Monday, August 15, 2022

 

Admin
 14 h 
Run # 2104, 15 August 2022.
Rear Entry from the Ballarat Bowls Club
It’s time… for serious role delegation. So, for the Looney Tunes fans, it’s the triumphant return of the Road Runner as GM. In lieu of much of the committee, the night was defined by fill ins.
After a fantastic run in the east, the run commenced with the welcomes back under the expert guidance of Mr Runner. Welcomes backs were given to The Bill and SOS and presumably others. (Get a Life). This perfectly lead Hash into the fill in Screw, Nut Bush Clitty Licker. NBCL termed the run “The best of runs, the worst of runs”. He describe a run that “transversed” Sturt Street. When asked about clarity around the word transversed. He described that it meant the opposite of reversed. The run was termed to have been good in nature. (Shitty Trail)
It was then time for the fill in sergeant. Due to the sergeant and the scribe being the same person, the scribe will be referring to themselves in third person to make the sergeant look better… even if it makes the scribes attention to detail look shitter. The first charge went to Scomo, because despite his tendency to step into roles when they’re available in the government, he was notably absent when Hash needed someone to step into roles. Rowdy was also charged. The sergeant had told Rowdy that the Sergeant and Scribe may have hypothetically been one and the same, so it was his fault if the Scribe struggled with details. (There was a song here)
Rowdy was asked to stay out the front alongside the Billy Goat. Many people had seen the Billy Goat and stated that they hadn’t seen the Bill in a long time. But the Sergeant has Rowdy as a doctor who bulk bills and, as a result, they haven’t the bill in years. (There was a song here)
The sergeant also charged Bad Hair Day. Sometimes to charge before the run, you must charge during the run. It was noted that BHD was calling an awful lot of trail, almost as if he were a live hare. But, as we all know, BHD hasn’t had live hair since well before the run. Joining him was BP, how was charged for her little gash on the side of her face turning into a large bleeding gash in a week… no doubt the work of Bent Nose. (There was a song here)
There were a few charges that have faded into the obscurity of memory. The infinite fallibility of the human mind. Nutcracker and NBCL were charged for Nutcracker stating mid run that she had spent “all day on [her] knees” ensure it didn’t rain and nobody appreciated it. But Hash was fairly certain NBCL appreciated it. (There was a song here)
In the theme of blonde harriet charges, the sergeant charged DnC as they had been travelling a lot in the last few days. In their travels the sergeant had decided to refer to Ballarat as DnC because it’s kinda old, kinda wet “but I’d still go there”. (There was a song here)
At this point, Road Runner forgot what was going on and became both the GM and the sergeant. The only other noteworthy charge that comes to mind was a promise the scribe made to Pusbucket. This promise was a deeply seeded tradition in hash. As such, the circle watched Rear Entry fumble his way through the Richmond song once again… to great amusement. (YELLOW AND BLACK)
The rest of the night has been lost to the fallibility of human memory. Next weeks run… ask Rowdy, surely he knows.

 

Admin
 1 d 
Run # 2103, 8 August 2022.
Normal from The Grapes Hotel.
It is time… for the Normal to mark a run because Plucka wasn’t going to be able to make it… Welcomes back to Plucka, Pink Bits, Rear Entry and Shafted (Get a life).
Pusbucket welcomed himself back to Hash after taking a “feasibility study” to Darwin to assess the feasibility of transferring Hash up north. Unfortunately, the study was inconclusive, so another study will be taking place in Port Douglas next week.
Since the Campaspe seems to have dried up, Mountie took the stage with no MOOT after being given 5 minutes notice for her screw. Mountie announced that the run was not “rather flat” as Normal had stated, before launching into the peak of comedy… jokes at the expense of peoples lasts names.
- “How do 5 gay men walk? In One Direction”
- “What do gay men use after they a 69? Mouth wash”
- What do you call an annoying gay man? A pain in the ass”
To close out the screw, it was announced that “everyone” liked that run. (Shitty trail)
Normal then announced that Rowdy had paid for the drink stop, too which he was reminded “not yet”. The GM then bought Normal out the front for more of the peak of comedy… jokes at the expense of peoples last names. “What do you never say at a gay bar? Can I push in your stool?”. It was then noted that Tommy Half a Bar seemed to have given up on the Demons as he had announced he didn’t go to the football and had booked a snow trip during finals season. Hash then took a moment to appreciate Tommy’s new suit and tie look, obviously an indicator of the cast of the next season of Farmer Wants a Wife. (B.I.M.B.O)
Normal then told the circle of how he had been in the bush walking with Plucka and she had asked if he “wanted a hand” … sadly she was referring to setting the run and offered to drive the drinkstop. Normal then stated that he was not that desperate, to which it was insinuated that if one were to look up desperate in the dictionary, they would find a picture of Normal. (No no no)
NBCL then attempted to charge the GM for asking who wasn’t here last week when he was absent, but this was rebounded due to the recent veto stating: You must miss 2 weeks to get a welcome back *welcome back being the name, not a necessary indicator that one’s return was welcome. Dr Death then made a joke a year after he stopped being sergeant. Unlike his time as sergeant, this joke was unanimously declared funny. Normal was then given a congratulatory charge for his first time ever making everyone cum together. The circle then heard of the controversy that occurred during the barflies eventful evening. Pusbucket arrived and found a newspaper on a seat. He obviously moved the newspaper to sit down, only for Shafted to protest that the newspaper was saving his seat, to which Pusbucket informed him “It’s bums that keep seats lad, not newspapers”. (This is your down down song)
Normal was then given the Australian Bureau of Statistics charge. Statistically, if someone walks up and down a set of stairs 100 times, you’d reckon they gotta fall and die. Normal promptly walked down a flight of stairs to accept his charge. Mrs D then made a charge for the Millennial’s. She descried the new term quiet quitting, which sounded an awful lot like a Buzzfeed article that was not properly cited. (Dumbass)
Lois Lane was then charged for wearing her yellow beanie and trying to blend in with the plants by pretending to be a sunflower. The Hassle’s were then bought out the front to take a charge for the recently departed Judith Durham. (Down Down Down)
Bad Hair Day then charged the scribe for tapping away during the circle. I’d like to use my current platform to say “fuck you Bad Hair Day. Read this scribe”. The horse racers were then charged after the GM saw a big winner at the Darwin Cup. And with Dr Death out front, if one doctor drinks. (One Skin).
Next weeks run is Rear Entry at the Bowls Club opposite the Eastern Oval.

 

Admin
 1 d 
Run # 2102, 1 August 2022.
Big Dog from Cycle City.
It’s time… for a fill in… everybody? Short of a Sergeant, Screw and Grand Master, and with the scribe inexplicably missing for 4 weeks, Rowdy stepped up and assumed the role of GM, before assigning everyone defacto roles. Rowdy invited everyone to run number 2102 and informed us that in binary, it just doesn’t exist. Rowdy congratulate a few happy numbers, with BP on 1269 and Bent Nose joining her on 1450. (Get a life)
Tommy Half a Bar was called forward and asked for a geometric pattern. Being the resident maths genius for hash, Tommy was stumped. Rowdy then gave the example of 248, which was conveniently the same number of runs as Nutcracker had done. (You’re stupid). Whilst she was out the front, the RA was again charged for the very apparent rain that plagued the first half of the ru. (No no no)
Lois Lane then reminded the circle of the welcomes backs, before nominating herself as being a welcome back. Tommy Half a Bar joined her to ensure that she didn’t drink alone. (Self praise is no praise)
The Nut Bush Clitty Licker stood in as the screw, this time with more than 5 minutes to prepare. NBCL regaled hash that the seas were angry and they had not been this rough since the SS Miniamo. Amidst this rain, 4 brave souls trotted down the Vale, passing the BADAC, and the Non-BADAC, and a series of hills. Whilst climbing these various hills, it occurred to NBCL that us bipeds only have a single gear, and this run appeared to be set by a wheeled individual with multiple gears. NBCL informed the circle of the runners hitting the On-On back and reading the land to find themselves back on trail. It was later learnt that this ruined Big Dog’s perfectly set out run that formed a large BD. NBCL applauded the marking, stating he hadn’t seen lines that straight since Tommy ironed his jeans. The run was termed a “pretty pleasant” run in the end. (Shitty Trail).
Charges began with the stand in Sergeant, Bent Nose, calling out the NBCL. Whilst there are well known charges for not wearing hash gear, it was asked what the charge was for wearing someone else’s gear, with NBCLs jumper reading Nutcracker. Nutcracker added that they had been at the football on the weekend and NBCL had asked about the button up fly on his pants, only for Nutcracker to tell him that he was wearing the wrong pants. (U.G.L.Y)
Tommy Half a Bar then took the stage because he had a “very funny joke”. It was decided to let Tommy take the floor as there were concerns he wouldn’t be able to hold a thought for that long. Luckily for Hash, Tommy held the thought so long that he told the same joke from Meredith. (You’re stupid).
The next charge was for GILF who arrived early at the bike shop for the discount for hash people. Bent decided that GILF couldn’t drink alone and called on Half a Brain (to which Lois asked who’s that). Tommy was charged because, after 1283 runs, when he was told that everyone was leaving the venue, Tommy asked “where am I meant to go now” … blissfully ignorant of the run that was occurring. (You’re stupid).
Big Dog was then congratulated by hash. The week prior, he had been told it was his run and after some discussion with the GM he was heard to say “if you don’t like my style, you can take your committee and fuck off”. (Mrs Murphy)
Then, as a hash memoriam to Archie Roach, every Hasher over 66 was bought out the front to represent the stayers. Tommy asked who Archie was, to which someone politely informed him it was Cockroaches brother. (Down Down Down)
Precious was then charged for looking like a drowned water rat, the rakali, or the Iraqi if you are speaking in the first person. Big Dog was charged for his experimental on back marking with an OB and NBCL was charged for running when it was raining and then deciding to come home when it had stopped. BP rounded out the current lot when it was decided that the bolt on her neck resembled that of Frankenstein. (Get back to the kitchen)
Nutcracker and NBCL were bought out the front as they had fallen behind the pack on the run, right as the rain got the heaviest. All of a sudden the RA’s rain issue made a lot of sense, as anyone would be their wettest when they’re constantly with NBCL. And to end on a wholesome charge, Big Dog was congratulated for bringing together a very loud and fun group with his limited 15 people. (20 toes)

 

Admin
 1 d 
Run # 2101, 25 July 2022.
Precious from the Bunch of Grapes.
It’s time… for Christmas in July. The run was perfectly set to resemble a Santa hat… but then it rained so we fucked that idea off and ran under a bit more cover.
In the circle, the Grand Master, Pusbucket, informed us the run number was the digit sum of the square root of 16 which means fuck all. He then paralleled Hash to a promotion by attrition system and called on his new Screw, Shafted. Shafted stated that Campaspe would have expected a Christmas hat, but the hat seemed to have flopped, becoming wet and flat. Shafted stated that the run began by heading west, which you should never do, before simply stating that the run had shit weather. (Shitty trail)
Welcomes back to Shafted, Road Runner, DnC, BP and Bent. (You’re stupid). This was followed by bring out the hare, Precious, and SS to show the different generations. Gen Y and the cretaceous generation. (What a hasher)
Charges began by reading the first Noel of Precious. The next charge went to Shafted who saw a lady in a struggle and went to assist, proving the age of chivalry is well and truly not dead. With this, Shafted drew the first of hashes time themed Christmas gifts. He was joined by Big Dog and Spartacus, who had attended a quiz at the harriers club rooms the previous Friday. They weren’t very good, considering they ended the first round 3 out of 10. Normal then charged Bent, because they had completed 31 marathons together, but it was only when Normal let Bent take over the walk that he final got some free beer. (He’s the meanest)
Bent then drew from the Christmas bag a clock, further cementing his status as Hash’s resident clockhead. Bent was then charged alongside the RA, as Bent Nose took the walkers to his house and was heard to say “it’ll blow over in 5 minutes” before the rain got heavier 10 minutes later. NBCL was then bought out the front and charged for inadvertently walking out and showing a house guest his recently washed bits. Rowdy was similarly charged for having the most erect of all the… Santa hats. (This is your down down song)
Teflon and GILF were then charged following a trip Teflon took to the confession. Teflon confessed that he and GILF had lustful thoughts and wild sex. He explained that he tore her clothes off and threw her across the freezer. They weren’t banned from the church but they are banned from ALDI. (The wiggle of her ass). To finish off the charges, a beer was given to anyone in Christmas attire. (UGLY)
And then, just as proceedings were wrapping up, a very late comer charge for Pimp, followed by a beautiful rendition of Snag and Mountie’s song, silent night.
Jacki Fowler

 

Admin
 1 d 
Run # 2100, 18 July 2022.
Tommy Half a Bar from the Meredith Pub.
It is time… for the joint Geelong and Ballarat Hash run. The run was comprised of the 12 hashers on the bus, SS, PennyFarthing, Tommy Half a Bar, Barlicker, with Bait and Normal as late comers. And representing Geelong hash we had Fergie…
Post run, Pusbucket acknowledged that it was run 2100. And in an ode to Spencer Hocking, he explained that 2100 is the digit sum of the square root of 9 which means 2 thirds of fuck all. The proceedings began with a welcome back to Fergie, and if one Geelong Hasher drinks…, as well as welcomes backs to Tommy, Barlicker, The Masterbaiter and Big Dog. (If you’re from Geelong you’re a cunt). The RA, Nutcracker was charged for her comments on the bus ride out to Meredith. As the bus was leaving the Ballarat area, the rain began and Nutcracker was heard stating that Meredith was outside of her religious jurisdiction. Joining Nutcracker out the front was Mountie. At the same time the rain began, Pusbucket was heard to say “a little mizzle rhymes with pizzle”, to which Mountie responded “I’d rather be under a mizzle than a pizzle”.
The stand in screw for the evening was Nut Bush Clitty Licker, who had the greatness thrust upon him in the toilet. He noted that Tommy had taken the run to “bugger it if I know” and that the run was heading out to Ballan at one point. NBCL did note that the run went past a shrine to the traditional owners of the land, the Spielvogels, and ended at it’s non-existent drink stop. Upon finding the drink stop, it was stoked with NQR beer and chips. Tommy was heard to say “this is the longest screw there’s ever been in our family” before NBCL gave the run a rank of 1. (Shitty trail).
Tommy was made to stay out the front as hash was regaled with the tale of half the running pack returning to the pub. With no idea of where the drink stop was, Barlicker called Tommy to ask where the drink stop was, to which Tommy replied “where I’m parked”. Pusbucket bought Barlicker out the front as well and noted the issue in the family home. Tommy found Barlicker in bed with his best friend. Tommy gave Barlicker a bit of what for, but the dog was okay. (Finnish drinking song).
Pusbucket called Fergie out the front. Fergie was tasked with showing the walkers where to go. When Fergie asked “can I just tell them where to go?” Pusbucket concurred that he would also like to tell the walkers where to go. Teflon was bought out to stop the Geelong hashers from drinking alone and was charged for his colour coordinated outfit. (They’re poofters, they’re assholes , they outta be pegged… *Bangs table profusely*)
Tommy was again out the front, this time for his affiliation to the gun club, who held a shooting contest the other day by having Tommy stand on a barrel while they took shots at him. Claire from the pub was bought forward and Hash heard of her conversation where she expressed admiration for Shafted, ad noted that he “literally shafted me”. (Get back in the kitchen).
Tommy Half a Bar then told hash of a “very good joke”. Tommy told the story of a schoolteacher who thought it was a good idea to ask the children of the class what their fathers did for a job. The first child said their father was a plumber. The next, an electrician. Then little Johnny said that his father was a stripper at a gay bar, and if he gets paid enough money, he has sex with men out in the back-alley way. Th teacher was decidedly concerned and asked Johnny privately if what he had said was true. Johnny told the teacher that it wasn’t true but he was too embarrassed to tell the class that his actually plays for Collingwood. A charge was given to Rowdy. Precious was then charged for spending his 23rd in Buttfuck nowhere. (Mrs Murphy)
Charges from the run saw Tommy charged for an unmarked on back, to which Tommy responded that there “were 3 of them”, two of which were neve found. Teflon was also charged for running past a big X. Teflon called the large on back, only to be told it was a railway street marking. (A Soldier). Precious and Juscum were charged for disappearing down a dirty lane together, before Tommy was charged again for stating his run would where hash had never gone before. This was wrong (Give us an aye)
Normal was bought out the front for standing in for Tommy on the run. Normal took the important task of watching Fergie, because last time there was shiggy, Fergie wasn’t able to get his leg over. Teflon and GILF came out the front for setting bike trail in wine country in 2020 that Fergie missed due to car issues. It was then asked if “Wine country was where it was or the sound he made”. Hash the circle began to slow, a charge was given to Spartacus for the optimistic third jug. (No no no)
Mrs D was bought out the front and the circle heard of her class that was getting boring, so she asked the class to write poems and discuss the poems. The next day she asked the first boy out the front who said “My names Dan and one day I’ll be a man and I’ll grow up and go to Japan”. Impressed by the first poem, another student was asked to read their poem out. She said “My names Mary, and I hope to grow up and be a lady and have a baby”. Feeling that it was going well, Mrs D asked another young man to read his poem, to which she heard “My names also dan, fuck China and fuck Japan, Mary wants a baby, I’m the fucking man”. The next charge went to the RA for gloating about there being no rain on the run, moments before the rain at the drink stop. NBCL was then charged for his aptly selected Rains in Africa from the shuffle party. Pusbucket was charged for running in a hash event on the weekend, which saw someone end up being rushed to hospital. However, all was not bad. NBCL stated that Gina (the victim of the fall) ended up with a plate in her hand, so next time they ask ladies to bring plates, she’s set. (UGLY)
Jacki Fowler and 1 other