Friday, May 30, 2014

Run 1664 26/5/14 Miller's Arms Hotel Hare: Lil Evil

LITTLE EVIL’s local is a Cosy little Pub style Pub, Very close to his home. On site BBQ and outdoor area all set with a warm welcome from mine Hosts Darryl and Sue.

First gallop directly to LITTLE EVIL’s 707 flipped to LOL, across the road to his driveway for the first drink stop of Malibu shooters.  The runners couldn’t run out of sight on the dark night it was odd that even the walkers caught on.

Then ZIGGing and ZAGGing as good AUSSIE runs tend to do, toward the railway workshops to a Halt on the other side of a north bound freight train. Up a dead end path and back we found trail along the line and short stepping sleeper to sleepers like TRAINING for TRACK and field up to Howitt, shittin’ bricks as we ran past Sell Kirks into Midlands, ran up Paling into Insignificance. Down past Taxi Shell, Golf House ZIGGing and ZAGGing again up hill to Ligar and on to DS exploring in back yard of Office. 

The lined shed provided the up close and personal accoustics for the preliminary  performance of HEAVY’s Absentee Screw song for LITTLE EVIL to the tune of EVILS PRESLEY’s “In The Ghetto” With back up hum drum by DUM, “On a cold and grey Kalgoorlie morn a poor little Foster child was born….In Kalgoorlie…...and his father cried!...... Bought a bag, stole a bong, started to sing a loud rap song.  And his father cries!!....Hash crowd gathers round a rapping young man, Rubber prick in his hand and his pants half downLITTLE EVIL.  ON HOME to MUMMY’S ARMS.

Welcomes Backs to SOS, HYMEN, and BAR LIQUOR (Scotching the vicious rumours that she had deserted) and Welcome also to NEW runner, her very precious verry herry YETI son JOHN fresh with financial news from our Nation’s Capital, (he tried to remove his Canberra taint but couldn’t Budget).
Sniffy cnt runs was 350 NUMMY, another drink for BAR LIQUOR, 21 today, 21 today, and KAROL with a K racking up one more than a rack (3). Joint GMs drank as the BILLY GOAT wrote 1225 in the book and SHAFTED was the Little Shotgun, 410.

ROWDY the random screwer did his job on the run, BENT LITTLE EVIL over and gave him the Doctor’s Thumbs Up!  Then hinting his off the rails antics seemed on track again for a respectable score of 8/10!
Our Travelling Willbury, Seargent Spence sent word;

Well it's all right, riding around in the breeze
Well it's all right, if you live the life you please
Well it's all right, doing the best you can
Well it's all right, as long as BOOT can lend a hand.
Well it's all right, even if you're old and grey
Well it's all right, as long as you’ve got someone to lay
Well it's all right, the best I can do is forgive you
Well it's all right, were going to the end of the line

RAT’S ARSE was heard to have suffered a SPENCE-like elbow injury and as she was in DIRE STRAITS, BOOT was there LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL and said IB 60, UB40 lets have some RED RED WINE, were going to the end of the line.

THE BILL noted that stand-in SEARGENT BOOT seemed to cop most of the charges himself and they lamented that if it wasn’t too high to eat grass the lawn wouldn’t need mowing.

MRS D let HALF A BAR’s sheep out when she took a fence at not being included in the definition of pretty girls, (FLUID with a K) that came together late to the Drink Stop! They were last in but could have been first served.

Next Week’s Run stays in the Family Fostering Goodwill with Harmony, HEAVY’S @ ONE HUNT 

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

RUN 1663: 3 Albion Street Golden Point Hare: Criss Cross 19 May 2014

Golden Point, Albion Street is located on the western slope with the alluvial gold field of White Flat along the Yarrowee Creek and Sovereign Hill on the top of the Whitehorse Range to the east.  We met and prepared under the repaired carport.

GLIDER is seems was the only one amongst us that took seriously last week’s flippant suggestion that CRISS CROSS’S run should be a cross dressing affair. So like Bridget Jones turning up in a playboy bunny suit, he attended in a cutesy netball skirt (definitely not a candidate for the knicker less netball team that attends Black Tie Nights). His curly black head merkin was very reminiscent of a PRECIOUS mop.
The run, as per last year, headed ON ON over the precipice of the dead end street down toward the creek then right back toward the east over Gnarls Barkly Street up Brad Shaw past the bowling club to Bill Laurie Boulevard, Gladstone Small Street into the lower reaches of the Peady Street Reserve where BAD HAIR DAY takes his dog. ROWDY and PEBBLES were overheard talking bird shit about pies on their way up to Magpie Street.

At Sovereign Hill CRISS CROSS confused himself on his own run, as an educator who lost his way he lead us toward to the brink of “STUDENT ENTRY” and then pulled out before it was too late. (The Comfort Inn and Student Entry signs are surely too close together.)  He claimed to be so smart he outsmarted himself but it could be that even a fool can fool a fool.

ON to the ample Drink Stop where you marvel at the ease of Bree’s because you can’t trust British paint’s anymore (they knew of Rolf’s behavioural trait but brushed over it).

What a great view from atop Golden Point over the lights of City and the flats of Ballarat East.  ROWDY religiously recognised many church steeples, something he aspires to.  MOUNTY said would have liked to have seen a big deck out the back, PEBBLES set off running but stepped on it and tripped.  ON home to lovely soup and croutons, a table a girl could re-lie on and a warming mini fire.

Welcomes Back to FASCINATOR, PEBBLES and timely return of Christmas Carol.

BEER FUCK couldn’t screw the run because he missed it. Arrived late, went to get beer from the Grapes, tried to catch runners, badly sprained his ankle, limped back to home and grilled Two Dix on Drink Stop location. Drove to Magpie Street, couldn’t find the pack, drove back. Another nominee for an award to rival FMs locked key in car sequence of events with NORMAL. He had to run (LIMP) and get his reading glasses as he had been booked for the gig of chorus reinforcement for the Criss Cross song about folking bikes on the top of his car meeting with his carport, twice! – set to Melanie Safka’s famous folk song. Mountie even picked up on the visual hint about the line “Some people say that I run like a girl”. He now rides Two Dix but has been known to fall off.

BENT slipped in to Sergeanting the soirée. DUMB and DUMBER was reunited with his infamous Doggy Bowl Down Down
MRS D, LOIS, BP, FM, MOUNTIE got into PMT girls gabble, something about a trivial win or my klun win. They won one once again with their trivial pursuit.

NUMMY has a vestigial Harris on an email address so she took the down downs for British paints and for tying kangaroos down.

The fortnightly appearance of SILENT NIGHT (claimed to be the only Carol NORMAL knows) was inadvertently described as coming twice a week on not so silent nights.  SOS, it was told, had the flu so Little Boy Blue didn’t come blow his Horn. He may have come had he known there might be a possible TRADESMANS ENTRANCE.

Before we wandered to the Top Eureka for ON AFTERS it was announced that,

Next Week’s Run is LIL EVIL at the Arry Millers Arms Otel on the corner of Doveton and Howard.

Saturday, May 17, 2014

RUN 1662: Civic Hall Car Park Hare: Glider 12 May 2014

WOW!  The Civic Hall!  A yellow brick monument of 1960s architecture.  We and a few others saw ACDC launch on their trajectory to fame and glory. After locking the locals out the Civic Hall has in recent years become an icon of council indecision and their incapacity to manage much more than another roundabout.

Instead of the welcoming hot soup in Mair Street, Glider recommended the all-weather underground car park out the back.  He supplied civic infrastructure consisting of a fold out table out the back of his Volvo Hatch. 

Some of our number were willing to sacrifice their exercise time and were sending off a barman buddy, Max, who has probably poured most of us an ale or two over the years at the Turf Club, Golf House, and of course at JDs (often hosting Hash). Bye Max.

A well set little run and walk marked with chook foot flour headed up to Soldiers Hill and into Ballarat North with cross over trails where walkers were lured into running a bit and runners languished into walking a bit.  All trails led back through another underground car park at Bunnings and on to the Drink Stop and warm reception in the warm reception area of Rutile Glitch.

BAD HAIR DAY (not BENT) had a meritorious palindromic run mirror imaged in several planes, 818. (aka two fat ladies with only one dil to do between them).

Another stray screw was required for GLIDER and GILF being WHISKED away to WOGGA, Her Horny House inHabitant, FLUID MOVEMENT was Heralded. She was immediately WRITHING and we all started BREATHING HEAVY as we anticipated another vigorous bodily actioned screw like NUMMY’s BALL ROOM BLITZ on The BILL last week.  It was however, more like the twisting of Rolf’s daughter’s friend trying to avoid Jake the Peg’s Extra Leg. She never knew what sexual Harris meant!

So, the path was duly described and GLIDER was nominated for gentleman of the year and thanked profusely by all for the run and for bringing the fold-out table from which the Grog Master/Mistress cum Screw would able to serve copious down downs (but it would never hold 2 bodies or even prop up a little ladies bod at just the right height).

Unfortunately there was no back to back Christmas Carol and we had to make do with another parody from Paraburdoo.  Heavy re-set the words of UB70’s song, Red Red Wine, going to his head and tearing him apart and breaking his Vol-vo heart.  All this to reflect gorgeous GLIDER’s grape grinding games and the infinite bottles of Red Nectar he has on hand. Nothing about him getting a kick out of breeding cattle? The sound engineer had selected an acoustically comfortable corner of the car park and the throng altho thung enthuthiathtically.

Those involved in the nearby CFA drill were seen swaying to the musical melody.  They wouldn’t leave until THE BILL turned off his flashing blue light. Apparently flashing in the library car-park it is inappropriate?
Seargeant SPENCE informed that he is pissing off for a while. Going off with some happy campers, including MASTABAIT, ROADRUNNER (who wouldn’t attend another meeting involving the Civic Hall), and the dynamic duo, SILIC and REAR ENTRY. SPENCE expressed concerns they might come back with one less. (Too late methinks).

ROWDY submitted a convincing verbal application for the relief position, announcing like a true MC the arrival of Willoughby Anzac Reims (WAR) Dumb’s latest grandson out of Jess. Going on with espousing the taking up of spouses by kid’s of SPENCE and BAIT. Mounty also made application by warbling in wake affected words something about another relatively new arrival.

Before we wandered to the Top Eureka for ON AFTERS, FM confessed she was missing SOS’s Horn and wanted her name emblazoned on it. We are hoping Little Boy Blue will come blow his Horn at……

Next Week’s Run; CRISS CROSS, who has such a long way to go, to make it to the Border of Mexico Riding Like the Wind on his new bike.  Where? Sounded like Free LBN Street, Golden Point.  See youse there just after Half Sicks.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Royal Peninsula AGM

RUN 1661: Battler’s Tavern Hare: The Billy Goat 5 May 2014

The Baton was passed to THE BILL for his run as a warmer-upper for his GM input in the shared reign of Sovereign Hash, GOLD and COPPER.  BENT KNOWS insistently persistently pedantically maintained the baton was in fact a truncheon but who passes a truncheon? (They pass a conch in BAITS favourite book Lord of the Flies which he now knows is not Lord of the Rings). 

Having gotten over their tummy aches some youth returned. That and the added attraction of a female first timer, a good group of vibrant athletic types set off on the BILL’S run.  Down along Main Road and up along the creek - back to the Town and City Missionary position. (How Far King Street?) – Up the hill past Australia Felix and Eureka Street where MOUNTY pointed out it seemed wrong for a trooper to wander near the site of the rebellion against unjust institutionalised licence fees that were a disincentive to individual entrepreneurial endeavours to join the pursuit of GOLD. (That seems like and a celebration of capitalism, did some mob hijack the flag?) There was however soothing harmony in the musical notes on the iron fence on the opposite corner!  Rimming the REAR ENTRY of ST Alipius, almost to DUMB and NUMS, drink stop in the car boot (the body was gone) behind the former OOMPH RAY St School. Feet/hands/swollen glands on Buggery Hill led by the queer master.  On in to the Tavern.

The BILL looked both dignified and official in his blue light Bobby Hat lauding over those on his beat.  He ruled as hard as an IRON ROD smashing down on dissenters with his Baton/Truncheon/Waddy (nice pet name that). He revelled in his task of formally welcoming the nubile NEWRUNNER CAROL. Is it Christmas?

NUMMY however was nominated for the task of screwing the BILL. After initially rolling her eyes she threw herself feverishly into the mission (ary position) and ground away on the Billy Goat who went cross-eyed with his tongue hanging out. He thought all his Christnum’s had cum at once.  It’s easy to imagine what DUMB sees IN NUM and what a lot of us would like to see in NUM.

Again, all the way from Paraburdoo, came HEAVY’S harmonic guidance led in with the whistling intro to the tune of “BILLY DON’T BE A HERO” re-worded to reflect insightful understanding, compassion and respect of the definitive character of our BELOVED BILL.  Like good hasheroos, the hole (sic) crew joined in the chorus.

Seargeant SPENCE allowed NNNORMAL to take the floor.  For once enthralling, he read from his new book, “COMEDY of ERRORS” that he saw fit to Dick Tate to his Thai pissed at work. FLUID MOVEMENT as the central character was a bit rusty last week after her absence, and with the added excitement of grog master duties, she nervously resorted to her old “Man Trap” (in this case her “Old Man Trap”) trick of locking the keys in the car. (The same trick successfully employed by SILIC’NT on BEIJING JULIE some years ago at a DONUT run). NORMAL was the reluctant Knight in Shining Umm Err as supporter and first hand witness to the string of stuff-ups, perhaps the title should be “The Dumino effect”.

FLUID MOVEMENT also got her 100th run Pewter mug that the BILL salubriously slipped in without fuss or fanfare.  SOS still finds it Hard to LET GO of control, criticising the BILLS presentation skills for a job that, like his fly, he had left half undone.

Looks like No Hard Feelings with PUSS and SPARTACUS having make-up drinks with P-WIT PHIL in his new position with OLD COL. 

BIGGSYMIST his drink so was pinged with the last Down Down.  All thanked him and the MISSUS later for their warm, welcoming, hospitality and recommended he consider doing it for a living.

Next week GLIDER of the Lillies @ Rear undercover car park CIVIC HALL   What Time? Sick Dirty

Saturday, May 3, 2014

RUN 1660: 11 Park Street Hare: Mrs Dickhead and major minors, 28 April 2014

After finding a street park in Park Street between the wheeely buns, we headed out back of the house to the cosy shed then off we set on run 1660……around the streets of Newington and with another visit to Vic Park fringe without dwelling too long. So close to Beer Fkucs but no stop at as the party is over!
Back home to the Heaters where REAR ENTRY had relationship troubles and couldn’t reunite the Gas Bottle and the BBQ.  SPENCE sorted it all as he found the Bottle and the BBQ were both young boys and he got them successfully connected.

Welcomes Back to FLUID MOVEMENT after a month AWOL she didn’t understand Anzac day and spent all Autumn figuring how we May have a March in April.  No BP or BENT in their patch despite all efforts to have the run starting on their side of Pleasant Street.

In the absence of the regular SCREW, ROWDY gladly volunteered to do the deed for Mrs D.  High in praise was he, nice tight run around the rim of residential area, a little bush, park, back lanes, to the ample drink stop in the Wagon, definitely not on the Wagon.  from ample Mrs D.  Indeed, why the BOTOX in the lips?  Facts are harder to believe than fiction…..Mrs D had a fight with a Chihuahua which had BITTEN her lip while she was setting the Run. Mrs D reckons, “You should have seen the Chihuahua.”

After the drink stop DUMB tried to abscond with Mrs D’s car keys thinking he’d taken the key to her chastity belt nonny nonny, chastity belt nonny nonny (and not knowing a locksmith he was thinking outside the box).

The other song, the other song!  Arriving by airmail in the form of a paper plane all the way from Paraburdoo were HEAVY’S  lyrics by which to screw;  “I’M MRS DICKHEAD” to the tune of “I AM WOMAN”
…… “Oh yes I am wise, And I can be a pain

But I was born a teacher and have superior brain”………If I don’t have to, I won’t do anything……..I am Strong (Strong) I am Invincible (Invincible) I’m Mrs Dickhead (wooooooooo).  
Imagine the Back-up echoes CHOOK warbled in a KIWI accent by BIRD, LOIS LANE, we thought the song a hit and likely to take-off until the rendition was rendered flightless.

Seargeant SPENCE stepped up to head proceedings;      -Recalling the pleasured droolings of the perveyors of last week’s Stick books. Wondering why BAIT complained about the Blacking out of the cocks and hearing that REAR ENTRY’s Icing on the Cake turned out to be a Soft Serve. He was allowed a lolly water beer down down.  His mate SILIC’s correct ID of the Wall-nuts showed that he’s still got it.    BOOTROOTER and PUSS BUCKET returned, arm in arm, glassy eyed from a session together (the Pub, not the Park surely, though still enough to make a Gladiator jealous)

FLUID MOVEMENT was made to drink the remainder of the crap lolly water beer DOWN DOWNS along with NORMAL to make sure they, as Joint GROGMASTERS, get a more proper beer next time.

Next week The BILL@BATTLERS with BOOZE By BIGGS (pre-paid for as his credit’s cracked)