Monday, February 23, 2015

RUN 1706 Venue: Douggie Dean’s Reserve Delacombe Hare: Pebbles 23 February 2015

A similar looking crowd masquerading as Hashers at the same venue? Whoops too many intellects there under the big wall less rotunda.  Pebbles knew the chilling southerly was on so we our tight mob got under the northern veranda of the change rooms.

A cold change is usually not a change but today it was. After a balmy night in the twenties the day deteriorated into the low teens for the run with some rain and a floating scotch mist to boot. A baker’s dozen runners partook of Pebbles’ intriguing trek exploring delectable Delacombe.  Parkland was pretty, residential ripe, Industrial indescribable,  the Twats held the interest of the gents, Bait ensured the Dishlickers were typically topical, out around Smythes Road and on to Peb’s lowered carport for the DrinkStop.   

On Home across the park to welcome back Sinton (that’s not how Rear Entry says it) Spartacus and Bait.  Palindromic runs to Nummy 3 ate 3 and Shafted, for for for for fucks sake.

Heavy pushed Rowdy aside and took the screw reins back and described the run, “as above”.  His song about Pebbles picking up or “Picking up Pebbles and throwing them into the sea” was strongly supported by Bent & Num.

Picking up Pebbles, is very easy you see;

All you need is a vagina and tits to play with for free……..

….and on it went about days gone by and past conquests, when he had the personality of Ms Burns and wanted Rowdy’s in Law’s Hash name.


Despite the lack of sunshine, The Bill’s was screening all Ray’s from his preshmobile that had beading water on its wax and polish. SS took BillyGoat’s carpark on the bitumen while the Billy Goat was proud that the Chinese new year was the year of the Goat!

As usual, Criss Cross was connected to the low carport that sheltered us at the drinkstop.

More breaking news as Sinton told the how you get Powderfinger by putting Car Michael Silic Hunt on to Hoppawarti. And the one about the blonde with the black box called 747.  Birthday battles were on, SOS 30th and Dumb’s dad 100th on the same day.

Could have been a return of the Dummy Spit award tonight. Several nominations including Fluid Movement since noticing she isn’t the GrogMaster designate on the web (note to Mrs D, Must rectify that).  But who is the winner? Siliquestion. Rowdy wanted to put his hand up but was restricted to 2 fingers.

Bloody cold so many were keen to congregate around the warming BBQ where Spartacus had snags and Rear Entry caramelised Silic’s meat.  Helgas bread and snappy salads accompanied.

 Next Week’s Run: Normal


Venue; Sovereign Hill Car Park on after top Eureka

Thursday, February 19, 2015

RUN 1705 Venue: Smythesdale Russell Up’s Dam Hare: Heavy 16 February 2015

Got there just in time, fortunately having noticed the turn off near Billy Goat’s bright green new car parked half a mile away on the bitumin.  This was Heavy’s former stomping ground in the former backyard of former Hasher Russell up the Publican(GRHS) (having gone to the Hash Gods).

Chiffik bush run and walk on an ideal night.  Runners and walkers were co-mingling with dam, shiggy, bush, old gold workings including a tunnel tour where the hashers were dragged through like a string of butt beads.

Fittingly cans of Fosters fizzed at the drink stop, some chilled to the brink icing up.  Then a diabetic fannomennum occurred!  OnOn questioning, our in-house thermodynamic consultant engineer, Bent Nose, told us more about adiabatic phenomenon and Glider corroborated. Spoken in a pompous all-knowing parlance;
“When a gas expands under adiabatic conditions, (like on opening a can or releasing an old fart), its pressure and temperature both decrease without the gain or loss of heat.”  Proving Old Farts know a bit about old farts.

Rowdy urged, “Come on it’s getting dark!! We won’t be able to see the song sheet”.

Sorrow indeed set a sombre scene for Pusses loss of his Bro.

Welcomes back to Master Blaster Shafted.  Fluid Movement also returned to her groggy duties.  Nothing too much of direct significance on the run tally but we had a drink for SS approaching 1500 and Normal approaching 1000 as a premature extrapolation. 

Heavy wanted to continue screwing himself Butt Rowdy Butted in cherishing the chance to pen alternate words to The Billy Joel’s Piano Man, becoming Heavy Man. (not to the tune of Happy Birthday!)

It's seven o'clock on a Monday night, the regular crowd shuffles round
There's the G M sitting next to me making love to his captive Hash crowd
He says, "Bro can you play me a memory, I'm not really sure how it‘s done
Well it's sad and it's sweet, and I knew it complete
but you’re the one screwing the run"
Oh, la la la de de da de, la le la da da da

Sing us a song you're the Heavy man, Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright

Now Tom Half a Bar is a friend of mine, he gets me my sheep for free
And he's quick with a fark or to muck up a joke but there's someplace that he'd rather be
He says, "John, I believe this is killing me", as a smile ran away from his face
"Well, I could be a pygmy in Africa if I had a darker man’s face"
Oh, la la la  de de da de, la le la  da da da

Now Silic’s quite good on the BBQ, his testicles caused him some strife
And he's talking with Reary, who's wife’s a bit teary, And probably will be for life.
And Mountie is practicing politics as the Snag and Hass slowly get tight.
Yes they're sharing a drink they call Carlton Draught
But it's better than drinking a light

Screw us the run you're the Heavy man, Screw us the run tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got the words working right

Bent was up for seargenting at short notice. He corrected the erroneous supposition of last week’s cricket run as to who partnered Basher Bait in the winning duo. His running mate was none other than Bashful Bent AKA Rectal Ray that shone that day.

Criss Cross removed his bike from the roof-rack so we could put our light on his car’s roof. He promised not to drive off with it.

Short cut to tucker time.

Naturally Heavy’s spread was sumptuous. MKR Texan corn al la Heavy was cooked there and then on the BBQ. It was warming as the night cooled, tasted delicious and was plentiful. Beef rolls followed with gravy and salad.

SS Sirculated a hash joke email showing a paper back bird book and that while Old Farts know a bit about old farts they know little about Old Tarts.

Next Week’s Run: Pebbles

Theme; Picking Up

Venue; Doug Dean Reserve Delacombe

Monday, February 9, 2015

Run 1704, Hairy Bill, from the North Britain Hotel

A perfect night for a summer bush run greeted the pack as they assembled in the bar, and the lounge, and the beer garden of the Nth Britain Hotel. Pity about the bush. Heavy was present early in all his glory, with Karol from Kolac, and new runner Wendy, to entertain simultaneously; - don't know how he does it. He then saved his energy on the non run to play puppet master to the Bill, do the screw, sing the song, and then be sergeant. To top it off he will set next week's run and we can all watch.
Anyway, perfect summer night, 8 hardy runners set off from the fabulous middle of Ballarat, along Goat Lane, then wound its way east through the Black Hill reserve, with a pause at the lookout to appreciate the setting sun glancing its beams off the iconic Wendouree Lake, with Mt Elephant a smudge in the distance. It was all down hill from there.
More hashers joined the runners at the drink stop, and enjoyed a varied repast, although Pus Bucket, Spartacus, Boot Rooter, Road Runner, Sillic Unt and Rear Entry were all too busy to attend. Sillic and Reary were also too busy to actually have a meal, and must have walked the 2 blocks to Reary's home cooking. Finger lickin' good.......
Charges rolled on and on well past the chef's knock off time; he would have left early only he forgot Candida's crumbed cutlets. Pissed?.... pity the first preppy sent to the principal's office in the morning.
The screw song was to the tune of TMG's "Jump in my car" with a theme of illicit ejaculation, back up vocals by Rowdy. The tune of Happy Birthday also worked as well as it did last week.
Welcomes to Windy Wendy, welcome back to J2, dubbed Vascillator for the night, might be a good name but we can't really be sure yet. It may work. Heavy got a charge for run 800, even though he did run 800 with Rowdy and Mountie 4 years ago......Plucka  is at 33, nice curves there. Rear Entry was asked to audit the books, and to explain how the Liberal Party could have a leadership spill without voting for anyone? Road Runner told a joke about an Irishman in a pub, and Bent Nose got a charge for somehow encouraging his house sitters to move out permanently; must have been the clues Heavy placed in his Eidelweiss screw song ("Lois Lane, and Pauline, won't you move out for ever?")
All who were served a meal enjoyed it enormously. James Squire on tap and red wine by the bottle rounded out not a bad night.
Next week Heavy will star again from Smythesdale, run and on after from the dam just off the Sebastopol/Smythesdale Rd. Catering by Heavy. Further instructions by email.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

RUN 1703 Venue: Sparrow Ground Spencer St Hare: Pus Bucket 2 February 2015

I wasn’t there but hear it was a cool night for summer, even by Ballarat standard.

Sparrow Ground is right up Spencer’s Street which is right up Spencer’s ally. There may even have been swallows there back in the day but was Seargeant Spence even there for the big game? Mountie dutifully supported as a backstop, holding up Snag’s other end and organising tea. Fortunately No1 Grog Master Fluid Movement was back though Normal didn’t want Her Near.  SOS and Little Evil lobbed with essential services.

No doubt a great run was had in the fabulous East leading to a drink stop on home to enjoy a Hash Bash Cricket Feast.

Joint GM Billy Goat ran the show with a plumb. Bookie Bill had first hand knowledge of the Significant Runs that were duly saluted.

Heavy had penned a song to the tune of the Seekers’ “Fly On Little Sparrow”. Was Rowdy there as infill screw song singing?  Did it get aired at all?

On On to the sparrow grounds
Far towards the East,
Where we shall be entertained
with a Pus Bucket cricket feast.

Cater, Little Mountie,
you get all the food?
Yes, do what every,
Good woman should do,
And if you behave yourself
Pus Bucket may puck you,
Oh, try to keep your mouth shut
He will be one truly happy man.

On On to the sparrow grounds
Far towards the East,
Where we shall be entertained
with a Pus Bucket cricket feast.

Silic with his rubber ball
Will bounce in the outfield,
Fluid movement will bat hard
And you know she will never yield,
Mrs Dickhead will be bowling
Because she likes to play with balls,
And when they are on her chin
She doesn’t talk at all?

On On to the sparrow grounds
Far towards the East,
Where we shall be entertained
with a Pus Bucket cricket feast.

Bent was apparently on fire with abounding humour. He was right amongst the game having to stand in as the middle stump and as the seargeant.  He no doubt sledged as he saw Silic hunt the field for the Red Rubber Ball. Then his feeble toss from the outfield, like a Rubber Ball that comes bouncing back to you.

And the winners were, Basher Bait and partner Criss Cricket Cross? Trophy and wine. Pus the presentation bloke told a very very funny Joke.

Behind the cloud there was a full moon that hits your eye like a Big Pizza Pie that’s amore and that’s about all hey? Heavy should be there to screw The Billy Goat in Person and Rowdy might be on the scene as the Reporter.

 Next Week’s Run: The Bill

Theme; Foodies Pub where My Kitchen Rules 800 ways

Venue; North Britain Doveton St North