Run #2200!! (6 May 2024)

 Run #2200 GM Teflon from Home! 

What a big night it was!

We started by welcoming the virgins, Caitlin and Alister  Quick Dick and HeadHunter had made them come. 

We also welcomed back Wendy! 

We reminisced about years gone by, 1983, our first Sovereign Hash Run. All hashers who weren’t born yet were charged (mostly Dickhead &Co.) 

Bent Nose reminded us how he was there 2200 runs ago as a visiting runner, unfortunately, we can not return him. 

NUM NUM came out to screw our GM, Teflon, and score him against the properties of himself. 

Low Water Absorption - Juz Cum walked on water just like Jesus, Precious asked where JeSOS was? 

Hydro Phobic - Juz Cum didn’t mix with that puddle. 

Chemical Inertness - Tahlia didn’t bring a torch and could not look out for an attack. 

Non-stick -No one fell over! 

Heat Resistant -  Precious ran in his huge jacket. 

Low Friction -  The Bill didn’t stick to Nummy. 

All of Hash wondered where Mountie was, lots of bushes and hills just for her! 

Sharfted was inspired by our Choir Master from yesteryear, Pauline, and sang us all a tune… what Sharfted lacks in talent he makes up for in cheer! 

GM noted that the man that ran Sov Hash run #1 should be Sargent for the evening, luck that’s his job!

Some charges included: 

Bent Noce charged himself for a palindromic run number 1515 and I drank in Specer Hocking’s absence for his equal love of palindromes and snorting. 

Nut Craker was charged for her Hashy Birthday! 

Late Welcome back to Force It (Faucet) 

DNC was charged for her namesake of getting a bit confused in the bush.

Campaspe and Juz Cum came together and didn’t remember it, and Wendy too, maybe…? I was distracted by the girlxgirl action! 

Disco was charged for punching Immaculate Conception hard enough for emergency surgery.

The circle was distracted by Normal's cracking cooking ability, almost setting the house on fire! 

Disco and Big Dog were charged for nabbing free committee beer, how typical! 

Next Week’s Run 

NUM NUM from home

103 Cuthberts Road, Corner of Alferton Drive. 

BRING YOUR TOGS!

Run # 2199 (29 Apr 2024)

 Precious from the Park Hotel 

This week was all about me!!! Pink for Pink Bits Run #100! It took me almost 100 weeks!

We welcomed Deep Heat, Doodle Nuts, D&C, Ding Dong, Shayne and Plucker back to Hash. And they were taken away with the virgin, Tahlia. 

Num Num came out to screw Precious, Ms D asked her to be gentle as it had been some time for poor Precious. He scored fairly well against the properties of Teflon...

Non-Stick - The past GM, Nut Bush Clitty Licker, had a bit of a tumble and rolled for over 20m (or so we are told) while on trail. 

Heat Resistant - Ding Dong ran in her full winter fit. Including a beanie and ski jacket. Plenty of heat up in there. 

Hydrophobic - for those who didn't hear... someone shit in our fridge. It was both Hydro Phobic and Homo Phobic! WHO SHITS IN A FRIDGE!?

Low Friction - Num Num and Hasher formally known as Randolf (Cinderella) ran slowly and took a massive shortcut on the run. 

Chemical Inertness - Deep Heat did not move much at all! 

We had no Sargent so Puss Bucket stood in, he said many funny things. Some are listed below:

- Bad Hair Day was charged for being horny for over 50 years (what a lucky man) 

- Quick Dick got charged for doing the city loop multiple times (must have been a very good nap) 

- Pigs Arse was charged for training for Hash by doing a half marathon (SHAME) 

- Dumb and Dumber showed off his new Keeper of the Book Outfit. Including a lock box and chain belt (they are back in style!) 

- Carpet Burns fell for the classic blunder, and struggled to tell the Dickhead boys apart (I have a trick on how to do it, but I'm not telling her) and she told most of Hash either the wrong hare or location for this week. 

- Both Daniel and I made Tahlia cum 

Puss Bucket finished off the circle by telling us all a Bar Fly tale, Donuts reworded it into a much funnier joke. 

"Three smoking hot blonde babes (Mountie, D&C and Nut Cracker) walked into a bar, and Snags told them to close the fucking door." 

Next Weeks Run: 

Teflon and GILF (10 Taylor Crt Ivermay)  

Wear your oldest Hash Gear for Run #2200

Run #2198 (22 Apr 2024)

Run # 2198 from The Ballarat Squash Center - Pigs Arse 

The new GM welcomed the massive group and spent a minute to recognise the upcoming ANZAC Day. We wanted to remember all the people who have done something for this country and he explained how without the armed forces, we would not have hash. Teflon said lots of words and numbers but I refuse to remember EVERYTHING so here's the link to Wikipedia... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hash_House_Harriers
Num Num came out to screw Pigs Arse for the first time, she revealed to us all her scoreboard, complete with the 6 properties of TEFLON. 
- Non-stick 
- Low Friction 
- Heat Resistant
- Low Water Absorption 
- Hydrophobic 
- Chemical Inertness 
Pigs Arse scored 4/6 "Good Run" 
The main joke of the week was the missing book. No thanks to the NEW Keeper of the Book, Dumb and Dumber (who was too scared to attend this week's run). The barman was the smartest of the group and found the BOOK!!!! No one knew what happened to the book but we are so very glad she is home and in the loving arms of Dumb and Dumber. 

Next week's run is Precious from a location, keep an eye on the emails, Facebook and pigeons for more info.

Run # 2197 (15 Apr 2024)

Run #2197 from Platypus Drive - Cris Cros 

The new GM welcomed us all and called out the welcome backs for a charge, Plucker, Just David, Faucet (force it?), The Bill and SS. 
As SS had fucked off for the last few weeks, he was awarded the ShitHouse Run of the Year for getting us a lifetime ban from the lake view hotel. Fuck you Lake View! 
Pigs Arse gave Cris Cros a screw, pointing out how Precious had a tumble on the run. The fool did a very good job of protecting the Hash Horn by falling hard on his hands bleeding all the way home. 
Cris Cros was reminded that (the runners) are simple people, and got lost at the end. Who knew they needed to run towards the drink stop!?
The loudest Sargeant known to Hash began calling charges from the floor, some funny. Some terrible. 
Quick Dick did point out how Mountie struggled with some chicken wire on the run, the height of this wire was widely debated. However, it did its job very well, catching an old chook! 
Dim Witt did his job so very well and ended the circle with a joke that fell so very flat. 
Please look to the Members only Facebook for Hash Flash Pics :) 
Next Weeks Run - Pigs Arse from Ballarat Squash Courts
ON ON Pink Bits 

Nothin Sticks 2024-2025 Committee

 

Grand Master - Teflon  Choir Master - Mrs Dickhead  Grog Master - Disco  Religious Advisor - SS Hash Horn - Precious  Keeper of the Book - Dumb & Dumber  Hash Scribe - Pink Bits Sergent at Arms - Bent Nose  Hash Cash - GILF  Hash Screw - Num Num Trail Master - Carpet Burns  Hash Flash - Immaculate Conception  Haberdasher - ??? Keeper of the HaShit - Lois Lane

Scribe: Precious Run # 2117, 7 November 2022. Pink Bits from the Eastern Oval

Scribe: Precious
Run # 2117, 7 November 2022.
Pink Bits from the Eastern Oval

Pink Bits from the Eastern Oval

It’s time… for sport discussion.
At the Eastern Oval, we find ourselves with a lot of scribing to do. But when compared to the previous week, they both average out to a normal quantity of scribing for a fortnight.
The sports talk began with commemorating W. Grace and the WBBL that had occurred at the ground. But this was not enough for Pusbucket. He needed discuss some “contemporary” history. This contemporary “history” began with the Indigenous tour of England in 1868 which culminated in a game being played in Australia at the Eastern Oval. In slightly more “contemporary” history, Pusbucket went back to 1975, where he detailed a fighting loss. This loss came courtesy of Spencer Hocking and Mr Kevin “FOP Sr” Kelly, in which an outbounds on the full caused a loss that Spence is still reeling from to this day. Pusbucket, now 20 minutes in, hit us with the “long story short”. He then told the tale of Damien Ryan, who entered a long throwing competition. “Long story short” he beat everyone on the first thrown and then went on to beat England. But Damien Ryan isn’t here, so Pusbucket will do. (What a wank)
Welcomes backs to Randalf, SS, Normal, Fanf, Her Vaj and Seth. (Get a life)
Campaspe then took to the front to screw the run. She described it going up, down, through shiggy, through streets, and having a bit of everything, including trail under cars. It was decided that the trail either looked like dragon, or a camel with a toe. (Shitty trail)
Quick Dick lead the sergeanting, even though his glory days were at another oval somewhere else. It was noted at first that Spence is best known in the east for times he took many a young boy under his wing. Spence was heard to remark “you had to be there”. Another highlight of the run that the screw missed was the coffin-esque esky, which QD thought have been left over from Tommy Half a Bar’s Halloween attire. Pauline was then heard to retort that it couldn’t have been Tommy’s because “there was ice in it”. (Get back in the kitchen)
QD then charged Fang for spending 25 minutes looking through the book, which cause QD to be late to leave for the run, only for QD to return and see Fang still looking through the book. This prompted Spence, who assured us he does not want to do this, to talk about significant runs. This included a threesome of significant runs including Nutcracker, Nut Bush Clitty Licker and DnC, as well as Mrs Dickhead, all of whom had palindromic runs. (Get a life)
Called out the front next was the horse racing brains trust of Hash, Shafted and Tommy Half a Brain-Trust, who convinced hash to sell 3 of their 5 horses, including selling the one that came for the second for the one that came second last. Still not as bad as Bait, who bought 14 and didn’t place at all. With the 3 Stooges of racing out the front, time to take them away. (You’re stupid)
The GM was then charged by Shafted for his hypocrisy, having stated last week not to make a joke more than 3 lines, only to speak for 25 minutes this week. Immaculate Conception then gave a warning to Shafted that charging the GM makes a powerful enemy. Shafter retorted “for 3 months”. (Why was he born so beautiful)
Spence then gave a PSA for Mitiamo and showed his age by saying AFT, “Analogy Funds Transfer”, instead of EFT. Mrs D then charged IC and Pinkbits for the comically large Esky only for IC to rebound that if she had have offered the Esky other Esky’s he would have taken them. (Mrs Murphy)
Mrs D drank her drink before surmising that Spence may have been in cahoots with the grog master because the drinks smelt cordial used to attract young boys. Lois Lane then asked why no Australian’s had spoken about the cricket, only to be rebounded that it had all been washed out. Criss Cross then said he had a charge, which was more similar to an ad for wine through Jacks Wine. QD then mentioned the (then) upcoming Blood Moon, only for it be said that Pink Bits has a blood moon. (Cheap wine)
Teflon then gave an ad for Melbourne Bike Hash,

which has a date clash with Mountie’s ad for the Ladies Hash AGM. Pink Bits was charged because after the blood moon charge, she heard to complain about “it” being “all head”. IC then came out with a charge for all the ads, stating it’s hash “not a public message board”. Nutcracker told IC “fuck you” to which he responded “if you want”. (She’s the meanest)
Pusbucket then informed hash about the great sporting arena we were at, but stated that it’s greatest flaw was that it pumped money into the Northern Oval. He equated playing in the north to play on the moon, because there’s no fucking atmosphere. FOP added to the fun facts, stating that the Eastern Oval is oldest ground in the region and in 1872 England played the locals. He added that a painting exists of the game and, if you look closely, you can see a young SS fielding in slips. IC was charged for training at the ground and deciding, in lieu of his own clothes, to wear Pink Bit’s skins. (Golden Point)
IC the epitomised quality over quantity on his 5thcharge, to which he was told to fuck off. He continued anyway and FOP was charged for stating he is proud of the club, but it was noted that he wasn’t the first J. Kelly to end up on the honour boards. Boner was charged for going on his own little walk, a brave and herculean effort on his behalf. IC was on his 6th charge and he charged Mrs D for stating in the car that he and Pink Bits had done “something” “100 times”. (Give us an aye)
Next weeks run is the Leagues Club. Can Tommy repeat history and have Hash banned again.

 

Bevan Kelly

Admin

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Run # 2116, 31 October 2022.

Dr Death/Shafted from the car park under the Good Guys

It’s time… for horse and Halloween.

Many people attended the run dressed in Halloween attire as jockeys. Many also attended later than the 6pm start time.

With a short run, the Grand Master was still not back, so the Box he Cums in took over leading duties. Only shortly though, as it was time for the Screw.

It was described as a “quickie run” and the map? Squint it might be a horse head. Campaspe saw one trail mark, there were a couple of halts, shiggy and a well-stocked drink stop. (Shitty trail)

Now on to the charges… with no grog master… and no grog. Short sharp and sweet sergeanting from Spencer Hocking ensured. It was told that the walkers got split in 3 and Pauline ended up alone. Apparently he enjoyed himself so much he pulled a muscle in his butt. Campaspe was also charged for her Halloween Pacman ghost get up resembling a poorly fitted condom. Exactly the kind of condom you would expect on a Quick Dick. (Mrs Murphy)

The next charge came to light following Rowdy’s spill on his bike. With the news that he was in the hospital having gravel removed from his face, it was surmised that he had dressed as the scariest thing he could think of… Mountie. Precious with his corpse paint was also noted to resemble Rowdy. (U.G.L.Y)

Precious was again charged for his work in social sector taking it out of him, as evidenced by his face. Spencer Hocking’s Halloween get up was also charged for appearing to be Lois Lane’s stolen Murkin. Mrs Dickhead was also charged for appearing in the news paper with a very female havy and not very gender diverse team. (This is your down down song)

On after was at the Old Colonist where I’m certain all the right decisions were made and we’re all millionaires.