RUN 1688 Venue: SAWPIT LANE Creswick, Hare; BP1000, 27 October 2014

BP picked Bent Nose with her bent finger. Bent Nose picked La Gerche Track as a place for us to linger. This is where old John La Gerche (who looked a bit like Bent) had planted trees over 100 years ago. A book written about his life is called “A Foresters Log”. True!

 This is he.

If a tree falls in the Forest Does anybody hear?  Hashers trundled along neat bush paths under towering trees, by peaceful waters, history and nature abounding.

Significant run indeed looo BP has reached 1000 equivalent to 20 years of every week or 27 if you have holidays. Glider is at 700. 

Meanwhile Master Chef SILIC managed to boil water without blowing us up then he skilfully scissored the little boys apart having recently witnessed his own monoscrotomatic surgery.  A pre-dinner snack simmered to enhance the party atmosphere already painted by BPs lollies and chups.

HEAVY’S screw song reflected a cleaning lady (that wasn’t Sadie) to the tune of “a few of my favourite things” Aided by the not so smooth production of a pre-recorded phone track on Marshall’s Portable Music Machine.

Vacuuming carpets and dusting down kitchens
Rubbing down Bents Knob with warm woollen mittens
Brown paper packages full of vibrating rings
These are a few of my favourite things!

Spence poured the Down Down pressure on the Demure FiFi BP. He handed over his 1000th run mobile trophy engraved with BP forever underneath Bent. More presentations to BP of Bees & Peas and Hash gift apron with a BP inscription to further mark the occasion.

Dr R informed us of the significance of BP being the initials of the bacterium (Bordetella Pertussis) that causes the contagious, respiratory infection known as Whooping cough.  Good to know but how do we stop it?

Overwhelmed by the natural beauty of the setting of the run, MRS D charged over a fallen log in the forest.

A Normally quite Gay guy got quite grumpy and couldn’t see the funny side of anything. His sense of humour was a fumer. A Get well Soon card is circulating for signatures!

How dare he? It was all about BP really and she likes it that way.

On Afters  around the corner to Swallow my Knobs Café for a nice tight meal and a fine wine. We departed right on 1000 according to my digital timer.

Next Week’s Run: East Point Clubrooms   Hare;  Glider Theme; M Cup is not a bra size

RUN 1687, Balls Up Recovery Run, Lake Wendouree, Hare: Rowdy, 26 October 2014

Balls Up done and dusted, Ballarat again turned on a pearler of a day to enjoy Sausages Bacon and Egg sandwiches with Rodney Rocket greens and Parsley garnish partaken by the masses.

A few partook in Rowdy’s Run showing off the neighbourhood.  They got back just in time to get a serve of the last morsels of Criss Cross’s extra loaves and fishes. It was Sunday after all.

The crowd was partially dispersed when we caught our breath and had a dose of Down Downs without our Hare.  We welcomed dignitaries once again and drank together merrily. We thanked all who came and travelled far, many escaping the concrete jungle. 

Heavy had to spawn his “Hey Hey were the Monkey’s” song on Criss Cross as stand-in as Rowdy had dashed home to tend to his Catheta and “mow the lawn”. It was Sunday after all.

Here he come, runnin'
Down the street.
he get the funniest looks from
Ev'ry one he meets.....

Hey, hey, yes he’s Rowdy
And he like dressing in drag.
But if he has half a chance
he will give any woman a shag

Love that song.  Many of the following charges were reflecting antics from the previous evening and many were mentioned in the previous Blog but when Tight and Tender was called out the front, Mounty thought she was being addressed. We took the Christian view and let her dream live on. It was Sunday after all. Although in confession she converted to Loose and Aggressive.

Girls were the Butt of many charges and they took it well.  Thank your mother for the rabbits, A40 for his assistance with the venue, all including Empty who jumped in to help, and the masses for coming. See you all at D&E's Balls Up next year. Go in quiet enjoyment of the last of the weekend. It was Sunday after all.

Run 1686 Pus Bucket @ Seymours, followed by Balls Up @ Miners Tavern, 25 October 2014

Balls Up on a platter day on a Cox on a Plate Saturday. Only forgivable because great races are everywhere over the Spring Carnival.  We had our own Hasher’s Spring Mardi Gras Carnivale all weekend.
Starting with a fellowship at Freight on Fridy followed by a saunter from Seymour’s on Satdy.  Pus Bucket took us East, marched 10,000 men to the top of Black Hill and he marched us down again. But when we were up we were up (to a scenic Drink Stop followed by Dirges and Down Downs).

Pauline, Fluid Movement and Spence were welcomed back. Dignitarios including Visiting GMs were sought for recognition. Cut Loose and Astro were noted. A skinny prick known as Mortenson from Western Suburbs was ostracised and Bent for providing only $20 for a Balls Up float.

Heavy screwed Pus in a Bucket with a song about to the tune of Ghost Riders in the Sky. Yippie ON ON, Yippie On Back, Hash Runners in the East.

A fresh furry Seargeant Spencer Hocking took the floor. His old Bin Laden look with wooly grey hair and whisker look floored many.  Dumb &Dumber reckoned Shafted had taken his fascination with Johnny Cash too far when he idiotically was goin’ to Jackson’s instead of the Freight Bar Friday night.

Point of Order, Glider reckons we have zero chance of getting sponsorship from Mount Zero Olives so I must make amends and amend acknowledgment of the kind support of AXEDALE OLIVES in bigger and bolder font, and make sure George experiences Hash patronage at his produce stall at Springfest at Lake Wendouree this weekend.

A Wonderful Woman from Lakeside Ladies turned up delinquently. She was In Salted that we left without her and turned up breathing Heavy with a Sweaty Box. Eggs and Bacon Quiche Lorraine were on the menu and some women were cycling periodically. Mounty mounted the microphone. Bait had a Blue Tonge. The song was “if your girlfriend tastes like shit, roll her over. The wonderful weather was religiously reknized as being awesome, (typical of Ballarat).

Nickelby’s Immortalised speech on the hand over to Cut Loose was reminisced upon where he kindly thanked the CWA ladies for bringing a plate.  Coffin Box was spat out the front as half of Ballarat Hash has been coughing their boxes off all Winter and into Spring, even Superwoman Lois Lane.

We wandered down the woad to watch waces at the Seymour places. Three Sweeps on the Cox Plate later saw a few linger longer til the race was run and won by Adelaide.  Winners were Num Num, Pokey and Coffin Box got the big prize. Congrats.  See you at the Balls Up…….

…….Beautifully ballooned balustrades led us up the stairs to the registration table where we were adorned with green wristbands by gorgeous organising girls Nummy and Lois. Mrs D and BP.  As we entered the main room we were amazed to be surrounded by the large colourfully painted mask faces perched on the walls. Pauline’s pride of his created beauties was the Maori Miss with the tattooed chin.  Mounty ushered all to their allotted tables with centre pieces, lollies, and wine.  There were “Balls Up 2014” stubby holders for all. Brightly decorated with Mardi Gras mask on a Hash foot, and sponsors including S3 Promotions, Reptile Gulch Motors, Greene’s TV Repair, and Tidy Group.

Spence, just a couple of hours before was whiskery Bin Laden lookalike of the afghani resistance, turned up unrecognizable as a 1960 Queen Elizabeth model. Very effeminate! There were several less-effeminate whiskered women with Teflon coatings on their tongues. Jack-in-a-mask was there and Onon a magical night on the top floor, FOP thought he could go higher, Lil Evil pulled a rabbit out of a hat and they did the disappearing trick, turned into birds and flocked off.

Bait and Ms Fulton did a double duo thing in diamond clown clothes. Twins Half & Baa licker were likewise conjoined. There were three colourful Kids with bird pulling power that included a birthday babe.

Prizes were awarded to a few of the dressed up dags. FOP was sleek Her Vag was sexy with sweet beads. FOPS hairdo and face got him a Miners Tavern voucher.

Dumb has a similar costume but looked like a chubby Mike Myers from “The Mechanic who Shagged Me” and kept twiddling his one erect nipple.  Coffin Box was a sweet vessel of orange-aide with a lil black talisman around her neck. Seamen Feeder with her Red Hair and a hash foot tattoo on her shoulder from last Ballarat Balls Up won an award. …..Grand Prize, Magnum donated by BP and Bent went to Tigermoth coming as Miss Pinky Perky in tight pink panties with pert pink pushed up pretties and pink feathered fascinator, she had considerable trouble getting the Mothballs out of her costume.

Urban Myth never mithed a beat with their up-beat selection of songs setting the Hash crowd swinging.

Salubriousness in the salon showed where Sweaty looked to have found her niche on a groovy night. Tons of tongue lashings between Hash groups could lead to and Ebola like epidemic of Whopping Cough cough cough cough cough…when you start it’s hard to stop. But we had to eventually early on Sunday Morning. On On.

RUN 1685 Venue: Alimprick Avenue Mt Clear Hare: MRS DICKHEAD 20 October 2014

I went to school here, I taught here, I will engage in extracurricular activities here!  Those “black boys” grass trees that grow the long kangaroo tail bushes are called xanthorrhoea. I’m still pretty smart!

Mrs D had us all back in her familiar territory to teach us a lesson on a nature walk/run. No grizzling neighbours was a good thing. We parked where we pleased and it was early enough in the season to enjoy a friendly fire.

A working party had to forgo the beautifully set bush run to ensure Master Chef SILIC was accommodated at his cooker with all his accessories and accoutrements at his fingertips. Another task was to try and keep REAR ENTRY in check and stop him from burning everything, anything, and more as he was jumping around like a rabid rabbit on a bullant nest. SILIC wants to hear about REARY's Losing bets! How morbid is that?

New Runner Mrs D’s Bring-a-friend she calls JUST IN PERIODICALLY Welcome Backs to her Boy’s, PRECIOUS, IMMACULATE CONCEPTION and ROHAN the RAFFAEL. Then also  FASCINATOR and the other relatively young ones, LITTLE EVIL & HYMEN.

Significant runs, 999 no no no says BP BP BP, almost there to reach 1000 with BENT NOSE but she will forever be under him, SPENCE will see to that.

ROWDY’S penchant for singing along with television theme songs came to the fore with HEAVY’S contribution of “The Brady Bunch” about MRS DICKHEAD’s mob. , “Here’s a story of a lovely lady”started nicely but it went downhill from there. Put nicely, re-constituting a family structure and creating “The Dickhead Bunch,- The Dickhead Bunch,- That’s the way they all became The Dickhead Bunch”.

PRECIOUS was charged by MRS D for being silly enough to follow HYMEN rather than follow trail. Doesn’t she realise that following HYMEN and picking up his rejects is a legitimate and fruitful past-time? Ask SOS and co.  Just like HALFABAR hanging with BAIT 40 years ago.

Lots of announcements including Mount Zero Olives, sponsor of GLIDER’s upcoming famed Melbourne cup run on cup eve. Nash Hash next March in Busselton. Girls and Guys are busy with Balls-Up decorations and arrangements. The Fever is Mountying and LOIS is Whooping it up. Let’s hope FLUID MOVEMENT and BAD HAIR DAY aren’t coffin still!

Welcome efforts with jokes from FASCINATOR about going Duck Hunting? I think TOMMY took a Taxi joke was taken as well read.

Nice BBQ again, sausages & steak by SILIC and MRS D’S fresh green and fruit salads and cream. Note to self; extra gas, bread and paper towels for next time.

There are murmurings that the malingering masses are making their way home to mount their maidens and merrily march them into the Mardi Gras malaise.

Next Week’s Run: SAWPIT LANE Creswick  Hare;  BP1000 Theme; M Run in Bush On after in Creswick (SATURDAY 2PM SEYMOUR'S hotel in LYDIARD ST North just up from Railway stn.

RUN 1684, Venue: Brown Hill Hotel, Hare: REAR ENTRY, 13 October 2014

Deliverance? REAR ENTRY was drawn back up the old valley to re-acquaint with his former local wagering and watering hole. The Brown Hill has been tastefully renovated ready for some Spring Carnival punting and summer fun. Decked areas overlook the picturesque “upper” Yarrowee Valley with Hash Running trails of bush and hills abounding, though they say the valley is haunted. The BBQ trailer and vehicle were set in a defensive wagon train formation to protect from native attacks with SILIC vigilant with tongs and sausages in hand.

The weather on this occasion was not on our side with southerly wind-chill virgining on ice and some rain and sleet to damp down the trail flour. So a select group attended and a Lucky 7 set off on the run that was one of REARYs best yet. Down the valley, north over the Freeway into the gold bearing hills and back under the freeway to join the walkers at the Drink Stop. We hadn’t ventured too far up the valley.

Welcome Backs to BAR LIQUOR allowed out again after shearing. Jungle Boy Phil from Indo Hash was welcomed. No Bill no Book for checking significant runs. BP’s 999 is next week though.

Heavy's previous screw song for REAR ENTRY, “He’s an Asshole” was on ROWDY’s mind when it came to screwing and singing. Heavy’s Greenacres lyrics for the occasion were left in the locker but a quick verse or two of the Green Green Grass of Home Had Rear Entry looking down the lane to see who runs there and what it’s good to touch.

We look forward to the returning of Screw and Sergeant in the coming weeks to add their colour in person but had to push on without them and many others on the bleak night.

MOUNTY told of how during the week, she and LOIS LANE took their reputations and BALLS-UP flyers to the men’s Hash in Geelong courtesy of DEEP HEAT to lure potential attendees with their iced up Venis Fly Traps that apparently took some thawing out.

LOIS charged all the girls and Half a Bar didn’t have to grab their shoulders to remember their names, he just had to look at their tits as they had their hash-names embroidered on them.

MRS DICKHEAD noted the new flashy white fangs in BAR LIQUOR’s orifice and saw fit to make her drink over them kind of like new shoes?

Nice Barby sausage, steak, and salad by SILIC. Thanks also go to Brown Hill Hotel for having us and to Greg for having a down down.

Next Week’s Run: Olympic Avenue Mt Clear  Hare; MRS DICKHEAD Theme; Burfdy BBQ in the Bush

Run 1683, Daylight Savings Run. Hare: Rowdy Venue, Invermay. 6 October 2014

A quorum of over 30 hardy runners and non-runners braved the constant Invermay drizzle to celebrate the first Monday run in Daylight Savings. The pack set off at 6 50 sharp(ish) and went straight into the hills and the welcoming Australian eucalypt and pine plantation "bush". Bliss.
The running pack moved appropriately according to each Hashers' own pace, with a number of short cuts pointed out to try to keep the pack together. All was going well until a random car with P plates managed to park in the middle of nowhere right on top of a halt, letting the front runners keep going up a long hill and thereby adding a prolonged on-back. Nummy, who was first there, thought it was Christmas as well as two young virile lads were in the car and struck up a conversation with our stunning wood nymph. Unfortunately the Bill puffed up the hill just when things could have become interesting.
The rain was continuing and the hare decided that all should have a short cut, as he calculated the walkers would now be getting to the drink stop well ahead of the pack. How wrong could he be.
Pus Bucket, the proven master of finding the drink stop, muddled up his right and his left, and led the pack, against the protestations of Lois Lane, on an even longer unintended on-back than the runners. One advantage was that Bent Nose managed to become completely bushwhacked, and missed everything subsequently. A search party was not even considered.
Both packs met just at the start of a winding single track that crosses a creek gully back and forth a number of times prior to the final hill to the drink stop. Rowdy managed to grab the car key from Lois and open the car boot filled with grog for the slack pricks who celebrated spring by driving to the drink stop. Sillic, Rear Entry, Bad Hair Day and Fluid Movement; you know who you are.
The drink stop had celebratory Hawthorn ales, nice tasting but slightly wasted as the major Hawthorn supporters were conspicuously absent on the day. The rain got heavier, but SS managed to bring his umbrella.
Down downs were commenced after the Hash was moved inside out of the rain. Masturbait was welcomed after 5 weeks' absence. D & C was welcomed back after  a winter's absence. Normal was back, but not welcomed. He did fill in as Sergeant when Bent Nose cracked the shits and refused to do the job.
Fluid Movement performed a manful job fulfilling her duties as grog master despite a prolonged ailment. Both Shafted and Normal appreciated her on her knees and managed to get quite excited. The tension between them to attract her attentions led to a testosterone fuelled atmosphere that almost garnered Sillic's interest; however he stayed outside in the rain.
The fill in screw was delivered by the GM, highlighted again by Heavy's contribution from Paraburdoo, to the tune of Dandenong Ranges,
       "Rowdy's running through the Invermay Ranges with the Hashers for his friends; 
        We started running from RRRRRRowdy's place and finished back there again.
        La de dah dah daa."
and on it went.
The rest of the down downs were marked by Donuts looking remarkably like Russell Crowe should look, and all else trying to avoid the glass that Bad Hair Day drank from. Barbequed meat cooked by Sillic to perfection, salads, boiled potatoes and red wine were the staples of the meal. Shafted was last to leave, and probably managed to get home this time without driving on a short cut for 15 minutes only to pass the front gate again. Whoever said you are never to old to learn was once more proven wrong.

Next week's run is Rear Entry at the Brown Hill Hotel; sounds like a plot line from Deliverance.

RUN 1681 Venue: Millers Arms Hotel Hare: SILIC 29 September 2014

After the Ball, the football that is, Finals finalised, frayed friendships, magpies denying it even mattered. SILIC fresh from another year of the dog and feeling lighter had actually traversed the run on foot.  We set off on on down toward the North Brit where we lost a lot of non-runners to the drink. (they caught out FLO JO and SORRY wagging hash.  We generally ran up Macarthur.  MOUNTY knocked on PHUKWITPHILL’s door, also caught out wagging hash, to the Lake, to Webster, down to Armstrong and back up to car boot drink stop, simple but effective as opposed to simple and defective.

Welcome Backs to ROWDY from his Asian Jaunt, EXIT glided back in, did we forget JACK Who was banished to Hash while his girls gallivanted?  On a slow-news-night MRS DICKHEAD was belatedly presented with a Fabrique en Belgique Hash nametag necklace for her monumental 400^th run.

Popular punt for the screw song was, Like a Rubber Ball I’ll come bouncing back to you! HEAVY rejected this as too obvious and surprised us with a Sinatra classic, That’s Life, that’s what people say, got two balls in April, only one in May, back soon, back on top in June. What resilience!

BENT stepped up to the plate to fill SPENCES seargeanting shoes.  After all of last week’s Christmas copulation comedrop creations celebrations we had a New Year party porking product from the mid-1900s. Congrat's to EXIT for celebrating another year.

Victorious footy drinks to Hawk supporters, ROAD RUNNER and SPARTACUS. CRISS CROSS chimed in with a Goodwill with Harmony joke about the mysterious Tom Jones syndrome. When asked if its rare DOC replied, “It’s Not Unusual”

Then BENT got depressed when realised that despite his wasting efforts, he still throws a shadow. He made BP eat his sausage at the ensuing BBQ and made do with the salad undressed to the amusement of the Millers Darts teams.  Get your Balls Up Money and Registerashuns to LOIS This Monday.

Next Week’s Run: 269 Alkera Road Invermay  Hare; Trailmaster ROWDY Theme; Back to Bushics.