Run #2089, 9 May 2022
Lois Lane from 53 Sorrento Drive.
After some negative feedback, the word cap* has been scrapped. We are returning to essays. But not A+ essays, more in the ballpark of D- essays.
The run began not in the “fabulous east”, but as the ever-wise Grand Master noted, “everywhere is east of somewhere”. Proceedings for the night commenced with a welcomes back for Fergie and a very special welcome for Dumb and Dumber as the newest member of the 1300 club. (Get a life) but Dumb and Dumber also received his own special down down song. (Give me an aye).
Campaspe took centre stage to screw the run. Campaspe noted that this weeks run resembled a flaccid penis of sorts, but there was no statement on whether this was an analogy for the run itself. However, Campaspe also noted that if you turned the flaccid penis upside down, it looked a lot happier. This is important advice for some of the older gentlemen at Hash. It was noted that the run was 7km, but this was evened out by it being within walking distance of the scribe’s house. A noteworthy mention also went to the HHHH, which the scribe surmised as standing for a Hungry Hippos Hash Halt. The run was ultimately praised for its two drink stops, its handmade scones and the brief foray it took past the Grieving Mother memorial as a nice Mother’s Day touch. (Shitty Trail).
Continuing on from last year’s newfound tradition of having multiple Sergeant’s in the hope that at least one will attend, both Quick Dick and Spencer Hocking took the stand for the charges.
Quick Dick began proceedings by acknowledging that it was the Mother’s Day run and that it was the 3rdyear in a row that Lois had held the run. But Quick Dick decided to put a spin on the theme and charged all the motherfuckers who made the mothers mothers. This included Spence, Teflon, Pauline, Bad Hair Day, Dumb, Criss Cross, Rowdy and Nut Bush Clitty Licker. (A game called 20 toes).
The prince of pomposity, Bent Nose, was then heard to get annoyed that Hash palindromes were note being recognised, before he and Nutcracker were bought out the front for their respective birthdays. DnC was also bought out the front as she was heard to be disappointed that she missed her opportunity with Bent’s 69. (Hashy Birthday).
Quick Dick then used his platform to begin cleaning up the behaviour on trail at Hash. He first bought Mountie out the front for arriving at the first drink stop and proclaiming the deeply introspective proverb “if they’re walking, they’re not running”. Head Hunter then joined her for running on the trail for the first time in 9 months. (Build a bonfire).
It was then Juscum who was bought out arriving at a Halt and immediately looking for trail. Precious was subsequently charged for not calling trail. Then came the charge for Campaspe, Plucka and BHD. Quick Dick informed the circle that he had bent over on the trail and was being followed by Plucka and Campaspe, neither of whom harassed him. Quick Dick was disappointed at this fact, but more disappointed that BHD had considered harassing the Sergeant. (She’s the meanest).
Quick Dick himself was then charged for asking to borrow glasses to read his own writing, with people pointing out that he could either bring his own or simply write bigger. (You’re stupid).
The Grand Master then charged Tommy Half a Bar for a statement that occurred while the run was taking place. Tommy stated that Bar Licker had sent him to do the shopping and he was “better than Normal”. This caused people to question what Tommy in usually like in the shopping centre and how does he know how good Normal is. To join Tommy, Quick Dick called upon Mrs Dickhead and Mountie. Quick Dick noted that Mrs D was sweeping the pack to keep everyone together, but when Quick Dick himself ran past Mrs D, she was heard to say “How come we didn’t know you were lost?”. And when Quick Dick made it to the first drink stop, he poured himself his first cup of mulled wine, only to have Mountie comment on how full his cup was while grabbing her third. (Give me an aye).
Once again, Tommy was bought out the front for the tried and true creased jeans charge, but he was joined by the MasterBaiter who could only dream of having jeans that well maintained. Mrs D and Pennyfarthing were then bought out the front as Mrs D had been Lois’ run bitch, while Penny had been Lois’ kitchen bitch. To round out the group, Quick Dick was charged for emerging from the darkness on the run and appearing to be sniffing a pair of underwear. (This is your down down song).
Spencer then charged his fellow Sergeant. Spence stated that he was going away in a few weeks and applauded Quick Dick for already growing a Spencer-esque beard to resemble the Sergeant, but Spencer was informed that of the two of them, only Quick Dick appeared to have lost a stone. Dumb was also charged as Quick Dick had borrowed Dumb’s glasses and he was seen to be making some questionably slanty eyed faces. (U.G.L.Y).
Big Dog and NBCL were then called out the front and the circle heard that they had tried to get a taxi together during the week. Instead NBCL got a mate and they boarded the car together. NBCL got in the front and saw the radio 55.55 and tried to charge Big Dog the “$55.55 fare” for the taxi ride. To round out the evenings charges, Hash’s Albo, Bent, was bought out alongside Nutcracker for the all the sincerity of a fake tan. And when Albo drinks, so does Scomo. (Finnish drinking song).
Next weeks run is the Rotunda near the North Gardens.
*The word cap was definitely not an excuse to easily pump multiple weeks’ worth of scribing out in one go
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