A run from the Park Hotel at the end of a glorious weekend, celebrating beautiful Autumn weather, the Ballarat Marathon festival, the footy and ANZAC Day commemorations.
We set off after a welcome to (country) Alfredton, with a 4 km loop past the Arch of Victory, through Vic Park to the Olympic rings, across to the POW memorial via the tramway museum and ending in a well stocked drink stop.
Back at the Park, the GM commenced proceedings with sniffy runs, of which there were a number, but managed to come without his important props; so BoneRenoB will have to wait until next week for his ceremonial 100 run goblet. He did get a Tshirt. Lois Lane celebrated run number 1111, and rather belatedly Pink Bits was acknowledged for run number 200. Well done, but it was really funny watching Pinky almost explode with excitement prior to her presentation, then snorking with relief once her time had come. Get a Life
GILF and GOLF. Either I missed the welcomes back, or the GM did, however Gilf and Teflon reappeared after some time away. I suspect the reason for attendance was so Teflon could tell all that Gilf won some golden spurs while seated on her horse. He seemed proud and happy. Not to be outdone, Nummy won her golf last Thursday, beating a full and high class field.
Not on the winners list was Essington, Lois asking if anyone could consult the Dead Sea Scrolls to find out just when the Dons last won an important footy match. Pigs Arse tried to deflect attention away from his poor planning by singing the Essington song, but consensus was that the buck stopped well and truly with him, and will for the next 12 months.
The Screw has settled seamlessly into his role. Quick Dick calculated that as the run was set during the marathon, it should have taken Nummy 12 minutes from start to finish, based on the London world record pace. I think Dumb slowed her down. The old rusty screw from last year was incensed that Nummy was calling her own trail (Mountie, fuck off ya cu#t). Mention was made of the glimpse of the Arch, and the visit to the POW memorial. A strange trail mark consisting of an arrow inside a Halt led us into Vic Park, notable for medical advice re uppers and downers being sought, and a lonely parked car which seemed to be rocking. The engine was running, presumably so the aircon was on to prevent windows from fogging up.
Nummy was heard to muse upon the beauty of her lakeside trail, at least it was when the sun was shining. QD gave it a FANTASTIC rating. Shitty Trail.
It was pointed out that trail also passed the Honour Avenue for Ballarat’s Paralympians, obviously in Boner’s honour. publicly pissed on
The Sargeant is also showing promising signs early in his tenure. He commented the Pigs Arse week on / week off leadership fits in perfectly with his child minding duties, and reminisced about his school days with a paedophile teacher, musing how well groomed he was as a student.
Spence was charged for taking a short cut through Vic Park on the way to Hash, loitering, and probably to visit the parked car. Pinky asked Head Hunter for some tips around being a choir master, and ended up with a cat o nine tails to whip recalcitrants into shape. Ex GM Precious was discovered to have used creative accounting with his run numbers; subtracting for some reason.
Competitors on the weekend marathon festival were given a down down. IC was celebrated for being a Hash paragon, not training, and not giving up the grog Ar sol
Despite our pally ANZAC relationship, it was pointed out the the hash cash could not be balanced/banked due to a dodgy Kiwi coin in the tin, Build a bonfire
And that was about enough for everyone.
Next weeks run, on Star Wars Day, Hare Chris Cross, 14 Platypus Drive; park by his back gate in the Mt Clear Oval reserve.
Sunday, April 26, 2026
Sunday, April 19, 2026
Run 2305 20/04/2026 -Fascinator from The Stag Hotel, Learmonth
Welcome Backs:
The Bill, Deep Heat, Dimwit, Normal, Beer F*ck, Mimico, Her Fanny, and Pauline
Visitor:
Felicity Shagwell.
Virgin:
Jason who shares his name with every man his age.
Sniffies:
JusCum on 303, Jason on 1, Fascinator on 272, No Name on 21, Boner on 99.
Screw by Quick Dick:
First run of the year; it was the best of runs, it was the shittest of runs. Fascinator claimed the trail was cleared away by a street sweeper. This is BS as the marks are from 5 years ago. The Bill doesn’t remember much but knows this track backwards.
We wouldn’t want to offend the locals but there an apparently fewer degrees of separation in Learmonth than the usual 7. The runners encountered two generations of Nutcracker’s family. There was also a bleeding sheep. Yet where is Tommy Halfabar?
The drink stop had chips, lollies, and booze. Buxtons called, they said well done for so many people at the open house. It was then concluded that it was the shittest of runs and Fascinator needs to be out the state by the end of May.
Her Fanny, Mimico, and Beer F*ck’s Missus, Carmen, were late for their welcomes back.
Sergeant IC:
Learmonth. Not sure it’s water in the lake. Disco and Fascinator must have drank the whatever it is because look at em.
New Religious Advisor PP has started strong as we had good weather.
Choir mistress, Pink Bits showing up her predecessor by signing more songs with greater variety.
Hashy birthday Bad Hair Day. Pebbles acted as proxy.
GM, Pig’s Arse charged for giving late notice to Cinderella to be GM tonight.
Pigs Arse charged again as he and his Labour mates have sent squash balls to Canberra to Albo.
Why did the jelly bean go to school? It wanted to be a smartie.
Dimwit’s family moved to Washington DC. A USA hash song was taught to the circle. Lyrics to the tune of Take Me Out to the Ball Game.
Nutcracker then finally realised Felicity Shagwell is American and received a charge.
NBCL charged for being North Melbourne supporter and wearing PJs.
Felicity Shagwell was charged because she taught everyone a good song but Trump did not see fit to use it in his campaign.
Felicity Shagwell was charged again because Trump has been in office several times. New USA song. Incest Time in Texas.
Lois charged for attempting to make a charge from after the run when it was not yet time. She made her charge anyway from inside the circle. IC and Mrs D were charged because IC asked, “Do they commemorate ANZAC Day in NZ?” and Mrs D should have taught him better.
Service people of NZ were charged.
Lois was charged again but Pink Bits was whistling loudly. Cinderella was charged for being part of the new muppets cast.
Pauline charged for noticing that there was no flared base on a phallic object. IC and Pink Bits were both charged for the object being too small. Head Hunter charged for being a nurse seeing many an object lodged inside people.
F*ck Off Ya C*nt sang to Fascinator, who is moving to QLD.
Next week’s run is Num and Dumb from The Park Hotel Ballarat, 1615 Sturt Street, Alfredton.
Reluctantly,
PP
On On.
The Bill, Deep Heat, Dimwit, Normal, Beer F*ck, Mimico, Her Fanny, and Pauline
Visitor:
Felicity Shagwell.
Virgin:
Jason who shares his name with every man his age.
Sniffies:
JusCum on 303, Jason on 1, Fascinator on 272, No Name on 21, Boner on 99.
Screw by Quick Dick:
First run of the year; it was the best of runs, it was the shittest of runs. Fascinator claimed the trail was cleared away by a street sweeper. This is BS as the marks are from 5 years ago. The Bill doesn’t remember much but knows this track backwards.
We wouldn’t want to offend the locals but there an apparently fewer degrees of separation in Learmonth than the usual 7. The runners encountered two generations of Nutcracker’s family. There was also a bleeding sheep. Yet where is Tommy Halfabar?
The drink stop had chips, lollies, and booze. Buxtons called, they said well done for so many people at the open house. It was then concluded that it was the shittest of runs and Fascinator needs to be out the state by the end of May.
Her Fanny, Mimico, and Beer F*ck’s Missus, Carmen, were late for their welcomes back.
Sergeant IC:
Learmonth. Not sure it’s water in the lake. Disco and Fascinator must have drank the whatever it is because look at em.
New Religious Advisor PP has started strong as we had good weather.
Choir mistress, Pink Bits showing up her predecessor by signing more songs with greater variety.
Hashy birthday Bad Hair Day. Pebbles acted as proxy.
GM, Pig’s Arse charged for giving late notice to Cinderella to be GM tonight.
Pigs Arse charged again as he and his Labour mates have sent squash balls to Canberra to Albo.
Why did the jelly bean go to school? It wanted to be a smartie.
Dimwit’s family moved to Washington DC. A USA hash song was taught to the circle. Lyrics to the tune of Take Me Out to the Ball Game.
Nutcracker then finally realised Felicity Shagwell is American and received a charge.
NBCL charged for being North Melbourne supporter and wearing PJs.
Felicity Shagwell was charged because she taught everyone a good song but Trump did not see fit to use it in his campaign.
Felicity Shagwell was charged again because Trump has been in office several times. New USA song. Incest Time in Texas.
Lois charged for attempting to make a charge from after the run when it was not yet time. She made her charge anyway from inside the circle. IC and Mrs D were charged because IC asked, “Do they commemorate ANZAC Day in NZ?” and Mrs D should have taught him better.
Service people of NZ were charged.
Lois was charged again but Pink Bits was whistling loudly. Cinderella was charged for being part of the new muppets cast.
Pauline charged for noticing that there was no flared base on a phallic object. IC and Pink Bits were both charged for the object being too small. Head Hunter charged for being a nurse seeing many an object lodged inside people.
F*ck Off Ya C*nt sang to Fascinator, who is moving to QLD.
Next week’s run is Num and Dumb from The Park Hotel Ballarat, 1615 Sturt Street, Alfredton.
Reluctantly,
PP
On On.
Sunday, April 12, 2026
NEW COMMITTEE 2026
Grand Masters – Pigs Arse & Cinderella
Hash Cash – People Pleaser
Choir Master – Pink Bits
Trail Master – Precious
Sergeant – Immaculate Conception & Shafted
Screw – Quick Dick
Grog Master – Nutcracker
Keeper of Book – Campaspe
Scribe – Carpet Burns and Precious
Hash Flash – Pink Bits
Hash Horn – Cinderella
Religious Advisor – People Pleaser and Mountie
Messiah – Bad Hair Day
Hash Cash – People Pleaser
Choir Master – Pink Bits
Trail Master – Precious
Sergeant – Immaculate Conception & Shafted
Screw – Quick Dick
Grog Master – Nutcracker
Keeper of Book – Campaspe
Scribe – Carpet Burns and Precious
Hash Flash – Pink Bits
Hash Horn – Cinderella
Religious Advisor – People Pleaser and Mountie
Messiah – Bad Hair Day
RUN 2304 – Committee Run - AGM – Monday 13th April 2026
Well, what a big night, thanks to the outgoing GM Precious. It was the AGM, Awards Night and Black-Tie Night all in one. The run was very short, but the drink stop was well stocked. Our 3-course dinner was free, there was a generous tab on the bar and we even had Andy Pobjoy to entertain us.
Welcomes backs went to Half-a-bar, F*ckwit Phil, Donuts, Cassy, Squizzy, Fop, Her Vag, Bad Hair Day, Campaspe, Fascinator, Carpet Burns, Handy Job Joy and Pebbles. Sniffy runs were awarded to Mrs D on 898 and Donuts also on 898. As I now have the book, I can also see that we missed Pink Bits on 198! Visiting GM’s were also charged, Y2KY Jelly and Pussy, both from RPH3 and Campaspe from PMT H3.
Mountie took the floor to screw the run and began with a quote from revelations and moved on to a joke about Bad Hair Day and People Pleaser drinking at a bar together. The Earth was about to be destroyed in 7 days. Bad Hair Day asked People Pleaser what he would do in his last week. People Pleaser said he’d f*ck anything that moves. People Pleaser then asked Bad Hair Day what he was going to do with his last week. His answer was “Not move”.
Sergeant NBCL began with some footy charges that saw all the Essendon supporters charged followed by all the Melbourne supporters. We were then told that Renob saw a lady getting out of the shower, as she bends down to dry feet he says “Oh I wish I could bend like that.” People Pleaser and Half-a-bar (with a fresh hair cut) were charged for looking like Dick Emery. Half-a-bar and the tall Peninsula 4-some were charged, as the Peninsula must be giving out growth hormones. IC was charged for overuse of “Give us an A”. There was something about “For 2 Night” being 2 weeks in an Italian accent. Y2KY Jelly charged us for making the run too short, the scribe and screw are also too short. Precious was charged as someone threatened to call police at the drink stop. The GM was called incompetent, and he needs to be removed. Pus Bucket was also charged as the outgoing grog master, and a man of few words, leading to a raucous rendition of f*ck of ya c*nt. We proceeded with the awards (you had to be there for all the nominations and funny stories) and announced the new committee (see separate posts). That’s me signing off for this year. Good luck to the new scribe.
Next weeks run will be hosted by Fascinator from The Stag Hotel in Learmonth
On On
Welcomes backs went to Half-a-bar, F*ckwit Phil, Donuts, Cassy, Squizzy, Fop, Her Vag, Bad Hair Day, Campaspe, Fascinator, Carpet Burns, Handy Job Joy and Pebbles. Sniffy runs were awarded to Mrs D on 898 and Donuts also on 898. As I now have the book, I can also see that we missed Pink Bits on 198! Visiting GM’s were also charged, Y2KY Jelly and Pussy, both from RPH3 and Campaspe from PMT H3.
Mountie took the floor to screw the run and began with a quote from revelations and moved on to a joke about Bad Hair Day and People Pleaser drinking at a bar together. The Earth was about to be destroyed in 7 days. Bad Hair Day asked People Pleaser what he would do in his last week. People Pleaser said he’d f*ck anything that moves. People Pleaser then asked Bad Hair Day what he was going to do with his last week. His answer was “Not move”.
Sergeant NBCL began with some footy charges that saw all the Essendon supporters charged followed by all the Melbourne supporters. We were then told that Renob saw a lady getting out of the shower, as she bends down to dry feet he says “Oh I wish I could bend like that.” People Pleaser and Half-a-bar (with a fresh hair cut) were charged for looking like Dick Emery. Half-a-bar and the tall Peninsula 4-some were charged, as the Peninsula must be giving out growth hormones. IC was charged for overuse of “Give us an A”. There was something about “For 2 Night” being 2 weeks in an Italian accent. Y2KY Jelly charged us for making the run too short, the scribe and screw are also too short. Precious was charged as someone threatened to call police at the drink stop. The GM was called incompetent, and he needs to be removed. Pus Bucket was also charged as the outgoing grog master, and a man of few words, leading to a raucous rendition of f*ck of ya c*nt. We proceeded with the awards (you had to be there for all the nominations and funny stories) and announced the new committee (see separate posts). That’s me signing off for this year. Good luck to the new scribe.
Next weeks run will be hosted by Fascinator from The Stag Hotel in Learmonth
On On
AWARD WINNERS 2025/2026
Arso/Clubman – Rowdy
Shit Hot Run – SS (Nutcracker) – SS’s memorial run from trout hatchery
Shit House – Her Vagesty – Tour of Alfredton
Piss Pot – Cinderella - Spewed
Spectacle – Half-a-bar – Going to wrong house, SOS’s neighbour
Pot calling Kettle Black – D&C – Called SS short
Tight Arse – Disco – Watching all the money
Dummy Spit – Immaculate Conception - Over seat stealing
FIGJAM – Pigs Arse – Bin Incident
Shit Hot Run – SS (Nutcracker) – SS’s memorial run from trout hatchery
Shit House – Her Vagesty – Tour of Alfredton
Piss Pot – Cinderella - Spewed
Spectacle – Half-a-bar – Going to wrong house, SOS’s neighbour
Pot calling Kettle Black – D&C – Called SS short
Tight Arse – Disco – Watching all the money
Dummy Spit – Immaculate Conception - Over seat stealing
FIGJAM – Pigs Arse – Bin Incident
Monday, April 6, 2026
Run 2303; 06 April 2026 Committee Run, Hare Mrs Dickhead from the Golden City bandstand On After Eureka Pizza and Pasta
The Sovereign Hash went through the motions of the penultimate run of the current Committee. Mummy dearest had to set the run, we did get our Sergeant back, still no scribe, and no sunshine. It would have been difficult to top the previous weeks’ run, and so it was proved. The highlight was the passage of a train, splitting the pack with flashing lights and clanging bells, electric whistles accompanied by four of Bobby Peel’s finest interrogating a pedestrian opposite the Reptile Gulch workshop.
Drink stop set outside the back of the Town Hall, with cans accompanied by the chiming carillon as well as chips and lollies.
Once back at the bandstand, the GM welcomed new runner Jacqui, introduced by Sparrow Fart. Boner was also given a welcome back, even though he was absent. Mountie began her screw with a quote from Proverbs 15:22 (“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed"), but not in this case. Mrs D led the runners valiantly from the rear, while her second son got the walkers horribly lost both due to lack of counsel, and lack of ability to follow basic instructions. Shiggy Trail
Sergeant NBCL took a while to warm up, and once he did, had a run of Easter religious and footy related quips. D & D was asked what his spirit animal might be – “extinct” was the reply. Nummy’s father confessed towards the end of his days that he used to love to eat a bilby. She blames his dementia.
Mountie played golf during the week, had a gentleman collapse prostrate ahead of her. She calmy stepped around him and played through. Shafted demonstrated his knowledge of the inside of a massage parlour, and Pink Bits cracked the reason why Jesus is so popular.
.. because he was hung like this
It was about now that Normal pointed out that both he and Criss Cross had been away for some time, and should be welcomed back. After some discussions regarding Country Members they both got a down down.
Most proceeded to a convivial dinner at Eureka.
Next week will be a triple whammy; BLACK TIE NIGHT, AWARDS NIGHT and AGM at the Royal Oak Hotel, Raglan and South streets.
Drink stop set outside the back of the Town Hall, with cans accompanied by the chiming carillon as well as chips and lollies.
Once back at the bandstand, the GM welcomed new runner Jacqui, introduced by Sparrow Fart. Boner was also given a welcome back, even though he was absent. Mountie began her screw with a quote from Proverbs 15:22 (“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed"), but not in this case. Mrs D led the runners valiantly from the rear, while her second son got the walkers horribly lost both due to lack of counsel, and lack of ability to follow basic instructions. Shiggy Trail
Sergeant NBCL took a while to warm up, and once he did, had a run of Easter religious and footy related quips. D & D was asked what his spirit animal might be – “extinct” was the reply. Nummy’s father confessed towards the end of his days that he used to love to eat a bilby. She blames his dementia.
Mountie played golf during the week, had a gentleman collapse prostrate ahead of her. She calmy stepped around him and played through. Shafted demonstrated his knowledge of the inside of a massage parlour, and Pink Bits cracked the reason why Jesus is so popular.
.. because he was hung like this
It was about now that Normal pointed out that both he and Criss Cross had been away for some time, and should be welcomed back. After some discussions regarding Country Members they both got a down down.
Most proceeded to a convivial dinner at Eureka.
Next week will be a triple whammy; BLACK TIE NIGHT, AWARDS NIGHT and AGM at the Royal Oak Hotel, Raglan and South streets.
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