Tuesday, May 30, 2017

29 - 5 -'17   Run 1826  14 Platypus Dve

CHRIS CROS' run from home, with 23 fronting up - bit less 
than last week - was there a Breakaway meeting, attending 
the "Office?" INSATIABLE & FERGIE were there from Cat
Country, & said they hoped  to be back in a month.
After walks & runs, we all met at the Corona & Chips
Drink-stop by the Cricket Oval, then back for the circle 
& On After. 
HER VAGESTY was holding up the drinks court in the 
welcomed with a drink, JITTERBUG for her Run No 16, 
& MOUNTIE for her athletic "endeavours", asking 
Sonia O'Sullivan for a photo (just push that button), 
& ending up with an autograph as well.
Stand-in, Stand-in Screw SHAFTED was up next, & 
reckoned it was a 'good' run, at the same time, a 'porno' 
run - HEAD HUNTER was in front of him all the way, making
it his 'wet dream' run. Local kids had chalk spread all over
the place, interrupting trail, & FERGIE reckoned he'd never
seen such long on-backs. SHAFTED gave the run a 
score-card of "Sex", then HEAD HUNTER gave them the 
Shitty Trail song.
They called it the Dick Dynasty, with all dicks drinking
together - 2 DICKS, QUICK DICK, & of course the other
Stand-in Sergeant BENT NOSE charged GM FOP for lack
of attendance by the "lower the bar" Committee.
THE BILL kept up the sniffyc*nts of 1826 by arriving late
(for him) at 18:26 pm. SHAFFY had a drink for his 
namesake & Composer, Stephen Foster's birth year
of 1826 - then came the chorus's (is that Chorii?) of
Camptown Races & Oh Suzanna etc.
MOUNTIE charged DR DEATH for his 'knee trembler' when
getting off his bike, then NUMMY for not telling everyone
early enough about "Filthy Brown's" win, (we saw the
replay at the drink-stop on DUMBER's dodgy phone, 
with the flat battery).
HALF A BAR had a drink for his recent 'TV Star' appearance
on Lateline. 
SS (with the extra slit !!), charged NORMAL for looking gay -
his new night vision torch that he uses to ward off the 
snipers, shows a pink light.
When D&C gets charged, NORMAL usually drinks for her,
but Juri has taken over, so now we have a 3'some, with drinks
going every which way.
SHAFFY complained that D&C was loosing interest, because
she wouldn't 'push back', when he was behind 
'pushing forward'. 
NORMAL charged HER VAG as she was the lone female
walking amongst the "Senior Gentleman' & didn't know
(or want to know) about 'Bonanza', 'The Rifleman', 'Steptoe
& Son' et al.
DUMBER charged 2 DICKS & CHRIS CROS for revisiting the
Horticultural Hash, bringing out the ornamental grapes
from the garden, then JITTERBUG charged DR DEATH for 
taking so long on his bike at the Ballarat Lodge building -
would've had time to seduce 2 women.
MOUNTIE charged FERGIE for being sprawled out on the 
car bonnet & really denting it - gonna' need a tow truck there.
Something about cat burglars THE BILL & FOP (anyone
remember?), then all dicks drank again, QUICKDICK, 2 DICKS,
HALF A BAR - where's DR DEATH this time?
SS charged BENTNOSE for stealing his thunder about our
new TV Star HALF A BAR, then reported on GLIDER being 
very unwell due to a serious reaction to his treatment.
Get well GLIDER.
For no other reason, an extra drink for INSATIABLE, as
HER VAG had one left. 
Well done 2 DICKS for the great Dinner treat - Silverside,
Potatoes in their jacket (sour cream & mustard), & Peas,
& plenty of it.

Next week at Cuthbert's, 103 (Their) Rd., On After - same.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

22 - 5 -'17            Run 1825        3 Davey St

QUICK DICK & HEAD HUNTER's run from home, with the Hash 30'ish.
We headed off into the wind, with QUICK DICK in the pink Hare pants,
& both Hares with a handful of chalk each, live-setting as we went.
Turned out to be the Catholic run of the year - running thru' St John
of God, Aquinas Uni & back thru' Nazareth House, after a short stint
on the Lake. Cheeky bugger PRECIOUS reckoned we should get out
of Nazzy straight away, before they kept a few of us. A well stocked 
drink-stop by Officeworks, & then back for the Circle.
Welcome back to SS, now with the extra 'slit'. CRUTCHLESS couldn't
work out the reason behind SS's Hash name, so the most senior & 
most junior members drank together to HEAD HUNTER's chant of
"Old bastard & young slut". SPENCER HOCKING then presented the
appropriate Pirate Gear to SS, to go with the newly acquired 'slit',
being the eye patch, hat & sword, & he drank to the tune of 
"Him, him, fu*k him".
Stand-in Screw PEBBLES was next ( FASCINATOR flys in today),
& gave virgin hares (at Ballarat), QUICK DICK & HEAD HUNTER a 
'2 Silver Star' rating for an extremely well set run & drink-stop.
Sergeant SPENCE called out Juri for "what happens in new shoes",
& JITTERBUG for "what happens in new boots" - she had on the 
CFM Boots - & they both drank to the "Get back in the kitchen" charge.
FOP was charged for donating the contents of the tin last week, &
SHAFTED, as the Company Director, was "going to" donate.
PRECIOUS had his 1st beer charge, after being seen with 3 lovely
girls together last week - why wouldn't you be there again this week
instead of coming to Hash?
NORMAL had a charge for SS - reckons SS is dumber than himself.
Checking the Shuttlebus manifesto at Tullarmarine, NORMAL couldn't 
find passengers J. Hardy & D. Faulkner - turns out SS had no idea
where to catch the bus.
HEAD JOB had a drink for posting wrong info in last week's 'blah blah',
about Andrew's daughter & the blister disease - where did you say
I could get that Sub-Editor?
DUMBER was charged for feeding his meat to JITTERBUG at the 
Friday Gossip Club lunch, then ROWDY charged NORMAL for the
20 year passing of the NORMAL dummy (or stubby) spit in Mair St.
ROWDY had another drink for his run No 1111, & MOUNTIE charged
QUICK DICK for saying on the run "it's dark at this time at night !!"
SHAFFY heard THE BILL having a bit of a 'gloat' on the run, so 
thought he should be re-named "Billy Gloat", then Juri charged
NUM & DUMB for their little bit of 'romanticism' on the run.
CHRIS CROS charged PRECIOUS for dropping the money tin, 
& spilling change everywhere - wonder how much did roll 
under the deck?
DUMBER charged QUICK DICK for having NUMMY & not 
HEAD HUNTER phone in when the bus was full of women.
QUICK DICK  wondered how so many could get 'lost' in the 2 storey
car park at Ballarat Base - have a drink ROWDY.
FANG wanted to know if we could get a 'where's GLIDER app' 
(ala where's Wally) seeing as SS gets asked about GLIDER 
every week - something like that !!  
SPENCE charged HEAD HUNTER for the match-box sized garbage
bin - "We are at Hash you know", & then HEAD HUNTER had a 2nd,
as she didn't want to start the new job at JK smelling of grog - 
enter MOUNTIE ........ annnnnd "Ought to be.....".
DR DEATH & SOS made it to the On After - obviously SOS had been
busy "Tidying" somewhere.

Next week's run, CHRIS CROS at home, 19 Platypus Drive, Mt Clear,
ummm .... rear entry. Perhaps BYO Chair.

Monday, May 15, 2017

15 - 5 -'17          Run 1824         Taco Bill's

PEBBLES' run, where DAZED & CONFUSED is the Hare, & the run
set by both, with a 30 hash roll-up. All orders taken for the 
heartburn/raw arse supper & we're standing outside on the On On
Marker, when D&C wearing the Hare Pants, told us that "the On On
is from here". We headed off round town, this time anti-clockwise, 
via the Mall, Civic Hall, St Andrews Church & White Flat, to the 
Drink-Stop out back of PEBBLES' Office, then inside & warmth
for the Down Downs.
Apologies to HEAD HUNTER - she is definitely THE Choirmaster & 
not the stand-in, as said in last week's blah blah!!

Welcome to Andrew Biszczak, for his intro to Hash Harriers & 
the Mighty Sovereign Hash. A stop-over in Ballarat, on his many
marathons on the 3000 kms from Adelaide to Brisbane, to raise 
awareness & funds for kids suffering the "blister disease" -
Epidermolysis Bullosa, that claimed the life of his 2 yr old 
daughter. Ballarat kicked in a total of $545 for the cause.
HEAD HUNTER gave him the Piss Pot chant, tho' he doesn't drink.

Wecomes back to SPARTACUS from NZ & Vietnam, and 
CHRIS CROS from Mt Clear.
HALF A BAR was suggested as a stop-over host to Andrew on his
way to Geelong, & that got him the "Him, Him, F**k Him" chant.
Screw (& half a Hare tonight) PEBBLES screwed D&C (figuratively
this time!!) for the run / walk, drink-stop & warm Down Downs 
venue, giving it a "Silver Award" that was retrieved from the wall
in the office, & got HEAD HUNTER's "Shitty trail, shitty trail" chant.
Reckon we'll get to learn all of these one day? Already know the
"Ought to be ...... " one.
Andrew was charged for having no Hash Gear, & presented with
a MRS DICKHEAD singlet, while 'Paul from London' (on his way
to Indonesia), was given a SILIC shirt - well no-one else wanted it!
PLUCKA drank Andrew's beer.
SPENCER HOCKING charged HEAD HUNTER for using her 
Mastercard on the Miki machine, & SPARTACUS had a drink for
his Silver Medal at New Zealand.
NORMAL bought old mate MASTABAIT a drink. He said BAIT
was to buy a car roof-top tent for the trip (as NORMAL put it,
to Cape Town) to Cooktown & beyond. NORMAL had it 
straight from the horse's mouth that "at 70, BAIT's sex life is 
obviously over", because Marg doesn't want to wake up being 
"chewed on by a Croc".
MASTABAIT charged CHRIS CROS for his lost hat, then his lost
glasses while on the Northern Territory walk - & tonight, almost
lost his wind-up torch.
HEAD HUNTER charged MOUNTIE & QUICKDICK, for crossing the 
roundabout in bad traffic, TEFLON charged NORMAL for the
walk being 'too well' organised this week, & both GLIDER &
MASTABAIT charged for no Hash Gear on display. 
PLUCKA & FANG had a drink for almost head butting, being
a bit eager to get a drink from the Drink-Stop esky.
NORMAL charged FANG for rambling on about swapping a 
lemon tree for a spa in the backyard - "must have been a bloody
big lemon tree, or a small spa", he said !!
HER VAG charged Andrew - who is obviously a hare, 
& PEBBLES - tonight's Hare, with no hair.

Think that's how most of it went - few others I can't decipher!!

Next week's run from HEAD HUNTER & QUICKDICK's place,
3 Davey Street - On After, Top Eureka .... errr, Eureka Pizza. 

Monday, May 8, 2017

8 - 5 -'17         Run 1823        Barkly St School

TEFLON's run from the School Car Park, with a 30 roll-up. 
Stand-in Choirmaster HEAD HUNTER returned, & called reverance
for the GM, with FOP's 1st utterings being STUBBY's grog for sale.
TEFLON had a glowing pre-amble for the run - " Running in the
truly magnificent East, plenty of trail marked, no on-backs, no 
hills .........etc".
9 walkers, 3 or 4 bar flys to the pub, so about 18 runners headed
off. GILF was in charge of the walkers, much to the "pissedoffment"
of NORMAL. She had a couple of goes at getting the 
"little green man" to light up at Victoria St (& we didn't even need
to cross over !!), then at Specimen Vale "umm ... where to now??"
Back to the down downs & FOP's next commercial for STUBBY -
must be some commission happening !!
Sniffyc*nt  runs for CRUTCHLESS & PIMP - 10 each. 
PEBBLES was stand-in Screw  for FASCINATOR (see the selfie
video on the Hash Page) & mentioned the cold night & having to
cross the rail twice, but the trail did get better once it reached the 
granite sand track - awarded the "blue star" - enter HEAD HUNTER
with the Shitty Trail chant.
Charges "may include, but not limited to......."
PIMP had a drink for his services - stand-in Chauffeur while the
old man's away. CRUTCHLESS was next as she was asked "How
do you think HEAD HUNTER & QUICK DICK got their names?"
HEAD HUNTER wouldn't divulge, but had a very wide grin, & still
singing chants from her song sheet. All dicks drink together, so 
out the front QUICKDICK, FOP (for a limp dick) & HALF A BAR.
BENT had a complaint in there somewhere about the beer (?) -
(wish I could read this bloody 'short-hand' next day!!). 
ROWDY & PEBBLES had a drink for the passing of Lou Richards,
then Juri charged NUM & DUMB for leading him astray on the run.
JITTERBUG took a drink from TEFLON for when DIGIT DIGESTER
fell over, & BAD HEAD JOB for rolling the ankle tonight.
FOP's been Wiki-ing - 1823 was the first official Australian gold 
discovery in Bathurst. 
GILF was next for getting the walkers "lost" - "there's a Church 
up here somewhere", & NORMAL gave her a 2nd drink for being
such a shit Walk Commandant. HEAD HUNTER has finally 
ditched the song sheet & is back to a chant that we know, & it 
wasn't "They ought to be .... !!"
Juri had a drink for being a worse joker than HALF A BAR, then
GILF, JITTERBUG & HEAD HUNTER for being amongst the 
European invasion to the mighty Sovereign Hash.
Last charge was for PLUCKA for being up & about again, & still
having the smile on her face, since Paul 'Bearer' is home.

Next week's run - PEBBLES from Taco Bill's (next to Safeway)

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

1 - 5 -'17        Run 1820      703 Latrobe St

HER VAGESTY's very rainy run from home. GM FOP ascended
the pulpit to address the multitudes - all 21 of them, then came
GILF & SHAFTED (who said SHAT-FED ??). FOP said the 
weather 'lowered the bar' even further, & then came the adverts
about STUBBY's beer being on sale - a little cheaper than last
week at Munster's, where the Publican claimed to be educating
HER VAG described the run as 5km, but would be following on
the bike - is that how she set it ?
Runners & Walkers headed off, to leave 6 bar Flys-flys thinking 
about testing some of FOP's home brew direct from the keg - 
alas, not working, "something blocking the pipes".
At the Drink-stop, we had plenty of jelly shots & beer from the 
fridge, but no-one took up FOP's offer of the home brew that
as he said " Wasn't too good". Didn't we have a whole year of
that when you were Grogmaster FOP?
On After & welcomes back to BENTNOSE, Juri & PIMP (who
was our stand-in chauffeur, as the old man SILIC was getting
closer to Darwin by the minute).
FOP wants to "make Hash great again" (um .. RAISING the bar?)
by auditing the book, making 2 Nash Hash runs count, so that
tonight becomes Run 1822. NUMMY wasn't happy, but SPENCER
HOCKING is now on 1100, & MOUNTIE 1111. The "Pot calling
the kettle black" was re-awarded to BENTNOSE (why was that
again??), then BENT tagged sooky la la.
They thought the bar was lowered further, as PEBBLES was 
stand-in Screw. He talked about trail around the trotting track
& soccer field, but didn't 'digress', & then gave the run an
alphabet score of 'J' - at least it wasn't that drawn out epistle
from FASCINATOR's phone!!
New shoes came up & Juri said "No way", then PIMP with
"what not to do with new shoes".
Congrats to SPARTACUS for his 'Silver' at New Zealand - you'll
do PIMP, have a drink.
FOP, HER VAG & NORMAL were charged for "dining" during
the down downs, but the focaccia out of the pizza oven was 
pretty nice. FOP had wheeled the oven over from Adair St. 
NORMAL charged old mate MASTABAIT for beetroot actually
coming out of the ground. MOUNTIE was charged for having a 
heavy boulder in her backpack at Tassie, taking over D&C's
bed, then leaving a log in the WC. 
"John from London" ran the rainy trail in singlet & shorts - 
probably thought the climate was just like home, & that's 
when MOUNTIE trotted out that freakin' "Ought to be ... "
Get rid of it !!!
Everyone enjoyed HER VAG's catering - The pulled pork 
casserole, coleslaw, spud & bread rolls.
Google wasn't at all kind to BENTNOSE. The ONLY time in his
life that he's ever been wrong!! The discussion went round &
round for a while, until BENT produced the phone, to find that 
"Jockey Smith was shot in '92 by the cop at Creswick, at 
The Farmer's Arms Pub, NOT The American" - (sniff, sniff)

Here endeth .....

Next Week, TEFLON's run. On On at Barkly St School, 
On After Top Eureka.