Matthew Gibney

Admin · 14 hrs

Run 1942, Hare SS from the Bunch of Grapes in Pleasant St.

A surprisingly drizzly evening greeted the pack for the Sunshine Slit extravaganza. Unfortunately the drizzly weather also greeted the chalk and flour marking the run and the whole thing ended up a schermozzle with no one having any fucking idea where the trail was meant to go.

All ended up at the drink stop in the car park of the pub and all were happy with the provisions supplied. Shafted, who commenced a tad later than usual at 1858 hrs, actually managed to cross trail with Rowdy, who was already at the drink stop by that time. Que Sera Sera.

Back for the Down Downs, and all in a good mood.

Welcome Backs to the multitude. Glider. BP. Exit. Zig. Butt Fuck. Precious. Dame Edna. " Get a life, get a life, get a life life life"

Visitors: Dame Edna, Zig, NBCL. "Give us an AAAA"

Glider got the 'Health and Safety' charge.

Anyway the screw consisted of Shafted re presenting the previously presented fly fishing book entitled " How to find fish and make them love you". SS recognised the re gifting and was too much a gentleman to say : "WTF", and took his charge with his usual good grace. - "SHITTY TRAIL". The fact that Shafted was not part of the pack was not mentioned due to SS being too much of a gentleman to say "WTF" and took his charge with his customary good grace.

Shafted then made up with his version of 'Oh SS Boy, The fish, the fish are calling' and all was forgiven.

Sergeant Mountie frocked up WITHOUT HER ST KILDA SCARF. All else pales into insignificance.

Shafted; get a wife - fencing charge

Zig; flashing his balls, not enough to impress Bitch Face (but not much does)

Pus Bucket, in a major role reversal, told Mountie's Moon Walking joke of last week to a reception that just did not understand any of the references. Ya just gotta know ya audience.

Dame Edna fell into the same trap with her retelling meeting with Michael Jackson at the Hospital For Sick Children in London; or not.

Butt Fuck got the "it goes without saying" charge

("You're Stupid...")

1942

Bombing of Darwin; BF, D&D, Nummy,

Midget Subs; Exit, Mrs D , Mountie, then as contrast Pauline , 3 for 1 (She's a Mean Mother fucker, She's a Harriette)

Zig got the 1942 Nazi charge, with SS (also Bent ?) "Zeig Heil"

Rowdy, Dumb & Dumber, and Fascinator got charged for the Kokoda 1942 anniversary, (direct ancestors involved, also trekked the Track.)

Charges from Before the Run

Nut Bush Clitty Licker ; 50 years of age. BP ; 65 years young.

Plucka got a charge for her bunny suit (literally)

Sillic for "do you want beef, lamb or fish?" ; " I was talking to the cat, you fat fuck "

BF got the obligatory Tasmania Errol Flynn 1942 charge. Errol had a reputation for fucking anything that moved. And he was Tasmanian.

A convivial meal with possibly overcooked steak (which is why you order them medium-rare) and pleasant conversation with suitable drinks followed. Snag and Mountie rode their bikes home WITHOUT GLOVES. As they do.

Next weeks run. TBA, which means Dr Death said he was going to do it but he will be 4,000 km away and not at all interested. Others will be away with him at the Darwin races but we will have a better time than them, guaranteed.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 13 hrs

Same, Same, but Different

Run 1941, Hare Road Runner from the North Britain Hotel.

A traditional pub with traditional food, traditional menu unchanged in 15 + years, traditional Hare with his traditional Run, and his traditional drink stop. What could possibly go wrong?

Answer: Nothing

A good crowd of runners, walkers, barflies and babies gathered to hear Road Runner state that he'd set 2 courses, one for Rowdy that was 13 km long, and one for all others. He needn't have bothered as the pack stayed together, counter clockwise this year, to arrive nearly simultaneously at the drink stop that served traditional cold beer in volumes to please all bar those who had a hankering for girly drinks. "Not traditional" was the rebuff to that enquiry.

Shafted arrived traditionally late, but caught the pack running into the howling gale, then served as a windbreak for the rest of the loop.

Back at the pub, the traditional blazing redgum logs in the rear beer garden threatened to send embers courtesy of the strong Northerly into multiple new puffer jackets, until most worked out that upwind was safe.

Fascinator set off proceedings with a welcome backs to Spencer Hocking (He's the meanest, he sucks the horse's penis...), then another welcome backs to Spencer Hocking.(put in in your hand, Mrs Murphy..) Other welcome backs to Spencer Hocking, GILF, Candida, Road Runner, Boot Rooter, Sillic, and of course, Spencer Hocking (they're stupid..)

Welcome backs also to perennial visitors, Scrubber, and Goanna (U G L Y, you ain't got no alibi...)

Shafted the Screw began with the mantra "Blame Rowdy", as the arrows were twice as long as tradition dictates, and the beer twice as cold. He then entranced all present with a near pornographic demonstration of the "Snatch warming butt plug" he found on the run (up near Rear Entry's house, as it happens). He then channelled his late brother , using a version of "Three Past Wives" to the tune of the nursery rhyme, with a lurid verse for each of the three. What Road Runner's current partner thought of the rendition was anybodies' guess, as Candida was distracted by the arrival of YOUNG HUGO, aka SOSOS, who managed to be (s)mothered by most of the tarts in the building for the next 2 hours.

Father SOS looked proud as punch and was not heard swearing for his entire stay.

Sergeant MOUNTIE had a bright 'as new' St Kilda scarf to finish off her ensemble. She then regaled the assembled with a series of one liners to commemorate the D anniversary of the moon landing;

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Why have no women gone to the moon? What's further away, Melbourne or the moon? Look at the moon, no it's the sun....

D&D tried to emulate her with the traditional "Mrs Kowalski" (Ya stupid...so fucking Dumb)

1941: V for victory (D&D), SS born (and circumcised)...Give us an AAA

Goanna got one for her half a Brazilian (twenty toes)

From the run:

Her Vagesty, FLOP, and Road Runner were charged for overlapping trails (SHITTY TRAIL). D&C found an on back on the walk, Normal was jealous. Fang was put in his place when he said "We can catch the walkers". Fascinator was given the :"Rate my Agent " charge for expanding the boundaries of Soldiers Hill to include all of Ballarat. Scrubber and Goanna for boasting about their accommodation (If its rocking, don't bother knocking)

Nelson brand mixer was served at the drink stop, only to return to the pub to find one arm, one eye and one ambition.

Scrubber got called out for being a fucking footy umpire (See the Bombers fly up, up....), while Lois and Pauline took one for the world cup winning Kiwi netballers.

All enjoyed the traditional meal with beer, red wine and slurred conversation, interrupted with "Happy Birthday" to NBCL, who came late and left early, smiling the whole time.

Next week's run, SS from the Bunch of Grapes.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 15 hrs

Run 1940, Hare Lois Lane from her residence.

Typically shitty Ballarat July weather all week failed to improve just because it was Monday night and the Ballarat Hash was running from Alfredton. The pack met at the home of Pauline and Lois Lane, where we were welcomed by the Fascinating GM, who greeted us with "which prick has parked in front of the drink stop car?" . Once the gender of the perpetrator (clue: not a prick) was sorted, a healthy pack of runners ran around the block, then made good use of walking trails through the suburb, making the run interesting, with varied terrain and largely sheltered from the wind and drizzle. A larger pack of walkers did their own loop and arrived at the well stocked and well chilled drink stop; after the bar flies but before the runners. Despite the chill wind a leisurely drink or two was had before the short walk back to base.

Shoes off at the front door.

The run was almost christened the 'wet spot' or 'wet sock' run, however down downs commenced with "Tommy, shut the fuck up". Which he did, briefly.

The heroics of our fellow ANZACs in London on the weekend was noted, as was the Kiwi nature of our hosts, and sympathies were genuinely expressed.

Welcomes Back to : Half a Bar, Bent Nose, and Shafted (They're stupid)

Then to Quick Dick who had to miss last week for an all expenses paid night out at the Forge. He didn't look too distressed. Also to Donuts, who was charged for having a Hash name that the GM could actually wear in public. (U.G.L.Y)

Sniffy C#unt runs D&D 1116, Fascinator 116 (Put in in your hand, Mrs Murphy)

Shafted the Screw was next up. Whingeing. "6.47 start" "the wind was too strong/cold/wet". Accused Dimwit of collecting all the shoes left at the front door. (Who let the shoes in?) Forgot to screw the run until reminded, then "the second 8 km was superb".

Lois took the Down Down (She's all right...then SHITTY TRAIL)

Mountie the Sergeant fronted despite the prophetic blood red stain on her St Kilda scarf. 1940; McDonalds came into existence, Half a Bar was reminded of his "This will never last" comment. Then she actually screwed the run and got Lois out the front (ya stupid)

Kiwis were next for the "Youse were robbed" charge (Build a Bonfire....)

Charges from Before the Run

Nutcracker for putting her G-string on backwards, eventually noticing. (you ought to be publicly pissed on... ) Dimwit for parking so well he backed into the rubbish bin (no no no, bin bin bin, down down down)

other charges; Bitch Face had a number of charges relating to the absence (apparently) of any big cocks at Hash. 'Twas a cold night.....

Fang was upset due to the shoes at the front door doing him out of a steam cleaning rip off job.

FOP had a charge just like the beer (it went flat)

Rowdy charged the GM for failing to welcome him back.

Winston Churchill's (Never... ) speech was resurrected.

Next weeks run, after much equivocation, will be at the North Britain Hotel < Hare Road Runner, trail as previous.

Meat Loaf and scalloped potatoes, green and orange vegetables, dessert and red wine, and Normal settling in for the night followed.

They done good.

8 - 7 - '19   Run 1939  Nth Bowling Club

I want a pay rise - Scribe's slipped the collar again - 
this time unannounced, & allegedly running in Qld.
Hash 30 for HER VAGESTY's run around the North - 
12 super athletes, about 15 walkers, 2 bar flys, & then 
SILIC driving to the Drink-stop. There wasn't even the 
loud, grandiose, late entry of SHAFFY. 
The run went down the hills for quite a while, thru' the 
Rail Station & down Mair, for brief run in the fabulous 
East along Peel. That's when the "equal & opposite 
reaction" kicked in, up thru' the hills of 'Soldiers', & on 
to the well stocked Iron Bark (& some Yankee brew) 
Drink-stop & chips. We obviously dodged FOP's 
home brew !!
Back at the Circle, GM FASCINATOR called "thank you 
very much", then there was a long silence.
Mystery Bus Helpers LOIS LANE, MRS DICKHEAD, 
MOUNTIE, PLUCKA & PAULINE were 1st drinks.
                     (Give us an Aaaa ...) ... from SQUIZZY.
Welcomes back for SILIC ( what's been seen in that 
photo, cannot be unseen !!), & SQUIZZY - that turned 
out to be a rebound for FASCINATOR.
In yet another night of stand-ins, no-one volunteered, 
so FOP got to screw HER VAG. He resurrected his 
FOP-ometer, using MOUNTIE's Saint's Scarf. 
The angles ranged from 60 deg. down to 20, as he 
recounted the run - very well marked (by him), 
Drink-stop well stocked with different beers, to a 
resting angle of 45 deg.
                 (Shitty trail ..... )  ... SQUIZZY again, 
Sniffyc*nt runs for FOP 380, DIMWIT 77 & 
THE BILL 1644.
                (Give us an Aaaa ...), & then SQUIZZY was
sacked, in favour of someone with the same name as
HEAD HUNTER, who knows all the songs.
A sniffyc*nt birthday for PAULINE - Happy 65.
                          (Hashy Birthday f*ck you !!),
A Hashy Birthday for the absent BEERFUCK - 
you'll do PEBBLES.
             (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ..... ),
MOUNTIE asked the Bus Driver what we owed - $550, 
& what about if D&C has sex with you on the 
back seat? Still $550 !!
                       (She's a harriette .... ),
Sergeant MOUNTIE - 1939 was the start of the War, 
so drinks for DIMWIT (Kaczkowski), & last week's 
top soldier TEFLON.
             (A soldier ..., to piss ..., for c_untry ... ),
PEBBLES for invading a Polish person, although 
he did pull out before Hitler, & 1 for SILIC, one 
of Mahatma Gandhi's 17 fasts.
                (There's a game called 20 toes ....... ),
FASCINATOR charged FOP for getting a better ride 
on HER FANNY than him, and DUMBER to MOUNTIE 
for mis-spelling Snag.
          (You're stupid, you're so f*cking dumb .... ),
MRS D charged BITCHFACE & MOUNTIE for sending 
bulk texts to the hung-over NUTCRACKER after the 
Mystery Bus.
                       (They're alright ....... ),
PUSBUCKET & SPARTACUS had spent Saturday 
night at the nudie bar.
BENTNOSE was absent for the, "he thinks he's the 
best thing since sliced bread" charge, so you're 
next in line NORMAL.
             (This is your down down song ..... ),
NUMMY charged HER VAG for the run taking us 
past all the hard rubbish - beds, tables, chairs & toys 
- we could have easily furnished a house, & then 
TEFLON to SQUIZZY & THE BILL - "What does a 
Halt mean?"
MRS D charged runners NUTCRACKER, 
HEAD HUNTER & D&C for finding out how quick 
the walk was, once they had joined in. 
                         (Give us an Aaa .... ),
Poiter NUTBUSHCLITTYLICKER had a drink for 
making it just in time for the Circle, then PEBBLES 
charged the "missing on the run" FASCINATOR 
- vote was taken to not look for him.
PAULINE charged LOIS LANE for going to a show, 
instead of seeing her team in the Grand Final.
                     (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ..... ),
Deepest Sympathy to BITCHFACE for the untimely
 passing of her Dad at 73.
Next week's run - 1940 - Hare LOIS LANE, 
On on 53 Sorrento Dve., On after Top Eureka.
Most enjoyable home cooked Bill of Fare from 
HER VAG - Pulled Pork, Chilli Non Carne, 
Tuna/Corn casserole, deserts of Eton Mess Trifle 
& Buttercake.
Call was out to "wash your own plates", but seems 
that many had the "noise cancellers" on, so the usual 
suspects stepped in, while the usual suspects didn't!! 

1st - 7 - '19. Run 1938 Mystery Bus

Hash 28 to sign the book for the Mystery Bus trip to .... umm Linton. The GM made sure Buxtons had left the office fire on, for our comfort, partaking refreshment.

They said "dress up", & the usual suspects did, & the usual suspects didn't. The 3 services of military from various countries were covered, some so camouflaged they were out of sight, & some could've easily joined the Village People, with 'big hair' that made Hairless Harry Hawkes cry in his beer. There was plenty of skin & fishnets on show for such a cold night. Rambo was there, & the Chinese Army - even Clarke Kent to celebrate the year of the 1st Superman comic.

We were busy sucking on 'Roger', with the Mystery Bus quite a way up Sturt, when they realised we needed to return to the Sheltered Workshop for Hash cutlery, that someone with the same name as

MRS DICKHEAD had forgotten.

2nd stop was at Cuthbert's Rd to pick up the 'organisers', the 3rd at Lucas for more grog - we'd already emptied the esky - disorganised GM ?? They gave the Hash Horn one job, & he forgot to bring 'it' - we almost went to Rememberance Drive.

We continued on thru' Haddon, on to the token run & (piss stop) at the Smythesdale Football Oval.

Obviously a left turn back onto Glenelg Hwy wasn't taking us to Linton, & we finished at the Motorbike Clubrooms at the Airport, welcomed by barman DONUTS.

Welcomes back for BIG DOG, BAT WOMAN, NORMAL (from the Himalayas), HER FANNY (with the welcome front) & Michelle.

TEFLON was voted best dressed, with SHAFFY the most un-1938.

(Who do you think .... Mr Hitler?),

Sergeant MOUNTIE charged PLUCKA (with sommet?), then LOIS LANE for being in the 1st Superman Comic.

(They're the meanest ..... ),

BIG DOG had a drink to celebrate the Seeing Eye Dogs, (Woof woof),

......... & NUMMY for her 'abo roots'. (She's a Harriette).

BP & BENTNOSE, and HEAD HUNTER & QUICKDICK had drinks for the 1938 Honeymoon is Over.

(Give us an A ...... ),

NORMAL charged MOUNTIE - she'd been shopping in Melb., then St Kilda (football?), & back in Ballarat, said to someone "how the fuck are you going?" - he was a stranger!!

BITCHFACE had a charge for NUTCRACKER's slutty version of BP in uniform, then QUICKDICK to

MRS DICKHEAD not being in slutty gear.

(She's alright ........... ),

SHAFTED charged MRS D - "from where I stand, I can't see HER FANNY", then TEFLON to the Navy

Girls, D&C and NUTCRACKER. NUTCRACKER said 'Poiter' wasn't here tonight,

"but he might cum later" - who knew??

(Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ............. ),

FOP had charges for GM FASCINATOR's warm beer, & the Girls in commo gear.

(They're alright .............. ),

Plenty of beer, wine, roast & veg. was enjoyed by all, along with seconds of food - well SILIC wasn't

there was he??

The frivolity continued with dancing to the ghetto blaster, with Clarke Kent soon to reveal his Superman

cape above the skimpy boxers - obviously the "HER VAG factor" kicked in , & we were spared FOP's

full Monty.

Next week's run - 1939 - Hare HER VAGESTY,

On On: North B'rat Bowling Club.

On After: Same same.