Matthew Gibney

Admin · 7 hrs

Run 1968, The BF Run, hare Precious from the Market Hotel, Australia Day Long Weekend.

Precious wanted a BF run (Best Fuckin' Run EVER). He was sooo excited about the run and the theme, he didn't shut up for 2 hours.

Fascinator wanted to avoid a BF run (Big Fuckup) so he abandoned Ballarat entirely.

BF #1, BF #2, BF #3, and BF#4 were all present before and after the run, but BF#2 went missing in the middle, ambushed by the BFs (Bar Flies). The BFBF (Big Fat Bar Fly) was noted for failing to walk through a closed door this time around.

BF #1 wore a Peru Football Federation top the the Aussie Day Run, BF#2 missed her own farewell, BF #3 appeared out of Butt Fuck nowhere at the drink stop and didn't let Precious out of her clutches for the rest of the evening, and BF Pauline was welcome back from his 2 month sabbatical, and joined in enthusiastically. All four BFs then sat in a row for their dinners. It was almost cute.

A good crowd gathered in the Bar of the Market Hotel, and waited, and waited, and waited for someone to take charge. Eventually Nummy called us to attention and Precious led us on our merry way. Initially 11 athletes ran; ended up with the Fab Four and Precious running into the drink stop.

What Beatles album was released in 1968, what was the name of Bob Dylan's backing band in 1968, who won Australia top 100 countdown this year, who won it in 2012. What was the relevance of the Aldi Halt, why did trail go some way, but not all the way to the medical centre. Plane Avenue, Terry White real estate, Carlton St were all relevant to the music theme, carefully crafted by the Hare, and mucked up by the short cutting runners. Twas a long and winding road.

The drink stop was a family affair, with Fop as proud of the varied beer supplied as Precious was of the trail. All watered, saw the pack winding back to the old fashioned Beer Garden at the pub, where Fop stood up as ring Master.

Welcome back to Lois, BF Pauline, BP, Beer Fuck, GILF, Glider, Exit, Immaculate Conception, Spencer Hocking, Butt Fuck, Dr Shazza, Clitterbug. "Get a Life...."

Rowdy screwed the run much as above, and finished with an unaccompanied version of 'I want to hold your hand'. Not a patch on Shafted. SHITTY TRAIL

Mountie was not a stand in.

1968. The Battle of Khe Sanh. Led Zeppelin released the album "Dazed and Confused"

Australia Day:Why do Aussies wear thongs? Need an IQ over 60 to tie shoe laces.

The difference between an Aussie wedding and a funeral? One less drunk at the funeral.

Exit charged Glider for running over kangaroos in his tow truck. BF Pauline charged Lois for getting a California splinter in her bum. At least she got some wood. Immaculate Conception celebrated his coming of age with a legal hash beer.

D&D, Normal and Spencer Hocking were charged for all causing earthquakes on their overseas travels.

After a few more charges, Normal announced details of transport to Glider's Axedale run. Bus leaving Reptile Gulch at 0845 hours SHARP on Sunday morning, $10 for the bus, $5 for the run, BYO drinks for the bus.

Next Mondays run was announced as the cricket run. The trail master thinks HE is setting a run from Miners Rest. I will let them sort it out between them.

Neither appears to be a BUSH RUN. More Shame. He has fucked up again even without attending.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 

Run 1967 Hare Stubby from Morres St

"I might not have fucked up" began the GM to the assembled throng in the summer drizzle. He seems to have set his 'fuck-up' bar lower than Bridget McKenzie, but then again he does sell real estate...

Half a Bar was supposed to be hare, but for the second time this year just managed to head north with his bride on the week of his run. Dr Death has the current record at 3 x DNA, but it might be a close run thing by April.

The weather was shit; wet and windy.

The location was excellent and the host generous; - but then Pimp mucks it all up by bringing a Half a Bar clone with him, quickly labelled a quarter Bar, with his wife Bar Stool. 'Huge' Grant made the mistake of attending twice in a row, but was sensible enough to ditch the fairy princess theme, and miss the down down circle.

But the biggest fuck up of all remains the fact that since the Daylight Savings run at the start of October, we have had a total of ONE (1) bush run only (thanks Donuts).

Shame, shame, shame.

Welcomes and welcomes back announced before the run to Rowdy, D&C,Stubby, Pimp,Huge Grant, Dimwit, 1/4 Bar and Bar Stool.

Stubby announced the run was set in flour and chalk, still visible despite the rain, and urged us to yell "fuck, fuck" instead of "on, on" to commemorate Tommy.

The run made use of the adjacent Yarrowee Trail, eventually crossing the rail bridge to a tour of the house of Head Hunter and Mr Quick Dick, wandered though Specimen Vale to the Synagogue, back across the rail bridge to a very well stocked drink stop with a collection of beers, notable for a number of black beers and stouts which all warranted tasting. Well done Stubby.

The rain had almost abated by the time all were shepherded outside for the circle. Rowdy and the Bill stayed on the back porch keeping dry and overseeing proceedings. Precious screwed the run, commented that it was far superior to any run Half a Bar has set (which is only one as it is the same each year), noted the lack of on backs and halts, and labelled it a Decent Hash Run. (SHITTY TRAIL)

Mountie started with 1967 ("how many days did the 6 Day War last?). Mr Quick Dick got the answer. First Heart Transplanrt drink went to Normal as his is still missing. (Ya Stupid..)

Nummy got the Indigenous Australians being included in the Census charge, and Quick Dick the 'there's nothing as Quick as Concorde' charge.

Mountie and BF were charged for undressing in public before the run, and Spencer Hocking sent a text to Chriss Cross getting excited about the total Palindromic run at Axedale on 02.02.2020, suggesting we time the start for 41 seconds past 2 pm (14.00.41 in 24 hour time)

Head Hunter and Pimp made the mistake of wearing new shoes. Bitch Face got a charge for being Bitch Face, Big Dog for wearing jocks advertising himself as a "performance Man", Pebbles for flogging AMP,

Mountie's Gin Diet was applauded (I've lost 2 days already")

Dimwit had another zinger (What do you get when you boil a funny bone ; Laughing stock). The bar is indeed set low.

SS announced the passing of an old Ballarat Hasher, "Pussy" Everist, who is having a memorial service at the Mercure on Thursday. ON ON.

Fascinator then cheered us all up by announcing he would be absent next week, from the Australia Day, "Bugger off Bitch Face, so long Susie" run, Hare Precious from the Market Hotel. And no, Vic Park does NOT count as a bush run.

The could be another smaller bus going to Axedale for Glider's Palindromic run, contact the authorities if interested.

13 - 1 - '20                 Run 1966           103 Cuthbert's Rd  

Herewith bar fly stand-in installment, in support of the 
continuing Rowdy sabbatical. Dumb(er) & Dumber and 
Num Num's Run from 'their' street.
The return of GM Fascinator, who appeared, at least early
on, to not fuck up. He welcomed virgin runner, (his most 
recent real estate 'duping', Hugh), Grant, then followed up 
with a long rant/chant to welcome back Hash Cash Plucka. 
Dumber talked about the run being marked in chalk & flour,
& there's a Drink-stop, but it's not here !! Turned out to be
at Shazza's.
Runners & walkers vacated, leaving 6 bar flys to chew over 
the cricket / football / horses fat - well, what else? Glider &
Exit joined in after they organised a tilt tray to transport the
"expired Vulva" back to Bendigo. The 'late' Shafted 
completed the team, decked out in his shiny Doc Martin
'new shoes'.
Assuming the usual well stocked Drink-stop, Squizzy's fruit
theme continued, this time with grapes & oranges.
At the Circle, stand-in Horn Shaffy called the reverence, &
asked virgin hare Grant, "who made you cum??" "It was the
GM, & it cost me half a mill" he said.     (Give us an A .... ).
Welcomes back to Fascinator, Normal, Plucka, Quickdick,
Head Hunter, Chris Cros, NBCL Poiter, Shazza, Exit,
Glider, & Silic.
Fascinator (may have fucked up), called out Pebbles for a
forgotten welcome back.
Someone called out "where's Glider?", "He's hidden behind
Silic", but then couldn't we all?
Dumb & Num were out together for a good 'screwing'. Trail
followed the streets, with no hills & a fruit theme at the 
Drink-stop. Chris Cros was lost, & Teflon had no idea, then
a few 'oohs & ahhs' when they heard that Head Hunter was
all hot & sweaty.                (Shitty trail .... ).
Sergeant Mountie led with the 'only' thing worth mentioning
about 1966 - St Kilda beat Collingwood, followed by a 
rousing "Oh when the Saints" - what key were you in Bent?
2nd best thing was Nutcracker being born, but a gentle nudge
later on, said that she had missed Big Dog. She went on to 
shout the 'old man' Pusbucket a drink for Decimal Currency
on Feb 14, The Bill for Long Tan, & Nutcracker, a tan for a 
long time. 
Bitchface, Pusbucket & Dr Death were next for losing their
Driver's license. 
     (Shaffy led the chorus - "Wait a minute Mr Policeman").
1966 - start of the 'Twist', but no-one wants to see this lot 
doing Nude Twister - Silic, Shafted, Fascinator, Normal
& Fang.             (Do your tits hang low .... ).
Normal charged Pebbles for 'still trying to understand 
Decimal Currency', & Grant had a drink for the pussy, kid's 
"Frozen" esky bag.
Grant was out again when Teflon thought "he'll go well
with Spencer Hocking".
Mountie charged Bitchface for getting kicked off the bus,
& the next bus, for saying fuck 5 times.
Mrs D had Grant out again for his "Frozen" bag, though 
he's got no kids.             (She's a harriette .... ).
Fascinator charged Mrs D for putting all the clothes on 
Gumtree, then Shaffy to 'Red T seller' Normal, for giving 
Bitchface 'one' when he wanted to !!   (What a wank .... ).
Old Dr Death had a drink for being too tired to stand at the 
Circle, so as 1 Dr drinks ....... Shazza & Quickdick.
Dumber & NBCL Poiter were next for their 'cool' haircuts.
                       (Fuck off ya cunts .... ).
Fascinator had Exit out for the car breaking down right 
outside of a mechanic, but Mrs D reminded them that it
was at Dumber's.
Last charge was Pebbles to Silic for his Elvis T shirt with
the body to match.

Next week's Run - 1967 - Hare Half a Bar from Morrison's.

Nummy had been 'stoving over a hot slave', to prepare 3
most enjoyable casseroles & rice, followed by a yummy 
trifle. All the empty plates & bowls were being returned to
the sink, while Silic was still draining the last of the 
casserole cookers.

  

6 - 1 - '20                      Run 1965                  Yuille Cairn

DR Death was installed on the park bench, with beers for 
all, in the bucket of ice, as the 23 Hashers began to arrive 
for the Squizzy Run. Mrs Dickhead called the reverence, 
as stand-in GrandMaster Bentnose announced run 1965, 
& who did won that year's Melbourne Cup?
Squizzy told us that the run started out on Vickers, & sure 
enough, there was the sign ... OONN !!
A couple of bar flys held the fort, while the walkers did a 
rectangle of the streets & back thru' the wetlands. Most 
runners did the 6km bush run, but the "Yuille Cairn 6"
continued on, & weighed in half an hour later, after much
cooee-ing from the Drink-stoppers, at the top of the hill.
Said Drink-stop was well stocked with Aldi beer, bottled 
water & some out of date West Coast Coolers. A couple 
of bags of apples replaced the jellybabies & snakes, & the 
chips were on the ground, left over from the last visitor's 
fish & chip bag.
At the On After, Bentnose again canvassed the question 
of the Melbourne Cup winner - "Light Fingers".
Screw Shafted complained that the run set off too early, 
(but he's always late anyway), & the trail debacle with 
inadequate directions, even confused the Hash Horn. 
He finished off with a limerick,
                "There once was a Hasher called Squizzy,
                 Who appeared exceptionally busy,
                 His eyes looked both ways,
                 And if you were in his gaze,
                 You'd be beside yourself in a tizzy".
& a song, about Squizzy's "Punter's Eyes" - one each 
way.
                               (Shitty trail ... ),
Nummy had a drink & dance for the smoke haze being a
'welcome to country'.
Sergeant Mountie was wrapped up in a rug, not only for 
the cold wind moving in, but so as no-one could see the 
"pink", as her shorts fell down with no draw-string. She'd 
left her notes at home, but said that the run was scary 
enough thru' the bush, that the girls almost had to grab 
onto The Bill.
She dragged out the "Yuille Cairn 6" for a rescue drink - 
Nummy, Pebbles, Teflon, Shafted, Dimwit, & Dumber.
Gilf joined in, since it seemed that she didn't give a stuff 
that Teflon was lost.
Dumb(er) & Dumber & The Bill had the 1965 Vietnam 
War drink,          (... a soldier, ... to piss, ... for cunt ... ).
Bitchface had a drink for the "2 women being anchored 
to the pub" in 1965.          (She's a harriette .... ). 
Half a Bar gave Nummy another drink for "the best 
smoking ceremony" he'd seen, then Dumber charged 
Squizzy for asking on Monday "is the run on tonight?"
Dr Death reckoned that with Half a Bar not at the races, 
they won more money, then Mrs D followed up with her 
chant.
Precious charged Nummy for being so frightened on 
the run, that she turned white.
Dr Death had Squizzy out, for the out of date West Coast 
Coolers, asking "does anybody drink these anymore?", 
then Bentnose to Dr Death for never putting an effort 
into a run.                             (Nnnnooooo!!).
Dr Death had another for re-opening the Karova, 
& Mountie for no tie on her pants.              (U.g.l.y......).
The return of the Dimwit zinger - 
Cowboy said to the German Car Dealer ... Audi partner !! 
                                    (No no, bad bad .......).
Final charge to Squizzy - Shaffy saying that he would 
have been in charge of bombing in Vietnam, with the 
"collateral damage", & in charge of the labia removal 
with the "clittoral damage".

Next week's run - Dumb & Num, 103 Cuthbert's Rd.

Oh, I suppose we should light the BBQ, as the light 
begins to fade. Squizzy hadn't spared the expense, 
with a new job & table, especially for the occasion. 
Snags & steak were soon to broil alongside the onions, 
& joined with bread & salad, all ably prepared & BBQ'd 
with Big Dog presiding.