Monday, March 20, 2017

20 - 3 -'17                    Run 1814                 Lal Lal

SHAFTED's run at 219 Coal Mine Rd .... waiting .... waiting, then the Postie
arrives - no, it's the Hare at 7PM on the Postie's Bike. SHAFFY went on 
about the 'short run', but didn't mention that we'd need a torch !!
Everyone onto the 'Winnebago', with SILIC at the helm (needed some
persuasion from Co-pilot SHAFFY to stay on the centre of the road) & 
onwards towards Bungal. REAR ENTRY needed some persuasion also,
to "get off the fuckin' bus Greenie!!" with the walkers.
13 eager athletes took to the trail like 'seagulls onto a hot chip'. Trail was
obviously set 'at speed' on the Postie bike, with easily a bag of Limil
to each mark. SHAFTED thought PLUCKA looked pretty good in her 
red outfit, & probably even better out of it. He gave us a little bit of
Geology 101 as we passed the tailing heap. The run was largely bereft
of halts (unless they took off as this "author" arrived), but one was at 
the grave of 6 yr old Mary Patterson, who died of pneumonia.
Back at the circle, NUMMY had welcomes back for HER VAGESTY,
Foster, who looked after the tail-enders.
SS thought that screwing SHAFTED would be an 'interesting excercise' -
but what a run we had. Just happened to be 2-1/2 X 5 or 6, & we arrived
back in the dark of night.The walk was well set, but obviously set at speed,
as per the large markings & SHAFFY was covered in Limil. The terrain was 
terrific, & at one point MASTABAIT wanted to go yabbying. NORMAL
pointed out the kangaroo in the paddock, but it was only on the 
Aussie flag.
Sergeant ROWDY took to the floor & charged MOUNTIE for her
St Patrick's Day 'pisshead' voice, then HEAD HUNTER & Mum Sheilagh
as being the face of Ireland for Paddy's Day. 
Extremely sad to hear of SORRY's health woes - we're thinking of her.
TEFLON was next - got a charge for being stupid.
ROWDY's sniffyc*nts of 1814 was the London Beer Flood, where a 
large vat of Porter burst, demolished buildings & killed 9 people, but
I'm surprised he didn't mention the very 1st Cricket Match at Lord's on 
22nd June, annnnd, where were you 2, PUSBUCKET & FOP??
GLIDER relayed a charge from EXIT for SHAFTED, having the run in
La La Land, & SHAFFY took an extra one for LITTLE EVIL being
in La La Land for the last 20 years. HALF A BAR (the staunch CFA
Volunteer) who made the Campers move the BBQ into the centre of
the creek on a Total Fire Ban day a couple of years ago, promptly
burnt the sheep at last weekend's fundraiser bash.
NUMMY celebrated having another Gary (Foster), as well as the 
dog Gary. PLUCKA drank up for laying on the bus bed, with all the
blokes around, & QUICK DICK charged for asking Coach Captain
NORMAL to take a photo of Mother-in-Law Sheilagh on her way
to the Airport "to make sure she's gone!!"
DUMBER had a drink for mistaking the 'porcelain penguin' for a 
cat on the Wendouree Parade walk. NUMMY was laying in bed with
DUMB & DUMBER (the morning person), when there was a text from
MOUNTIE - "send DUMB - the batteries on my dildo are flat".

That'll do - you've had a fair go!!

Next week's run - ROWDY's "MIDNIGHT" Run at Slatey Creek.
                                               Don't forget that the bridge is out. 

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

13 - 3 -'17                Run 1813               Park Hotel

Committee Run - but where's the freakin' Committee? Stand-in's everywhere.
NUMMY took charge & welcomed Shielagh, then welcomes back for Eleanor
15 Super Athletes & 5 or 6 Walkers took to the streets of the "not so fabulous"
west, leaving a couple of bar flys to breast the bar.
On the run, we saw where REAR ENTRY has started to dump some of his TV
garbage, at the gravel end of Longley St. NUMMY came across the back of the
Golf Driving Range, with what looked like a rolled up sock down the front of 
the camel-toe, finally to retrieve a couple of golf balls from "down below" - 
lucky they didn't slide away to get lost amongst the 'sweat of the run'.
Back at the On After, was a welcome charge to the Irish 'Shielagh', & a 
welcome back to 'Eleanor' - PHUCKWIT's vacated early.
HALF A BAR proved that he could actually count past 10.
Sniffyc*nts of 1813 - well, the first lot of wool from Aus. sent to UK -
thought it might have been Blaxland & Wentworth over the Blue Mountains, 
or Redmond Barry b June 7- eh ROWDY??
MOUNTIE went on & on with a Union rant about the 8 Hr Day - 
"Whadawewant Whendawee Wannit?"
Stand-in Screw THE BILL made it a joint one for NUM NUM & DUMB.
SHAFTED on the run chased pussy, or was that a dog?
R.A. PUSBUCKET came forth to interject, opening with "I digress...." 
(who knew?) charging DUMBER for his personalised running shoes at Hash.
Think the interjection might have had a fair bit of "how long have I been at
the Bar?" about it!! 
DUMBER explained that the 'HcH' markers on the run were to denote
'Henry Headen Cuthbert'. 
Stand-in Sergeant SHAFTED said it was "like sex, just hasn't done it 
for a while". NORMAL was in for a charge or 2 - being sacked from 
everywhere including the Bus Co, & DUMBER claiming so many ran
tonight because NORMAL was in charge of the walk. SS sent an absentee
charge to Shielagh, for being at the Trout Hatchery. HALF A BAR was
charged for killing the sheep, "But they were fucked" he said.
DR DEATH & DUMBER charged each other for dangerous driving & 
no indicators. MRS DICKHEAD was charged for losing bunny rabbit
'Nibbles', NUMMY for her golf balls on the run & PEBBLES for his 
mid-week text that was supposed to be a joke.

That's it - you've had a fair go!! 

Next weeks run - SHAFTED, 219 Coal Mine Rd., Lal Lal.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

7 - 3 -'17                     Run 1812                  5 Ways

GILF's the Hare. NUMMY's regained her voice & ready to 'raise the bar' again.
Welcome to visitor DIGIT DIGESTER, with bandaged arm, then thanks to all
the Nash Hash Committee, as we sight the 'late' Hare disappearing along 
Codes Forrest Rd., to deposit the Drink-stop.
The athletes headed off along the roads & goat tracks of the fabulous
north "east", & collected with the walkers after a fairly easy run.
Back at the circle, the first official business was to collect the poppers & 
line up, Guard of Honour style, to officially pipe in ROWDY's 1100th Run
(didn't he get a charge for that already at STUBBY's Bar ??), LOIS LANE's
800th, & SOS' 300th.
Next came DIGIT's explanation of her Hash Name - attacked in London in  '94
by a mugger, who she bit the finger of, or was it right off ?
Welcomes back to HEAD HUNTER & QUICK DICK after swanning round
on holiday in New 'Zilland', then REAR ENTRY & SILIC (who missed them
New chant - "How would you like my finger in your rear - no, no not likely"
to the tune of Hava Nagila - what key were you in BENT? While we're at it,
can we piss off that shocker "ought to be publicly pissed on" that most hate.
SS stepped up to screw GILF, & thought the run & walk were 'succinct',
(& that turned a few heads!!) & wonderful that we all arrived at the 
well stocked Drink-stop, then a very short On Home. TEFLON had a drink
to support the Hare.
Sergeant ROWDY's first charge was for Nash Hash "Volunteer turned Hero"
of last weekend REAR ENTRY, for saving a very grumpy woman on the very 
steep slope, quickly followed by DUMBER & DUMBER drinking up for
his getting the 'yank tank' stuck on the 5 Ways steep slope a few years ago.
were the next drinkers, then the Nash Hash Run Setters from Ballarat Hash.
Then came the inevitable sniffyc**ts of 1812, to which this "author(?)" was
 "severely chortled", but rose out of the ashes with, Tchaikovsky's 
Overture in Eb Major, Opus 49 also Charles Dickens born on Feb 7th. 
What else was there ROWDY? - quite a few I think, but missed in the notes.
GILF & NORMAL were next & made to sit on the ice. Tight-arsed prick
SILIC had been busy knocking the Nash Hash weekend, but quick to
line up for some cheap left-over cans of Nash Hash Splash, then SOS was
charged 'responsible' for Cops turning up each time we run from 5 Ways.
NUM NUM charged ROWDY for his wanting the incoming GM to be aware
that he didn't want a job this year, then PRECIOUS had his water charge for
being old enough for a root at the High School weekend, but still not old
enough to drink an alcohol charge. ROWDY charged Sniffyc*nt 
(aka HEAD HUNTER) & MRS D for the 'strings' hanging, after the
poppers parade. BENT NOSE charged TEFLON for his wrong directions,
then HEAD HUNTER drank up for having DUMBER weld up the bed, but
wouldn't say how it got broken. Uri & ROWDY - bit of banter about
charging for medical practise (dunno!!).

Next week - Committee run - Park Hotel.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

27 - 2 -'17           Run 1811           Mt Xavier Golf Club

MOUNTIE's  Post-Lube Nash Hash Run, or 
                                                        "Last piss-up for the remaining Piss-heads".
After a couple of pre-lubes, a very hoarse GM NUMMY, began proceedings
with a charge for JITTERBUG, who's had 5 runs & now knows everything - 
could be a budding BENT NOSE on the way !!
A drink for the 7 GM's present, then for the piss-pots from each Club.
Hare MOUNTIE announced that the run was short 'cos she's knackered.
Lots of runners took off into the East, while 5 bar-flys were left to 
organize the drink-stop. 20 walkers followed the 'pied piper' NORMAL on his
zig-zag stroll round the Golf Course, obviously looking for his lost golf balls -
think he picked up 3.
We all gathered at the well stocked drink-stop, of VB's, Carrrrlton, & the 
Athletic Club's Gold Rush Nash Hash Splash Cans.
At the On After, SS screwed MOUNTIE  for the walk, but "not sure about 
the run", & RA PUSBUCKET took one for the good weather. NORMAL had 
a drink for picking up golf balls & not offering them to MASTABAIT
"f**k MASTABAIT" he said - (but isn't that what he does each Friday Night?).
As Sergeant ROWDY took to the podium, the 1st of many "Hammersly takes
it up the arse" chants was heard. First charge was for NORMAL, seen 
(alledgedly) during the weekend in Ballarat, swapping red T shirts, then one
for BONER,  being extremely excited, seeing MOUNTIE's pert set of 60 (?)
yr old breasts. Then came the first of many chants from GRIZZLY ......
"Would you like to sit on my face .... or would you like to go .. down down" etc.
"Ya stupid, ya stupid .... if it wasn't for your Mother you'd be .. down down" etc.
DAZED & CONFUSED lost the ear ring, but where was it?
SPENCER HOCKING had a drink as 'Stroke' of the Down Down Crew, & 
SOS as the gun 'Skuller'. HALF A BAR was at the Mt Buninyong run, 
from top to bottom, & still got lost!!
Another Hammersly "Takes it up the arse ....."
BENT NOSE has never been wrong in his life, but he WAS wrong (what???)
about the tyres on NORMAL's car.
GRIZZLY again ... "Why was he born so beautiful, he's no f**kin' use
to anyone, he's no f**kin' use at all".
A rotation of "chefs" personed the BBQ, to fill the patrons with snags on 
bread, & hamburger rolls with meat, egg, bacon & onion - yum!! 
Well done 'Youse'.

That's it - you've had a fair go 'youse pricks',

Next week's run - GILF from 5 Ways, On After ? who knows?? Where
are you TEFLON ?

Monday, February 20, 2017

20 - 2 -'17             Run 1810           Athletic Club Bar

TEFLON's Pre Lube Nash Hash Run. SPENCER HOCKING assumed the
stand-in GM Position (complete with coat), seeing as NUMMY let the bar
crash to the ground again, (this time to put Family first !!). SPENCE
welcomed back Ballarat Hashers along with the Nash Hash Committee.
TEFLON briefed on the run ahead, & complimented PUSBUCKET on
coming back for the run, after sussing out the Nash Hash Bike Trail.
He said MASTURBAIT is in charge of the walkers "Put your hand up
MASTURBAITER" & straight away 8 hands went up !! About 20 runners
headed off into the fabulous East, soon to find the Eureka Flag at the
roundabout & the "these feet" chant. We met up with 20 odd (odd??) 
walkers at the well stocked drink-stop by the Eastern Oval.
At the On-After, welcomes back for FOP, HER VAGESTY, FLUID 
visitors included WEE WEE, GOANNA?, ADELAIDE et al .......
Nash Hash Committee all had a drink, including Ballarat Reps 
Big charge for ROWDY with 1100 runs.
Recent registrations for the Red Dress Run were SOS & EVIL.
All Ballarat Hash had a drink to which no-one could real off their names!!
SS screwed TEFLON for the run & a good walk that included the Southern
Cross chant & a visit to M.A.D.E.
Sergeant ROWDY charged STUBBY for his finally gaining Title to 
the Brewery, & SPENCER HOCKING for all of his Nash Hash work.
Sniffycants of 1810? - Napoleon married 19 yr old Marie Louise,
Archduchess of Austria.
DR DEATH & MOUNTIE caused a stir last week for hiding the money tin,
& DUMBER for the snake in the car episode.
FUCKED IF I KNOW had a rebound drink for his rant over the 'Odds &
Evens' numbers in Ballarat streets & FLUID MOVEMENT complained
about Ballarat's cold weather - now that she's living in Canberra !! 
A drink also for those not yet charged (what ??), DAZED & CONFUSED,

Have a good Nash Hash 'youse pricks'.

Next week's run - Post Nash Hash - Xavier Golf.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

6 - 2 -'17             Run 1808            South Gardens

PUSBUCKET's run & cricket match. The 'athletes' took off towards the 
Lake, as 10 bar flys were left to quench thirsts, & watch as the 'late'
SHAFTED arrived, complete with Hash BBQ Trailer, & ride-on mower -
did he think the Council was remiss with the lawn cut, or had 
Brian Blood thrown a spanner in the works?
Back at the On After, we all lined up Guard of Honour style, with our
'poppers', to honour MOUNTIE's 1000th. NUMMY then welcomed back
SS screwed PUSBUCKET & quickly made him realize that the East 
isn't as good as the West after all. The trail was well marked, even 
paused at the statues of Bodgy 'Hawke' & Liar 'Juliar', & a good
Drinkstop, although wearing the R.A. hat, the weather hadn't been
particularly well ordered.
Charges, post cricket match, were for DR DEATH, who should be
renamed SUDDEN DEATH for his stumpings, ROWDY's fully decked
out in creams & HALF A BAR going to ground after his big trip up.
The sad passing of PENNY FARTHING's husband Pat Hope was
also recognized.
Sergeant ROWDY's charges were for SHAFTED, as HEAVY had a 
free ride to Melbourne, & again for HALF A BAR going arse over head.
'1808' and SPENCER HOCKING & PIMP drank up for the 'Rum Rebellion',
(only successful armed takeover of the Government). 
Waitangi Day saw the Kiwi's LOIS LANE & BP celebrating, NUMMY 
for the women footballers playing like men & BENT NOSE for the 4
Essendon players getting their cars stolen ( guess the crims thought
that being Essendon cars, there'd be plenty of drugs around!).
REAR ENTRY won $500, so now he's probably only $1000 down.
R.A. PUSBUCKET got rid of the rain, so now it's looking like good
weather for Nash Hash - FANG a pathetic charge. DR DEATH looked
Regal in his Bowler Hat & REAR ENTRY got out of PIMP's Essendon
sponsored car, but saw no 'Greene' signs at all. LOIS LANE celebrated
her 38th Anniversary & had seen a 'Cockatoo !!' (woohoo).
PIMP had a 4 page tell all article in a mag & REAR ENTRY for Bernadi
leaving the Liberal Party. PIMP had a 4th drink as he'd mentioned
(as a very poor HashMan !!), that 3 was enough, SILIC for his 
judgement at the cricket, & MASTABAIT for wanting to carve up the field.
DR DEATH & HALF A BAR won the cricket, but HALF A BAR was on
the podium without even scoring, & PEBBLES was Man of the Match.
So as not to stray from tradition, Security arrived at the end to check
on our behaviour, & we all bought the cans from behind our backs
as he shook hands & joked with 'Old Mate' DR ROWDY.

Next week's run - Pebbles, from home. 

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

30 - 1 -'17              Run 1807            Morrison's

HALF A BAR's run from home. At first, a short delay waiting for the 
(full to capacity & more) DUMBER bus to arrive (what's on the bus !!).
1807 (where are you ROWDY ??), oh well, Poet Henry Wordsworth 
Longfellow born. 
NUMMY kicked off with welcomes' back to Janey (minus crutches),
WAIT A WHILE, & Steve (PEBBLES' mate).
Runner's & walker's headed off (maybe it's clockwise this year!), 
quickly to find stuff all trail, but we all eventually wound up at the 
Cemetery Drink-stop  & traditional "Swing Low & On On" to 
HALF A BRA - May 2011. We put Janey at ease after her jaw dropped -
she had a bit of trouble deciphering some of the "Cummin' 4, 2, Carry
Me Home" movements. 
Back at the circle, NUMMY toasted Janey, WAIT A WHILE, BAR LICKER
BP & BENT NOSE for welcomes' back, Birthday Boys MASTABAIT & 
GLIDER, & Wedding Anniversary to BAR LICKER
SS screwed HALF A BAR for something about a sticky wicket (?), &
can't blame the weather for a washout - there was just no trail - but
at least a good Drink-stop at the Dead Centre, & to celebrate the life
of HALF A BRA - 2011, & the good support of BAR LICKER.
DUMBER & DUMBER - he's the man, Coach Captain, Hash Cash, 
Keeper of the Book & Grog Master.
Stand in Sergeant SPENCER HOCKING charged JITTERBUG for no 
reason at all, D&C, SHAFTED & Steve for their advertising of 
HALF A BAR, PEBBLES et al as Ambassadors.
HEAD HUNTER QUICK DICK had a drink for not going to Nash Hash,
JITTERBUG for being the most recent to register & FASCINATOR 
charged EXIT 'cos she couldn't 'come'.
HALF A BAR & DR DEATH for their most un-sartorial "bad look" at
Hash, & D&C made it to 50 Runs.
HALF A BAR's "sticky deck" meant the 5 second rule blew out to
about 5 months (good thing we could make the BBQ red hot !!), 
NORMAL was "off the grog" since the Drink-stop & HEAD HUNTER
charged DR DEATH for his side act - "grunting" on the exercise bike.
PUSBUCKET drank up for his lack of attention to pastoral duties - dry 
pastures due to the lack of rain, & FASCINATOR charged Janey for 
some speech impediment (?).
R.A. PUSBUCKET had an epiphany, summoned the demons for Janey
to "cast away the crutches" - Just a smidgen etc .... then arise 
"CRUTCHLESS", & immediately FASCINATOR charged CRUTCH...
for not locking the front door at home at some stage.
Question ....... Did anyone notice REAR ENTRY's absence ??

Here Endeth ........

Next Week's Run .. PUSBUCKET's Cricket Run from South Gardens,
next to the POW Wall.