Bevan Kelly

Admin

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Run # 2111, 3 October 2022.

Rowdy Daylight Savings

It’s time… to save some daylight.

Being run 2111, Pusbucket politely informed hash that this is the digit sum of the square root of 25. Pusbucket then informed hash that there was a ravenous surge of food for after the circle, to which GILF was heard audibly cheering.

Friendly reminder of Mitiamo on the 12th and 13thof November. And Melbourne bike hash on the 20th of November in Ballarat.

Pusbucket then regaled the tidbits from the Bar Flies. He began with by discussing Rear Entry, who added to the camping discourse by explaining one time he was on the Darling. However, it seems that he was a bit confused, as he asked which river he was on. Dumb and Dumber joined him, with Pusbucket stating to have caught Dumb rubbing shoe polish on his dick. He reckons Dumb needs his hearing checked, because he was told to turn his clock back. (What a wank)

The recently ravenous Campaspe then fronted to Screw the run. She stated that Rowdy had stated there was few hills, before stating that there was approximately 80% hills. Campaspe then described the run as having too many hills and shiggy. But conceded that Rowdy made up for it with a good drink stop, lots of snacks, and a soiled mattress. (Shitty Trail)

Belated welcomes back to Road Runner, Donuts, the Bill, Randalf and DnC. Rear Entry then nominated himself for a beer at this time. Pink Bits also joined them for bringing the first new runner of Pusbucket’s hash the week before. (He’s the meanest)

Sergeant Quick Dick took the front for his last week before Spencer Hocking returned full time. Shafted was the first of Quick Dick’s last charges, with Quick Dick pointing out the ket that Shafted still had left on his hands. Head Hunter joined him, as Shafted had reached between her legs at the drink stop and found a cold box. (He outta be)

Pink Bits and Campaspe were charged for following Shafted and learning about Wolf Creek in the process. However, things got worse when they fell behind and Rowdy offered them his soiled mattress. (A soul)

A charge for the older harriets, as a beetle tried to climb between Precious’ legs, and the older harriets would’ve loved a Beatle to climb between their legs. Immaculate Conception fronted the circle due to having cum on his shirt. While fashion was the topic, Bent Nose was also called upon. It was noted that he had a white hat to match his white legs, a red singlet for his red shoes, and the blue of his shorts was to match his blue balls. And one person with red shoes drinks… calling on Rear Entry and Nutcracker. (This is your down down song)

Nummy was charged for her phone going off in her ass and playing Brown Eyed Girl. DnC was then charged for bringing her torch on the daylight savings run. (Mrs Murphy)

Spartacus was made the representative of the barflies, with concerns for their health and safety having not walked to the drink stop. The Bill was called out the front for his trail calling, which must have been performed in sign language. It was further noted that the Bill was also seen stalking around at the halts. Fascinator was then called upon to pay for the sins of his company, with Quick Dick having found a littered Buxton stubby holder on trail. Criss Cross then charged Pusbucket as he seemed to have gotten new draws, since he appeared to be using the old ones for firewood. Someone then asked when Mountie was due to get a new chest and drawers. (You’re stupid)

Precious, Immaculate and Randalf then fronted for all sounding the same. (You’re stupid)

Head Hunter and Pusbucket were then the subject of an Irish joke. We’ve all (allegedly) heard of putting two shovels in a corner and asking the Irish to take their pick. Well this was equated to Pusbucket saying the “end of the circle” and Head Hunter getting lost. Birthday charges then came for Rowdy turning 60, Randalf turning 18, and Dumb turning old. (Hashy Birthday)

Pink Bits was charged after she was heard complaining about Randalf’s brothers getting him drunk, because he “has school tomorrow”. The circle then ended with a story of Bent going to Hell. Satan welcomed Bent and said they had been expecting him. For his eternal agony, Satan told Bent he must stay a subterranean lake of lava for all of eternity. Bent then told Satan “technically it’s a lake of magma because it’s underground”, to which Satan informed him “now you know why you’re down here”. (This is your down down song)

Following the circle, the scribe was informed that they must recount the true entertainment of the night. At a point late in the night, not one, but two trucks arrived. Now… what they were doing is up for discussion. Were they trading a burnt out car? Were they passing the car back and forth before dumping it? Had they found a car? Were they giving a demonstration of male docking by using the car as an allegory? All of this was left to the imagination as the remaining hashers looked on.

 

Bevan Kelly

Admin

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Run # 2110, 26 September 2022.

Spencer Hocking from the Royal Mail

It’s time… for Lois Lanes 1000 run.

The proceedings were so highbrow that King Chaz 3 and Cammy even sent a letter. (She’s the meanest)

But the festivities weren’t done yet. Lois Lane was presented with her shirt and removed 2, but not all, of her layers to put it on. Pusbucket then tried to shake up and spray the champagne for the royalists. Sadly, he did not spray the champagne. Royalists Mountie, Num and Pennyfarthing joined Lois in a toast of champagne. (Get a life)

Lois then blew out the candles on her 1000 run cake before being presented with a 1000 run badge from Boner. Lois was joined out the front by new runner Jack and a welcomes back to Plucka. (We’ve got virgins)

The screw began with the iconic map of the week visual segment. This week the map allegedly looked like a boat. It was deemed well marked, until we lost trail. It was noted that Crowns were everywhere. We then went onto to Queen Street, followed by Spencer Street, then onto the corner of St James and Spencer Street. It was also noted that there were some difficulties at the drink stop, meaning Lois had to drink beer for the first time ever at the drink stop. In the closing sentiments, it was noted that all the streets in Sebastopol borrow their names from the fabulous east, giving a sense of familiarity. (Shitty trail)

Charges first went to Spencer Hocking for being in Sebas and not finding a single person capable of opening a boot. (No no no)

Pauline was then called out the front for a drink… and subsequently had his drink denied for time wasting. Quick Dick pointed out the rather apt and appropriate nature of Spencer Street, informing us that it was quite appropriate that we got on Spencer Street and then it just kept going on and on. Hash then heard of a hoon how honked at Pink Bits. QD have him a talking to and the driver explained that he was merely celebrating as this was the first time he had seen someone run in Sebas at night without holding a television. (The wiggle of her ass)

Rowdy and the Master Baiter got late welcomes back, before it was pointed out that Spencer Hocking was only allowed to set this run on school holidays as we went past the catholic school. Pusbucket also joined the welcomes back, as no one has seen the Swans for weeks. (They outta be)

Significant runs from the night included Head Hunters palindromic 202, Lois Lanes 1000, which was the digit sum of Jack’s 1. And most importantly, Spencer Hockings 1308 was the exact number of client houses I ran past doing a run in Sebas. (A soul)

*It was noted that we should now be singing for country and for king

Precious was charged out the front for being cashed up after stopping in the toilet stall on the way. A nomination was also made for the Pot calling the Kettle Black, with Spartacus commenting there’s nowhere to run from the Royal Mail, a bold proclamation considering his runs go up and then back down the one street. Hashy Birthdays were also called for Criss Cross and Head Hunter, with QD being heard to ask “when’s your birthday?” (Give us an aye)

Rowdy and Num were then charged for running through the Coles carpark and having the Hash police inform them that the were running the “Wrong” way. Lois remarked about how impressed she was that a sign in the venue had read “order this way” and “runner group” this way, commenting that Spencer had gone above and beyond to convince them it was a “runner group”. Jack was charged again simply for being their and proving that Immaculate Conception has friends. (Finnish Drinking song)

SS then charged Normal for giving an eerily detailed description of the bus crash earlier in the week. Num, Mountie, Dumb and Dumber, QD, Criss Cross and Pusbucket joined them. Hash heard about them attending an A Lister birthday party, where someone super spread COVID. (U.G.L.Y)

Pauline charged Lois because he saw her blow out the candles and had never seen her blow like that, only to have a rebound that he’d never seen her blow from that angle. (20 toes)

Next week/tomorrow’s run is Rowdy out at 5 Ways for daylight saving. He has stated “it’s gonna be warm”

 

Bevan Kelly

Admin

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Run # 2109, 19 September 2022.

The Committee from North Gardens.

It’s time… for Dr Death’s run… oh wait…

Pusbucket welcomed all to the quasi equinox. He asked Spencer Hocking what the square root of the digit sum of 2109 was, to which Spence proudly let Hash know that he doesn’t do that anymore and Tommy Half a Bar asked “who’s done a root?” (You’re stupid)

The run was the footy themed run, so the focus moved to teams that slipped a bit. Juscum, DnC and Num came out the front for Carlton. (We are the Navy Blues)

Campaspe took the stand for the screw. She began by giving compliments to the RA for the nice weather, before giving bigger compliments to hare for a lack of slime in the beer. The map of the week seemed to resemble a semi erect penis with some bush. The run was deemed “well marked but had to do a few on backs, enjoyed the flat run”. (Shitty Trail)

Welcomes back to Her Vaj, who we all thought had died. The Collingwood supporters were also bought out the front. Carlton may have missed on the finals by 1 point, but Collingwood missed the big one by 1 point. (She’s a harriet)

Spencer started his charges and bought all the finals losers out the front. All the Dogs, Pies and Demons supporters. (No no no)

There was a visual gag, which kinda didn’t work. On a theme of numbers, the footy attendance was 77677, which led to discussion of Precious’ number being 219 on run 2109. He then got Her Vaj and Pusbucket out the front to drink off for the AFL premiership. (What a wank)

Significant runs are back and included Shafted with 747, Campaspe with 131, and Lois Lane on the penultimate palindrome, 999. Other significant runs included the runners in the future, with Dumb and Dumber and Tommy Half a Bar signing the book for next weeks run, as well as Fascinator allegedly completing 2023 runs as per the book. (Build a bonfire)

It was then noted that, with Her Vaj dying, Pusbucket was now King, which makes Mountie Queen. (God save the king)

Pauline then wasted time with a rugby charge aimed at Mrs D. Fascinator asked when was the last time the French won the Bledisloe? The Thursday prior. Pusbucket then explained that the “bar”flies had been discussing the Brownlow and Tommy had expressed that he found one of the men attractive, to which Normal responded “I’m gay and I think he’s ugly”. DnC then explained that she had been at the Nuts household and had tooted the horn with no response. She then called Nutcracker who stated she and Nut Bush Clitty Licker had walked halfway to the Den. (Give us an aye)

Fascinator then told one of his jokes. In a rare turn of events, this one could be seen as having been funny. Pusbucket asked Mountie why she was up upset. Mountie said that with the Queen dead, they now have a King. Pusbucket told her to cheer up, with the king you can do cooking, talking and fucking. Fascinator himself was charged. There are three people who should know their way around town, taxi drivers, ambos and real estate agents, yet he got the runners lost. (Mrs Murphy)

Mrs D was charged with a rebound because it’s not Fascinators job to sell paths. Precious was charged as well for making people run all the onbacks. (A soul)

Spencer Hocking was charged for abandoning numbers after he failed to notice that the equinox is on the 21/09, with the equinox run being run number 2109. (Finnish drinking song)

Pink Bits was charged for snorting, farting and burping in front of the King. The Queen Consort joined her out the front. Bent Nose was charged because, despite there being no training for Hash, Bent returned from a holiday miraculously able to run. Pusbucket joined his consort out the front with calls they be renamed King Puss and Queen Chlamydia. (U.G.L.Y)

Towards the end of the night, the age old adage “what’s better than beating Collingwood” saw Swans supporter Pusbucket and Pies support Nutcracker out the front. (They outta be publicly pissed on)

Big Dog then got a drink cause he hadn’t had one. DnC joined him because she had gone looking for his place of work around Lake Gardens. It was deemed quite appropriate that an old bitch would be sniffing around a Big Dog. King Puss and Lois came out the front with the cautionary tale that Lois has had many a shit significant run under many a GM, so the King has warning to get the big one right. Pauline was then charged, alongside Her Vaj, for his incredible return from the dead. (His one skin)

Next weeks run is in commemoration of King Charles, set from the Royal Mail. Spence says to preorder your meals prior to the run

 

Bevan Kelly

Admin

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Run # 2108, 12 September 2022.

Nutcracker and DnC from the East Bowling Club

It’s time… for more of the fabulous east.

Nutcracker was first bought out the front. Of all the runs for it to happen on, Hash was astounded that the weather had slipped so dramatically on the Ras own run. DnC joined her, as DnC was pretty keen to take credit for the run. (B I M B O)

The Campaspe is back and fully running. The map of the day saw a few people surveyed, with a general consensus that it was a rotten pumpkin, to go with the rotten beer (we’ll get back to that later). Several things of note about the run; too many hills; it rained; big sections without markings. On a positive, at least Campaspe didn’t have to complete any on backs. Then, the beer at the drink stop. Campaspe cracked a beer and it tasted a little funny. Tried it again and it tasted a little funny. As she poured it out, the slime began to run out of can. (Shitty trail)

Spencer Hocking was then presented with his committee shirt. And in the pinnacle of comedy for the night, he removed 8, count ‘em 8, layers before he put the shirt on. Pusbucket then warned that a significant portion of the ground had developed aibophobia, the fear of palindromes, in Spence’s absence. Pusbucket then began a joke. He called Spence a great numbers man, then in real life Tommy Half a Bar walked himself out the front unprompted, then Pusbucket said Spence stuck two numbers to his front fence, everyone laughed, and Pusbucket went with it. (He’s the meanest)

Tommy and SS stood out the front to be given the good and bad news for the Demons. Bad news, they’re outta the finals. Good news, time to go to the snow. (You’re stupid)

The monarchist representatives were then bought out the front. BP (Bent will do) and Lois were informed of the good news and the bad news. Bad news. Liz is gone. Good news, Jughead is in and a republic is in. (God save the KING)

Spence and Quick Dick took the stage for the greatest double act since Shafted salvaged Dr Death’s time as sergeant. Mountie and Dumb were bought out the front to represent those with tough feelings about the queen. But more disappointing for those ruling by birth right was Brisbane beating Melbourne. (Brisbane song?)

A charge was made of Her Vaj dying, and when she did she had a Wee Problem. But King Charles definitely had a Boner. (Get back in the kitchen)

Bad Hair Day and Nutcracker were bought out the front. Nutcracker was charged for not being able to set a run and appropriately RA at the same time. BHD was charged because when it started to rain, he pulled his hood on to protect his hair. Mountie was also charged for complaining about someone signing in her spot in the book and asking “who wrote their name here?” (No no no)

Juscum, Big Dog and Wee Problem were commended for wearing black in mourning of the queen. (This is your down down song)

The circle then heard of Campaspe’s neurotic cleanliness, with the warning she may have been checking everyone’s shoes later for dog shit. Mountie was charged, because Hash had heard of a conspiracy to kill King Charles and Hash reckons Mountie is the leader. (Finnish drinking song)

Nutcracker and the Bill were charged. The Bill once insightfully said “it never rains on the run”. This caused some hashers to be late, as they saw the rain and assumed the rain could not have yet started. (Give it a blow)

Nutcracker was commended for getting the weather right inside the venue, where it was nice and warm. Pusbucket then told a joke, there was some discussion about the Bill and Mountie calling each other, and we all had a good laugh at Pauline’s health crisis. Mrs D then fucked the song and joined them out the front. (Why were they born)

Pink Bits then came out the front for stating she didn’t know she had a matte. Mrs D joined her for going to work with two different shoes on. (This is your down down song)

The Barflies were then called out the front. As you know, you are what you eat, and the barflies were the only attendees that night not to be wet cunts. The president of the club then took the final drink. (What a wank)

Next Weeks run is Dr Death from the Den, football theme