Sharon Olsen

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RUN #2049, 23 AUGUST 2021

COVID RUN #38 - ZOOM HASH CIRCLE #41 – SELF-SET TRAIL #3

Due to Victoria’s covid lockdown #7 (or is it #6.2?), we have again reverted to our covid safe settings with a weekend trail and Monday night zoom hash circle. Trail was set from the Ballarat East Bowls Club by Mountie on behalf of Rear Entry, for those that lived nearby. From the book (thanks Juz Cum) 27 Ballarat Hashers walked/ran this trail, or their own trail within their current 5km exercise limit.

23 Hashers then gathered for the zoom hash circle Monday night. We began by thanking our zoom correspondent from Queensland, Spencer Hocking for missing out on joining the local Queensland hash and choosing to set up and join our hash zoom instead. Next, we congratulated Nutcracker for becoming a grandmother. She was then called Granny Cracker and GILF#2 throughout the evening.

Mountie then tried to tell a joke about Rear Entry but her zoom kept breaking up and most of us missed the punchline so it didn’t get many laughs. Mountie then went on to Shag the run and gave the following scores, Venue 20, Terrain 20, Marking 20, Drink Stop -10, Groovy Factor 5, giving a total of 55 out of 100.  Shitty Trail 

Rowdy then charged BF#2 and BF#4 for failing to sing. Spencer Hocking was announced as stand in Sergeant which was followed by a call for “no maths” which was somewhat ignored by Spence who went on to say that Nutcracker became a grandmother on 21 – 8 – 21 which is of course a palindrome. We were then told that 21 and 8 form the digit sum of 11 and then there was something about legs 11 to which Nuts told us that her granddaughter does have long legs. All platinum blond grandparents were then charged.  Give us an A  Teflon was then charged for his first day of retirement, where he told us that he had been busy mowing the lawn and taking a nap.  Get a Life 

Head Hunter then told us all about her recent surgery. She had been diagnosed with a tumour on her heart valve back in June following some health issues and recently underwent open heart surgery in Melbourne to remove the benign tumour. The surgery went well, and she is now recovering at home. She was grateful that the set trail was within her 5km allowing her to do 10 minutes of the trail (this is all that she can currently manage). She also mentioned that the tumour was probably the cause of her stroke aver 20 years ago, so it was good to now have a cause for that, especially as it has now been removed. We wish her well and hope her recovery continues to go well.

Rowdy then charged Bent Nose for ignoring Stubby when he was out riding his bike.  He’s the meanest  This was followed by a joke from Dumb, but he stuffed it up using the wrong name for the punchline “Come on Eileen” making it even funnier. SS was then charged for only being able to play 17 holes of golf before the 1pm lockdown last Saturday.

Mrs D then charged Campaspe with a challenge to use an adjective and an adverb of the same word, as was done in last weeks scribe that was written by her Precious. But you know what, I do it my way and that’s how it is. Each to their own. We were then told to take note of the Galah posted on FaceBook. Pauline then charged BP for being predictable and calling Lois within 5 min of our most recent lockdown being announced. We then moved on to a joke from Dim Wit about a frog DNA test that showed French, German and a tad-pole.

Next Week’s Run – Monday 30 August 2021, Hare: Rowdy – Location: Lakeview Hotel or Self Set Trail #4

We then finished up with what was pre-empted as an inappropriate joke from BF#2, but is anything at Hash really inappropriate? The joke asked why are the Paralympics like a hand job….with both you appreciate the effort but you could do better yourself. Spencer then added his joke, why did Rear Entry cross the road…..he had his dick in a chicken.

Pauline than offered to cook a Hangi once we are out of lockdown. He was adamant that he would not do it from his home and asked if Fascinators backyard renovations would allow for the pit to be dug there? At this point zoom timed out so we will have to wait and see where and when this will take place.

 

Bevan Kelly

t1nS7ptssons AdusoogeSurehsllft at m0h0i:3d9siu  · 

Run 2048 began from the dear (used in both an adjective and adverbal sense) North Britain. Mother nature seemed determined to undermine the exceptional marking provided by Tidy Trailing. The Son of Spider spent no time returning to his usual bombastic self. But the main event of the evening went to Hash’s latest centenarian, Big Dog. Following the run of rained out trail that (on the word of SOS) was exceptionally set to begin with, the Big Dog was award with a congratulatory shirt, draped in an inflatable 100 and given the traditional tankard. This was very nice for a man who doesn’t look a day over 99. He is, indeed, the meanest.

The Big Dog kicked off our sniffy cunt runs with his first century. Despite a large number the intended sniffy cunt runners being absent, there was still a number that attended. Mountie was called forward to celebrate her 1300th run again, since she is still mad about not receiving anything. Dazed and Confused (written by Jimmy Page, inspired by Jake Holmes) was also charged for her Fibonacci 248. SS was then called out the front for his Invasion Day run number. And in typical coloniser fashion, the history was revised, with SS’s 1778 (?) runs. Num Num was also bought out the front to represent the Indigenous perspective in amidst all the invasion talk. In honour of Mountie’s 1300th run, a rousing rendition of God Save the Queen (written by John Lyndon, Glen Matlock, Steve Jones and Paul Cook) followed.

Ms 1300 then took centre stage to shag the run. Rear Entry was the lucky man chosen this week to hold Mountie’s MOOT. Before shagging the run, Moutie regaled us all with the tale of SOS, Lil Evil and Hymen going to snow. Due to a slight misunderstanding, all three had to share the same bed. Upon waking, both Hymen and Lil Evil detailed their dreams, in which they had both dreamt of exceptional hand jobs from attractive women. SOS remained the outlier though, instead dreaming of skiing. His venue received a respectable 15, as did his terrain. This was the makings of a good score. Then he received a -15 for his trail. Things did not get much better with the drink stop. With no appearance from a young Hugo, SOS received a 0. He rounded the MOOT out with a 20 for his groovy factor, leading to a score of 35. Not just shitty, but soggy, trail.

Before the run, Bad Head Job was charged by Dr Rowdy for Sharing the Line, a charge that runs back approximately 40 years before the run. DnC called Nutcracker and the Nut Bush Clitty Licker (written by Tina Turner) to the front. Apparently DnC has been unable to contact Nutcracker on the weekends due to the hot sex that the pair are having. Apparently, the sex has become so hot that DnC received a call from the Fire Brigade warning her of the extreme heat it was radiating. Normal also called the Master Baiter out the front. Now, Normal may be a brick layer and not a mathematician, but even he had questions when Bait mentioned that he had been riding in a group of seven. When asked how they social distanced, Bait informed Normal that they split into two groups of three. I hear tell that there is a game called 20 toes. Hash’s own Jerome P. Jacobson, Big Dog, was again called out the front for fixing the Hash books. At this time, Criss Cross called on Dr Death, Plucka Duck and Pebbles. After seeing a television episode on a Dr Death, he charged the many Hashers famous for their well-known television roles. Rear Entry was brought out the front for having the pure audacity to ask whether Road Runner whether he was running. Rumour has it he will next be asking whether the sky is green. Rear Entry then decided to grace us with more comedic genius by implying that Normal had friends. Nurse Batshit (written by Ken Kesey, adapted by Lawrence Hauben and Bo Goldman) was called out as the circle was regaled by tales of her and Dr Death receiving members tickets to the Darwin Cup from Pimp. This endeavour led to them finally seeing a horse that won a race. No no no, bad bad bad, down down down.

The sergeant also called out Nummy yet again, this time for providing the good Dr of Death his second dose of the vaccine and providing him with the pretty badge to accompany it. SOS was also bought out the front, asked to answer for his blatant discrimination. In a rookie move, the former back-to-back grandmaster had forgotten to provide a drink stop for the bar flies. Rumour has it that the wiggle of her ass could make a blind man cum. Bait was once again bought out the front, at which point Normal politely informed us all that Bait was his ride home. If anyone cared, please feel free to let Normal know, that would be greatly appreciated. Bait was subsequently charged for enlightening us about a girl he used to know, that he affectionately nicknamed Smelly Box. At this point the Hash Aristotle, Puss Bucket, charged Lil Evil and Dr Death for their immaculate cosplay as Davy Crockett and Daniel Boone, before informing them that both Crockett and Boone subsequently died. He was born on a mountain in Tennessee. To round out the night of charges, Mr 100, Scomo himself, was told to remain far away from the fire pit, as he notoriously does not hold a hose. To close proceedings, the return of a Hash icon, the giant glass penis. Watch out for the balls, they’ll get ya. Just like Scomo needs to get a life.

In closing, if you thought that SOS’s 35 on the MOOT was bad, then fear not. Next week’s run is Rear Entry from the bowls club behind the Eastern Oval

 

Sharon Olsen

Admin

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RUN #2047, 9 AUGUST 2021

COVID RUN #37 - ZOOM HASH CIRCLE #40 – SELF-SET TRAIL #2

Due to Victoria’s covid lockdown #6, we have reverted to our covid safe settings with a weekend trail and Monday night zoom hash circle (again). By my count, 22 Ballarat Hashers walked/ran their own trail within their current 5km exercise limit and posted it to Facebook.

21 Hashers then gathered for the zoom hash circle Monday night. The GMs zoomed in together with gilded pussies in view and Bitch Face zoomed in and showed us her lovely view from her new place in Tassie. We also welcomed back our zoom correspondent from Queensland, Spencer Hocking.

Fang was berated for recording his lap of the lake as 5.5km. Rowdy firmly stated that this was wrong. Mountie also agreed that Fang’s distance was not accurate, and she claimed it should be 5.92km, there was then general discussion about how far it really is to do a lap of the lake and the difference in distance between the footpath and the road.

Precious was charged for his run being cancelled due to covid for the second time, when all we want is donuts, bring back the double donuts days!   Give us an A 

Mountie joined late and while there was no screwing of the self-set trails, Mrs Dickhead requested she be allowed to screw Lois Lane for what was touted as a great idea for what she estimated to be a 7km walk but actually ended up being 14kms. There was also mention of Pauline/BF#3, who lagged behind Lois and Mrs D, but was not allowed to go for a bike ride on his own as he was asked to join the ladies on the walk yet did not really walk with them, but followed several metres behind them.

Spencer Hocking was announced as stand in Sergeant. Bent made comment of his confusion while completing the census forms where he was unsure how to answer the question about needing help when communicating at home. Mrs D then told us that she had been doing union training by zoom and when she first logged in, she forgot to update her name and she appeared as Mrs Dickhead. This was noticed by a past student who thought this was hilarious. This spurned several more stories about zoom bloopers including inappropriate backgrounds which featured Rowdy’s arse. Mountie added that her use of the photo of Lois and Rowdy’s bums got her banned from Facebook. They ought to be

Mountie then shared that she went to Movie Club at the City Oval Hotel last week and they remembered that she had been there on Monday night with Hash and gave her some PJs that had been left behind. These belonged to D&C, so Mountie delivered them to her place, but she wasn’t home so left them hanging from her doorknob and they were stolen. Precious was then charged for knocking Dr Death off his record for rescheduled hash trails. Fang was also charged for shortcutting his walk around the lake (how is this possible).

Bent Nose then explained his congratulation to Spencer Hocking from a couple of weeks ago that was cut off when our zoom ended. He was congratulating Spence for not talking numbers, square roots or digit sums. This does not hold for this meeting as Spencer Hocking then went on to talk lots of numbers and sniffy runs which included Teflon on 248, Nutcracker on 193, Head Hunter on 169, Juz Cum on 167, Spence on 1268, Rowdy on 1283, Campaspe on 88, Mrs D on 680 and Num Num who was on 683 which is the digit sum of 17 which is the number of gold medal that Australia received this year in the Olympics. There were a few others that I didn’t catch as this went on for quite a bit and I am happy to be corrected if any of this is inaccurately reported as my notes were difficult to decipher. This finally finished up with a comment that Spence had gone troppo and should return south sometime soon.

We were then reminded that there are only 7 weeks until daylight savings. Mountie went on to charge Dumb for not being able to meet her at Vic Park because he had a horse running, however, the horse is still running. Mountie then charged Bitchy as she was supposed to go to Tassie, but all flights to Launceston were cancelled but for some reason, there are still flights to Hobart???

Next Week’s Run – Monday 16 August 2021, Hare: SOS – Location: TBA

 

Sharon Olsen

Admin

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RUN #2046, 2 AUGUST 2021 – HARE: D&C

LOCATION – CITY OVAL HOTEL

Sovereign Hashers gathered at the City Oval Hotel for run 2046 and left in small groups to run or walk the hash trail. An announcement was made that the drink stop was limited to 10 Hashers at a time (Covid restrictions) and the drink stop was packed up before some of us even arrived. Down-Downs and dinner were back at the City Oval Hotel, where we had a double celebrations for SS’s 80th Birthday and Penny Farthings 700 runs. There were balloons aplenty, special shirts awarded and a donuts cake for desert.

Welcomes back went to one of the Hash’s founding fathers, Wilber. Charges were also made to SS and to Penny Farthing, for their milestone events.  Get a Life  Further welcomes back then went to Fog Lights.  Do your tits hang low 

Mountie then shagged the run and gave the following scores, Venue 15 (CO – City Oval and Committee Organized), Terrain 5 (no hills), Marking 2 (Precious only saw 2 of the many arrows), Drink Stop 2 (packed up before all arrived), Groovy Factor 20, giving a total of 44 out of 100.  Shitty Trail 

Sniffy runs were forgotten during the Hash Circle, but runs of note were: Penny Farthing 700, Big Dog 99, Mountie 1313, Pauline 313, D&C 246 and Teflon 248.

Our Sergeant (Shafted) then stepped up to talk about our 2 celebratory events of the evening. There were comments about more men falling off penny farthings than any other bike and how hard it is to get on a penny farthing. Shafted then found a song about SS in Heavy’s song book that was to the tune of Danny Boy. Give us an A  A down-down was then also awarded to Vibes, who was SS’s chaperone for the evening.  20 Toes 

Charges from before the run went to the joint GMs who were just like the high jumpers at the Olympics who shared their joint gold medal. Road Runner was also charged for having 5 rings like the Olympics.  They Ought to be  All current and past teachers were then charged as a teacher caused a delay to Fascinators Covid vaccination.  You’re Stupid

There was then something about D&C not being able to mark trail near the fire station and a charge for The Bill who asked if the balloons around Penny Farthings neck were for her birthday, but she is not 700 (the balloons were “700”).  You’re Stupid 

Following the Olympic theme, Pebbles was charged after Nummy couldn’t help but notice which track athlete was going to the left or the right and which nations were more well-endowed than others. Mrs Murphy 

Lois Lane, Pauline, Bent Nose, BP and Campaspe were charged for sitting during the Hash Circle (but I claim we were following Covid rules).  Build A Bonfire 

Charges from the run went to Road runner, who was charged as the best chaser and Bent Nose was charged for driving to the venue when he lives so close.  Finnish Drinking Song  Nummy was charged for getting lost on trail and not making it to the drink stop before it was packed up and Shafted charged D&C for telling him that Hash was at the Mid City, trying to make him go to the wrong venue. The Bill was then charged for almost falling over and doing a windmill impersonation. Further charges went to Wilber for something about single men.  Soldier Song 

Next Week’s Run – Monday 9 August 2021, Hare: Precious – Location: Market Hotel