Monday, August 21, 2017

21 - 8 -'17      Run 1838     Buninyong Pub

So it's 6:20pm & I'm waiting at the front door, "They'll be here 
shortly, a bit further to Buninyong & REAR ENTRY said at the 
weekend, we'll pick you up". 6:30, 35, 40 ... 6:45, haven't heard, 
so I go in my car. Tuesday 9:30am, REARY phones to say 
"he's not picking me up".

It's farkin' Tommy HALF A farkin' BAR's run from the farkin'
Bunny Pub !! Hash 20 front up - runners head off & walkers
chauffered up the hill in DUMB & DUMBER's bus. Guinness
is on tap for the bar flys, & soon DUMBER is worried about 
stragglers, so decides to take the bus back up the hill, 
in search.
The Drink-stop & Circle were at PENNY FARTHING's (palace),
& a welcome catch up for all, with her.
FOP had welcomes back for HER VAGESTY, PENNY 
Stand in Screw was DAZED & CONFUSED, who said she had 
waited 50 years to 'screw' HALF A BAR. It was a trail-less run,
tho' H a B said "he'd spent 30 farkin' $s on lime". The run was 
all downhill, but they said he'd been going downhill, for a 
long time ........ S.H.I.T.T.Y. Trail ...... !!
Sergeant SPENCER HOCKING charged HALF A BAR for such
a lack of trail marks, if he did spend $30, then JITTERBUG's 
50c box of chalk was produced, that would do the same job.
The large box of rainbow came out for JITTERBUG ...........
..... you oughta be publicly .....!! Arrggghh.
D&C had a drink for the HALF A BAR screw being quick &
painless, & in NORMAL's absence, DONUTS had to take 
her drink.
HALF A BAR had a drink for 1888 (?) & the invention of the 
adding machine, then for 1838 & William Yuille. The words
'balla...rat' didn't actually mean 'resting place' after all, it was
what Yuille said to the aboriginals ..... 'fark off ' ....... "you're
stupid, you're really farkin' dumb..... etc.
CHRIS CROS charged TEFLON for being as slippey as
John Ibrahim with his secret passage out of the mansion,
but then of course, it became a rebound, 'cos on TEFLON,
no charge is going to stick.
JITTERBUG had a drink for her 'key to the door run' - 21st,
then BAR LICKER & D&C for ..... whatever??
SPENCE went on to charge HALF A BAR on the question 
of 21 being the digit sum of 3, which is the square root of 9,
which is the square root of 81, which is the digit sum of 9,
which is the square of 3 ..... ad naus!!
Katrina had to front up for having no Hash Gear, but at least
she was showing off her 'pink bits'.
FERGIE charged NUMMY for something about the snowman
having no balls, then DONUTS was charged (?), then 
BAD HEAD JOB (is there such a thing??) charged for the 
photo of the black lady in Rwanda with the umbrella on her 

Next weeks run - 1839, Hare FANG, On On - Athletic Club
Brewery, On After - Top Eureka.

Scribe is out (up to you BENT) - back for 1840, 4th Sept.

Monday, August 14, 2017

14 - 8 -'17     Run 1837       North Britain

ROAD RUNNER's run, that he described as magnificent with 
a few on-backs, & a good Drink Stop. The Hash 30 turned up -
10 bar flys, 8 walkers & the rest , super athletes, with the 
Crowny Drink Stop under the usual shop veranda.
At the circle, FOP welcomed back NUM & DUMB, CANDIDA,
Time for the Screw, & FASCINATOR thinks ROAD RUNNER
is tighter than a Scottish Lass. They left the Britain with great
optimism, only to realize the Hare had REAR ENTRY-ed the 
run, being stingy with the chalk. The Fascination Level only
reached 4.9, & that received the "You're stupid .... wasn't for 
your Mother" chant.
Sergeant SPENCE's 1st charge was the "not all about you" 
for PEBBLES & his 434 run.
NUM & DUMB had a drink for returning from The Cape (& with
the Cooktown Hash shirt), and NORMAL & MASTABAIT for 
going to The Cape. MASTABAIT had his gear stolen last week,
& this week it's NORMAL's dilemma, with the 'smashed $600
tail-light from the security door' debacle.
FOP charged REAR ENTRY for not wanting a ticket to the 
game at Geelong, 'in case the Tigers might lose', & DIMWIT 
had a charge for PEBBLES, talking about black vulvas  
(volvos) at Hash.
BENT NOSE charged the recently returned ROWDY for 
taking a month to walk across North Britain, & as BENT 
demonstrated, it only takes 5 seconds to stride across the
paving at (the) North Britain, & as all Doctors drink together,
enter DR DEATH.
GLIDER charged CANDIDA for the 'School Marm effect' -
reigning in ROAD RUNNER's use of the chalk.
DUMBER had a charge for the 2 Nash Hash Reps, SPENCER
HOCKING & SPARTACUS, for his having to drive 9,000 K's
to retrieve the glasses.
ROWDY gave DIMWIT 2 drinks, for saying hello to HEAVY
at SHAFTED's office, & then telling the 'piano down the 
mineshaft .... A flat miner' gag.  Your stupid, your stupid.. etc.
DIMWIT retaliated, charging ROWDY for 'never trust a Dr',
especially as ROWDY was leading on the run, & as all 
Doctors ....... have another drink DR DEATH
BENT NOSE had some charge (?) for DIMWIT, then all 
Magpie supporters drank together, PEBBLES, DR DEATH
ROWDY charged JITTERBUG & CANDIDA for the 'Clitterbug
known as candida'.

Next weeks run - 1838 - HALF A BAR at the Buninyong Pub.
Just wait for a FOP email at about 6:30 on Monday.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

7 - 8 -'17        Run 1836      City Oval Pub

DR DEATH was the (virgin) hare for, as the GM said, "an
intimate quorum", & I'm sure it's some time since the good 
Dr was a virgin as well. He said how the run was about 6km, 
would go past some stately homes & along laneways.
9 bar flys were left to quench thirsts, while 7 or 8 walkers
& 5 (only) super athletes took to the track. Seems there was 
no way of BENT NOSE being a starter, having already had 
his last night as stand in scribe - oh well, just have to unpick 
his name from the jacket, & then bat on.
The Drink Stop & Circle were at the Ballarat Football Club
social rooms, where JITTERBUG wanted to know if 
DR DEATH came in the back door - REAR ENTRY.
HALF A BAR looked like he'd been "mulesed" on the ear,
& BAR LICKER assured us that it wasn't by her.
At the circle, GM FOP welcomed back BAR LICKER
Stand in Screw PEBBLES, thought it was a good run, up & 
down laneways, he was reminded 4 blocks early about
the position of the Drink Stop, & it deserved a Bronze Award.
In HEAD HUNTER's absence, enough remembered the words
to "Shitty Trail".
NORMAL was Stand in Sergeant (where the hell is this 
Committee Grand Master??), & called out FOP for something
about "where had he been for the last 25 years?"
MASTABAIT had a drink (donated by Old Mate NORMAL) for
having the camping gear knocked off, from the roof of his car,
post-poning the Cape York trip.
GLIDER gave D&C the Betty Cuthbert drink, but of course,
that became NORMAL's, then DIMWIT was summoned for a
gag, & recited the "Ur a pee en" line.
Katrina, D&C, PEBBLES, THE BILL & DIMWIT drank together
as the running team. Was Katrina "pulling up" or "pulling off"
when D&C fell flat & where was the happy ending?
SS charged PEBBLES for screwing DR DEATH, without
mentioning the term "virgin".
FOP's "funniest charge of all time" was about BAR LICKER
wearing the SILIC Bulldogs T Shirt to bed. HALF A BAR
claimed that there was "no f*ckin' romance" in the cot that 
night, 'cos "I'm not f*ckin' having sex with f*ckin' SILIC
watchin' ". SILIC had a drink at the same time.
NORMAL charged DRIBBLES for coming back to Ballarat's
cold weather after living in Queensland.
HALF A BAR  said Katrina wasn't right in the head, for 
coming to Hash thinking she'd get a f*ckin' root from a 
good looking bloke.

Next week's run - North Brittain (isn't that where SPENCER
HOCKING & ROAD RUNNER went for the run tonight?).

How did we miss 1836 & the birth of Thomas Crapper of 
Water Closet fame?

Monday, July 10, 2017

10 - 7 -'17     Run 1832     Grapes Pub

MASTABAIT & NORMAL, the combined Hares' Run from
the newly reno'd Grapes. FOP welcomed new runner
Katrina, as he said, " D&C made Katrina cum tonight".
NORMAL said it was a short run, marked left, right &
everywhere, while PUSBUCKET mentioned "it must be
like MOUNTIE - short & very tight". Things you hear on 
the run - PLUCKA's pussy. She didn't follow an AFL team
until she went to some bash, & the attendees found out.
They decked her out in the gear, & now she's a Geelong
2 drink-stops - the 1st for "Dickens Cider", & after a run 
round the hills, back to the 2nd, on the opposite corner
for a welcome Crowny. Was good of the Hares to order 
in the generator & flood lights for us behind Da Uday.
At the circle, FOP welcomed Katrina again, with D&C,
& of course NORMAL was there to take her drink.
Welcomes back (even if you've only missed 1 week),
FASCINATOR & local bar-fly Wendell Sailor, no, not 
the rugby player.
REAR ENTRY succumed to MOUNTIE's "Knock knock
....... Owen the Saints" charge, & then the all in chorus.
FASCINATOR took to the floor & said about the
"fabulous" run, tho' he wasn't on it, then told a "lead
fart gag" - think he might have been "fascinated" by
having another Courier photo in - this time at the 
burned out playground. He gave the run a 6.6 
(should've been an 8.6), then the Hares drank together
to another 'lead fart', ...... Ought to be publicly....!!
out the front for the statement " You can't pick up 
lollies (at the drink-stop) or masturbate with gloves on".
CRUTCHLESS couldn't demonstrate 'cos she had no
gloves on, & as all masturbators drink together .....
& Wendell Sailor.
BENT NOSE charged D&C for having to get both THE BILL
& NORMAL as stand-in drinkers.
ROWDY had a send off drink for his Coast to Coast in 4 
weeks, in the UK (& which route/root was he taking), but
FOP reckoned he was only getting away from the football,
& as all Pies supporters drink together .... enter CHRIS 
CROSS - you missed out PEBBLES.
The Hares had charges for each other - MASTABAIT for
saying about the whale photos he took (wasn't he in 
the Territory?), & NORMAL for wanting to give the 
City Council man his address, as he sprayed the first
paint on the road, for the run.
FASCINATOR had a drink for having no Hash Gear & 
sitting down at the circle, then step-daughter CRUTCHLESS
for being 'stuffed' (not by SHAFTED), but for shovelling his
dirt all day long.
DIMWIT had a drink to commemorate the 1st man (Juri) into
outer space. 
SPENCE displayed the re-imbursment cheque from the Gold
Nash Hash, that's going to be donated.

Next week's run - PRECIOUS' 18th Birthday Run from
The Market Pub.

Scribe over & out for the next 3.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

3 - 7 -'17       Run 1831        Miner's Tavern

The newly 70 REAR ENTRY provided run & venue for what must
have been his 925th run - well it was his 890th last week!!
FOP welcomed the crew from Lakeside - CLING ON, ADD ON,
SPREAD ON, & James (with the specs).
REARY told us that the run was fantastic at 11am, but probably
washed out by now, & On On is out the front, remarkably.
Bar-fly count was up, with 11 deciding to keep warm, quenching
thirsts, & within quick access of the well stocked (this time)
Drink Stop. DR DEATH was looking more like 'Billy Butterfly'
(apologies if you're not local) in his boots & full length overcoat.
Said Drink Stop was in the usual spot, down stairs, after a run
that I believe went clockwise this time, with a George Pell theme,
that REARY is so passionate about, to the point of donating
quite a sum toward the "appeal".
THE BILL, & REAR ENTRY (fresh from the 'gout getting' Apollo
Bay 70th Birthday piss-up week).
MOUNTIE was next for her (& other's) input into last week's
Mystery Bus night, then SHAFTED for being pissed by the time
we were collected by Bus No2.
Stand-in Screw PEBBLES (was FASCINATOR at the bloody soup
bus again?) called out PRECIOUS for being delegated hare, 
then found no trail left after the deluge. It was a good run, & he
invited everyone to donate to Georgie's cause. No running out
of grog this time & a "stand-in" score of 60/100 .... enter 
HEAD HUNTER & the S.h.i.t.t.y trail song.
Sergeant SPENCE's 1st charge was for REAR ENTRY for not
knowing that CRUTCHLESS was the Grog Master.
Sniffyc*nt runs to CRUTCHLESS 17 & PUSBUCKET 1017.
James (with glasses) for being "closest to the pin" in the 
"Where's Wally Comp", then for being a starter in the 
"workboots at Hash" challenge...... "New boots, new boots",
then came "Your stupid, your stupid .... etc".
It was James' big night - next he was on his knees for the
christening & MOUNTIE's "enjoy the sex & running....",
....... arise WHERE'S WALLY.
FOP charged MOUNTIE for bringing all the girls along to the
bus trip & thinking "the clothes would be off", but 
miraculously FOP was "contained" in his sexy black jockstrap.
GLIDER gave MOUNTIE a drink for the Canadian Mounted 
Police, (The Mounties), & Canada's 150 years since 
confederation July 1st 1887, then there was HEAD HUNTER &
QUICKDICK for something (?) about the new hijab at Hash.
CLING ON & WHERE'S WALLY had to explain why they'd 
brought kids to the largest pedo town, Ballarat.
DR ROWDY presented DR DEATH with the "penis stethoscope"
that had been used (many times !!), then both had a drink,
because all DR's drink together.
HER VAG had a charge for FOP & PRECIOUS for going/not going 
on the run ........ & when 1 Kelly drinks, all Kelly's drink.
REAR ENTRY had a 70th Birthday drink, then of course, 
all 70's drink together ...... step up SS, THE BILL & MASTABAIT.
PEBBLES charged ROWDY for his comment at the intersection,
"we'll probably turn left or right", then old bloke FANG had a 
drink for sitting down during the circle ..... "Him... f**k him ..."
As trail was washed away, MOUNTIE took on the live hare 
status saying, "Dack me if you can catch me", then 
BAD HEAD JOB charged for the bad look photo with 
JITTERBUG on Faceache, when "others" didn't see that it was
only an "errant braces adjustment" - even tho' JITTERBUG's
fit-bit said " keep it going !!"
Last charge for CLING ON & his advert for Lakeside's AGPU.
REAR ENTRY reminded us that the advantage of having an 
"Office" run, was that Old Mate Simon donated the Down Downs.

Next week's run - MASTURBAITING NORMAL at 
The Grapes Pub, Grant St.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

26 - 6 -'17     Run 1830      Mystery Bus

Tic Tic & the clock well & truly rolls past the 6pm Sharp ETD,
while the 40 or so on the bus have an extra drink waiting for 
the arrival of the 'late' FANG. We eventually headed off West,
obviously with no thought for the "fabulous East", except for
PUSBUCKET saying we could be headed for East Adelaide.
I looked round to see DR DEATH's legs hanging out of his 
dress - "put your legs down Goyny, it's getting draughty", 
just as he took to the floor with his '6 Moose' gag.
Along the way we found out that "who makes MOUNTIE cum?"-
PUSBUCKET of course, but "who makes PUSBUCKET cum?" -
goes without saying - SPARTACUS.
We had a little stop (to put us off the scent), outside of the 
darkened Lexton Pub, then continued on to the Golf Club for
the cheese, dips & bickies.
HEAD HUNTER called reverance for the Circle, with some 
comment about 'kiss my arse' - & they all wanted to line up.
BENT NOSE had a charge for PEBBLES, that "he's been to
Lexton" (or something ?), then for Big Events' MOUNTIE
Jane from Lexton, for organising a great night .... " in your
hand Mrs Murphy ..... "
CLEAV(er)AGE, & DONUTS, to the tune of "here's to
the returners". 
New runners had a drink - Michelle, PYRO, PRAWN STAR,
DOUBLE ADAPTOR, Cecilia ( CRUTCHLESS made her cum),
& Rochelle ( HER VAGESTY made her cum) ..... "We've got
virgins on the run".
Sergeant SPENCER HOCKING had a charge for LOIS LANE
about some sign (?) - she drank to the "You're stupid, you're
stupid" song, then Big Events' MOUNTIE for the 2nd year
milestone of HEAVY's demise .... "You've got a big thing",
& last week, LADY TRAMP could have had a PEBBLES
big thing. SPENCE went on to charge DIMWIT for no reason
at all, but could be to drink out of his new wig, new dress or
whatever. NUM NUM & DUMB DUMB had a going away drink
to celebrate the trip to FNQ, bringing back the Hash 
memorabilia, but when NUMMY couldn't drink out of the hat,
DUMBY upended it over his girly wig.
MOUNTIE made PRAWN STAR cum tonight, who made PYRO
cum as well, then NORMAL (had to!!) step up to take a drink
on behalf of the 2 waitresses. 
HER VAG took over the Pobjoy microphone, to compere the
the "Fashion Parade" that was much like your Football Club
dress up. The "girls" all paraded/shimmied  toward the 
3 Lexton Judges, then a shortlist of 5 to decide the winner.
That's when DR DEATH tried to gain a lead, by displaying
both nipples (amongst a grey hairy chest), while SHAFTED
spun round on the floor like a "blowfly on it's last". DIMWIT
took out the title, and he & PEBBLES (for some reason?)
drank together. 
The main event saw the "boys" parading, & after the 
shortlist, PYRO came out the Clubhouse Leader, & she 
was up for a drink with the 3 Lexton Judges. Her & DIMWIT
then had the "Winner's Drink" ..... because all winners 
drink together, just to "consummate" the event.
It seems that JITTERBUG's fit-bit registered a fair amount
of 'extra activity' there for about 15 minutes, at one point.
We ate, drank, be'ed merry & danced all night to the 
excellent entertainment of Andy Pobjoy, & all the credit
to MOUNTIE & the team for a great night.
A fairly quiet trip home by usual standards, where (I think)
FOP actually kept his pants on!!

Next week's run, REAR ENTRY (reckon he'd be up to about
900 by now !!), from 'The Office', Miner's Tavern.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

19 - 6 -'17      Run 1829     10 Sweeney St

Virgin Hare CRUTCHLESS' chance to star at the Run Set, as 
FOP welcomed LADY TRAMP, FASCINATOR's bro' Dr Nick &
welcome back to SHAFTED's bro' Gary.
CRUTCHLESS told us the run was over 5km, & that the 
drink-stop is "not here, but somewhere else". About 27 
rolled up - 18 "athletes" & 9 walkers. The run was set in pink
& white chalk, & flour in dobs. SS had donated a Hash T Shirt
to Juri, but after Juri peeled up a couple of layers & displayed
a Hash Shirt beneath, FOP quickly retrieved the donation, but 
then the Indian Giver quickly returned same.
On the run, FASCINATOR gave the step-daughter a few 
pointers, saying "don't tell the bastards anything", so we 
battled on thru' some of the unusual marks, being the opposite
direction, L shape & the word printed on the road, AFTER X..??
SHAFTED remarked, that "having bro' Gary on the run, he 
didn't want to lose any more brothers", & that's why 
BAD HEAD JOB was too scared to set another one !! 
The Drink-stop was at the Park on Nicholson St, & so , 
a short walk up the hill to the "Circle".
FOP dealt out the welcome drinks to LADY TRAMP & bro's
Gary & Dr Nick, & as you know, all Dr's drink together ..........
front & centre DR ROWDY. Welcome's back also to the 
intrepid WA & NT travellers, MASTABAIT, SPENCER HOCKING
FASCINATOR rose to screw CRUTCHLESS' Virgin Run, saying
that it was very successful, confusing the old farts with marks
going every which way. He said how NUMMY on the run, had
missed her chance of some mattress action - 3 or 4 of them
stacked in the dumpster. He gave the run the FASCINATion
level of 7.9, & then we heard again the S.h.i.t.t.y trail - a few 
more choristers joining the chant each week. 
Sergeant SPENCE gave his first charge to the "kickee's out" 
or the "kickee out's" of the MCG Corporate Box, HALF A BAR
& DUMB & DUMBER, & as all Melbourne Supporter's drink
together, out you come SS.
QUICK DICK & DUMBER had a drink for their fronting up to the 
women's PMT Hash, & getting in some practise for the 
Black Tie Night cross-dress.
SS & Juri had a drink for Hash Gear, then a rebound for 
SPENCE after charging FANG for no gear, when FANG had 
some on beneath all the time.
QUICK DICK had heard that MASTABAIT took his Teddy Bear
PJ's on the trip, to wear in the swag, & when the weather heated
up, he'd cut the legs short, but MASTABAIT took a 2nd, this 
time from NORMAL, when he said that BAIT doesn't wear PJ's
when they're together. 
NORMAL charged HALF A BAR for the day he invited NORMAL
& Jill out to cut some firewood, & not once did he take the 
chain-saw out of Jill's hand.
HALF A BAR & Juri drank up for wearing work wear - 
HALF A BAR for PIMP's horse logos, & Juri for St Pat's (Father
Who this time ??).
GLIDER charged SPENCE for his 'Phone a Friend' appearance
on Millionaire, then Juri had another one for not knowing how to
"Give Us An A".
PEBBLES thought it was piss weak of SHAFFY, that the bro's 
weren't aware of Hash Gear .... give 'em a drink anyway !!
ROWDY charged SHAFFY & bro Gary, for having another bro 
that had his 'person' out most at /or after Hash.
Another one for LOIS LANE. MOUNTIE charged LADY TRAMP 
after she had sat on a swing saying, "I haven't been a swinger
for years", then Juri (again) for his lame attempt at comedy
with the Doctor gag & his punchline "Reptile Dysfunction".
That prompted a new Christening ..... front & centre Juri ......
enjoy the sex & running, ..... arise.....  DIM WIT.
CRUTCHLESS, SPENCE & DIM WIT were next charges for
wrong spelling on Logos.
Big Events 'person' MOUNTIE announced proceedings about
next week's Mystery Bus & the cross-dressing there-of, & then
HEAD HUNTER & QUICK DICK took a drink, after she 
announced that, "after seeing him with all that make-up on,
I'll never sleep (?) with him again".

Next week, Mystery Bus Trip  - City Oval Pub.

Oh, & 1829 ? - should be a drink for HEAD HUNTER
QUICK DICK for Norway's "Battle of the Square" that became
the beginning of their National Day.