Jason Kelly

tSmsupon

Run 2001; COVID Run 25; Fop’s 2001 – A Daylesford Odyssey – Twin Bridges Picnic Area, Daylesford

For the benefit of the retirees, this week’s trail was set on the Thursday morning and followed a mountain goat path up one side of the “Dry Diggings Track” beside Sailors Creek to Tipperary Springs. At Tipperary Springs there was a conveniently placed toilet and a wet check featuring the rusty water syphoned from the hand pump. Trail then went across the footbridge and returned the other side of the creek, finishing with a stepping stone crossing back to the Twin Bridges Picnic Area.

Unfortunately, the early trail didn’t entice out any retirees as there was an unseasonal snowfall on Friday…and snow it did! Ballarat and district were turned into a winter’s wonderland on what would normally have been the AFL Grand Final public holiday. (Blame the R.A.!)

The weather did improve across the weekend and was quite pleasant by Sunday morning which allowed for a manned drink stop between 10:30 am and 1 pm. The drinks stop was stocked with cold beer, chips and chocolates, and was supplemented with “delicious and deadly” jelly shots (thanks for the jelly shots Grog Master Nutsy). The combination of weather, location and drinks stop brought the Hashers out en masse, and it was terrific to see Exit return.

Dumb and Num arrived at 1 pm, just at the DS was being packed up, with Dumb hobbling out of his car due to a badly sprained ankle. His ankle prevented him from doing the trail, but it did allow the DS to be supervised for a few more hours. By the end of Sunday most of the Ballarat H3 had partaken in a walk, a beer and a chat (almost back to traditional Hash).

Zoom Circle # 27 was attended by: Spencer, Fop, Her Vag, SS, Donuts, Fang, Campaspee, Mountie, Pebbles, Dumb, Num, Pauline, Lois, Fascinator, DnC, Nut Cracker, NBCL, Teflon, Bent Nose, BP, Bitch Face, Dim Wit, and Rowdy

The early zoom attendees were greeted with an upside-down Nutsy and NBCL and it was suggested that they had taken control of the Batcave (see pic)

The usual early cacophony of who had and hadn’t attended the run was broken by yours truly asking Dumb when I could pick up the drinks stop esky. This started a three-way conversation between myself, Dumb and Pebbles, and we were chastised heavily for wasting precious Zoom time.

At 19:10 the GM (Donuts) called for reverence and welcomed everyone.

Formalities began with SniffyCunt runs and we were met with a barrage of names and numbers from Donuts, DnC and Spencer Hocking, all simultaneously announcing what they deemed significant. My apologies for those with significant runs this week, but I was unable to clearly hear them (something about “if you add Nutsy, Plucka and Pebbles together you get 1000 runs”??)

Bent Nose then began his Screw and thought the location was a “Revelation”, made even better by Sunday’s “sensational weather”. He was complimentary of the suggestion to walk the trail in the reverse direction as that way he both avoided all the On Backs and was able to greet all the other Hashers out on trail who were walking in the correct direction. The “rusty water” Wet Check was a treat, though BP thought “the WC was a toilet stop”.

The only downside was the sunshine and blue sky meant that the UV index was too high for Bent’s fair skin; subsequently awarding the run a “UV index score of 6.5”.

Prior to formal charges Dumb and Num complimented Nutsy on the jelly shots; they had taken the left overs home with them and Dumb had just gulped down his 4th shot in 10 minutes.

Sergeant Quick Dick took the floor and began with charges from the run:

Mountie was charged for initiating the Chlamydia outbreak in the Daylesford Koala population (see pic)

Mountie was also charged by the Facebook police for posting a pic of Rowdy and Lois’ arses. Nummy suggested that Rowdy could benefit from some Pseudocream

Quick Dick thought Rowdy was like Mohammed Ali – both punched around the ring

Head Hunter was wished a Happy 50th Birthday – “Hashy Birthday”

Pebbles charged Dim Wit for introducing introduced his wife to “GLIF” (GILF)

SS charged Bent as he had forgotten to mention Exit’s attendance in the screw (DnC – “thanks for letting the Keeper of the Book know!")

Teflon (who was stuck on mute) charged the Hare as he had found the DS only 15m after the On On

Teflon and Spencer were both charged for their "lockdown hair" (see pic)

Pauline charged Campaspee for pointing out all the Wombat poo; “She knows her shit”... “Are wombat arseholes square??”

Lois celebrated the potential “travel bubble” with NZ; there was consensus that Tassie should still be excluded (sorry Bitch Face)

Dumb just finished his 8th jelly shot – Nummy is concerned how pissed he is getting

Fascinator was commended for arranging for the heavy snow on Friday and stopping the retiree’s from doing the trail early.

Next week’s run – Midnight’s Daylight Savings Run, Slatey Creek Camp Ground. Lois Lane insisting that it’s her run, Rowdy is taking credit as he is setting it. The Drinks Stop will run all weekend. Access from Melbourne Road Creswick (near St Georges Lake)

 

Matthew Gibney

Admin

  · 17 h  · 

Ballarat HHH Run #2000

Two Thousand Monday nights, mainly in and around Ballarat, and Denis Faulkner, the venerable SS, has run nearly 1740 of them. He would have seen some changes. The Hash ethos of anti-establishment larrikinism, tight shorts and tighter shirts, mullets, full strength beer until the wee hours of the morning, driving home pissed, bus trips to strippers, running 10 -12 km at a time, the more shiggy the better, trying hard to short cut, and being lauded for finding (and stealing ) the drink stop has somehow morphed into a nanny state where the most important thing is whether you did the whole trail, and who dared to miss a section, make sure you sign the fucking book, and don’t dare upset the neighbours.

Progress.

Run # 2000, Hare Dimwit, from the FABULOUS Mullawallah Wetlands/Haddon Rail Trail, CoVid #24, Zoom # 26

A good roll up of athletes attended for the grand weekend; trail set on Friday and the slightly obsessive Bent Nose and BP managed again to be amongst the early birds. Lucky for them because the doorbell was not answered an hour or so later, nor intermittently over the weekend. Excellent trail was set by the hare, weather gods were kind, and the consensus was that of a good trail and generous drink stop. Zoom attendees included Dr Death, Spencer Hocking, SS, Nutcracker, Nutbush Clitty Licker, Rowdy, Dazed & Confused, Mrs Dickhead, Pauline, Lois Lane, Campaspe, Dimwit, Fascinator, Fang, Donuts, Dumb and Dumber, Num Num, Quick Dick, Head Hunter, Mountie, Bitch Face, and GILF.

Quickly, after a quorum was attained (and June had refilled SS’s red wine glass), fill in screw Mrs D took the microphone. She commented that she’d never screwed a PE teacher before, and then dove right in to the “Hallowed West” , a land of McMansions, tennis courts, big dogs, and unfortunately for BP, plenty of good places for trail. The word Mullawallah excited some, hearing NBCL annunciate it excited Nutcracker, and the dawning look of realization on her face explained why wetlands. No Winter swamp in that house.

Campaspe was excited by the snakes. “Fuck, Fuck, Fuck”, and lost trail. Again.

Dimwit presided over the dispensing of out of date Tshirts, multifunctional neck warmers, and warm beer.

Mrs D score the run on the “Beep Test” scale, noting that a little over 16 was perfection. Final score (mainly downgraded due to warm beer) was 5.7

S H I T T Y T R A I L

Significant Runs included Criss Cross 1010, Pauline 282, Head Hunter and Bent Nose both digit sum 13, and a few digit sum of 1. The total palindromic Day (vernal equinox) was noted.

Sergeant Quick Dick took the floor, and announced a pandemic miracle; - Dr Death appeared.

Less miraculous was D&D falling asleep during a joke. The commemorative Board looked fantastic, until someone (Mrs D) drew a big box in the middle. There was a photo of BP with her manbag, another of Lois and Mrs D looking like redback spiders. Campaspe’s trail map was turned to “Hash North’, and looked just like a giant thingy. She went over trail at least 3 times to emphasize it.

Charges from before the run. Fascinator for presenting his shirts only a year late. The Bombers emblem on the sleeve left all in no doubt that this was another Fuck Up. Pauline got jealous of his wife’s capacity to get pissed (two days running), and Lois countered by finding another inventive use for the multifunctional absorbent neck warmer.

Spence Hocking relayed a message from Exit in appreciation of all our wishes and tributes to Glider after his passing.

Next week’s run will be set by FOP, by Friday, at Twin Bridges near Daylesford. Drink stop to be manned early Sunday afternoon.

Dimwit finished the zoom by sharing a couple of jokes:

What is the opposite of a croissant? A happy uncle !

Who is Bruce Lee’s vegan brother? Broco Lee

ZOOM OUT.

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‎Jason Kelly‎ to Sovereign H3 - Members Only

1h · 

Run 1999; COVID Run 23; Normal and MasterBait: Kambei Japanese Restaurant

Set in the “Sensational South East”, Bait and Normal’s trail took us on a journey via Elsworth St, Joseph St, Lal Lal St, Lake Esmond and the Butt St industrial estate. Those who partook on Friday and Sunday were treated to glorious Spring weather (cheers R.A), whereas those unfortunate enough to tackle trail on Saturday ended up very, very wet (26mm of rain). With the inch of rain having washed away trail, a thoughtful member of our Hash community decided to mark their own OnOn… in the opposite direction to true trail and confusing a few of our early Sunday morning participants.

Zoom Circle # 25 was attended by: Spencer, Fop, Her Vag, SS, Bent, BP, NBCL, Nutcracker, Mrs D, Campaspee, DnC, Pebbles (who left early to watch the Pies), Dumb, Num, Bitch Face, Rowdy, Mountie, Fang, Donuts, Lois Lane, Pauline, Cris Cros, Fascinator, DimWit (late) and an upside down Normal (see pic)

Once again early conversation cantered on who had and hadn’t messaged DnC after completing the run. Those who said that they don’t have DnC’s phone number were told that her number is found almost anywhere in Ballarat everywhere, just like her remote and her credit card.

There was plenty of chat about the Ab-Normal view of Normal, upside down and in the dark. There were initial suggestions that he was in the Batcave and some even suggested that his shadowy face floating in the dark looked like Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody (see pic)

At 19:10 Donuts welcomed us to run 1999.. SniffyCunt runs: Mrs D 636 (or was it 626??), DnC 202 (Just like the Holden motor), Dim Wit 111 (still waiting to get “one”), Masterbait 1450

Even though there was only one Hare in attendance Bent began his Screw, and after 15 seconds was abruptly interrupted by Rowdy shouting “Collingwood’s kicked a goal! De Goey!”

Decorum was called for and Bent began again; Thursday was shorts weather and Bent set off to do the trail, but alas, trail wasn’t set until Friday afternoon. Subsequently Bent had to do the trail on Saturday, and to say it was bloody cold and wet was an understatement. The marking of trail was beautiful and included three different types of trail (see pic). The massive flowering rhododendron bush added points, as did Lake Esmond and its resident “Frankenduck”. In all a “Beautiful run”, however, being that it was not available earlier it scored the difference between Saturdays barometric pressure reading (980 hPa) and Thursday’s barometric pressure (1012 hPa) = -32hPa

At the conclusion of the screw Normal decided to turn on the light so we could see him, leading to the charge that he likes to get screwed in the dark.

Normal the charged whoever it was that changed the OnOn… Fang owned up

Mrs D said that no one paid attention to her PSA about the fake OnOn – most people heard her say “Penis” instead of “PSA” – and SS thought he’d need a prostate exam to have his PSA done.

Num charged Spencer, Dumb and Pebbles because they didn’t believe that she had found the true trail

Spencer told Fang to get off his drugs (were they the blue tablets?)

Mountie charged Normal for the mural of man with donuts sunglasses

Lois charged Normal for the owners of the restaurant cracking the shits and washing off the chalk names

Mountie charged DnC as a Holden 202 is just a bored out 186. (time for a resleeve??)

Cris Cross charged DnC as a Tour de France rider was described as “Dazed and Confused”

Lois charged BP and Dumb as wearing the Tour’s yellow jerseys (see pic)

Spencer asked Rowdy to update the footy score (Pies were down 7 – 19)

Mrs D charged Dumb for growing a Santa beard (if only he had more length)

Dim Wit had 2 jokes: “what do you call a caveman’s fart? (a blast from the past)” and “what do you call an espresso with a cold? (a cough-ee)”

BitchFace also had a joke “Father says to his son ‘Stop masturbating or you’ll end up going blind. Son replies ‘I’m over here Dad’”

Next week’s is run 2000, set by Dim Wit from 118 Remembrance Drive, it’ll be ready to go Friday 12pm

PMT are also inviting everyone to their run at 11am Sunday from the Koala Park (no Koalas but lots of Beavers)

New restrictions allow up to 10 people can do the run together.

‎Matthew Gibney‎ to Sovereign H3 - Members Only

11h · 

We gathered as a Hash Community on the day of Glider’s funeral to commemorate his passing, and to celebrate his legacy, and to get our shirts off.

Sergeant Quick Dick gently encouraged all zoom attendees to join him, and, one by one, most complied in stripping off. After all, if Glider was not embarrassed by his body, what did we have to worry about? It was, in a typical Hash way, a fitting tribute to a man who has been a part of our lives for many, many years.

His funeral service included a montage and narration from us overseen by Spencer Hocking, and consensus was it was a most appropriate and generous tribute to a good Hash Man.

On On Glider.

Stay strong Exit, we will catch up soon.

Run 1998, Zoom #24, CoVid #22, Hare Dazed & Confused from the Bunch of Grapes in the fabulous South.

Zoom attendees included: Spence, Rowdy, SS, Criss Cross, Campaspe, Nuts and Nuts and Nuts, Pauline, Lois, GILF, Bent, BP, Fluid Movement, D&C, Mrs D, Num, Dumb, Mountie, SJGreen (Bitch Face), Quick Dick, Head Hunter, Fanny skater, Dimwit, and Normal (briefly).

Chat before the formalities centred on Glider’s passing. Mention was also made of missed birthdays – Criss Cross (last week), and Fang (last month).

GM Donuts quickly passed the baton to the Screw, Bent Nose, who claimed he was redundant, then managed to talk for 15 of our 40 minute allocation.

The screw began by quoting facebook, and we know how reliable facebook is, don’t we!

Great trail x 5

Very Enjoyable, Awesome, Sensational

Very well set

Where’s the fucking chalk?

But pedantry persisted. Pleasant St South was argued about, but south of Sturt St it was. He enjoyed the alleyways and laneways, described trail through Redan to Sebastopol, where Christmas decorations were commented upon, then waxed lyrical about the sewerage pipe marking the entrance to his childhood haunts of Mt Pleasant.

Trail was well set, weather brilliant, countryside beautiful, and Ballarat Bertie painted on the wall.

Despite being first on the run (Wednesday, if you don’t mind) he complained that trail took in all of his old haunts bar one …….. but that’s only because he missed it, trail was set appropriately by the magnificent Max.

Score : one

Response : “That’s the only one I’ll get from him”

“I’d rather sleep with BP!”

“but like her arrows, she goes both ways”

Old joke: Ray, “Am I the only one you’ve had?”

Max “Yes Ray. But I’ve had a couple of sixes and one glorious eight”

Moving right along. Significant runs to Ratz arze 22, GILF 323, Teflon 212, Fang 838, and BHD, a non-palindromic 1090 (but a digit sum of one)

Sergeant Quick Dick then held the floor and began with a Roman numeral quiz. Criss Cross answered 10 minutes later, to say it made no sense. He was correct.

Mrs D was charged for scratching her pussy (obviously from the 70s), D&C was charged for stalking the runners in her car (and she only did the trail 7 times on foot). Bent’s George Pell collection was noted to have an update.

Before the Run: Nummy charged Dummy for his blue beard, Mountie charged Bitch Face for the ball in her throat (not the first time, but she’s never gagged previously), Fascinator put Mountie on speakerphone because she MUST have rung for Her Fanny’s birthday, and D&C was charged for her hard core markings.

From the Run: Nutcracker for not knowing what direction was what. Normal for not wanting to boast, but then proceeding to explain every marathon in detail. Comment was made he looked more like a Russian shotputter than a marathon runner. D&C for losing her remote control, but BONUS, the guy came twice.

After the Run: Lois charged Spence for sending out the contact list last week, then asking for Pauline’s phone number.

We all sang “happy birthday’ to Fang, who looked nonplussed.

A few old Viagra/Niagra jokes were trotted out, then Lois announced that the latest Hash haberdashery was available from Spartacus. Despite the recent contact list, that was beyond some of us.

Next week’s Run is to be set by Bait and Normal from the corner of Lal Lal St and Main Road, in the fabulous South East/ Poverty Point / Mt Pleasant vicinity.

And, ON ON Glider.

“He tried to go to Heaven, but he went the other way”