Matthew Gibney

Admin · 22 hrs

Run 1955, Hares Exit and Glider from the City Oval Hotel.

Another glorious day. Another Daylight Savings run from the middle of town.

Why????

Caboose and Rainbow joined a throng of locals from the City Oval Hotel for Glider's now traditional run - set from the pub, with a twist! Once the lack of leadership, or back up leadership, or any responsibility was digested, Spencer Hocking stepped up yet again to take control of the milling crowd, introduce visitors, and allow Glider to present his carefully sealed mystery envelopes, to Rainbow, Plucka, and Caboose.

First clue involved cowboys and Indians, so off to the Western we went, then the hint of wine led us to the Grapes, before the dramatic twist was revealed. FOLLOW TRAIL! What a novelty! Trail was set with Glider's walking stick, so was easily tracked back to the drink stop at the yacht club in time to watch a beautiful still sunset over Lake Wendouree, accompanied by various beers, chips, & snakes, with Squizzy and The Bill topless in a wonderful tribute to the man Glider once was.

Back at the pub we settled outside on the Mair St footpath for the circle. First up were Caboose and Rainbow (U G L Y...), then Dimwit, BP, Bar Liqueur, Plucka, NBCL, Shazza, GILF for welcomes back (They're the meanest..)

Shafted screwed the run dutifully, then serenaded all with his Petula Clark impersonation, verse and chorus, of "Don't run in your T shirt, Glider, Don't run in the pouring rai-ai-ain....". Those old enough to remember the song, and young enough to remember the song, joined in. SHITTY TRAIL.

Shafted was given a drink for his effort (this is your Down Down song).

Mountie. 1955. Birth of Paul Kelly, Wilbur Wilde, Precious, Spartacus, Spencer Hocking, Lois Lane, and Pebbles (Here's to these old C*nts)

The Nutcracker opened in NY, McDonalds opened in OZ, and D&C joined in as the Lady and the Tramp. (oh, the wiggle of her arse... )

Bitch Face (husband Big Dog) and Rainbow got the Tasmanian relatives charge (20 toes)

Bar Liqueur styled her wonderfully different haircut, suitable for all occasions, while Caboose, with English and Springbock roots, was made to celebrate the Rugby world cup results with all of the Kiwis looking pissed off and threatening. (Build a Bonfire... Kiwis)

Rowdy called Pus Bucket and Spartacus to account 22 years after their 'bodies in a truck' fiasco, then showed off his new phone app which correctly identified faceplant from a photo. Exit joined them for her winning Bendigo Show bread entry, and Mountie for being elevated to the Senior Scientist status at work.

Squizzy was accused of giving his vegan date Her Peas, and then took a drink with the Bill for their shirtless drink stop.

Teflon and BHD had eponymous shirts on, Rowdy gave the shirt off his back to his long lost brother Caboose (only their mother could tell them apart), Dimwit asked what we would call a rooster with fleas, and next week you can all give Shafted $50 to ride like a girl. We think the run may start at 1800 hours, possibly from the carpark across the road from the Karova Lounge, and possibly from somewhere else.

Meals were generous and tasty.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 22 October at 20:53

Run 1954 Hare Spencer Hocking, from the Den at the City Oval.

Doctor Death Dodges His Duty

Penned in on the runsheet as a Dr Death run, the Hash arrived full of fervour to the City Oval to find Shafted in flustered attendance, the nominal hare missing up north impersonating Walter White, and floor so sticky that the stools were stuck in place. "Not my fault" said Shafted; "Not my fault" said the wonderful and familiar bar help who really knew how to roll a Coopers stubby before breaking the seal; "Not my fault" said the absent Trail Master to the absent Grand Master.

Luckily amidst all the denial Spencer Hocking stood up and made a silk purse from a sow's ear, set the run, hosted the drinkstop, arranged the finest spring day for many a year, and rode the trail on his clown bike.

Mr Quick Dick had an audition for the GM job next year, and was left three lengths behind at the gate when he asked for "Hash Hush". WTF??

Welcomes back were largely self reported: Dame Edna, Chriss Cross, Road Runner, Fang, Sillic Unt, and Big Dog. Then the run commenced, a splendid Spencer spiral which had all guessing until we fell into his back yard for the drink stop, and were mesmerised by his dear wife Rat's Arse who was on to her 3rd generous Chardonnay in half an hour. Now that's a life style.

The circle commenced with down downs for the welcomes back ("Nu")

Shafted took to the sticky floor, lamented the Dr Death let down, but appreciated his contribution to the consistency of the floor covering. Confirmation from behind the bar that he was often seen coming into the Den, was aided by a bashful Bitchface who confusedly agreed that she missed him.

Anyway: "What a great Run!", "Very Interesting", "High chance of shit hot run of the year". Shafted then ran out of material, pretended to look in his notebook for inspiration, asked for a joke - Snag to Mountie after she came home with $200.50: "What arsehole gave you 50 cents?". Mountie" All of them". - then presented Sillic with a ball in a bag found outside St Patrick's. Sillic pocketed the gift.

SHITTY TRAIL

Sergeant Mountie:

1954, Pauline and Road Runner born. Marilyn Monroe and Jo Di Maggio marry (BF and Big Dog). Bill Haley sang Rock around the Cock (Head Hunter and Quick Dick) - "Build a Bonfire".

Sillic was given the Teddy Whitten Drink to commemorate the Bulldogs 1954 VFL Premiership. Bent, Mountie, Pus Bucket and Rowdy joined him for dressing in theme. "What a wank"

Charges from before the run: Lois for leaving her keys in the car, Dame Edna for participating in the Melbourne bike hash by taxi. "Ya stupid"

Birthday drink for Mrs Dickhead, face plant charge to Bitch Face ( or Bitch Faceplant), show us your gash to Big Dog.

More charges abounded until Big Fucker Pauline charged Head Hunter and Mrs D after the rugby world cup results, All Blacks and England to meet in Fukushima, Ireland and the Wallabies to meet at the airport. Pauline was then made to drink for the white ribbon debacle, and Teflon was given the free Dr Death Beer.

A solemn down down for recent hash departures, Darwin Don, and Dobbie. {They tried to go to Heaven but they went the other way}.

Way too much pizza then arrived, followed by way too much garlic bread. Some will be eating cold pizza all week.

Next week the Grand Master will grace us with his absence again, and Exit and Glider will set the trail in pen and paper from the City Oval Hotel.

Be sure to wash your shoes.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 3 hrs

14 October, 2019. Pink Tie Night Bus Trip.

Lots of foreplay, no climax but a happy ending.

The Ballarat HHH met as instructed at the North Britain Hotel, dressed in Pink tie or equivalent at 6 30 pm for pre-lube drinks. All of the chatter was about the "C" word, our destination, and some outlandish statements were made, and possibly regretted, prior to the GM even making an appearance. He arrived fashionably late, and instructed us to get on the bus, just as Dumb had paid for a fresh beer.

Suck it up, Headen.

Avoca Bus Lines supplied a very comfortable coach, with a happy driver who actually got paid this time around. A couple of well stocked eskies heightened mood and expectation as the Hash followed Spencer's lead and slowly got pissed.

A convoluted trip out to Creswick followed, with an open tab at the Farmer's Arms which soon encouraged pints of Guinness and other shenanigans, only heightening expectations for the evening ahead. At this time Plucka, who was in control of the money tin, became uncontrollably excited by the similarity between Big Fucker Pauline's dress spectacles, and a set of Venetian blinds. Whatever turns you on, Plucka...

Back on the bus for a 30 second trip to the drink stop for the Circle. Fascinator got us off to his usual seamless start by welcoming our "visitors from Germany", Calapso and Fanny Chill. Head Hunter was charged as well because "she made us come". Don't you doubt it.

Quick Dick led the "Get a Life" down down song..

Bat Girl , Pebbles and Rowdy were charged for their secret training the day before, running the marathon, BF for her marathon drinking, and as as one doctor drinks, etc "20 toes"

Shafted got up to screw the run, and announced there was nothing to screw, 'just like at home'. He noted the absence of Her Fanny, and let Fascinator know he could help out if there was any issue. SHITTY TRAIL

An IRONICAL charge to the best dressed couple, Half a Bar and Bar Licka. No, No, No, Bad ,Bad, Bad...

Best dressed individual award tp BF Pauline, and to Lois because behind every Big Man is a Bigger Woman. Sergeant Mountie accused Plucka of dressing up but neglecting the pink, at which stage Plucka got all excited about "Bob peering through the venetian blinds". Wrong Bob, Plucka. (20 toes)

Her Vag was charged "You seem to know everything", Bitch Face for trying to have sex with Pus Bucket all weekend, and Snag charged for resisting. (Oh, the wiggle of her arse... )

Normal got a gong for his very respectable and distinguished outfit, and D&C for going to the trouble of actually wearing nickers (thank goodness) U G L Y

Our overseas guests were the literally gifted the shirt off Tommy's back, and managed to both fit in together. It seemed as though Calapso put it on back to front, then put it in back to front... (Give us an AAA......)

All that excitement had the crowd humming for the bus trip to the final destination, the old Canberra Hotel, not 199 m from the North Britain. A little Hash money across the bar, nice roast chicken or roast beef dinners, flowing red wine, and then.......

D&D won a wager regarding the destination and left the venue prematurely for a happy ending. Nummy nearly choked.

Next week, The Doctor Death from the Den at the City Oval.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 15 hrs

Run 1952 Daylight Savings Run 7 October , 2019

Hare Rowdy from the Nuggetty Dam

We have a BBQ!!!

After all the angst following the brazen theft of the Hash Troop Carrier and BBQ from under Shafted's nose earlier this year, The Sovereign Hash displayed all of its ingenuity and calm co-operation to deliver on time a BBQ for the Daylight Savings Bush Summer Runs.

Bent and BP supplied the sausage cooker, immaculately clean as expected. It looked like it had never been used, such was its pristine state. GM Fascinator supplied the transport in the form of a reinvented garden maintenance trailer with a slot perfectly sized for the BBQ. Normal and SS supplied the cooking skills to turn out 96 perfectly heated snags, with onions, and Glider lit the bonfire under the supervision of a strangely responsible Pus Bucket who prevented the fire from getting out of control while the hash were running and walking through the Aussie Bush on a mild but dry October evening.

The run made use of the single track and fire trails to wind south initially, across the bitumen to head up the steepish slope to Glen Park Road, then meandering north across the bitumen towards the Dam, with a little bush bashing and shaft avoiding at the end. The drink stop back at the bonfire kept all lubricated and talkin' footy.

Eventually GM Fascinator scaled his podium to announce welcomes back to Bent Nose, BP, Nutcracker, Mastabait, Rowdy and Half a Bar. (Give us an AAA...)

(there was a prolonged lull in proceeding while all commented on the tropical flavoured Aldi mid strength beer supplied by the Grog Master)

Tommy had to re drink his flavoured beer as a punishment for starting too early. (Ya Stupid)

Screw Shafted was eventually invited to participate, which he did in a positive manner. Thanked the RA (Nummy) for her magnificent job with the weather, commended Snag for his bonfire monitoring, lusted after the basalt Rocks from the Western Plains, then drooled over the quartz reef around and over which the run was set. Lauded the run then lamented the absence of Dr Death, who was to help with the song;

A Message to You, Rowdy...

Stop your messin' around,

Got to think of ya future, etc (SHITTY TRAIL)

Mountie managed to fit Normal, BP (born in 1952), Nummy (for being of coloured heritage), and Pus Bucket's Aunty Joan Sutherland in with Mrs Universe for the 1952 charges. (She's all right..)

Charges from Before the Run. Glider charged the GM for all the shit left behind in Learmonth after last week's run. Fascinator was called to account for his flat battery this evening, D&D for possibly supplying the said battery. Pus Bucket for his brilliant bonfire. Bitch Face for the Aldi Beer, and for being easy to pick up. (ya stupid)

Donuts and Squizzy had a special charge due to their dogs fighting on the run (? a bitch fight),- The dogs fought, and Squizzy lost.

Dumb and Dumber and Rowdy had a birthday charge, and I forgot the rest.

Most managed to leave before the rain came to douse the bonfire. All in all a good night.

Next week's run is the Pink Tie Run, bus from the North Britain at 6 30 pm, $40, with a Buy your drinks option at the destination, which is in a town which begins with C. (Cairns, Cairo, Creswick, Clunes, Castlemaine, Cressy, Cape Town.........who knows?)

30 - 9 - '19                  Run 1951                    Learmonth

The Clayton's BAD HEAD JOB Run from The Stag.
30+ showed up, most with bra on, or in hand, for the local 
McGrath Foundation effort. Obviously MASTABAIT was still
out of town - NORMAL becomes one's new very best friend,
looking for a lift !!
FASCINATOR welcomed Samoa Hash visitors, NOM NOM &
PEEPING CLAM, & a welcome back for run #3 - Shazza.
The BHD Corporation had been busy with other contracts, &
had to sub-contract out the "run setting", & everyone knows
what can happen when you involve subbies, but the 
Drink-stop was well taken care of !!
The Super Athletes headed off behind stand-in Hare 
FASCINATOR, walkers as well, leaving the bar flys behind
to stay refreshed. 
Very chilly at the Drink-stop, at the 'usual' Learmonth U-tunda,
with the Carlton Draught, chips & lollies.
Back at the Circle, SHAFTED had the customary interrogation
on (this time Shazza). Who made you cum & how? It was FOP.
What's your favourite position? Wing defence.
Next, a welcome drink for NOM NOM & PEEPING CLAM, & as 
all NOM's drink ..... you too NUMMY.
              (There's a game called 20 toes ................ ),
DUMBER's cousin Anne & George were next.
                           (They're stupid ............ ),
FASCINATOR called out GLIDER as the best "bra wearer", & he
did a circuit of the bar, while all the bras were thrown into
the Circle.
                        (Do your tits hang low ......... ),
FASCINATOR & BHD then took a drink as the combined Hares.
SHAFFY had NOM & PEEPING out , as they "didn't pay the 
whore", but how much did Samoa?"
                       (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ........... ),
Sergeant MOUNTIE said, "Great year 1951", for Orphan Annie,
George & NORMAL & real Birthday Girls came next - EXIT &
HEAD HUNTER. 
                        (Hashy Birthday f*ck you ........... ),
BITCHFACE had a drink for the "Toby Greene Father" saga, &
another from MRS D, for the reply at 2pm Sunday, to the 
unanswered Saturday call at 6pm.
SHAFTED charged PLUCKA for THE BILL's bra with the peg 
marks, then MRS D to DONUTS for the enormous bra that 
would take 2 human heads.
                   (Thank God she's finally shut up .......... ),
NOM NOM had a drink for coming to visit, & as all NUM's drink,
............. NUMMY?
                   (He's the meanest .............. ),
MRS D charged Shazza for wanting to pick a Hash Name for 
herself, then the Samoans for not being here last week. That's
NOM, PEEPING .... & all Nom's, NUMMY, & you weren't here 
last week PEBBLES.
                    (Build a bonfire ................... ),
NUM, DUMB & PAULINE .... & all NUMs NOM, took a charge 
for not swilling enough at the weekend.
                    (Oh, the wiggle of her arse ............. ),
FOP charged MOUNTIE for her bra size tnite, but DONUTS 
checked with the open hand & thought there might need to be 
more study done.
                          (She's alright ............... ),
NOM NOM gifted an Apia Hash shirt to FASCINATOR, then
SPENCER HOCKING happily made PEBBLES remove his
shirt (PEBBLES not happy Jan !!), to return favour to 
NOM NOM, so now PEBBLES, where's your Hash gear?
Have a drink.
Next week's Run - 1952 - Hare ROWDY, Daylight Savings.
On on Nuggety dam.

Presentable Pub Meals at The Stag, with sides of veg & salad.
SILIC was in twice (or was that thrice?). Tasty cherry ripe
Birthday Cake was spread round to celebrate EXIT &
HEAD HUNTER's big day.