Bevan Kelly

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Run # 2101, 25 July 2022.

Precious from the Bunch of Grapes.

It’s time… for Christmas in July. The run was perfectly set to resemble a Santa hat… but then it rained so we fucked that idea off and ran under a bit more cover.

In the circle, the Grand Master, Pusbucket, informed us the run number was the digit sum of the square root of 16 which means fuck all. He then paralleled Hash to a promotion by attrition system and called on his new Screw, Shafted. Shafted stated that Campaspe would have expected a Christmas hat, but the hat seemed to have flopped, becoming wet and flat. Shafted stated that the run began by heading west, which you should never do, before simply stating that the run had shit weather. (Shitty trail)

Welcomes back to Shafted, Road Runner, DnC, BP and Bent. (You’re stupid). This was followed by bring out the hare, Precious, and SS to show the different generations. Gen Y and the cretaceous generation. (What a hasher)

Charges began by reading the first Noel of Precious. The next charge went to Shafted who saw a lady in a struggle and went to assist, proving the age of chivalry is well and truly not dead. With this, Shafted drew the first of hashes time themed Christmas gifts. He was joined by Big Dog and Spartacus, who had attended a quiz at the harriers club rooms the previous Friday. They weren’t very good, considering they ended the first round 3 out of 10. Normal then charged Bent, because they had completed 31 marathons together, but it was only when Normal let Bent take over the walk that he final got some free beer. (He’s the meanest)

Bent then drew from the Christmas bag a clock, further cementing his status as Hash’s resident clockhead. Bent was then charged alongside the RA, as Bent Nose took the walkers to his house and was heard to say “it’ll blow over in 5 minutes” before the rain got heavier 10 minutes later. NBCL was then bought out the front and charged for inadvertently walking out and showing a house guest his recently washed bits. Rowdy was similarly charged for having the most erect of all the… Santa hats. (This is your down down song)

Teflon and GILF were then charged following a trip Teflon took to the confession. Teflon confessed that he and GILF had lustful thoughts and wild sex. He explained that he tore her clothes off and threw her across the freezer. They weren’t banned from the church but they are banned from ALDI. (The wiggle of her ass). To finish off the charges, a beer was given to anyone in Christmas attire. (UGLY)

And then, just as proceedings were wrapping up, a very late comer charge for Pimp, followed by a beautiful rendition of Snag and Mountie’s song, silent night.

1Jacki Fowler