Run 2048 began from the dear (used in both an adjective and adverbal sense) North Britain. Mother nature seemed determined to undermine the exceptional marking provided by Tidy Trailing. The Son of Spider spent no time returning to his usual bombastic self. But the main event of the evening went to Hash’s latest centenarian, Big Dog. Following the run of rained out trail that (on the word of SOS) was exceptionally set to begin with, the Big Dog was award with a congratulatory shirt, draped in an inflatable 100 and given the traditional tankard. This was very nice for a man who doesn’t look a day over 99. He is, indeed, the meanest.
The Big Dog kicked off our sniffy cunt runs with his first century. Despite a large number the intended sniffy cunt runners being absent, there was still a number that attended. Mountie was called forward to celebrate her 1300th run again, since she is still mad about not receiving anything. Dazed and Confused (written by Jimmy Page, inspired by Jake Holmes) was also charged for her Fibonacci 248. SS was then called out the front for his Invasion Day run number. And in typical coloniser fashion, the history was revised, with SS’s 1778 (?) runs. Num Num was also bought out the front to represent the Indigenous perspective in amidst all the invasion talk. In honour of Mountie’s 1300th run, a rousing rendition of God Save the Queen (written by John Lyndon, Glen Matlock, Steve Jones and Paul Cook) followed.
Ms 1300 then took centre stage to shag the run. Rear Entry was the lucky man chosen this week to hold Mountie’s MOOT. Before shagging the run, Moutie regaled us all with the tale of SOS, Lil Evil and Hymen going to snow. Due to a slight misunderstanding, all three had to share the same bed. Upon waking, both Hymen and Lil Evil detailed their dreams, in which they had both dreamt of exceptional hand jobs from attractive women. SOS remained the outlier though, instead dreaming of skiing. His venue received a respectable 15, as did his terrain. This was the makings of a good score. Then he received a -15 for his trail. Things did not get much better with the drink stop. With no appearance from a young Hugo, SOS received a 0. He rounded the MOOT out with a 20 for his groovy factor, leading to a score of 35. Not just shitty, but soggy, trail.
Before the run, Bad Head Job was charged by Dr Rowdy for Sharing the Line, a charge that runs back approximately 40 years before the run. DnC called Nutcracker and the Nut Bush Clitty Licker (written by Tina Turner) to the front. Apparently DnC has been unable to contact Nutcracker on the weekends due to the hot sex that the pair are having. Apparently, the sex has become so hot that DnC received a call from the Fire Brigade warning her of the extreme heat it was radiating. Normal also called the Master Baiter out the front. Now, Normal may be a brick layer and not a mathematician, but even he had questions when Bait mentioned that he had been riding in a group of seven. When asked how they social distanced, Bait informed Normal that they split into two groups of three. I hear tell that there is a game called 20 toes. Hash’s own Jerome P. Jacobson, Big Dog, was again called out the front for fixing the Hash books. At this time, Criss Cross called on Dr Death, Plucka Duck and Pebbles. After seeing a television episode on a Dr Death, he charged the many Hashers famous for their well-known television roles. Rear Entry was brought out the front for having the pure audacity to ask whether Road Runner whether he was running. Rumour has it he will next be asking whether the sky is green. Rear Entry then decided to grace us with more comedic genius by implying that Normal had friends. Nurse Batshit (written by Ken Kesey, adapted by Lawrence Hauben and Bo Goldman) was called out as the circle was regaled by tales of her and Dr Death receiving members tickets to the Darwin Cup from Pimp. This endeavour led to them finally seeing a horse that won a race. No no no, bad bad bad, down down down.
The sergeant also called out Nummy yet again, this time for providing the good Dr of Death his second dose of the vaccine and providing him with the pretty badge to accompany it. SOS was also bought out the front, asked to answer for his blatant discrimination. In a rookie move, the former back-to-back grandmaster had forgotten to provide a drink stop for the bar flies. Rumour has it that the wiggle of her ass could make a blind man cum. Bait was once again bought out the front, at which point Normal politely informed us all that Bait was his ride home. If anyone cared, please feel free to let Normal know, that would be greatly appreciated. Bait was subsequently charged for enlightening us about a girl he used to know, that he affectionately nicknamed Smelly Box. At this point the Hash Aristotle, Puss Bucket, charged Lil Evil and Dr Death for their immaculate cosplay as Davy Crockett and Daniel Boone, before informing them that both Crockett and Boone subsequently died. He was born on a mountain in Tennessee. To round out the night of charges, Mr 100, Scomo himself, was told to remain far away from the fire pit, as he notoriously does not hold a hose. To close proceedings, the return of a Hash icon, the giant glass penis. Watch out for the balls, they’ll get ya. Just like Scomo needs to get a life.
In closing, if you thought that SOS’s 35 on the MOOT was bad, then fear not. Next week’s run is Rear Entry from the bowls club behind the Eastern Oval
