Jason Kelly

Admin

  · 8 m  · 

Run # 2009; COVID run # 33; Nov 23rd 2020. Pus Bucket from Nuggety Dam.

After two dozen days of double donuts we are back! A contingent of 34 Hashers assembled for our first proper hash run since March 16th. 14 runners (mostly Hash Tarts according to Mountie), a dozen walkers and plenty of barflies and latecomers all took in serenity of Nuggety Dam. Trail headed south into the Nerrina forest, past the electricity towers and returned up the hill to the drinks stop at the dam. The DS had cold drinks, lollies and 9 months’ worth of catch up conversations. Evil was also on hand showing off her stick retrieval and swimming skills.

Back at the hash circle Head Hunter tried to call reverence and, with little response from the crowd, asked Spencer to mute everyone (one of the few good things about Zoom meetings).

Donuts then welcomed back Silic, Big Dog Half a Bar and then introduced our new runner, Suzy Q.  this is your down down song

Th singing in unison was so enjoyable that song sheets containing Pus Bucket’s new national COVID anthem was passed around for a rousing rendition (see uploaded video, and thank god we’re not singing on Zoom anymore!)

Bent Nose then attempted his first Hash Screw without the use of audio-visual assistance... “Fabulous North-East, but not Mt Pleasant. Included a novel up and down track and plenty of long grass, thank God the weather was overcast otherwise it would have been snake-ridden. A circuitous route through the old gold tailings the inspired a golden score of 97” (Bent said that 97 was the price of gold, which is actually $2,460 per oz?? Maybe he meant a score of 79, which is the atomic number of gold?)  Shitty trail

SniffyCunt runs this week included: Silic 939 (pallendromic), Bent 1390 (Dig sum of root 169), Susie Q 1 (root of herself)

The significant runners we joined by those who had achieved milestone runs during the lockdown; Teflon 200, Num 600, BP, Normal and Dumb all 1200 and SS 1700.  Get a life

Sergeant Quick Dick took the floor, renamed this run PC1 (post COVID 1), and pre-charges included the following:

Spencer – Lost his job as Zoom coordinator

BHD – Looks less rootable without a mask on

All the pre-menopausal hash tarts (Susie Q, Wee Problem…)

Fascinator – The dirty BBQ caused a new pandemic (Dumb took a drink in his absence)

 Dumb Ass, Dumb Ass

Birthday charges for Nummy and Plucka were joined by significant birthdays during lockdown; Head Hunter (50), Teflon (60) and both Fang and Dumb (70)  Hashy Birthday

Charges before the run:

Masterbait – took out a tree with his car

Nummy charged Evil for all the domestic pets he’s killed over the pandemic (her poor pussy)

Rowdy charged DnC who hadn’t realised it had rained last night

Campaspee – she took her mask on the run

 Down down down your drink

NBCL – Asking an old lady to check for trail  B.I.M.B.O

Mrs D – Holding onto a blackberry vine while she shimmied across the log over the water

Pauline – Didn’t realise how tall he was and ran into a branch

Quick Dick – Lost his lead out of his pencil on the run

 Give it a blow

Teflon and GILF then arrived late – both significant runs – Teflon 222 and GILF 333 = 555 couple runs

Spencer then asked Susie Q “Who made you cum?”.. She’s been hashing since she was a baby but hasn’t run for 13 years. Her Mum hashes in Borneo and her Dad has hashed for 50 years.

 She’s alright

Tommy Half a Bar then told a joke about the teacher taking the class on a trip to the races – She was helping the little boys in the urinal and noticed one was better endowed than the others. “You must be in one of the higher grades?” she asked. He replied, “Um, No… I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.”

We then disbanded the circle and partook in the first hash feast in 9 months. Beautiful home cooked chilli con carne on bread rolls with slaw for main course and profiteroles for dessert (thanks Mountie!!).

Beer and conversations continued well into the night. It was great to be back!!

Next week’s run: Rowdy from the other side of 5 ways

 

Matthew Gibney

Sovereign H3 - Members Only

tS1up2oinslorhled  · 

Ballarat HHH Run #2008, CoVid #32, Zoom #34, Double Donuts Day 17

Hare: Donuts, from the end of the bitumen.

Theme: Donuts and pi.

Zoom Attendees: DNC, Mrs D, Spence, SS (and extraordinarily cute granddaughter), Nutcracker, NBCL, Bent Nose, BP, Donuts, Pauline, Lois, Fascinator, Num Num, Dumb and Dumber, (ex GM) SJ Green, Campaspee, Quick Dick, Head Hunter, Mountie, Fang.

The issue of gender identity was discussed, and, to be fair, being a clitty licker still leaves you with most options open*. The brazenly loving feed from Soldiers Hill left little to the imagination, and whether he was just cold, or dressed up as Danni Laidley, Hugh Hefner, Chewbacca, or the Abominable Snowman matters little, and good luck to the two of them.

DNC, zooming from elsewhere, seemed to have her nose out of joint for some reason.

Anyway, to Donuts.

40 runners ran the trail, Rowena was a new runner, with no welcomes back.

Significant numbers were astounding. And that does not include 17 (the number of cases in Adelaide, AND the number of double donut days in Victoria) nor 290 (Biden’s current electoral college voting number).

Wee Problem 22, NBCL 44, BP 1212 (the Jabberwocky number), and someone 575.

The date today has a digit sum of the square root of 169, as did Nuts, SS, and Spence, but more astounding………….

Nuts plus NBCL = 201, Dumb plus Num = 1850, and Bent plus BP = 2601

Spence was thanked for his mathematical virtuosity.

Bent Nose tried to rise to the mathematical challenge and commenced his screw with an attempt at the formula for a torus**. He fucked it up at the very basic level, confusing his donuts with his pi, his radius with his diameter, and was as befuddled as NBCL in the bedroom. The rest of the screw was downhill. He mentioned shiggy, and trees, and tracks and trees, paths and trees, but his heart wasn’t in it. Apparently, the DS was excellent.

25.14

S H I G G Y T R A I L (discordantly)

Charges began: “Don’t mention the Rugby”, and no one mentioned Collingwood.

QD had nothing.

Jitterbug with Mrs D missed the start of the trail, despite the run being “from the end of the bitumen on State Forest Rd”. I’m not sure which of “end”, or “bitumen,’ or “road” they didn’t understand. Teachers.

Mrs D noted that Mountie was less stressed tonight than during the week, Teflon was charged for being concerned as to the where abouts of his wife; Pauline and Lois were charged for their extended stay at the drink stop.

BF SJGreen charged herself – “The bitches got rid of me @ PMT Hash”. (Congratulations KFC). Donuts was charged for not attending PMT Hash. And Clitty Licker was charged for stealing a stubby holder from the drink stop. He didn’t look in the least concerned.

Does he have a moral compass??

A few attempts at jokes in the absence of Dim Wit made us long for his return.

Next weeks run could be on Monday night from Nuggetty Dam, with Pus Bucket as the hare and host. If so, most likely a bonfire and BBQ, please BYO glasses for down downs, and as always details to be confirmed later in the week.

*in LGBTQIA parlance, only the G is excluded from clitty licking, and LQGBTIA does not include most of the readers of this missive

**In geometry, a torus (plural tori) is a surface of revolution generated by revolving a circle in three-dimensional space about an axis that is coplanar with the circle. If the axis of revolution does not touch the circle, the surface has a ring shape (ie a donut shape) and is called a torus of revolution.

 

Matthew Gibney

Admin

  · 1ts3dSSponsohmred  · 

Ballarat HHH Run 2007, Zoom #33, Covid #31

Hares Head Hunter and Quick Dick from the Fabulous East with fabulous weather and fabulous drink stops. We expect no less, but well done, youse two.

The pre formal bullshit centred on Biden=Harris, and Trump, and CoVid, Gassa, and, for some reason “mathematical numbers”. We do have to go with the lowest common denominator.

Zoom attendees included Spencer Hocking, DNC, Fang, Mrs D, Pauline, Lois, Mountie (and a very young SNAG), BP, Bent, Campaspee, Donuts, Rowdy, Num, Dumb, Dim Wit, Fannyscator, Nutcracker, NBCL, and The BF from the South.

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Remembrance Day approaches, and with the recent passing of Alistair Clarke (husband of Sorry), the Circle quietened, and heard Lois recite the Ballarat Hash ‘Ode to the Fallen’. Sadly numbers are increasing too quickly.

Midnight, Russel Up The Publican, Arso, Crunt, Heavy, Half a Bra, Big Balls, Pussy, Glider, and Alistair.

“We shall remember them. On On.”

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Significant Runs included Campaspee 50 (YAY), Nummy (the Mazda) 626, and Mrs D still not letting go, being the digit sum of the square root of 100 more than the number representing a consensual bilingual oral sex.

The same number appeared in the weekend quiz of the left wing State paper, and Half a Bar suggested it was the only question he answered correctly. Spencer Hocking visibly teared up, and confessed that IN 35 YEARS OF TEACHING, THIS WAS HIS MOST MEMORABLE BREAKTHROUGH.

Well done Spence!! Keep fighting the good fight.

The Screw commenced without a target, but that has never happened before, has it?

Bent Nose commenced the screw by saying the run started at the start; excellent marking from Russell Square, let down by less than excellent marking further in. All athletes crossed the photogenic bridge, then it was all down hill to the Eastern Banjo Frog, identified by app, who migrated all the way from Barkstead (“ where the Piggies squeal”). Trail then proceeded past the pub, which was too much of a temptation for some of the feminine tarts amongst us.

The Screw noted that there was a Rear Entry to the drink stop, and that the chickens had eventually been all safely locked away. Somehow the run needed a tree feller, so to be sure to be sure tree plus tree is the score.

6

“Excellent”

S H I T T Y T R A I L

The Sergeant (also the Hare) condescended to log in towards the end of the screw. He then charged Fang for not finding his way out of the car park at the start of the run.

The “Blue Rinse Brigade” were charged with turning up early, then Fascinator for asking if the DS was open 2.5 hours after its published closing. It was open.

Mrs D, all ready to fill in for the Sergeant, had charges for the Mounting Queen, BF for letting her borders down, Fascinator for an excellent job as RA, and Pauline for the root he knew was coming tonight (happy birthday).

From the Run – well really, Miscellaneous – Fascinator charged QD for confusing his Zoom meetings, Nutsy caught Num and Dumb in Bunnings picking up a “bargain” pool cleaner, heavily discounted to $35, then $25 at the checkout, only to find it took 3 hours to assemble, and then failed to work.

DNC continues her chandelier classes, almost breaking through the ring of steel, but no closer to finishing. Then she was pushed into danger on the run by the GM:

“You go ahead, there might be snakes in the bush”

“There’s no bush there” (from Nutcracker, who may actually know)

“OK, scrub”

“Looks like it needs weed and feed” !?!

NEXT WEEK’S RUN: DONUTS from the end of the bitumen on State Forest Road. Should be FUCKING FANTASTIC.

 

Jason Kelly

Admin

  · 1t9Spnosnsoreoedhc  · 

Run # 2006, COVID run # 30; Dr Death – Scottsburn

The Derby Day weekend was our first “Double Donuts” weekend since February. Still under the current “Third Step” restrictions, groups of less than 10 headed out to Dr Death’s farm at Scottsburn for a soggy and “shitty” run through the paddocks. Dr Death was on hand with his drinks cart and treated the willing participants to a true “Gourmet BBQ”.

Hash Zoom Circle # 32 was attended by Spence, S.S., Fop, Her Vag, Bent, BP, Teflon, GILF, Mountie, Pauline, Lois, DnC (at home for a change), Donuts, DimWit, Bitch Face, Nutsy (late), NBCL + young bucks, (DnC wasn’t invited) and Pus Bucket

DnC was busily writing down all the attendees, when asked why she just didn’t copy the blog she responded “I can’t be bothered reading through all Fop’s Bull Shit!”. She then went on to assure everyone that "Number 9 will win the Melb Cup, no idea what it’s called, it’ll just win”

Campaspee was asked if she’d had any encounters with snakes this weekend, “That’s a bit personal”

We reflected on the passing of Sean Connery and thought that our GM was Dr No GM; he says “No” to everything

There were then comments about Dr Death drinking champagne at 10am still going at 5pm, the fact that trail wasn’t fully set for the retirees, Mrs D was covered in shit, DnC lost her shoe, Lois was stampeded by cattle…. Bent (Screw) finally interjected and told everyone to stop stealing his thunder.

Our GM called for order and asked DnC for SniffyCunt runs:

Quick Dick – 141; Dumb – 1221; Nutsy - 155 (none were in attendance)

Spence chimed in with more:

Bent - 1387 13+87=100

Head hunter - 144 and Pauline – 288 were doubles of each other

Campaspee - 49 and Nummy - 625 were the digit sum of the square root of 169

Bent began his Screw – “¾ of my content has already spoken about, the OnOn was the only trail marked. Dr must only be an apprentice farmer as the grass was too long and he’d lost all his cattle. Whilst the trail was shitty the on after was terrific and Johnny Get Angry won the Derby". Final score was 55.586km/h (Johnny Get Angry’s average speed to win the Derby)

Stand in Sergeant, Lois Lane, took the floor are charges included:

Campaspee was charged as the high grass up to her knees made her worry about snakes (the same grass only went up to Pauline and Lois’ ankles)

Campaspee rebounded that the wet grass was actually up to her waist, Lois said “that’s the definition of a wet tickler”

Pauline charged Dr Death; when Dr Death handed him the spray paint can to remark some trail the can was still full

Mountie charged Spider for having low pants

Mountie charged DimWit; he went through all the shiggy so Mountie and Pebbles keep their shoes dry

DnC rebounded that she’d followed Mountie the next and still lost her shoe in the mud.

The Brokeback Mountain cowboys, Spartacus and Pus Bucket, slept in the same sleeping bag

Lois ask GILF what USA election colour are you? “Orange”

Dounts was charged for two “Double Donuts” Mondays in a row

Donuts commented that the “$64 Grandmaster wine” is worth more than the NZ GDP

Teflon acknowledged Pauline and Lois as Bledisloe Cup winners

Then Nusty (who arrived late) showed us a pic of a youthful NBCL

We all then had a drink in memory of Glider who would always organise our Melbourne Cup nights.

DimWit’s joke … What do you call angry Germans? … "SourKrauts"

… and… What’s the big brown and goes up and down? … "a Māori in an elevator"

Next week’s Hare is Head Hunter, venue is TBA.

As we have had 4 consecutive days of zero cases we are edging closer to “Last Step - coronavirus roadmap for reopening” that is triggered after 14 days consecutive days of zero cases. Under “Last Step” restrictions we will be able to have up to 50 people gather outdoors, this can be kept in mind when arranging upcoming runs.