Tuesday, April 25, 2017

24 - 4 -'17       Run 1819     Munster's Arms

THE BILL's run on Anzac Eve. PRECIOUS was stand-in 
Choirmaster, on what FOP called the Pre Anzac Eve run, quickly
corrected by SPENCER HOCKING - Errr ... Pre Anzac Eve was
Sunday Night !! 21 in for the night, & SHAFFY continued to 
'lower the bar' - late again. According to THE BILL, the run was
"beautifully set this morning in 4 lb of flour" - not sure about it
after 25 ml of precipitation.
Runners & walkers took off, leaving 5 bar-flys to get down downs 
sorted. Due to the over the top bar prices ($7 pot of light & $5 pot
of heavy) there'd be no delight from the pub, even if REAR ENTRY
was sent in to negotiate. NORMAL was Walker's Commandant &
phoned in to ask about the Drink-stop - Pizza Hut carpark.
FLOP decided to go & buy a regulation Dan's slab, & down down's
to be undercover at Ray's Outdoors.
Welcomes back for Paul from England, MASTABAIT from NT &
GLIDER - also FANG (but he's not Juri). The bar was 'lowered so
much' that Grog Master CRUTCHLESS was on the floor - SILIC 
thought she was lucky she didn't stick to it.
FOP thought it was the 'Public Holidays Hash' with so many
holidays backed up together.
Screw FASCINATOR took over for the shortest screw ever - about
15 seconds, after his marathon read from the phone last week,
& gave THE BILL a 6.9, so SILIC charged FASCINATOR for the 
'piss weak' effort. THE BILL had a drink for not checking prices
of grog & food for the night, with the Publican - we thought the 
Publican might've been trying to square off his mortgage in
the 1st couple of weeks.
Sergeant SPENCE charged FOP for his down downs at Ray's -
does this mean he's trying to 'Ray's the Bar' again? 
CRUTCHLESS had drinks for the question 'How did FOP &
MASTABAIT get their Hashnames?'
THE BILL, FANG & Paul had a Pre Anzac drink for the Allies,
and MASTABAIT & GLIDER for the old farts at Hash. The fallen
comrades of Hash were recognised - MIDNIGHT, RUSSELL UP
had a drink & hoped that he wasn't going to be the next!!
because she could only remember 'a James Robertson' at 
school with dark hair!! DUMBER also charged SPENCE for 
having to apologize to our Publican for not getting to his pub
on the Christmas Run, as the Publican had put on extra staff
& food for the visit.
FOP charged FASCINATOR for wearing no Hash gear - instead,
the PRD stove-pipes & pixie boots. CRUTCHLESS was presented
with a singlet top that had painted-on hands to look like breast
supports - but not a lot to support !!
Paul had a drink out of his old/new shoes - DUMBER for his
fairy boots, & SILIC for the beer that was named after him -
'backward nut'. 
SHAFTED had given dog 'Jess' some crook food, so 
CRUTCHESS gave us a demo of dog actions, spinning round
on the floor, with legs in the air like a dying fly.

Nuffsed - next week at HER VAG's place, 703 Latrobe St.,
BYO chair.

Monday, April 17, 2017

17 - 4 -'17          Run 1818        Miner's Tavern

1st run of new GM FOP's reign, & the start of the downfall "Lowering
The Bar". Around 23 attendees, & not bad for an Easter Monday Run,
with the notable absence of REAR ENTRY, given The Miner's is his
"office" & he's always at the joint. 
Brand new Choirmaster HEAD HUNTER called for reverence for the
GM to start the On After. 
FOP had welcomes back for BAG OF DICKS, Paul "Bearer" & 
PUSBUCKET ( & as he said "Wot after 1 week?"). Significant Runs to
GILF 234 & PLUCKA 131. HEAD HUNTER proceeded to trot out a 
heap of new chants that we're never gonna get to remember.
New Screw FASCINATOR has introduced technology, having to read
his freakin' long-winded dialogue (are we there yet ?) from his phone,
& after a fair slab of football references, gave the Run of FOP
HER VAGESTY a 6.7, to which HEAD HUNTER began her chant of
"Shitty Trail" etc, to the tune of Mickey Mouse.
Stand-in Sergeant HER VAG thought the sniffyc*nts of 1818 should
be about the 18 yr olds & said "not D&C who's 3+ X 18", & so, enter
Eleanor, with DR DEATH taking a drink for the Daughter.
PEBBLES had a drink for being "horny" for HER VAG on the run - 
Hash Horn, then DUMBER for the stolen gold bullion in his old
Webster St, with THE BILL & QUICK DICK the closest likeness 
to the thief.
Setting the Run, HER VAG met old Hash Runner ANDREW ANDREW
ANDREW, so nominated another old Hash Runner SS to take a drink.
CRUTCHLESS charged MOUNTIE, for MOUNTIE asking at Waubra
months ago, "who are you?" - turns out MOUNTIE had known 
her for 20+ years. 
THE BILL was charged for rear-ending MOUNTIE last week (who'd
have thought !), & to that, HEAD HUNTER finally got to reel off a
chant that we knew. Also last week, visitor DEMENTIA invited the
girls in the "take home car", back to the Motel, presumably for a 
"happy ending".
NORMAL charged Paul "Bearer" for their conversation on the walk,
when NORMAL asked "so what's been happening Paul?" & the reply,
"Oh, I went down last night, big dark hole that you could drive a 
truck thru' & it's pretty wet down there", of course, talking about
the Mine. That's when NUMMY continued to "lower the bar", 
chanting that farkin' "Oughta be publicly ......." Arghhhh!!
THE BILL & QUICK DICK saved HER VAG - "don't roll your ankle
on that acorn" (again), & "if you do, give us the keys, so that while
you're laid up, we can get to the drink-stop"
They called NORMAL a lazy prick for only laying 10 bricks on a 
big job, but he thought that was good management - & it got
him a drink.
D&C, NUM NUM MOUNTIE are off to Tassie (MOUNTIE's got 
a map, D&C not), so MOUNTIE awarded them drinks ahead
of time - reckon the rest of us should've had a drink 'cos they
won't be here.

Righto,  you've had a fair go ......

Next week, THE BILL's run from Munster's Arms, 
(old Black Rhino), Bakery Hill.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

10 - 4 -'17                  Run 1817                AGM

GM NUM NUM assumed the position for the last time, & drinks to welcome 
visitors BIG CLIT, Y2K JELLY, SWALLOW & DEMENTIA, then welcomes
forgot FANG, so he had to drink on his own.
Happy Birthday to 60 years 'young' DAZED & CONFUSED, & NORMAL had 
to step in to drink for her (we wondered if he has to step in for her in the 
bedroom as well !!). HEAD HUNTER was a bit 'out of it', as she had said 
bye for now to her Shielagh - as she said "Well she is my Mum".
The athletes & walkers took to the streets of the North, leaving 9 bar flys
to a stubby or 3, & hear the practise recital of Andy Pobjoy's keyboard
stand-in Kevin Mahoney, & very good too !! The next job - erect the 
Nash Hash signage. Schoolmarm CANDIDA quickly took over the
Supervisor Role, as apparently, SILIC & REAR ENTRY weren't up to
scratch, so she did the job herself. CRUTCHLESS was on crutches again,
wandering round, but only using them about every 4th or 5th step.
The On After, & NUMMY had installed the blow-up Limbo Bar, but of course
that meant "lowering the bar" - more on that later.
She trotted out the 1817 sniffyc*nts a little early, & that saw Ireland's
first Abstinence Society, so JITTERBUG was up for an Ireland drink &
DR DEATH for Abstinence, then Jane Austen's death brought to mind
her novels, 'Pride & Prejudice' and 'Sense & Sensibility', so 
DUMB & DUMBER was in there as well.
SS took the floor to screw the run, but they gave him a mic. - never let
a chance go by - & he launched into Danny Boy with obligatory vibrato,
& according to keyboardist Mahoney, all in the Key of D (that your 
key BENT?). A well stocked drink-stop topped off a good run & walk - 
thank you DUMB.
Sergeant ROWDY's last stand & had to recognise CRUTCHLESS in her 
ball gown, complete with fascinator & a pearl necklace in the cleavage -
that made him bar up !! MOUNTIE had a huge pearl necklace (the jewelry
type) trying to out-do CRUTCHLESS, and GILF & HEAD HUNTER were 
in there somewhere as well, all to be taken away by DIMENTIA.
GLIDER had PRECIOUS, as the youngest Hash Member, do a charge
in memory of ARSO, then NORMAL charged GLIDER for all the rain
over the weekend (??). SHAFTED spun a golf 'in-joke' that went flat
on it's arse - not like our usually zany SHAFFY.
FASCINATOR met BIG CLIT - thought it good 'cos he usually can't 
find it - DIMENTIA couldn't remember & maybe needed Y2K JELLY &
chances are, SILIC found a REAR ENTRY (can't read this bloody
scribble, but it's kinda like that !!).
FASCINATOR took a charge for the sad passing of John Clarke/Fred
Dag, then MOUNTIE charged SWALLOW because she couldn't spread
her legs. LOIS LANE had a celebration drink for daughter Phillipa's
marriage, then HALF A BAR had a f**kin' charge for f**kin' SILIC &
f**kin' REAR ENTRY for not f**kin' going outside because there was free
f**kin' beer inside !! THE BILL charged DUMBER for being the only one
to be run over by a boat going down the road, then BIG CLIT & 
Y2K JELLY were charged for making sure to follow MOUNTIE in 
her tights, all the way home. ROAD RUNNER made a check of the 
50 yr old Council Records & DUMBER is the only one to ever be hit by a 
speedboat on the road.
DONUTS was charged for his "spleen vent" about being sick of 
picking up at Tullamarine, only to take a phone call from the son
30 seconds later - "Can you pick me up Dad?". 
BIG CLIT charged SHAFTED for driving his car over the finely
manicured garden at the Bowls Club ( you've never seen him in
action at the Bot Gardens MR CLIT !!). FANG took the final charge
of NUMMY's 'Raise The Bar' Hash, as being the oldest (longest ?)
serving member of the original Ballarat Hash.
Old Committee out - (F**k off, you've had a fair go!!) & enter the
new GM FOP of the "Lower The Bar" Hash.

New Committee:

Grog Master  .  .  .  .  CRUTCHLESS   Hash Screw  .   FASCINATOR
Keeper of the Book  JITTERBUG       Choirmaster  .   HEAD HUNTER
Hash Cash  .  .  .  . .  HER VAGESTY  Sergeant  .  .  .   SPENCER HOCKING
Religious Advisor 
& Big Events  .  .  .  . MOUNTIE           Hash Horn  .  .  PEBBLES
Trail Master .  .  .  .  . NUM NUM          Blog Bastard .  Status Quo

New GM FOP has decided to "Lower The Bar", has aired the T Shirt,
then declared that he's a "Man of Action", but sick of cliche's - 
'build a wall', 'moooving fooorward' (ala Julia-r) etc. - so, we'll see &
good luck FOPPY.
We ate, drank & be'ed merry for the next couple of hours. Very nice 
roast, followed by small pav (I think, didn't have it) desserts and beer 
& red wine all round. Fair amount of 'darrrncing' to the excellent 
Mr Mahoney & the 1st exhibition for the year ahead of FOP's jocks - 
reckon there'll be somewhat more exposure down the track !!

Next week - Committee run from Miner's Tavern.

Monday, April 3, 2017

3 - 4 -'17             Run 1816            Awards Night

GM NUM NUM took the floor for the pen-ultimate, to welcome the 30 attendees, 
& happy that there's only 1 week to go. Welcome also to new runner Paul, 
& welcomes back from NZ to Shielagh, & to SPENCER HOCKING.
Happy Birthday to DAZED & CONFUSED on reaching '6' figures !!
On the short run, it was obvious that PLUCKA, with the short tu tu on, 
should've left the tights off !! MOUNTIE thought her outfit left the breasts a bit
flat, but I assured her that they looked good to me, & I think it was only the
Hash Horn that was a bit flat. We all reached the drink-stop at DUMBER's
beneath the Sheltered Workshop, where the Friday Gossip Club meet.
SHAFTED reckoned that "Debbie" was aptly named - made a lot of noise
coming, took the houses with her & left NSW very wet !!" A couple of 
refreshments at the well stocked drink-stop, then a short walk back 
to the one-time Gentleman's Club.
At the On-After, there were Welcome Drinks for Paul, Shielagh, SPENCER 
SS screwed NUM & DUMB for the well marked short walk/run, the venue, 
the dress-ups & photos, but they missed SOS - did anyone ?? 
SPENCE charged SILIC for having no Hash Gear "but don't change, 
we don't want to see you out of it". 
Sergeant ROWDY's 1st charge for (the lay down misere) "who looks best
in tight shiny pants?", FOP or DAZED & CONFUSED.    NORMAL took the
drink for D & C.   Sniffyc*nts of 1816 ? - of course Doctor, the Leannec 
stethoscope invented, but also, don't forget the Maelzel Metronome.
DR DEATH made JITTERBUG wet & he dribbled - please explain.
CRUTCHLESS took 2 for being the "golden shower girl", & then writing 
her car (& everything else) off. NORMAL had a charge for "what's your
name?", QUICKDICK for having Shielagh back, after wanting a photo
of her going back to Dublin.
DUMBER was charged for returning to a venue where last time we 
lost someone, HEAVY. RIP. Then, all the dicks drank up, 'cos all dicks
drink together - QUICK DICK, MRS DICKHEAD & HALF A BAR, joined by
Paul, PLUCKA, THE BILL & SHAFTED. PLUCKA had 2 more - 1 for phoning
SPENCE (who was in NZ), "Where's the carpark?" & another for calling out
to HEAD HUNTER on the bush walk, "how do you get to the other side of
the river?" - "You're already there you idiot !!"
SPENCE charged HALF A BAR for f**king the BBQ Spit (the same as he
does the sheep), since it has worked perfectly for 36 years, & Tommy's 
borrowed it only once. 
NUMMY came back to relive some of the years' highlights - ROWDY's 
sniffyc*nts of the 1800's, SPENCER HOCKING's 'raising the bar' of 
Ballarat Hash towards Nash Hash, the significant runs of ROWDY &
MOUNTIE 1000, LOIS LANE's 800, MRS D & SHAFTED's 500, SOS 300
& PLUCKA 100, the sad passing of CRUNT & BIG BALLS, joining new
& the Ballarat 1800 run at Trentham.


"Pot Calling The Kettle Black". Runners Up were HALF A BAR & SILIC,
but BENT NOSE took it out by a large bent nose, & DONUTS stepped 
up to have the drink.

"Tight Arsed Prick". Won uncontested by REAR ENTRY for running
out of grog at the drink-stop.

"Spectacle Award". Runner up HALF A BAR for his sprained ankle at
the cricket, but won by CHRIS CROS for being half naked in the women's
loo at Top Eureka, & FOP stepped up for the drink.

"Pisspot Award". Another 'lay down misere' - Winner PUSBUCKET.
Snag's idea of a balanced diet is "a stubby in each hand". In his 4th
acceptance speech in succession, he said, "he should just keep the 
trophy permanently", but then digressed, (do you believe that?), saying
he asked MOUNTIE what she wanted for her Birthday. The reply was
"a divorce" - "good, I wasn't going to spend too much".

"Shit-house Run". Runners Up were PEBBLES & SHAFTED, but taken
out by back to back winner FASCINATOR, who was actually there to take
the drink himself, & looking forward to the Hat-trick next year.

"Shit-hot Run". Runners Up were SHAFFY & ROWDY, & the winner is
............ the "Man among men & the fishes as well" SS who they thought,
accepted gracefully.

"ARSO's Club Member Award". SPENCER HOCKING - accepted on 
behalf of HEAVY, who said, "make Ballarat Hash important to
Nash Hash".

Thanks to Peter Carrigg & Helpers at the Old Colonists for great food
with the usual variety of meats, fish, veg & desserts.

Next week - AGM at North Ballarat Bowling Club.