Matthew Gibney

Admin · 19 hrs

Run 1937, 24/06/2019, Hare Rear Entry at the Queens Head

The Heavy Anniversary Run (aka The Fosters Flop)

A large crowd gathered at the Queens Head, many coming in the back door, for Rear Entry's mid winter run. And, boy, was it cold. All, including Shafted, gathered and set off, first alongside then across the Yarrowee, up to the Tavern, where most decided to cut across behind the wetlands to Humffray St, and variously make their way to the drink stop in the car park of the pub.

The notable absentee was Shafted, who decided AFTER ALL I HAVE TOLD HIM to wander off on his own, bamboozle himself, mistakenly follow the hash Tarts old trail up Black Hill, and turn up 45 minutes late. Most were justifiably concerned ("fucking Fosters" was frequently mentioned); Fang the only one with a big enough heart to go on a search party, the majority too scared to look because one dead Foster at the end of June is enough for any Hash.

Anyway, the prick turned up, Fang was recalled, and he went into his screw as if nothing had happened. I tell you, it smelt like Squizzy had shit himself.

The screw was brief, and ended in a version of "The Greene, Greene Grass of Home" - (Ya stupid..so fucken dumb)

Out of order, the GM announced sniffy c@nt runs to Bitch Face, 59 (all she needs is 10 toes up, and you do the maths), and as one Green drinks...(this is your down down song). Welcome back to Jungle Boy, who was contacted in a seance by Shafted, and appeared out of the blue. Pimp had a significant run with his horse Mr Quickie,and if one quickie drinks....(they're the meanest....the horses arse).

Sergeant Mountie went through the Wikipedia calendar again. 1937 :-

Tasmanian Tiger extinction - Bitch Face (Tame the Tiger)

Blood Bank opened - Head Hunter, Mountie, BF, Her Vagesty , then anyone with a uterus past or present (do ya tits hang low?)

The Hobbit first edition - Rowdy

King George VI died

Bill Lawry Born (pigeons) - Bent Nose (Give us an AAA)

Geelong FC premiership - FOP & Bait (Build a Bonfire)

Golden Gate Bridge opening - all Golden Gates (Bullshit to me)

Shafted got a beer for the Heavy Anniversary. Nutcracker let anyone who wanted nibble on her chocolate bits in honour of Rear Entry. (put your left leg over my..shoulder)

Chris Cross got a charge because kids get smarter once they leave Clunes, Pimp for being 'Mr Quickie' in name and nature, and Reary, from the convalescent Sillic, re the temperature being "minus one". (ar Sol, ar Sol a Soldier I will be)

And lastly Squizzy had a drink for the shitty smell (S H I T T Y T R A I L)

Most stayed for the good pub Meal. Pus Bucket rode his bike home WITHOUT GLOVES. What a legend!

Next week the 1938 HHH inauguration recreation Fancy Dress Ball, with a bus leaving at 6 30 pm SHARP from Buxtons Real Estate. Payments by instalment.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 1 hr

Run 1936; year of the bra. Full moon run at the Park Hotel. Dimwit the hare.
Our illustrious GM got off to a great start by welcoming the 35+ athletes to run number 1636; taking us back with one slip of the tongue to the days of our youth when Obama was besties with Tony Abbott, Collingwood was down the bottom of the ladder and plagued by players mired in betting scandals, and Sillic had 2 testicles and 2 hips.
The run was shorter than the walk, Hare Dimwit did as all retired teachers do and tried to save on chalk, inventive in that trail was brief rather then sparsely marked, the well stocked drink stop was finished for the runners by the time the walkers made it (7 20 pm), but all were in a good mood and wandered back to the pub for festivities.
Sniffy cont runs announced as The Bill 1642, and Criss Cross an almost naughty 962. ( give me an AAA)
Screw Shafted made appropriate comments, reminisced over the year of his mother’s birth ( and Heavy’s), lamented the early start and earlier finish, and commented it was “one of the best runs you’ve set”. He then unleashed his inner bush poet with a wonderful rhyming piece that will have to be published by someone else. (Ya stupid...)
Mountie, Sergeant, channeled Jeff Kennett “I’m not a fascist but...”, and called Dimwit out as our moral guardian (This is your down down song. )
Year 1936: launch of the Queen Mary
Death of the last Tasmanian tiger. (Nummy)
Isaac Isaacs finished as GG. (BentBent)
Death of multiple Royals. (God save our gracious Queen)
Birth of the - Cunning Irish airline (Quick Dick)
- Ron Barassi. (Dumb)
- Eddie Mabo. (Nummy)
- Phantom comics (pus bucket, Spartacus)
- sunscreen (BHD)
- movie Gone with the wind (Squizzy)

Charges from before the run
Criss cross back on the bike, training wheels to come off soon. Bitch Face for her birthday, Spartacus for his granddaughters birthday. Lois lamenting the intelligence of Queenslanders, when asked if her car and her caravan passed through a toll booth on the same day. ( they oughta be publicly pissed on...)
From the run.
Dimwit for being a teacher, and very directive (bossy)
Pebbles charged QD for being the only person he saw on the run. Both were charged for being seen appearing together out of the mist at the dodgy toilet block near the drink stop. (This is you down down song...)
After the run: QD charged for spending a looong time adjusting his tackle, behaviour mirrored by BP (?). A late welcome to Dame Edna. (Put it in you hand, Mrs Murphy)
Dr Death for becoming topical with the commencement of the voluntary euthanasia laws, and as one Dr drinks....

The GM then demonstrated his mastery of the situation by having no idea where next weeks run is from (? Linton), then cracking the shits when asking for “numbers only” and getting back “7, 13, 104, 66”

The usual convivial meal with too much wine followed.

Next week’s run is actually Rear Entry from the Queens Head, the week after a bus trip celebrating the birth of Hash in KL, in 1938, fancy dress and attendance intentions appreciated.

And, from the Hare:

“What do you call a monkey in a minefield?”

“BABOOM”

10 - 6 - '19   Run 1935   Queen's Head

Stand-ins all round for MOUNTIE's F**k the Queen
Democracy Run. Hash 20+, 3 bar flys, 6 walkers, the 
rest super athletes.
The Queen's Head is synonymous with a Black Hill 
climb, but MOUNTIE assured us that it was level going, 
& along Specimen Vale it was. Both groups met the bar 
flys at The Sibling's in Dyte Pde, for the Carlton Draught 
& snakes Drink-stop.
The Circle was in the beer garden, with Stand-in 
Grogmaster BIG DOG pouring for BITCHFACE, who's 
gone walkabout Interstate for her Birthday.
Welcomes back for DIMWIT & NUTBUSHCLITTYLICKER
Poiter, with Stand-in Choirmaster FOP in charge of 
songs.
Sniffycunt runs were FASCINATOR 111, HER VAGESTY
121, GLIDER 756 & CHRIS CROS 961.
                          (Give us an A ..... ).
Stand-in Screw PUSBUCKET had his chance to screw 
MOUNTIE for the 2nd time in the day, & began saying,
that the Religious Adviser had intervened with such
good weather. We were in the fabulous East, home of 
democracy, & the walkers got to follow the trail of the
"Arse-wipe Brits" from Eureka days. The run was like 
"his" dick, short & well marked, with a happy ending.
MOUNTIE had kept runners & walkers together, & the 
snakes were well provisioned.
                            (Shitty trail ........ ).
'Real' Sergeant MOUNTIE frocked up again, & began 
with the sniffycunts of 1935 - Luna Park Sydney 
opened, 'just for fun' - a drink for NUTCRACKER, 
Collingwood won the VFL Grand Final over South 
Melbourne - drinks for CHRIS CROS & PUSBUCKET, 
& then, new Athlete HER VAG was called out for being 
on her phone. 
                (Put it in your hand Mrs Murphy ...... ).
STUBBY & PUSBUCKET were next for 1935 - the 1st
beer sold in cans, then MOUNTIE for having such a 
reverent Hash night.
                     ( .... your Down Down song .... ).
HEAD HUNTER & QUICKDICK had a drink for the 
conflict between Arians & Jews, & PUSBUCKET for 
the, "wife hit by the bus, but she does keep the house 
clean" gag.
                            (She's alright ..... ).
D&C charged DIMWIT for his recent 'significant' 
Birthday.
                      (His foreskin hangs down ........ ).
                  &   (Hashy Birthday fuck you ..... ).
DIMWIT stayed out for saying that the gags on Front Bar 
weren't much, & TEFLON charged FASCINATOR for 
thinking on the run, that the wooden Eureka soldiers
were the runners.
                         (They're the meanest ....... ).
MOUNTIE charged football coach NUTBUSHCLITTY-
LICKER Poiter, for his tough day at the office - his Side
was 60 points down at 1/4 time, eventually losing by 150.
                             (No, no .... ).
CHRIS CROS charged BIG DOG for sommet (?) about the
$25,000 kelpie at the weekend, then PUSBUCKET to
MOUNTIE for the 'lipstick on the collar', being the one he
wiped his dick on.
DIMWIT's (better than Front Bar) zinger .... 6" long, goes 
in hard ... blah, blah .... the toothbrush, & FASCINATOR's 
to PUSBUCKET .... 3am lecture about grog, from the wife.
                         (A soldier, to piss, for c_ntry ..... ).

Next week's Run - 1936 - Hare DIMWIT, On On, Park View.

A very quiet & reverent Dinner was enjoyed, prior to 
retiring for the "lecture about grog'.

July 1st. Run 1938. Mystery Bus from Buxton's Cnr.,
Sturt & Raglan. Short run & 1938 theme (Hash 
beginnings). 1938 prices. 

Stand-in Scribe, over & out.

MATTHEW GIBNEY

Run 1934 Bait & Normal @ Grant St Grapes Hotel.

A large crowd gathered in the cold and gloom of the fabulous East, to join The Committee and the Hares in celebrating a wonderful event:

sesquicentenary
/ˌsɛskwɪsɛnˈtiːn(ə)ri,ˌsɛskwɪsɛnˈtɛn(ə)ri/
noun
1.
the one-hundred-and-fiftieth anniversary of a significant event.

Original inaugural runners attended (Morton, Dirty Dick) as well as elder statesmen (Sunshine Slit, Glider, Stubby) to wish Dazed and Confused all the best; perhaps taking the longest time EVER to go from run number 1 to run number 150. But more of that later.

SS was so excited he raided his supply of washed, ironed and carefully folded H3 Tshirts to gift to new runner Orri. Alas, Orri has no sense of occasion, and decided to not attend. His Tshirts have returned to the suitcase from whence they came.

The runners wound their way to the Eureka flag roundabout (as is fitting for an auspicious occasion) and did their duty, then met the short cutting walkers at the first drink stop (flagon muscat, warming on a cold night). The walkers took the short flat route to the crown larger and home brew (excellent, thanks Croc) drink and chip stop, the runners toughed it out up and down hills and through the haunted SMB campus. All arrived safely, including an apparition of Butt Fork, who appeared out of BF nowhere, then was gone in the click of her fingers. The Bill and Plucka sauntered into the drink stop a little later looking wet, flushed and happy.

Down Downs in the bar; Welcome back to the disputed inaugural runner (confirmed by SS, disputed by Bent Nose) Dirty Dick, who has aged as well as his name might suggest. And as one Dick drinks, all dicks and inaugural runners drink. ("Give me a Dick...") Welcome back also to the bra (thanks Precious), Donuts, and Criss Cross, GILF and Stubby ("As I was walking through the woods...")
BHD, Mrs D, Half a Bar also ("they oughta be publicly...")

Screw Shafted again forgot to screw the run. He digressed into back alleys, covering up before entering (no stealthing either), institutional anal sex (only after he asked the Billy Goat to kneel), and reminiscence about the African Red Dress run/shirt debacle. Normal refused to take offence, and Bait failed to fit into his shirt. (S H I T T Y T R A I L)

Sergeant Mountie frocked up again, this week adding an ACB beanie to her ensemble. Her homework done, she charged Glider for being the only one present at the opening of the Shrine of Remembrance in 1934, although he doesn't remember it. Bitch Face got one for being Tasmanian, like the then PM Joe Lyons, Fascinator the Fuhrer charge, along with anyone with a Jewish surname. All Peters were up as Peter Pan won the Melbourne Cup. The first ute in Australia led to a charge for all with a uterus (and that includes you Normal). Donald Duck, > Plucka, Shirley Temple, > Precious, Loch Ness Monster, > Dirty Dick....and all dicks ("Do your tits hang low...He's the meanest, ...This is your down down song, ...What a wank")

Charges before the run: Plucka had dirty notes from the committee meeting, Shafted had a dirty napkin, Dirty Dick had a dirty number plate (RU1469), Bitch Face was dirty when her charge was ignored. (There's a game called 20 toes...)
Some banter I failed to understand regarding barbecues and busses, and a sight gag involving a stick figure with a dirty dick. A heart felt charge from the barflies welcoming two new members, Quick Dick and Head Hunter, Normal for going to Nepal, Criss Cross for falling off his bike, and Rowdy for wearing the Normal T shirt to the Normal run.

A good pub meal with the usual banter and red wine followed.

Next week, Queens Birthday, from the Queens Head.

Oh, and Dazed and Confused was belatedly recognised for her 150th sesquicentenary run, after most had departed. Well done, Maxi.

Matthew Gibney

Admin · 21 May at 18:49

Run 1932 Chriss Cross Platypus Drive, Mt Clear
A full moon, a red moon, a bad moon rising greeted the pack prophetically as we arrived at the home of our accident prone Hare, Chriss Cross, all shell shocked from the weekend's events. All apart from Rear Entry, who true to form came in the back door, whistling Dixie, seemingly without a care in the world.
Walkers walked the walk, led by Bent Nose, and met up with the running pack at Lylia Drive, site of a previous Chriss Cross run. Together we explored the bush trails at the back of Damascus, and ended simultaneously at the drink stop, where no arguments were had until Sillic went looking for another traveller, forlorn until he read the fine print on the girly drink which stated "sugar free". All of a sudden it tasted sweet indeed.
Back at the ranch delicious soup was supplied to all and sundry to unanimous acclaim.
The circle got underway; but wait! no glasses to drink from. Grog Master Bitch Face turned up without utensils, losing 15 years of Hash history after 3 weeks in the job. A Bad Moon indeed.
Sniffycant runs to the same Bitch Face, 55, Quick Dick 88, Hare Chriss Cross 959, and Shafted 626 (This is your down down song...)
Also Rowdy 1200 runs (He's the meanest...) and drank out of a new aluminium pot glass.
Screw Shafted brought a Prop, Mr Squiggle's White board, ably assisted by Glider ("Hurry up!") , and managed a drawing that took in bicycle accidents (one nut sheared off, just like Sillic), the election (I believe in miracles, How good is Queensland !!), Hot Chocolate (Everyone's a winner), noughts and crosses, and ended up with a drawing which resembled both Chriss Cross, and Bent's nose at the same time.
When reminded he had forgotten to actually screw the run, he descended into abuse regarding grey assed flakey things that resembled trail, had a go at absent left arms, and said the trail was "actually Bent-assed".. (S H I T T Y T R A I L).
The frocked up Sergeant had Rowdy out again for 1200 runs, also Orry and Normal for something (Mrs Murphy). Masturbate charged bad hair Day in sympathy for the loss of his Aunty Doris, and all the left leaning members had a drink to Bob Hawke's timely but sad passing.(so fucken dumb)
1932 saw the date of Glider's first root, a dog placed on a tuckerbox, the rise of the 3rd Reich, and the great depression. Charges to half the Hash (There's a track winding Back...)
Mountie visited Tasmania to see the giant vagina, only for it to be missing in action. Other giant, unused vaginas were invited out the front, and as one giant vagina drinks, all... (Normal) (Here's the these cu ..giant vaginas...nts)
Charges from the election: Sco Mo's resemblance to Big Dog was noted. (him, him , Fuck him)
Dumb was charged for having the memory of an elephant, Two Dicks for noting the size of men's feet, Chriss Cross for having big feet. (his one skin hangs down.. )
Rowdy got another charge or 3 for 1200 runs and then his handwriting became indecipherable so that's all I can tell you.
Twas a good night, finished off by a large crowd at the Top Eureka. Sillic has a large pizza, most others had small.
Next week's run is from the Num and Dumb ranch at 103 Cuthberts Rd, corner of Alfredton Drive. Rear Entry is both welcome and recommended.

From Matthew Gibney's Facebook

15 May at 15:53

13 May 2019, Run 1931, Hare: Head Hunter
With Quick Dick confined to domestic duties only due to ill health, Hare Head Hunter led a very substantial pack on a well set run, south to White flat oval, along the Yarrowee a way until a right turn out of the valley, winding up to ACU until a run home down Webster St led to a dilapidated drink stop where the pack was met by the walkers, and Sillic, who managed in Lazarus like manner to make it to the free drinks AND BACK!
(that was a long sentence)
Back in the shed Fascinator led a divided Hash in the down downs. The witches of Eastwick managed to come back from the Far North with a contagious tropical disease, and unlike Quick Dick, thought they would attempt to spread it throughout Ballarat. Despite separate segregated drinking vessels they managed to intermingle quite freely. Ex GM SOS (jeSOS to himself) sensibly stayed away, and given the new tiny tidy addition to his family, "Hugo John", made a wise choice to remain of of harm's way for the time being. Congratulations to SOS and Riana on the birth.
Welcomes back to Phuckwit Phil, Pimp, and Squizzy (UGLY, you're UGLY)
Sniffycant runs to Head Hunter 180, Nut Cracker 85, and Mrs Dickhead 600-20 (must be a teacher to do a sum like that!) .. (She's all right)
Sniffycant win to Melbourne FC, and the few supporters had a consolation drink. The fewer who attended Hash last week also had a drink (get a life...)
Strange. The screw doesn't know which way he wants to do it. So far a song, then a nursery rhyme, and after producing nothing this week, Nummy Nummy Num Num saved the day with her interpretive dance /sign language which had the audience in stitches (except for the witches who were busy coughing and blowing noses. Who'd a thought Nut Cracker would be that full ??)
Anyway , run 19/31 : the age difference between Quick Dick and the lovely Head Hunter. There was a Heavy stop ("for fuck's sake, I don't want to go there")
A+ (S H I T T Y Trail)
Sergeant Mountie frocked up and announced that in 1931 Isaac Isaacs was Governor General of Australia, and Bent reminded us that White Nose won the Melbourne Cup. What he didn't tell us was that he beat Phar Lap in his last ever run in Australia. Phar Lap left the country and committed suicide. You bastard, (yar Stupid)
In the same year a Kiwi flight carrying illegal immigrants crash landed on the way to Australia (been using boats ever since), PM Joe Lyons oversaw a 10% reduction in the basic wage (charges to imperial employers Shafted and Dr Death) and in a rare ray of good news Australia gained a degree of independence from the UK.
Charges from QLD: Pus Bucket: "She's old, fat, ugly and can't skull." Except she reckons she CAN skull. (20 toes)
Nut Bush CL got the "fly in, fly down, and fly out" charge (Mrs Murphy)
Sillic told a good one, charging Susan from last week (.... How do you get dick from Michael ???) On the rebound, Sillic got a charge for being fat (>> UGLY), the Rowdy was charged for overseeing Sillic's de-evolution; and as one Dr drinks... (publicly Pissed on)
Phuckwit was charged for sacking Normal after 2 days employment, D&C for being ground zero with the ebola like flu.
Drink Stop: Dimwit left his horn behind; Orri had a horn on the run (and NEW SHOES)
and so it went on and petered out.

27 went to Top Eureka. Bitch Face shared her red wine (thank you) as well as her disease.

Next week's run is from Chriss Cross's place, 18 Platypus Drive, near the Mt Clear football oval, but please park at the front to avoid being bogged.

6 - 5 - '19         Run 1930          Market Pub

While the Cats were away ( socializing with the white shoe & 
Gucci beautiful people, in the warmer climes of FNQ), the 
mice were left to play at the Market, albeit not too many, Hash
18 in fact ( 5 bras !!). BITCHFACE was the only refugee from 
the Daintree - poor soul had to 'work' next day.
PRECIOUS wore 'the' bra to head up the super athletes on the
run, that he told us was the 1st run with a halt & 2 Drink-stops.
No idea of what happened next - the stand-in Screw took on 
the mantle of bar fly.
GM FASCINATOR welcomed TRIPLE K from Hobart, who was 
in transit in the 4 berth 'Winnie', with her 2 dogs.
Some gags followed - SS running to the car for his viagra, 
BHD at the girlfriend's, going to the car for condoms, & 
DIMWIT's sour pus. 
SHAFTED sent a great limerick (?) that was read out, then 
LOIS LANE gave HALF A BAR a drink for BAR LICKER's 
dog dying.
DIMWIT's Market zinger - Rabbits in reverse, receding hareline.

Next week's run 1931 - Hares HEAD HUNTER & QUICKDICK.
On on, 3 Davey St., On after, Top Eureka.