Wednesday, May 23, 2018

21 - 5 - '18        Run 1880       City Oval

SPARTACUS - Hare for the Lion's Den run with the Hash 38.
PEBBLES called the reverance, closely followed by the very
sweary QUICKDICK - (HEAD HUNTER used to get loud 
occasionally !!). Welcome's back were for HOTLIPS
SQUIZZY & Paul Bearer.
SPARTACUS said the run was marked in pink paint, & to 
stay on trail. We'd probably have to help the Redan Girls at
training, then go past the prestigious real estate of the West.
We revisited a few of the night cart lanes, then a circuit of the
Western Oval, with not a lot of trail to that point, & none after 
the end of Russell St. Over to the lake & back to the 
Drink-stop on the stair well of the Grand Stand.
Back at the Circle PEBBLES firstly called out the welcome's
backers.               (Here's to the returners ..... ).
Screw MOUNTIE needed to get in early to screw SPARTACUS
before PUSBUCKET was there lurking. She said "What a pity
we're not at a pub", seeing as she had her brand new Senior's
Card. Of the trail, she said there was 1 On Back, bugger all 
marks & everyone calling "Where's trail?". Then came the 
Drive mag & limerick, & that's when SHAFFY was on his 
knees at crutch level in front of HEAD HUNTER.
                               (Shitty Trail ..... ).
DONUTS was stand-in for the Grogmaster while she swans 
around in Bali with the Religious Adviser & the other 
Aussies, behaving badly in her Bintang singlet.
SHAFFY had spent the weekend at the coast for the 
sister-in-law & others to do the various runs, & when they 
asked "which one are you doing?" he said, "I'll just do Deb". 
SPARTACUS, PUSBUCKET & MOUNTIE were up next with
half a pumpkin, as Peter the Pumpkin Eater, & SPARTACUS
stayed out for his first "car" - a chariot.
                                (Swing low ..... ).
Sniffyc*nt runs were HALF A BAR 1137 & 
                                    HEAD HUNTER 'old 55'.
                     (This is your down down song ........).
NUM & DUMB went to the football & Carlton touched the ball
once, & that's when DUMB said " that's how they do it" - 
(maybe that's meant to be a question).
ROWDY charged MOUNTIE for being like Duchess Meghan & 
"just wanting to fuck the Royal Family".
                                 (You're stupid ....... ).
MRS DICKHEAD had a charge for MOUNTIE & the wine 
(bottles) she had drunk the day before at PMT, & ROWDY 
called out PIMP as the SILIC doppelganger.
                                  (You're ugly ........ ).
NUMMY charged PLUCKA for finally finishing her Degree
after 14 years, while Paul gave PLUCKA the 3rd degree.
SHAFTED charged DR DEATH for joining Redan F.C. with
his hareeeem, & of course the call went out for "as 1 Dr 
drinks .....", but DR ROWDY was hiding behind a post & come
to think of it, where was QUICKDICK?
                                  (He's the meanest ...... ).
ROWDY had a 'cougar charge' for the absent D&C and 
NUTCRACKER, after the cougar in USA killed the cyclist, so
PLUCKA scored another drink.
DIMWIT came out for a drink since he added all of his mates
to the Sov. Hash Facebook page - all those that we're never
likely to see at Hash, then DUMBER kept tight-arsed DIMWIT
(called him TIP TOP) out there for not wanting to pay for tea.
Never let the truth get in the way - MRS D gave a drink to
BAD HEAD JOB for saying ROWDY won't decipher the pink
arrows, then SPARTACUS was up for 2 drinks for phoning
DR DEATH looking for help to set the run, then to SHAFTED 
for the Hash cutlery.
SHAFFY couldn't tell who's who, running along behind 
CHRIS CROS & BITCHFACE , BENTNOSE charged 
MASTABAIT for wanting a kick to kick at the girls' training,
only to be told "fuck off old man", & DONUTS to BENT for
saying that the woman next door "had her pussy against
the window".
                    (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ......... ).
The Royal Wedding charges were about - for SQUIZZY from
MRS D for having the USA bride, & BP from ROWDY for the 
Royal Wedding bingo night. 
                               ( ..... burn the f*ckin' lot).
BENTNOSE charged PIMP & Richy for 'staying in position'
after their charges, & then NUMMY for the anal BENT
needing a spelling correction.
                               (No, no, Bad, bad ........ ).
SHAFFY was sporting the 'lovely gloves' that he'd found
(& Deb reno'd) & then bird nerd MASTABAIT was corrected -
it was an 'Old Coot', or in HEAD HUNTER's case, a 'Small Tit'.
                           (Do your tits hang low ........).
PEBBLES charged BITCHFACE for having the run stop 
outside of her 'new' house, BAR LICKER was happy with the
current wool price, & f*ckin' HALF A f*ckin' BAR was real 
f*ckin' happy with the f*ckin' wool price.
DR DEATH charged MOUNTIE for dragging out the PMT to
7:30 from 1:30, then ROWDY to PIMP (the SILIC Mini Me)
for sitting down after his charge.
HOTLIPS had a drink for her husband 'rooting' DR DEATH's
knee, then BITCHFACE reckons DR DEATH was the oldest
teenager at Karova.
GLIDER had the Bendigo drink - apparently no-one wants to
live there, then to DIMWIT from LOIS LANE with the horny
& hungry gag - where to put the cucumber?
DIMWIT's zinger - Wally finds himself at the Therapist - 
Where's Wally?
Thanks to the Redan Girls for the BBQ, salads, bar & 
clean up - SILIC had 3 goes before the cake.

Next weeks run - 1881 - Hare CHRIS CROS from 
Queen's Head.  
                   

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

14 - 5 - '18    Run 1879   Bunch of Grapes

"Hash 38 for NORMAL & BAIT at the Grapes" (well, it nearly
works !!). ROWDY became stand-in Choirmaster for a bit, to 
intro GM PEBBLES for the welcome. 
NORMAL said the run was about 5K, a bit uphill & down, & 
would be running thru' someone's house, "so keep your feet
clean". As we headed off, Trailmaster DUMB was at pains to 
slow the speeding athletes, so as to wait for the late cumming
few to order eats. Trail took us South to Leith St. along to 
the track by the creek, then uphill & thru' the half 'finished'
shed, along the track by Skipton St, & back toward the 
Drink-stop by the Pub. It was good to hear Hash Horn
TEFLON's 1st ever solo recital in South Street. NORMAL &
MASTABAIT had stocked up on the Crownies for the Stop -
maybe thinking everyone would 'do a NORMAL' & collar a 
couple of travellers, & of course, it was MASTABAIT's 
vehicle to stow away all the emptys - well who else's?
Back at the noisy circle, all were silenced to hear BP say her
"shut the fuck up !!" HER VAG was called out to receive her
100 Run Cup, only to find the cheap-arses had given her an
"un-inscribed left-over Nash Hash job" - ohh, that AMP.
PEBBLES had welcomes back for BEER FUCK, BAR LICKER,
CANDIDA, ROAD RUNNER, BOOTROOTER & GLIDER, & then
they ushered in the so called "Best Screw in Hash" MOUNTIE,
who straight away reduced last week's co-hares, D&C &
NUTCRACKER to Old Bangers, for hijacking the board.
To screw NORMAL & BAIT, she talked about the 'old croc' in
the back of NORMAL's shed, the HH mark that could be 
'seen from space', & the I I C in the circle, that fell just short
of H C. Then she presented the Drive car mag along with the 
limerick, to make the pair Club House Leaders, with the
Red Charger Award.
                                   (Shitty Trail .... ).
Sergeant SHAFFY gave the co-hares the Green Falcon's 
Award, then had all the Mothers out together for their
Mother's Day drink. 
                               (They're alright ..... ).
GEORGE PELL-ICAN was standing tall on the bar, after 
DR DEATH left him at the Western last week. 
Fog horn NORMAL didn't need the loud hailer to call out
CRIS CROS for talking at the circle. LOIS LANE danced along
with her sight gag about BENTNOSE turning gay, but said he
was really only "bum eating a Mintie". 
                        (He's a mean Mother Fucker ...... ).
MOUNTIE had a charge for 'Football Coach' DR DEATH, & his
chain smoking on the boundary line while watching the 
girls training, then DR DEATH charged PEBBLES for being 
seen driving round town with a Car Dealer.
NUMMY gave MOUNTIE a drink for being the 'drunkest ever'
on the Melbourne Trip, & then DR DEATH called out PIMP
for giving a free kick to the opposition, while umpiring the
son's football match. PIMP stayed out for SILIC's charge 
for him changing his run from Queen's Birthday - the 
cheapest run night when hardly anyone shows up - but,
of course, a rebound for SILIC, the Tight-Arsed Prick.
                         (Bull shit, it all sounds like B.S ..... ).
ROWDY had a charge for BAR LICKER - making it public
that she'd played with HALF A BAR till he ejaculated ..... !
      Out came QD & HH's new song to the tune of YMCA
          (Young girl, I want to spray you with my DNA).
D&C charged PEBBLES for 'vandalising' the lid of a 
letterbox on the run, FOP to FANG for having to handle 4
women at the Grape Escape, then SILIC "why didn't FANG 
phone a friend?"
FOP was pissed off that 2 of the Committee (NUTCRACKER
& D&C) could be cooking the books by going off to Bali, when
they couldn't afford to inscribe HER VAG's cup.
NUMMY charged all the Seniors, seeing as they'll come out
on top in the Budget - GLIDER, SS, THE BILL, MASTABAIT
& CRIS CROSMRS D had a charge for MOUNTIE coming
3rd in the race for 60 - 90 yr olds, then ROWDY told his 
egg gag. 
           Another new song ( get back in the kitchen .... ).
NORMAL charged QUICK DICK for having to ask 
HEAD HUNTER for the new songs, then DR DEATH to 
NUTCRACKER's being surprised that we have to pay for
down downs - she never has to pay for drinks when she 
goes out !!
SHAFTED didn't get charged for his new shoes last week, so
this week put on new socks, only to get shoes & socks wet -
even licked out the last drops.
MOUNTIE said about BEERFUCK learning the Ukelele, & he 
assured us that it wasn't too late to go & get it, but then
PEBBLES had the gag about "5 more ukes found in the car
'after' it was unlocked". BEERFUCK then drank to celebrate 
the life of recently passed Mother in Law.
                             (Mrs Murphy .... ).
ROWDY had all the husbands out who were still with the 
original wife - QUICK DICK, PIMP, THE BILL, MASTABAIT,
NORMAL & SPARTACUS.
                          (Get a life, get a life ........ ).
DR DEATH passed on DIMWIT's weekly/weakly zinger - 
what food on bonfire night? - Bangers!!
A shout out to The Bunch for holding meals - originally 
weren't having a bar of 9pm until NORMAL thumped the
Bar with the Boss.

Next week's run - 1880 - Hare SPARTACUS from Lion's Den 
Rooms at the City Oval - not the Pub.


Tuesday, May 8, 2018

7 - 5 - '18        Run 1878        The Western.

DAZED & CONFUSED teamed up with Birthday Girl 
NUTCRACKER for the Hairy Run with all the wigs. 16 super
athletes took to the trail, with some confusion at the start, but
quickly sorted after a bit of cackling (aka NUTCRACKER'ing),
as she was soon to display her pink bits - this time a hair-tie
on the road. Was MOUNTIE 'on heat' (or just tying shoe-laces) 
bending over for an obvious invitation? CHRIS CROS, only a 
couple of weeks into Hash Cashing, had to abort his run, only
15 minutes in, returning to the Pub to retrieve the Cash and
Tin from the table. After a fair bit of zig-zagging round the 
local 'night-man' lanes, trail took us to the Drink-Stop at the
NUTCRACKER workshop. Numbers swelled close to 40, with 
the N.C. offspring excelling at waiter service with the chips - 
even plenty of salt & vinegar to go round (in the absence of
one BENTNOSE !!).
At the Circle, PEBBLES called out D&C for her 100 Runs.
Screw MOUNTIE said that with so much cackling & yelling
from the 2 Hares, it might as well have been 'live'.
(Apparently) GEORGE PELL-ICAN lost his virginity in the 
back of NUTCRACKER's car. MOUNTIE read out the bit from
the Drive car mag, then the limerick, & ended up giving the
the co-hares the Red HO Falcon award.
Sergeant SHAFTED called out sniffyc*nt runs - PLUCKA 181,
NUTCRACKER 40, JITTERBUG 39 & PIMP 21. It was up to
MRS QUICKDICK to take them away.
                    (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ..... ).
LADY TRAMP had been with the 'elite' (well, SHAFFY was 
there as well), at the Grape Escape, along with FOP
HER VAG.
          (Put your right leg over my shoulder ....)  
          HEAD HUNTER's still got more ).
NORMAL had a charge for DUMB & DUMBER. When D&D 
was boss of the 'Sheltered Workshop - Carover BBQ', he 
regularly charged Mrs Hayes (NORMAL's Mother-in-Law)
$450 a time, regardless of needing a service or not, & not
particularly helping NORMAL's inheritance a great deal. Now
that the new guard has taken over ie: Henry, Mrs Hayes gets
told "there's no need for a service, we'll just check the oil &
water". Of course, the rebound was from DONUTS - DUMBER
was the excellent businessman, & maybe NORMAL needs
some financial advice - there's always PEBBLES at ...... umm,
....... err, shoosh, .... whisper, ..... a ..... m ..... p.
                       (U.g.l.y. ..... you're ugly).
HALF A BAR had a f*ckin' charge for f*ckin' DR f*ckin' DEATH,
since H/BAR thinks he's been dropped by the DR, "like a bag
of f*ckin' shit". He reckons the DR "got all the roots, but 
didn't try him".
SHAFTED gave NUTCRACKER the Happy 52 Birthday drink,
& wanted to know if the Shop was called Taboo or should it
be Tabooz. 
                        (Happy Birthday f*ck you ...... ).
PUSBUCKET charged DR DEATH for his height of decadence,
driving the Jag all of 150 M from Pub to Drink-Stop, & of 
course, when 1 DR drinks ........ !
                         (No, no, bad, bad ...... ).
CHRIS CROS gave HALF A BAR a drink on account of the 
Budget coming from Morrisons (?), then DUMBER to 
MOUNTIE for sending the F.O. message re: the football,
when he replied, "you mean Fantastic Outcome?" - seems
Melbourne won for a change.

Next weeks run - 1879 - Co-hares MASTABAIT & NORMAL
from the Bunch of Grapes, Pleasant St. - (bet it's BAIT's car!).

DIMWIT left us with his customary zinger - similarity of Cher 
to Ballarat's weather - neither is fucking Sonny/sunny.

  

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

30 - 4 - '18           Run 1877            Karova

BITCHFACE (in virgin mode again after a long spell) was in 
charge. PEBBLES tried in vain to get some reverance from 
the mob, until NORMAL had to bellow it out.
Of the run, she said, "Er, what can I say, it's up & down, & flat
.... marked in chalk & a Drink Stop.
The super athletes headed off to the East, eventually 
reaching the Bakery Hill flag, where SQUIZZY adopted the
position for the chant, then short cut it by a line or 2 (where
were you BENT?).
The well stocked Drink Stop was in the back of the renovated
Dodge - just outside of DR DEATH's erection in Camp St ( I'm
betting he left the top flouros on to show off !!) ... Oh, & did 
you notice the fence DIMWIT ?
On After & PEBBLES had welcome's back for SQUIZZY
LADY TRAMP, LITTLE EVIL & SOS.
                            (This is your down down song ... ).
Screw MOUNTIE 'savaged' the virgin hare, saying trail was
everywhere, too short & Drink Stop not much, then called on
DIMWIT for a score - 10 out of 10, & then for a pick of the 
Car Board - 'Chrysler Award' followed closely by the 
limerick.              (Shitty Trail).
Sergeant SHAFTED's 1st was for QUICKDICK's 50th run
last week & HEAD HUNTER's 52nd.
DR DEATH called out the 'virgin bitch' - "What did you do 
towards the run?" PUSBUCKET set it, I (DR D) got the grog,
& you didn't even hand out the chips.
NUMMY charged tight arsed DUMBER for "can't possibly 
but a new stove" ( after SILIC bought the old one), but then
buying into a new race horse.
SHAFTED wanted BENTNOSE to explain the meaning of
dissident, but said that according to Barry James it's,
"is this a dent or dissadent?"
                              (No balls at all ...........).
DR DEATH charged DUMBER for taking 18 months to reno
the Deflowering Dodge, only to get to Vic Roads to have a 
'blue' with the women behind the jump. DUMBER returned
fire to the DR over the size of the lovely blue mattress we
passed on the run.
STUBBY arrived in civvies, & was joined by DONUTS for 
no Hash gear.            (They're the meanest ..... ).
HEAD HUNTER was into FOP for not getting her key-ring,
so the presentation was made, with FOP saying that she was
the best Choirmaster ever, bringing all the new songs etc.
                    (Bullshit, it all sounds like bullshit ...... ).
MOUNTIE charged DR DEATH for his effort as the Bocci
team-mate, then the DR charged D&C, NUTCRACKER &
BITCHFACE for giving up what? - rooting or drinking.
                     (What a wank, wank, wank ........ ).
FASCINATOR charged LADY TRAMP for slipping him a 
sausage at Bunnings while he was with HER FANNY &
CRUTCHLESS, then DUMBER charged PEBBLES for not
going to goal with his AMP mates.
D&C had been "chatting online" to upgrade flight details,
when a message came back from PEBBLES - Flight Updated.
                     (No no, bad bad, down down).
DR DEATH called out MRS DICKHEADFOP & HER VAG for
being awkward in the same room together, then BHD to 
BENTNOSE for the Cosmic Psychos sign on the wall, but 
they said, "Boo hiss", bring back DIMWIT for a zinger - 
Greek women in the sauna - "grillers" in the mist.
FOP bought up the Richmond theme song, with everyone
joining in, but REAR ENTRY still hasn't learnt the words,
but he did guarantee a winning horse at Mortlake tomorrow.
                  (Bullshit, it all sounds like bullshit ..... ).
BENTNOSE reckons QUICKDICK will still follow in 
HEAD HUNTER's footsteps, but fills more than just her 
shoes, then NORMAL bought old mate MASTABAIT a drink,
saying that he's an intelligent bloke etc etc., but didn't know
why the magnificent moon stayed in place - shouldn't it just 
fall down??
PUSBUCKET charged GILF for loving TEFLON's non-stick
properties, & LADY TRAMP for staying in the background
not wanting to be noticed.
Sergeant SHAFFY shouted NORMAL a drink for his erection
that's still standing at the SMB, then DR DEATH to SOS for 
texting D&C in her car.
D&C was looking for some Religious Adviser practise, so 
had BITCHFACE on her knees ..... arise KAROVA ..... to many
boo's & hisses .... BITCHFACE, BITCHFACE ...guess it sticks.
21 Eureka pizzas kept the seagulls happy for a while, until we
got a glimpse of SILIC trawling thru' the flurry of empty boxes
for the dog scraps.
DIMWIT was at the top of the steps on his way home, when 
REAR ENTRY called him for another zinger, & back he came ...
with the magician's dog ..... Abracadbrador (no less!!).

Next weeks run - 1878 - the Hairy/Harey Run - co-hares D&C,
& NUTCRACKER from the Western Hotel.



                                                                                          

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

23 - 4 - '18        Run 1876        The Grapes

THE BILL's run to get new GM PEBBLES off & running, 
(no pun!), & the GM was keen to sport the "Coat of Many 
Names" - maybe to conceal his 'shameful' AMP insignia -
think he'll go to jail?
THE BILL made sure we had torches for the fairly short run,
then 16 super athletes headed off in the fabulous East, firstly
along the creek, & then up the 1st hill of Bradshaw. Another
hill, a couple of halts & on backs later, & we were at the 
Pop-up shop - you know - where we usually have it, but this
time we'd run anti-clockwise, & then along came the half a 
dozen bar flys.
FASCINATOR, decked out in his daily "rip o..... gear" the 
Buxton Suit, met us outside the Pub, obviously keen to stuff
up another gag.
Our private circle (rectangle) on the veranda, shielded the 
other patrons from the "usual", & the new GM got underway,
with welcomes back for MRS DICKHEAD (bet she's back all 
year now), REAR ENTRY & PIMP.
                             (They're the meanest .... ).
Charges may include, but not limited to ........!
MOUNTIE was glad that her 1st Screw was THE BILL, & 
trotted out the Car Rating Board, giving him a 'Commodore'
rating, & then the limerick about THE BILL chasing Hash 
Tarts up the hill for a thrill.
                              (Shitty Trail ...........).
Stand-in Sergeant CHRIS CROS started out with a charge
for DUMBER & DUMBER & the flash car that he drives.
                    (This is your down down song ....).
NUMMY charged NUTCRACKER for the Nutcracker Position,
& was no sooner flat on her back, with legs in the air 
to demonstrate.
HALF A BAR charged the GM for his association with AMP,
& then PLUCKA had a drink for sitting down at the 'circle'.
SS charged THE BILL for his letter to the walkers prior to
walking ....... "Dear Wankers ..... signed by The Pill".
MOUNTIE called out RA DAZED & CONFUSED for the 
"Oh what a night (63)", & then the chorister duo 
HEAD HUNTER & QUICK DICK gave us their pre-Anzac song
from Vietnam.
BITCHFACE arrived later on in civvies & was duly charged,
along with the suited FASCINATOR, & DUMBER with his
Sheltered Workshop attire.
DR DEATH charged PEBBLES for running into some prickles
after the Drinkstop, then SILIC & PIMP the Austin Powers, 
Mini Me charge as the look-a-likes. 
SILIC & PIMP stayed out for another drink for the Melbourne
Trip a couple of years back, when SILIC got the arse from
PIMP's car & the mob came home without him, then MOUNTIE 
was charged for being 'no stranger' to the Pearl Necklace.
                          (Hymn, hymn ... f*ck hymn).
They saw the dreadlock brigade on the opposite steps, & BHD
was promptly dragged out for not having any, (but that's what 
he's gettin' next).
QUICK DICK became the stand-in DIMWIT with his 'Shit zoo' 
gag, & DONUTS with one about (? .. can't read the notes),
the 3rd day of Easter, but the Earth is round - dunno!
An abundance of grog at this stage & bereft of charges (just
like when BENTNOSE is here!!), so all those who haven't been 
charged - out the front.
FASCINATOR charged PEBBLES for getting rid of "all of his 
bush" - in the garden.
The GM got some heckling after announcing next weeks run
from the Western - wrong !!
Next weeks run - 1876 - Hare BITCHFACE at Victoria Bowling,
Victoria St (ummm ... rear entry .... so to speak).
Food was then delivered ably by Petra from Czech Republic to
Mr Death, One & a Half Bars & others.

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

16 - 4 - '18           Run 1875            AGM

The "FOF" AGM (f*ck off FOP) from North Bowling, that saw
a Hash 35 congregation. HEAD HUNTER called us around for
her last time, & then FOP went thru' his. He had welcomes 
back for EGG & BACON, & KOK UP (put your hand up 
KOK UP - think we'll leave that to Dr ROWDY!!), CANDIDA
& ROAD RUNNER
HER VAG told us that the run would be cold & wet, not very 
long, & marked in 'spray' chalk. 15 Bar Flys stayed back to
drink, play bowls & drink again, while FASCINATOR had 
breathing trouble, & was back after only part of the run.
The Drink-stop was only down the block, & well stocked,
complete with plenty of chips (forget about the salt & 
vinegar - seagull BENT was lurking). NORMAL & LOIS LANE
had to console one of the locals, who thought we should
have given the neighbourhood prior warning of our
impending 'flash mob'. D&C was looking for a 'warm hand'
when she 'came', & then MOUNTIE said that she'd been 
running round in circles - aren't the blocks up that way
fairly square-ish?
At the circle, FOP had welcomes back drinks for KOK UP,
EGG & BACON, CANDIDA, ROAD RUNNER & PRECIOUS,
& then for the horde of past GM's. FANG was there as well
to collect his key ring from last week.
                              (Get a life, life, life).
FASCINATOR was there for his final screw - "the GM's 
partner", HER VAG, saying "it's where no-one's been".
In the end, he'd only done part of the run, couldn't be 
stuffed, & had a fascination level of "nuthin' ".
                               (Shitty trail ....).
SPENCER HOCKING was next for his final 'Sergeanting'
(much to DIMWIT's delight) & charged PLUCKA for sitting 
down during the circle, and KOK UP & FOP were there for 
some reason (?) as well.
                  (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ..... ).
HEAD HUNTER, LOIS, FOP, DUMBER, DR DEATH, SS, & 
ROAD RUNNER were up there for the palindromic charge.
      ...... Ohhh, here we go ....... (Oughta be ... ).
LOIS told her 3 man gag where the 3rd man didn't come,
& as 1 joker drinks, out come the other dimwits, f*ckin' 
HALF A f*ckin' BAR & DIMWIT.
                       (She's a harriette .......).
CRUTCHLESS & HER VAG were next for setting half of the
run each, then D&C charged Richie for not wanting to know
any of the Hashers when he saw them at the Miner's Tavern.
EGG & BACON had GILF & TEFLON out for GILF being
exactly like TEFLON, then PEBBLES to DIMWIT at the 
Lal Lal run, saying about the car's blinkers .... yes, no,
yes, no, & as 1 dimwit drinks, you too HALF A BAR
                               (No no, bad bad ....,.,).
DUMBER gave ROAD RUNNER the Hawthorn 'Hawks'
charge, SHAFTED charged PEBBLES & FASCINATOR -
just how come FASCINATOR came back from the run with
a sore throat, & QUICKDICK was in there somewhere for
having no Hash gear.
MOUNTIE charged DIMWIT for saying on the run, "whenever
you have an erection, you should build a fence around it".
DR DEATH charged JITTERBUG for not knowing West from
East, & as 1 Dr drinks, you too ROWDY, QUICK DICK
DR DEATH.            ( No ).
EXIT was next for the U turn, & FASCINATOR for his 
optometrist gag, then all the jokers drank - HALF A BAR,
DIMWIT & LOIS. The "little miss muffet & the kurds got
in the way" was next, & of course, DIMWIT chimed in with 
the "Italian suppository - the innuendo", (he must open a 
f*ckin' lot of bon-bons !!).
BP disgraced herself, spilling the red wine, & then 
CRUTCHLESS congratulated HEAD HUNTER for knowing 
all of the songs.
SHAFTED gave us a lengthy demo on the resurrected 
Flop O Meter that gave FOP another drink, & then the last 
charge of the "FOP watch", was for DIMWIT & his adulation
of SPENCER HOCKING's demise, but as 1 dimwit drinks, 
you too HALF A BAR.
FOP's over the moon by this stage, & eager to announce 
the new GM - enter PEBBLES & "The year of the Car".
He mentioned "raise the bar, & lower the bar", & now,
at least it's still rhyming.
New Committee are Sergeant SHAFTED, Screw MOUNTIE,
Trail Master DUMB & DUMBER, Choir Master QUICKDICK,
Religious Adviser & Hash Flash DAZED & CONFUSED
Hash Horn TEFLON, Hash Cash CHRIS CROS, Grog Master
NUTCRACKER, Keeper of the Book PLUCKA, & Scribe,
(repeat offender) BAD HEAD JOB.
QUICK DICK was charged for dressing up in civvies for the
night, new GM PEBBLES for the dodgy AMP deals caught 
out by the Royal Commission, & "Year of the Car", piped in 
by the music "Jump in my Car".
The booze flowed all night on the "Hash Tab", & bill of fare
was Chicken Pieces & various salads, followed by cakes,
chocolate & vanilla, & peppermint creams.

Next week's run - 1876 - Hare THE BILL, at The Grapes,
                                                                         Grant Street.


                       




   

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

9 - 4 - '18        Run 1874        Mystery Bus

The "fabulous East" was the new start point for the annual 
mystery bus trip - "not going anywhere near the City Oval" 
spruiked the GM for his pen-ultimate night in the Chair. They
paraded in various levels of feathers & guns for the 
"Gangster's Ball". We paid our dues & attached the obligatory 
wrist band - (no glasses) which bit rips off anyway?" 
The bus appeared from Avoca - have we pissed off Gold Bus 
that much? We take off further toward the East, when the 
Coach Captain grounds the front of the bus on the tarmac -
scrape, groan, scrape - get up to the back of the f*ckin' bus 
SILIC & SHAFTED, & take some weight off of the front. We
scraped thru', to a resounding chorus of "do it again" - who'd
be the driver for that mob of piss-pots? The girls had to lift
their legs high over the eskys in the walkway, until we 
eventually saw HER FANNY!! Hobartians, CRACKER
IN THE RAW hadn't realised the sniffyc*nts of the night's
attire, & fronted up in the usual Hash gear, & in asking
NORMAL to take their photo with the smartphone said,
"do you know how to take a photo - just push this button
here".... ah hem !! Various changes of direction put the 
unsuspecting off the scent, until we arrived by the 'not open'
Dunnstown Pub. Off the bus, & we finished up in one of 
The O'Halloran's sheds. The drinks & finger food flowed
until a few down downs kicked in. WARWICK & SANDY TIT
got welcomed back (I think !), & then an O'Halloran, but of
course, when one O'Halloran drinks .......!
                         (They're the meanest ...).
HER VAGESTY & MOUNTIE were next for all their input 
towards the night.
                         ( She's a harriette ..... ).
Sniffyc*nt runs during the year were for SS (1600), GLIDER,
BP, NUMMY, TEFLON, DUMBER, SOS, FOP, PUSBUCKET
CHRIS CROS, FANG, & DR DEATH's ( 1st time running after
5 years), & when 1 Dr drinks, out there JITTERBUG, ROWDY
& QUICKDICK. GLIDER had his 40th year at Hash, MOUNTIE
reached the 'dried arrangement' of 60 on a Hash Night, & 60 
for DONUTS on a Hash Night as well. FOP had a drink for
PRECIOUS who had his 18th.
                     (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy .... ).
HER VAG, PEBBLES, NUMMY, GILF, BP, D&C, PLUCKA,
TEFLON, SPENCE, LOIS LANE & DUMBER all had a drink
for their input to the Nash Hash weekend.
                           (U.g.l.y.  ....... you're Ugly).
By this time, the Hobart couple couldn't believe the 
proceedings, & were nearly pissing in each other's hand.
Sergeant SPENCE charged SS for Run No 1600 being the 
digit sum of a half of f*ck all etc etc - you know what it's like!
HYMIE & SOS were next for some reason (?), along with 
PYRO from PMT, & then DUMB & DUMBER for being 
Son of SOS for his new haircut - I'm gettin' one of too!!
GILF & PLUCKA had a drink for those absent (?), along
with Tracey.        (Do your tits hang low ..... ).
PUSBUCKET had forgotten Pete O'Halloran, so they were
both out the front, & as 1 O'Halloran drinks ......!
                     (Build a bonfire ..... & burn the f*ckin' lot).
They thought SHAFFY was a George Pell look alike, & then
FOP was presented with the "colour matched broom" as his 
dance partner. LOIS LANE & BP were charged for leaving
black feathers everywhere, GLIDER, CRACKER
IN THE RAW had no Hash gear, & TOPPY, just because
he's from Africa.
                   Ohhh, here we go ..... umm (Oughta be ...).
LOIS LANE was out there again, this time with PRAWN STAR,
for their matching outfits - which one was too short?
DIMWIT told his 'Flintstone' gag about the people in Dubai
& Abu Dhabi Do, & then the embarasment of FASCINATOR's
night (& year !!), totally f*cking up his gag in front of the
gathered 50.            (F*ck off ya c*nt, f*ck off ..... ).
And then, the 3 Wise Men, HALF A BAR, FASCINATOR &
DIMWIT had a drink together.

The Awards:

FOP was very blessed & humbled to have NUMMY for 
weekly Hash consultations, so she gets the ARSO 
Club(person) Award.
NORMAL, SHAFTED, DUMBER & BAD HEAD JOB were up
together to collect the H3 key tags.
Shit-house Run didn't go to '3peat' contender FASCINATOR,
but to HALF A BAR, thinking that he'd almost killed FERGIE
on his Run.
Tight Arsed Prick went to SILIC, the Salad Roll King.
Piss-pot of the Year went to SHAFTED for being the navigator
from Lexton, eventually sleeping in the paddock with the 
horses - the Award being presented by Hat Trick Piss-pot
Award winner, PUSBUCKET.
ROWDY's Pot Calling the Kettle Black went to MOUNTIE.
Spectacle of the Year was introduced by FOP - never missing 
a chance to 'defrock', quickly got down to the 'bare nuggets',
to present the award to ROWDY, for his 'streak' & ball 
tampering efforts at the annual cricket match.
Shit-hot Run became a Captain's Call, when FOP awarded
same to FASCINATOR for his run, with the great sunset
at Mt Beckworth.
RA MOUNTIE had the last say, Christening Entertainer
Andy Pobjoy ....... arise RANDY HEAD JOB BOY.
More frivolity & grog followed (I think) - onward to Irish,
while I tried to stave off a hangover, going home for a
'Bex & a lay down', with "me" teeth in a jar !!

Next week's run - 1875 & AGM at North Bowling Club.

"Who could that new Leader be?"