Tuesday, September 19, 2017

18 - 9 - '17    Run 1842   110 Pleasant St.

BENT NOSE's run from home, where actual Trail Master 
NUM NUM was stand-in Choir Master. 17 starters made the 
cut, with no need to wait for the usually late SHAFFY
FOP welcomed new runner Isabelle (BP & BENT's Grand
Daughter & viola student), who instantly became 1 of the 8
walkers. BENT assured us all that it WAS a great run, but 
thanks to the precipitation .........!!
There was no horn, not even a stand-in, ( just "lowering 
the bar" a bit further), but NUMMY's question was "who's 
got a horn then?"
JITTERBUG came prepared to be a bar-fly, but there were
no other takers, or even a bar - had it been lowered?
The walkers went west to Russell St, then joined together
with the athletes, at the Crowny drink-stop - the take away
opposite the Bunch of Grapes. No bin for the empties, so
back in, together with the unopened ones.
Back in the garage, the nibbles, dips & lolly jar ( lovely 
bullets) circulated prior to the down downs.
FOP welcomed Isabelle to the BENT NOSE Extravaganza,
& her lemonade down down was 'under instruction' from BP.
Stand-in Screw ROWDY mentioned that the "usually anally
retentive, excessive compulsive" Hare had made no 
provision for the empty's, & the run was 'as tight as fish's
arse' - same as the Hare? NUMMY & ROWDY followed the
(non existent?) trail, but not the Hare. 
Score? Not silver, gold, 7, 8, 9, Elephant stamp - no, it got
a Fish stamp, then followed the S.H.I.T.T.Y trail.
Stand-in Sergeant, the Hare Himself, declared a miracle 
on the run - BP found an errant $5 note, that got a heap
of claimants.
DONUTS charged JITTERBUG for suggesting that it was
him in the photo of the Cum Shop, then GLIDER presented
JITTERBUG with her cake box (from last week) & a drink,
to everyone's chorus of "Feckin' get over last week GLIDER"
DUMB & DUMBER charged FOP for only looking at the 
cleavage in the photo of the Ladies Hash christening - he
didn't realize that it was his sister-in-law.
NUMMY charged GLIDER for beginning his 2nd 40 years
of Hash, then birthday boy FOP for being alive for 44 years.
SOS called out BENT as a 'shed drinker', having a heap of
grog labels on hand, then MOUNTIE charged 
DAZED & CONFUSED for splashing in a shicky on the run -
another stand-in, DONUTS drank up for her, in place of
the absent NORMAL
During the conversation of the Harriettes stradling the 
grave, PLUCKA had a drink for her question "Where is
HEAVY, is he in Ballarat?"
HALF A BAR wasn't even here, but at this point, Isabelle
was escorted inside, to escape any more 'language'.
FOP charged D&C for saying " PEBBLES didn't give me
a horn tonight!", then MOUNTIE to SOS for getting his
balls misaligned on the run - indeed, "did one drop?"
As numbers were down, ROWDY then gave everyone who
hadn't been charged, a drink.
About a dozen then ventured to the Pizza Shop for food,
& the obligatory "fain wain".

Next week's run, MOUNTIE's Brownlow Night at Miner's
or the Athletic - TBA.

Next week's, next week run, ROWDY's Rainbow Run at
5 Ways / Nuggety Dam - TBA. 

Monday, September 11, 2017

11 - 9 -'17     Run 1841   Bunch of Grapes

Love affair is back on - I'm voting Yes!!  6:30pm & I get 
the call - "they" want to pick me up.

GLIDER's '40th Year of Hash' run, & as FOP posted, "let's
celebrate the start of his next 40 years". 36 fronted up, even
Family - GLIDER's cousin BANDUNG BARRY from D & E.
FOP mentioned the lots of faces we haven't seen in a while,
then welcomed virgin runner Amy (from USA), who was 
made to cum by JITTERBUG.
GLIDER said the run was about 5.5k, & proceeded to hand
out 4 envelopes to the 'responsible' ones, to get started. 
PLUCKA's envelope was No1, & directed us to the 
'gates of hell' at St Pat's College - Father who?? TEFLON
was quickly out of the blocks, & maintained a good lead
with the aid of his 'glider wings'. After 'the gates', it was 
to the boat shed at the lake, on to the Western Pub, then
to the well stocked Drink-stop at FOP's place, helped 
along from the Pub by BANDUNG's intermittent call 
of 'slack arses'.
Back at the circle we almost ran out of grog in an instant,
welcoming Amy & BANDUNG, then welcomes back for
FASCINATOR.   PUSBUCKET missed the call, eventually
walking in with a handful of beers, to the tune of 'Him,
him, feck him'.
Screw FASCINATOR (no stand-in there FOP), said the 
start of the run was 'interesting', with the 4 envelope
start. CHRIS CROS & BHD were late to 'the gates', 
( I hung back thinking that Father might have been 
lurking!!). Anyway, FASCINATOR said it turned out
to be a fantastic run, with a Fascination Level of 45 ........
....... S.H.I.T.T.Y trail etc.
Here's your stand-in .... Sergeant BENT NOSE's 1st
was the smurf charge for SOS & HYMIE, but of course
they're not old enough to remember. HYMIE was straight
back with a charge (?) for  BENT that brought out the
'Your stupid .... so fecking dumb' song.
BENT then charged EXIT & BANDUNG for their part in
setting the run, & SILIC for saying that he would actually
be 'going for a walk'.
FOP called out REAR ENTRY for the Richmond win, then
BANDUNG charged SOS for his ridiculous hairstyle (that
BHD is gonna' get next time!!).
EXIT was charged for 'bending over & shoe tying' right at
the moment SS strolled by - totally oblivious of the 'chance
he'd missed'.
FOP charged JITTERBUG for driving off last week with the
book in hand, then BENT to Amy for all the things she 
claimed she knew about OZ, but not the 'Drop Bears'.
TEFLON took a charge for having a 'Yankee' (Amy) in 
place, seeing as we have just gotten' rid of the other
one, GILF for a while.
SHAFFY charged BAR LICKER for having a 'spotted'
top on, & standing back not wanting to be 'spotted', then
Grog Master CRUTCHLESS was made to drink a 'full' glass,
seeing as she'd only been giving us 'halves'. 
& SHAFTED the horse charge, then was charged herself,
for admitting that the shearer had been 'in & out' at least 
20 times while they were away. 
Then ROWDY had a charge (?) for FOP, & GLIDER to
JITTERBUG for the Cake Knife (?) or some-et, & a few
charged for GLIDER dress-ups - BP, Katrina & D&C.......!

The Bar & Kitchen were obviously overwhelmed by the
huge Monday night roll-up - much waiting by many!!!

It's a pity we didn't have a candle to top off the 'romantic
crustacean-less dinner table' for PLUCKA & THE BILL.

Next week's run - Hare BENT NOSE, 110 Pleasant St. Sth.   

Monday, September 4, 2017

4 - 9 -'17   Run 1840  103 Cuthbert's Rd

The recently retired NUM NUM "stepped up to stand-in" for
the "Lower the Bar, stand-in, stand-in Hash", for a very
chilly run/walk round the streets of Alfredton.
FOP thanked NUMMY for taking the place of the ailing
SPARTACUS (but is he really only love-sick for his beloved
PUSBUCKET?), then welcomed back from OS travels,
NUMMY told us the run was close to 5k's, with a couple
of On-backs, & 'pretty flat'. 16 starters tonight (7 walkers)
& the 'late' HALF A BAR made the 17 total.
SHAFTED was 1st back to the drink-stop, claiming he'd 
shown everyone a clean pair of heels.
FOP gave NUMMY the 'stand-in Hare' drink, then TEFLON
for run No 96 (opposite of 69), welcomes back to 
the 'old man' scaling the ladder to fire up the party lights.
Stand-in Screw PEBBLES gave the run a 'Silver Star' 
for being short & sharp, with 'no hills'.
Stand-in Sergeant SHAFTED's 1st charge was for PEBBLES
when he came to a T intersection, saying, " we'll turn the
corner here".... to the tune of "You're stupid, you're stupid".
HEAD HUNTER & QUICK DICK visited Hash in Oslo, & as 
they are from down-under these days, had to stand on their
heads for down downs. HEAD HUNTER was quick to give
us a demo, with legs in the air, but then the thought was,
"do we have to pour it in now from the bottom end?"
SHAFFY called out GLIDER, THE BILL & SS as the 
septagenarians of Ballarat Hash, with 120 yrs of Hash
between them, but no charge, then NUM charged DUMB
for the gear he turned himself out in tonight.
SHAFTED then wanted DUMBER to explain why the new
area was called 'Lucarse', & THE BILL came in to explain
about the 'Lucas Girls', & being the place where he'd met
the bride.
D & C took a charge for the 'fasting' Katrina, & why didn't
anyone want to take her home from Hash last week?
DUMBER charged PEBBLES for his touchy / feely text 
about the nice swans & lovely fluffy little cygnets around 
the lake, then FOP had a cryptic charge for all the Hash
Ladies, not having any idea about carrying round
'heavy / unused bags'  ...... boom boom!! 
NUMMY congratulated GLIDER for his 40 years of
Hashing, & that 'irreverant' HEAD HUNTER immediately
reached for the song sheet, to chant the "Him, him .....
...... feck him", then DUMBER charged D & C for the 
spelling of Shitty Trail ... (or whatever!!).
FOP had a charge for SHAFTED, (with the bread roll
pulled down over the top of his stubby) ......... 
said "it reminds me of the brothers at Catholic
Primary saying, put your mouth around this".
The circle disbanded with another Dad Gag ..... What's
a dog with wings called? ......... Linda McCartney.

Next weeks run - GLIDER's from Bunch of Grapes.

Thanks to stand-in Hare NUMMY, for the stand-in venue, 
& the great stand-in food. Pasta, curry, rice, 
quiche, rolls & a 1 foot high creamed sponge.

Monday, August 21, 2017

21 - 8 -'17      Run 1838     Buninyong Pub

So it's 6:20pm & I'm waiting at the front door, "They'll be here 
shortly, a bit further to Buninyong & REAR ENTRY said at the 
weekend, we'll pick you up". 6:30, 35, 40 ... 6:45, haven't heard, 
so I go in my car. Tuesday 9:30am, REARY phones to say 
"he's not picking me up".

It's farkin' Tommy HALF A farkin' BAR's run from the farkin'
Bunny Pub !! Hash 20 front up - runners head off & walkers
chauffered up the hill in DUMB & DUMBER's bus. Guinness
is on tap for the bar flys, & soon DUMBER is worried about 
stragglers, so decides to take the bus back up the hill, 
in search.
The Drink-stop & Circle were at PENNY FARTHING's (palace),
& a welcome catch up for all, with her.
FOP had welcomes back for HER VAGESTY, PENNY 
Stand in Screw was DAZED & CONFUSED, who said she had 
waited 50 years to 'screw' HALF A BAR. It was a trail-less run,
tho' H a B said "he'd spent 30 farkin' $s on lime". The run was 
all downhill, but they said he'd been going downhill, for a 
long time ........ S.H.I.T.T.Y. Trail ...... !!
Sergeant SPENCER HOCKING charged HALF A BAR for such
a lack of trail marks, if he did spend $30, then JITTERBUG's 
50c box of chalk was produced, that would do the same job.
The large box of rainbow came out for JITTERBUG ...........
..... you oughta be publicly .....!! Arrggghh.
D&C had a drink for the HALF A BAR screw being quick &
painless, & in NORMAL's absence, DONUTS had to take 
her drink.
HALF A BAR had a drink for 1888 (?) & the invention of the 
adding machine, then for 1838 & William Yuille. The words
'balla...rat' didn't actually mean 'resting place' after all, it was
what Yuille said to the aboriginals ..... 'fark off ' ....... "you're
stupid, you're really farkin' dumb..... etc.
CHRIS CROS charged TEFLON for being as slippey as
John Ibrahim with his secret passage out of the mansion,
but then of course, it became a rebound, 'cos on TEFLON,
no charge is going to stick.
JITTERBUG had a drink for her 'key to the door run' - 21st,
then BAR LICKER & D&C for ..... whatever??
SPENCE went on to charge HALF A BAR on the question 
of 21 being the digit sum of 3, which is the square root of 9,
which is the square root of 81, which is the digit sum of 9,
which is the square of 3 ..... ad naus!!
Katrina had to front up for having no Hash Gear, but at least
she was showing off her 'pink bits'.
FERGIE charged NUMMY for something about the snowman
having no balls, then DONUTS was charged (?), then 
BAD HEAD JOB (is there such a thing??) charged for the 
photo of the black lady in Rwanda with the umbrella on her 

Next weeks run - 1839, Hare FANG, On On - Athletic Club
Brewery, On After - Top Eureka.

Scribe is out (up to you BENT) - back for 1840, 4th Sept.

Monday, August 14, 2017

14 - 8 -'17     Run 1837       North Britain

ROAD RUNNER's run, that he described as magnificent with 
a few on-backs, & a good Drink Stop. The Hash 30 turned up -
10 bar flys, 8 walkers & the rest , super athletes, with the 
Crowny Drink Stop under the usual shop veranda.
At the circle, FOP welcomed back NUM & DUMB, CANDIDA,
Time for the Screw, & FASCINATOR thinks ROAD RUNNER
is tighter than a Scottish Lass. They left the Britain with great
optimism, only to realize the Hare had REAR ENTRY-ed the 
run, being stingy with the chalk. The Fascination Level only
reached 4.9, & that received the "You're stupid .... wasn't for 
your Mother" chant.
Sergeant SPENCE's 1st charge was the "not all about you" 
for PEBBLES & his 434 run.
NUM & DUMB had a drink for returning from The Cape (& with
the Cooktown Hash shirt), and NORMAL & MASTABAIT for 
going to The Cape. MASTABAIT had his gear stolen last week,
& this week it's NORMAL's dilemma, with the 'smashed $600
tail-light from the security door' debacle.
FOP charged REAR ENTRY for not wanting a ticket to the 
game at Geelong, 'in case the Tigers might lose', & DIMWIT 
had a charge for PEBBLES, talking about black vulvas  
(volvos) at Hash.
BENT NOSE charged the recently returned ROWDY for 
taking a month to walk across North Britain, & as BENT 
demonstrated, it only takes 5 seconds to stride across the
paving at (the) North Britain, & as all Doctors drink together,
enter DR DEATH.
GLIDER charged CANDIDA for the 'School Marm effect' -
reigning in ROAD RUNNER's use of the chalk.
DUMBER had a charge for the 2 Nash Hash Reps, SPENCER
HOCKING & SPARTACUS, for his having to drive 9,000 K's
to retrieve the glasses.
ROWDY gave DIMWIT 2 drinks, for saying hello to HEAVY
at SHAFTED's office, & then telling the 'piano down the 
mineshaft .... A flat miner' gag.  Your stupid, your stupid.. etc.
DIMWIT retaliated, charging ROWDY for 'never trust a Dr',
especially as ROWDY was leading on the run, & as all 
Doctors ....... have another drink DR DEATH
BENT NOSE had some charge (?) for DIMWIT, then all 
Magpie supporters drank together, PEBBLES, DR DEATH
ROWDY charged JITTERBUG & CANDIDA for the 'Clitterbug
known as candida'.

Next weeks run - 1838 - HALF A BAR at the Buninyong Pub.
Just wait for a FOP email at about 6:30 on Monday.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

7 - 8 -'17        Run 1836      City Oval Pub

DR DEATH was the (virgin) hare for, as the GM said, "an
intimate quorum", & I'm sure it's some time since the good 
Dr was a virgin as well. He said how the run was about 6km, 
would go past some stately homes & along laneways.
9 bar flys were left to quench thirsts, while 7 or 8 walkers
& 5 (only) super athletes took to the track. Seems there was 
no way of BENT NOSE being a starter, having already had 
his last night as stand in scribe - oh well, just have to unpick 
his name from the jacket, & then bat on.
The Drink Stop & Circle were at the Ballarat Football Club
social rooms, where JITTERBUG wanted to know if 
DR DEATH came in the back door - REAR ENTRY.
HALF A BAR looked like he'd been "mulesed" on the ear,
& BAR LICKER assured us that it wasn't by her.
At the circle, GM FOP welcomed back BAR LICKER
Stand in Screw PEBBLES, thought it was a good run, up & 
down laneways, he was reminded 4 blocks early about
the position of the Drink Stop, & it deserved a Bronze Award.
In HEAD HUNTER's absence, enough remembered the words
to "Shitty Trail".
NORMAL was Stand in Sergeant (where the hell is this 
Committee Grand Master??), & called out FOP for something
about "where had he been for the last 25 years?"
MASTABAIT had a drink (donated by Old Mate NORMAL) for
having the camping gear knocked off, from the roof of his car,
post-poning the Cape York trip.
GLIDER gave D&C the Betty Cuthbert drink, but of course,
that became NORMAL's, then DIMWIT was summoned for a
gag, & recited the "Ur a pee en" line.
Katrina, D&C, PEBBLES, THE BILL & DIMWIT drank together
as the running team. Was Katrina "pulling up" or "pulling off"
when D&C fell flat & where was the happy ending?
SS charged PEBBLES for screwing DR DEATH, without
mentioning the term "virgin".
FOP's "funniest charge of all time" was about BAR LICKER
wearing the SILIC Bulldogs T Shirt to bed. HALF A BAR
claimed that there was "no f*ckin' romance" in the cot that 
night, 'cos "I'm not f*ckin' having sex with f*ckin' SILIC
watchin' ". SILIC had a drink at the same time.
NORMAL charged DRIBBLES for coming back to Ballarat's
cold weather after living in Queensland.
HALF A BAR  said Katrina wasn't right in the head, for 
coming to Hash thinking she'd get a f*ckin' root from a 
good looking bloke.

Next week's run - North Brittain (isn't that where SPENCER
HOCKING & ROAD RUNNER went for the run tonight?).

How did we miss 1836 & the birth of Thomas Crapper of 
Water Closet fame?

Monday, July 10, 2017

10 - 7 -'17     Run 1832     Grapes Pub

MASTABAIT & NORMAL, the combined Hares' Run from
the newly reno'd Grapes. FOP welcomed new runner
Katrina, as he said, " D&C made Katrina cum tonight".
NORMAL said it was a short run, marked left, right &
everywhere, while PUSBUCKET mentioned "it must be
like MOUNTIE - short & very tight". Things you hear on 
the run - PLUCKA's pussy. She didn't follow an AFL team
until she went to some bash, & the attendees found out.
They decked her out in the gear, & now she's a Geelong
2 drink-stops - the 1st for "Dickens Cider", & after a run 
round the hills, back to the 2nd, on the opposite corner
for a welcome Crowny. Was good of the Hares to order 
in the generator & flood lights for us behind Da Uday.
At the circle, FOP welcomed Katrina again, with D&C,
& of course NORMAL was there to take her drink.
Welcomes back (even if you've only missed 1 week),
FASCINATOR & local bar-fly Wendell Sailor, no, not 
the rugby player.
REAR ENTRY succumed to MOUNTIE's "Knock knock
....... Owen the Saints" charge, & then the all in chorus.
FASCINATOR took to the floor & said about the
"fabulous" run, tho' he wasn't on it, then told a "lead
fart gag" - think he might have been "fascinated" by
having another Courier photo in - this time at the 
burned out playground. He gave the run a 6.6 
(should've been an 8.6), then the Hares drank together
to another 'lead fart', ...... Ought to be publicly....!!
out the front for the statement " You can't pick up 
lollies (at the drink-stop) or masturbate with gloves on".
CRUTCHLESS couldn't demonstrate 'cos she had no
gloves on, & as all masturbators drink together .....
& Wendell Sailor.
BENT NOSE charged D&C for having to get both THE BILL
& NORMAL as stand-in drinkers.
ROWDY had a send off drink for his Coast to Coast in 4 
weeks, in the UK (& which route/root was he taking), but
FOP reckoned he was only getting away from the football,
& as all Pies supporters drink together .... enter CHRIS 
CROSS - you missed out PEBBLES.
The Hares had charges for each other - MASTABAIT for
saying about the whale photos he took (wasn't he in 
the Territory?), & NORMAL for wanting to give the 
City Council man his address, as he sprayed the first
paint on the road, for the run.
FASCINATOR had a drink for having no Hash Gear & 
sitting down at the circle, then step-daughter CRUTCHLESS
for being 'stuffed' (not by SHAFTED), but for shovelling his
dirt all day long.
DIMWIT had a drink to commemorate the 1st man (Juri) into
outer space. 
SPENCE displayed the re-imbursment cheque from the Gold
Nash Hash, that's going to be donated.

Next week's run - PRECIOUS' 18th Birthday Run from
The Market Pub.

Scribe over & out for the next 3.