Matthew Gibney

Admin · 12 hrs

Run 1964, Hare Bitch Face, really Pus Bucket although Bitch Face supplied the the Drink Stop, from the City Oval Redan FC Rooms (aka the Den).

The floor was NOT sticky.

A stinking hot day with a nor'wester wind from Hell preceded the run, only for a storm front to come through at 1815 hours to wipe most of the trail into near oblivion. It was an apocalyptic day, and most of Victoria was thankful we were not all burnt to a crisp, nevertheless the Sovereign Hash proceeded.

BF arranged things to perfection, with the wild weather gone as we stepped out the door to........no trail discernible to the human eye. Mountie braved the threat of a live dacking to lead the Hash on a loop around the footy ground, East to the hospital car park, through to the secret way to Vic Avenue, up towards the cemetery where the pack diverged into the long and the short way home, which of course was the City Oval Grandstand via Lake Wendouree and and a detour around Pleasant St Primary School.

Cold Coopers Pale Ale satisfied all.

Back at the Den Narelle did her usual magnificent job rolling Coopers stubbies while the GM got his shit together.

He'd actually arranged some charges before the run, but had to repeat them post, and admitted, "I might have fucked up".

You heard it here first.

After Fascinator's first "IMHFU" admission Nummy Nummy Num Num stepped up spontaneously to supply both some thinking music, and a welcome to country with her musical interlude.

Twas the highlight of the night.

Back to business, and Fascinator announced the engagement of Crutchless to her Did ya of last week. Congratulations to all involved, although Pebbles was heard to say to BHD "Why would you bother ??" Cynical pricks, both.

Happy Birthday to Dr Quick Dick and Dr Death, Mountie and Nummy also had a drink. Give us an AAAAA.

Shafted screwed the Runner, not the Run.

And why not?

Glen Campbell got a guernsey for the song, which deflated the mood instantaneously. SHITTY TRAIL

Fascinator then stepped back up with sniffy cunt runs:121 Beer Fuck, 1677 SS commemorating his year of birth, 400 for FOP, the Bill 1666, recognising his evil side, and Clitterbug an insignificant 37. Shafted offered to supply an insignificant appendage.

Mountie led off aggressively, asking people for a charge, which ended up as nominated new year resolutions.

Fascinator was charged for his birth year 1963 (He might have fucked up last week in failing to mention it), and Clitterbug who absolutely told everyone that she was born in 1964.

Pus Bucket heard numerous reminders of a new sports bar in Ballarat, for which he remains excited, while Mountie and Jenny lamented their Sports Bra purchases. Snag was offered a seat on the tram (after stumbling up the steps)🥂 by a younger member of society. It is not recorded whether he accepted the generous offer.

Rowdy was given a drink due to Dumb and Dumber's new habit of pissing in the fridge at night. Narelle was charged by Half a Bar for being competent, Big Dog got the "not charged" drink, and Fascinator announced he was unable to fuck up next week due to his absence, while simultaneously announcing Squizzy the Hare from the Yuille Cairn in Sebastopol.

Kind a glad I won't be there; over to you, BHD

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night.

...And a Happy New Year!!!

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Matthew Gibney

Admin · 15 hrs

Run 1962, Hares Mountie and Pus Bucket, "The Legs" Open Event at Mt Xavier Golf Club.

A perfect night for Hashing greeted an enthusiastic crowd (apart from Nummy who was bored shitless), slightly smaller than expected possibly due to the run being advertised as being from Midlands by last weeks' stand in scribe. BHD was explanatory rather than apologetic about the mistake, which Fascinator took on board, as 'the buck stops here" - "I may have fucked up".

Many attended dressed for golf, a few attended from 4 pm to actually have a hit prior to the run, and Shafted made his usual grand entry, this time spinning the wheels of a golf cart, and delivering a Jack Newton clone safely to the circle.

The run was cannily set by Pus Bucket, up the road, through the bush, a brief foray onto the golf course before wandering up to Eureka St, and home though the golf course to the well stocked drink stop at the18th tee. Snag managed to arrange a demonstration of poise under pressure when a lone golfer interrupted the circle, and plonked a 9 iron to the edge of the green, before wandering off and allowing us to finish the contents of the esky.

Dr Death seemed to dominate the charges due to his imposing personality, dry wit, distinguished good looks, and the lack of an arm and an eye. Fellow Dr, Quick Dick, explained the physics behind the force required to stop an aeroplane propeller, (Half a Newton), and then the remaining Doctor was charged for being born in the auspicious year of 1962. All doctors drank (Ya stupid... )

The same Quick Dick was charged for bringing his mother in law, Sheila, to hash, and she and her daughter joined in the drinking. (they're the meanest)

Dimwit, Rowdy, Quick Dick, Sheila and Head Hunter all were welcomed back, and the Screw was introduced.

Shafted complimented Pus Bucket on his lovely smile, named him a quiet achiever, commented on the number of tradie Hash houses we passed (Hymie, anyone), when on cue, SOS sauntered in. Rowdy got charged for NOT going up Cathies Lane (not on a Monday), the golf demonstration at the drink stop was mentioned, and some quasi religious happy clapping song was sung. SHITTY TRAIL

Sergeant Mountie gave SOS a drink, introduced Wayne, and Wayne, commented that "whoever invented christmas, they should be hung up on a cross", and gave Rowdy another drink for his year of birth.

Mr Quick Dick, and Snag got birthday drinks (and probably birthday roots as well). Also in 1962 the first KMart was opened (Nutcracker as it is her favourite shop), and the depiction of nude men was deemed to not be obscene (Shafted, because the Bill was hiding). UGLY

Real Golfers SS and Bait had a drink, pretend dress up golfers Jack Newton, Happy Gilmore, Jan Stephenson, Karrie Webb, and Tiger Woods, joined them, and the 3 hoes linking Tiger Woods to Santa were rewarded.

'The Legs' Open was mentioned with a query whether it was a 9 hole event or 18. Pebbles thought he would do the back nine later. D & C had a setback when she was bitten between the first and second holes (should have used protection), Half a Bar attempted a joke that failed, and Fang was called out for having his facebook post deemed offensive. (your one skin hangs down...)

Criss Cross saved himself a spot in the awards night by recounting a story of mistaking someone else for a boring prick, Fascinator told a long recounting about how he had to park in the disabled spot, and Dimwit told the one-liner about "Not the size of your putter.."

Mounties BBQ was finished off with the unveiling of a truly delicious cake for the true believers, all went home happy apart from Nummy, who was bored shitless.

Next week is the Christmas run, from the Freight bar, with a 2 course meal to follow the pub crawl and carols.

9 - 12 - '19                 Run 1961                   Buninyong Gardens

The Clayton's PLUCKA Duck "I'm fcn sick of this, I'm 
goin' home " Run set by Stand-in Hare CHRIS CROS.

The 30+ Hash turned up at the usual spot at the Gardens, already 
inundated by the "Friends Of ..." having their break-up. We were 
on-hold for a minute, waiting for the Hare to position the Drink-stop, 
then he returned to tell us about the 3km run that involved the odd 
hill. Shazza said that she had never been to the Gardens, making 
her a 'virgin' for the very 2nd time!! The "Friends Of" man invited us 
for a snag in bread & ice cream on our return.
The Drink-stop, well short of the 3k, was very welcome in the warm 
conditions, & well stocked with Peroni & Cascade Light.
Back to the cars, via the snag & ice cream stop, & transfer
on to De Soza Park in town.
At the Circle, FASCINATOR had welcomes back for 
BAR LICKER, HALF A BAR, MRS DICKHEAD, DIMWIT &
PEBBLES.            (U.G.L.Y.).
Sniffycunt Runs for DUMB(er) & DUMBER 1177, HALF A BAR 
1223, PEBBLES 533, D&C 169, & NORMAL 1132. That's when
MOUNTIE announced the 'Competition' in the Hash Book of,
"Where to put your name", with NORMAL being on top of
MOUNTIE ... ewwww!!
NUMMY presented BP with the 1100 Run medallion she'd found
in the back of a wardrobe.  (This is your Down Down song ... ).
SHAFFY had penned a song to the absent PLUCKA ( to the tune
of "Oh Carol") that, in part went,
           
          Oh Karol, Hass is but a fool, 
          Karol we all love you, though we treat you cruel,
          He hurt you, & he made you cry,
          But if you ever leave us, Hash would surely die.
          ...........
          ...........
          We will always want to see your titties,
          No matter what you do,
          Oh Karol, we're so in love with you.
          ............
          ............
          Hass hid the cash & hurt you,
          & Snaggy made you cry,
          So here we are without you,
          Chris Cros, the Prawns & I.               (Shitty Trail .....).

Sergeant MOUNTIE called out the 1961 Babies - SPENCER
HOCKING, SHAFTED & DR DEATH, ..... & as all Dr's ...
Shazza, & DIMWIT, cos' he'd seen a Doctor.  (There's a game).
NUTCRACKER & NBCL Poiter had a drink for the Barbie 
Boyfriend, & D&C for "cutting lunch".       (They're alright ....).
CHRIS CROS charged GM FASCINATOR for the ones who
vacate instead of setting their run - HALF A BAR & BAR LICKER
                                                           (They're the meanest ....).
MRS D charged BAR LICKER for saying that she was "served"
all night in Phuket, & MASTABAIT for the "strong coffee makes
you see more birds around the Lake".            (You're stupid ....).
The gags were out - PEBBLES had a drink for the old 
proctologist one, "It's OK to get an erection with the digital exam,
..... but I haven't ...... but I have said the Dr", & HALF A BAR's
girlfriend in Phuket "misses her penis".
The young couple at the table close by, had SHAFTED &
HALF A BAR keep all their 'fucks' to a dull roar.
                                                             (You're stupid .....).
MRS D called out the girls, NUTCRACKER, D&C, BP & 
MOUNTIE for being smooth "down there".  (Hymn fck him ...).
D&C gave MOUNTIE & PUSBUCKET an "over 60" drink.
All the while, BIGDOG & Co had been slaving over a hot BBQ,
to cook up some snags & a drayload of prawns. Some great 
salads, even one of CHRIS CROS' Celeb Chef jobs. 
FASCINATOR brought along a cheese platter, albeit left-over 
from his afternoon Open House.
Who'd have thought you couldn't leave Book & Cash at the table,
(the Keeper of the Book nearly cracked the shits & went home !!).
It 'walked' again, but the errant Grogmaster BITCHFACE, the bitch,
with it stuffed in her bag, dived in for another beer, to expose the
coloured plastic.

Next week's Run No 1962 - 
H3 Legs Open at Midlands Golf, Hare PUSBUCKET.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 14 hrs

Run 1960, Hare Shazza, from the Park Hotel.

A good crowd of Ballarat Hashers gathered at the Park Hotel to enjoy the deflowering of our latest virgin run setter, Shazza. The RA turned on a really shit evening, ridiculously cold for a global warming Southern Hemisphere December, and when reverence was called most put on an extra layer of clothing. Haemorrhoids was gracing the bar, but refused to join in, while Fluid Movement attended and joined in enthusiastically.

The run got off to an interrupted start, there being a traffic jam from all angles at the servo on the corner of Sturt and Gillies selling unleaded for 105 cents, and gas for 40 cents. Word had got around, and the lights seemed to skip "walk" for about 3 cycles. Trial wandered past Loretto, where another log jam of schoolgirls had the Bill jamming his pants. Couldn't wipe the smile off his face.

NBCL then demonstrated what a nice bloke he is by helping the Loretto rowers get their tinny out of the Lake, only to spoil it by inviting them all to pre season training for Redan FC. He almost had us fooled. Then through fairyland, back past the trout hatchery, through Prince Of Wales Park and Insignia Estate to the drinkstop at the Arch coffee shop. Overall not a bad effort for a first try.

Back at the pub, we had a continuation of last week's dummy spitting. Glider was back, but refused to join the circle initially as he was eating his dinner. Exit has no such issues. Plucka didn't quite make the circle, nor will she make her own run next week. Her Vag also left early (leaving virginal Shazza in the care of Mr Floppy). Most were left thinking, "WTF??"

Anyway, welcomes back to Fluid Movement, Squizzy (who missed the run), GILF, and Exit (No, no no, Bad, bad bad...)

Shafted had a field day with the 'virgin theme' ; made the most of the traffic lights being red, "Blood red, then the green light, everything was all white". He missed most of the run himself, but made up for it with his best Madonna impersonation ("Shazza virgin, set a run for the very first time"), then cool as you like transitioned into 'Smooothe FOPerator'. He managed to find some debris from the Spilt Milk event on the weekend, Shazza eventually identified the contraband.. SHITTY TRAIL

Fascinator piped in with his now obligatory "I might have fucked up".

Mountie, 1960, OCP available for the first time. Mistakes Pimp, Squizzy and Her Vagesty charged. FOP admitted "you'll do, Shazza: and both got a drink for their troubles.

Lois and BF Pauline were charged for their impending absence (Fuck off, Ya c*nts...), then Lois remained due to her reply to "so you'll be away for 2 months?" - looking panicked, "No, 8 weeks".

Mountie got a drink for the "Mounties Baseball club" sign spotted on the run, Snag for his eponymous urinal sign in the Gents. D&C charged Nummy as the Religious Adviser for the shitty weather, then had to drink herself for her NEW SHOES.. NBCL had a drink for the pink lipstick spotted on his lips before the run (now where did that come from?), then another one for liking his woman on all 4s. (ar sole, ar sole, a soldier i will be..)

In the absence of Dimwit, the 'if your dick was as hard as your elbow' gag went down to general amusement.

The circle stopped abruptly there, due to the impending serving of dinner sometime in the next 20 minutes. Priorities.

Next week's run is (I think) from the Buninyong Gardens, hare (i think) Criss Cross.

Meals when served were quite tasty, Shafted found a delicous Unwin wine for all to share, and the evening ended quite happily.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 22 hrs

Run 1959 Troppo Run from the Lake View, hares Nutcracker and D & C

A warm, breezy night greeted a large crowd of tropically attired Hashers upstairs at the Lake View, where "The Team" was busily ticking off the bespoke shirts as the purchasers ascended. It is not known if Glider ordered a shirts as he failed to ascend, turned around and returned to Bendigo.

The run was yet another splendid sneaky Spencer spiral, circling around and through the suburb now known as Lake Wendouree to finish at the boat shed, where Monique presided behind the bar for the drink stop. But the boat failed to float. Most were warmer because of it.

Fascinator quickly handed over to Shafted, who reprised last weeks' song, with Dr Death. Sounded just like Nummy sang it 7 days ago. D & D sounded the same as well. Same song sheet, different song. His heart is in the right place.

Shafted couldn't screw the run as he also failed to ascend in time, but sang this weeks song, a lov-er-ly bastardisation of Cat Stevens' Moonshadow, to general amusement.

Mountie then fronted the throng, saying "I'm no good with a microphone", and demonstrating exactly what she meant.

1959 Nummy born, weighing 9 lb 10 oz (ouch!). Pimp also was born at 9 lb 10 oz. He kept on going. (Why was she born so Beautiful...)

Lego patented ( Nutcracker, Leg openings). The Bill complaining of a sore arse after a recent colonoscopy. Nummy was drinking again as a birthday girl, also Plucka, who had the pleasure of sleeping in Rowdy's bed for the big day and night.

Charges then to Captain Pugwash, Seaman Stains, and Roger the Cabin Boy.

"Why is BF wearing sea shells?" Because she has grown out of her B shells.

Charges from before the run: BF again for her Ballarat Cup efforts, Rowdy also for summat, the Hares for the issue with Glider and the stairs.

Fascinator grabbed the microphone, to confess yet again "I may have fucked up". Welcomes back then awarded to Sillic, Pimp, Dimwit and others, farewell from work to BF Pauline (Fuck off, ya c*nt....)

More charges from the cup, (the hat's brand new), Masturbate for failing to share his winning tips, more jokes, including one from Dimwit which was a disaster, and then back up the stairs for meals.

The last stragglers were booted out of the pub at around 10 pm, decided on another drink stop at the boot of Maxine's care, and were treated to a live show from the first floor. Unexpected but educational.

No idea where next week's run is nor who will set trail. Half a Bar is in Thailand and seems not at all interested.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 12 hrs

Run 1958 Hare Donuts, from his place

A BUSH RUN !

A BUSH RUN !!

A BUSH RUN IS A GOOD RUN...

.... and Donuts delivered in spades. Perfect evening, interesting new trail, well stocked drink stop, good circle, BBQ meals, and a wonderful sunset with views of the stars wheeling across the darkening night sky set to the backdrop of Buninyong and Ballarat lights by night while a warming bonfire encouraged conversation and consumption.

13 runners ran a downhill clockwise loop through the Aussie bush, with a short walk/jog uphill to finish at the drink stop adjacent to the on on. All was well until Mountie asked where home was? Answer: 50 metres away where all those cars are parked. A short ride back to the Ranch saw the circle slowly commence.

Fascinator charged the returned runners, and the 1958 conceptions and deliveries (Num, Dumb, Teflon - Nummy Pus Bucket, Donuts) "Give me an AAA, Fuck off ya c*nts, You ought to be publicly pissed on".

Rowdy and D&D got a "smart arse " charge

Nummy screwed, said 1958 was a good year, then sang the Shafted sent song, to the tune of Freddy Mercury ("I love to ride my motor bike; I sometimes ride a Hash tart, too, and poke them with my spike") Dumb sang as well, seemed to be a slightly different song but his heart is in the right place.

Mountie fronted the circle to announce that Fascinator had fucked all her charges. Dr Shazza got an 'in the paper' charge.

Mountie then announced some very moving charges , embracing life in an extreme and holistic way, as only Hash can do well. NBCL could not attend as he was busy moving house, preparing the love shack after moving in with Nutcracker and a future full of happiness. Hearts melted. SS also had help moving into his new house, only to find his good, lifelong friend who assisted died suddenly the next day. Funeral this week.

After all that we descended into a series of frankly awful jokes. Where are you, Dimwit? Come back, we really miss you!

Glider went on with a Dr joke about nobs, Mountie a series of baker/donuts jokes, Bent with a better one about fading memory; "where did we eat last night, Rose?", followed up with a long winded German plane crash of a joke, to be outdone by Fascinator who retold one not worth retelling.

Dumb and Dumber rescued things by being himself and, firstly, losing his phone while on holidays, and trumping it by queuing for 6 hours in Japan to get a new one. Didn't last in the queue as he needed to leave to take a pee pee break. (Ya stupid, so fucking Dumb).

Next week the Troppo theme run from the Lake View, fancy troppo dress, hares D & C and Nutcracker.

Save the date:

02/02/2020, Glider Bendigo total palindromic date weekend.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 1 hr

11/11/2019 Run 1957, Remembrance Day Run from The House of Hugo. Hare SOS.

An enthusiastic crowd attended on time to the House of Hugo to view the little bugger before bedtime, to greet Tidy Twat, and to run with the Sovereign Hash.

After the oohing and aahing was done, GM Fascinator welcomed all and sundry, and then stated "just to confirm, I did fuck up". His statement was not disputed.

The run was a tidy circle along McCarthur, down Lake, crossing Drummond, across to the Gulch, then back to the traditional and well stocked, well iced drink stop in the primary school rubbish bin bay. After a brief moment of panic when both Glider and Squizzy played chicken with the cars we all relaxed into our beers before the short walk to home base for the evening's festivities.

Twiggy somehow got a mention as a welcome back, along with Precious, Donuts, Glider, BP, Lois Lane, Quick Dick, Plucka, Normal, Fang and others. In a week of monumental decisions, Mr Quick Dick and Head Hunter bought a house, SS built a house, and got a down down charge.

Shafted fronted the circle to announce the distribution of earnings from last week. No money was seen changing hands, so he must have access to the BSB numbers to half the hash.

The screw lamented the absence of a pre-lube, and of Tidy Twat from the run, commended the waterproofing* (*Tidy) of the run, and said SOS had no idea. The song was a version of "Simple Simon Says" which invoked a game of Tidy Twister complete with actions. SHITTY TRAIL

1957. Mountie and Maxine (D&C) born (Oh, the wiggle of her arse...) Elvis bought Graceland (as Dr Death bought La La Land), and as one Dr drinks......

Suzies Canal was opened again.

On the 11th of November:

Eureka Rebellion (SS and Glider old enough to remember)

(Uncle) Ned Kelly (FOP and Precious)

Kerr's Cur , and the run was from Kerr's House (Tidy Tiling)

Remembrance Day - fallen comrades: Big Balls, Crunt, Heavy, Half a Bra, Arso, Russell up the Publican.

Remembrance Day - Returned servicemen: Dr Death, Half a Bar, BHD, the Bill, Spartacus, Lois Lane, Plucka

and so it went on until too many sausages were cooked, shirts for the troppo night were ordered, and the red wine was cracked.

Thanks to the Tidy Team for their hospitality.

Next week a

*****BUSH RUN*****,

Hare Donuts, set from the end of State Forest Rd, on after at his house in Post Office Rd.