Bevan Kelly

Admin

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Run # 2106, 29 August 2022.

Pusbucket from the Grapes Hotel

It’s time… for the safe security of Hash. No more long winded and excessively complicated runs in Creswick. Instead, we’re back to the safe security of the Grapes hotel.

The proceedings began with a visual gag that only somewhat didn’t work. The GM showed off a newspaper clipping singing the praises of the fabulous east.

Welcomes backs to Pauline, The Master Baiter, Quick Dick, Head Hunter and Penny Farthing. This joined by the celebration of Quick Dick’s 200th run. (Get a life)

Praise was sung to the RA, Nutcracker, who also managed to keep the torrential rain at bay for Hash. (B.I.M.B.O)

But the most important moment of the night came with Bad Hair Day’s induction into the illustrious guild of the Barflies. When asked of his experience, BHD stated he would probably barfly again. (No no no)

Tommy Half a Bar however, was chastised for missing the barflies yet again. He was joined by Boner who was another Welcomes Back absent during the first go through. (The crease of his pants)

The preamble was bought to a close by more talk from the Barflies. Spartacus had suggested that Rear Entry align his business model to suit his political beliefs and rename from Greene TV to Teal TV. Rear Entry suggested you put an S on the front and you’d be pretty on the money. (You’re stupid)

Nut Bush Clitty Licker was the stand in screw due to the unseasonal dry nature of the Campaspe. NBCL described the run as expanding in number and girth and going southward, before heading northward. The run was termed “well marked… as well marked as a seals face”. NBCL thought he saw a mirage at the end of the run and had been transported back to 1297, but it was just the LARPers. (Shitty trail)

And in the theme of safe security, Hash returned to the safe security of having a semblance of a committee. Quick Dick stood up as the Sergeant looking exceptionally like the Michelin man in his 200th run shirt over a puffer jacket. Mrs D was the first charge, having alluded to the trail going in one direction and then back again. She stated the trail felt reminiscent of Spartacus, aptly suggesting that Pusbucket may have had a “Spartacus lay”. (Finnish Drinking song)

Normal, Lois and Big Dog were called forward. Again, the LARPers were discussed with Mrs D stating that it was a way to get nerds out and active, to which an unknown hero responded “just like the walkers trail”. (What a wank)

Donuts was charged because Hash was just happy to see him again after his leave of absence. More charges from the run included Precious stopping mid-run to take a piss, Rowdy running with his hand on his dick mid-run, and Mountie stopping at a halt and asking Rowdy “where’s Rowdy”. (They outta be publicly pissed on)

Juscum was charged for standing on the Yarrowee bridge and asking where she was. She then saw White Flat and asked if it was Llanberris. Mountie then started to charge Pusbucket, stating she had set the entire run in Creswick and then she started to get calls and texts and… Pusbucket had left mid-charge which meant a rebound for Moutie. (Get back in the kitchen)

Hash heard about the Billy Goat’s trip to Darwin. Whilst on the plane he sat next to a Mormon. After being offered a beer, the Billy Goat said yes and offered a beer to the Mormon. The Mormon responded “I’d rather be raped by a hundred whores” to which the Bill responded “I didn’t know there was a choice”. Boner was also charged for showing up to the venue for dinner… without realising there was a Hash run on. Quick Dick then told Hash he has a “lengthy one”. This statement has yet to be corroborated. Quick Dick regaled a discussion from the run where Mountie yelled from a Halt “It’s a running club. Head Hunter corrected her that it was a “drinking club with a running problem”. DnC commented that only problem was “not enough drinks” to which Nummy stated, referring to the stragglers , “well here come the dregs, not the drinks”. (This is your down down song)

Pusbucket described reading the Courier and seeing the 50 Years ago section where it described BHD being kicked out of a dance studio. He was reportedly trying to do the fandango and was seen with one hand done a woman’s fan and the other done another woman’s dango. NBCL was charged when Hash noticed Nutcrackers fern leggings and surmised that NBCL had traced every fern with his tongue. (Why were they born so beautiful)

Pauline was charged from the Barflies. He had spoken to Tommy Half a Bar about his heart issues, to which Tommy replied that everyone knows Pauline doesn’t have a heart. The other Kiwis joined him as New Zealand are currently third on the rugby table. (Build a bonfire)

Next weeks run is Road Runner from the North Britain

 

Bevan Kelly

Admin

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Run # 2105, 22 August 2022.

Juscum from the Park Hotel

It’s time… for well utilized synonyms. As such, the hare was an inconvenience… Sorry, I meant to say a Hassle.

Juscum “set” the run, with a little help from Spartacus from the Park Hotel. And weather was anything but kind.

The fill in screw was oddly enough Fascinator, who self-confessed to having not run the trail. In fact, he confessed to not running a trail in a long while. Fascinator detailed the run would have been ideal under different weather circumstances and that the trail may not have been entirely followed as such. Fascinator then did the unthinkable. He was funny. Fascinator told of Juscum applying for the police force. She was asked 3 simple questions. She blitzed the first two: “what’s 2+2” and “what’s 4+4”. But then she was asked “who killed Abraham Lincoln”. Unsure of the answer, Juscum ws told to go home. Upon returning home, Spartacus asked her how she went at the interview, and she said she thought went well and she’s “got her first case”. Fascinator described the run as wet in the start, middle and end, kinda like sex. (Shitty Trail)

Pusbucket then detailed how he had been exploring warmer climates with Big Dog crunching the numbers on the likelihood of moving hash to these areas. Pusbucket described the only two differences to the hash community, no more rain coats, and the charge will increase from $5 to about 2.5 grand for the first few years.

Big welcomes backs were in order. A very big welcome back to Donuts. He was joined by Her Vaj, FOP and Fascinator. (Get a life). Other opening formalities included reminding everyone that the Black Tie was the 8thof October, and it’s $30 for head.

As we have seen many a time before, the GM and the Sergeant were one and the same once again. The first charge went to Juscum, who had a fall at Ladies Hash, but fell straight on her chest and managed to bounce straight back up. (You’re stupid)

GILF was then asked the deep questions of life, if women are so good at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time. The Bill joined. Hash heard of the Billy Goat visiting Dr Rowdy to ask about a male contraceptive. Rowdy showed the Bill a rather pill, to which the Bill asked whether the pill was oral or a suppository. Rowdy informed the Bill that you simply put the pill in your shoe and it makes you limp. (No no no)

Criss Cross then told us all how Normal combines AFL, endangered species and politicians. He went on a semantic ladened discussion about Menzie’s playing for Essendon. I’m sure at least one person understood it. (They outta be publicly pissed on)

Juscum was charged again, this time for her punctuality, having arrived at Ladies Hash a whole 7 days early. Rowdy joined her, being charged for wearing his Collingwood gear while Collingwood played on repeat on the TV behind him. (This is your down down song)

Tommy Half a Bar then came out the front. It was stated that Tommy had also seen Dr Rowdy for a gastric issue. Rowdy asked Tommy if his bowel movements were regular. Tommy responded that they ran like perfect clockwork, happening at 8am every morning. Only issue is that he wakes up at 9am. (You’re stupid)

Tommy then stayed out the front as Pusbucket told a joke. He told us all of how Tommy’s car had broken down on the way back from Hash and he was stuck in Clarendon. He went towards a house with a light on. After knocking on the door, a man informed Tommy that he would need to stay the night. The man said “I sleep in one bed. You’ll have to sleep with my young, beautiful, blonde haired, 21 year old… son” to which Tommy responded “fuck, I’m in the wrong joke”. (The creases of his pants could make a blind man cum and the fleece on his ewes weighs a fucking tonne)

Juscum was charged yet again, much to her enjoyment, for trail setting. Donuts did not see a single piece of trail. It was raised that he arrived after the run, but all charges stick. Juscum then mentioned that Spartacus should’ve given her a little more, which everyone was certain he would like to do. (20 toes)

It was mentioned that Juscum dressed in a manner similar to a condom on the run, and had Spartacus have dressed with a condom as well, Juscum wouldn’t have had a UTI… Sorry, I meant to say Wee Problem. (Finnish drinking song)

Mountie was the bought out the front for asking how you keep people in suspense, before deciding to tell everyone next week. Juscum was charged when she was overheard to ask at the drink stop “who would put this shit in a drink stop”. Mrs D and Criss Cross joined them after Mrs D maligned the arthritis ridden Criss Cross on the run. Teflon also joined them for his sporting achievement of running the City Reserve, with only 20,000 people finishing ahead of him. (They’re stupid)

After taking em away, the GM/Sergeant was charged for taking on another secret portfolio. The committee was then bought out the front, to which is was decided they were more together than Essendon. (S.C.O.M.O)

It was close to meals, so the beer needed to be drunk. So logically FOP was charged, as it was a long way to his doctorate, but not as long as Carlton winning back respectability. (His one skin)

Now, luckily the scribe was done late, otherwise y’all would’ve gotten the longest explanation about next weeks run ever… only for the run to change a few days out. Filling in the scribe late isn’t an act of laziness, it’s an act of ingenuity.

 

Bevan Kelly

Admin

  · 14 h  · 

Run # 2104, 15 August 2022.

Rear Entry from the Ballarat Bowls Club

It’s time… for serious role delegation. So, for the Looney Tunes fans, it’s the triumphant return of the Road Runner as GM. In lieu of much of the committee, the night was defined by fill ins.

After a fantastic run in the east, the run commenced with the welcomes back under the expert guidance of Mr Runner. Welcomes backs were given to The Bill and SOS and presumably others. (Get a Life). This perfectly lead Hash into the fill in Screw, Nut Bush Clitty Licker. NBCL termed the run “The best of runs, the worst of runs”. He describe a run that “transversed” Sturt Street. When asked about clarity around the word transversed. He described that it meant the opposite of reversed. The run was termed to have been good in nature. (Shitty Trail)

It was then time for the fill in sergeant. Due to the sergeant and the scribe being the same person, the scribe will be referring to themselves in third person to make the sergeant look better… even if it makes the scribes attention to detail look shitter. The first charge went to Scomo, because despite his tendency to step into roles when they’re available in the government, he was notably absent when Hash needed someone to step into roles. Rowdy was also charged. The sergeant had told Rowdy that the Sergeant and Scribe may have hypothetically been one and the same, so it was his fault if the Scribe struggled with details. (There was a song here)

Rowdy was asked to stay out the front alongside the Billy Goat. Many people had seen the Billy Goat and stated that they hadn’t seen the Bill in a long time. But the Sergeant has Rowdy as a doctor who bulk bills and, as a result, they haven’t the bill in years. (There was a song here)

The sergeant also charged Bad Hair Day. Sometimes to charge before the run, you must charge during the run. It was noted that BHD was calling an awful lot of trail, almost as if he were a live hare. But, as we all know, BHD hasn’t had live hair since well before the run. Joining him was BP, how was charged for her little gash on the side of her face turning into a large bleeding gash in a week… no doubt the work of Bent Nose. (There was a song here)

There were a few charges that have faded into the obscurity of memory. The infinite fallibility of the human mind. Nutcracker and NBCL were charged for Nutcracker stating mid run that she had spent “all day on [her] knees” ensure it didn’t rain and nobody appreciated it. But Hash was fairly certain NBCL appreciated it. (There was a song here)

In the theme of blonde harriet charges, the sergeant charged DnC as they had been travelling a lot in the last few days. In their travels the sergeant had decided to refer to Ballarat as DnC because it’s kinda old, kinda wet “but I’d still go there”. (There was a song here)

At this point, Road Runner forgot what was going on and became both the GM and the sergeant. The only other noteworthy charge that comes to mind was a promise the scribe made to Pusbucket. This promise was a deeply seeded tradition in hash. As such, the circle watched Rear Entry fumble his way through the Richmond song once again… to great amusement. (YELLOW AND BLACK)

The rest of the night has been lost to the fallibility of human memory. Next weeks run… ask Rowdy, surely he knows.

 

Bevan Kelly

Admin

  · 1 d  · 

Run # 2103, 8 August 2022.

Normal from The Grapes Hotel.

It is time… for the Normal to mark a run because Plucka wasn’t going to be able to make it… Welcomes back to Plucka, Pink Bits, Rear Entry and Shafted (Get a life).

Pusbucket welcomed himself back to Hash after taking a “feasibility study” to Darwin to assess the feasibility of transferring Hash up north. Unfortunately, the study was inconclusive, so another study will be taking place in Port Douglas next week.

Since the Campaspe seems to have dried up, Mountie took the stage with no MOOT after being given 5 minutes notice for her screw. Mountie announced that the run was not “rather flat” as Normal had stated, before launching into the peak of comedy… jokes at the expense of peoples lasts names.

- “How do 5 gay men walk? In One Direction”

- “What do gay men use after they a 69? Mouth wash”

- What do you call an annoying gay man? A pain in the ass”

To close out the screw, it was announced that “everyone” liked that run. (Shitty trail)

Normal then announced that Rowdy had paid for the drink stop, too which he was reminded “not yet”. The GM then bought Normal out the front for more of the peak of comedy… jokes at the expense of peoples last names. “What do you never say at a gay bar? Can I push in your stool?”. It was then noted that Tommy Half a Bar seemed to have given up on the Demons as he had announced he didn’t go to the football and had booked a snow trip during finals season. Hash then took a moment to appreciate Tommy’s new suit and tie look, obviously an indicator of the cast of the next season of Farmer Wants a Wife. (B.I.M.B.O)

Normal then told the circle of how he had been in the bush walking with Plucka and she had asked if he “wanted a hand” … sadly she was referring to setting the run and offered to drive the drinkstop. Normal then stated that he was not that desperate, to which it was insinuated that if one were to look up desperate in the dictionary, they would find a picture of Normal. (No no no)

NBCL then attempted to charge the GM for asking who wasn’t here last week when he was absent, but this was rebounded due to the recent veto stating: You must miss 2 weeks to get a welcome back *welcome back being the name, not a necessary indicator that one’s return was welcome. Dr Death then made a joke a year after he stopped being sergeant. Unlike his time as sergeant, this joke was unanimously declared funny. Normal was then given a congratulatory charge for his first time ever making everyone cum together. The circle then heard of the controversy that occurred during the barflies eventful evening. Pusbucket arrived and found a newspaper on a seat. He obviously moved the newspaper to sit down, only for Shafted to protest that the newspaper was saving his seat, to which Pusbucket informed him “It’s bums that keep seats lad, not newspapers”. (This is your down down song)

Normal was then given the Australian Bureau of Statistics charge. Statistically, if someone walks up and down a set of stairs 100 times, you’d reckon they gotta fall and die. Normal promptly walked down a flight of stairs to accept his charge. Mrs D then made a charge for the Millennial’s. She descried the new term quiet quitting, which sounded an awful lot like a Buzzfeed article that was not properly cited. (Dumbass)

Lois Lane was then charged for wearing her yellow beanie and trying to blend in with the plants by pretending to be a sunflower. The Hassle’s were then bought out the front to take a charge for the recently departed Judith Durham. (Down Down Down)

Bad Hair Day then charged the scribe for tapping away during the circle. I’d like to use my current platform to say “fuck you Bad Hair Day. Read this scribe”. The horse racers were then charged after the GM saw a big winner at the Darwin Cup. And with Dr Death out front, if one doctor drinks. (One Skin).

Next weeks run is Rear Entry at the Bowls Club opposite the Eastern Oval.