Matthew Gibney

Admin · 3 hrs

14 October, 2019. Pink Tie Night Bus Trip.

Lots of foreplay, no climax but a happy ending.

The Ballarat HHH met as instructed at the North Britain Hotel, dressed in Pink tie or equivalent at 6 30 pm for pre-lube drinks. All of the chatter was about the "C" word, our destination, and some outlandish statements were made, and possibly regretted, prior to the GM even making an appearance. He arrived fashionably late, and instructed us to get on the bus, just as Dumb had paid for a fresh beer.

Suck it up, Headen.

Avoca Bus Lines supplied a very comfortable coach, with a happy driver who actually got paid this time around. A couple of well stocked eskies heightened mood and expectation as the Hash followed Spencer's lead and slowly got pissed.

A convoluted trip out to Creswick followed, with an open tab at the Farmer's Arms which soon encouraged pints of Guinness and other shenanigans, only heightening expectations for the evening ahead. At this time Plucka, who was in control of the money tin, became uncontrollably excited by the similarity between Big Fucker Pauline's dress spectacles, and a set of Venetian blinds. Whatever turns you on, Plucka...

Back on the bus for a 30 second trip to the drink stop for the Circle. Fascinator got us off to his usual seamless start by welcoming our "visitors from Germany", Calapso and Fanny Chill. Head Hunter was charged as well because "she made us come". Don't you doubt it.

Quick Dick led the "Get a Life" down down song..

Bat Girl , Pebbles and Rowdy were charged for their secret training the day before, running the marathon, BF for her marathon drinking, and as as one doctor drinks, etc "20 toes"

Shafted got up to screw the run, and announced there was nothing to screw, 'just like at home'. He noted the absence of Her Fanny, and let Fascinator know he could help out if there was any issue. SHITTY TRAIL

An IRONICAL charge to the best dressed couple, Half a Bar and Bar Licka. No, No, No, Bad ,Bad, Bad...

Best dressed individual award tp BF Pauline, and to Lois because behind every Big Man is a Bigger Woman. Sergeant Mountie accused Plucka of dressing up but neglecting the pink, at which stage Plucka got all excited about "Bob peering through the venetian blinds". Wrong Bob, Plucka. (20 toes)

Her Vag was charged "You seem to know everything", Bitch Face for trying to have sex with Pus Bucket all weekend, and Snag charged for resisting. (Oh, the wiggle of her arse... )

Normal got a gong for his very respectable and distinguished outfit, and D&C for going to the trouble of actually wearing nickers (thank goodness) U G L Y

Our overseas guests were the literally gifted the shirt off Tommy's back, and managed to both fit in together. It seemed as though Calapso put it on back to front, then put it in back to front... (Give us an AAA......)

All that excitement had the crowd humming for the bus trip to the final destination, the old Canberra Hotel, not 199 m from the North Britain. A little Hash money across the bar, nice roast chicken or roast beef dinners, flowing red wine, and then.......

D&D won a wager regarding the destination and left the venue prematurely for a happy ending. Nummy nearly choked.

Next week, The Doctor Death from the Den at the City Oval.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 15 hrs

Run 1952 Daylight Savings Run 7 October , 2019

Hare Rowdy from the Nuggetty Dam

We have a BBQ!!!

After all the angst following the brazen theft of the Hash Troop Carrier and BBQ from under Shafted's nose earlier this year, The Sovereign Hash displayed all of its ingenuity and calm co-operation to deliver on time a BBQ for the Daylight Savings Bush Summer Runs.

Bent and BP supplied the sausage cooker, immaculately clean as expected. It looked like it had never been used, such was its pristine state. GM Fascinator supplied the transport in the form of a reinvented garden maintenance trailer with a slot perfectly sized for the BBQ. Normal and SS supplied the cooking skills to turn out 96 perfectly heated snags, with onions, and Glider lit the bonfire under the supervision of a strangely responsible Pus Bucket who prevented the fire from getting out of control while the hash were running and walking through the Aussie Bush on a mild but dry October evening.

The run made use of the single track and fire trails to wind south initially, across the bitumen to head up the steepish slope to Glen Park Road, then meandering north across the bitumen towards the Dam, with a little bush bashing and shaft avoiding at the end. The drink stop back at the bonfire kept all lubricated and talkin' footy.

Eventually GM Fascinator scaled his podium to announce welcomes back to Bent Nose, BP, Nutcracker, Mastabait, Rowdy and Half a Bar. (Give us an AAA...)

(there was a prolonged lull in proceeding while all commented on the tropical flavoured Aldi mid strength beer supplied by the Grog Master)

Tommy had to re drink his flavoured beer as a punishment for starting too early. (Ya Stupid)

Screw Shafted was eventually invited to participate, which he did in a positive manner. Thanked the RA (Nummy) for her magnificent job with the weather, commended Snag for his bonfire monitoring, lusted after the basalt Rocks from the Western Plains, then drooled over the quartz reef around and over which the run was set. Lauded the run then lamented the absence of Dr Death, who was to help with the song;

A Message to You, Rowdy...

Stop your messin' around,

Got to think of ya future, etc (SHITTY TRAIL)

Mountie managed to fit Normal, BP (born in 1952), Nummy (for being of coloured heritage), and Pus Bucket's Aunty Joan Sutherland in with Mrs Universe for the 1952 charges. (She's all right..)

Charges from Before the Run. Glider charged the GM for all the shit left behind in Learmonth after last week's run. Fascinator was called to account for his flat battery this evening, D&D for possibly supplying the said battery. Pus Bucket for his brilliant bonfire. Bitch Face for the Aldi Beer, and for being easy to pick up. (ya stupid)

Donuts and Squizzy had a special charge due to their dogs fighting on the run (? a bitch fight),- The dogs fought, and Squizzy lost.

Dumb and Dumber and Rowdy had a birthday charge, and I forgot the rest.

Most managed to leave before the rain came to douse the bonfire. All in all a good night.

Next week's run is the Pink Tie Run, bus from the North Britain at 6 30 pm, $40, with a Buy your drinks option at the destination, which is in a town which begins with C. (Cairns, Cairo, Creswick, Clunes, Castlemaine, Cressy, Cape Town.........who knows?)

30 - 9 - '19                  Run 1951                    Learmonth

The Clayton's BAD HEAD JOB Run from The Stag.
30+ showed up, most with bra on, or in hand, for the local 
McGrath Foundation effort. Obviously MASTABAIT was still
out of town - NORMAL becomes one's new very best friend,
looking for a lift !!
FASCINATOR welcomed Samoa Hash visitors, NOM NOM &
PEEPING CLAM, & a welcome back for run #3 - Shazza.
The BHD Corporation had been busy with other contracts, &
had to sub-contract out the "run setting", & everyone knows
what can happen when you involve subbies, but the 
Drink-stop was well taken care of !!
The Super Athletes headed off behind stand-in Hare 
FASCINATOR, walkers as well, leaving the bar flys behind
to stay refreshed. 
Very chilly at the Drink-stop, at the 'usual' Learmonth U-tunda,
with the Carlton Draught, chips & lollies.
Back at the Circle, SHAFTED had the customary interrogation
on (this time Shazza). Who made you cum & how? It was FOP.
What's your favourite position? Wing defence.
Next, a welcome drink for NOM NOM & PEEPING CLAM, & as 
all NOM's drink ..... you too NUMMY.
              (There's a game called 20 toes ................ ),
DUMBER's cousin Anne & George were next.
                           (They're stupid ............ ),
FASCINATOR called out GLIDER as the best "bra wearer", & he
did a circuit of the bar, while all the bras were thrown into
the Circle.
                        (Do your tits hang low ......... ),
FASCINATOR & BHD then took a drink as the combined Hares.
SHAFFY had NOM & PEEPING out , as they "didn't pay the 
whore", but how much did Samoa?"
                       (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ........... ),
Sergeant MOUNTIE said, "Great year 1951", for Orphan Annie,
George & NORMAL & real Birthday Girls came next - EXIT &
HEAD HUNTER. 
                        (Hashy Birthday f*ck you ........... ),
BITCHFACE had a drink for the "Toby Greene Father" saga, &
another from MRS D, for the reply at 2pm Sunday, to the 
unanswered Saturday call at 6pm.
SHAFTED charged PLUCKA for THE BILL's bra with the peg 
marks, then MRS D to DONUTS for the enormous bra that 
would take 2 human heads.
                   (Thank God she's finally shut up .......... ),
NOM NOM had a drink for coming to visit, & as all NUM's drink,
............. NUMMY?
                   (He's the meanest .............. ),
MRS D charged Shazza for wanting to pick a Hash Name for 
herself, then the Samoans for not being here last week. That's
NOM, PEEPING .... & all Nom's, NUMMY, & you weren't here 
last week PEBBLES.
                    (Build a bonfire ................... ),
NUM, DUMB & PAULINE .... & all NUMs NOM, took a charge 
for not swilling enough at the weekend.
                    (Oh, the wiggle of her arse ............. ),
FOP charged MOUNTIE for her bra size tnite, but DONUTS 
checked with the open hand & thought there might need to be 
more study done.
                          (She's alright ............... ),
NOM NOM gifted an Apia Hash shirt to FASCINATOR, then
SPENCER HOCKING happily made PEBBLES remove his
shirt (PEBBLES not happy Jan !!), to return favour to 
NOM NOM, so now PEBBLES, where's your Hash gear?
Have a drink.
Next week's Run - 1952 - Hare ROWDY, Daylight Savings.
On on Nuggety dam.

Presentable Pub Meals at The Stag, with sides of veg & salad.
SILIC was in twice (or was that thrice?). Tasty cherry ripe
Birthday Cake was spread round to celebrate EXIT &
HEAD HUNTER's big day.

  

23 - 9 - '19                        Run 1950                      G C's

Doctor, come back, it's only a game. 2020 is another year for 
the Pies - maybe even be a 'hat trick'.
Hash 35 for the SPARTACUS Run. HEAD HUNTER did a 
sterling job to quieten the crowd at the start, but not too many
cared.
FASCINATOR congratulated supporters of GWS, East/Point &
then Redan for their Back to Back flags. It was Brownlow Night 
so quite a few colours about.
SPARTACUS told us about a most intricate run, marked on the 
left in chalk, no on-backs marked & a Drink-stop.
Half a doz. Bar Flys kept the fires at home burning, there were 
about a doz. Walkers, & the rest, Super Athletes arriving 
together at the Carlton Draught Drink-stop in the garage at 
Buxtons. Intricate indeed was the run - west along Sturt (on the
south side) to Pleasant, then East along Sturt (on the north side)
to Buxtons.
At the Circle, FASCINATOR welcomed back DIMWIT, DONUTS
& Dr DEATH, & as all Dr's drink .......... Sharon & QUICKDICK.
NUTCRACKER had been "held up" (aka Lost) at the Halt.
                           (You're stupid ......... ),
FASCINATOR called for the "poor Collingwood wankers" & out 
came PEBBLES.
NUTCRACKER & Dr DEATH were out again for summ'et .... & as
all Dr's drink ..... QUICKDICK & Sharon.
Screw SHAFTED began by complaining that we'd left before he 
arrived, 'but we always do!!' He said that it was the Brains Trust 
left at the fireside - HALF A BAR, GLIDER, Dr DEATH & 
SPARTACUS. He likened the mateship of SPARTACUS & 
PUSBUCKET to Ray Charles & Mick Jagger, then launched into 
his version of Georgia/Angie.
            "Snags only rides a bike, but he's the one I like,
          Georgie, thank f*ck you don't drink so you can drive".
                               (Shitty Trail ......... ),
Sniffycunt Runs for BITCHFACE 69.
                          (Put your left leg in ........),
Charge for the Tigers' Supporters, BIG DOG & REAR ENTRY ....
.............. you'll do PRECIOUS.
         From the song sheet, "Oh we're from Liquorland ....."
3AW Morrisons Stolen Hay Correspondent Tommy HALF A BAR
was interviewed for quite a while & didn't say fuck once.
Sergeant MOUNTIE (minus fancy dress) had those out with the
1950 Birth Year ... DUMBER, NORMAL & DONUTS.
                  (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ......... ),
In Absentia Birthday drinks were next PHUCKWIT taken by 
( PUSBUCKET), GILF (TEFLON) & CLEAVerAGE (LOIS LANE).
Lefties MRS DICKHEAD, PUSBUCKET & SPARTACUS had the 
'waddaweewant' charge.
                   (Ya don't get me I'm part of the Union ..... ),
Another 'Pies' charge went to PEBBLES, NUTCRACKER &
THE BILL.
                             (U.G.L.Y........... you're ugly),
FASCINATOR had Dr Shazza out the front ....... & all Dr's,
Dr DEATH & QUICKDICK.
                              (No, no, bad, bad .......... ),
LOIS LANE charged PAULINE & SHAFTED for the car being
'rifled', then Dr DEATH charged BITCHFACE for wanting to do 
laps of the City Oval, but she was too pissed.
DIMWIT got a postcard addressed to:       DIMWIT,
                                                                   Ballarat, 
                                                                   Australia.
                              (Why was he born so ........ ),
MRS D charged HEAD HUNTER, D&C & QUICKDICK for 
showing off (tits) in the new green "Survivor" T's, then DUMBER
got the "Mustang on the Wire" charge. 
                            (They're all right ........... ),
THE BILL had PEBBLES & DIMWIT out for their photos on the 
Seniors Mag, & then NORMAL to HEAD HUNTER for what 
QUICKDICK does behind closed doors.
                            (Give us an A ........... ),
PAULINE charged NUMMY for 'backing back' at the lights, then
PEBBLES to NUTCRACKER for waiting at the HEAVY's Shop
"Circle with nothing in it". DONUTS had DIMWIT out for saying,
"Never give a woman an inch", then MRS D a shout for No1 Son
PRECIOUS, who couldn't unlock Mum's phone.
                             (Oughta be ............. ),
BITCHFACE gave MOUNTIE a drink for destroying NUMMY's
brand new shirt, with red wine, then PEBBLES took a charge for
(years ago) being a great follower on the field.
DIMWIT's zinger, "What noise does a nut make when it  sneezes?" 
             ........... "A Chew!!".
Next week's Run - 1951 - BAD HEAD JOB, 
                                         On On, The Stag Pub,
                                         Learmonth.        Bring a Bra.

                        

16 - 9 - '19     Run 1949     Irish Murphy's

The Dr's done it again - off on another sabbatical - this time, 
allegedly up North, for a Welcome to Country & to pay respects
to the Emerging.
The Grand Master had been in a spin, with the Buninyong Run
being cancelled, until the stand-in Hares stepped up - FOP &
Her Vag, for the run around the fabulous East. He'd posted a
16:49 step-off, but no-one was there that early, & we got away
by 18:49 !! Dimwit had off loaded the horn earlier into a bin by 
Buxton's, for collection by others.
First, a welcome to new runner Dr Sharon, then FOP told us
about the 'live hare' since trail had been washed out, it's about
5.5 km & there's a Wet Check.
After a HH (Heavy Halt) by his old res in Nicholson St., the Wet
Check of port, water & lollies turned out to be at Pop Fop's place.
Trail continued on FOP's old school route (Brother who?) to 
St Alipius, then on to the Drink-stop & Down Downs at the Good
Guy's undercover park.
At the Circle, a welcome drink for Dr Shazza, & as all Dr's drink,
you too Quickdick. 
                        (Why were they born so ........... ).
Welcome back to Glider, Exit, Nutbushclittylicker, Mountie,
Pusbucket & Pebbles.
Glider presented his "handy worked" goblets to Quickdick to 
mark his 100th run, & as all Dr's drink, you too Shazza.
                   (There's a game called 20 toes .........).
Sniffyc*nt runs - Lois Lane 888, FOP 388, D&C 161, & 
Shazza 1, & as all Dr's drink ..... Quickdick.
                    (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ........ ).
Birthday Boy FOP was next,
                     (Hashy Birthday f*ck you ...........).
Shafted was up for a Screw - would it be FOP or Her Vag ?
He said that it was a great run (but he wasn't on it!!). He 
presented Men's Health show bags to the combined Hares,
then proceeded with his re-hashed words to Jim Croce's
"Operator" for Fascinator.
                      (Shitty Trail ......... ).
Sergeant Mountie was back & had drinks for Bitchface,
Num Num, Pebbles, Fascinator, Her Vag & Glider -
1949 was the year the Irish f*cked the Poms off.
                   (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ...... ).
FOP (the nearly Dr) was next - the more Birthdays you 
have, the longer you live ...... & all Dr's drink Quickdick 
& Shazza.
Spencer Hocking had Quickdick out for 100 being the
digit sum of 1 & so is Shazza's No 1 ...... all Dr's.
Just then, the look-alike of Shafted's red truck, minus trailer
did a circuit, to a rousing rendition of "F*ck off ya c*nt, f*ck off".
Quickdick was out again for his role in the biodigester, & as
all Dr's drink ....... Shazza.
1949 was a good year - birth of Exit & Half a Bar.
                      (This is your down down song ........ ).
Nutcracker's shout for the Mates - D&C & NBCL for D&C's
jocks being on the clothesline.
                      (The wiggle of her arse ....... ).
A group hug to the closed circle finished the Down Downs,
& back for a Guiness & food.

Next week's run - No 1950, Hare Spartacus, On on GC's. 

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 10 September at 18:42

Shit Hot Curry of the Year

Run 1948 Hare Bent Nose, from his place. 9.9.19

Run 1948, in commemoration of the Indian Independence from Britain, had Bent promise the shit hot run of the year. The run was perfunctory, essentially straight lines south and then north, largely in lane ways (no shit carts seen, and Rear Entry also sadly absent). It must also be pointed out that India actually gained independence in 1947, so the run was both perfunctory and pointless. Not the shit hot run he was hoping for.....

The pack set off at 1847 hrs, initially like sheep up the footpath without any trail, until the hare on his bicycle set them straight. Shafted appeared as the pack exited the driveway, and joined in without further ado. A healthy pack of walkers did their loop, while the unhealthy barfly drove his new car slowly to the drinkstop at Boot Rooter's garage. There it was warm, with heating and tables to rest drinks and nibbles on (note to Bent).

Once settled back in to the cold and bare shed, Fascinator welcomed both Dimwit AND the horn. (fuck off, ya c*nt)

Shafted, rubbing against the grain, attended with a smaller horn which he blew incessantly and melodically.

Welcomes back also to Nummy, Mrs D, Normal, and Fucken Squizzy. Fascinator then christened "a fucking awesome run", and called Donuts out the front with the news of his new grandson, exciting all the women in the shed. SS, also, had a charge for his grandfatherly news of the last 7 days. (20 toes)

A Screw with a tail, began "has everyone got the text I sent?".

"Beautiful" was said a number of times, in reference to the run, the timing of the start, all the mining stuff, and the precisely engineered trail.

A book, "The Brothers Bent" was produced to much acclaim. It appears judgemental behaviour is inherited. Somewhere in the banter (after he was labelled by Shafted as Mr Ray Candle), Bent was heard to say "I'll never be a fat cunt." Right again Ray, you're not fat.

S H I T T Y TR A I L

Shit, I've forgotten to organise a Sergeant.

Spencer Hocking stepped up manfully.

Quick Dick 99, Head Hunter presented with a very tough, unbroken goblet. (Oh, the wiggle of her arse... )

BP was accused by Lois of using the family heirloom tablecloth as a bike cleaning rag (Shame, shame). A family down down resulted.

Dimwit was charged for being a referee for George Pell, and tried a zinger about his illness (girl flu). Donuts was labelled as PILF for the night.

Nutcracker had a drink for being the mother of a premiership winning player, and the partner of a losing coach. Dr Death was charged in absentia for Mad Monday, and as one Dr drinks, both of the others drinked.

SS was heard to say it was minus three degrees this morning. Shafted commented that that was almost an erection.

A few references were made re the plethora of bikes in the shed, missing of course the one Fang stole 25 years ago.

Fascinator then had 20 minutes of house keeping, announcing every run for the next 3 months. Next week, Crown Hotel Buninyong, then, somewhere that begins with L, and a pink tie night in the middle of October.

We all had a moment's reflection on the untimely passing of Danny Frawley, then adjourned to the Aroma of India for the shit hot curry of the year. Most were quite content.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 3 September at 18:17

Run 1947, Hare Rowdy, from his place in Victoria Avenue.

The scribe was too busy drinking Collingwood beer from Collingwood beer cans to take any notes last night. But it can be reported that Sillic was definitely concussed from his glassing incident the week before. Not because of his nonsensical conversation, but due to the fact that he actually took a Collingwood beer can from the drink stop. Complained about the packaging, but drank the bloody thing. We will see what next week brings.

The hare wandered back from placing the drink stop at 1810 hrs to find the Bill already set up in the back yard. Others managed to wander down the wrong driveway, but by 1845 the Grand Master gained the attention of the pack. 14 runners set off, with a larger contingent of walkers, who took a short cut to the Old Cemetery gates then followed trail through the tombstones, past the Eureka Diggers memorial, across Burnbank to the lake, then off to the drinkstop at the Drummond St Nth playground. Runners followed a longer trail, in fairly persistent drizzle, and Shafted followed his own nose but, Snag-like, ended up at the drink stop in time for refreshments.

Fascinator took charge, determined to not forget a single thing, and was doing well until he tried to improvise a song. Bent Nose quickly reminded him of the error of his ways.

Screw Shafted took centre stage and showed all how it should be done. Channelling Benny Hill and Ernie the Milkman:

"Now Rowdy liked a house wife, lets call her Mrs X,

Who its fair to say had bags for play and was very fond of sex

They say she was too much for him, she was horny, proud and cheek

But Rowdy took her temperature....three times every week!"

And so it continued. Very funny. S H I T T Y T R A I L

Palindromic Runs, Exit 101, Bitch Face 67 (just two short of 69, Fascinator is practising his technique already), Teflon 569. Spence sergeanted in his usual manner, keeping the circle amused and under control. Glider produced a copy of the weekend Australian for his usual Zinger for Bad Hair Day, and on and on it went.

The meal was well attended and lubricated at the top Eureka, with SS very happy to announce as it happened the birth of a much anticipated grandchild. Well done to all.

Next weeks run is from Bent and BP's place in Pleasant St Sth, on after Aroma of India, Sturt St., opposite G C's.