Bevan Kelly

Admin

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Run # 2098, 11 July 2022.

Quick Dick from that one band stand in between Golden City and Doveton Street… you know the one.

It’s time… for a scribe that is uploaded in a timely manner.

The run began from the not Titanic band stand. This venue had its pros and its cons. The pro was that they didn’t need to sink a ship for this specific band stand. The con was that it sat in the pale blue light of the Ballarat Liberal Party Headquarters. So, ever the action man, Pusbucket declared it time to move the down downs to the drink stop out the back of JK.

Wasting no time, Pusbucket did not engage in his signature preamble, partly due to the cold and partly due to the limited number of charges.

As such, the circle moved straight into the screw. In the absence of Campaspe, Mountie took over duties as the screw. Mountie noted that the hare himself was confused by the location of the run on Facebook. However, despite this shortcoming, Mountie designated the run as fantastic. Mountie noted that on the run, there was rampant discussion of DnC being on the front page of the newspaper. Mountie professed that she believed it was Nutcracker and DnC who were the “Oompa Loompa” things on the page, before Teflon pointed out that DnC is more of a page 3 kinda girl. Mountie concluded the screw by stating that she “quite enjoyed the run”. (Shitty Trail).

Pusbucket then began the charges with his own charge. He charged Precious and Bad Hair Day (he’s not here, Pusbucket will do). Pusbucket told of how Precious rubbed BHDs head and said “that feels like my missuses ass”. BHD then rubbed his own head and concurred “yeah it does feel like your missuses ass”. (20 toes).

Welcomes back for Teflon, GILF and Immaculate Conception, as well as a welcome to Dr FOP. And if one doctor drinks. (Get a life).

Pusbucket then called upon his Sergeant, Quick Dick, who, by his own admittance, wasn’t paying attention. He began by calling GILF, Normal and Her Vajesty out the front. Quick Dick stated that he was not aware of how poor the state of the walkers were and that he would need to have a discussion with them the next week about what an arrow looked like. (You’re stupid).

Criss Cross was charged for stopping at the check out the front of the sex store and being recognised. But Nutcracker was charged for stating that she had never been inside, even though various things from the store had been inside her. (no no no).

Head Hunter was charged for noticing that the runners and walkers arrived at the same time. A simultaneous climax, the first one that Quick Dick had ever achieved. Pennyfarthing also noted that she had asked Quick Dick why he was walking. Quick Dick stated it was because of a swollen foot, but Head Hunter clarified that it was more like 8 inches. Juscum was then charged for being the “fucking” female “fucking” version of Tommy “fucking” Half a Bar with her constant expletives. The final charge went to Teflon, who had been sailing on the weekend. “We used the engine, but it was still sailing”. (Mrs Murphy).

Next weeks run is out in Meredith.

 

Bevan Kelly

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Run # 2097, 4 July 2022.

Spartacus from the Golden City.

It is time… for the (less than) triumphant return of proper scribing. The run began from the Golden City hotel, but not before some Hash controversy. Beer on the book! It is unclear as to who spilt the beer, but eyewitness testimonies differ between Precious and Fascinator being the culprit. But one thing remains certain, someone (not may) has fucked up.

At the circle, welcomes back for Pebbles, DnC, Lois Lane, Plucka, Paul Bearer, Precious and Nurse Ratshit. (Get a life). It was also decided that it was time for the recognition of significant runs, with Precious’ 200th and Dumb and Dumbers 1300th both receiving their shirts. (Give us an aye). The Bill was also recognised, albeit for his decision to come back early after running up the Dana Street hill when nobody followed (You’re stupid).

The preamble continued with Hash deciding that the offender who got the book wet was Precious (no no no). Pusbucket then regaled Hash with a tale of being in the Aviary room and called out Num and Mountie because they had seen a Cockatoo in their lives. Pusbucket himself was bought out the front for picking the two hash tarts who had seen the smallest ones, while Lois was bought forward for seeing a Black Cockatoo. (She’s the meanest).

On to the Screw. Campaspe described the run as “long and thin” and applauded that there was down hill running for the first few kilometres. Campaspe noted that she did find the drink stop and thanked the RA for the lack of rain. (Shitty Trail).

Quick Dick took centre stage as the Sergeant and proceeded to charge Campaspe for putting her beer on the table with the book, which lead to beer and napkins everywhere. And if one doctor drinks… to which Rowdy was heard the state that he is “real doctor”. DnC was bought out the front for knocking over a pole early on the run and The Bill was charged for following the arrows and running straight up the middle of the Macca’s drive thru. (Mrs Murphy).

Mrs D was charged due her callousness on the run. When Precious was nearly hit by a bus, Juscum commented it missed him “by a hair”, to which Mrs D responded he has “A lot of hair”. Mrs D followed this with her sarcastic comment that Ballarat “needs more hairdresser” after passing many on the run and called Nutcracker out the front. (U.G.L.Y).

Dr Death was then bought out the front. The circle was told that during the barflies ever enlightening conversations, Dr Death told Pusbucket that Nurse Ratshithad won a game of bingo with a 69, and Dr Death was very interested in playing these bingo games. Mrs D was bought back out the front her reaction to the Precious predicament, with some hasher insisting they heard her state that it was okay because she had two more. Pauline and Lois were bought out on this train of thought, with Lois receiving a call from Pauline to say that the broke condoms had arrived. Lois then asked Pauline to please refer to the children by their names. (1 skin).

 

Matthew Gibney

Admin

  · deSstrpoonie9n2:4u10  2l0i103Jctl10ia0l4 3t  · 

SORT-OF SCRIBE FOR THE FASCINATOR STAG HOTEL LEARMONTH RUN.

A freezing Day turned into a freezing Night, one for the True Believers. And a caucus of Hash (wo)men through and through turned up in the dry to the specially opened Stag Hotel for the Fascinator Fuck up.

Meals were ordered with pre run beers. 7 hardy runners set out to a run with minimal trail, but whose strava map looked quite like a turnip. A really big turnip with a little "on back" just at the tip.

The drink stop was at the back of the Fascinator AirBNB, with a roaring fire to warm the cockles of the heart and other bits. The promised Great Northern was plentiful, as well as other proper beers, with enough left over for his next effort.

Back at the Stag all gathered to warm up and drink. The majority of one was sorely tested, with Mountie stepping up to fulfil most functions (as she has done for 35 years), but enough to award Rowdy his Committee "Its Time" shirt. (not many independents present so Snag carried the day manfully)

CHARGES WENT WELL, none recorded for posterity. (It's a Grand Old Flag)

Meals went well apart from Rowdy's pizza, which went through the oven 3 times before it was presented 40 minutes after all others. Drinks went well, apart from the red wine ( One bottle available for 17 takers) The solution was to serve it in port glasses, apart from Shafted who paid for it and got the big glass.

The drive home in the thick fog was a testament to NBCL's sobriety and car handling skills. Next week's run is Clock Head from the (Pleasant St) Bunch of Grapes. All welcome.

On On

 

Bevan Kelly

Admin

  · ntseoaMt1a820260ta 2 : 2ya30  · 

Run #2091, 23 May 2022

Mrs Dickhead from the Grapes Hotel.

The run set out through out the pleasant Mt Pleasant area. It was later revealed that the run managed to short cut whilst remaining on trail.

Back at the Grapes, Pusbucket showed off his new, if a little late, committee shirts. They were given to the new committee of:

- Pusbucket

- Sergeants Spencer and Quick Dick

- Screw Campaspe

- Hash Cash Big Dog

- Trail Master Rowdy

- Grog Master Spartacus

- Choir Master Mrs Dickhead

- Hash Horn Teflon

- Scribe Precious

- Keeper of the Book the Bill

- And Religious Advisor Nutcracker

With these shirts, Pusbucket announced It’s Time for a new era of Hash, built upon it’s fundamental first rule (no poofters) and bringing forth a structured lifestyle. 8 hours of work, 8 hours of rest, and 8 hours of Hash. With this the new committee was taken away. (Scomo was his name-o).

With the screw absent, Nut Bush Clitty Licker took the stage as the stand in screw. NBCL stated that the run went up some hills and it went down some hills. It was also noted that the run was in the fabulous east and was “probably in the shape of a phallus”. The overall score for the run was declared to be the “same as the liberal party primary vote”. (Shitty trail).

Welcome backs for Rear Entry, SS, Road Runner, Dr Death and Paul Bearer. Without either of his Sergeants, Pusbucket took agency and stood in as the sergeant. His first charge was to Bent Nose. It was explained that Bent Nose’s riding group had noticed something amiss with Bent and inquired what was wrong. Bent told them that BP had cut back sex to once a week, to which they responded, “consider yourself lucky, she’s cut some of us out altogether”. (No no no)

NC was then bought out the front as she advised that anyone who was having relationship issues could go to her for advise and hand relief. While out the front, Pusbucket took the opportunity to explain the differences between men and women. Using geography, Pusbucket explained that up to 20, women are like Africa, dark and exciting. Up to 30, they’re like Spain, warm and inviting. To 40, they’re like France, sophisticated. And up to 50 and beyond, they’re like Australia, arid and dry. But men are like North Korea and Russia their entire lives, ruled by 2 nuts. (The wiggle of her ass).

Mountie then charged the GN/Sergeant Pusbucket. In a visual charge, Mountie showed an Australian article that stated women “don’t want a Snag in the lodge, they want a date”. Mountie pointed out that she wanted a Snag in the lodge. (There’s a game called 20 toes).

Scomo was then awarded a “not my job” board. However, it was mentioned that this board was unfair as Scomo was acting as the Hash Cash and Grog Master. Pusbucket commended Big Dog for “doing the work of 3 men, too bad their names are Moe, Larry and Curly”. (Scomo was his name-o).

Nutcracker was charged because, at the drinkstop, J2 had stated that Mrs D that he had thought FOP was coming up to the esky, only to realise that it was actually NC. Mrs D herself was then charged for not having any halts on her run. While she was out the front, some hashers also took the opportunity to note that Mrs D had reprinted the Hash song book and decided which songs she liked best, because some songs appeared more than once in the book. (Give us an aye).

Juscum was charged for being overheard saying that at Hash “there were no John Kerrs… but plenty of Wayne Kerrs”. Tommy Half a Bar was then bought out the front as a devout Liberal believer. It was mentioned that Tommy spent 8 hours on election day at the polling booths. Shafted said that he found the process confusing as well, but it didn’t take him 8 hours to vote. Dr Death was then seen out the front and had a hard time deciding whether he was out the front because he was a liberal believer or a Wayne Kerr. (What a wank).

Teflon was the final charge of the night. Hash was regaled with the tale of Teflon at the Drink Stop stating he couldn’t fit it in his stubby holder because it was too big and he couldn’t get it out because it was too dry. (Finnish drinking song).

Next weeks run is Fascinator’s run from the Stag Hotel in Learmonth. *Heavy beer and ice TBA*

2Jason Kelly and 1 other