RUN 2267 – D&C – Grapes on Grant – Monday 4th August 2025

RUN 2267 – D&C – Grapes on Grant – Monday 4th August 2025

Welcome to the weekly blog of the Sovereign Hash House Harriers, where this week we marked the anniversary of SS’s birthday, with a specially marked SS trail. A letter of thanks from June was read to the circle (see separate post). Bookmarks from SS’s funeral and a bag of SS’s hash tops were then made available to all our hashers.
Without Lois Lane we skipped welcomes backs. Sniffy runs were awarded to Jus Cum on 272 and Boner on 77. Apologies were made to Quick Dick for missing his significant run last week and he scored a drink for reaching 301 runs. Then there was a call for if one retired Dr drinks, all retired Dr drink, I missed the retired bit and stepped forward as I thought it was all Dr’s. Then it got messy, and I got a drink anyway. D&C was then charged 3 drinks for running 3 of her on backs, claiming she forgot they were there.
Mountie then stepped up to screw D&C. Mountie had been told of various significant locations all along the trail that included, the corner of Main Rd and Eureka St, with something about the hydroponic store and the missionary position. We then recognised the yum cha, the timeline in the park, the playground and Short St, as SS was vertically challenged. It was also mentioned that People Pleaser may have had an anal exam from Rowdy on trail. Mountie finished her screw with a couple of relevant biblical quotes.
NBCL then stepped up and began by mentioning that he was disappointed that the Nutbush didn’t make hottest 100 list, but we did have a star in our midst, Jus Cum won the gold Logie. Rowdy was then charged for 6 cases of VD and if one retired Dr drinks, all retired Dr’s drink, so Quick Dick had a drink too. There was then a joke about Normal, who had had a procedure and was told he could not feel anything from the waist down. His response was “just tits then”. Bent Nose was then charged for taking time to decorate his entry in the book, so he could make it easier to find his name. Precious was charged for making Cinderella too tired to come to hash, after blowing a horn all weekend. Disco was charged for being a child prodigy, with something about being a banger, then Spencer was charged for being a child banger too. People pleaser was charged for bringing coffee to Hash, but it wasn’t coffee, it was a hot chocolate. Carpet Burns and Cat Flaps were then charged for sipping red pre run. IC then said better the blood of Christ than the blood of Mary. IC was then charged for inappropriate behaviour at a recent event with children present when INXS was mentioned. All Carlton supporters got the next charge and this included Num Num, Jus Cum and D&C. Bent Nose was charged for trying to be cool wearing his cap backwards, he claimed it was because it was too windy and Mountie was charged too, but I’m not sure why. Normal was then charged for complaining that there was only mid strength beer at the drink stop. IC was charged for conducting out of time, I guess his music teacher was busy with other things. It then scored a drink for living next door to the music teacher. Dumb & Dumber and Teflon were then charged as Cat Flaps had questioned if they were twins. Num Num and Pebbles were then charged for being the worst retirees. Pebbles is now back at work, tutoring and Nummy has retired several times. Bent Nose was then charged for being so lost last week, that he posted photos from Portugal. Final charge went to People Pleaser for channelling Lois Lane, his bum bag resembling Lois’s merkin. We were then reminded that committee shirts were available for those on the committee who haven’t collected one yet.
Next Weeks Run was then announced. Bent Nose will be setting the run. Location TBA
On On

RUN 2266 – Spartacus – Millers Arms Hotel, Howard St Soldiers Hill – Monday 28th July 2025

RUN 2266 – Spartacus – Millers Arms Hotel, Howard St Soldiers Hill – Monday 28th July 2025

This week we began with a charge for Spartacus, for not setting trail up and down the street. Our esteemed GM then continued his struggle without Lois Lane. Welcomes back for awarded to Shafted, Nair, Fawcet & Noname. Sniffy runs then went to Dumb & Dumber on 1441 and D&C on 343.
Mountie then began her screw of the run. She was unhappy as SS, Half a Bar, and Dr Death were not here to hang shit on them. She then read from her COOCH bible with some notable quotes, “All runners run, but only one gets the prize” and “Walk by faith and overcome the demons”. She then mentioned that she followed the trail up and down and bragged that she found both the drink stops. Not everyone was so lucky to be able to find and follow the trail, six hashers were lost at various locations on the trail, but we were all found in the end.
Our sergeant NBCL then began with a few jokes. He told us about his pet chameleon that wouldn’t change colour, he took it to the vet where it was diagnosed with reptile dysfunction. There was then a follow-on joke about his flexibility from last week that mentioned something about a voodoo doll, but I couldn’t hear this one over the crowd. He then mentioned that he met an old girlfriend on trail who was ugly … how ugly was she… well, her star sign is faeces. Bent then tried a Dim Wit joke. What is the cause of dry skin?...Towels.
Dumb & Dumber was then charged for the recent death threat to a Melbourne Footy coach. Then if one Demons supporter is charged, all Demons supporters are charged. However, he was the only one here. Bent nose was then charged for too much talking. Mountie scored a charge for not being able to find her torch at the start of the run, while it was on her head and Nair was charged for selling a gym set, but still having two bits in his pocket. Immaculate Conception was then charged for being spewed on by his pup Friday night. This led to a dog themed charge for Big Dog and Hush Puppy. We then had a birthday charge to Big Dog, Carpet Burns and NBCL. Spartacus was charged for serving Melbourne Bitter at the Drink Stop and Doodle Nuts was charged for shitting herself on the run. NBCL was also charged for his fall on the run. Since we have the COOCH cross, which is a Roman Symbol, Spartacus was charged for his Roman name. A lack of Hash Gear charge went to Mrs D, Fawcet, Road Runner and Noname. Doodle nuts was then charged for losing her beanie, twice, but it was found in her pocket each time. Road Runner was then charged for his speedy travel in Vietnam, he seemed to get to the next location quicker that the others without visiting brothels. Then D&C was charged for organised one the Vietnamese accommodation sites above a brothel. People Pleaser was then charged for voluntarily having a beer at the first drink stop, after saying he doesn’t like beer. Perhaps Hash is influencing him? Then Pink Bits was charged for turning that easy. There was then a call that this was perhaps the shit hot run of the year, as there were 2 drink stops, but Bent Nose only made it to one of them. Immaculate Conception then scored the Oscar Piastri charge, for his recent wins, and Pus Bucket was charged for smashing a glass at the bar. Nair was then charged for still needing a lyric book. Big Dog was then charged for bringing Hush Puppy, but not teaching her to sign the book. Shafted then charged Big Dog for not being allowed to trim Hush Puppy hedges, only Nutcracker is allowed to trim. Normal was then charged for talking in the circle and Bent Nose scored the last charge for worrying the young people when he was lost.
Next Weeks Run was then announced. D&C will be setting a run from the Grapes on Grant Street.
On On

RUN 2265 – Committee Run – Irish Murphy’s – Red Dress Run raising funds for FECRI – Monday 21st July 2025

RUN 2265 – Committee Run – Irish Murphy’s – Red Dress Run raising funds for FECRI – Monday 21st July 2025

This week our poor GM was left bereft of Lois Lane’s little slip of paper, without knowledge of the run number, welcomes backs or sniffy runs. I could only help with the run number. So, we began with talk of horoscopes, particularly cancer and moved straight on to the screw. Mountie screwed the GM for the trail, which included a tour of the labs at the Fiona Elsey Cancer Research Institute (FECRI), and tin rattling around central Ballarat. She then quoted from the bible of COOCH with a selection of readings and proverbs.
Mountie then scored the first charge, as we were told that after the weekend cross country, they had to remove all the trail arrows in Vic Park. Mountie should have told us during her screw, that the hare needs to brush off trail after the run, as council apparently now considers trail marks as graffiti. At this point the circle moved from the bar area to the nearby stage with a pulpit (how appropriate). NBCL, our sergeant, stepped up. NBCL was on a roll tonight and began with talk of how tough it is in Melbourne, such that when he was asked to put his hand in fresh concrete located at some civil construction works, he felt a hand on the other side. He then told us about the flotsam and jetsam he saw on the trams, there was a guy with a beard wearing a dress, actually looking around, it was just like us. We were then informed that life is like a fart… if you force it, it’s probable shit. NBCL then mentioned that he’d been to the gym to get help with bending, he was asked how flexible he was, to which he responded, “well, I can’t do Tuesday”. We then moved on to charges. Nummy scored the next charge, for her behavior on our last mystery bus tour, meaning that a Coldplay concert was probably not a good spot for future trips. We then charged Wee Problem and Jus Cum for no hash gear and no red dress. Then, if one Hassle drinks, all Hassles drink, so Spartacus got a drink too. Nummy was then charged again, for her assistance with the ordering tonight. Fop was charged for coming to Hash, which may have resulted in the absence of Mrs D, who was suddenly not feeling well. There was then a charge for the red heads in the room, Disco, Rowdy, Nutcracker, Spencer Hocking and Bad Hair Day, some with wigs and some without. This was because the bar staff asked who was paying for the jugs, the answer was “the guy with the red hair”, to which they responded, “the red wig?”, and our GM responded with “Oh no, that’s his real hair. Cat Flaps was then charged for her assistance in organising the chaos of ordering upstairs and Disco was then charged for something about express lanes at the footy on the weekend. Mountie was then charged for her dismay at the choice of red wines at the Buninyong Winery where they only had a Pinot Noir. We then charged a few belated welcomes backs to FOP, Wee Problem, Fascinator and Her Vaj. Fop and Campaspe were then charged for being excellent tour guides although, we did loose one Dr, poor Rowdy got lost and missed the tours, so if one Dr drinks, all Drs drink. Quick Dick scored a drink here too. There were then comments about the tours, where someone asked where’s the beer fridge? Is it only cancer or is there normal in the tissue bank? What, Normal is in there! While no lab animals were found, there was a trail of red feathers (Mountie) and Jus Cum was charged for asking what do you research here? We finished up with charges to Fop and Campaspe for their important work in cancer research and Cat Flaps was charged for donating wine and sleeping with an Unwin.

Next Weeks Run was then announced to be set by Spartacus from the Millers Arms Hotel, Howard St Soldiers Hill.
On On

After dinner, Fascinator officiated our charity wine auction. Immaculate Conception bought the Umbrella Man Chardonnay $50, a 2002 Tattooed Lady Shiraz $120, a cleanskin vintage handmade champagne estimated at 30-40 years old $90 and a 2001 Tattooed Lady Shiraz $110. Boner bought a 2005 dessert wine $50. Spencer Hocking bought a 2004 Acrobat Riesling $50 and a 2015 Winemakers Selection Shiraz $50. Rowdy bought the last bottle of the 2004 Acrobat Durif $150 and Num Num bought the 2011 Chardonnay $50. Thanks to Fascinator for being our auctioneer and to Cat Flaps for donating the wine and providing some extra background information about some of the special bottles. We also had Ballarat Cycle Classic socks for sale at $20 a pair, that were bought by NBCL, Nummy and Cinderella. I’d like to thank all the Hashers who made purchases. Donations were also collected on the night, on top of the $10 collected from each person in attendance.

The fantastic final tally raised on the night for FECRI was $1461.30, which was made up of $720 from wine sales, $290 from entries, $240 from sock sales, $10 from a QR code donation and $201.30 from cash donations. On behalf of FECRI, I would like to thank everyone for contributing to this successful fundraising event.

RUN 2264 – Mountie – Mount Xavier Golf Course, Ballarat East – Monday 14th July 2025

RUN 2264 – Mountie – Mount Xavier Golf Course, Ballarat East – Monday 14th July 2025

The GM began with a question to the group, “What to do with the glass penis?” While no particular answer was provided, it was purported that it was good to have at your disposal. Our GM then asked Pauline and Lois to move around the circle giving high fives. This was because our GM wanted a military parade for his birthday. We then moved on to Welcomes Backs, which went to Rear Entry, Zig, Bad Hair Day, Abbey, and D&C. However, D&C was there last week, so Lois was charged for f#@king up.

Zig was called to the front with People Pleaser and Riley. There was something about Zig having a Zag and they all had a drink. We then moved on to our Sniffy runs that went to Pink Bits on 161, Rear Entry 696 and Jus Cum on 269.

Mountie wasn’t allowed to screw herself, so IC was called up with no preparation, to screw the run/walk. He said that we stayed off the greens and stayed on trail, there was even trail on the walk and a good Drink Stop. Altogether, well set.

NBCL began with a funny story about coming from Sunshine, where there was a petting zoo, because it was school holidays, but 4 kids escaped. We were then welcomed to Mt Xavier, the place carpet forgot. Rear Entry scored a charge relating to the sign on the bar, “prefer lies through the green”. Lois was then charged as the carpet design was said to resemble her merkin. Boner then told a poo joke. NBCL and Nutcracker were then charged for a joke about the use of the ball cleaner at the first hole which moved onto the cleaning of the glass penis. Our GM was charged after responding to complaints that the balls were hard to clean, where he said, “That’s what makes the smell”. Head Hunter and Donuts were then charged for comments relating to staying high on the green. Zig was charged for his phone call during the starting circle. There was then a charge for long hair going to Precious and Disco, with some comparison to Bob Marley, this progressed to talk of the Wailers, but we don’t need the Wailers because we have Mountie. Snag, Snag, Snag. Mountie was also charged for not knowing many of the songs when we were out last Saturday night. Carpet Burns was then charged for losing her coat Sat night, but since she wasn’t there, Jus Cum scored the drink. There was then a birthday charge for Pink Bits, Pauline and Precious. Nummy then scored a retirement charge, even though she has 2 more shifts. Nummy was then awarded a drink from the glass penis. We then had a no hash gear charge that was given to Abbey, Riley and Pink Bits, even though she had Hash tights under her trackies. People Pleaser was charged with a question “does he have a gun in his pocket or was he pleased to see us”. His grey trackies were a little revealing. Lois was then charged for accumulating Hash gear from the recently deceased and not passing it on, however, she did give a shirt to People Pleaser. We then gave our barman Wayne a charge which progressed to charging those wearing hats, Normal, Hush Puppy & Rowdy. Wayne was then charged for not enforcing “no hats” Rule. Wankers were then changed, this included Donuts, IC and Bad Hair Day. Rear Entry was then charged for not knowing the Tigers song, and Big Dog was charged as he was also a Tigers supporter. Snag was given a late charge for no hash gear and Spencer Hocking was charged for being a cousin. Boner then got the last charge, just because.

Next Weeks Run was then announced to be a Red Dress Run with the venue, TBA. There will be a red wine auction (thanks Cat Flaps) and raffles, so we were reminded to bring some extra cash. We will also be doing a guided tour of the lab on trail, while we raise money for the Fiona Elsey Cancer Research Institute.

On On

RUN 2263 – Campaspe – 30 Merino Drive, Alfredton – Monday 7th July 2025

Wow, what a turnout this week. There was a long list of Welcomes Backs that went to FOP, Her Vagesty, Spencer Hocking, Faucet, Riley, Cinderella, Dim Wit, Deep Heat and Rowena. Sniffy runs were then awarded to Pauline on 434, Nutcracker of 393, Big Dog on 242 and Cat Flaps on 11. A late addition was Bent Nose on 1551.

Mountie then stepped up to screw me! It was difficult to scribe this bit as I was out the front but there was mention of sheep, since all the streets in this area are named after types of sheep, and something about the lord is our shepherd. Mountie then recited some sections of the bible, that related more to Mountie than to me, so this got a few laughs.

NBCL was charged for ruining the Hash cash float by taking cash for the Miti Golf weekend, but then it was revealed that it was actually D&C, who paid this week with a $100, so she was charged too. We were reminded that Hash Cash works for tax department, so we should be careful when splashing cash around.

NBCL and Dim Wit began with a few jokes. Why did the chicken go to a fitness centre? - To work on her pecs. What’s the difference between Southern Cross station and a breast augmented lobster? – One is a busty crustacean, and the other is a crusty bus station. Lois then charged Mountie for a joke relating to hand grip while golfing and then Mountie charged Nutcracker for a wayward drive that hit and downed another golfer, the punchline was that it was a broken thumb, not penis, so rubbing it was not really necessary. Pink Bits then charged Disco, who went missing at her recent party, thankfully there was no shit in the fridge this time, but he was found touching things in IC’s room. Riley was then charged for his birthday and despite a few calls for other upcoming birthdays during the next week, they were delayed to our next run. Teflon then charged IC and Cinderella, because Wagga beat the Reds with a 137 to nil score. Precious was then charged for not finding a fill in scribe, as I had the tricky task of scribing my own run. There were no volunteers to help, so it’s just me, trying to make sense of it all. There was then mention of my previous neighbour who is now a convicted sex offender. Precious played horn with him, but then Precious mentioned that he was a piano teacher, who actually taught him where to put his fingers. Mountie then charged me for asking on trail why she hadn’t read my blog, but she claims she’d been distracted by Boner’s post. Boner was then charged for revealing his chin. IC then charged the GM for missing the virgin hasher, Boner is like a new man, now that we can see his chin. Pink Bits then charged Spartacus, who was the only bar fly this week, until we had some late arrivals, Boner and Deep Heat scored a drink here. Mrs D then charged Jus Cum and me, we started the run about 20 min after the pack, as I was ordering our dinner, I caught the pack at the last halt, like an elite athlete, but Jus Cum gave up and joined the walkers. Speaking of walkers, I gave the map to Nummy, but I believe she gave it to Lois. Who was in charge of the walkers? Pauline then stepped up to reveal a special penis shaped glass that he’d found during some recent cleaning up. The story was that it was ordered from a glass blowing factory in Hokitika, NZ. Once it was freshly blown, it was collected by Lois’s Mum and shipped to Australia. Precious then filled the glass dick and sculled. The Richmond supporters then scored the final charge.

Next weeks run was announced to be Mountie’s run which was said to be from the Tennis Courts in Creswick and we were asked to bring a log. This has now been amended to Mount Xavier Golf Club in Ballarat East. The bar will be open and we are reminded to bring a torch.

The following week is our Christmas in July Red Dress run. Stay tuned for more info….

On On

RUN 2262 – Shafted – Grapes Hotel on Grant St – Monday 30th June 2025 Heavy’s 10th Anniversary Memorial Run

Welcomes backs this week went to all the Vietnam peeps, Pebbles, GILF, Fascinator, Kat Flaps, Pebbles, Boner and Square Pants. Sniffy runs that were notable were GILF on 474 and People Pleaser on 13.
This week we were graced with the return of Mountie, who then stepped up to screw the run. She mentioned that we passed by many notable landmarks on this trail. These included the Eureka flag at Bakery Hill, Heavy’s house (where we sang swing low to Clark), the on after site at the Old Colonists club and the drink stop at the back of Her Majesty’s Theatre, that Heavy never made it to and we then had our drink stop at the last known site of Heavy in the gardens at SMB. Of course, there was a very well stocked drink stop of Fosters beers. The church of COOCH salutes Heavy.

Our sergeant NBCL began with a few jokes from Vietnam and then Lois was charged for giving her daughter the Hash Heavy T-shirt to wear, if you’ve seen it, you’ll know. She wore it for a run at Vic Park but then went to the chemist without realising what was on it. Half-a-bar returned from the run in a helmet, but it was Teflon who probably needed it, as he took a tumble on trail and Bent Nose was worried that he may have hit his head. At the point, it was noted that Square Pants was missing (he returned later), we were concerned that we went for a run with 2 Fosters, but only 1 came back….again! Rowdy then charged Mountie, as it was the first time in 32 years as a Dr, that he saved someone’s life, stopping her from stepping in front of a car on trail. Rowdy’s retirement was recognised and it was clarified that he could no longer write prescriptions. Those patients of Dr Rowdy are believed to have received messages of the 5 Dr’s that are replacing him. Then, if 1 Dr drinks, all Dr’s drink. That’s only me this week, as Rowdy is now retired. Rowdy had been discussing health concerns with Cris Cross, he was explaining about a device called a gyro ball that can be used to strengthen arms, but Rowdy explained that there were also other ways to do that. Pink Bits was charged for mixing up Half-a bar and Shafted. The “smart one” was supposed to differentiate them, but looking at Half-a-bar in a helmet did not help matters. Teflon then scored another charge for his “heavy” fall on trail. Half-a -bar returned his glass, saying he wasn’t getting another charge, which resulted in another charge, as he was resembling a cock with his helmet on. Which follows that if one circumcised cock drinks, all circumcised cocks drink. Half-a bar and Bent Nose took this one. We then finished up with a charge for all the Vietnam returnees, which was accompanied by Mrs D running around with her phone making helicopter noises. This audible joke worked. The last charge was a Hashy Birthday Charge to Spartacus.
Next weeks run was then announced to be from Campaspe’s (my place), 30 Merino Drive in Alfredton. BYO grog and torch. No chairs required, I have plenty.
On On

RUN 2261 – Normal and Mastabait – 611 Eyre Street with the on after at Eureka Bistro – Monday 23rd June 2025

Precious was absent this week, so Mummy dearest (Mrs Dickhead) stepped up as stand in GM. Welcomes Back this week went to Head Hunter, Big Dog, Hush Puppy, Bent Nose and Teflon. While no sniffy runs were noted, Shafted piped up to announce that he was on 869, proclaiming his own sniffy run. Half-a-bar also scored a drink for the winter solstice, shortest day, shortest hasher. He also scored a down down for thinking he could park in the neighbours driveway.

The run was then screwed by IC. He noted that there was shit on the trail, he was followed by a shit hasher, and big dog was seen to be marking his territory on trail. The run was then scored against the 6 miracles of Christ. Did we turn water into wine – yes, there were bubbles at the drink stop. Did we walk on water – No, this week it was not wet. Did we still the storm – yes, but there were gale force winds. Did we feed 5000 people – Yes, Eureka has heaps of food. Did we cure the lepers – Yes, Half-a-bar is here. Was there a resurrection – Yes, Half-a-bar and Shafted both appeared. This run scored, 5 out of 6.

Bent Nose stepped up as acting sergeant, even though he had used his 2 jokes at the drink stop. HHH was then compared to a cult, for those looking for new ventures as they age, especially as we now have the cooch cross. There was then a group charge for those standing beyond the “No stupid People beyond this point” sign. Bent Nose was also charged for reaching 15051 runs (according to his adjusted run numbers). Pauline then charged Normal for some of the notable signage in his back shed. The Geelong supporters then scored the next down down. Mrs D was then charged since we have lost SS and gained PP. Rowdy was then charged for his eulogy, and IC was charged for leading us in a rendition of Swing Low, Sweet Chariot, at SS’s memorial. There was a magnificent turnout with many Hashers past and present in attendance.

Next week’s run was then announced to be Shafted’s run from the Grapes Hotel on Grant St. This run will be a commemorative run for Heavy, on the 10th anniversary of his passing.

We then finished up with Head Hunter telling us a story of a past Ladies Hash run though the cemetery. As the Harriettes passed by a Hasher’s grave, all walked astride the site, so that their Lady Gardens could be inspected. Despite offers to repeat, she said that this is only available if you’re dead. We then relocated to Eureka Bistro for dinner.

On On