Matthew Gibney

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Ballarat HHH Run #2000

Two Thousand Monday nights, mainly in and around Ballarat, and Denis Faulkner, the venerable SS, has run nearly 1740 of them. He would have seen some changes. The Hash ethos of anti-establishment larrikinism, tight shorts and tighter shirts, mullets, full strength beer until the wee hours of the morning, driving home pissed, bus trips to strippers, running 10 -12 km at a time, the more shiggy the better, trying hard to short cut, and being lauded for finding (and stealing ) the drink stop has somehow morphed into a nanny state where the most important thing is whether you did the whole trail, and who dared to miss a section, make sure you sign the fucking book, and don’t dare upset the neighbours.

Progress.

Run # 2000, Hare Dimwit, from the FABULOUS Mullawallah Wetlands/Haddon Rail Trail, CoVid #24, Zoom # 26

A good roll up of athletes attended for the grand weekend; trail set on Friday and the slightly obsessive Bent Nose and BP managed again to be amongst the early birds. Lucky for them because the doorbell was not answered an hour or so later, nor intermittently over the weekend. Excellent trail was set by the hare, weather gods were kind, and the consensus was that of a good trail and generous drink stop. Zoom attendees included Dr Death, Spencer Hocking, SS, Nutcracker, Nutbush Clitty Licker, Rowdy, Dazed & Confused, Mrs Dickhead, Pauline, Lois Lane, Campaspe, Dimwit, Fascinator, Fang, Donuts, Dumb and Dumber, Num Num, Quick Dick, Head Hunter, Mountie, Bitch Face, and GILF.

Quickly, after a quorum was attained (and June had refilled SS’s red wine glass), fill in screw Mrs D took the microphone. She commented that she’d never screwed a PE teacher before, and then dove right in to the “Hallowed West” , a land of McMansions, tennis courts, big dogs, and unfortunately for BP, plenty of good places for trail. The word Mullawallah excited some, hearing NBCL annunciate it excited Nutcracker, and the dawning look of realization on her face explained why wetlands. No Winter swamp in that house.

Campaspe was excited by the snakes. “Fuck, Fuck, Fuck”, and lost trail. Again.

Dimwit presided over the dispensing of out of date Tshirts, multifunctional neck warmers, and warm beer.

Mrs D score the run on the “Beep Test” scale, noting that a little over 16 was perfection. Final score (mainly downgraded due to warm beer) was 5.7

S H I T T Y T R A I L

Significant Runs included Criss Cross 1010, Pauline 282, Head Hunter and Bent Nose both digit sum 13, and a few digit sum of 1. The total palindromic Day (vernal equinox) was noted.

Sergeant Quick Dick took the floor, and announced a pandemic miracle; - Dr Death appeared.

Less miraculous was D&D falling asleep during a joke. The commemorative Board looked fantastic, until someone (Mrs D) drew a big box in the middle. There was a photo of BP with her manbag, another of Lois and Mrs D looking like redback spiders. Campaspe’s trail map was turned to “Hash North’, and looked just like a giant thingy. She went over trail at least 3 times to emphasize it.

Charges from before the run. Fascinator for presenting his shirts only a year late. The Bombers emblem on the sleeve left all in no doubt that this was another Fuck Up. Pauline got jealous of his wife’s capacity to get pissed (two days running), and Lois countered by finding another inventive use for the multifunctional absorbent neck warmer.

Spence Hocking relayed a message from Exit in appreciation of all our wishes and tributes to Glider after his passing.

Next week’s run will be set by FOP, by Friday, at Twin Bridges near Daylesford. Drink stop to be manned early Sunday afternoon.

Dimwit finished the zoom by sharing a couple of jokes:

What is the opposite of a croissant? A happy uncle !

Who is Bruce Lee’s vegan brother? Broco Lee

ZOOM OUT.

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