RUN 2279 – Fascinator – Stag Hotel Learmonth – Halloween theme – Monday 27th October 2025

This week we were introduced to TOT’s. What’s a TOT? Fitting in with this weeks theme, a TOT was a trick or treat, and there were 2 TOTs on trail, although not everyone found their way to both of them. At a TOT, we were presented with mystery shots from trick or treat labelled bottles, adding to the fun on trail. I’d also like to thank those that made an effort to dress to the Halloween theme.
Welcomes backs were awarded to Shafted, Boner, Fascinator, Donuts and Deep Heat. I also think that Rowdy should have been called up, but he was not on the list. There were no sniffy run numbers, so those that do not record numbers were awarded a down down, this included Spartacus and Deep Heat. This caused some discussion about whether numbers should be recorded for bar flies. I don’t think we came to any resolution about this. In an addendum, Mastabait was charged for 1669 runs and Jus Cum for 282 runs.
Rowdy was this weeks surprise screw. Rowdy compared Fascinators run to Half-a-bar’s runs. Same same, but different (yes, the run went up the really big hill again). There was pink chalk to annoy Rowdy and not too much of it to show where to go. The freezing temperature was noted, making Learmonth’s lakeside rotunda the coldest place in the region to have a drink stop. The Great Northerns supplied at the drink stop were made up for by a few bottles of wine to share. Birthday charges were given to Fascinator and also to Rowdy, for his missed birthday on the 4th Oct. This led to a rebound charge to Precious for missing this occasion.
Sergeant NBCL entertained us with a story about Deep Heat’s uncle who had lost both his legs. He was given a job as a security guard at a factory, but one day there was a fire. NBCL lost the plot at this point but was able to eventually regain his composure to deliver the punchline. The factory was saved, but the uncle burnt to the ground. The next story was about Bent Nose’s wife, who had bought a new dress. While trying it on, she asked if it was too low at the front. He asked her if she had a hairy chest, and she replied, no. Bent then told her that it was definitely too low. Rowdy was charged again for forgetting to tell D&C when his birthday was, when she gives him a ride to hash every week. Dumb was charged for trying to get fit. He’d gone to the gym and asked if he could be taught to do the splits. The instructor responded, well it depends how flexible you are. Dumb answered, that he could come on Tuesdays and Fridays. The Nuts were charged for being amorous and doing it doggy style. A car horn beeped and NBCL ran under the house (visual gag, NBCL had a fake head injury for his Halloween costume). Deep Heat told us a Billy Connolly joke, that went something like this. While walking to buy a newspaper, he saw a board for a talent quest. Lined up to enter the talent quest was a boy, Simon and his uncle in a chair who had no legs. The uncle was a famous glassier, who while putting in a big window, was injured when a gust of wind caused the pane of glass to slip and cut off his legs. When asked what their act was for the talent quest, he answered, “we sing, we’re Simon and half uncle”. Lois was charged for missing the second TOT on the walk, which led to a charge for Bent Nose for being pedantic. Fascinator was charged for f@#king up and giving the walk instructions to Bent Nose. Dumb was charged for having a big bone, when Num’s not here and Jus Cum was charged for complaining that she doesn’t like the roll back song, she was also charged for her costume, not hideous at all, she was looking better than ever. Donuts charged Fascinator for his Halloween fingers and teeth lollies, and Half-A-bar was charged for adding his keys to the table. Half-a-bar took 3 down downs, keeping in mind that we had the tiniest down down tankards I’ve ever seen, almost thimble sized. We still had so many down downs left, so we had an everyone charge almost finish them off. Precious, and NBCL were given the last charges. Precious tipped his beer down his mask as there was no way for him to drink with it on.
Next weeks run will be our Melbourne Cup event. There will be fashions on the field and horse races. It will be hosted from the Golden Point cricket club rooms.
An announcement was made for someone to take on the following run on the 10th Nov, as Donuts can’t do it, and he will now be doing his run on the 17th November. PS, I now see that Lois and Pauline have kindly offered to do the run on the 10th Nov, but this means we have another gap. Can someone to step in and set a run on the 8th Dec?
On On

RUN 2278 – SOS – 441 Doveton St Nth, Soldiers Hill – Monday 20th October 2025

At the house of SOS, we welcomed back, No-name, Dim Wit, Nair, Her Vaj, Fop, Billy and SOS. This was followed by our Sniffy runs, that were awarded to Campaspe on 272 Immaculate Conception on 191, Cinderella on 100, Wee problem for her 100 runs a few weeks ago, and Dumb & Dumber because we missed his 1450 run. Cinderella and Wee Problem were awarded 100 Run T-shirts and pewter mugs, but Wee Problems shirt was printed several years ago in anticipation of this event, with the design dating back to Pus Buckets reign.
Nutcracker was our surprise screw this week. She claimed to have never screwed before and was lost for words. Our hare SOS was also absent as he was busy in the kitchen. SOS arrived in time for us to regale him with “Shitty Trail”.
Sergeant NBCL entertained us with a story about Dim Wit, who was having a tumultuous period of time at home, after finding his wife in bed with another man. He grabbed his gun and led the man to his back shed. He didn’t shoot him, but told him to put his dick in the vice and tighten it. He was afraid that Dim Wit was going to ask him to cut it off, but no, instead he was told that he was burning the shed down. NBCL, aka Nut Bush City Clicker, was asked by Dim Wit to name his 3 favourite kings. As predicted, his answers were Smoking, drinking and fucking. The penis glass was filled and presented to SOS. After stroking it, he downed it in one foul swoop. Since this was the first attendance for SOS with Precious as our GM, he was also presented with his committee T-shirt, as our Religious Advisor for this year. Bent Nose and Half-a-bar were charged, as our representative Jews. We then had a story about Jus Cum. Spartacus had grabbed her ass and said if you firm that up, you’ll get some action. Next, he grabbed her tits and commented that if she firmed them up, she could get some action. In response Jus Cum grabbed his goolies and told Spartacus that if he could firm that up, she could get rid of the gardener, postman and pool boy. Spencer Hocking was charged for sending his wife to the Louvre to case the joint. Billy (still learning) was charged for sitting in circle, even though his excuse was that he had to stand up all day at work. After 4 Down downs, he scored a few more, for his T-shirt tribute to kiss and again for his lack of hash gear. I hope he wasn’t driving home. Jus Cum was charged for asking for the door to be closed as she was getting cold, when Pauline was blacking the cold breeze anyway. Billy was charged, again, for still not drinking his down down at the right time and this left one last drink. Her Vaj said it was bad planning to have one drink left, so she was the one left to drink alone.
Next weeks run will hosted by Fascinator from The Stag Hotel in Learmonth, with a Halloween theme.
On On

RUN 2277 – Mrs Dickhead and Immaculate Conception – Scout Hall, Recreation Rd Mount Clear – Monday 13th October 2025

As usual, we began with welcomes back that went to Doodlenuts and to D&C. However, D&C said she was here last week so that’s a no to the welcome back. Sniffy runs were awarded to D&C on 404, NBCL on 262 and Cinderella on 99.
Our illustrious GM began by noting all the missing committee members. With neither of our 2 grog masters, he called for Disco to fill in. With no screw, and our usual fill in screw being the hare, the backup fill in Shafted was also absent, so he called for People Pleaser to fill in. After being thrown under the bus for this one, we were told that there was a run, there was a brief pause and we began singing shitty trail. End of screw. On a positive note, we were told this meant that we get to the food quicker.
Sergeant NBCL told us a story of Cris Cross the teacher. A student kept putting their hand in his beard, when asked to stop, we were told that the school had run out of toilet paper. Next, we heard a story about Carpet burns doing a tour of her mental health clinic. My notes here were a bit rough, but there was something about a guy pretending to drive past in a fancy car, thinking he’s got a Ferrari, but please don’t correct him, as she is being paid an extra $20 to clean it. We then talked about the changing rules where the young ones are being booted off social media. But don’t worry, if you don’t see the Facebook post you can just ask renob, he’ll tell you where next weeks run is.
After Immaculate Conceptions massive burp, he was given a hashy birthday charge. Mrs Dickhead’s birthday will be next Monday, but since she’s not going to be here, she also scored a hashy birthday charge. Dumb was charged for talking about medication and Bent Nose was charged for being a pedantic prick, correcting the terminology to during the run, not from the run. Dumb was charged again for shortcutting the walk. This rebound to IC, who also short cut his own walk. Bad hair day was charged for the nearby Jim’s mowing truck, he was given the best trim charge. People pleaser was charged for not knowing how to do a hash screw. IC was then caught mixing up Bad Hair Day and Bent nose, his excuse was that they are both old c@%ts. We were given an update on Jill, after her accident. She is out of intensive care and seems to be doing better, which is really good news. Normal is not going to be here for a few weeks, while she is in hospital in Melbourne. The final charge went to all the Collingwood supporters, Campaspe, Cris Cross, Pebbles, Carpet Burns and Nutcracker.
Miti weekend announcement: Please let Nutcracker know if you are coming, if she doesn’t already know. The theme this year is “Resurrection”, come as your favourite dead person. Miti weekend will be the last weekend in November, starting Friday 28th Nov to Sunday 30th Nov.
Next weeks run will hosted by SOS from his place at 441 Doveton St Nth, Soldiers Hill.
On On

RUN 2276 – Daylight Savings Run - Rowdy – Five Ways – Monday 6th October 2025

This weeks circle at Five Ways began with a request to explain, how do you do it five ways? Welcomes backs were awarded to Pebbles, Bad Hair Day and Donuts. While sniffy runs went to Pauline on 444, Head Hunter on 282 and Precious on 353.
Our stand in screw this week was Shafted. He began by telling us that he had arrived slightly late in his ute, as he was asked to bring the trestle tables for our gathering and some illumination for the event. Rowdy, still not driving, also needed Kathy to help him come out to the bush to set the run. Shafted continued rambling on about Anglesea, which was adjacent to side sea. Rowdy set a traditional bush run, although Shafted missed some of the run, he said it was a f@#king beautiful run and that he had taken a shafted shortcut and swam across the lake to find trail. The walk was similarly set in the bush, and we all know Mountie loves a bush run, what a shame that she’s not here.
NBCL began by calling on the birthday boy (Dumb & Dumber) to step forward. NBCL told us about his time travelling with Dumb. They had shared a room together when travelling overseas and during a visit to the night market, they purchased a brush with big bristles to help solve their clogged toilet issues. When asked what he thought of the new brush, Dumb responded with “it’s ok, but I think I’ll go back to using paper”. Next, we had a story featuring Half-a-Bar and Cris Cross. They are both known to enjoy the great outdoors and happened upon a sheep stuck in a fence. Half-a-bar parked the car and said he knew what to do. After he pulled his pants up, he asked Cris Cross if he wanted a go? He responded with Nah, I can’t get my head in there.
Lois Lane scored the first charge for a recent message from her daughter Jaimee who had been clipping her daughter Grace’s nails. Grace wanted to know if they had nail clippers in the old days. When she didn’t know the answer, Grace told her to ask her Mum. Lois was charged again for offering fire starters to help start the fire, but these were still no use as no one at that point had matches or lighter. It was noted that there were many hashers in the over 60 age group. Teflon resembled that remark and People Pleaser was charged for now looking as old as the rest. Jus Cum was charged for being worried that Campaspe and Pink Bits had fallen behind on the run. Mrs D stopped to phone them, to check in, but Jus Cum took off ahead, obviously not too worried. It was noted that this is a running club and a drinking club, which leads to a full bladders club, and that sometimes bladders need to be relieved. Lois and Pauline were charged for their new house called “Merino” and despite downsizing pre move, they still have too much stuff. They bought along two lovely camp chairs, anyone want a chair? A call was made to make them an offer. Half-a-bar was called out for his lack of eloquence, his response was “bull f@#kin shit”. Pebbles also told us that he grew up in a town called Merino. I might mention that I live in Merino Drive and Half-a-bar is all about merino’s. Merino’s everywhere! Shafted was called out, as he should recognise Pebbles. Teflon scored a rebound charge and Pebbles was charged because every man here has gotten wood. Jus Cum and Wee Problem were charged for fiddling with the fire and Half-a-bar was charged and told to stop strobing. Cinderella was charged for bringing wood that was too small, then wood that was too big. We needed goldilocks wood, that was just right. The Bill was mentioned because others parked cars in his spot and the other Bill, Billy was charged in absence, as he asked for the location, but didn’t show up. Dumb was charged as we remembered when he bellied out his car here. Wee Problem was charged again for her obsession with fire. This led to talk of burning bush and how Rear Entry comes from behind. Wee Problem and her fiery bush was followed by a red head charge for Disco, Cinderella and Rowdy. Half-a-bar was charged for something to do with being a Melbourne supporter, and at this point someone spotted that Shafted was sitting in the circle. We were told that there were only 2 charges left, but Head Hunter was thirsty, so she announced that there was now only one left and I don’t know who got it?
We finished with the announcement of Next Weeks Run which will be set by Mrs Dickhead and Immaculate Conception from the Scout Hall on Recreation Rd in Mount Clear.
After being told about Normal’s wife Jill’s accident, we would also like to send our best wishes to Normal and Jill, with the hope that Jill is making a speedy and full recovery.
On On