Monday, March 30, 2015

Midnight's Run, Slaty Creek. Hare Rowdy, 30th March 2015

Twenty-two years on from the watery demise of Midnight, and the auspices were poor. No Grand Master, no Deputy Grand Master, no Screw, no Sergeant, - and that was just the beginning. No Choir Master, no Religious Advisor, no Hash Horn, no Hash Flash.
No Normal.     ?
No Drambuie.

Lunchtime hit, and the eucalypt-scented smoke clouds were seen billowing up through the stratosphere from the middle of the Creswick state forest, just as the absent GM sent a garbled message that the meat and the BBQ trailer were unable to attend due to lack of interest. And then the picnic ground was full with Grey Nomads sipping on their Chardonnay, and father/son school holiday bonding efforts.

Luckily the spirit of the Sovereign Hash kicked in, Lois Lane and Bent Nose to the rescue, Bent with a mercy trip from the NSW border - without time to practice his trailer reversing skills prior to driving out to Slaty Creek Picnic Ground # 1.5 and delivering the goods. Rowdy had planned to drive through the forest to the on-on, and home the same way, but was turned back by DSE protecting their fire zone; Sillic navigated Reary through an inordinate number of obstacles, and through DSE road blocks to prove that they could; I think they drove home the long way.

Sixteen lucky Hashers turned up, five on the run, nine on the walk, and Rear Entry and Sillic to protect the campfire, on what turned out to be a magnificent evening, with perfect weather, perfect trail, a perfect drink stop and a perfect half moon once the sun had set. A few Furphys were told. Criss Cross screwed the walk, which managed to improve itself by not following trail, and included an on-back to return to where trail wasn't. Illogical but effective.

Mountie screwed the run, and despite having no idea where she was, and running all on backs, then being cut short in her screw by Criss Cross, - who is used to finishing first and fails to understand why any female should then wish to continue - , also eventually managed to deliver for the 21st time her Ode to Midnight Limerick. On On Midnight.

Welcome back to Dazed and Confused, significant runs to Glider, D & C, and someone else.
Bent Nose rightly asserted himself as the alpha male and took upon hosting duties. Plucka was encouraged to the sergeanting role, and performed as well as a Collingwood player without steroids.

Lois deflected any charges heading her way by announcing her Aussie heritage and citizenship, and BP coped with the cricket result by staying at home and sulking. Criss Cross was on fire and charged our Kiwi friends with poisoning the poor Magpie players with tainted meat during their Queenstown summer training camp. No arguments there.

Sillic blamed being "infirm" for the fact that he was sitting through the charges. Consensus was that he is more likely "un-firm". He took a drink. On a similar theme, D & C was charged for confessing a soft pillow between her legs helped her to sleep. Rear Entry offered to supply her with his soft equivalent. Pebbles looked on with interest. And Plucka and D & C were noted to be wearing distinctive, highly coloured footwear, all the better to cover their camel feet?

How many Hashers does it take to set up the barby? Most of them, all at one.
How many Hashers does it take to reverse a trailer? All of them, all at once.

Once Glider managed to crank up the flame on the very stable and fastidiously levelled barby, sausages and steak were cooked to perfection, complemented by a salad of leaves of mixed lettuce, Kalamata olives, diced Australian tasty cheese and slivered tomato, with a drizzle of French dressing, then bread, butter and a selection of sauces to taste.

The night was concluded by pissing on the fire. All were happy.

Next week's run is from the GM's house in Miners Rest.

Sunday, March 29, 2015

RUN 1710 Venue: Platypussy Mt Clear Hare: Criss Cross 23 March 2015

(abbreviated) Criss Cross, Got us to his Rear Entry for the Platypus properties virgin run.

ON ON back out the back gate onto an old train track and back. Over a fence or two.  Up a track and back down to the drink stop at the Recreation Reserve. Pretty painless and missed a few of the promised mountain bike tracks.

Welcomes backs to Sideshow Bob who brought along Virgin Runner, fraulein Kim to meet last weeks frauleins.  Kim Jong Un of North Korea twisted to Lee Kwon Yew of Singapore who had just passed on. So Leak On You twisted to Golden Showers and back to Leak on You.

Welcome back Bar Liquor and Two Dicks was there to back up Criss Cross with some nice tucker.

Significant runs for Pebbles had drawn three sets of tits in the Book like 333.  Sideshow Bob had six with Leak On You on her first run. 

Heavy work load led to Heavy not scribing a song so Rowdy improvised with;

Hot Cross Buns

Criss Cross Runs,
Bums Sums Mums


Spence called for charges Shafted re told the Jacko joke and pointed out the Evil Little bong like “wasp trap” in the hanging basket.


Next Week’s Run: Midnights run by Rowdy

Theme; Lust of the light bush

Venue; Slatey Creek

Meal; BBQ (if we can get the trailer there)

Saturday, March 28, 2015

RUN 1709 Venue: Old Col Awards and SS1500!! Hare: The Bill 16 March 2015

This had every chance of being the best yet 1500th run night, naturally for one of our Older Hashers, SS. and it happened to coincide with the Annual Awards Night (held yearly).


Billy Goat set a beaut little run, down Mair, through Old Tanya’s carpark, we then skirted below Camp and through a narrow “private” access to Sturt St much to the chagrin of a resident. We then headed east but deviated in the mall to run past the Old Hamburger Cart to see if Silic was there yet.  We waved to the other Old Bill’s on Dana St then on to remember the days of the Old School yard where we used to laugh a lot.  We then ran through the Old jail, on to the Old brewery to wave to Old Bertie, on back along Lydiard down to the Drink Stop at the Old ANA building (All Natives Association).  Appropriately a Mr Ginn unveiled 1925 foundation stone on Old St Patrick’s day 1925).


Welcomes backs to lot of distinguished older and some just kinda former hashers who were gathering at Old Col to acknowledge the first ever 1500th Run for one of our own.  SS has run something approaching 88% of Ballarat Sovereign Hash runs since inception by Founding Father Ed (WILBUR) Davis.  WILBUR regally headed a bunch that also returned to the fold including SPIDER, PUFFER, GASSER, LEN EVANS, CC, HOT LIPS, SEMEN, SPANNA, SQUIZZY and REMOTE.

We also had several First Timers for the night, all the way from Germany, Katja and Kristina, and all the way from central Victoria, Newstead NED and Bendigo BEN. The virgins balanced the Vets with their youth.  Fresh from Busselton, In Limbo was the principal representative delegate from outside Hash kennels

Lots of acknowledging Down Downs were forthcoming for SS along with a few gifts to mark the occasion;

Photo printed1500 T shirt, a singing fish and a fancy pen. His “Oh SS Boy” song was done proppa by APob.
Happy Birthday Little Evil, could he choose between the delectable Deutsche? The Invading central vic boys almost stole them and the scene.


Other awards for the evening were;

PISS POT OF THE YEAR  FOP-- for his Green out at the Balls Up.

TIGHT ARSE PRICK -- Half a Bar for his continued insistence that his 75 cent bottles of wine were as good as grunge.

F’ING SPECTACLE --Silic hunted through Plucka’s flywire screen door without opening it when her virgin run was unveiled

POT CALLING KETTLE BLACK – Mounty got the nod from Rowdy for her “rental property” revelation.

SHIT HOUSE RUN -- Candida had a great night in the School Gym but there were too many strains sprains and pulled muscles…Plus she loves the toilet seat trophy so much it would be cheeky to part her from it.

SHIT HOT RUN – BP for Her 1000th at La Gerche’s, great first time setting (nothing to do with Bent who tried to copy her some weeks later)

CLUBMAN AWARD.--.Lois Lane got the AhSo award for her ongoing efforts especially in the counting house.

Honourable Mentions to Spence for helping out and Rowdy for his grand effort having set five Runs off his own bat!

Dummies to FOP, Normal, Silic, and Fluid Movement


Andy Pobjoy and sidekick Sean entertained for the rest of the night after our sumptuous Seafood Extravaganza (apologies to Plucka Duck).  Thanks also go to Bill the Barman at the Old Col for his tolerance and service and to Phil from Ballarat Seafood who ensure we had the best quality Prawns and Oysters at the Best price.

Next Week’s (now Last week’s) Run: CRISS CROSS

Theme; Hot Cross Buns

Venue; 14 plait her Puss aven you Mount her Clear

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

RUN 1708 Venue: Gong Gong Reservoir Hare: Rowdy 9 March 2015

Rowdy, Trail Master extraordinaire put his hand up for setting a run on the eastern edge of his side of town at the Gong Car Park Barbicuaria.  With just a dozen or so expected after the Labour Day long Weekend, how easy it should be.  A quiet back to basics night with a few snags in bread; BUT hashers kept coming out of the woodwork and voted with their feet on an enchanting Autumnal eve.  Blue collars everywhere. Surprisingly no one managed to bribe the CHW groundsman to leave the gate open for an extra hour or two so we had to park cars outside the perimeter fence.

"ON ON" the Billy Goat cried. Hashers headed up the hill leaving the rotunda guard Silicate as well as Rear Entry and Bad Hair Day to secure the base BBQs and ensure they remain free of Begonia Bogans. 

The good pack of runners took off on a 7km jaunt in the catchment forest of the granite based Gong reservoir while the weaker walkers walked the water way.  The comfortable convergence brought all together at poly-box Drink Stop packed with Fosters, girlies and lots of ice.

We dawdled on Home to the rotunda, warmed the hot plates and set up lights for an illuminating dusk - and kept drinking Rowdy’s Fosters, XXXX Gold and Boags etc…

Welcomes backs to Bungee, Paul and Spence. Significant runs tonight to LOIS LANE, on Honda CB 750, something that has been ridden a lot.  Rear Entry was coming behind on a Yammie 650, Precious was palindromic and SOS was two ate two.

The Choir of brethren belted out a stunning rendition of Heavy’s twisted ditty “You Don’t Get me I’m Part of the Union”

Now I'm a hashing man
Amazed at what I am
I’ll stay for a drink
Then I’ll piss in your sink
Yes, I'm a hashing man.

When we meet in the local hall
I'll be drinking with them all
With a hell of a shout
Don’t let the Down Downs run out
And laugh about Silic’s… rubber ball.

OOOH you don't get me I'm part of the Hashers
You don't get me I'm part of the Hashers
You don't get me I'm part of the hashers
Till the day I die, till the day I die.

As a hashing man I'm wise
And tell all the new tarts lies
That I have a big tool
That makes women drool
But they always read between the lines.

And when I get my way
I will promise not to stray

But when my dick gets hard
It looks for another Yard
This is what I say.

OOOOH you don't get me I'm part of the Hashers
You don't get me I'm part of the Hashers
You don't get me I'm part of the Hashers
Till the day I die, till the day I die.

Rowdy drank saluting Solidarity Forever!


Spence called for charges to the randomly targeted subjects of the song. Silicate, Mrs Dickhead.

Spence was in Launceston and missed a monty as he didn’t Hold True to his convictions. Tassie Map talk abounded and MastaBait in his Ray Charles glasses showed how to read Lois Lane’s map in Braille while Beer Fuck thought clitoris was an island off of Greece famous for its ouzo.


SILICATE sausages bread and onion.

SILICATE’n’ Rear Entry were heard to advise Dumb and Dumber which security motion sensors can detect snail pace slothful stealth. Don’t know how they knew so much.

SILICATE up the accolades when telling a well-received joke about the Lone Ranger leaving his “Injun running”. Poor Tonto marked the culmination of Down Downs.

Next Week’s Run: AWARDS NIGHT expect First Ever 1500th

Theme; St Patricks, Green, IRISH MUSIC and Pobjoy’s Piano Accordian

Venue; OLD COLONISTS CLUB in Lydiard St North

Meal; Seafood extravaganza and Kentucky flied

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

RUN 1707 Venue: Sovereign Hill Car Park Hare: Normal 2 March 2015

The sealed surface meant it was the closest the Bill’s newest car has ever been to the ON ON.  It was such a nice evening a happy camper couple was holed up in a caravan in the car park to get an earful of farks.  They were waiting for the night show in Sovereign Hill.

The running pack set off toward the Gold Museum and hit the hills while the walkers went to flats of Main Road.   Set on the classic Breast Stroke pattern that has rubbed off on Normal. The convergence was back at ye old gay house to reminisce and toast the old pop at the Drink Stop.

On Home to the warm welcome of the crew that were setting an ambience and lubricating their tonsils with cold beer to aid the secret practicing of the screw tune to ensure an impeccable delivery.  

Welcome back to Hymie, Roadrunner and Plucka.  Small "s" significant runs tonight, to Pebbles had home time, three thirty (330), Silic was 3LO (774). MRS D 343 had a nice ring to it. Rear Entry claimed to be on several thousand (3,773) way more than The Bill’s 1473 and SS’s 1499, put together.

Heavy entrusted his tune of Williamson’s Hey True Blue to a lubricated choir including Shafted, Halfabar, Silic, Rear Entry and Mountyie.

Hey Norm Al.

Is it true?

That you had an arsehole transplant

And it rejected you.


Even when She's far away Normal feels Her Near.

Hey Masterbait, is it me and you
Did you really get that pissed off?
When I sold your T shirt too
Masterbait, I'm a-asking you

The old mates had a drink together, keen to bury the hatchet and sink the slipper.

Rear Entry couldn’t repair the music machine and replaced it with a witches hat megaphone.  Mountyie wanted more of Hymen workouts and harassed him repeatedly. Mrs D was reunited with the set of clothes she had left behind last week. NQA.

A complete range of cucumbers to please all was made available to the ladyies to work off their Hymie slimeys. Shafted was made to take his down downs through the megaphone.

Pus Bucket was dogged in his joke telling of the 3 mutts at the vets, 2 in for castration for overzealous digging and biting and the third, a German Shepherd’s guilty of rampantly humping his bent over female owner meant castration also?  No just a nail trim actually!

Down Downs went around and around and ON and ON, Fluid Movement kept it flowing. Ain’t Autumn great! The trailer got drank dry so fresh grog next week.  On Afters at Top Eureka for most and the Burger Cart for some Thai tarses.

Note; Most awards in for some work. Normal’s bringing in the Kettle, Her Vagesty has the Piss Pot. Who has the Shit House Run dunny lid and the Spectacle? All to be redistributed at the Awards Night, 16 March, Seafood Spectacular and musician. Could be some one's 1500th too.


Next Week’s Run: Rowdy Committee Run Labour Day Weekend, Free Beer and sausages to all Ticket Holders

Theme; Three Gongs pre Award event

Venue; The Gong Reservoir Car Park