Jason Kelly

   

Hash Run #2013 – XMAS RUN

Hash Run #2013 – XMAS RUN

One of our annual highlights and I think we were looking forward to this year’s Xmas run more than previous years... and it didn’t disappoint!

We gathered at the 

Piano Bar Ballarat

 at 6:30pm only to find it closed . This caused a great deal of concern to most and brought back memories of a Christmas run past (Learmonth). Our worries were allayed as our GM welcomed us and said that it was all part of his cunning plan. Rowdy then handed around the much-anticipated song sheets and, in memory of our fallen Hashers, led us in Hash Hymn # 1  Swing Low 

The first leg of our run sent us across to the Titanic Bandstand where we had our first beer (out of the back of Donut’s ute) and a quick chat with Hashers we hadn’t seen all year. Tribute was paid to our GM with the first Carol of the evening,  Oh cum on me Donuts  (Oh come all ye faithful)

OnOn was then up to the choir steps at Alfred Deakin Place where renditions of SS’s  Silver Balls  and  Dimwit’s Wonderland  were belted out for the general public. (Silver Bells and Winter Wonderland).

The inclement weather did little to dampen out spirits, though it did quicken our pace as we headed to our next stop at Reptile Gulch. There we sang the perennial favourites  Little Dumber Boy  and Lois Lane’s  Awake with a stranger  (Away in a manger)

The constant rain prompted a detour to the Golden Point Cricket Club Bar, which provided shelter and access to alcohol. There we sang  Pebbles huge cock  (jingle bells rock), Campaspee’s  Give it a blow  (Let it snow), and Quick Dick and Head Hunter’s  Born in the king of anal hell  (The first Noel).

We also used this venue as an opportunity for charges, first up were the subjects of all the songs so far. (too many to list here)

Dr Death charged Quick Dick after the “anal hell” song, advising him to aim for “the second hole from the back of the neck”.

Fop was charged as after all his PhD work he is now just a bartender … “One Dr drinks, all Drs drink”

Mounite pointed out that on Gina’s apron were the words “Fuck the Nutcracker”

Quick Dick charged Plucka as “now we know that her pubes are ginger”

We set off in the rain to Bakery Hill for a quick rendition of “Beneath the Southern Cross” before stopping in for our annual visit to Boots at Skin Ski n Surf and the traditional Tommy Half a Bar play list ( Good King Wenceslas, Hark the herald angels sing, Deck the Halls )

A dash back to the Piano Bar to find it open with food, drinks and the fabulous Andy Pobjoy. Andy began by singing  the 12 days of Hashing . He then sang a tribute to Donuts and Fascinator with a magnificent version of  Oh Holy Night . Andy continued though the hash carol songbook and you could see the proud glint in Rowdy’s eyes as Andy was finally doing justice to all of his songs.

Good food, plenty of drink and lots of singing and dancing ensued. Without a doubt the most enjoyable Xmas run for aeons. After the year that was (or wasn’t) it was tremendous to be able to finally celebrate with our friends in this way. Heartfelt gratitude to our GM, Donuts, for organising the evening, Rowdy for his brilliant songs and Andy Pobjoy for has exceptional performance.

Next week’s run …. I honestly have no idea?? Whoever it is, please keep us posted

 

Matthew Gibney

Admin

  · 1tS8sponshomugremd  · 

Ballarat HHH Run #2012. 14/12/2020

Summer has arrived.

Hare: Dadadada dada dadada dadada Batwoman, with Pebbles, from Brown Hill.

A week of Welcomes Back: Squizzy appeared randomly from no where, no time, followed by Hymie, and jeSOS (complete with a Batman/Blues Brothers sliding entry ending in a perfectly parked car right next to an imposing gum tree) : - GILF, Rowena, Dimwit, Sillic and Half a Bar.

Everyone signed the book.

The run; what a run! Perfect weather, perfect spot, excellent trail, in white and blue, meaning none got lost. New bits and old favourites, enough elevation and shiggy to make it interesting, a wonderful cooling evening breeze through the pine plantation, let down by a drink stop that wasn’t…. at least for 10 minutes. We just knew Pebbles had to somehow fuck up perfection, but he is getting better.

Anyway, Choir Master Extraordinaire Head Hunter called reverence, and then welcomed back with “They’re the Meanest”.

Sniffy Runs have been problematical since Spence stopped Mensurating. DNC eventually nominated Nutcracker and Lois as palindromic (161, and 939, failing to mention their sum of 1100). Sillic is demonstrating the palindrome on a global timescale, having evolved as a blob from the primordial soup, only to be rapidly returning from whence he came. Rowdy was admonished for the charge, as the bartender at the Barfly’s pub had just looked Sillic in the eye and called “correct weight”. No, no, no, Bad, bad, bad, Down, down, down

Only one of us can be right.

Bent Nose: “I would like to comment on this run but I can’t”. He didn’t do the bloody thing. “Trail…hills…tunnel…beer…not cold…pretty much that’s it.

277 kelvin”

And that’s probably the only screwing to be done tonight by Bent.

SHITTY TRAIL.

Sargeant Quick Dick then took control. Just Cum was given a drink for her attempts at spam. Her birthday is also imminent as Snag’s is eminent - 16/12/2020. And as we all know, that is a Pythagorean date, with a Pythagorean party to celebrate, dress code toga (Greek), Indian squaw, or hippopotamus. Or nothing.

JeSOS was charged for the absence of nipple jewelry. Mrs D wondered if it was due to breast feeding. “Who wants some milk?” was the reply. “Do your tits hang low?”

D&D was charged for not having a pee for the whole run, Campaspee blushed. Spartacus was charged for producing a Hash Relic (Caligula Jacket) so late that the Sargeant was never aware it existed. Hash folklore insists that Ar Sole pinched it from the man in the Caligula club on Interhash in South East Asia a lifetime ago, and it has been venerated ever since by every Sargeant of Ballarat HHH.

Bent Nose (past jacket wearing Sargeant), was charged with turning off the power in his shed for the weekend to prevent his bikes being stolen. Unfortunately, it failed to prevent his freezer from defrosting. Ya Stupid

Charges from the run: Hymie for being ‘out the front’. Mountie and Squizzy for falling and bleeding, Teflon nominated ”Cunt of the Week” for his on back behaviour, Criss Cross for being a gentle man, and Rowdy and Dimwit for daring to walk on the Run.

Next Week’s Run is the Christmas Carols Run, from the Pobjoy Piano Bar in Sturt St (ex Suttons House of Music). Fewer Pubs and more rotundas this year, with party party party back at the Piano Bar. Dress us as Santa’s Little Helpers, or whatever, and bring your best singing voices.

The following week we travel to Invermay to GILF’s house where Teflon has agreed to set the run.

Welcome Back Dimwit:

“Why do elephants have four feet?”

“Because they’d look silly with just six inches”

And that’s all, folks

 

Matthew Gibney

Admin

  · 10 h  · 

Ballarat HHH Run #2011, Fuck CoVid its all over, Monday nights are BACK !

Hare: Nutcracker, from the Freight Bar.

Theme: Pink, and Wilbur.

A good representation attended in pink for the first post CoVid city run, from the Freight Bar, with honourable guest, also inaugural GM Ed Davis (aka Wilbur) in esteem and in attendance.

The only other attendee who was at the First Ballarat HHH run was Morton, also known as Bent Nose, who the Godfather failed to acknowledge, even with reminders, and nudges, and clues, and evidence.

Who said there wasn’t a god?

The theme for the night was pink. All abided. The purpose of the night was to raise money for McGrath Foundation nurses, and sadly the purpose was placed into stark relief with the mourning of fellow Hasher Sorry, who passed away during the week after a struggle with breast cancer. GM Donuts led a moment’s silence before the run, which was matched with a down down at the circle. ON ON Sorry, and sympathies to your sons, and Hashing family (Flo Jo, Jack, and Warwick).

She tried to go to heaven but she went the other way.

--------------------------------------------------------------

The run was set through the fabulous East, in paint that nearly survived the day’s rain storms, but the trio of hares were close enough to the pack to lead them in the right direction. An anticlockwise loop towards the Yarrowee River, under Black Hill, past the Love Shack and to the well stocked and cold drink stop at the Eastern Oval sums it up.

Back at the Freight Bar Head Hunter called circle (loudly). Sniffy runs were few on the ground; Spence appeared to have the week off from his mensuraton*.

HOWEVER, Bad Hair Day was awarded a special key ring (but nothing else) for his 1100 Runs last week. Wilbur was awarded the same accolade for his First ever run 2011 Monday’s ago. Bent Nose was snubbed**.

The Screw failed to do the run run run. He walked the walk; it went North under the Bridge, East over the Creek, North again up the Hill, then Away from the East – Over the Bridge slowly : “Listen, Mate” (from Wilbur, before we lost interest), bypassed the traditional Seymour St Love Shack, also the North Star (or whatever it is called now ….. actually the North Star) and down through the Station car park to the drink stop.

Score: tree

S H I T T Y T R A I L

Sergeant Quick Dick kept up his excellent run of form of late. Masturbait was first charged for running without his glasses. The Bill for confusing his left and right***

“Ya Stupid”

Shafted was charged “before the run“ for being there “before the run” “He’s the Meanest”

QD then regressed to last week: “Me and Criss Cross” was met with general disdain, calls of ‘Brown Back’ mountain, and the tune of “What a Wank”.

Charges from Much Before the Run: Bent suggested that in 1983 Ballarat Hash was originally designed to be “Down Down free” by the inaugural GM. “Conjecture” was mentioned. “Fake News” was thought, but the seed has been planted.

“Bullshit” was sung.

Back to the present. Spencer was noted to enjoy the sherry from the drink stop. No comment from the scribe, but Half a Bar was charged for being the only one to not have Sherry tonight.

The Lady Hairlesses charged each other for a protracted Bunnings shopping spree, to choose chalk and paint for run setting, only to come out chalkless. DNC remains very well named.

No Dimwit; no jokes.

Next week’s run is from Brown Hill, in the Cricket Club/ Rotunda vicinity. Fascinator is away, so the lack in BBQ will be an SEP****

* the part of geometry concerned with ascertaining lengths, areas, volumes and significant runs.

** I suspect Bent Nose (aka Morton) has contributed more to Ballarat Hash than most.

*** The Bill, of course was trained in telling left from right, and wrong from right many years ago, prior to the lessons being recently unlearned.

**** Somebody Else’s Problem

 

Jason Kelly

Sovereign H3 - Members Only

utSponSssored2h  · 

Run # 2010; COVID run # 34; Nov 30th 2020. Rowdy from Codes Forrest Rd.

34 Hashers (including 14 runners and 15 walkers) set off at precisely 6:30pm on a glorious late Spring evening for a loop trail around the crests of the Nerrina State Park. Trail had some challenges with plenty of hills, shiggy (there was a puddle that looked like a map of Australia) and lost trail, but the tranquil bushland and vista overlooking Ballarat’s West made the trek an enjoyable one. The runners and walkers followed roughly the same trail and we were well rewarded with a cold beer at the end (thanks for the O’Brien’s Rowdy, it was greatly appreciated by this scribe ).

Back at the circle our RA, Fascinator, announce his post-COVID return by dressing as a Gregorian Monk and leading us in some comedic prayers and responses (check out FaceBook for the video)

Donut’s then welcomed everyone and announced SniffyCunt runs: Mrs D 646; Pauline 292 (both palindromic and the digit sum equal to the square root of 169); Her Vag 169 and Bad Hair Day 1100.  Give us an Aye

Bent’s screw was short and sharp “It started well downhill, then the run went downhill because of all the uphill!” Bent then spoke of the PTSD he was suffering from the last run there and that the confusing trail meant that a “better man than I got lost!”… “Overall, though, a very pleasant with a total score of 298m; the vertical elevation of the starting point of the run” (isn’t “vertical elevation” a tautology??). Some suggested that the score should have been the overall vertical displacement, which is zero.

 Shitty Trail

Sergeant Quick Dick then commenced charges:

Cris Cros – taking Quick Dick on an Odyssey though the forrest (they were the 2 late comers)

Fop – leaving the money tin out whilst on the run

Mountie – insisting the run starts at 6:30pm (despite the evidence on Normal’s shirt that says 6:45pm start)

 Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy

Spencer charged Nut Cracker – "it looks like she’s headbutted a tree and ended up with a streak of Ash in her hair". This was rebounded to Spencer who’s whole head looks like it’s speckled with ash.

Lois charged Bent Nose who talking to himself on the run; it was forgivable until he started to correct his own grammar

 Give us an Aye

Mountie charged Susie Q for stealing Normal’s “Year of the Bra” T shirt.

Bent charged both NBCL and Bad Hair Day for their reverse haircuts.

 There’s a game called 20 toes

Quick Dick (still traumatised at the thought of dying alone on trail whilst wearing an Essendon shirt) charged Cris Cros because he “finds trail and fucks off without calling OnOn”. So Cris didn’t drink alone QD also charged Shafted for “Only blowing the horn at the end of the run”

Nummy then charged Plucka for wearing fishnet stockings on the run

 This is your down down song.

“Brevity is the soul of wit,” is obviously a phrase unfamiliar to Normal, who told a longwinded “Little Johnny” joke that barely mustered a murmur from the crowd ("who’s the comedian with the black balls – Bill Cosby"). Whilst brevity may be the soul of wit it isn’t the absolute, as demonstrated by Fascinator who followed up with the very brief but equally poorly received joke, “give me 9 inches and make me bleed”..... The crowd was united in their utterances of “Bring back Dim Wit”

We then disbanded for a fabulous feed for BBQ chicken and salad whilst we watch the full moon rise in the North Eastern sky. For those who are interested this moon was actually a “Blue Moon” (second full moon of the month) with a Penumbral Lunar Eclipse visible from the USA. This late November moon is also referred to as the “Full Beaver Moon” by native Americans, which I think is nice.

Next week’s run: NutCracker from the Freight Bar – Please wear pink and be there by 6:15pm to order meals (Whatever happened to the 6:45pm start??)