Sharon Olsen

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RUN 2034 – HARE: MOUNTIE – CHISHOLM ST RESERVE ROTUNDA & EUREKA PIZZA

Virgin Scribe – so apologies if I missed details but this is hash, so I'm not really sorry, and at least I’m giving it a go.

Thirty or so Hashers assembled at the Chisholm St Reserve Rotunda for the first run under new the Grandmaster’s reign. The GMs, Nutcracker and D&C, handed out the new committee shirts “The Hash That Shagged Me” and off we disappeared into the dark for the run/walk. Torches were recommended but as usual, not everyone listened. After traipsing around the bush, the runners and walkers converged at the rotunda for a well-earned drink stop where Donuts was handing out Year of the Do Not stubby holders.

Welcomes Back included: Squizzy and Pimp. Get a life

Spencer Hocking started the sniffycunt runs but more were also read out by Juz Cum, Dr Death and Shafted. Sniffy runs included: Juz Cum 51, Rowdy 1270, Criss Cross 1031, Pebbles 587, Mrs D 666, D&C 232, Head Hunter 161, Quick Dick 160, Mountie 1082, Donuts 733, Half-a-bar 1255. 20 Toes & Hymn

Rowdy was then called upon to screw the run however he announced that he was shagging not screwing the run, “This was a shagalicious run that was well marked and had a bit of everything, hills, bush, shiggy and finished with a simultaneous climax. The bar has been set and hopefully all future runs are as good as this. Score: 1 Billion!” Shitty Trail

Sergeant Dr Death talked about Anzac Day and charged our New Zealanders and Serving Members who included: BP, Dumb n Dumber, Half-a-bar, Bad Hair Day, The Bill and Head Hunter. Give us an A

Charges from before the run included Pimp – for stretching, Pebbles – for having a birthday and Half-a-bar – for being the oldest Melbourne FC supporter. Get a life

Other charges included Juz Cum (not sure why), Donuts for arriving almost first at the start, now that he is no longer GM, BHD and Plucka for something about the horn. Sit on my Face

Squizzy and Half-a-Bar then told jokes that were actually kinda funny and weren’t too long. Build a Bonfire. Half-a-bar was also charged for creases in both the back and front of his jeans. 20 Toes

Charges from the run included Campaspe for being a touch precious crossing the river not wanting to get her shoes wet. Other charges went to Teflon and Gilf for coming out of the bush, pebbles for going into the bush, Precious re Campaspe, Spencer Hocking re Campaspe & Precious although he claimed to have not touched a child for years and The Bill for taking a short cut. Mrs Murphy

Charges from after the run went to Snag, Big Dog and Mountie who were made to walk home after a recent night out. No No No!

Next Week’s Run - Monday 3rd May 2021:

Num Num, the new trail master, then made demands for names for future runs before announcing that because no one else would do it, she was setting next week’s run from 103 Cuthberts Road, Alfredton (on the corner of Alfredton Drive) and will be taking orders for fish n chips after the run.

 

Jason Kelly

Admin

  · 2t2cmo AptddSprdilct iatS io2nSn2s:hior3noe4cd  · 

RUN 2033 – AGM – PIANO BAR BALLARAT

Thirty-eight Hashers assembled at the Piano Bar to celebrate Donuts’ fuck off run. Donuts welcomed our 2 visitors, Mental Disorder and Menstrual Disorder, before passing the floor to Fascinator, our Hare for the evening, who began by telling us that he “may have fucked up, there will be a bit of a live hare”. Fourteen athletes completed the 4km run before converging with the fifteen walkers at the Titanic Memorial Bandstand for the well-stocked drinks stop.

Back at the Piano Bar there was a significant delay prior to the circle whilst Zoom technology was arranged to allow Bitch Face (Tassie), DnC (Qld) and Lois Lane and Pauline (Qld) to join us.

At 8pm Donuts called for reverence for the final time and welcomed back Big Dog, Fang, The Bill, Narelle, Gina, Pebbles and Randy Headjob Boy (Andy Pobjoy). They were joined by our visitors, Mental Disorder and Menstrual Disorder.  Get a life 

Bent Nose called up Fascinator to be screwed, “The run, despite the inclination, was not a fuck-up. How does One screw a Fuck-up who doesn’t fuck up? The only possible fuck-up was that he didn’t tell the Barflies the location of the drinks stop, which is not actually a fuck-up and should be applauded”. Ben Nose then concluded that “As the awards were last week there is no point to this screw, therefore there is no point to the score”  Shitty Trail 

Spencer Hocking acknowledged the sniffycunt runs: Mountie 1081 and Fascinator 181. So they didn’t drink alone he called Tommy Half-a-Bar to share how today’s date 19-4-21 could be significant… (take the 1 from the 9 equals 8, then you’re left with 8-4-2-1)  Sing a song of Hashers 

Sergeant Quick Dick’s first charge was Fop (moi); apparently QD was shitty that I didn’t include any of his charges from last week in the weekly blog. Just to piss him off even more I’ve decided not to include any of this week’s charges as well. I'm especially not going to include the charge from Spencer to Half-a-Bar for sitting in the quiet carriage of the train; or Mounties charge to Pus Bucket for complaining about a sore arm after his COVID vaccination (the jab was in his other arm). And finally, I’m not going to mention that Shafted, Dr Death and Tommy have spent the week “drilling in the paddock” (nothing to do with sodomy, they’re just locating the world’s greatest gold deposit… buy shares in their company now before everyone else jumps on the bandwagon)  Hymn, Hymn…

The night was getting late and the Zoom call was about to run out so to expedite the evening there were no drinks for the outgoing GM or his committee (all this typing and not even a beer). Then came the moment for Donuts to announce the new GM…

Nutcracker and DnC 
As DnC was on Zoom, co-GM Nutsy took the floor and announced that this year’s theme is “Yeah Baby” (cue Austin Powers music whilst DnC donned an Austin Powers wig and glasses). The committee was then announced as follows:

Choir Master – Rowdy

Screw – Mountie (the only new committee member who didn’t know who the new GM was going to be)

Scribe – Campaspee

Religious Advisor – Mrs Dickhead

Trail Master – Dumb n Dumber and Num Num

Hash Cash – Big Dog

Keeper of the Book – Just Cum

Grog Master – Donuts

Zoom Master – Spencer Hocking

Hash Haberdash – Lois Lane and Pauline

Hash Flash – Precious

Hash Horn – Plucka

Sergeant – Dr Death and Shafted

From there Andy Pobjoy (Randy Headjob Boy) did what he does best and kept the crowd dancing through the night.

Next Week’s Run: Mountie – Chisholm St Reserve, Black Hill. On after is at Eureka Pizza and Pasta.

 

Jason Kelly

Admin

  · 2tShuopoonsored  · 

RUN 2032 – AWARDS NIGHT AND MYSTERY BUS TRIP

Wasn’t it fabulous to have a bus trip again! 32 dressed-up Hashers arrived at the City Oval prior to 6pm SHARP (well 28 were there at 6pm) and boarded the grog laden bus, eagerly anticipating the adventure ahead. The bus headed north past the airport and pulled up on the outskirts of Clunes, offloading the 6 dedicated athletes in the pack for the 1.2 km run.

The runners and the bus then converged on the “National Hotel” in Clunes, a brave choice of venue as we had been run out of town on our past 2 visits to Clunes.

Inside the pub, Donuts welcomed back Exit, then charged her and GILF for being the last to arrive for the bus ( You’re stupid ). Precious was then charged for having no black tie (and no clean jocks), and Campaspee as she had no Stubby Holder. Joining them were Nutsy and DnC, charged for having a garter malfunction ( Well the wiggle of her arse ).

Bent Nose kept his screw very brief, “Today I am just going to score the run – The run was like the Black Hole of Calcutta, as such, the score is Calcutta!” ( Shitty trail ).

AWARDS THEN FOLLOWED:

Tight arsed prick of the year – Silic (he’s too tight to return the trophy)

Piss Pot (presented by Mountie) – Head Hunter (falling over on NYE)

Spectacle of the Year (presented by Shafted) – Fop (Xmas run)

Both the Shit Hot and Shit House run of the year were presented by our Screw Bent Nose, who had kept score all year:

Shit House – Her Vag (she scored i (imaginary number = -√2) for her run from Latrobe St)

Shit Hot Run – Bad Hair Day (scoring 10² – 9² for his run from Mt Pleasant)

Black Kettle Awards (presented by Rowdy) – Spencer Hocking (charging Nutsy for having a different coloured streak in her hair)

Dummy Spit Award – Dim Wit (getting lost on the way to Slatey Creek)

AhSo Award for best Club Person – Pauline

After the awards and our glorious 2-course feed we danced the night away to "The Do Nots” band, playing the mellow classics of yesteryear. Last drinks were called just after 11pm, then we piled back onto the bus for the piss and laughter-filled trip home.

Next Week’s run – AGM – Piano Bar Ballarat, 6:20pm, $20

(Thank God I’m not the Scribe next year!!)