Monday, May 28, 2018

28 - 5 - '18     Run 1881     Queen's Head

The stand-in Choirmaster FASCINATOR called the reverEnce
to get the CHRIS CROS night up & 'running', & there 
'mustabeen' what's become the Hash 38.
GM PEBBLES welcomed new runner to the Mighty Sovereign
Hash - FAR-KING after a 30+ year Hash lay off in Qld.
CHRIS CROS mentioned the chalk, flour & "BP's got the Drink
stop key", then sent 16 superb athletes on their way, further
out into the East. At one of the Black Hill stops, under a 
brilliant full moon, someone said " the looneys will be out 
tonight" & just then FASCINATOR started yelling, just to 
prove it !! SHAFTED thought he'd be a short cutting 'c' around
Black Hill, of course not to be seen until his late arrival at the
Drink-stop. There were vivid memories of a lost Foster Bro', &
so began the mini search. NORMAL was still away, so there 
was beer to spare after the Drink-stop.
Back at the Pub, FASCINATOR led us all to the Beer Garden
for the circle, where PEBBLES gave FAR-KING a welcome
drink, & welcomes back for EXIT & FASCINATOR.
MOUNTIE began her CHRIS CROS screw, saying about the 
run in the East, the circle in the Beer Garden, & it's been a
while since the Queen's (given) Head. Also, it's obvious that
we've been banned from Platypus Drive. CHRIS CROS got 
2 Drive mags, no photo with the broken bike on the roof rack,
& then the limerick. 
                               (Shitty trail .......... ).
Sergeant SHAFFY was still a bit steamed up & sweaty after
his big run, & started with a charge for the Bali (licker) Girls
D&C and NUTCRACKER, then about NUTCRACKER's gash,
followed by the special limerick, & HALF A BAR joined in to
make the 3 silver birches (at the tree).
             ........ a very convoluted (Bad, bad ......... ).
ROWDY had a charge for NUTCRACKER's bikini top ......
& "what's sarong with that?"
                              (She's alright ......... ).
CHRIS CROS charged REAR ENTRY for Richmond's "Kingy"
being back out on the street, MRS DICKHEAD charged 
GLIDER for being the oldest c*nt but absent on Heritage 
Weekend, & ROWDY to MOUNTIE as the Irish Abortionist.
                      (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ..... ). 
Sniffyc*nt runs were REAR ENTRY 600 (750 by next week?),
ROWDY 1150, HER VAG ??, PRECIOUS 169, NUMMY 525 &
CHRIS CROS 969.
                               (Get a life ....).
BITCHFACE had been at the Western again & saw some old
blokes (thought they were from Hash) & it turned out to be 
MASTABAIT, who in turn said "who's BITCHFACE?"
DUMBER had SHAFTED out for making everyone panic & 
thinking the worst, D&C to DONUTS for the big donuts that
the little kids in Bali had, & ROWDY had a drink for having to
guess the colour of the BITCHFACE top.
MRS D reckoned CHRIS CROS had lost his chalk supply
since retiring, making him raid TWO DICKS' pantry for the 
flour, then MOUNTIE charged SHAFTED for getting lost, &  
cumming as a 3'some.
SHAFFY talked about the magic mushrooms at Warrenheip,
& produced a large one with a bite missing - that's why he
got lost !!
ROWDY charged Richy for his favourite income as 
"swallow in(g)come", then DIMWIT's "Wally in stripes" -
doesn't want to get spotted !!
SHAFFY produced the ball he'd found on the run - was it
SILIC's other?         ( You're dumb ...... ).
LOIS LANE had REARY out for saying "what a great run",
when he didn't & never does.
                  ( You're dumb dumb dumb dumd dumb).
To empty the last down downs, ROWDY had all the "ing's"
out - FAR-King, drink-ing, wank-ing, cumm-ing et al.
Plenty of noise followed from the 2 long tables in the Dining 
Room, making sure the Ballet Girls on the next table were
soon to disperse.
Next week's run - 1882 - Hare BEERFUCK from the 
                                          Brewery Tap.

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

21 - 5 - '18        Run 1880       City Oval

SPARTACUS - Hare for the Lion's Den run with the Hash 38.
PEBBLES called the reverance, closely followed by the very
sweary QUICKDICK - (HEAD HUNTER used to get loud 
occasionally !!). Welcome's back were for HOTLIPS
SQUIZZY & Paul Bearer.
SPARTACUS said the run was marked in pink paint, & to 
stay on trail. We'd probably have to help the Redan Girls at
training, then go past the prestigious real estate of the West.
We revisited a few of the night cart lanes, then a circuit of the
Western Oval, with not a lot of trail to that point, & none after 
the end of Russell St. Over to the lake & back to the 
Drink-stop on the stair well of the Grand Stand.
Back at the Circle PEBBLES firstly called out the welcome's
backers.               (Here's to the returners ..... ).
Screw MOUNTIE needed to get in early to screw SPARTACUS
before PUSBUCKET was there lurking. She said "What a pity
we're not at a pub", seeing as she had her brand new Senior's
Card. Of the trail, she said there was 1 On Back, bugger all 
marks & everyone calling "Where's trail?". Then came the 
Drive mag & limerick, & that's when SHAFFY was on his 
knees at crutch level in front of HEAD HUNTER.
                               (Shitty Trail ..... ).
DONUTS was stand-in for the Grogmaster while she swans 
around in Bali with the Religious Adviser & the other 
Aussies, behaving badly in her Bintang singlet.
SHAFFY had spent the weekend at the coast for the 
sister-in-law & others to do the various runs, & when they 
asked "which one are you doing?" he said, "I'll just do Deb". 
SPARTACUS, PUSBUCKET & MOUNTIE were up next with
half a pumpkin, as Peter the Pumpkin Eater, & SPARTACUS
stayed out for his first "car" - a chariot.
                                (Swing low ..... ).
Sniffyc*nt runs were HALF A BAR 1137 & 
                                    HEAD HUNTER 'old 55'.
                     (This is your down down song ........).
NUM & DUMB went to the football & Carlton touched the ball
once, & that's when DUMB said " that's how they do it" - 
(maybe that's meant to be a question).
ROWDY charged MOUNTIE for being like Duchess Meghan & 
"just wanting to fuck the Royal Family".
                                 (You're stupid ....... ).
MRS DICKHEAD had a charge for MOUNTIE & the wine 
(bottles) she had drunk the day before at PMT, & ROWDY 
called out PIMP as the SILIC doppelganger.
                                  (You're ugly ........ ).
NUMMY charged PLUCKA for finally finishing her Degree
after 14 years, while Paul gave PLUCKA the 3rd degree.
SHAFTED charged DR DEATH for joining Redan F.C. with
his hareeeem, & of course the call went out for "as 1 Dr 
drinks .....", but DR ROWDY was hiding behind a post & come
to think of it, where was QUICKDICK?
                                  (He's the meanest ...... ).
ROWDY had a 'cougar charge' for the absent D&C and 
NUTCRACKER, after the cougar in USA killed the cyclist, so
PLUCKA scored another drink.
DIMWIT came out for a drink since he added all of his mates
to the Sov. Hash Facebook page - all those that we're never
likely to see at Hash, then DUMBER kept tight-arsed DIMWIT
(called him TIP TOP) out there for not wanting to pay for tea.
Never let the truth get in the way - MRS D gave a drink to
BAD HEAD JOB for saying ROWDY won't decipher the pink
arrows, then SPARTACUS was up for 2 drinks for phoning
DR DEATH looking for help to set the run, then to SHAFTED 
for the Hash cutlery.
SHAFFY couldn't tell who's who, running along behind 
CHRIS CROS & BITCHFACE , BENTNOSE charged 
MASTABAIT for wanting a kick to kick at the girls' training,
only to be told "fuck off old man", & DONUTS to BENT for
saying that the woman next door "had her pussy against
the window".
                    (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ......... ).
The Royal Wedding charges were about - for SQUIZZY from
MRS D for having the USA bride, & BP from ROWDY for the 
Royal Wedding bingo night. 
                               ( ..... burn the f*ckin' lot).
BENTNOSE charged PIMP & Richy for 'staying in position'
after their charges, & then NUMMY for the anal BENT
needing a spelling correction.
                               (No, no, Bad, bad ........ ).
SHAFFY was sporting the 'lovely gloves' that he'd found
(& Deb reno'd) & then bird nerd MASTABAIT was corrected -
it was an 'Old Coot', or in HEAD HUNTER's case, a 'Small Tit'.
                           (Do your tits hang low ........).
PEBBLES charged BITCHFACE for having the run stop 
outside of her 'new' house, BAR LICKER was happy with the
current wool price, & f*ckin' HALF A f*ckin' BAR was real 
f*ckin' happy with the f*ckin' wool price.
DR DEATH charged MOUNTIE for dragging out the PMT to
7:30 from 1:30, then ROWDY to PIMP (the SILIC Mini Me)
for sitting down after his charge.
HOTLIPS had a drink for her husband 'rooting' DR DEATH's
knee, then BITCHFACE reckons DR DEATH was the oldest
teenager at Karova.
GLIDER had the Bendigo drink - apparently no-one wants to
live there, then to DIMWIT from LOIS LANE with the horny
& hungry gag - where to put the cucumber?
DIMWIT's zinger - Wally finds himself at the Therapist - 
Where's Wally?
Thanks to the Redan Girls for the BBQ, salads, bar & 
clean up - SILIC had 3 goes before the cake.

Next weeks run - 1881 - Hare CHRIS CROS from 
Queen's Head.  
                   

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

14 - 5 - '18    Run 1879   Bunch of Grapes

"Hash 38 for NORMAL & BAIT at the Grapes" (well, it nearly
works !!). ROWDY became stand-in Choirmaster for a bit, to 
intro GM PEBBLES for the welcome. 
NORMAL said the run was about 5K, a bit uphill & down, & 
would be running thru' someone's house, "so keep your feet
clean". As we headed off, Trailmaster DUMB was at pains to 
slow the speeding athletes, so as to wait for the late cumming
few to order eats. Trail took us South to Leith St. along to 
the track by the creek, then uphill & thru' the half 'finished'
shed, along the track by Skipton St, & back toward the 
Drink-stop by the Pub. It was good to hear Hash Horn
TEFLON's 1st ever solo recital in South Street. NORMAL &
MASTABAIT had stocked up on the Crownies for the Stop -
maybe thinking everyone would 'do a NORMAL' & collar a 
couple of travellers, & of course, it was MASTABAIT's 
vehicle to stow away all the emptys - well who else's?
Back at the noisy circle, all were silenced to hear BP say her
"shut the fuck up !!" HER VAG was called out to receive her
100 Run Cup, only to find the cheap-arses had given her an
"un-inscribed left-over Nash Hash job" - ohh, that AMP.
PEBBLES had welcomes back for BEER FUCK, BAR LICKER,
CANDIDA, ROAD RUNNER, BOOTROOTER & GLIDER, & then
they ushered in the so called "Best Screw in Hash" MOUNTIE,
who straight away reduced last week's co-hares, D&C &
NUTCRACKER to Old Bangers, for hijacking the board.
To screw NORMAL & BAIT, she talked about the 'old croc' in
the back of NORMAL's shed, the HH mark that could be 
'seen from space', & the I I C in the circle, that fell just short
of H C. Then she presented the Drive car mag along with the 
limerick, to make the pair Club House Leaders, with the
Red Charger Award.
                                   (Shitty Trail .... ).
Sergeant SHAFFY gave the co-hares the Green Falcon's 
Award, then had all the Mothers out together for their
Mother's Day drink. 
                               (They're alright ..... ).
GEORGE PELL-ICAN was standing tall on the bar, after 
DR DEATH left him at the Western last week. 
Fog horn NORMAL didn't need the loud hailer to call out
CRIS CROS for talking at the circle. LOIS LANE danced along
with her sight gag about BENTNOSE turning gay, but said he
was really only "bum eating a Mintie". 
                        (He's a mean Mother Fucker ...... ).
MOUNTIE had a charge for 'Football Coach' DR DEATH, & his
chain smoking on the boundary line while watching the 
girls training, then DR DEATH charged PEBBLES for being 
seen driving round town with a Car Dealer.
NUMMY gave MOUNTIE a drink for being the 'drunkest ever'
on the Melbourne Trip, & then DR DEATH called out PIMP
for giving a free kick to the opposition, while umpiring the
son's football match. PIMP stayed out for SILIC's charge 
for him changing his run from Queen's Birthday - the 
cheapest run night when hardly anyone shows up - but,
of course, a rebound for SILIC, the Tight-Arsed Prick.
                         (Bull shit, it all sounds like B.S ..... ).
ROWDY had a charge for BAR LICKER - making it public
that she'd played with HALF A BAR till he ejaculated ..... !
      Out came QD & HH's new song to the tune of YMCA
          (Young girl, I want to spray you with my DNA).
D&C charged PEBBLES for 'vandalising' the lid of a 
letterbox on the run, FOP to FANG for having to handle 4
women at the Grape Escape, then SILIC "why didn't FANG 
phone a friend?"
FOP was pissed off that 2 of the Committee (NUTCRACKER
& D&C) could be cooking the books by going off to Bali, when
they couldn't afford to inscribe HER VAG's cup.
NUMMY charged all the Seniors, seeing as they'll come out
on top in the Budget - GLIDER, SS, THE BILL, MASTABAIT
& CRIS CROSMRS D had a charge for MOUNTIE coming
3rd in the race for 60 - 90 yr olds, then ROWDY told his 
egg gag. 
           Another new song ( get back in the kitchen .... ).
NORMAL charged QUICK DICK for having to ask 
HEAD HUNTER for the new songs, then DR DEATH to 
NUTCRACKER's being surprised that we have to pay for
down downs - she never has to pay for drinks when she 
goes out !!
SHAFTED didn't get charged for his new shoes last week, so
this week put on new socks, only to get shoes & socks wet -
even licked out the last drops.
MOUNTIE said about BEERFUCK learning the Ukelele, & he 
assured us that it wasn't too late to go & get it, but then
PEBBLES had the gag about "5 more ukes found in the car
'after' it was unlocked". BEERFUCK then drank to celebrate 
the life of recently passed Mother in Law.
                             (Mrs Murphy .... ).
ROWDY had all the husbands out who were still with the 
original wife - QUICK DICK, PIMP, THE BILL, MASTABAIT,
NORMAL & SPARTACUS.
                          (Get a life, get a life ........ ).
DR DEATH passed on DIMWIT's weekly/weakly zinger - 
what food on bonfire night? - Bangers!!
A shout out to The Bunch for holding meals - originally 
weren't having a bar of 9pm until NORMAL thumped the
Bar with the Boss.

Next week's run - 1880 - Hare SPARTACUS from Lion's Den 
Rooms at the City Oval - not the Pub.


Tuesday, May 8, 2018

7 - 5 - '18        Run 1878        The Western.

DAZED & CONFUSED teamed up with Birthday Girl 
NUTCRACKER for the Hairy Run with all the wigs. 16 super
athletes took to the trail, with some confusion at the start, but
quickly sorted after a bit of cackling (aka NUTCRACKER'ing),
as she was soon to display her pink bits - this time a hair-tie
on the road. Was MOUNTIE 'on heat' (or just tying shoe-laces) 
bending over for an obvious invitation? CHRIS CROS, only a 
couple of weeks into Hash Cashing, had to abort his run, only
15 minutes in, returning to the Pub to retrieve the Cash and
Tin from the table. After a fair bit of zig-zagging round the 
local 'night-man' lanes, trail took us to the Drink-Stop at the
NUTCRACKER workshop. Numbers swelled close to 40, with 
the N.C. offspring excelling at waiter service with the chips - 
even plenty of salt & vinegar to go round (in the absence of
one BENTNOSE !!).
At the Circle, PEBBLES called out D&C for her 100 Runs.
Screw MOUNTIE said that with so much cackling & yelling
from the 2 Hares, it might as well have been 'live'.
(Apparently) GEORGE PELL-ICAN lost his virginity in the 
back of NUTCRACKER's car. MOUNTIE read out the bit from
the Drive car mag, then the limerick, & ended up giving the
the co-hares the Red HO Falcon award.
Sergeant SHAFTED called out sniffyc*nt runs - PLUCKA 181,
NUTCRACKER 40, JITTERBUG 39 & PIMP 21. It was up to
MRS QUICKDICK to take them away.
                    (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ..... ).
LADY TRAMP had been with the 'elite' (well, SHAFFY was 
there as well), at the Grape Escape, along with FOP
HER VAG.
          (Put your right leg over my shoulder ....)  
          HEAD HUNTER's still got more ).
NORMAL had a charge for DUMB & DUMBER. When D&D 
was boss of the 'Sheltered Workshop - Carover BBQ', he 
regularly charged Mrs Hayes (NORMAL's Mother-in-Law)
$450 a time, regardless of needing a service or not, & not
particularly helping NORMAL's inheritance a great deal. Now
that the new guard has taken over ie: Henry, Mrs Hayes gets
told "there's no need for a service, we'll just check the oil &
water". Of course, the rebound was from DONUTS - DUMBER
was the excellent businessman, & maybe NORMAL needs
some financial advice - there's always PEBBLES at ...... umm,
....... err, shoosh, .... whisper, ..... a ..... m ..... p.
                       (U.g.l.y. ..... you're ugly).
HALF A BAR had a f*ckin' charge for f*ckin' DR f*ckin' DEATH,
since H/BAR thinks he's been dropped by the DR, "like a bag
of f*ckin' shit". He reckons the DR "got all the roots, but 
didn't try him".
SHAFTED gave NUTCRACKER the Happy 52 Birthday drink,
& wanted to know if the Shop was called Taboo or should it
be Tabooz. 
                        (Happy Birthday f*ck you ...... ).
PUSBUCKET charged DR DEATH for his height of decadence,
driving the Jag all of 150 M from Pub to Drink-Stop, & of 
course, when 1 DR drinks ........ !
                         (No, no, bad, bad ...... ).
CHRIS CROS gave HALF A BAR a drink on account of the 
Budget coming from Morrisons (?), then DUMBER to 
MOUNTIE for sending the F.O. message re: the football,
when he replied, "you mean Fantastic Outcome?" - seems
Melbourne won for a change.

Next weeks run - 1879 - Co-hares MASTABAIT & NORMAL
from the Bunch of Grapes, Pleasant St. - (bet it's BAIT's car!).

DIMWIT left us with his customary zinger - similarity of Cher 
to Ballarat's weather - neither is fucking Sonny/sunny.

  

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

30 - 4 - '18           Run 1877            Karova

BITCHFACE (in virgin mode again after a long spell) was in 
charge. PEBBLES tried in vain to get some reverance from 
the mob, until NORMAL had to bellow it out.
Of the run, she said, "Er, what can I say, it's up & down, & flat
.... marked in chalk & a Drink Stop.
The super athletes headed off to the East, eventually 
reaching the Bakery Hill flag, where SQUIZZY adopted the
position for the chant, then short cut it by a line or 2 (where
were you BENT?).
The well stocked Drink Stop was in the back of the renovated
Dodge - just outside of DR DEATH's erection in Camp St ( I'm
betting he left the top flouros on to show off !!) ... Oh, & did 
you notice the fence DIMWIT ?
On After & PEBBLES had welcome's back for SQUIZZY
LADY TRAMP, LITTLE EVIL & SOS.
                            (This is your down down song ... ).
Screw MOUNTIE 'savaged' the virgin hare, saying trail was
everywhere, too short & Drink Stop not much, then called on
DIMWIT for a score - 10 out of 10, & then for a pick of the 
Car Board - 'Chrysler Award' followed closely by the 
limerick.              (Shitty Trail).
Sergeant SHAFTED's 1st was for QUICKDICK's 50th run
last week & HEAD HUNTER's 52nd.
DR DEATH called out the 'virgin bitch' - "What did you do 
towards the run?" PUSBUCKET set it, I (DR D) got the grog,
& you didn't even hand out the chips.
NUMMY charged tight arsed DUMBER for "can't possibly 
but a new stove" ( after SILIC bought the old one), but then
buying into a new race horse.
SHAFTED wanted BENTNOSE to explain the meaning of
dissident, but said that according to Barry James it's,
"is this a dent or dissadent?"
                              (No balls at all ...........).
DR DEATH charged DUMBER for taking 18 months to reno
the Deflowering Dodge, only to get to Vic Roads to have a 
'blue' with the women behind the jump. DUMBER returned
fire to the DR over the size of the lovely blue mattress we
passed on the run.
STUBBY arrived in civvies, & was joined by DONUTS for 
no Hash gear.            (They're the meanest ..... ).
HEAD HUNTER was into FOP for not getting her key-ring,
so the presentation was made, with FOP saying that she was
the best Choirmaster ever, bringing all the new songs etc.
                    (Bullshit, it all sounds like bullshit ...... ).
MOUNTIE charged DR DEATH for his effort as the Bocci
team-mate, then the DR charged D&C, NUTCRACKER &
BITCHFACE for giving up what? - rooting or drinking.
                     (What a wank, wank, wank ........ ).
FASCINATOR charged LADY TRAMP for slipping him a 
sausage at Bunnings while he was with HER FANNY &
CRUTCHLESS, then DUMBER charged PEBBLES for not
going to goal with his AMP mates.
D&C had been "chatting online" to upgrade flight details,
when a message came back from PEBBLES - Flight Updated.
                     (No no, bad bad, down down).
DR DEATH called out MRS DICKHEADFOP & HER VAG for
being awkward in the same room together, then BHD to 
BENTNOSE for the Cosmic Psychos sign on the wall, but 
they said, "Boo hiss", bring back DIMWIT for a zinger - 
Greek women in the sauna - "grillers" in the mist.
FOP bought up the Richmond theme song, with everyone
joining in, but REAR ENTRY still hasn't learnt the words,
but he did guarantee a winning horse at Mortlake tomorrow.
                  (Bullshit, it all sounds like bullshit ..... ).
BENTNOSE reckons QUICKDICK will still follow in 
HEAD HUNTER's footsteps, but fills more than just her 
shoes, then NORMAL bought old mate MASTABAIT a drink,
saying that he's an intelligent bloke etc etc., but didn't know
why the magnificent moon stayed in place - shouldn't it just 
fall down??
PUSBUCKET charged GILF for loving TEFLON's non-stick
properties, & LADY TRAMP for staying in the background
not wanting to be noticed.
Sergeant SHAFFY shouted NORMAL a drink for his erection
that's still standing at the SMB, then DR DEATH to SOS for 
texting D&C in her car.
D&C was looking for some Religious Adviser practise, so 
had BITCHFACE on her knees ..... arise KAROVA ..... to many
boo's & hisses .... BITCHFACE, BITCHFACE ...guess it sticks.
21 Eureka pizzas kept the seagulls happy for a while, until we
got a glimpse of SILIC trawling thru' the flurry of empty boxes
for the dog scraps.
DIMWIT was at the top of the steps on his way home, when 
REAR ENTRY called him for another zinger, & back he came ...
with the magician's dog ..... Abracadbrador (no less!!).

Next weeks run - 1878 - the Hairy/Harey Run - co-hares D&C,
& NUTCRACKER from the Western Hotel.