Matthew Gibney

Admin · 16 hrs

Run 1973, A BUSH RUN from "near enough to Cosgrove's" Reservoir, Hare Mountie.

Another splendid demonstration of why we all love to get out of town in Summer. A good crowd, enthusiastic participation, alternative activities (fishing and drinking beer), ripper trail with pink bits, a spontaneous migration for the circle, and wonderful carrot cake to finish off a tasty dinner. What more could a Hasher ask for?

(Well, a bit less rain, a trailer with lights and BBQ attached, BF #2, no injuries, eternal youth......)

The trail was cannily set with a longish circle back to the start which achieved its aim of catching any stragglers. It wandered briefly to the bitumen, before a detour on dirt lead to a simultaneous climax with the walkers right at the entrance to the pink bit. The gentlemanly runners then held back for a moment and let the walkers go first, a bit of bush bashing then a lovely longish run in along a single track in the Creswick Creek gully, through the diggings and back to a drink stop at the car park.

Highlights of the run/walk included Dumb and Dumber's spectacular fall (aka "fight with a kangaroo"), Lois lagging due to a pain in the arse, and SS demonstrating the gentlemanly art of fly fishing, which seems to include catching no fish.

The rain dropped gently just as the drink stop concluded, forcing a mass evacuation to the bird shit infested rotunda a little way up the road, near the koala park, also reinforcing the "near enough to Cosgrove's" theme.

The GM Fuckin' ate 'er then took over briefly to welcome back Quick Dick, Pus Bucket, and the easily overlooked Half a Bar (this is your down down song)

He then tried to charge all who were seated, was told to get fucked, and drank on his own (ya stupid).

Shafted briefly screwed the run, charged the RA Nummy for the poorly timed rain, and then entertained the masses with the Snag and Mountie version of "I got you, Babe", so reminiscent of Sonny & Cher that I had to look twice at the singers. (20 toes...)

Mountie: 1973: Steve Bradbury, Cathy Freeman, Plucka and Precious's father all born. (....she's a Harriette)

also, The Watergate (Pluckagate) scandal continues, The White Australia Policy repealed (Nummy and Head Hunter, then all foreigners), the Greeks abolished their monarchy (God Save Our Gracious Queen...)

Highlights of other charges included; SS for showing off with his big pole, D&D for the Vietnam war, Precious quoted from his favourite poem, 'The Lorax" by Dr Suess, then confessed that his girlfriend was fresh and juicy (and we all though she was Butt Fuck). At this point Shafted produced a bike seat, and tried to fit it "Cinderella style" to appropriate ladies. Sillic was charged for turning into a pumpkin, Pimp for Mr Quickie making the cut, and D&C for her jockey-like squeaky Linda Meech voice.

As mentioned, the meal was fresh and tasty, as expected, Sillic only had one serve of seconds, and there was enough carrot cake to satisfy all.

Bike Hash from the Freight Bar on Sunday at midday, next Monday Shafted will host from the three tunnels on the Creswick-Bald Hills Road.

See you all in 4 weeks.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 5 hrs

Run 1972 Hare Teflon with GILF, from their place in Invermay.

A BUSH RUN !!! And a bloody good one.

The crowd gathered relatively early in anticipation of trail set through the Creswick State Forest, and after a stand up routine which fell as flat as recent Holden car sales, Fuckinator asked Teflon to explain the run. "Set Wagga Style", was the reply, with the explanation that nothing was as it seemed. Markings consisted of X and 0 at the end of a morse code of dots and dashes. Shafted wrote it all down on his hand so as to not confuse himself, and Teflon was most helpful in telling people where to go anyway, and the packs got home, so it must have worked. Rather than describe the run, I will replicate the code as far as the first hold check.

. . - - - - / - . . . . X - - . . . \ - - . . . 0

What it does not describe are the hills, the winding single tracks, the undulating terrain, the eucalypts, the water courses, the dappled sunlight shining through the leaves, the banter amongst runners, Teflon's glee when Mountie went the wrong way THREE times, and the fucking big hill right towards the end. Quartz seams intersecting in their N/S and E/W orientation, a yellow glove, wallabies, dog turds and a pack that stayed together until the run in home were all highlights.

Welcome back to Donuts, Head Hunter, D & C, and Fang.

And then there was the screw. Shafted mentioned in passing Kimel (a tok show hoss apparently?), his new found colour co ordinated yellow right glove, GOLD Country, then mentioned that he'd googled Teflon.

PolyTetraFluoroEthylene was the answer, and the song title.

"PolyTetraFluoroEthylene - Teflon's chemical equation

They say nothing sticks to him except GILFY with elation

Even when she grinds on him she don't get no abrasion

PolyTetraFluoroEthylene his chemical equation

Dumb's little diddle is in Num's middle eye

Dumb's little diddle is in Num's middle eye

Dumb's little diddle is in Num's middle eye

In Wagga and too shy to speak when he was just a lad

GILFY gave his knob a tweak and thought that wasn't bad

Then with her red lipstick on she kissed him on the prong

But when she went to wipe it off it was already goneI

PolyTetraFluoroEthylene - Teflon's chemical equation

They say nothing sticks to him except GILFY 's clam in humble supplication

and when they reach their climax both it sounds just so amazing

PolyTetraFluoroEthylene his chemical equation

Dumb's little diddle is in Num's middle eye

Dumb's little diddle is in Num's middle eye

Dumb's little diddle is in Num's middle eye"

Mountie then made a good fist of following the song. 1972, the longest year on record (not counting Fuckinator's rule) -SS-, EG Whitlam - left leaning Hashers- , Watergate -Plucka- , The Joy of Sex -The Bill, Pebbles, Donuts-, smoking is a Health Hazard, - Nutcracker, Nummy-, "secret fagging" - Normal - , That Yuri Guy eating his teammates.

Highlights from before the run; Bent Nose, the engineer whose lawn mower would't start, Rear Entry - " a small penis isn't so bad", Sillic had multiple charges alluding to his body shape and eating habits, which led into Fuckin' ate 'er telling a politically incorrect baby joke, which led to the three dogs talking in the Vets. "No, I'm here for a pedicure".

Bait showed off his general knowledge, asking of The Lord of the Rings, "where's Piggy?"

A couple of Black Kettle award nominations were mentioned, then dinner was served. Chicken and salad in generous quantities were washed down with whatever we wanted. Well done, hosts.

Next week Mountie will set another BUSH RUN from Cosgrove Reservoir, at the intersection of the Creswick Dean Road with the Melbourne Road.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 47 mins

Run 1971, The Cricket Run, Hare Pus Bucket, from the Den @ City Oval.

Lois Lane 900 Runs, Lois Lane 65th birthday. What an event!

After an hour of mid summer drizzle, a good crowd of enthusiastic athletes (with some notable welcomes back) attended for the annual and hotly contested Ballarat HHH Cricket match, with perpetual trophy. Reigning champions Stubby and Rowdy were hamstrung by Stubby's last minute call in to work, and Rowdy deflated by Free Wiilie's non attendance, curtailing any spontaneous repeats of last years' post match celebratory laps.

But first the run. Fuckinator turned up just in time to look like a wanker in his suit and tie, complete with name badge. Undeterred, he nominated the efforts of Lois as amazing, prior to calling on the hare to describe the run.

"Just like any sex you've had in the past 10 years", was the call, and he didn't disappoint. Brief, perfunctory even, and over almost before it started. Plukka hadn't even warmed up by the time most were finished, and had to take the Bill on a lap of the lake to satisfy her urges. For the rest it was a simultaneous climax, the walkers somehow managing to short cut the runners and arrive at the drinkstop together at 1852 hours. 'Twas a good day for Shafted to turn up on time.

The cricket match followed, with an orderly progression of batters and bowlers, and the usual skill highlights and lowlights on display. MastaBait's sharp catch (but not a patch on the Dimwit CLASSIC of last year), Spence throwing down the middle stump from a fair distance, and Pimp being hit fair smack in the nuts while batting caught the eye.

All adjourned to the Den for the circle, where a more appropriately dressed Fuckinator held court.

Three visiting runners (whose names still escape me, {possibly Terry, Donna, Limousine ??}) were acknowledged. (Build a Bonfire, put the Kiwis on the top...)

Welcomes Back to: Nutcracker, Butt Fuck, Immaculate Conception, Rear Entry & Road Runner (.. Like the Tiger of old, we're strong and we're bold..)

Shafted screwed the run with a presentation a short as the event.The punchline from "Too drunk to Fuck" by the Dead Kennedys seemed appropriate..

Mountie then took the stage. 1971.

Mrs D born, East High went on strike ( perhaps even 1972) - Spence, Pus Bucket, Spartacus, Road Runner - "what a wank". Swiss women allowed to vote (multiple), Evonne Goolagong Australian of the Year (nummy), Idi Amin in the headlines (fuckinator), Evel Knievel jumped cars and /or busses on his motor bike (teflon). Half a Bar pointed out he and Bait had a horse that won twice at Flemington. The most stirring rendition of God save the Queen followed, notable for those who didn't join in, Mountie as she is an avowed republican, and Butt Fuck because she doesn't know the words.

"I am Spartacus" was heard from the crowd as Hass had a beer in honour of Kirk Douglas. Mountie was charged for all the photos she took with her finger covering the lens, Precious for running every single on back , BP for her Mary Poppins umbrella, and Nutcracker for saying "I'd like to get down his Member's End and face a couple of Balls". NBCL arrived soon afterwards.

Pus Bucket then announced the cricket awards, initially wearing a gonad protector Hannibal Lecter like on his face, then replaced with a GENUINE Jeff Thompson Baggy Green. The scribe got to touch it and didn't wash his hand until he next peed.

Big Dog’s pounding down like a machine.Precious making divots in the green.Spencer's takin’ wickets.Masta’s clearing pickets.
And the Kiwi girls have got that killer gleam.

Mrs Dickhead’s playing havoc with the bats.Road Runner, it’s good to see ya back.Pimp is making runs.Doctor's chewing gum.
And Bent is wielding willow like an axe.

C’mon Aussie, c’mon, c’mon
C’mon Aussie, c’mon, c’mon
C’mon Aussie, c’mon, c’mon
C’mon Aussie, c’mon.

"There's two teams out there, and none of them's playing cricket"

Pebbles and Pimp were crowned the winners, after their masterful all round display of Batting, bowling and fielding. The Bat was reverentially presented to the deserving victors. Well done.

The joke of the night concerned the Sillic-like tribal chief, who failed to heed the lesson "You can't kill two birds with one stone".

And Lois was celebrated for her dual accomplishment of 900 runs and 65 years.

Real Gourmet sausages were an appetiser to the well cooked Hamburgers (thanks Normal and Campaspe), with fresh salad and buns; a perfect accompaniment to cold rolled Coopers Original Pale Ale across the bar.

Next week we get serious and watch Teflon & GILF join the Summer Bush Run Honour Board with a BUSH RUN from their house in Invermay (Taylor Court). The weather report looks promising alread

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 1 hr

Run 1970, Hare Pebbles, from Miners Rest

A motley and bedraggled 24 turned up for a run from the House of the trail master. One would have thought that being Master of Trail indicated Masterful trail setting.

Incorrect.

Anaemic arrows with indeterminate direction and inconsistent placement made following the run less than easy. Then a long, long stretch along the Highway to a distant drink stop resulted in at least 3 of the male members made to "mark their trail" beside nearby bushes. None were Christened for their act. Where is the justice in that? The BFs (Bar Flies) supplied transport back to the garage for the circle.

Fuckinator* was in a good mood. Before the run he rejoiced in announcing Campaspe* 15 (13 as Shazza), FOP 400, Rowdy resurrected, and then pretended to have to say "IMHFU" by forgetting Spencer Hocking 1200 runs.

Lois missed the down downs as she had to ATTEND HER WEDDING ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION. At least she turned up for the run. Should be a big week in that household, with birthdays and Waitangi day, as well as a big run ending in "00" next week.

FOP, Mountie, Her Vagesty and Fergie were welcomed back to the Sovereign Hash. FOP has taken since 1994 to reach 400 runs (SS has missed fewer that that in the nearly 2000 runs the Hash has set). Oh, and Spencer Hocking 1200 runs (They ought to be publicly pissed on.. )

Shafted : "I screwed yesterday". Lucky Shafted.

He had a story about the superbowl that Pebbles left in his possession many years ago, never to be seen again. He described his run where he got hopelessly lost at the start, but ended up 'a mile in front; not many do with AMP!', then uncovered Pebbles' whiteboard from work, cleverly disguised as a table tennis table.

No song, but a "P is for Pebbles" Poem, then SHITTY TRAIL.

Mountie started with 1970. Nixon was President. He "might have fucked up." The wedding anniversary of Lois and Pauline was mentioned, also Nummy's "would have been" 41 st year of being married. Cleavage has a similar issue but the same date

Mountie can be blamed for starting the "joke off" - "How is a woman like a road?" which led to Tommy and the pissing on the carpet one, Dimwit with the "3 inch willie", followed by making the donkey laugh/cry, then "3 double whiskeys please", followed by "I'll have 5 whiskeys please". Details have been recorded on video if you really want the punch lines (Ya stupid, ya stupid....)

Nummy was mentioned in the Courier front page headline for "raising the Bar". Pity it was so long ago, the bar has tumbled since. More mentions of FOP 400, Spence 1200, and Campaspe ("lucky it wasn't the Burrumbeet Creek"). Normal got a beer for driving Rowdy home, and dinner was served.

Next week's run IS the cricket run from the City Oval cricket ground.

*spelling is an issue (? "Fuckin ate 'er", aka what he did with his last 69). Similarly ? "Campas PEE"

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 11 hrs

02.02.2020 Total Palindromic Run, Axedale

Host Glider, Hare Exit

Well, what an amazing, feel good shit hot run and afternoon was had by all and sundry. Exit and Glider put on a magnificent event in a quirky country pub, well catered with good food and interesting beer, a very pleasant bush run around Axedale and along the Campaspe River, with a generous drink stop on the run, and back at Glider's Place. A good circle, with horses' arses supplied, two christenings, a swimming pool sojourn, and a bus trip back to base to cap it off.

The day started at 0845 hours exactly. Big Dog attended at 0848, snuck onto the bus to take the last remaining seat, forcing D & D to drive the car. What a nasty thing to do. Dr Death was good enough to join Dumber for company, and then Nummy got the guilts and joined the car as well.

Precious cracked the first beer at 9 07, his mother only an hour behind him. Crossing the bone dry Loddon River
reminded us of the lack of rain north of the divide. Things began to unravel at Barker's Creek. "I might have fucked up" was heard from the navigators seat as the bus was directed towards Bendigo instead of Sutton Grange, After a 10 minute on back, "IMHFU #2", was again muttered in the vicinity of Barker's Creek. When the bus careered past the Sutton Grange Road (much to the dismay of SS) "IMHFU #3" was heard.

The bus made the pub in time for 1111 hrs. The run commenced somewhat later. Shafted turned up later still, and Half a Bar appeared in time for the drink stop.

Set in the Glider stamp, trail quickly entered the gum trees around Axedale, with on backs keeping the pack very tight, meandered along bike paths and the golf course and rail trail before dipping down to a run in along the quiet murmuring waters of the Campaspe. The drink stop was entertained by intermittent appearances of the local supercharged lawn mower society trying to impress the ladies. Little did he know there are no ladies at Hash.

But there are horses.

Welcomes back to Shafted, Glider , Exit, Pall Bearer, and SS. "they're the meanest" was the obvious song, sung loudly just as one of the local 4 yo kids hopped into the car. "it's all right, he's from a farm" said the smiling Dad.

Spencer Hocking then took over, presented Palindromic recreation shirts (worth $2.50, charged by Spartacus @ $22.50) to appropriate people, while noting that as well as losing Russell Up The Publican during his 2002 reign, he has since lost Heavy, Big Balls and Crunt, all Committee Members.....

He managed in the process to get Head Hunter to take her top off. No one was disappointed. Tommy even needed a second look. (this is your down down song)

Shafted was on fire. Began his screw by likening his recent American trip to Mrs Dickhead ("both the Gand Canyon and Route 66")

"What a run" and other superlatives, followed by:

G is for the Goodness that Glider has inside

L is for the liveliness he brings to a run or ride

I for Intelligence that Engineers think they have

D is the Dickhead Dummy Spit and Spazz

E for eroticism when he thinks of Exit and Hash Tarts

and 'Arrh' is the sound he makes when he sits in the Volvo and farts.

Spencer Hocking was Sergeant for the day. Many charges involved 1969, assorted numbers, palindromes, digit sims, squares and square roots, often all at the same time.

Anyway; Exit 111, D&C 175 (which was somehow linked to 169), GILF 300, Dr Shazza 14.

Tommy managed to put his new shirt on backwards, Shafted just fitted into his tent.

Dr Shazza was asked to assume the position. For some reason she knelt rather than squatted, and was christened Campaspe, with more than an allusion the the peaceful sound of gentle flowing water down by the river.

The GM, much to his surprise, also had his name tweaked to "Fuckinator", after one too many fuck ups.

The circle rolled on for a while, most decamped to the Estate where more chatting, birdwatching , pool dipping and quiet drinking was had, before the bus trip home where the scribe lost track of time, balance and self respect. Bus driver Normal got him home safely. Thank you.

All in all a most pleasant day.