Jason Kelly

Sovereign H3 - Members Only

50 m  · 

BH3 Run 2022 – 22.02.2021 – Pus Bucket’s cricket run – City Oval

22 cricketers and 9 barflies set off on a brief 30 minute run/walk around the lake/City Oval precinct before coming together for a drinks stop and much anticipated cricket game. As always, Pus Bucket was busily arranging teams whilst the participants were complaining about who they were partnered up with. I distinctly recall being promised Ellyse Perry as my cricket partner, though I wasn’t disappointed as I was partnered up with a Ballarat’s own version of Ellyse Perry… MOUNTIE!!

The cricket match began in spectacular style with Mountie taking a classic “Ponting-esque” catch first ball of to dismiss Normal (panther-like reflexes with a full-length dive to her right, one-handed catch only inches from the ground). The high level of skills was maintained throughout the evening with Paul Bearer displaying Maradona-like footwork in the field to save multiple boundaries, Fascinator using his shins goal-keeper style to affect a runout, and Spencer taking a hattrick of catches at short midwicket. There were some big sixes hit, (Rowdy) and some entertaining cricket shots, including Dr Death smashing his balls into his poor dog’s arse. With each boundary came a Trump Supporter cry of “It’s rigged” from SOS, who was anxiously protecting the competitive score that he’d posted with Little Evil.

Obviously it was rigged, as Pus Bucket announced that for the 4th time SOS was the winner. SOS suggested that it was about time he “hung up the pads,” Mountie then said that she’d hung up her pads years ago.

The formalities of the evening saw Mrs D as stand-in Screw; "The run was as expected, short and sharp, just how Mountie likes it. But is she aware that you went all over Nummy’s trail?” Score = 1/78m (the distance between the trail markings)  Shitty Trail 

SniffyCunt runs: PIMP, Dumb n Dumber and Pus Bucket (all digit sum equal to the square root of 169). Donuts 787 and Shafted 666.  A Soldier I will be 

Pus Bucket then proffered a new song “ Fuck off Spencer, we’d rather see you later, if we wanted all your numbers we’d use a calculator 

The most notable charge from the run was by Shafted who critiqued the route of the run… “Past the Urologist, the Endocrinologist, the Physio and the dentist. Too many visits and painful memories”. DnC rebounded that he also ran past a Beauty Salon, obviously hasn’t spent enough time there.

There were also multiple charges from the weekend festivities, too many to mention.

Pus Bucket then gave a full rundown of the cricket results and announced awards for the evening:

9th Dumb & Num on -28

8th Teflon & Nutsy on -17

7th Paul Bearer & Normal on -12

Eq 6th DnC & Spencer + Dr Death & Donuts on -2

5th Precious & Campaspee on +1

4th Fascinator & Shafted on +4

3rd Mountie & Fop on +7

Eq 2nd Rowena & Rowdy + Pimp & Pebbles on +11

1st Little Evil & SOS on +16

Pus Bucket then presented cricket awards, proudly sponsored by Buxton Ballarat (Connecting people and property since 1861)

Best Catch – Mountie

Best wicket – Paul Bearer

Best Fielder – Spencer Hocking

Female MVP – Campaspee

Male MVP – Dr Death

Best Umpire – Spartacus

Media award – Mrs D

Norm Smith medal – Little Evil

The evening then got too loud to hear what was going on, though we were treated to a lovely BBQ dinner.

Next week’s run: Big Dog – Codes Forest Road, Invermay

 

Jason Kelly

Sovereign H3 - Members Only

2etSponhsorggued   

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BH3 Run 2023 (Yes, we skipped a few run numbers) – Market Hotel – Lois Lane and Mrs D

A total of 34 Hashers assembled at the Market Hotel for this week’s run, with 16 runners and 13 walkers setting off into Vic Park. Not far into the run we were treated to the first of 3 drinks stops, situated halfway up Gillies St, and included “Champagne Spiders” (champagne and ice-cream). From there we kept heading North and found the second DS containing “Jelly Shots” at the POW memorial. Onward home through the centre of Vic Park, the 3rd and final DS had an abundance of cold drinks and snacks, though Just Cum upended the tray of the remaining Jelly Shots and there were calls for her to not finish them all off.

Back at the Market we assembled for the circle out in the back beer garden, and after a 15-minute wait we were finally joined by the GM. Donuts welcomed back Immaculate Conception, Her Vagesty and Spencer Hocking  They’re the meanest 

Bent Nose called both Hares to stand front and centre, then proceeded to stand between them (Rowdy later charged him for “Splitting Hares”). His Screw began “It was reassuring to go on a Vic Park run where there was not a Paedo to be seen. Three drinks stops was definitely above and beyond expectations and, even more impressive was the two simultaneous climaxes of runners and walkers arriving together.” Score: “33% = the percentage of simultaneous climaxes that didn’t happen due to the runners ignoring an On Back”  Shitty Trail 

Sergeant Quick Dick began by charging Shafted for sitting in the circle, and then charged Rowdy and Pebbles for barging through the doorway whilst QD was politely standing back and allowing other customers to enter the Pub.

Other charges from before the run were Dumb n Dumber for injuring his knee on an escalator, and Num Num who said it was actually a shark attack.  No No No, Bad Bad Bad 

Charges from the run:

DnC had asked QD what the barcode on his t-shirt meant, he replied that it was from “1984”. DnC, who isn’t familiar with the Orwellian classic, responded, “Gee that’s a long time ago”

Shafted was heard on the run saying, “Plucka, come over here and feel these plums”.

Mrs D also charged Plucka who, at the first DS, asked: “Is there anything else available other than port, champagne, ice-cream or beer”. This was rebounded to Mrs D because there was no bottle opener for the beer.  There’s a game called 20 toes 

Just Cum was then charged for knocking everything over at the DS, and BP was charged for texting on the run….

Then Charges were abruptly halted and the Circle disbanded because dinner had been served.

Big Dog was due to host next week’s run, however, the new COVID outbreak put paid to that, with all of Vic now in Stage 4 lockdown the run has been cancelled. Fingers cross restrictions will be lifted on Wednesday night, allowing the 2020th run to go ahead next weekend.

 

Matthew Gibney

Admin

  · dStSpo1nso2rhhedn  · 

Ballarat HHH Run #2019.

1.2.21 - a good date spoilt.

In so many ways a palindromic run. 1 2 2 1 ; trail same out and back; jokes the same as the previous 40 years (according to Criss Cross “déjà vu all over again”).

…. And the hare, Spartacus has outdone Tommy Half a Bar by having the same “out and back” theme to his trail setting for 5 runs in a row.

…. And Spence, who must have spent the whole palindromic day creaming his jocks, was most notable by his absence. He was also missed when the call came for sniffy runs, with DNC finally twigging on that the book may be better utilized NOT locked away in her car.

…. Anyway, I get ahead of myself.

________________________________________________________________

A healthy number of runners attended the Grant St Grapes Hotel for a post summer holiday hash run. Spartacus set the trail in yellow paint, south along the Yarrowee Creek and back, which catered for all paces, as the front runners returning enabled the stragglers to turn back early. The Barflies managed to walk to the well iced and well stocked DS and meet up with the athletes as they returned from the 5 km jaunt.

Back at the pub Donuts took control and made some significant welomes back : Rear Entry, Road Runner, Normal, Dr Death, and Narelle. RE demonstrated that a further two Tiger premierships have completely failed to teach him the Richmond theme song, and also that he doesn’t care that he doesn’t know. Ya Stupid

Apparently, Pauline hit 300 runs, although in the bedlam of the circle I think he nominated himself, and so had a celebratory beer. Get a Life

To the Screw. Bent was told “Good luck with this one” just as Billy Joel’s Piano Man wafted across the loudspeakers and interrupted his erudition. Not to be deterred, he ploughed on. “What a fuck up this one was”. Score, the same as the elevation on the run, zero, only to be amended after conferring with the assembled as it was ‘marginally less worse than the Never Ending Run’, so +0.1

Sergeant QD began by targeting Nutcracker, whose arse appeared on his work zoom background at an inopportune moment. Contracts with BHP were signed promptly as a result.

Road Runner was congratulated for being cunning enough to sabotage Candida’s bike so he could make a Hash comeback. Rowdy, Criss Cros and Pebbles were charged for historical racist attitudes, and Campaspe for her photogenic appearance in the Courier with a local cycling celebrity.

Spencer Hocking’s sad absence was noted, only to be interrupted by a high pitched screeching which seemed to emanate from DNC. I didn’t understand a word she said so cannot report.

Charges from the run. The trail setter was accused (by his wife) of having ‘the imagination of a caravan site’. Questions were raised concerning the bedroom gymnastics. Nutcracker was applauded for not getting lost this time, BP for being prescient in saying “its 4 km, lets go 2 km out and just come back”.

Rear Entry gained a nomination for the Black Kettle Award after being overheard disparaging the trail.

The Bill was noted, on a simple out and back run, to be going up the wrong passage, whilst Campaspe noted the map outline of her run resembled a pert female breast shape. After that things degenerated and stumps were called.

Next week’s run is (really) from the Market Hotel in the fabulous south west, hares Mrs D and Lois. #2020