Bevan Kelly

Admin

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Run # 2116, 31 October 2022.

Dr Death/Shafted from the car park under the Good Guys

It’s time… for horse and Halloween.

Many people attended the run dressed in Halloween attire as jockeys. Many also attended later than the 6pm start time.

With a short run, the Grand Master was still not back, so the Box he Cums in took over leading duties. Only shortly though, as it was time for the Screw.

It was described as a “quickie run” and the map? Squint it might be a horse head. Campaspe saw one trail mark, there were a couple of halts, shiggy and a well-stocked drink stop. (Shitty trail)

Now on to the charges… with no grog master… and no grog. Short sharp and sweet sergeanting from Spencer Hocking ensured. It was told that the walkers got split in 3 and Pauline ended up alone. Apparently he enjoyed himself so much he pulled a muscle in his butt. Campaspe was also charged for her Halloween Pacman ghost get up resembling a poorly fitted condom. Exactly the kind of condom you would expect on a Quick Dick. (Mrs Murphy)

The next charge came to light following Rowdy’s spill on his bike. With the news that he was in the hospital having gravel removed from his face, it was surmised that he had dressed as the scariest thing he could think of… Mountie. Precious with his corpse paint was also noted to resemble Rowdy. (U.G.L.Y)

Precious was again charged for his work in social sector taking it out of him, as evidenced by his face. Spencer Hocking’s Halloween get up was also charged for appearing to be Lois Lane’s stolen Murkin. Mrs Dickhead was also charged for appearing in the news paper with a very female havy and not very gender diverse team. (This is your down down song)

On after was at the Old Colonist where I’m certain all the right decisions were made and we’re all millionaires.

 

Bevan Kelly

Admin

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Run # 2115, 24 October 2022.

Bad Hair Day from The Bandstand

It’s time… for anyone to do the screw.

Tommy Half a Bar who arrived late and came halfway through the circle? Sure. Fuck it. He’s screwing the run. He thought it was the best run ever. He went to Bunnings aisle 1 to get some potting mix. Then he asked a girl where the potting mix was. She told him where to go. But he didn’t go there, he went to the batteries and plugs, where he grabbed 3 batteries. And then he came to the circle and thought it was the best run ever *This was not a joke. This was actually said in the circle. Pusbucket then told everyone of how Tommy Half a Bar was a protégé from Morrison’s, when he was born, he was the youngest baby ever. Pusbucket then explained that the walkers had been harassing the barflies who were at the George… but not Big Dog who completely ignored them. Pusbucket finished by adding his own two cents to the screw, Bad Hair Day had effectively improvised, adapted and overcame. (Shitty Trail)

Rowdy was the next charged for having an alcohol free day Sunday, right after he gave everyone a free alcohol day on Saturday. (Hashy Birthday)

Snag closed out by asking Rear Entry what sex position makes the ugliest babies. He then told Rear Entry to ask his mother. (U.G.L.Y)

Spencer Hocking then started the changes by charging everyone who had a birthday that week. Boner, Rowdy, and Rowdy’s relative Criss Cross. This then saw Mrs Dickhead charged for her birthday, despite being charged last week for her birthday. Then they would love to have a beer with Duncan cause it was his birthday. Fascinator has a birthday so he’s out the front to. Bent Nose said he has a birthday next year, but Fascinator reminded him “not yet you don’t”. (They outta be)

Rowdy was charged because DnC was pissed from Saturday she wasn’t acknowledged for driving Rowdy to Hash every week for 3 years. Tommy was also out the front because no one at the party believed he roots sheep. (Finnish drinking song)

A little belated, but RA Nutcracker was recognised for her miracle of stopping the rain for exactly the duration of the run. Her second miracle was the quantity of alcohol she drank on the weekend. Speaking of free beer, Rear Entry was charged for chipping his beer glass at the pub and getting a free beer. Immaculate Conception then pointed out that there’s only two reasons to go to the George; to pick up MILFs and to see creepy old men. Wonder which one the barflies were? (B.I.M.B.O)

It was contended that the greatest ever game of cricket was played the previous weekend, but Pusbucket and Spartacus came out the front because all those commentators have clearly never seen the Hash cricket. Mrs Dickhead then charged Precious for driving her… who passed his beer back to her cause he was driving. Immaculate was also charged for making a powerful enemy of the barflies. (A soul)

Spence himself was charged for a mistake he made earlier. DnC wasn’t pissed at Rowdy on Saturday, she was just pissed. Spence asked for Big Dog to take him away. When BP questioned why the Choir Master wasn’t asked to take us away, she was charged for questioning the Sergeant. (Thew wiggle of her ass *whisper*)

Lois Lane was disappointed that she had bought a sanitary pad to halt the flow of the Campaspe. Lord knows how old the pad was. Bad Hair Day was also applauded for putting a toilet in his run. (Mrs Murphy)

In an athletic feat that needed to be acknowledged, Shafted got a little way through the run before realising he had left his keys in the back seat of his car. He ran back, grabbed the keys and then completed the run with everyone else. Tommy then charged Pennyfarthing for almost running her over, only for a rebound when it was determined that Tommy’s car is idiot proof when it comes to running people over. (You’re stupid)

Boner was then commended for walking to the George with the barflies, a superhuman effort for him. There was then a visual gag about a Penny Farthing. (His one skin)

Next weeks run has been welcome documented in a two part series by Rowdy on the Facebook page.

 

Bevan Kelly

Admin

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Run # 2114, 17 October 2022.

Bent Nose from Creswick

It’s time… to use words to annoy the Prince of Pomposity, irregardless of whether they’re real.

Pusbucket welcomed all to the great area of Creswick, noting it as the birthplace of Norman Lindsay and John Curtin. Welcomes back to the area included Pebbles, Squizzy, and Rear Entry nominating himself for a beer for the second time in 3 weeks. (Get a life)

The birthday club was out in full swing again, with Mrs Dickhead, Boner and Wee Problem (she’s not here, but luckily Juscum bought the box she came in). (Hashy Birthday)

Then came the auspicious moment. The passing of the perpetual horn from one 1000 runner to the next. Firstly, Bad Hair Day, who held the horn for approximately 7 years, passed the horn to Criss Cross. And, almost as if to foreshadow Liz Truss, no sooner had he gained the title, Criss Cross passed the horn on to Lois Lane. (What a wank)

The raging Campaspe took centre stage. She “full up to here” and “spread far and wide”. The consensus was that the map just looks like a blob. The run started by going up… and then up… and then up. And then it went down and ran along a creek. Campaspe stated that we saw Kangaroos, which was a bonus and found our way back to a good drink stop… which smelt strongly of fertilizer. (Shitty trail)

Spencer Hocking came forward as the only sergeant from now on. He informed us that, if Rear Entry notes down more runs, he’ll be the next 1000 runner, and if he sits on the horn, he’ll have a rear entry. (B.I.M.B.O)

Precious and Pink Bits came out the front because Immaculate Conception wasn’t here (luckily we had the box he cums in) and they’d love to have a beer with Duncan. Campaspe then came out the front after the radio informed hash that she was going down. (Wiggle of her ass)

Nummy was then charge for brining a virgin runner the prior week but not being able to make her cum again. Precious was charged for proposing she be called Red Breast rather than Red Chest. (No no no)

Pusbucket was then charged for not saying where the drink stop was, which forced Tommy Half a Bar and Boner to walk half the walk. (What a wank)

Pebbles was charged for doing his 11th marathon. Precious then joined him for pointing out that, between the two of them, they had done an average of 5 and a half marathons each. Bent Nose joined for his similarly herculean effort of riding 55kms to set a 3km run. (Fuck hymn)

Nutcracker was the next charge. Having arrived at the drink stop, she asked who Master Bait was. Someone then told her it was “Bait” to which she responded “oh… Master Bait”. Juscum was then applauded for her heroics, having kicked a rock out of the way so that Squizzy wouldn’t fall over it on the run. (Finnish drinking song)

Fascinator then told the age old “kick in the nuts vs childbirth” joke. Rear Entry was then charged for spilling 3 beers at the pub and trying to deflect the blame. He then tried to change the subject by talking about socks. Pusbucket charged Rear Entry while he was out the front. Rear Entry lent Silic a couple of bucks a few month ago and hasn’t seen him since. Money well spent. (Why was he born so beautiful)

Boner was charged because Nutcracker and Mountie walked around the corner to see a lone Boner with all of his friends. (Mrs Murphy)

Boner then led a chorus of Swing Low Sweet Chariot. (Swing Low)

Rear Entry was the final charge for not knowing the words to the mime. (This is your down down song).