Bevan Kelly

Admin

  · ntseoaMt1a820260ta 2 : 2ya30  · 

Run #2091, 23 May 2022

Mrs Dickhead from the Grapes Hotel.

The run set out through out the pleasant Mt Pleasant area. It was later revealed that the run managed to short cut whilst remaining on trail.

Back at the Grapes, Pusbucket showed off his new, if a little late, committee shirts. They were given to the new committee of:

- Pusbucket

- Sergeants Spencer and Quick Dick

- Screw Campaspe

- Hash Cash Big Dog

- Trail Master Rowdy

- Grog Master Spartacus

- Choir Master Mrs Dickhead

- Hash Horn Teflon

- Scribe Precious

- Keeper of the Book the Bill

- And Religious Advisor Nutcracker

With these shirts, Pusbucket announced It’s Time for a new era of Hash, built upon it’s fundamental first rule (no poofters) and bringing forth a structured lifestyle. 8 hours of work, 8 hours of rest, and 8 hours of Hash. With this the new committee was taken away. (Scomo was his name-o).

With the screw absent, Nut Bush Clitty Licker took the stage as the stand in screw. NBCL stated that the run went up some hills and it went down some hills. It was also noted that the run was in the fabulous east and was “probably in the shape of a phallus”. The overall score for the run was declared to be the “same as the liberal party primary vote”. (Shitty trail).

Welcome backs for Rear Entry, SS, Road Runner, Dr Death and Paul Bearer. Without either of his Sergeants, Pusbucket took agency and stood in as the sergeant. His first charge was to Bent Nose. It was explained that Bent Nose’s riding group had noticed something amiss with Bent and inquired what was wrong. Bent told them that BP had cut back sex to once a week, to which they responded, “consider yourself lucky, she’s cut some of us out altogether”. (No no no)

NC was then bought out the front as she advised that anyone who was having relationship issues could go to her for advise and hand relief. While out the front, Pusbucket took the opportunity to explain the differences between men and women. Using geography, Pusbucket explained that up to 20, women are like Africa, dark and exciting. Up to 30, they’re like Spain, warm and inviting. To 40, they’re like France, sophisticated. And up to 50 and beyond, they’re like Australia, arid and dry. But men are like North Korea and Russia their entire lives, ruled by 2 nuts. (The wiggle of her ass).

Mountie then charged the GN/Sergeant Pusbucket. In a visual charge, Mountie showed an Australian article that stated women “don’t want a Snag in the lodge, they want a date”. Mountie pointed out that she wanted a Snag in the lodge. (There’s a game called 20 toes).

Scomo was then awarded a “not my job” board. However, it was mentioned that this board was unfair as Scomo was acting as the Hash Cash and Grog Master. Pusbucket commended Big Dog for “doing the work of 3 men, too bad their names are Moe, Larry and Curly”. (Scomo was his name-o).

Nutcracker was charged because, at the drinkstop, J2 had stated that Mrs D that he had thought FOP was coming up to the esky, only to realise that it was actually NC. Mrs D herself was then charged for not having any halts on her run. While she was out the front, some hashers also took the opportunity to note that Mrs D had reprinted the Hash song book and decided which songs she liked best, because some songs appeared more than once in the book. (Give us an aye).

Juscum was charged for being overheard saying that at Hash “there were no John Kerrs… but plenty of Wayne Kerrs”. Tommy Half a Bar was then bought out the front as a devout Liberal believer. It was mentioned that Tommy spent 8 hours on election day at the polling booths. Shafted said that he found the process confusing as well, but it didn’t take him 8 hours to vote. Dr Death was then seen out the front and had a hard time deciding whether he was out the front because he was a liberal believer or a Wayne Kerr. (What a wank).

Teflon was the final charge of the night. Hash was regaled with the tale of Teflon at the Drink Stop stating he couldn’t fit it in his stubby holder because it was too big and he couldn’t get it out because it was too dry. (Finnish drinking song).

Next weeks run is Fascinator’s run from the Stag Hotel in Learmonth. *Heavy beer and ice TBA*

2Jason Kelly and 1 other

 

Bevan Kelly

Admin

  · snerphhf604m05u1h210  · 

Run #2090, 16 May 2022

Nun and Dumb from the North Gardens.

The run began under suboptimal conditions and shortened run was planned. However, conditions subsequently improved and an entire run was cobbled together.

At the circle, Pusbucket welcomed back Shafted and Spartacus (Snags boyfriend’s back), before regaling Hash with Ash Barty’s inspirational discussions about over coming pressure. Pusbucket called on the Religious Advisor, Nutcracker, to come forward. Pusbucket applauded the RA’s efforts with the weather, likening it to pulling the coal out of the fire at the right time. However, he did also lampoon the RA for not pulling her phone out of the dunny early enough. (The wiggle of her ass). Before handing over to his screw, Pusbucket used his final charge to let everyone know about the Ballarat East Chrysanthemum show and brining the Bill out the front as Hash’s local botanist. (Get a life).

Campaspe took the front to Screw Dumb and Num. Dumb was visibly excited by the 3 way, but Num noted that the girls would probably do all the work. Campaspe started by noting that a small subgroup had done an alternative run. And it was then noted that this alternative map looked like a penis. However, the marks were washed away, but the Screw gave it a pass due to there being “not too many hills”. It was noted that the run was freezing as fuck, but the drink stop was relatively well stocked, but the lollies were hard causing people to almost lose a tooth. The run was deemed “pretty good”. (Shitty Trail).

Spencer Hocking took the stage as the first Sergeant. Spencer charged the Bill. When Campaspe came into the rotunda, she stated “I’m not running in that rain” to which the Bill responded “it never rains at Hash”. BP was also bought out the front for spending a meticulous amount of time folding a piece of clothing into a makeshift stubby holder. (You’re stupid).

Head Hunter was then charged for rushing in to the Rotunda late and asking Pusbucket whether he was going to stay in the Rotunda or go out running. One stupid person drinks… Tommy Half a Bar and Dumb were bought out the front as well. (You’re Stupid).

Dumb then bought Head Hunter out the front again as the ATO had shown up at a work place looking for a ‘Lois Lane’ that Head Hunter had employed under the wrong name. (You’re stupid).

Rowdy then recalled Collingwood breaking their premiership drought in 1990 with Darren Millane breaking his thumb and the stories that he had his cast made to accommodate a stubby. Rowdy bought Spartacus out the front for appearing to have a similarly moulded cast that was form fitting to his stubby. Juscum was also bought out the front for seeing the lollies and stating she wanted something soft. She was informed that on a cold night, there were plenty of soft things. (Give it a blow).

The Bill was bought back out the front for littering the Fabulous East with his Chrysanthemum pamphlets. Pusbucket was also bought out the front for the run going past 3 baseball pitchs. But despite them being built “he did not cum”. Dumb and Num then tried to charge Mountie and Pusbucket for recommended Bridgerton to get them going. Num and Dumb said that it did nothing for them, but the general consensus was that this was a rebound. Juscum was again charged for watching 3 6 5 but not realising that it was paramount to soft core porn. (20 toes).

Num was then charged for flashing everyone while in the circle. Pusbucket then asked “what do Scomo and Captain Cook have in common? They both wish they’d never been to Hawaii”. Scomo, Albo and Pauline were then bought out the front. (Give us an aye).

Nut Bush Clitty Licker was then called upon, because, even though Nutcracker lost her phone in the toilet, NBCL left his wallet on a bar top over the weekend. (Put it in your hand).

Quick Dick then came out to do his Sergeant duties but stated he didn’t take a piece of paper with him because it was too wet. He called out Precious for falling in a hole and NBCL for appearing to touch himself when out the front of the tram museum. He then bought out Nummy and Scomo to join them, noting that Nummy had taken them past the Prime Ministers bust because rumour had it that a new coal bust had been put up for Scomo. It was also noted that Nummy had climbed the fence to the gardens and stated to a number of other hashers that they wished they could “Spread” like her. (She’ll be flapping around the mountain).

As the circle was wrapping up, Bent Nose sarcastically commented that the weather was fine and there was no need to leave. He was subsequently charged for being “fucking obnoxious”. (Down Down Down).

Next weeks run is Mrs Dickhead from the Grapes Hotel on Grant Street. !!!NOT THE BUNCH OF GRAPES!!!

 

Bevan Kelly

Admin

  · tSdpoo42h68f776f82012g4  · 

Run #2089, 9 May 2022

Lois Lane from 53 Sorrento Drive.

After some negative feedback, the word cap* has been scrapped. We are returning to essays. But not A+ essays, more in the ballpark of D- essays.

The run began not in the “fabulous east”, but as the ever-wise Grand Master noted, “everywhere is east of somewhere”. Proceedings for the night commenced with a welcomes back for Fergie and a very special welcome for Dumb and Dumber as the newest member of the 1300 club. (Get a life) but Dumb and Dumber also received his own special down down song. (Give me an aye).

Campaspe took centre stage to screw the run. Campaspe noted that this weeks run resembled a flaccid penis of sorts, but there was no statement on whether this was an analogy for the run itself. However, Campaspe also noted that if you turned the flaccid penis upside down, it looked a lot happier. This is important advice for some of the older gentlemen at Hash. It was noted that the run was 7km, but this was evened out by it being within walking distance of the scribe’s house. A noteworthy mention also went to the HHHH, which the scribe surmised as standing for a Hungry Hippos Hash Halt. The run was ultimately praised for its two drink stops, its handmade scones and the brief foray it took past the Grieving Mother memorial as a nice Mother’s Day touch. (Shitty Trail).

Continuing on from last year’s newfound tradition of having multiple Sergeant’s in the hope that at least one will attend, both Quick Dick and Spencer Hocking took the stand for the charges.

Quick Dick began proceedings by acknowledging that it was the Mother’s Day run and that it was the 3rdyear in a row that Lois had held the run. But Quick Dick decided to put a spin on the theme and charged all the motherfuckers who made the mothers mothers. This included Spence, Teflon, Pauline, Bad Hair Day, Dumb, Criss Cross, Rowdy and Nut Bush Clitty Licker. (A game called 20 toes).

The prince of pomposity, Bent Nose, was then heard to get annoyed that Hash palindromes were note being recognised, before he and Nutcracker were bought out the front for their respective birthdays. DnC was also bought out the front as she was heard to be disappointed that she missed her opportunity with Bent’s 69. (Hashy Birthday).

Quick Dick then used his platform to begin cleaning up the behaviour on trail at Hash. He first bought Mountie out the front for arriving at the first drink stop and proclaiming the deeply introspective proverb “if they’re walking, they’re not running”. Head Hunter then joined her for running on the trail for the first time in 9 months. (Build a bonfire).

It was then Juscum who was bought out arriving at a Halt and immediately looking for trail. Precious was subsequently charged for not calling trail. Then came the charge for Campaspe, Plucka and BHD. Quick Dick informed the circle that he had bent over on the trail and was being followed by Plucka and Campaspe, neither of whom harassed him. Quick Dick was disappointed at this fact, but more disappointed that BHD had considered harassing the Sergeant. (She’s the meanest).

Quick Dick himself was then charged for asking to borrow glasses to read his own writing, with people pointing out that he could either bring his own or simply write bigger. (You’re stupid).

The Grand Master then charged Tommy Half a Bar for a statement that occurred while the run was taking place. Tommy stated that Bar Licker had sent him to do the shopping and he was “better than Normal”. This caused people to question what Tommy in usually like in the shopping centre and how does he know how good Normal is. To join Tommy, Quick Dick called upon Mrs Dickhead and Mountie. Quick Dick noted that Mrs D was sweeping the pack to keep everyone together, but when Quick Dick himself ran past Mrs D, she was heard to say “How come we didn’t know you were lost?”. And when Quick Dick made it to the first drink stop, he poured himself his first cup of mulled wine, only to have Mountie comment on how full his cup was while grabbing her third. (Give me an aye).

Once again, Tommy was bought out the front for the tried and true creased jeans charge, but he was joined by the MasterBaiter who could only dream of having jeans that well maintained. Mrs D and Pennyfarthing were then bought out the front as Mrs D had been Lois’ run bitch, while Penny had been Lois’ kitchen bitch. To round out the group, Quick Dick was charged for emerging from the darkness on the run and appearing to be sniffing a pair of underwear. (This is your down down song).

Spencer then charged his fellow Sergeant. Spence stated that he was going away in a few weeks and applauded Quick Dick for already growing a Spencer-esque beard to resemble the Sergeant, but Spencer was informed that of the two of them, only Quick Dick appeared to have lost a stone. Dumb was also charged as Quick Dick had borrowed Dumb’s glasses and he was seen to be making some questionably slanty eyed faces. (U.G.L.Y).

Big Dog and NBCL were then called out the front and the circle heard that they had tried to get a taxi together during the week. Instead NBCL got a mate and they boarded the car together. NBCL got in the front and saw the radio 55.55 and tried to charge Big Dog the “$55.55 fare” for the taxi ride. To round out the evenings charges, Hash’s Albo, Bent, was bought out alongside Nutcracker for the all the sincerity of a fake tan. And when Albo drinks, so does Scomo. (Finnish drinking song).

Next weeks run is the Rotunda near the North Gardens.

*The word cap was definitely not an excuse to easily pump multiple weeks’ worth of scribing out in one go

 

Bevan Kelly

Admin

  · rdnes8hmt7512h1ftt0aif5l7i9a  · 

Run #2088, 2 May 2022

Criss Cross from 14 Platypus Drive.

The scribe was not present, the following information is second hand:

- The walk was longer than the run

- There were stewed figs