for taking the place of the ailing
SPARTACUS (but is he really only love-sick for his beloved
PUSBUCKET?), then welcomed back from OS travels,
HEAD HUNTER & QUICK DICK.
NUMMY told us the run was close to 5k's, with a couple
of On-backs, & 'pretty flat'. 16 starters tonight (7 walkers)
& the 'late' HALF A BAR made the 17 total.
SHAFTED was 1st back to the drink-stop, claiming he'd 
shown everyone a clean pair of heels.
FOP gave NUMMY the 'stand-in Hare' drink, then TEFLON
for run No 96 (opposite of 69), welcomes back to 
HEAD HUNTER & QUICK DICK, then DUMB & DUMBER for 
the 'old man' scaling the ladder to fire up the party lights.
Stand-in Screw PEBBLES gave the run a 'Silver Star' 
for being short & sharp, with 'no hills'.
Stand-in Sergeant SHAFTED's 1st charge was for PEBBLES
when he came to a T intersection, saying, " we'll turn the
corner here".... to the tune of "You're stupid, you're stupid".
HEAD HUNTER & QUICK DICK visited Hash in Oslo, & as 
they are from down-under these days, had to stand on their
heads for down downs. HEAD HUNTER was quick to give
us a demo, with legs in the air, but then the thought was,
"do we have to pour it in now from the bottom end?"
SHAFFY called out GLIDER, THE BILL & SS as the 
septagenarians of Ballarat Hash, with 120 yrs of Hash
between them, but no charge, then NUM charged DUMB
for the gear he turned himself out in tonight.
SHAFTED then wanted DUMBER to explain why the new
area was called 'Lucarse', & THE BILL came in to explain
about the 'Lucas Girls', & being the place where he'd met
the bride.
D & C took a charge for the 'fasting' Katrina, & why didn't
anyone want to take her home from Hash last week?
DUMBER charged PEBBLES for his touchy / feely text 
about the nice swans & lovely fluffy little cygnets around 
the lake, then FOP had a cryptic charge for all the Hash
Ladies, not having any idea about carrying round
'heavy / unused bags'  ...... boom boom!! 
NUMMY congratulated GLIDER for his 40 years of
Hashing, & that 'irreverant' HEAD HUNTER immediately
reached for the song sheet, to chant the "Him, him .....
...... feck him", then DUMBER charged D & C for the 
spelling of Shitty Trail ... (or whatever!!).
FOP had a charge for SHAFTED, (with the bread roll
pulled down over the top of his stubby) ......... 
said "it reminds me of the brothers at Catholic
Primary saying, put your mouth around this".
The circle disbanded with another Dad Gag ..... What's
a dog with wings called? ......... Linda McCartney.

Next weeks run - GLIDER's from Bunch of Grapes.

Thanks to stand-in Hare NUMMY, for the stand-in venue, 
& the great stand-in food. Pasta, curry, rice, 
quiche, rolls & a 1 foot high creamed sponge.

Monday, August 21, 2017

21 - 8 -'17      Run 1838     Buninyong Pub

So it's 6:20pm & I'm waiting at the front door, "They'll be here 
shortly, a bit further to Buninyong & REAR ENTRY said at the 
weekend, we'll pick you up". 6:30, 35, 40 ... 6:45, haven't heard, 
so I go in my car. Tuesday 9:30am, REARY phones to say 
"he's not picking me up".

It's farkin' Tommy HALF A farkin' BAR's run from the farkin'
Bunny Pub !! Hash 20 front up - runners head off & walkers
chauffered up the hill in DUMB & DUMBER's bus. Guinness
is on tap for the bar flys, & soon DUMBER is worried about 
stragglers, so decides to take the bus back up the hill, 
in search.
The Drink-stop & Circle were at PENNY FARTHING's (palace),
& a welcome catch up for all, with her.
FOP had welcomes back for HER VAGESTY, PENNY 
FARTHING, FERGIE & DONUTS.
Stand in Screw was DAZED & CONFUSED, who said she had 
waited 50 years to 'screw' HALF A BAR. It was a trail-less run,
tho' H a B said "he'd spent 30 farkin' $s on lime". The run was 
all downhill, but they said he'd been going downhill, for a 
long time ........ S.H.I.T.T.Y. Trail ...... !!
Sergeant SPENCER HOCKING charged HALF A BAR for such
a lack of trail marks, if he did spend $30, then JITTERBUG's 
50c box of chalk was produced, that would do the same job.
The large box of rainbow came out for JITTERBUG ...........
..... you oughta be publicly .....!! Arrggghh.
D&C had a drink for the HALF A BAR screw being quick &
painless, & in NORMAL's absence, DONUTS had to take 
her drink.
HALF A BAR had a drink for 1888 (?) & the invention of the 
adding machine, then for 1838 & William Yuille. The words
'balla...rat' didn't actually mean 'resting place' after all, it was
what Yuille said to the aboriginals ..... 'fark off ' ....... "you're
stupid, you're really farkin' dumb..... etc.
CHRIS CROS charged TEFLON for being as slippey as
John Ibrahim with his secret passage out of the mansion,
but then of course, it became a rebound, 'cos on TEFLON,
no charge is going to stick.
JITTERBUG had a drink for her 'key to the door run' - 21st,
then BAR LICKER & D&C for ..... whatever??
SPENCE went on to charge HALF A BAR on the question 
of 21 being the digit sum of 3, which is the square root of 9,
which is the square root of 81, which is the digit sum of 9,
which is the square of 3 ..... ad naus!!
Katrina had to front up for having no Hash Gear, but at least
she was showing off her 'pink bits'.
FERGIE charged NUMMY for something about the snowman
having no balls, then DONUTS was charged (?), then 
BAD HEAD JOB (is there such a thing??) charged for the 
photo of the black lady in Rwanda with the umbrella on her 
head.

Next weeks run - 1839, Hare FANG, On On - Athletic Club
Brewery, On After - Top Eureka.

Scribe is out (up to you BENT) - back for 1840, 4th Sept.

Monday, August 14, 2017

14 - 8 -'17     Run 1837       North Britain

ROAD RUNNER's run, that he described as magnificent with 
a few on-backs, & a good Drink Stop. The Hash 30 turned up -
10 bar flys, 8 walkers & the rest , super athletes, with the 
Crowny Drink Stop under the usual shop veranda.
At the circle, FOP welcomed back NUM & DUMB, CANDIDA,
ROAD RUNNER, ROWDY, CHRIS CROS & FASCINATOR.
Time for the Screw, & FASCINATOR thinks ROAD RUNNER
is tighter than a Scottish Lass. They left the Britain with great
optimism, only to realize the Hare had REAR ENTRY-ed the 
run, being stingy with the chalk. The Fascination Level only
reached 4.9, & that received the "You're stupid .... wasn't for 
your Mother" chant.
Sergeant SPENCE's 1st charge was the "not all about you" 
for PEBBLES & his 434 run.
NUM & DUMB had a drink for returning from The Cape (& with
the Cooktown Hash shirt), and NORMAL & MASTABAIT for 
going to The Cape. MASTABAIT had his gear stolen last week,
& this week it's NORMAL's dilemma, with the 'smashed $600
tail-light from the security door' debacle.
FOP charged REAR ENTRY for not wanting a ticket to the 
game at Geelong, 'in case the Tigers might lose', & DIMWIT 
had a charge for PEBBLES, talking about black vulvas  
(volvos) at Hash.
BENT NOSE charged the recently returned ROWDY for 
taking a month to walk across North Britain, & as BENT 
demonstrated, it only takes 5 seconds to stride across the
paving at (the) North Britain, & as all Doctors drink together,
enter DR DEATH.
GLIDER charged CANDIDA for the 'School Marm effect' -
reigning in ROAD RUNNER's use of the chalk.
DUMBER had a charge for the 2 Nash Hash Reps, SPENCER
HOCKING & SPARTACUS, for his having to drive 9,000 K's
to retrieve the glasses.
ROWDY gave DIMWIT 2 drinks, for saying hello to HEAVY
at SHAFTED's office, & then telling the 'piano down the 
mineshaft .... A flat miner' gag.  Your stupid, your stupid.. etc.
DIMWIT retaliated, charging ROWDY for 'never trust a Dr',
especially as ROWDY was leading on the run, & as all 
Doctors ....... have another drink DR DEATH
BENT NOSE had some charge (?) for DIMWIT, then all 
Magpie supporters drank together, PEBBLES, DR DEATH
SHAFTED. Where were CHRIS CROS & ROWDY?
ROWDY charged JITTERBUG & CANDIDA for the 'Clitterbug
known as candida'.

Next weeks run - 1838 - HALF A BAR at the Buninyong Pub.
Just wait for a FOP email at about 6:30 on Monday.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

7 - 8 -'17        Run 1836      City Oval Pub

DR DEATH was the (virgin) hare for, as the GM said, "an
intimate quorum", & I'm sure it's some time since the good 
Dr was a virgin as well. He said how the run was about 6km, 
would go past some stately homes & along laneways.
9 bar flys were left to quench thirsts, while 7 or 8 walkers
& 5 (only) super athletes took to the track. Seems there was 
no way of BENT NOSE being a starter, having already had 
his last night as stand in scribe - oh well, just have to unpick 
his name from the jacket, & then bat on.
The Drink Stop & Circle were at the Ballarat Football Club
social rooms, where JITTERBUG wanted to know if 
DR DEATH came in the back door - REAR ENTRY.
HALF A BAR looked like he'd been "mulesed" on the ear,
& BAR LICKER assured us that it wasn't by her.
At the circle, GM FOP welcomed back BAR LICKER
HARD ON, DRIBBLES & BHD.
Stand in Screw PEBBLES, thought it was a good run, up & 
down laneways, he was reminded 4 blocks early about
the position of the Drink Stop, & it deserved a Bronze Award.
In HEAD HUNTER's absence, enough remembered the words
to "Shitty Trail".
NORMAL was Stand in Sergeant (where the hell is this 
Committee Grand Master??), & called out FOP for something
about "where had he been for the last 25 years?"
MASTABAIT had a drink (donated by Old Mate NORMAL) for
having the camping gear knocked off, from the roof of his car,
post-poning the Cape York trip.
GLIDER gave D&C the Betty Cuthbert drink, but of course,
that became NORMAL's, then DIMWIT was summoned for a
gag, & recited the "Ur a pee en" line.
Katrina, D&C, PEBBLES, THE BILL & DIMWIT drank together
as the running team. Was Katrina "pulling up" or "pulling off"
when D&C fell flat & where was the happy ending?
SS charged PEBBLES for screwing DR DEATH, without
mentioning the term "virgin".
FOP's "funniest charge of all time" was about BAR LICKER
wearing the SILIC Bulldogs T Shirt to bed. HALF A BAR
claimed that there was "no f*ckin' romance" in the cot that 
night, 'cos "I'm not f*ckin' having sex with f*ckin' SILIC
watchin' ". SILIC had a drink at the same time.
NORMAL charged DRIBBLES for coming back to Ballarat's
cold weather after living in Queensland.
HALF A BAR  said Katrina wasn't right in the head, for 
coming to Hash thinking she'd get a f*ckin' root from a 
good looking bloke.

Next week's run - North Brittain (isn't that where SPENCER
HOCKING & ROAD RUNNER went for the run tonight?).

How did we miss 1836 & the birth of Thomas Crapper of 
Water Closet fame?