Matthew Gibney

Admin · 1h

Ballarat HHH Run #1992, Zoom #18, Corona #16
Hares Spencer Hocking and Ratz Arse
Christmas in July
Spence’s Sensational Sunny Celebration Run
What is not to like? Perfect still sunny weather, dappled light filtering through the canopy onto the green undergrowth, trail set in Christmas trees (and horse shit) along single tracks, fire trails and some bush bashing, and shiggy. Convivial camp for the well stocked drink stop with good conversation, a range of sausages, drinks, single serve cheezles and chips, also lollies. And, as our esteemed screw pointed out, we were IN THE BUSH.
Zoom attendees included Rowdy, Spence, Pebbles, SS, Mrs D, Campaspee, Teflon, GILF, Do Nuts, Nummy, Dum, Pauline, Lois, Beer Fuck, NBCL, Nutcracker with protegee Jess, Mountie, Bent, BP, Fang, Dimwit, Bitch Face and the top of Trench’s head.
The usual bullshit preceded formalities, where it was noted that DoNuts was back, again without Drambuie, this time from a trip to Victoria. Noted also that the Nuts’ were pissed, but happy.
No sniffys were announced; DoNuts neglected to give himself a Welcomes Back.
The smooth flow of events was interrupted while Fang had an epileptic fit off camera which lasted a few minutes. Bent eventually held the floor, talking in tongues (? Clitty Licker’s speciality) and commenting on Woowookarung as the correct name for the Mt Clear bush. He decided it meant “Black Fellas” Camp, and thought he saw Uncle Jack Charles nearby.
“Blissful, beautiful, not a fuck up to be seen, more downhill than up, well provided shiggy, and enough Bush to give Rowdy and Mountie wet nickers. Smoking trees and grass trees, and Christmas trees as trail”. About now Bitch Face logged in and announced “You can start again just for me”. I reckon she may have said that before.
To continue; lovely rolling paddocks to the East, sensational views over Ballarat from the lookout, and the obligatory motor vehicle noise to stuff it up. This time a Richmond supporter yelling out “Santa, ya c*nt, where’s me Fucken’ bike?” Excellent drink stop with mulled wine a definite hit, and a score of 10010 . SHITTY TRAIL was again discordant.
Not many Committee members present, so numerous fill ins (including the scribe)
Charges from before the run. DoNuts for coming back from Big Desert, Little Desert, Sunset Desert, Spence for failing to ask permission to set trail, and having to explain to the ranger what he was up to. BF#3 for logging in from Kalgoorlie, Hay St I believe.
The Clitty Licker wore new shoes, looked as if he would fail to acknowledge the charge, but returned from the fridge with 3 bottles of champagne, said shoe, and beer to pour into it. He skulled very willingly, impressing the hatted Cat next to him no end.
Campaspee finished the run for the second week in a row without getting lost, BF Pauline had trouble negotiating the narrow bridge, but managed to spot and record some unusual bird life. Teflon noted Spence channeling Kenny Rogers (even though he was also channeling Uncle Jack).
Nut Cracker tried to charge Nut Bush Cutty Fuck, but was a bit muddled. The late Jeffrey Epstein’s resemblance to Cutty Fuck was remarked upon, which led all watching to muse over the role of Ghislaine and poor Jess in the middle.
Next week sees Bad Hair Day set a run from the vicinity of the Sovereign Hill Lookout, with a manned drink stop on Saturday afternoon. As always, more details to follow.
Dimwit finished with his Vegan with diarrhoea one liner.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 15h

Ballarat HHH Run 1991, Corona #15, Zoom #17, Monday July 20,2020.

Hares GILF and Teflon.

Important Facts. Drambuie exists. Mountie survived her weekend. Dimwit fell asleep at the Zoom, Bent Nose is on a Promise (note the capital). Teflon and GILF have another "Shit Hot Run" nomination.

Teflon and GILF set a wonderful Run, enjoyed by all, IN THE BUSH. One advantage of the Corona is that we are no longer limited by sunlight with our trail settings, and Spence has leapt with alacrity onto the bandwagon for next weeks' adventure.

Zoom attendees: Spence, Nuts Bush and Cracker, Pauline and Lois, Rowdy, Campaspee, Bent & BP, SS, Dimwit, D & C, Num & Dum, Quick Dick, Normal, Drambuie, Mountie, Fuckin ate 'er, FANG.

We also have a new entry in the post; Apologies !! WTF ??

FLOP, Her Vag, Teflon, and 80 others.

Welcomes Back I will accept. Drambuie, also Dimwit.

During the chit chat waiting for late comers, Lois mentioned she would like confirmation of sizes. D&D relied , quick as a flash, "8 inches", only to be deflated when Drambuie logged on. Everything is relative, Headen. Lois also mention a sniffy c*nt birthday (? literally) with BP 69, only to find she is a year out. So Bent gets the 68 ("Give me a head job and I'll owe you one"). No wonder he was smiling.

He continued to smile throughout the screw, initially hareless until GILF logged in. Cold, Freezing, ambient temperature matched his initial score at 1.8. After that things improved. Up Alkera, right into the bush before wandering across the road below the water towers, then on on towards the Nerrina tip. From there things apparently become "pleasanter".

More pleasant, please, pedant.

Plenty of shiggy and hills resulted in the perfect Hash trail. Plusses included the Moroccan Sweet Potato Soup at the drink stop, negatives the motorcyclists channelling Do Nuts and Drambuie.

Overall score (-) 98.8 decibels.

Dimwit was woken up to take her away. "Where do I take her?" was answered with SHITTY TRAIL.

Spence then took over in the absence of any other leadership.

SNIFFY Runs: 919 Lois, 11 Just Cum, 415 Flop, 127 QD, 271 Plucka, 316 GILF.

Bent thought they all added up to a digit sum of 9. I think he retired at just the right time.

Further SNIFFYs, Mountie 1260, Her Vag 160, Nut Cracker 140, Head Hunter 130, Wee Problem 10 (and yes, the all end in "0")

At last the Sergeant, Quick Dick, got to have a go. Mountie's weekend of hedonism, debauchery, and chundering was mentioned. Her swimming in puddles was not acknowledged.

D&D was charged for admitting to feeding the chooks for the last 15 years.

From the Run: Lois charged Teflon for trying to kill the pack at the Alkera Rd crossing, Mountie accused Nutcracker of photobombing, and orchestrating, all of the Clitty Licker's facebook posts. Dumb mentioned he was in the habit of falling asleep after arriving home from work. He had to be reminded that he hasn't worked for a number of years......

Next weeks Run is Christmas in July, Fancy Dress Christmas theme mandatory, Set by Spence in the Mt Clear Bush. Details to follow.

After a quick "Hash Gear Check", failed by SS, Campaspee, and Dumb, Nutcracker was commended for her post coital glow, post birthday. Trust you had a good one, Clitty Licker !

To finish, SS gave an update on Glider; "Doing well", recently visited from interstate by family, finished his latest chemo, and the recipient of a new bed and chair, both most comfortable.

Our thoughts remain with you, Kevin.

‎Jason Kelly‎ to Sovereign H3 - Members Only

5 hrs · 

Run 1990, Zoom#16, COVID #14, Monday 13th July 2020, Hare Bent Nose – from the rotunda near the fountain at the lake

We are often reminded that Bent Nose and Normal have run 21 marathons between. It would appear that Bent was inspired by marathons when setting this week's 9km trek. This trail took in areas of the lake, the gardens, Alfredton and Vic Park, before arriving at the residence of Bent and BP. The Hashers who survived the journey were treated to a variety of warm food and cold beverages, all whilst adhering to strict social distancing measures.

Joining this week’s Zoom circle were Spencer, Fop, Nutsy, NBCL, Mrs D, Bent, BP, Teflon, GILF, Fascinator, SS, DnC, Rowdy, Num, Dumb, Donuts, Mountie, Campaspee, BeerFuck, Pauline and Lois Lane, though Lois Lane assumed an alter ego called “OnOn” (Lois had confused the “Password field” with the “Display name” field).

This sparked a conversation about how to change the user’s name on Zoom and Fascinator was more concerned as to how to change it back again; apparently he has a business meeting this week and doesn’t want to be called “Fascinator” by his business associates. Lois then told the story of Pauline, who last week had a Zoom meeting with old Armed Forces colleagues only to find his background was still the naked pic of SS (see last week’s post). It was even funnier that Pauline didn’t know how to change it. We hope he has learned his lesson as this week their background was an old pic of BP and Spencer, a stark contrast to Spencer's wild and wooly look that he is rocking today (see pic).

Both DnC and Nutcracker came prepared to prevent the spread of COVID-19, donning full faced masked. While NBCL donned his special beer goggles, which complemented his beautiful ferret skinned jacket (see pic).

At 7:10pm Donuts called for order and asked D&C for "SniffyCunt runs": DimWit "either 99, 100 or 101" (DimWit please clarify), FOP 414, Pauline 272, Campaspee 33. (all palindromic)

DoNuts chose against appointing a substitute Screw as he had always wanted to tell Bent nose to “Go screw yourself”. Bent began his own screw with the Olympics motto, “Citius, Altius, Fortius” (faster, higher, stronger), and the asked what was Latin for “Amplest” (“Amplius”??).

He then amused himself reflecting on the feedback about the trail length, especially that certain hashers (Campasee) made the trail even longer by getting lost. There was only the single on back which was avoided by Mountie and Just Cum who shortcutted across the High School oval only to find themselves ankle deep in a mire. Bent then ironically thanked the R.A. (Fascinator), as Bent has now set two recent runs and the rain has ruined both of them. Despite the inclement weather, Bent thought his trail was worthy of the grand score of 6.022 x 10²³ (Avogadro’s constant). As we still do not know the scale these scores fall on Mountie suggested using the Beaufort scale (wind force scale – Bent is full of it)

In the absence of a Sergeant charges were just thrown about randomly and included the following:

Wee Problem’s friend was heard to say that she saw “Bent’s little thingy” out the front (apparently it has a kink in the middle)

Campaspee asked about the “improved trail” on Sunday; “it was drier, and no one got lost on it”. D&C objected as she had lost her way twice, if it wasn’t for Nutcracker she would still be out there.

Bent charged Campaspee for living up to her namesake “meandered through the mud”. This was reaffirmed by Num and Dumb who had started 10 minutes after her, arrived at the drinks stop 10 min before her and had never overtaking her.

Campaspee was warned of the dangers of being lost in Vic Park, which led to a Spencer Hocking charge and a suggestion that there ought be a Spencer Hocking statue erected there

GILF asked Spencer if he was trying to grow his hair like the old days and get suspended from school, back then they were rebels before their time. D&C reminisced about her rebellious days and getting suspended for having tips (tits) in her hair – Donuts lamented that he hasn’t had “tits in his hair for years”

Mrs D charged Fascinator for the lock down in Melb and forcing people to buy in Ballarat, and Mountie charge “Poor Fascinator” who couldn’t do the run because he worked all weekend. (Mountie also worked all weekend and still managed to run)

Nutcracker charged Bent as she had been on a non-fasting day only to see Bent dressed in Lycra, subsequently losing her appetite.

Time was then running out…

Next Week’s Run: Teflon and GILF

On on from the bus shelter on the corner of Taylor Court and Alkera Road, Invermay.

Drink stop 1pm to 5pm on Saturday and Sunday.

5 people only at the drinks stop and please pop $5 in the tin

Jason Kelly

Admin · 1 hr

Run 1989, Zoom#15, CoVid #13, Monday 6 July 2020, Hare Mrs Dickhead's run from the Sovereign Hill Lookout (Apologies for the delayed post)

Approximately 35 Hashers set off between 2pm and 4pm from the Magpie St entrance of the Sovereign Hill accommodation. The 5.4km trail looped around past Sovereign Hill, the Gold Museum and Llanberris before returning up past the Golden Point school and the Observatory. The drinks stop was a treat of chips and cold beverages situated at the rotunda atop the Sovereign Hill Lookout.

The 4pm exodus from the drink stop coincided with Dan Andrews announcing the hard lockdown of the Melbourne accommodation towers. I think our Premier then consulted Punxsutawney Phil and, having seen his shadow, announced 6 more weeks of lockdown for our friends down the highway. This rise in community COVID-19 brought about a return to the weekly Zoom Hash Circle

Zoom meeting was an intimate affair with only Spence, SS, Vibes, Bent, BP, Rowdy, D&C, Donuts, Fascinator, Num, Dumb, Fop, Her Vag, Campaspe, Pauline, Lois, Teflon, GILF and Fang signing in. The reduced numbers allowed for more open chats, and the gathering started with updates from Spence and SS about the health challenges facing Glider, Fang and The Bill’s wife. Our thoughts are with these elders of our Hash and we are sending all our love and support.❤️

Early discussions about the lockdown had Bent Nose reveal that he’d just lost his third holiday deposit of the winter, then Lois Lane lightened the mood with a Zoom background showing SS’s naked bum. At one stage she even managed to disappear all the way up his holiest of holes! (see pic)

As there was no Hare, no Sergeant and no Choir Master the evening was chaotic early. There was, however, the ever-reliable Screw and at 7:20 order was called for and Bent Nose took the floor.

The screw began with the lament at the lack of a hare, and thus an amount of the screwing was directed towards the Hare’s assistant, Lois Lane. Bent said the run was given an “E” rating before he had even started due to the crappy weather (once again! Lift your game R.A.). He then praised the location calling the Mt Pleasant / Golden Point region “Gods own country” but was disappointed that trail didn’t take him past his old primary school. He laughed at Lois who had failed to observe the Observatory; “It’s that big building with the domed roof!”. Points were deducted for trail crossing the Ballarat Harriers race that was being run simultaneously and re-added for the inclusion of exercise equipment (see pic). There was confusing trail pointing directly at a tree (see pic) and a giant horse’s arse which reminded him of a fellow Hasher (see pic). The final score for the run was a credibly e⁻¹ (one for the natural logarithm fans)

D&C was then called upon to announce “Sniffycunt runs” – SS 1721st run (which is remarkable being his 1700th run was last week!). Also mentioned were Bait 1444, Mrs D 626 and Just cum 10 (which Spencer somehow thought was the square root of 1??)

By now we were running out of Zoom time, so charges from the floor were called for:

BHD was charged in absentia as he has documented every Hash committee dating back to 1996

Bent was charged for his “hareless screw” (first in many years). Bent rebounded this to Pauline as he is very familiar with hareless screws. (Bent’s intimate knowledge of his sister-in-law’s glabrous parts is somewhat disturbing)

GILF was charged for 4thof July and Spence was charged for his old long haired photo (Hubba Hubba)

Num found a dead and shrivelled possum on the run, the only thing that hadn’t shrivelled was its balls. And Campaspee was charged for turning a 5km trail into 7.5km run. This was rebounded to Teflon who ended up doing the Harriers race circuit 3 times.

The evening finish with a joke…..

Q. What’s the difference between light and hard

A. It’s possible to sleep with the light on

Next week – Bent and BP

Venue: the rotunda near the fountain at the lake

Note: The drink stop will enforce 5 people maximum

Daryl Turner

Admin · 2 hrs

Run 1988 - Covid run 12
With Zoom circle 14
In Fops absence the GM forgot to appoint a scribe (l may have f'ked up) 🤣 so I'll do my best but "Do Not" recall all details, so feel free to fill in any blanks.
Must admit it was nice to have an "almost" normal hash circle for the first time in 3 months but as Vic has recently had several spikes l feel the responsible thing will be to continue with our covid runs and zoom for the next few weeks then evaluate moving forward.

Our hares Just Cum and Wee Problem set a very enjoyable run south of GC's with the drink stop back at the venue.
With meals ordered prior to run a seated Hash circle was brought to order by the choir master the GM welcomed all back including new runner Erin then announced the nights significant runs. The most significant run being SS with 1700 runs (a pure example of dedication) well done SS. Dim Wit 100 runs, Normal 1150 runs and Teflon 200 runs. As the ex GM had organised significant run shirts in advance (he didn't f'ck up this time) he asked me to present in his absence.
SS 1700 runs
Rowdy 1200 runs
Lois Lane 900 runs
Mrs D 400 runs
BP 1200 runs
Fang 800 runs
Glider 700? runs
Dumb and Dumber 1200 runs
Nummy 600 runs
Apologies if I've missed anyone.
GM then presented "Year of the Do Not" shirts to the committee and called on the screw Bent Nose (zooming) to screw the hares.
Bent gave both a long slow screw but I'll need him to fill in the details 🙂 they received a score of 5 each giving them a total score of 55.
The Sergeant then called for charges. Do not know what they all were so need Quick Dick to fill in blanks 🙃.
In Fascinators absence the GM then presented the awards from previous year.
First award was Fascinators own award "l may have F'cked Up award" winner being Half a Bar.
Other winners:
Shit house run of the year - Nutcracker and D&C
Spectacle of the year - Shafted
Piss Pot of the year - Pauline
Tight arse of the year - Dr Death
Pot Calling the Kettle Black - Chris Cross
Ah So award - Spencer Hocking
Shit Hot run of the year- Glider.
Congrats to the winners.
As the meals arrived the trail master announced next weeks run is Mrs D from the Sovereign Hill Hotel entry (also the road up to the lookout) in Magpie St. Run will be set on Friday. Drink stop 2-4pm Saturday.
On On 👣