Bevan Kelly

Admin

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Run # 2115, 24 October 2022.

Bad Hair Day from The Bandstand

It’s time… for anyone to do the screw.

Tommy Half a Bar who arrived late and came halfway through the circle? Sure. Fuck it. He’s screwing the run. He thought it was the best run ever. He went to Bunnings aisle 1 to get some potting mix. Then he asked a girl where the potting mix was. She told him where to go. But he didn’t go there, he went to the batteries and plugs, where he grabbed 3 batteries. And then he came to the circle and thought it was the best run ever *This was not a joke. This was actually said in the circle. Pusbucket then told everyone of how Tommy Half a Bar was a protégé from Morrison’s, when he was born, he was the youngest baby ever. Pusbucket then explained that the walkers had been harassing the barflies who were at the George… but not Big Dog who completely ignored them. Pusbucket finished by adding his own two cents to the screw, Bad Hair Day had effectively improvised, adapted and overcame. (Shitty Trail)

Rowdy was the next charged for having an alcohol free day Sunday, right after he gave everyone a free alcohol day on Saturday. (Hashy Birthday)

Snag closed out by asking Rear Entry what sex position makes the ugliest babies. He then told Rear Entry to ask his mother. (U.G.L.Y)

Spencer Hocking then started the changes by charging everyone who had a birthday that week. Boner, Rowdy, and Rowdy’s relative Criss Cross. This then saw Mrs Dickhead charged for her birthday, despite being charged last week for her birthday. Then they would love to have a beer with Duncan cause it was his birthday. Fascinator has a birthday so he’s out the front to. Bent Nose said he has a birthday next year, but Fascinator reminded him “not yet you don’t”. (They outta be)

Rowdy was charged because DnC was pissed from Saturday she wasn’t acknowledged for driving Rowdy to Hash every week for 3 years. Tommy was also out the front because no one at the party believed he roots sheep. (Finnish drinking song)

A little belated, but RA Nutcracker was recognised for her miracle of stopping the rain for exactly the duration of the run. Her second miracle was the quantity of alcohol she drank on the weekend. Speaking of free beer, Rear Entry was charged for chipping his beer glass at the pub and getting a free beer. Immaculate Conception then pointed out that there’s only two reasons to go to the George; to pick up MILFs and to see creepy old men. Wonder which one the barflies were? (B.I.M.B.O)

It was contended that the greatest ever game of cricket was played the previous weekend, but Pusbucket and Spartacus came out the front because all those commentators have clearly never seen the Hash cricket. Mrs Dickhead then charged Precious for driving her… who passed his beer back to her cause he was driving. Immaculate was also charged for making a powerful enemy of the barflies. (A soul)

Spence himself was charged for a mistake he made earlier. DnC wasn’t pissed at Rowdy on Saturday, she was just pissed. Spence asked for Big Dog to take him away. When BP questioned why the Choir Master wasn’t asked to take us away, she was charged for questioning the Sergeant. (Thew wiggle of her ass *whisper*)

Lois Lane was disappointed that she had bought a sanitary pad to halt the flow of the Campaspe. Lord knows how old the pad was. Bad Hair Day was also applauded for putting a toilet in his run. (Mrs Murphy)

In an athletic feat that needed to be acknowledged, Shafted got a little way through the run before realising he had left his keys in the back seat of his car. He ran back, grabbed the keys and then completed the run with everyone else. Tommy then charged Pennyfarthing for almost running her over, only for a rebound when it was determined that Tommy’s car is idiot proof when it comes to running people over. (You’re stupid)

Boner was then commended for walking to the George with the barflies, a superhuman effort for him. There was then a visual gag about a Penny Farthing. (His one skin)

Next weeks run has been welcome documented in a two part series by Rowdy on the Facebook page.

 

Bevan Kelly

Admin

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Run # 2114, 17 October 2022.

Bent Nose from Creswick

It’s time… to use words to annoy the Prince of Pomposity, irregardless of whether they’re real.

Pusbucket welcomed all to the great area of Creswick, noting it as the birthplace of Norman Lindsay and John Curtin. Welcomes back to the area included Pebbles, Squizzy, and Rear Entry nominating himself for a beer for the second time in 3 weeks. (Get a life)

The birthday club was out in full swing again, with Mrs Dickhead, Boner and Wee Problem (she’s not here, but luckily Juscum bought the box she came in). (Hashy Birthday)

Then came the auspicious moment. The passing of the perpetual horn from one 1000 runner to the next. Firstly, Bad Hair Day, who held the horn for approximately 7 years, passed the horn to Criss Cross. And, almost as if to foreshadow Liz Truss, no sooner had he gained the title, Criss Cross passed the horn on to Lois Lane. (What a wank)

The raging Campaspe took centre stage. She “full up to here” and “spread far and wide”. The consensus was that the map just looks like a blob. The run started by going up… and then up… and then up. And then it went down and ran along a creek. Campaspe stated that we saw Kangaroos, which was a bonus and found our way back to a good drink stop… which smelt strongly of fertilizer. (Shitty trail)

Spencer Hocking came forward as the only sergeant from now on. He informed us that, if Rear Entry notes down more runs, he’ll be the next 1000 runner, and if he sits on the horn, he’ll have a rear entry. (B.I.M.B.O)

Precious and Pink Bits came out the front because Immaculate Conception wasn’t here (luckily we had the box he cums in) and they’d love to have a beer with Duncan. Campaspe then came out the front after the radio informed hash that she was going down. (Wiggle of her ass)

Nummy was then charge for brining a virgin runner the prior week but not being able to make her cum again. Precious was charged for proposing she be called Red Breast rather than Red Chest. (No no no)

Pusbucket was then charged for not saying where the drink stop was, which forced Tommy Half a Bar and Boner to walk half the walk. (What a wank)

Pebbles was charged for doing his 11th marathon. Precious then joined him for pointing out that, between the two of them, they had done an average of 5 and a half marathons each. Bent Nose joined for his similarly herculean effort of riding 55kms to set a 3km run. (Fuck hymn)

Nutcracker was the next charge. Having arrived at the drink stop, she asked who Master Bait was. Someone then told her it was “Bait” to which she responded “oh… Master Bait”. Juscum was then applauded for her heroics, having kicked a rock out of the way so that Squizzy wouldn’t fall over it on the run. (Finnish drinking song)

Fascinator then told the age old “kick in the nuts vs childbirth” joke. Rear Entry was then charged for spilling 3 beers at the pub and trying to deflect the blame. He then tried to change the subject by talking about socks. Pusbucket charged Rear Entry while he was out the front. Rear Entry lent Silic a couple of bucks a few month ago and hasn’t seen him since. Money well spent. (Why was he born so beautiful)

Boner was charged because Nutcracker and Mountie walked around the corner to see a lone Boner with all of his friends. (Mrs Murphy)

Boner then led a chorus of Swing Low Sweet Chariot. (Swing Low)

Rear Entry was the final charge for not knowing the words to the mime. (This is your down down song).

 

Bevan Kelly

Admin

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Run # 2112, 10 October 2022.

Immaculate Conception 21st from the Lake View

It’s time… for the Immaculate Conception.

The run was tour of the local lad’s life before returning for a quick circle.

The significant run was the new runner Robyn who refused to show her tits. (We’ve got virgins)

Teflon and DnC then received their 300 run shirts. They both refused to show their tits. They then blew out their celebratory 300 candles (Get a life)

And GILF received her 400 runs shirt. She refused to show her tits. After some money saving moves, the new 4 was added and to the 00s and GILF blew out her candles. (Get a life)

For the screw it was decided a quick screw is a good screw. Campaspe stated the map looked like a train, it was a journey of Immaculate Conception, flat and had a good drink stop. (Shitty Trail)

Spencer Hocking is back as Sergeant and he started by acknowledging the 21st birthday. And of course, Mrs D would love to have a beer with Duncan. (Hashy Birthday)

Immaculate Conception remained out the front to teach the new runner Robyn how to skull a beer. (Mrs Murphy)

Pink Bits then came out the front as a cautionary tale for Robyn, who was afraid of being called Red Chest. And of course, they’d love to have a beer with Duncan. (I’d love to have a beer with Duncan)

On the run, Mrs D tasked the runners with guessing the relevance of each stop to Immaculate’s life. Now they say you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. But Rowdy took all the shots and still managed to miss all of them. And of course, he’d love to have a beer with Duncan. (I’d love to have a beer with Duncan)

Rowdy remained out the front due his bizarre fascination with circumcision during the run. And of course, he’d love to have a beer with Duncan. (No no no)

It was then learnt that Quick Dick doesn’t remember anything past 3pm on the Black Tie Run, and he’s claiming that Big Dog and Donuts let everyone down by not keeping track for him. And of course, they’d love to have a beer with Duncan. (Roll back)

Shafted was then charged for looking if anyone can give a headjob. Criss Cross joined him for explaining his trip to Bunnings, where he explained how his nuts were loose. And of course, they’d love to have a beer with Duncan. (Give us an aye)

Short circle, Mitiamo coming up, let Nutcracker know if you’re AirBnbing.

Next Weeks run is Bent Nose. Rowdy knows the location, something about Creswick.

 

Bevan Kelly

Admin

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Run # 2111, 3 October 2022.

Rowdy Daylight Savings

It’s time… to save some daylight.

Being run 2111, Pusbucket politely informed hash that this is the digit sum of the square root of 25. Pusbucket then informed hash that there was a ravenous surge of food for after the circle, to which GILF was heard audibly cheering.

Friendly reminder of Mitiamo on the 12th and 13thof November. And Melbourne bike hash on the 20th of November in Ballarat.

Pusbucket then regaled the tidbits from the Bar Flies. He began with by discussing Rear Entry, who added to the camping discourse by explaining one time he was on the Darling. However, it seems that he was a bit confused, as he asked which river he was on. Dumb and Dumber joined him, with Pusbucket stating to have caught Dumb rubbing shoe polish on his dick. He reckons Dumb needs his hearing checked, because he was told to turn his clock back. (What a wank)

The recently ravenous Campaspe then fronted to Screw the run. She stated that Rowdy had stated there was few hills, before stating that there was approximately 80% hills. Campaspe then described the run as having too many hills and shiggy. But conceded that Rowdy made up for it with a good drink stop, lots of snacks, and a soiled mattress. (Shitty Trail)

Belated welcomes back to Road Runner, Donuts, the Bill, Randalf and DnC. Rear Entry then nominated himself for a beer at this time. Pink Bits also joined them for bringing the first new runner of Pusbucket’s hash the week before. (He’s the meanest)

Sergeant Quick Dick took the front for his last week before Spencer Hocking returned full time. Shafted was the first of Quick Dick’s last charges, with Quick Dick pointing out the ket that Shafted still had left on his hands. Head Hunter joined him, as Shafted had reached between her legs at the drink stop and found a cold box. (He outta be)

Pink Bits and Campaspe were charged for following Shafted and learning about Wolf Creek in the process. However, things got worse when they fell behind and Rowdy offered them his soiled mattress. (A soul)

A charge for the older harriets, as a beetle tried to climb between Precious’ legs, and the older harriets would’ve loved a Beatle to climb between their legs. Immaculate Conception fronted the circle due to having cum on his shirt. While fashion was the topic, Bent Nose was also called upon. It was noted that he had a white hat to match his white legs, a red singlet for his red shoes, and the blue of his shorts was to match his blue balls. And one person with red shoes drinks… calling on Rear Entry and Nutcracker. (This is your down down song)

Nummy was charged for her phone going off in her ass and playing Brown Eyed Girl. DnC was then charged for bringing her torch on the daylight savings run. (Mrs Murphy)

Spartacus was made the representative of the barflies, with concerns for their health and safety having not walked to the drink stop. The Bill was called out the front for his trail calling, which must have been performed in sign language. It was further noted that the Bill was also seen stalking around at the halts. Fascinator was then called upon to pay for the sins of his company, with Quick Dick having found a littered Buxton stubby holder on trail. Criss Cross then charged Pusbucket as he seemed to have gotten new draws, since he appeared to be using the old ones for firewood. Someone then asked when Mountie was due to get a new chest and drawers. (You’re stupid)

Precious, Immaculate and Randalf then fronted for all sounding the same. (You’re stupid)

Head Hunter and Pusbucket were then the subject of an Irish joke. We’ve all (allegedly) heard of putting two shovels in a corner and asking the Irish to take their pick. Well this was equated to Pusbucket saying the “end of the circle” and Head Hunter getting lost. Birthday charges then came for Rowdy turning 60, Randalf turning 18, and Dumb turning old. (Hashy Birthday)

Pink Bits was charged after she was heard complaining about Randalf’s brothers getting him drunk, because he “has school tomorrow”. The circle then ended with a story of Bent going to Hell. Satan welcomed Bent and said they had been expecting him. For his eternal agony, Satan told Bent he must stay a subterranean lake of lava for all of eternity. Bent then told Satan “technically it’s a lake of magma because it’s underground”, to which Satan informed him “now you know why you’re down here”. (This is your down down song)

Following the circle, the scribe was informed that they must recount the true entertainment of the night. At a point late in the night, not one, but two trucks arrived. Now… what they were doing is up for discussion. Were they trading a burnt out car? Were they passing the car back and forth before dumping it? Had they found a car? Were they giving a demonstration of male docking by using the car as an allegory? All of this was left to the imagination as the remaining hashers looked on.

 

Bevan Kelly

Admin

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Run # 2110, 26 September 2022.

Spencer Hocking from the Royal Mail

It’s time… for Lois Lanes 1000 run.

The proceedings were so highbrow that King Chaz 3 and Cammy even sent a letter. (She’s the meanest)

But the festivities weren’t done yet. Lois Lane was presented with her shirt and removed 2, but not all, of her layers to put it on. Pusbucket then tried to shake up and spray the champagne for the royalists. Sadly, he did not spray the champagne. Royalists Mountie, Num and Pennyfarthing joined Lois in a toast of champagne. (Get a life)

Lois then blew out the candles on her 1000 run cake before being presented with a 1000 run badge from Boner. Lois was joined out the front by new runner Jack and a welcomes back to Plucka. (We’ve got virgins)

The screw began with the iconic map of the week visual segment. This week the map allegedly looked like a boat. It was deemed well marked, until we lost trail. It was noted that Crowns were everywhere. We then went onto to Queen Street, followed by Spencer Street, then onto the corner of St James and Spencer Street. It was also noted that there were some difficulties at the drink stop, meaning Lois had to drink beer for the first time ever at the drink stop. In the closing sentiments, it was noted that all the streets in Sebastopol borrow their names from the fabulous east, giving a sense of familiarity. (Shitty trail)

Charges first went to Spencer Hocking for being in Sebas and not finding a single person capable of opening a boot. (No no no)

Pauline was then called out the front for a drink… and subsequently had his drink denied for time wasting. Quick Dick pointed out the rather apt and appropriate nature of Spencer Street, informing us that it was quite appropriate that we got on Spencer Street and then it just kept going on and on. Hash then heard of a hoon how honked at Pink Bits. QD have him a talking to and the driver explained that he was merely celebrating as this was the first time he had seen someone run in Sebas at night without holding a television. (The wiggle of her ass)

Rowdy and the Master Baiter got late welcomes back, before it was pointed out that Spencer Hocking was only allowed to set this run on school holidays as we went past the catholic school. Pusbucket also joined the welcomes back, as no one has seen the Swans for weeks. (They outta be)

Significant runs from the night included Head Hunters palindromic 202, Lois Lanes 1000, which was the digit sum of Jack’s 1. And most importantly, Spencer Hockings 1308 was the exact number of client houses I ran past doing a run in Sebas. (A soul)

*It was noted that we should now be singing for country and for king

Precious was charged out the front for being cashed up after stopping in the toilet stall on the way. A nomination was also made for the Pot calling the Kettle Black, with Spartacus commenting there’s nowhere to run from the Royal Mail, a bold proclamation considering his runs go up and then back down the one street. Hashy Birthdays were also called for Criss Cross and Head Hunter, with QD being heard to ask “when’s your birthday?” (Give us an aye)

Rowdy and Num were then charged for running through the Coles carpark and having the Hash police inform them that the were running the “Wrong” way. Lois remarked about how impressed she was that a sign in the venue had read “order this way” and “runner group” this way, commenting that Spencer had gone above and beyond to convince them it was a “runner group”. Jack was charged again simply for being their and proving that Immaculate Conception has friends. (Finnish Drinking song)

SS then charged Normal for giving an eerily detailed description of the bus crash earlier in the week. Num, Mountie, Dumb and Dumber, QD, Criss Cross and Pusbucket joined them. Hash heard about them attending an A Lister birthday party, where someone super spread COVID. (U.G.L.Y)

Pauline charged Lois because he saw her blow out the candles and had never seen her blow like that, only to have a rebound that he’d never seen her blow from that angle. (20 toes)

Next week/tomorrow’s run is Rowdy out at 5 Ways for daylight saving. He has stated “it’s gonna be warm”