Matthew Gibney

Admin · 15 hrs

Run 1940, Hare Lois Lane from her residence.

Typically shitty Ballarat July weather all week failed to improve just because it was Monday night and the Ballarat Hash was running from Alfredton. The pack met at the home of Pauline and Lois Lane, where we were welcomed by the Fascinating GM, who greeted us with "which prick has parked in front of the drink stop car?" . Once the gender of the perpetrator (clue: not a prick) was sorted, a healthy pack of runners ran around the block, then made good use of walking trails through the suburb, making the run interesting, with varied terrain and largely sheltered from the wind and drizzle. A larger pack of walkers did their own loop and arrived at the well stocked and well chilled drink stop; after the bar flies but before the runners. Despite the chill wind a leisurely drink or two was had before the short walk back to base.

Shoes off at the front door.

The run was almost christened the 'wet spot' or 'wet sock' run, however down downs commenced with "Tommy, shut the fuck up". Which he did, briefly.

The heroics of our fellow ANZACs in London on the weekend was noted, as was the Kiwi nature of our hosts, and sympathies were genuinely expressed.

Welcomes Back to : Half a Bar, Bent Nose, and Shafted (They're stupid)

Then to Quick Dick who had to miss last week for an all expenses paid night out at the Forge. He didn't look too distressed. Also to Donuts, who was charged for having a Hash name that the GM could actually wear in public. (U.G.L.Y)

Sniffy C#unt runs D&D 1116, Fascinator 116 (Put in in your hand, Mrs Murphy)

Shafted the Screw was next up. Whingeing. "6.47 start" "the wind was too strong/cold/wet". Accused Dimwit of collecting all the shoes left at the front door. (Who let the shoes in?) Forgot to screw the run until reminded, then "the second 8 km was superb".

Lois took the Down Down (She's all right...then SHITTY TRAIL)

Mountie the Sergeant fronted despite the prophetic blood red stain on her St Kilda scarf. 1940; McDonalds came into existence, Half a Bar was reminded of his "This will never last" comment. Then she actually screwed the run and got Lois out the front (ya stupid)

Kiwis were next for the "Youse were robbed" charge (Build a Bonfire....)

Charges from Before the Run

Nutcracker for putting her G-string on backwards, eventually noticing. (you ought to be publicly pissed on... ) Dimwit for parking so well he backed into the rubbish bin (no no no, bin bin bin, down down down)

other charges; Bitch Face had a number of charges relating to the absence (apparently) of any big cocks at Hash. 'Twas a cold night.....

Fang was upset due to the shoes at the front door doing him out of a steam cleaning rip off job.

FOP had a charge just like the beer (it went flat)

Rowdy charged the GM for failing to welcome him back.

Winston Churchill's (Never... ) speech was resurrected.

Next weeks run, after much equivocation, will be at the North Britain Hotel < Hare Road Runner, trail as previous.

Meat Loaf and scalloped potatoes, green and orange vegetables, dessert and red wine, and Normal settling in for the night followed.

They done good.

8 - 7 - '19   Run 1939  Nth Bowling Club

I want a pay rise - Scribe's slipped the collar again - 
this time unannounced, & allegedly running in Qld.
Hash 30 for HER VAGESTY's run around the North - 
12 super athletes, about 15 walkers, 2 bar flys, & then 
SILIC driving to the Drink-stop. There wasn't even the 
loud, grandiose, late entry of SHAFFY. 
The run went down the hills for quite a while, thru' the 
Rail Station & down Mair, for brief run in the fabulous 
East along Peel. That's when the "equal & opposite 
reaction" kicked in, up thru' the hills of 'Soldiers', & on 
to the well stocked Iron Bark (& some Yankee brew) 
Drink-stop & chips. We obviously dodged FOP's 
home brew !!
Back at the Circle, GM FASCINATOR called "thank you 
very much", then there was a long silence.
Mystery Bus Helpers LOIS LANE, MRS DICKHEAD, 
MOUNTIE, PLUCKA & PAULINE were 1st drinks.
                     (Give us an Aaaa ...) ... from SQUIZZY.
Welcomes back for SILIC ( what's been seen in that 
photo, cannot be unseen !!), & SQUIZZY - that turned 
out to be a rebound for FASCINATOR.
In yet another night of stand-ins, no-one volunteered, 
so FOP got to screw HER VAG. He resurrected his 
FOP-ometer, using MOUNTIE's Saint's Scarf. 
The angles ranged from 60 deg. down to 20, as he 
recounted the run - very well marked (by him), 
Drink-stop well stocked with different beers, to a 
resting angle of 45 deg.
                 (Shitty trail ..... )  ... SQUIZZY again, 
Sniffyc*nt runs for FOP 380, DIMWIT 77 & 
THE BILL 1644.
                (Give us an Aaaa ...), & then SQUIZZY was
sacked, in favour of someone with the same name as
HEAD HUNTER, who knows all the songs.
A sniffyc*nt birthday for PAULINE - Happy 65.
                          (Hashy Birthday f*ck you !!),
A Hashy Birthday for the absent BEERFUCK - 
you'll do PEBBLES.
             (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ..... ),
MOUNTIE asked the Bus Driver what we owed - $550, 
& what about if D&C has sex with you on the 
back seat? Still $550 !!
                       (She's a harriette .... ),
Sergeant MOUNTIE - 1939 was the start of the War, 
so drinks for DIMWIT (Kaczkowski), & last week's 
top soldier TEFLON.
             (A soldier ..., to piss ..., for c_untry ... ),
PEBBLES for invading a Polish person, although 
he did pull out before Hitler, & 1 for SILIC, one 
of Mahatma Gandhi's 17 fasts.
                (There's a game called 20 toes ....... ),
FASCINATOR charged FOP for getting a better ride 
on HER FANNY than him, and DUMBER to MOUNTIE 
for mis-spelling Snag.
          (You're stupid, you're so f*cking dumb .... ),
MRS D charged BITCHFACE & MOUNTIE for sending 
bulk texts to the hung-over NUTCRACKER after the 
Mystery Bus.
                       (They're alright ....... ),
PUSBUCKET & SPARTACUS had spent Saturday 
night at the nudie bar.
BENTNOSE was absent for the, "he thinks he's the 
best thing since sliced bread" charge, so you're 
next in line NORMAL.
             (This is your down down song ..... ),
NUMMY charged HER VAG for the run taking us 
past all the hard rubbish - beds, tables, chairs & toys 
- we could have easily furnished a house, & then 
TEFLON to SQUIZZY & THE BILL - "What does a 
Halt mean?"
MRS D charged runners NUTCRACKER, 
HEAD HUNTER & D&C for finding out how quick 
the walk was, once they had joined in. 
                         (Give us an Aaa .... ),
Poiter NUTBUSHCLITTYLICKER had a drink for 
making it just in time for the Circle, then PEBBLES 
charged the "missing on the run" FASCINATOR 
- vote was taken to not look for him.
PAULINE charged LOIS LANE for going to a show, 
instead of seeing her team in the Grand Final.
                     (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ..... ),
Deepest Sympathy to BITCHFACE for the untimely
 passing of her Dad at 73.
Next week's run - 1940 - Hare LOIS LANE, 
On on 53 Sorrento Dve., On after Top Eureka.
Most enjoyable home cooked Bill of Fare from 
HER VAG - Pulled Pork, Chilli Non Carne, 
Tuna/Corn casserole, deserts of Eton Mess Trifle 
& Buttercake.
Call was out to "wash your own plates", but seems 
that many had the "noise cancellers" on, so the usual 
suspects stepped in, while the usual suspects didn't!! 

1st - 7 - '19. Run 1938 Mystery Bus

Hash 28 to sign the book for the Mystery Bus trip to .... umm Linton. The GM made sure Buxtons had left the office fire on, for our comfort, partaking refreshment.

They said "dress up", & the usual suspects did, & the usual suspects didn't. The 3 services of military from various countries were covered, some so camouflaged they were out of sight, & some could've easily joined the Village People, with 'big hair' that made Hairless Harry Hawkes cry in his beer. There was plenty of skin & fishnets on show for such a cold night. Rambo was there, & the Chinese Army - even Clarke Kent to celebrate the year of the 1st Superman comic.

We were busy sucking on 'Roger', with the Mystery Bus quite a way up Sturt, when they realised we needed to return to the Sheltered Workshop for Hash cutlery, that someone with the same name as

MRS DICKHEAD had forgotten.

2nd stop was at Cuthbert's Rd to pick up the 'organisers', the 3rd at Lucas for more grog - we'd already emptied the esky - disorganised GM ?? They gave the Hash Horn one job, & he forgot to bring 'it' - we almost went to Rememberance Drive.

We continued on thru' Haddon, on to the token run & (piss stop) at the Smythesdale Football Oval.

Obviously a left turn back onto Glenelg Hwy wasn't taking us to Linton, & we finished at the Motorbike Clubrooms at the Airport, welcomed by barman DONUTS.

Welcomes back for BIG DOG, BAT WOMAN, NORMAL (from the Himalayas), HER FANNY (with the welcome front) & Michelle.

TEFLON was voted best dressed, with SHAFFY the most un-1938.

(Who do you think .... Mr Hitler?),

Sergeant MOUNTIE charged PLUCKA (with sommet?), then LOIS LANE for being in the 1st Superman Comic.

(They're the meanest ..... ),

BIG DOG had a drink to celebrate the Seeing Eye Dogs, (Woof woof),

......... & NUMMY for her 'abo roots'. (She's a Harriette).

BP & BENTNOSE, and HEAD HUNTER & QUICKDICK had drinks for the 1938 Honeymoon is Over.

(Give us an A ...... ),

NORMAL charged MOUNTIE - she'd been shopping in Melb., then St Kilda (football?), & back in Ballarat, said to someone "how the fuck are you going?" - he was a stranger!!

BITCHFACE had a charge for NUTCRACKER's slutty version of BP in uniform, then QUICKDICK to

MRS DICKHEAD not being in slutty gear.

(She's alright ........... ),

SHAFTED charged MRS D - "from where I stand, I can't see HER FANNY", then TEFLON to the Navy

Girls, D&C and NUTCRACKER. NUTCRACKER said 'Poiter' wasn't here tonight,

"but he might cum later" - who knew??

(Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ............. ),

FOP had charges for GM FASCINATOR's warm beer, & the Girls in commo gear.

(They're alright .............. ),

Plenty of beer, wine, roast & veg. was enjoyed by all, along with seconds of food - well SILIC wasn't

there was he??

The frivolity continued with dancing to the ghetto blaster, with Clarke Kent soon to reveal his Superman

cape above the skimpy boxers - obviously the "HER VAG factor" kicked in , & we were spared FOP's

full Monty.

Next week's run - 1939 - Hare HER VAGESTY,

On On: North B'rat Bowling Club.

On After: Same same.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 19 hrs

Run 1937, 24/06/2019, Hare Rear Entry at the Queens Head

The Heavy Anniversary Run (aka The Fosters Flop)

A large crowd gathered at the Queens Head, many coming in the back door, for Rear Entry's mid winter run. And, boy, was it cold. All, including Shafted, gathered and set off, first alongside then across the Yarrowee, up to the Tavern, where most decided to cut across behind the wetlands to Humffray St, and variously make their way to the drink stop in the car park of the pub.

The notable absentee was Shafted, who decided AFTER ALL I HAVE TOLD HIM to wander off on his own, bamboozle himself, mistakenly follow the hash Tarts old trail up Black Hill, and turn up 45 minutes late. Most were justifiably concerned ("fucking Fosters" was frequently mentioned); Fang the only one with a big enough heart to go on a search party, the majority too scared to look because one dead Foster at the end of June is enough for any Hash.

Anyway, the prick turned up, Fang was recalled, and he went into his screw as if nothing had happened. I tell you, it smelt like Squizzy had shit himself.

The screw was brief, and ended in a version of "The Greene, Greene Grass of Home" - (Ya stupid..so fucken dumb)

Out of order, the GM announced sniffy c@nt runs to Bitch Face, 59 (all she needs is 10 toes up, and you do the maths), and as one Green drinks...(this is your down down song). Welcome back to Jungle Boy, who was contacted in a seance by Shafted, and appeared out of the blue. Pimp had a significant run with his horse Mr Quickie,and if one quickie drinks....(they're the meanest....the horses arse).

Sergeant Mountie went through the Wikipedia calendar again. 1937 :-

Tasmanian Tiger extinction - Bitch Face (Tame the Tiger)

Blood Bank opened - Head Hunter, Mountie, BF, Her Vagesty , then anyone with a uterus past or present (do ya tits hang low?)

The Hobbit first edition - Rowdy

King George VI died

Bill Lawry Born (pigeons) - Bent Nose (Give us an AAA)

Geelong FC premiership - FOP & Bait (Build a Bonfire)

Golden Gate Bridge opening - all Golden Gates (Bullshit to me)

Shafted got a beer for the Heavy Anniversary. Nutcracker let anyone who wanted nibble on her chocolate bits in honour of Rear Entry. (put your left leg over my..shoulder)

Chris Cross got a charge because kids get smarter once they leave Clunes, Pimp for being 'Mr Quickie' in name and nature, and Reary, from the convalescent Sillic, re the temperature being "minus one". (ar Sol, ar Sol a Soldier I will be)

And lastly Squizzy had a drink for the shitty smell (S H I T T Y T R A I L)

Most stayed for the good pub Meal. Pus Bucket rode his bike home WITHOUT GLOVES. What a legend!

Next week the 1938 HHH inauguration recreation Fancy Dress Ball, with a bus leaving at 6 30 pm SHARP from Buxtons Real Estate. Payments by instalment.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 1 hr

Run 1936; year of the bra. Full moon run at the Park Hotel. Dimwit the hare.
Our illustrious GM got off to a great start by welcoming the 35+ athletes to run number 1636; taking us back with one slip of the tongue to the days of our youth when Obama was besties with Tony Abbott, Collingwood was down the bottom of the ladder and plagued by players mired in betting scandals, and Sillic had 2 testicles and 2 hips.
The run was shorter than the walk, Hare Dimwit did as all retired teachers do and tried to save on chalk, inventive in that trail was brief rather then sparsely marked, the well stocked drink stop was finished for the runners by the time the walkers made it (7 20 pm), but all were in a good mood and wandered back to the pub for festivities.
Sniffy cont runs announced as The Bill 1642, and Criss Cross an almost naughty 962. ( give me an AAA)
Screw Shafted made appropriate comments, reminisced over the year of his mother’s birth ( and Heavy’s), lamented the early start and earlier finish, and commented it was “one of the best runs you’ve set”. He then unleashed his inner bush poet with a wonderful rhyming piece that will have to be published by someone else. (Ya stupid...)
Mountie, Sergeant, channeled Jeff Kennett “I’m not a fascist but...”, and called Dimwit out as our moral guardian (This is your down down song. )
Year 1936: launch of the Queen Mary
Death of the last Tasmanian tiger. (Nummy)
Isaac Isaacs finished as GG. (BentBent)
Death of multiple Royals. (God save our gracious Queen)
Birth of the - Cunning Irish airline (Quick Dick)
- Ron Barassi. (Dumb)
- Eddie Mabo. (Nummy)
- Phantom comics (pus bucket, Spartacus)
- sunscreen (BHD)
- movie Gone with the wind (Squizzy)

Charges from before the run
Criss cross back on the bike, training wheels to come off soon. Bitch Face for her birthday, Spartacus for his granddaughters birthday. Lois lamenting the intelligence of Queenslanders, when asked if her car and her caravan passed through a toll booth on the same day. ( they oughta be publicly pissed on...)
From the run.
Dimwit for being a teacher, and very directive (bossy)
Pebbles charged QD for being the only person he saw on the run. Both were charged for being seen appearing together out of the mist at the dodgy toilet block near the drink stop. (This is you down down song...)
After the run: QD charged for spending a looong time adjusting his tackle, behaviour mirrored by BP (?). A late welcome to Dame Edna. (Put it in you hand, Mrs Murphy)
Dr Death for becoming topical with the commencement of the voluntary euthanasia laws, and as one Dr drinks....

The GM then demonstrated his mastery of the situation by having no idea where next weeks run is from (? Linton), then cracking the shits when asking for “numbers only” and getting back “7, 13, 104, 66”

The usual convivial meal with too much wine followed.

Next week’s run is actually Rear Entry from the Queens Head, the week after a bus trip celebrating the birth of Hash in KL, in 1938, fancy dress and attendance intentions appreciated.

And, from the Hare:

“What do you call a monkey in a minefield?”

“BABOOM”

10 - 6 - '19   Run 1935   Queen's Head

Stand-ins all round for MOUNTIE's F**k the Queen
Democracy Run. Hash 20+, 3 bar flys, 6 walkers, the 
rest super athletes.
The Queen's Head is synonymous with a Black Hill 
climb, but MOUNTIE assured us that it was level going, 
& along Specimen Vale it was. Both groups met the bar 
flys at The Sibling's in Dyte Pde, for the Carlton Draught 
& snakes Drink-stop.
The Circle was in the beer garden, with Stand-in 
Grogmaster BIG DOG pouring for BITCHFACE, who's 
gone walkabout Interstate for her Birthday.
Welcomes back for DIMWIT & NUTBUSHCLITTYLICKER
Poiter, with Stand-in Choirmaster FOP in charge of 
songs.
Sniffycunt runs were FASCINATOR 111, HER VAGESTY
121, GLIDER 756 & CHRIS CROS 961.
                          (Give us an A ..... ).
Stand-in Screw PUSBUCKET had his chance to screw 
MOUNTIE for the 2nd time in the day, & began saying,
that the Religious Adviser had intervened with such
good weather. We were in the fabulous East, home of 
democracy, & the walkers got to follow the trail of the
"Arse-wipe Brits" from Eureka days. The run was like 
"his" dick, short & well marked, with a happy ending.
MOUNTIE had kept runners & walkers together, & the 
snakes were well provisioned.
                            (Shitty trail ........ ).
'Real' Sergeant MOUNTIE frocked up again, & began 
with the sniffycunts of 1935 - Luna Park Sydney 
opened, 'just for fun' - a drink for NUTCRACKER, 
Collingwood won the VFL Grand Final over South 
Melbourne - drinks for CHRIS CROS & PUSBUCKET, 
& then, new Athlete HER VAG was called out for being 
on her phone. 
                (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ...... ).
STUBBY & PUSBUCKET were next for 1935 - the 1st
beer sold in cans, then MOUNTIE for having such a 
reverent Hash night.
                     ( .... your Down Down song .... ).
HEAD HUNTER & QUICKDICK had a drink for the 
conflict between Arians & Jews, & PUSBUCKET for 
the, "wife hit by the bus, but she does keep the house 
clean" gag.
                            (She's alright ..... ).
D&C charged DIMWIT for his recent 'significant' 
Birthday.
                      (His foreskin hangs down ........ ).
                  &   (Hashy Birthday fuck you ..... ).
DIMWIT stayed out for saying that the gags on Front Bar 
weren't much, & TEFLON charged FASCINATOR for 
thinking on the run, that the wooden Eureka soldiers
were the runners.
                         (They're the meanest ....... ).
MOUNTIE charged football coach NUTBUSHCLITTY-
LICKER Poiter, for his tough day at the office - his Side
was 60 points down at 1/4 time, eventually losing by 150.
                             (No, no .... ).
CHRIS CROS charged BIG DOG for sommet (?) about the
$25,000 kelpie at the weekend, then PUSBUCKET to
MOUNTIE for the 'lipstick on the collar', being the one he
wiped his dick on.
DIMWIT's (better than Front Bar) zinger .... 6" long, goes 
in hard ... blah, blah .... the toothbrush, & FASCINATOR's 
to PUSBUCKET .... 3am lecture about grog, from the wife.
                         (A soldier, to piss, for c_ntry ..... ).

Next week's Run - 1936 - Hare DIMWIT, On On, Park View.

A very quiet & reverent Dinner was enjoyed, prior to 
retiring for the "lecture about grog'.

July 1st. Run 1938. Mystery Bus from Buxton's Cnr.,
Sturt & Raglan. Short run & 1938 theme (Hash 
beginnings). 1938 prices. 

Stand-in Scribe, over & out.

MATTHEW GIBNEY

Run 1934 Bait & Normal @ Grant St Grapes Hotel.

A large crowd gathered in the cold and gloom of the fabulous East, to join The Committee and the Hares in celebrating a wonderful event:

sesquicentenary
/ˌsɛskwɪsɛnˈtiːn(ə)ri,ˌsɛskwɪsɛnˈtɛn(ə)ri/
noun
1.
the one-hundred-and-fiftieth anniversary of a significant event.

Original inaugural runners attended (Morton, Dirty Dick) as well as elder statesmen (Sunshine Slit, Glider, Stubby) to wish Dazed and Confused all the best; perhaps taking the longest time EVER to go from run number 1 to run number 150. But more of that later.

SS was so excited he raided his supply of washed, ironed and carefully folded H3 Tshirts to gift to new runner Orri. Alas, Orri has no sense of occasion, and decided to not attend. His Tshirts have returned to the suitcase from whence they came.

The runners wound their way to the Eureka flag roundabout (as is fitting for an auspicious occasion) and did their duty, then met the short cutting walkers at the first drink stop (flagon muscat, warming on a cold night). The walkers took the short flat route to the crown larger and home brew (excellent, thanks Croc) drink and chip stop, the runners toughed it out up and down hills and through the haunted SMB campus. All arrived safely, including an apparition of Butt Fork, who appeared out of BF nowhere, then was gone in the click of her fingers. The Bill and Plucka sauntered into the drink stop a little later looking wet, flushed and happy.

Down Downs in the bar; Welcome back to the disputed inaugural runner (confirmed by SS, disputed by Bent Nose) Dirty Dick, who has aged as well as his name might suggest. And as one Dick drinks, all dicks and inaugural runners drink. ("Give me a Dick...") Welcome back also to the bra (thanks Precious), Donuts, and Criss Cross, GILF and Stubby ("As I was walking through the woods...")
BHD, Mrs D, Half a Bar also ("they oughta be publicly...")

Screw Shafted again forgot to screw the run. He digressed into back alleys, covering up before entering (no stealthing either), institutional anal sex (only after he asked the Billy Goat to kneel), and reminiscence about the African Red Dress run/shirt debacle. Normal refused to take offence, and Bait failed to fit into his shirt. (S H I T T Y T R A I L)

Sergeant Mountie frocked up again, this week adding an ACB beanie to her ensemble. Her homework done, she charged Glider for being the only one present at the opening of the Shrine of Remembrance in 1934, although he doesn't remember it. Bitch Face got one for being Tasmanian, like the then PM Joe Lyons, Fascinator the Fuhrer charge, along with anyone with a Jewish surname. All Peters were up as Peter Pan won the Melbourne Cup. The first ute in Australia led to a charge for all with a uterus (and that includes you Normal). Donald Duck, > Plucka, Shirley Temple, > Precious, Loch Ness Monster, > Dirty Dick....and all dicks ("Do your tits hang low...He's the meanest, ...This is your down down song, ...What a wank")

Charges before the run: Plucka had dirty notes from the committee meeting, Shafted had a dirty napkin, Dirty Dick had a dirty number plate (RU1469), Bitch Face was dirty when her charge was ignored. (There's a game called 20 toes...)
Some banter I failed to understand regarding barbecues and busses, and a sight gag involving a stick figure with a dirty dick. A heart felt charge from the barflies welcoming two new members, Quick Dick and Head Hunter, Normal for going to Nepal, Criss Cross for falling off his bike, and Rowdy for wearing the Normal T shirt to the Normal run.

A good pub meal with the usual banter and red wine followed.

Next week, Queens Birthday, from the Queens Head.

Oh, and Dazed and Confused was belatedly recognised for her 150th sesquicentenary run, after most had departed. Well done, Maxi.